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Hollywood Vandalizes Bush Billboards Near Oscars

The Hollywood billboards posted by the conservative group Citizens United certainly express a viewpoint.

"W. Still President!" shouts one. Another taunts: "Four More Years!"

Both, tongue-in-cheek, jeer: "Thank You, Hollywood!"

Depicted beneath a smiling and triumphant President Bush, in solemn dejected ranks, are Martin Sheen, Chevy Chase, Sean Penn, Whoopi Goldberg, Ben Affleck and Barbra Streisand – the salient of Tinseltown’s infamously backfired effort to keep President George W. Bush from a second term in the White House.

Citizens United sponsored the signs to coincide with the buildup to Oscar night.

That was apparently too much to bear for at least one disgruntled vandal, who painted a Swastika on George Bush’s forehead last week.

There are presently three billboards with the thank-you message – all in view of the Kodak Theater, where the Oscars were held last night.

When NewsMax asked if he or his organization had received any feedback from the stars panned on the billboards, Bossie hesitated, noting only that they had recently "received a note, but we haven’t confirmed if she sent it."

"We're taking on Hollywood. We've done it in the past," says Bossie. "We want to remind the Hollywood elitists that America supports President Bush on the war on terror and that Americans will no longer stand these elitists cramming their liberal agenda down our throats.

"Our Hollywood billboard campaign wants to remind Americans that these Hollywood elitists helped George Bush win by pushing their far left agenda."

Meanwhile, despite the recent brush with vandals, Bossie was relishing the big Oscar night: "The liberal celebrities will roll up in their limos and step out for the cameras and the paparazzi, they’ll turn to wave to their fans – and our billboards will dominate the backdrop!"

Pictures Of The Day

More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.

Photos that will never make the News.....#5

Sometimes in our everyday lives we tend to forget what's going on elsewhere in the world and that the brave men and women of the service are just like you and I. They have family and friends back home who love them very much and are praying for their safe return.

(Sent to us by Alice and Harold Wood of Ga.)

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Have you heard about this – on the Pacific Coast Highway there’s a huge boulder blocking the road, it’s the size of a house. It weighs over a million pounds. The workers can’t roll it away and they’re afraid to blow it up. Well today they called Barry Bonds and Jose Canseco, to have them carry it off the road.

Speaking of baseball - I’m so excited, this year the dodgers asked me to appear on opening day and throw out the first needle.

Have you been following this steroid scandal? This is the first time in baseball history that the players have more additives than the hot-dogs?

While President Bush was in Germany this week, thousands of Germans took to the streets to protest President Bush and the U.S. invasion of Iraq. See that’s when you know you’ve accomplished something, okay? When the Germans think you’re invading too much.

The INS now says as many as 2 million people are sneaking illegally across the border from Mexico every year. There are now more people applying to work at Wal-Mart than shop at Wal-Mart.

Tom Ridge, the former Secretary of Homeland Security, has joined the board of directors of Home Depot...his first action - sending all shoplifters to Guantanamo Bay.

Here’s a startling story – police in Portland, Oregon have arrested a 97 year old woman for selling crack. A 97 year old woman! Here’s my question - where are the parents?!

Robert Blake’s lawyers have rested their case. In fact, Blake did not take the stand in his own defense. That’s when you know you’re a bad actor…when you can’t even get a speaking part at his own trial.

In the Michael Jackson case, it looks like we now have a jury, they are eight white people, three Hispanics, and one Asian guy. Boy that sounds like the worst basketball team in history doesn’t it?

It’s raining again – I thought it was done. And now it looks like the rain could start up again during the Academy Awards. In fact today the academy called Mel Gibson and asked him if there was anything he could to. Maybe call someone. Does he know anybody?

You know how I could tell this was Oscars weekend. Today I saw the cast of "Alexander” leaving town for the weekend.

As I’m sure you know, Prince Charles and Camilla announced they’re going to get married. They’re going to get married at London’s Town Hall, where Camilla once worked. As a gargoyle.

Prince Charles announced he will not have a best man. He said, Camilla is man enough.

I am very excited – Oprah is here today. As you know, she did this thing last year where she gave away 276 cars on her show. Well, we are not going to be outdone. Tonight, everyone in our studio audience will get a picture of me standing next to my 276 cars.

George Washington, who?

When seniors at the nation’s top 55 universities were asked to name America’s victorious general at the Battle of Yorktown, only 34 percent named George Washington.

President’s Day came and went as it usually does -- without much notice and little attention to the man whose birthday makes February’s three-day weekend possible.

For those stumped by the riddle, that man would be George Washington, also known as the father of our country and our first president.

Kathleen Parker: Washington today receives one-tenth the coverage in textbooks that he received 30 years ago. Rees tells of one textbook that offers fewer than 50 lines of text about Washington, but 213 about Marilyn Monroe.

Tests, surveys and studies further confirm America’s increasing ignorance. A test of high school seniors, for example, found that only one in ten was proficient in American history. A survey of fourth graders found that seven of ten thought the original 13 colonies included Illinois, Texas and California.

Mount Vernon, Va. -Others who visit here – some 75,000 annually – frequently stop one of the historical interpreters roaming the estate grounds to ask about the Civil War.

What? Washington liberated the slaves, right?

Well, yes, he did liberate his own slaves upon his death, but many visitors here don’t know that. Rather they’re clearly confusing Washington with Abraham Lincoln, who is far more famous these days than the general who was instrumental in making ‘freedom’ a word his American progeny are privileged to take for granted.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Well folks, it’s official. We have just set a new all-time record for rain here in California. A new record and we did it without steroids.

Actually President Bush has had a great trip to Europe. He wanted to stay longer but with the falling dollar we can't afford it.

Speaking of sports - spring training has begun down in Arizona – the so-called Cactus League. You know why they call it the Cactus League? Because of all the needles.

Sports idiot Jose Canseco still all over the news promoting his book about steroids. He admits to putting steroids in his body for most of his career. You know, we know what he’s putting in his body. What the hell is he putting in his hair. Did he somehow gain access to Al Sharpton’s hair care products?

Michael Jackson’s fate is now in the hands of four men and eight women. As opposed to his usual crowd – eleven boys and one chimp.

Folks it is now official, 30 years after the TV show went off the air, there is going to be a "Wonder Woman” movie. Finally something to fill the gap for lesbians since "Xena” went off the air.

Conan

The Michael Jackson trial has started. When Michael first got to court after being released from the hospital hundreds of fans turned out to support him. But just last night only a dozen fans were there when he left the courthouse. Michael blamed the turnout on the rainy weather and being a school night.

Today President Bush had a meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The meeting had two translators, and they still had a rough time. Mainly trying to figure out the translation for "okie dokie”.

The Oscars are this weekend and Joan River and Star Jones will once again be competing for interviews up and down the red carpet. If a confrontation takes place it could get…ugly and fat.

Pictures Of The Day

More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.

Photos that will never make the News.....#4

Sometimes in our everyday lives we tend to forget what's going on elsewhere in the world and that the brave men and women of the service are just like you and I. They have family and friends back home who love them very much and are praying for their safe return.

(Sent to us by Alice and Harold Wood of Ga.)

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

I’m sure you know about this….today people across Los Angeles saw a strange object in the sky this afternoon. The sun!

It was so wet last night, Robert Blake left his spear gun at Vitello’s.

Hey Kev, you know what realtors are saying about homes in the Hollywood Hills? "They’re moving fast!”

Speaking of that, one of my neighbors got a brand new swimming pool today. The bad news, it belonged to the guy living above him.

This is such a weird place to live - it’s the only place where it’s been raining for a month now flooding everywhere and people still pay three bucks for a bottle of water.

We have had so many thunderstorms over the past couple of days, California has experienced a series of blackouts or as President Bush calls them "the college years”.

As you know President Bush is on a tour of Europe. He says he’s hoping to see the whole country.

Earlier today President Bush met with German leaders and they found common ground. We both hate the French.

Folks, it is now official Buckingham Palace has announced that Queen Elizabeth will not attend the civil marriage of Prince Charles and Camilla. Actually it turns out Camilla didn’t want the 80 year old queen there. I guess Camilla didn’t want anyone at the wedding prettier than she is.

In his new book, Jose Canseco says that thanks to steroids he can still do everything at the age of 40 that he could do when he was 25. How come he’s not still playing baseball?

Asked if steroids are cheating, Barry Bonds said "I don’t know what cheating is.” Bill Clinton said, "Good answer. Good answer.”

Martha Stewart says that when she gets out of prison next week, she wants to move on to the next stage of her life. Revenge.

It’s official – the jury has been chosen in the Michael Jackson case. It’s two-thirds female. Just like Michael. So it’ll be a jury of his peers.

A Manhattan restaurant is now holding monthly clothes optional dinners. Did you hear about this? It was started by a group of nudists. You take off your clothes, you eat your dinner naked. Where do you put your wallet? On top of your head?

According to a report in England, a new movie about Andy Warhol will feature Madonna in the role of a transsexual. This will allow Madonna to be named both the worst actress and worst actor in the same year.

According to a new medical study, it’s healthy for a wife to get angry at her husband than to keep it all inside which can lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the SUV, she’s just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

An Australian company says they plan to use kangaroo dung to make stationary and other paper products. That’s something to think about the next time you decide to lick that envelope.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

You’re only standing because your seats are all wet ... do you believe this rain? It was so wet today, Robert Blake’s ankle bracelet shorted out.

We've had so much rain, people in Mexico were jet-skiing across the border.

Of course all this rain leads to more mudslides. To give you an idea how bad it is, my house gave me a ride to work this morning. I’m now in a worse neighborhood.

We even had thunderstorms! The thunder got so loud you could barely hear the gunfire.

In fact, these storms are so bad, we may have to delay the start of fire season. We may have to go all the way into October.

To give you an idea how serious this is, today Governor Schwarzenegger was begging the Indian casinos, "OK, stop with the rain dancing. I give up, you can have whatever you want. I’ll take back the Proposition."

Today is Presidents' Day, or, as John Kerry calls it, Monday.

Today is Presidents' Day. It’s a day we honor our presidents by secretly taping them.

Have you heard about these Bush tapes? A longtime friend of the Bush family, a guy named Doug Wead – I think he’s Linda Tripp’s first husband, and he has a book coming out, surprise, surprise – secretly taped a number of conversations with Bush when Bush was thinking of running for president in 1998. And he taped the conversations secretly, and on the tape Bush admits that as a young man, he smoked marijuana. But he quit, when it started to interfere with his drinking.

He acknowledges trying marijuana, and here’s the interesting part: No one has come forward to verify they ever actually saw him do it. So it’s like the National Guard thing all over again, basically.

Now Bush, Clinton and Al Gore have all admitted to smoking marijuana. This is kind of like a presidential version of the Doobie Brothers.

The seven-year-old Kyoto Accord went into effect this week, forcing 35 nations and the European Union to cut emissions in an effort to combat global warming. See, I don’t think President Bush quite understands this. Like today, when they asked him about the Kyoto Accord, President Bush says he much prefers the Camry.

Here’s another odd story, here’s the ingenuity of the American male. In Boise, Idaho, a strip club got around the local nudity ban by calling it Art Night and giving the guys pencils and paper and letting them sketch the strippers. It was going pretty good until one guy got arrested for tracing.

According to Variety, Disney is now working on a prequel to "Peter Pan." In this story Peter tries to recover a trunk full of magical stuff before it falls into the hands of the Santa Barbara District Attorney.

As you know, Michael Jackson is out of the hospital. Doctors say within a couple of days he should be completely back to abnormal.

The NBA All-Star Game was yesterday and L.A. fans got a chance to root for their favorite Laker. The bad news ... it’s still Shaq.

New York City wants to trademark a new slogan, "The world’s second home." Not to be confused with L.A.’s slogan, "The Third World’s second home."

Have you ever heard about the gift bag the nominees get? It’s unbelievable. Like they said this year’s Oscar nominees gift bag includes a pair of black lace Victoria's Secret panties with a removable 7.2-carat diamond. This is how you can tell if you’re dating a Republican or Democrat — if he removes the diamond, he’s a Republican; if he takes off the panties, he’s a Democrat.

Letterman

It’s Presidents' Day. Everyone in New York City is in the mood. This morning on my way to work my cab driver was wearing his stovepipe turban.

Have you seen the big Gates exhibit in Central Park? Everyone is going crazy about it. The most commonly heard phrase about the Gates is "Thank God that was free."

Here’s one of the reasons to love New York City, one of those things that only happens here. This week a restaurant here was featuring a clothing-optional dinner. You go in and eat naked ... just like home.

I'd go in and my luck would be I’d be sitting next to a guy that would want to show me his rising napkin trick.

Over the weekend this story broke. A former friend of President Bush’s secretly audiotaped conversations he would have with the president. In these tapes President Bush admits he tried marijuana. That’s not all. There’s also a secret tape of Osama bin Laden and he admits to one time trying pork.

Isn’t that crazy? A friend taped him. I know what you’re all thinking: How in the world would anyone trick George W. Bush?

Ferguson

President Bush met with the king of Belgium this morning. The meeting got off with a rocky start when President Bush said, "I love your waffles."

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

The rains just won't stop here in California. In fact, it's rained so much, women in Beverly Hills were getting breast implants just so they'd float better.

A lot of people don’t know how to react here. Like today, Jessica Simpson was seen running to lower ground.

We have had 32 inches of rain. Thirty-two inches! Oh, my God. Has anybody seen Gary Coleman?

In fact, it was so wet today, President Bush couldn't even light his own joint.

Have you heard about this sleazeball guy named Doug Wead? He's a former friend of President Bush's. Actually, he's a former Assembly of God Minister who was Bush's liaison to the evangelical community, and he secretly taped President Bush's private phone conversations for like three years. Turns out this guy was a real student of the Bible. Especially the stories about Judas. Apparently he knows those pretty well.

He said he felt it was moral to record someone who was destined for greatness. I think that's the same excuse Paris Hilton’s boyfriend used.

A state assemblyman here in California has introduced a compassionate care law which would allow California to become the second state in the nation to allow assisted suicides. Do we need this? I mean, between the floods, the earthquakes, the crime, isn't living here already assisted suicide? Every day is an assisted suicide.

Jerry Springer is promoting a Jerry Springer pay-per-view special with uncensored footage from his TV show. I don't know, is that a good idea? You ever watch "The Jerry Springer Show"? When those women pull up their shirts and they have that blurry line? I like that blurry line, I don't want to see what's under there.

Happy Birthday to Ted Kennedy, he's 73 years old. Looks great, doesn't he? See, alcohol is a preservative.

We have Vin Diesel on the show tonight. He’s in this funny new movie, "The Pacifier," where he’s a Navy SEAL who has to babysit five kids and protect them till they can testify in court up in Santa Barbara County.

Did you see Michael Jackson arrive in court today in an SUV with the windows rolled down and his head sticking out in the rain — and that’s normal behavior for a guy who just got out of the hospital with the "flu".

Admitted steroid user Jason Giambi got a warm welcome from Yankee fans today when he showed up for spring training. Fans gave him a standing ovation despite his admission that he used steroids. I hope that doesn’t give him a big head. AGAIN. You hate to see that happen.

How The Democrats Lost

For Democrats & Republicans (Sent to us by Alice and Harold Wood of Ga.)

George and Laura Bush and Bill and Hillary Clinton are traveling by train
to the Super Bowl. At the station George and Laura each buy a ticket and
watch as Bill and Hillary buy just one ticket.

"How are the two of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks George
W, astonished at what he is seeing.

"Watch and learn," answers Hillary.

They all board the train. George and Laura take their respective seats but
Bill and Hillary cram into a toilet together and close the door. Shortly
after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.

Democrats - Great job! Stop reading here. Republicans - Read on!

The Bushes see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea, so after
the game they decide to try a similar plan on the return trip.

When they get to the station they see the Clinton's at the window buying a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Clinton's see that the Bushes don't buy any ticket at all.

"Aren't you taking a terrible chance by traveling without a ticket?"
says Hillary.

"Live and learn," answers Laura Bush.

When they board the train the Bushes cram themselves into a toilet and the
Clinton's cram into another toilet just down the way. Shortly after the
train leaves the station, George W. leaves their toilet and walks over to
the Clinton's toilet, knocks on their door and says, "Ticket, please."

And you're still trying to figure out how the Democrats lost that election !!!!

Thanks to Alice and Harold Wood of Ga.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

We had so much rain today Jose Canseco was injecting himself with Thompson’s Water Seal.

As I’m sure you know, Jose Canseco has written a best selling book about steroid use in baseball. It’s called, "juiced”. That shows how old I am, remember the old days when getting juiced meant you were killed by a Heisman Trophy winner.

At hearings earlier in the week it was disclosed that there are a number of part time terrorists. Of course, you know part time terrorists don’t get the full benefits of full time terrorists. Like instead of 72 virgins when they die, these guys just get two hookers and a goat.

Here’s another scary story - I read a report about the proliferation of counterfeit products around the world. That’s a huge business, counterfeit parts. To give you an idea how bad it is. They say now that 30% of Cher is counterfeit parts.

The tiny Alpine country of Lichtenstein is outlawing the common practice of grazing milk cows on marijuana plants. Evidentially the ingredient that makes you high was filtering through to the milk. Of course this will be easier a lot easier on the dairy farmers, too, since the cows won’t constantly be giggling every time they try to milk them.

Marijuana in the milk. How many cookies were they going through in that town? Think about it, you eat a few cookies, wash it down with milk. Then you crave more cookies, wash it down with milk and crave even more cookies.

As you may know, I’ve been called as a witness in the Michael Jackson trial. Why do people applaud that? See so many celebrities wind up in court now, people think it’s like an awards show. "Oh you got picked for that trial. Not doing that crappy Phil Spector trial…”

As I’m sure you know, Michael Jackson left the hospital the other night and he’s doing great. He said he feels like a kid again.

Although Michael has gone home for the hospital. His doctors say he will "remain under observation”. Remain under observation? If he were under observation to begin with, none of this would’ve happened! We took our eye off the ball.

Scientists have found 12,000 year old bones at a site in Kansas. Imagine that 12,000 year old bones in Kansas. In fact, they studied the bones….and then Bob Dole woke up from his nap and walked away.

Earlier today Senator Hillary Clinton announced she wants to change federal law to allow all ex-felons to vote. Finally some good news for Martha Stewart.

"USA Today” is doing a series on the worst jobs in sports. You know who has the worst jobs in sports? Hockey players! They’re driving taxis. Busing tables. Working the drive through at Taco Bell.

As I’m sure you know by now the entire hockey season has been cancelled. So there will be no pro hockey in Los Angeles. Which is sad considering that this season Los Angeles barely has pro basketball.

You gotta give Kobe credit, he’s no Jose Canseco. In fact, Kobe doesn’t believe in giving any shots to his teammates.

The NBA announced they are going to limit the size and number of beers being sold at the games. Now see why can’t we do this for airline pilots before a flight?

A Florida high school teacher was arrested after students told authorities that they were taught how to make bombs that explosive. You know, whatever happened to the good old days – when the worst thing a teacher would do was have sex with their students?

Kid Rock was arrested this week for punching a DJ at a strip club in Nashville, Tennessee. The guy lost five teeth. But since it’s Tennessee, they’re not sure the punch had anything to do with it.

Letterman

I’m having some trouble with mom. I need to keep an eye on her all the time. Here’s what is going on. She stays up late watching the infomercials and now she’s raising alpacas in the backyard.

Good news for out-of-towners, crime in New York City is at an all time low. Which is too bad, I miss the old days of sitting at the station flipping through the mug shots with an icepack on my head.

The nicest part when crime was higher was being taken up the subway stairs on a gurney.

How about that art installation in Central Park? Isn’t that Cristo a genius? Do you remember last year when he covered the Chrysler building in moist towelettes?

It’s impressive. It’s 23 miles of fabric. I was thinking why cover Central Park? Why don’t we just cover New Jersey instead?

I like to remind everyone about this every now and then. So many of today’s top stars are in prison. Like Robert Blake. In the trial it’s been revealed that Blake asked five different people to kill his wife. I can’t even find five people to move my couch!

The Michael Jackson trial is going on. I think this guy is a little peculiar. They are now having trouble finding jurors for the trial. Jurors are getting out of the trial by claiming "hardship”…wait that’s last nights audience.

The Post Office has just issued a new Ronald Reagan stamp. 170 million of the stamps have already been sold. This makes Ronald Reagan the most licked president since…..I think Clinton.

Conan

People are already talking about the next presidential election! There’s stories all over about who might run. At a recent speech a prominent Democrat said that Hillary Clinton should not run because she can’t win. Immediately after the speech Hillary told her husband to shut up.

Yesterday Paris Hilton turned 24. Happy Birthday to Paris. Her friends say that she’s 24 but has the knees of an 80 year old.

Ferguson

Rush Limbaugh is going to travel to Afghanistan. Haven’t these people suffered enough?

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Any hockey fans here tonight? Of course you’re here – you have nowhere else to go!

Yesterday the NHL canceled the rest of their season. To which the Clippers said, "You can do that?"

The NHL hockey season has been canceled. Fans are disappointed, but the action is expected to save over 3,000 teeth.

Right now the only pro athlete on the ice is Ted Williams.

As you know, on Tuesday Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital with nausea, dizziness and vomiting. Apparently, on the way to the courthouse his lawyers must have shown him all the evidence against him.

I was trying to see if there were any stories in the news that are not about Michael Jackson ... here’s one – NASA officials say they found possible evidence of life on Mars. No, that sounds like a Michael Jackson joke too ...

Here’s some interesting presidential trivia – historians this week named Warren G. Harding the dumbest president of all time. I understand President Bush is demanding a recount.

There’s a report that al-Qaida is planning to enter the U.S. by sneaking over the Mexican border. I’d like to see someone try and do that!

In fact, al-Qaida already has an organization in place in Mexico called al-Taco.

Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the Clintons’ former business partners can vote for her in 2008.

Singer George Michael has announced he’s quitting the world of pop music. Boy, first Jose Canseco, now George Michael. This has not been a good week for guys who inject other guys in the men’s room.

George Michael said he’s quitting pop music because it’s about celebrity now and nobody wants to hear about politics in pop music anymore. Not like when he was making strong political statements when he sang, "Wake me up before you go-go, don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo." Which of course was about the Gulf of Tonkin incident.

According to the Billboard Web site, Latoya Jackson is coming out with a new album. Hey, you know, forget Michael’s problems. Can’t we get a court order to stop this? This seems really more important.

A number of legal experts in England are now claiming that Charles and Camilla’s upcoming civil ceremony wedding may not be legal. Apparently she has not had all of her shots.

They haven’t finalized the title for the Jessica Simpson exercise video. I think it’s going to be called "Sweating to the Big Words."

Today is Paris Hilton’s birthday. If you want to get her something, you can’t go wrong with a lens cap.

According to a poll by an advertising company as to what people would do with an extra 1,000 minutes a day, the number one choice for women was read a book. The number one choice for men was to have sex. Well, see, guys are smart. Because they know after sex they still have 998 minutes left to read a book.

Letterman

Crime in New York is at an all-time low. I think it must be true. It’s been months since I’ve had the emergency room doctor give me a slug as a souvenir.

Have you seen the big Central Park art display? It is giant sheets of fabric in the breeze, that’s what it is. It’s sort of like Kristie Alley’s clothesline.

Kid Rock was arrested for punching a guy in a strip club. That’s not really news. That’s just what Kid Rock does. It’s like J. Lo getting married.

A big celebrity birthday today. Paris Hilton turns 24! What do you get a girl that’s had everyone?

NASA has uncovered evidence of life on Mars. There’s life in the caves, the water, and some on trial in Santa Barbara.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Good news today from the hospital - Michael Jackson’s condition has been upgraded from nutball to weirdo.

Here’s my question - how do you know when Michael Jackson is sick? Does the color suddenly return to his cheeks?

Actually, if you saw the press conference, doctors in the ER examined Michael for over an hour. They said it was like an episode of alien autopsy. None of the organs were in the same place ...

But the good news is, they said this is the first time Michael Jackson could actually go into a hospital and come out with the same nose he went in with.

Have you heard about this? This is true. For some reason I’m being called as a witness in the Michael Jackson trial. Actually, they told me I’m a minor witness. As opposed to most of the witnesses, who are minors.

There was a lawsuit filed in Hollywood today for racial discrimination. A black stuntman claims Robert Blake never asked him to kill his wife.

The other day Robert Blake started crying and ran out of the courtroom. Friends say he was upset because he was alone on Valentine’s Day. Well, whose fault is that? Hel-lo!

I made a real score on eBay today. Front-row seats, season tickets for L.A. Kings hockey.

Because of a labor dispute between the players and the owners, the National Hockey League canceled the entire season today. The entire National Hockey League season was canceled today. Canceled? I didn’t even know it was on NBC. That’s amazing.

Canceling hockey. I just hope there’s no riots in South Central tonight. It’s going to be a tinderbox when people find out about this.

Up in Boston, defrocked priest Paul Shanley was found guilty on all charges of sexually assaulting young children at his church. He got fifteen years in prison - great, now he gets to be the alter boy.

I’m very excited - Charles Barkley is on the show. Did you know he’s no longer calling himself Sir Charles? That title is reserved for Camilla.

As I’m sure you know by now, Mary Kay Letourneau, the Seattle teacher, is going to marry her former sixth-grade student. They said it’ll be the first wedding where every table is a children’s table.

Some gossip - the wedding was almost called off today. Apparently, Mary Kay found out that at her fiance’s bachelor party, he brought in a substitute teacher.

A Nebraska man has been arrested for stealing a Greyhound bus, getting drunk, and trying to crash into his ex-wife’s trailer home because he thought she was cheating on him. This could be the first time ever that a crime gets nominated for a country music award.

I picked up Jose Canseco’s new book about steroids and it’s amazing. When I bought it, it was 175 pages. Put it on the table, next morning it’s up to 225. It’s amazing.

Letterman

Crime in New York City is down 10 percent. I think it’s true, because it’s been months since I’ve been taken to the woods at gunpoint to dig my own grave.

The FDA is forming a drug safety board that will test all new drugs before they go out on the market. Isn’t that already being handled by Courtney Love?

Kobe Bryant is a witness for the defense in the Michael Jackson trial. That makes a lot of sense, too. When you think character witness, you think Kobe Bryant!

Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital yesterday due to the flu. His condition has since been upgraded from serious to creepy.

Conan

Here’s an odd story. Yesterday a painting of dogs playing poker sold at an auction for $600,000. No word yet where exactly it will be placed in the White House.

The U.S. Navy just put a new sub named after Jimmy Carter into commission. The sub will be ineffective for four years but then be widely respected after it’s retired.

President Clinton and wife Hillary were seen holding hands at a D.C. restaurant. Later Hillary said that they weren’t holding hands but were actually arm wrestling and that she won.

Ferguson

Michael Jackson checked into a hospital yesterday for the flu. But he’s doing fine now. Today he was dangling his doctor from a balcony.

Doctors say he will be fine and back to freaking people out within 72 hours.

Attack of the blogs

The media buzz over the rising power of Internet weblogs (the "blogs") reached a new crescendo when CNN's chief of newsgathering, Eason Jordan, resigned over sloppy charges he made at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

Brent Bozell: On the forum's own weblog, journalist Rony Abovitz reported that Jordan "asserted that he knew of 12 journalists who had not only been killed by U.S. troops in Iraq, but they had in fact been targeted. He repeated the assertion a few times, which seemed to win favor in parts of the audience (the anti-U.S. crowd) and cause great strain on others."

If these charges were true, they would make Abu Ghraib's naked pyramids pale by comparison. But they were wild and reckless accusations, which explains Jordan's subsequent, furious backpedaling and denials.

Still, it begs the question: Why would a man whose profession and expertise was "newsgathering" make such wild charges without evidence? Jordan quickly drew angry objections from fellow panelist Frank, as well as a condemnation from Sen. Chris Dodd. When you're outraging Frank and Dodd, you're really putting yourself out on an extreme limb.

But then Jordan and CNN added to the outrage by refusing any attempts to release a transcript or videotape of the off-the-record panel discussion. What a spectacle: a news outlet always championing the public's "right to know" and crusading for "full disclosure" clamping down like the stereotypical arrogant multinational corporation they like to expose.

The controversy was deepened by the fact that Jordan already carried heavy baggage on this issue. He admitted to the world in 2003 that CNN kept a lid on news exposing the horror of Saddam Hussein's Ba'athist regime to maintain its access to Iraq and preserve the lives of its staffers there. CNN plays the same shut-up-for-access-to-dictators game with its Havana bureau to this day.

Controversy was also deepened when bloggers like Ed Morrissey (at his blog "Captain's Quarters") reported that this was not a one-time gaffe for Jordan. Morrissey said Jordan had also "accused the U.S. military of torturing journalists (November 2004) and the Israeli military of deliberate assassinations (October 2002) at journalistic forums, all overseas and outside the reach of most American media."

These accusations are stop-the-presses huge . So why didn't CNN ever produce some evidence for these charges and put them on the air? And if they weren't true, why wasn't this man fired long ago?

Amazingly, most of the major "news" media avoided this news -- especially CNN. So when Jordan resigned, it made the blogs seem so powerful that liberals started attacking them for recklessly destroying Jordan's career, even using goofy terms like "cyber-McCarthyism" to denounce it.

But what the bloggers did here was deliver information and accountability, the same things the major media purport to be providing -- unless it's one of their own in the hot seat.

Speak now and forever wish you hadn't

With the recent toppling of CBS's Dan Rather and now CNN's top news executive, Eason Jordan, I think we can declare without fear of contradiction that rigor mortis is settling over the carcass of the Fourth Estate.

At least as we once knew it.

Kathleen Parker: I make this pronouncement without pleasure, and in fact, suggest that we're really witnessing a double funeral. One is for traditional journalism as the omnipotent gatekeeper of information. As bloggers - authors of Web logs - have gleefully pointed out the past several days, everyone with access to the Internet is now a journalist.

Given the "instanaeity" of the bloggers' electronic encampment, known as the "blogosphere" - enabling real-time posting of news and commentary - newspapers and even broadcast media have become the news cycle's Sunday drivers.

As a longtime observer of the blog phenomenon - awed by the volcanic energy and talent that erupts by the nanosecond and flows without pause - I'm a fan.

Thus, the other funeral is, I fear, for our freedom of speech. Not the kind we once worried would be quashed by government jackboots, but the sort that restricts the very thing bloggers represent - the freewheeling, unfettered expression of thoughts and ideas without fear of censure. Or without the life-altering, career-busting personal demolitions we've witnessed recently.

Except for the fact that they are both larger than life, professionally and symbolically - and except that bloggers initiated the heat that eventually brought them down - Rather and Jordan are dissimilar cases.

Rather knowingly used unsubstantiated "evidence," known to be flawed if not faked, to try to bring down the president of the United States during an election year. After enduring a blog siege hitherto unseen or experienced by anyone of his standing, Rather announced that he would step down as the "CBS Evening News" anchor.

By contrast, Jordan said something stupid, even indefensible, but his comments were in much different circumstances - during an off-the-record panel discussion at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. A couple of weeks later, following intense criticism, he resigned his post.

Not to mention manna to Islamist recruiters who are delighted when one of our own confirms their belief that all Americans are evil. For his contribution to our enemies, Jordan should be deeply ashamed.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Welcome to "The Tonight Show." I have an announcement to make. I am pleased to announce we are now the official wedding planners for Charles and Camilla. I am so excited.

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Prince Charles will be marrying his longtime girlfriend, Camilla Parker Bowles. They will marry on April 8, but Camilla Parker Bowles will not be called queen. That title is reserved for Prince Edward.

I believe Charles first met Camilla at a polo match in the early '70s. Back then Charles was a young, rugged-looking young man. In fact, so was Camilla.

If you’d like to get them a gift, I think they’re registered at the Homely Depot.

Here’s my question: Where do you go on your honeymoon when you’re Prince Charles? You already live in a palace. "Oooh, the San Diego Marriott. We’re so excited. There’s a mini bar in the room."

Camilla’s great-grandmother was the mistress of Charles’ great-great-grandfather, and her ex-husband once dated Charles’ sister. You do realize that if these people were Americans, they’d be on "Jerry Springer."

Did you see this? Yesterday, a 4.2 earthquake shook Arkansas. Over 200 cars were knocked off their blocks.

In fact they said they haven’t seen that many people get under a desk since Clinton was governor.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice warned Iran not to develop their nuclear weapons program. She said, "President Bush has a map in his office, and he will find you eventually."

Wal-Mart closed one of their Canadian stores this week. Employees are furious because now they have to cross two borders to get home.

Have you been following this Robert Blake trial? Every day more and more people are coming forward to say that Blake tried to get them to kill his wife. In fact, today Wile E. Coyote testified that Blake asked him to drop an anvil on Bonnie Lee Bakley’s head.

That’s the big story today. Former child star Corey Feldman has been subpoenaed to testify in the Michael Jackson case. I think this is the first callback Corey has had since the movie "Goonies"!

Let’s see what’s going on in baseball with Jose "can’t say no."

In his book, Jose Canseco says he injected Mark McGwire with steroids "too many times to count." But in his interview with Mike Wallace he says it was only twice. So apparently doing steroids doesn't just shrink your genitals - it also shrinks part of your brain, too. You can't count to two.

Karl Malone announced his retirement from the Lakers today. He said he wants to spend more time with Kobe’s family.

A German man invented a cell phone that lets you talk to the dead. They put a speaker in the coffin and you talk to the dead. If you think that’s bad, for an extra $3.99 a minute, you can talk dirty to the dead!

Sara Lee is getting rid of a few of its other companies. Hanes underwear and Chock full o'Nuts coffee. Come to think of it, shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t it be called Hanes coffee and Chock full o'Nuts underwear?

According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, they said eating right doesn't have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you’re eating right. Colors. Fill your plates with bright colors. Greens, reds, yellows. In fact, I did that this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&Ms. It was delicious! I never knew eating right could be so easy.

The Grammy Awards are Sunday night. Lots of new categories this year. Did you hear about this one? "Best rap group that doesn’t scare white people."

Letterman

It’s the end of Fashion Week here in New York City. On Monday the big dog show starts. Ladies and gentlemen, we have bitches just coming and going!

The big Westminster Dog Show starts on Monday at Madison Square Garden. Usually the only thing to roll over and play dead at Madison Square Garden are the Knicks.

There was a big scandal last year with the dog show. A Yorkshire terrier won the show, but then it turned out it was just a blow-dried rat.

Saturday is President Lincoln’s birthday. In honor of the day, the hookers in Times Square are handing out stovepipe condoms.

Dick Cheney says he will not run for president in 2008. He’s not going to run so he can spend more time at home with his defibrillator.

Monday is Valentine’s Day. I’ll be busy finding an escort service that gives an AARP discount.

You know Whitman’s chocolate? They’ve come out with a special commemorative Michael Jackson candy. It’s lovely, it’s delicious – it’s white chocolate with a nut inside.

Conan

The Grammy Awards are on Sunday. President Clinton is nominated for an award. He’s up for Best Spoken Word Album. Not surprisingly, the word is "booby."

Valentine’s Day is on Monday. The most popular gift on Valentine’s Day is a box of chocolate. Unless you’re Ruben Stoddard’s girlfriend, and then you get the box the chocolate came in.

This week in London a couple found a $6 million lottery ticket while cleaning out a drawer in their home. The British couple said that they never use that drawer because that’s where they keep their toothbrush.

Jose Canseco says that he introduced steroids to baseball and personally injected Jason Giambi in the butt. He also went on to say that he gave him steroids.

WSJ: CNN Wrong to Oust Jordan

While admitting that former CNN news chief Eason Jordan "has a knack for indefensible remarks, including a 2003 New York Times op-ed in which he admitted that CNN had remained silent about Saddam's atrocities in order to maintain its access in Baghdad," today's Wall Street Journal criticized CNN for throwing Mr. Jordan overboard for his latest comments about U.S. armed forces allegedly killing journalists deliberately.

CNN, the Journal wrote, "stood by Mr. Jordan back then - in part, one suspects, because his confession implicated the whole news organization. Now CNN is throwing Mr. Jordan overboard for this much slighter transgression, despite faithful service through his entire adult career.

"More troubling to us is that Mr. Jordan seems to have 'resigned,' if in fact he wasn't forced out, for what hardly looks like a hanging offense."

Also, though the Journal is careful to mention no one by name, it insinuates that CNN was "stampeded" into releasing Jordan by Internet outlets like NewsMax.com and the TV "talk-show crew."

WSJ writes that such people - like those talking heads on CNN's chief rival, Fox News Channel, currently whomping CNN in the ratings - and Web outlets are "amateurs" with "vendettas" against Jordan, whereas CNN and its more elderly bretheren practice "professional journalism."

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody! Or, as Robert Blake calls it, Monday.

We have a special audience tonight: the 200 men in the country too cheap to take their dates out to dinner.

Whatever you do, don’t give your valentine a box of those Jose Canseco chocolates. They’re filled with steroids. They’ll make her ass really huge!

For Valentine’s Day today, I understand Bill Clinton sent two dozen red roses to Hillary ... well, Hillary Duff.

I tell you, I got a valentine that kind of creeped me out today. It was from my proctologist.

A lot of schools around the country gave kids today off. A lot of schools here are closed today. I guess they feel Valentine’s Day puts too much pressure on the kids to have sex with the teachers, and then some kids are left out.

How many watched the Grammy Awards last night? Did you see Janet Reno? She was nominated for best spoken-word book. She used to be a member of that group "They Might Be Giants."

You know who else was there? Hulk Hogan and Janet Reno. Boy, how do you tell those two apart?

Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys earned the Grammy for best rock instrumental of the year ... I believe the year was 1966 if I’m not mistaken.

What was that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were singing in that bedroom? What was that? "Gigli" the musical?

That song lasted longer than her first two marriages.

As you know, Prince Charles is going to marry his former mistress, Camilla Parker Bowles. He’s 56; I believe she’s 87.

Charles first met Camilla at a polo match in the early '70s when he mistakenly tried to mount her.

North Korea has declared they have nuclear weapons, saying they need them to protect themselves from a hostile United States. The U.S. says North Korea has nothing to fear from America. Bush said, "Don’t these people understand we only attack countries that don’t have weapons of mass destruction? What are we, idiots?!"

The British government has now given the company that created Dolly the sheep a human cloning license. Cloning in Britain! A lot of people in Britain are worried it could lead to genetic accidents and human mutations. Look, one royal family is enough! We’ve seen what can happen.

Health experts in Europe now say one carrot a day can keep you free of colon cancer. I just hope you eat it.

Did you all see Jose Canseco on "60 Minutes" last night? You know, I had to watch it on my big screen so I could fit his entire head in the picture.

Jose Canseco’s book is being banned at Wal-Mart. This isn’t the first time someone named Jose has been treated badly at Wal-Mart!

Martha Stewart is scheduled to be released from prison on March 6. People magazine is reporting she’s having a hard time deciding what to wear because prison regulations say her clothes can’t cost more than $100. So for the first time ever, she might actually have to wear something that was actually bought at a Kmart.

There were reports that Jessica Simpson’s husband, Nick Lachey, was caught asking a blonde for her number at a party, but it turns out the blonde was Jessica. He occasionally quizzes her to see if she can remember her phone number.

There are rumors that Madonna has been cut out of her husband’s new movie. I don’t want to say Madonna is a bad actress, but it’s a home movie.

Letterman

I know what you’re thinking: Gee, Dave looks good, he looks tremendous. But I had a miserable, horrible weekend. I was ratted out by Jose Canseco.

Did you watch "60 Minutes" with Jose Canseco? It was crazy. He talked about all the players in Major League Baseball that he injected with steroids. Then he got crazy and injected steroids into Andy Rooney’s eyebrows.

Last night right here on CBS was the Grammy Awards. Honestly, what better place than right here on CBS? The hip-hop network.

Jennifer Lopez proved that she could sing off-key in two languages.

Seriously, the show was so long and so boring, I thought I was hosting.

Today is Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody! Valentine’s Day is fun. Every year I have a ritual. I have my assistant send me a big box of chocolates so I don’t look like I’m a loser.

On Valentine’s Day you buy flowers and chocolates and the next thing you know your wife takes you to court.

It’s a busy week here in New York City. The big Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is going on. Are some of you involved? I thought I smelled flea collars.

The dogs are judged on poise, obedience and strong hindquarters. It’s the same way Donald Trump picks a wife.

Eason Jordan Resigns Over Lies, Damned Lies

CNN chief news executive Eason Jordan quit Friday amidst the furor over remarks he made in Switzerland last month about journalists killed by the U.S. military in Iraq.

Jordan said he was quitting to avoid CNN being "unfairly tarnished" by the controversy.

During a panel discussion at the World Economic Forum last month, Jordan said he believed that several journalists who were killed by American forces in Iraq had been targeted.

He quickly backed off the remarks, explaining that he meant to distinguish between journalists killed because they were in the wrong place and were killed by a bomb, for example, and those killed because they were shot at by American forces who mistook them for the enemy.

"I never meant to imply U.S. forces acted with ill intent when U.S. forces accidentally killed journalists, and I apologize to anyone who thought I said or believed otherwise," Jordan said in a memo to fellow staff members at CNN.

But the damage had been done, compounded by the fact that no transcript of his actual remarks has turned up. There was an online petition calling on CNN to find a transcript and fire Jordan if he said the military had intentionally killed journalists.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Have you seen what’s going on down there at Mardi Gras in New Orleans? That is unbelievable! Women are flashing their breasts for beads. Hey, call me old-fashioned, but I think seeing a woman’s breasts should be done in private. You know, like when she’s standing at the mirror in the bathroom and you’re on a stepladder outside the window looking in the window.

We have a huge problem here in California - have you seen the pictures of these multimillion-dollar houses sliding down the hill? Out in Anaheim Hills, because of the recent rains, these huge homes are moving. Geologists say they’re moving at the rate of one inch an hour. That’s actually faster than the traffic on the 101.

How depressing is that? You’re trying to get to work and your house is actually pulling ahead of you. Hey!

Today was the Islamic New Year over in the Middle East. Do you know who hosted their New Year’s party? Regis! The guy is everywhere! Akmed Regis!

Prince Charles is marrying his longtime girlfriend, Camilla Parker-Bowles. He’s making her his wife, because he’s just really tired of people mistaking her for his mother.

I understand it was Camilla who first brought up the subject of marriage, and when she did, Prince Charles was all ears.

Prince Charles is quite a catch. A guy in his 50s with no job ... lives with his mom ... "My prince has come!"

Everybody is getting ready. In fact, today Prince Harry took his Nazi uniform to get pressed and starched.

This is going to be a huge national event in England. Of course the queen will be there ... but enough about Elton John.

The state of Virginia has now passed a law that calls for a $50 fine for anyone who displays their underwear in a lewd or indecent manner. They’re calling this new law "Just Say No to Crack."

Imagine that, you can’t show your underwear in Virginia. Let me tell you something – the plumbers union is really going to fight this one! They have their lobbyists in Washington right now.

A Detroit area mother has been arrested for bringing her son’s heroin to him in school. Even more embarrassing to the kid, she walks in on him while he’s having sex with the teacher.

Well, folks, it happened again! In Tennessee, a 27-year-old female school gym teacher and basketball coach was charged with having sex with a 13-year-old male student. Of course the whole Tennessee community was shocked – turns out she and the kid aren’t even related.

Isn’t that crazy? A 27-year-old female gym teacher having sex with a 13-year-old male student. People can’t believe it. A straight female gym teacher? Has this ever happened?

I want to give this message to any young people that are watching: Stay in school ... but stay out of your teachers.

Of course the big question at the Robert Blake trial continues to be, Who didn’t he ask to kill his wife?

Have you been following this story? Two more stuntmen have now come forward to claim Robert Blake wanted each of them to kill his wife. Here’s my question: Why does he have to use stuntmen? How difficult was this hit going to be? What, did he want them to roll down the hill and then jump through a hoop of fire before they shot her in the head?

And former child star Corey Feldman is giving an interview on "20/20" – it airs tomorrow night – and he’s very critical of Michael Jackson. He claims they were very close when he was younger, but something came between him and Michael. I think it was called "puberty."

Here’s a bizarre story. A couple who hooked up over the Internet got the shock of their lives when they finally met and found out that they were husband and wife. They were cheating on each other with each other! That’s gotta be Bill Clinton’s worst nightmare!

Very excited – we have Academy Award nominee Alan Alda on the show, and if you’re watching "West Wing," you know that Alan Alda is playing a Republican senator who may replace President Bartlett. So, pretty soon, the Democrats may not even control the fake White House anymore.

Bob Dylan has announced that he will be touring with country legend Merle Haggard this spring. I think they’re calling it "The Old and Haggard Tour."

You all see the final episode of the "Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model Search" last night on NBC? They were down to the final two. Not models, viewers.

If you watch the show, you know the winner gets her pictures in the swimsuit issue and a million-dollar modeling contract. And the second-place finisher gets to pick her own porn name.

A Swiss company has come out with a new beer for gays called Queer Beer. That’s got to be tough when you’re drinking that. You know, you get pulled over by the cops: "Look, officer, I just had a couple of queers before I left the office.”

Letterman

Today is the second day of Lent. That means tonight you’re giving up entertainment.

American Airlines is making cutbacks to their flights to save money. They’re getting rid of pillows on all flights. Hey, if they want to save money, why don’t they get rid of all the bitchy male flight attendants?

American Airlines is really strapped for money. I think they’re serious, because they’re now giving pilots a two-drink limit.

Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Hallmark has come out with a new card for guys that forget about Valentine's Day. It’s a card about this size, it’s gold and maxes out at $10,000!

Big news from the royal family. Prince Charles is going to marry Camilla Parker-Bowles. The wedding is going to be April 8, and also Prince Harry will be there in full Nazi dress uniform.

Jose Canseco has a new book out. In it he tells of all the players he helped inject steroids into. There was Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Janet Reno ...

Conan

This week in Washington a fake journalist was able to get into the White House and was even able to ask President Bush a question. Luckily, someone recognized Geraldo and threw him out.

Condoleezza Rice happens to be a big fan of Beethoven. When President Bush heard this he responded, "What a coincidence, that’s my favorite movie too."

This week the first Taco Bell in Iraq opened. This means that Iraq now really has weapons of mass destruction.

The E Channel is hiring an actor to play the role of Michael Jackson in their re-enactment of the trial. They’ve also hired Tito to play Tito.

According to critics, the networks are incorporating lesbian plotlines into several shows for February sweeps. The disturbing thing is that one of the shows is "The View."

Ferguson

Today an earthquake shook Arkansas. No one was hurt, but several homes rolled several feet.

Britney Spears and her husband have launched their own clothing line. It’s perfect clothing for people that want to look like they got hit by a tornado.

In Virginia lawmakers are considering a law banning people from wearing pants that reveal their underwear in a lewd way. Of course you could get by this law by just not wearing any underwear.

Lies, Damned Lies and Network 'News'

"... at least 10 journalists have been killed by the U.S. military, and according to reports I believe to be true, journalists have been arrested and tortured by U.S. forces."
-- Eason Jordan, CNN executive vice president

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In November, he offered the above murderous assessment of America's military to a group of Portuguese journalists and got away with it. On Jan. 27, he apparently made a nearly identical outrageous, unfounded accusation at the annual meeting of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

This time he got caught -- not by his colleagues in the so-called mainstream media, but by "bloggers" who were in attendance.

Oliver North Reports:

Ironically, Jordan, who also chairs the CNN Editorial Board, made his most recent unsupported allegation of American military war crimes during a panel discussion titled, "Will Democracy Survive the News?" The short answer to the rhetorical question is: "not if Democracy has to depend on people like Jordan to report the news."

And therein lies the problem -- not just with Jordan's calumny about our soldiers, sailors, airmen, Guardsmen and Marines, but with his colleagues in the so-called mainstream media.

David Gergen, editor-at-large for U.S. News & World Report and moderator of the discussion in Davos, now says Jordan had recently been to Iraq, and was "caught up in the tension of the moment" and "deserves the benefit of the doubt."

Why? Aren't news reporters supposed to have a thirst for truth? Isn't there some standard of proof or corroboration required before someone in the "news business" makes such a horrific accusation? Furthermore, why should any member of the media in attendance be let off the hook for failing to immediately jump up and demand: "Prove it!" when Jordan made his unsubstantiated charges?

Though the panel discussion was "off-the-record," the event was apparently videotaped -- another fact we would not know but for the "bloggers" in attendance.

Jordan, Gergen, Kurtz, et al. should call for the release of the videotape -- that way we can see who challenges Jordan's slanderous assertions against our military, and who applauds them. But it's not likely that CNN will join the bloggers in calling for release of the videotape.

According to Rony Abovitz, the Forum-sponsored blogger who first broke this story to the world, Jordan "repeated the assertion a few times, which seemed to win favor in parts of the audience and cause great strain on others."

According to Abovitz, Jordan's charges met with approval among Arab attendees "who applauded and called him 'a very brave man' for speaking up against the U.S. in a public way amongst a crowd ready to hear anti-U.S. sentiments."

There is a lesson in all of this, and not just for CNN, but for all the media. Jordan's disparaging duplicity wasn't exposed by the barons of broadcasting or the potentates of print, but by "amateurs" -- bloggers -- the same "unwashed masses" who brought down Dan Rather.

These e-mailing, Web-surfing, call-'em as you see-'em bloggers are the electronic equivalent of the pamphleteers who brought about our revolution.

Today, they "pass the word" faster than an official spokesman can draft a denial... and more believable to many than what is presented on the tube or in the paper. To the bloggers, it's clear that if Dan Rather worked for CNN, he'd still have a job. Apparently, the network that bills itself as "the most trusted name in news" has even lower standards of proof than CBS.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Did you hear about this? It's being reported that Teresa Heinz Kerry says she’s dropping the "Kerry" from her last name. She's going back to her maiden name, Teresa Heinz. You thought John had a long face before.

I'm sorry I was almost late for the show tonight. I was backstage shooting up some steroids with Jose Canseco. I can bench-press 480 now!

In his new book, Jose Canseco said that he injected steroids into the body of Mark McGwire. McGwire denied the allegations. In fact, he was so angry that he ripped five of Canseco's books in half at once.

The city of Boston held its third victory parade in 12 months yesterday. Kev, you know what the secret to a good victory parade is? I didn't think you'd know – you're from Philly!

People are always complaining that football is really so complicated. Is it really, though? Think about it – how complicated could it be if Terry Bradshaw is explaining things to you?

Pizza Hut introduced a new pizza for the Super Bowl called the "Dippin' Strips" pizza. Have you seen this thing? It's a regular pizza sliced up into strips. It's not slices, it's strips, and they give you dip to dip it into. How fat are we getting? Pizza is not greasy enough? Now we have to have extra oil to dip it in?!

A worldwide anti-terrorism conference was held recently in Saudi Arabia. An anti-terrorism conference in Saudi Arabia. Kind of like having a child protection conference at the Neverland Ranch.

Smoking in public places like restaurants is now illegal in Cuba. The Cuban authorities say that second-hand smoke is dangerous to their citizens' health – almost as dangerous as free speech, holding a demonstration or criticizing the government.

American Airlines announced, in an effort to cut costs, they're getting rid of pillows on all flights. The total estimated savings? Well, over sixty dollars!

They’re getting rid of pillows. That’s in first class. In coach they're actually going to take the foam out of the seats. You'll just sit on a metal frame!

Actually, they said it was very expensive because once a year they had to clean the pillows and the head lice in them would jam the vacuum.

Some sad news – according to the National Enquirer, Amber Frey and the father of her 9-month-old son are splitting up. I guess she found out he was married.

That's the bad news, Amber Frey and her new boyfriend are breaking up. The good news, Scott Peterson and his new boyfriend are closer than ever.

Community leaders in West Hollywood, California, are trying to ban cosmetic surgery for pets. Forget about pets, how about banning cosmetic surgery for Burt Reynolds? Can we do something about that?

And Cher too! I don't want to say Cher's had a lot of work done, but the other day she smiled and tore a rotator cuff.

Letterman

It’s a great time to be in New York City this week. It’s Fashion Week. Everyone is excited. Why, this morning my cab driver unveiled his new fragrance.

Crime in New York City is at an all-time low. It’s never been lower. I think it’s true, too, because it’s been weeks since I’ve had to use my necktie as a tourniquet.

It’s Chinese New Year. It’s the Year of the Rooster. The funny thing is I’m still writing Year of the Monkey on my checks.

I’ve been using that joke since the Year of the Donkey.

The Israelis and Palestinians have reached a cease-fire agreement. It took a long time, but they finally came together and solved that salary cap issue.

Conan

Here’s an odd story. In a new book, Jose Canseco says that he took steroids while playing for the Texas Rangers and then-owner President Bush knew all about it. Today President Bush responded by saying that he’s never known all about anything, ever.

In a recent interview, Corey Feldman says that some parts of his childhood relationship with Michael Jackson were not so innocent. What’s even more shocking is that someone interviewed Corey Feldman.

Ferguson

Valentine's Day is coming up. It’ll be here in five days. And if you haven’t got the perfect gift yet, then don’t worry – it’s still not too late to break up.

The U.S. Postal Service issued a Ronald Reagan stamp today. I can’t wait for the George W. Bush stamp. You’ll put it on a letter and the letter will go to Iraq and then return and the stamp won’t be able to explain it was doing there.

Bruce Willis will soon be working on a "Die Hard 4." He will play the role of a retired cop trapped in a bad sequel.

CNN Slimes Our Troops

With folks like powerful CNN executive Eason Jordan in charge -- a man who clearly has issues with the U.S. military -- it's no wonder our troops so often feel smeared and slimed.

Bret Stephens reports: I was in the audience of the World Economic Forum's panel discussion where Mr. Jordan spoke. What happened was this: Mr. Jordan observed that of the 60-odd journalists killed in Iraq, 12 had been targeted and killed by coalition forces. He then offered a story of an unnamed Al-Jazeera journalist who had been "tortured for weeks" at Abu Ghraib, made to eat his shoes, and called "Al-Jazeera boy" by his American captors.

Here Rep. Barney Frank, also a member of the panel, interjected: Had American troops actually targeted journalists? And had CNN done a story about it? Well no, Mr. Jordan replied, CNN hadn't done a story on this, specifically.

Another panel attendee, historian Justin Vaisse, wrote on his blog that Jordan "didn't mince words in declaring that the intentions of journalists in Iraq were never perceived as neutral and were made deliberate targets by 'both sides.'"

Michelle Malkin Reports: Jordan's defenders say he was "misunderstood" and deserves the "benefit of the doubt." But the man's record is one of incurable anti-American pandering.

Jordan's the man who admitted last spring that CNN withheld news out of Baghdad to maintain access to Saddam Hussein's regime. He was quoted last fall telling a Portuguese forum that he believed journalists had been arrested and tortured by American forces (a charge he maintains today).

In the fall of 2002, he reportedly accused the Israeli military of deliberately targeting CNN personnel "on numerous occasions." He was in the middle of the infamous Tailwind scandal, in which CNN was forced to retract a Peter Arnett report that the American military used sarin gas against its own troops in Laos. And in 1999, Jordan declared: "We are a global network, and we take global interest[s] first, not U.S. interests first."

Now, who is more deserving of the benefit of the doubt? Eason Jordan or our men and women on the battlefield?

I support the troops.

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

Hard to believe it’s February…..it’s February. The Super Bowl is over. The football season is over. You know what that means guys, you know what that means guys? Time to take down that Christmas lights.

Good news for the Philadelphia Eagles – even thought the New England Patriots won 24-21 since it’s Florida, the Eagles have now asked for a recount.

One of the Philadelphia eagles said today the reason the team did poorly in the 4th quarter was Donovan McNabb was getting sick in the huddle. He was sick, actually throwing up in the huddle. That’s a chunky soup ad you don’t want to see.

Did you all enjoy the Super Bowl commercials? You know they weren’t as good as usual. It’s funny when I saw George Bush Sr. and Bill Clinton walking together, I just thought it was a Super Bowl ad for Metamucil and Levitra!

Reporters have been asking Vice President Dick Cheney about the next presidential election. And Cheney says very firmly that he won’t be running in 2008. In fact he says in 2008, he probably won’t be walking. He’ll be lucky to be breathing by 2008.

President Bush has proposed an increase the federal tax on airline tickets to pay for additional security. That's great news, so now going to cost you extra to have your wife felt-up at the airport.

The airline industry is all upset about this new tax. And they say they don’t like the fact that Bush just decided to increase the price of a ticket without telling anybody. Well good, now they now how we feel when they do it.

A lot of American companies are now moving into Iraq. Iraq now has pizza hut, Subway, Taco Bell and Popeye’s fried chicken. So great, instead of oil for food, we’re giving them oil in food.

Did you hear this? Martha Stewart lost 20 pounds in prison. She’s become a lean, mean, sewing machine.

Happy Mardi Gras everybody? Today is "Fat Tuesday”. Have you looked around at America recently? Do we really need to say the "fat” part? It’s just Tuesday, isn’t it? Every day is a fat day. Tomorrow is obese Wednesday, then there’s big-boned Thursday and fat ass Friday.

I watched some softball over the weekend – Geraldo’s interview with Michael.

Michael Jackson said in his interview that being a celebrity has made him a target….well, that and having sex with young boys.

Michael Jackson’s ex-wife Debbie Rowe is talking about suing Michael for custody of the children. And today Michael said, "Look you can have them when they turn 15.”

The Lakers still looking for a coach. This is going to be tough to find someone. They need someone who is willing to listen to Kobe and then pass on what he says to the rest of the team.

I’m very excited, we have Clint Eastwood on the show tonight. You know he’s up for an Oscar for his film "Million Dollar Baby”. See you can really tell it’s Oscar season. Today I saw a hooker on Hollywood Blvd. Holding a sign that said, "50 dollar baby”.

This Sunday are the Grammy Awards. Hey Kev, what’s the difference between the Grammy’s and the Super Bowl? The Eagles have won at the Grammy’s.

Cher’s farewell tour is now in its third leg. I’m not saying it’s been going on a long time, but Cher is now dating guys who weren’t born when the tour began.

Debra messing from "Will & Grace”, lovely actress, has a new movie out called, "The Wedding Date”. It’s a romantic comedy about a single woman who hires a male escort to be her date to a wedding. That’s a real double standard don’t you think? Why is it a woman hiring an escort is "romantic”, but a man does it, he’s a pig?

In Switzerland, they now have a new beer specifically at a gay audience. It’s called "Queer Beer”. That’s the name "Queer Beer”. Great slogan – "Grab a Heiney”.

Conan

This is our first show back after the Super Bowl. It’s now being reported that Donovan McNabb was so ill during the 4th quarter that he about threw up. Actually he did throw up but it was intercepted by New England.

Vanilla Ice recently said that he thinks people will remember his song "Ice, Ice Baby” even when they’re 90. The interview was in "Deluded Moron” magazine.

Ferguson

Today is Fat Tuesday – or to Kristie Alley, just Tuesday.

This is huge deal in West Hollywood. They’re now calling for a ban on plastic surgery performed on pets. The controversy all started when a poodle got a chin lift but the poodle turned out to be Joan Rivers.

In the UK a man celebrated a rugby victory by cutting off his own testicles. He cut off his own testicles! What do you do when your team loses?

I’m a little behind the times when it comes to the kids. I thought about getting an ear pierced but that’s about it!

Bad News Donkeys

Bush has been particularly skillful at pushing Democrats into the corner with the dreaded "Pessimist" sign hanging overhead. Iraq is, for many Democrats, the most maddening example.

They believe Bush made a terrible mistake by starting the war and that he went on to execute it incompetently. Yet, by virtue of that very failure, he has put them in the position of supporting his policy as the only responsible way out.

It's never easy to be in opposition. You're always reacting. You can't present a unified message. You have a responsibility to criticize the incumbent and speak up for the neglected, but criticizing can easily be depicted as carping.

None of this is news to Democrats, which is why they sandwich every grumpy speech between declarations of optimism and paeans to the resilience of the American spirit. But a little Ronald Reagan rhetoric doesn't turn you into Ronald Reagan.

Fred Hiatt: Democratic presidential candidate John F. Kerry spent much of last year telling voters how badly off they were.

The economy had tanked, jobs had fled and George W. Bush (aka Herbert Hoover) "has caused these things to happen," the Massachusetts senator told the Detroit Economic Club in September.

As it turned out, there were at least three drawbacks to this line of argumentation.

One was that it wasn't true. Yes, Bush had inherited an incipient recession and the subsequent recovery had been slower than previous bounce-backs to generate jobs. But when the numbers came in last month, the U.S. economy turned out to have grown in 2004 by a very healthy 4.4 percent, producing a respectable (though far from record) total of 2.2 million jobs.

Second, misdiagnosis led Kerry to a number of misguided prescriptions, many of them centering on "Benedict Arnold" chief executives.

But worst, at least from a political perspective, the hectoring made Kerry look like a grump. A challenger can run on a bad economy if people really feel bad; if he seems to be trying to convince them that they should feel bad, he's in trouble.

Pictures Of The Day

More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.

Saddam And Elections

Kerry Hedges on Form 180

Sen. John Kerry reiterated his pledge on Monday to sign the form that would allow the government to release all his military records, but said he wanted to know exactly what was in his file before doing so.

"I have a stack of different material they sent me," Kerry told radio host Don Imus. "Every time they send me something I want to know what they sent me."

"I'll get it done," Kerry insisted in the next breath.

Last week the 2008 presidential hopeful suggested he wanted to review his full Navy file to make sure of "what is in the record and what isn't in the record" before signing Form 180.

"I'm going to sit down with them and make sure that they are clear and I am clear as to what is in the record and what isn't in the record and we'll put it out," he told "Meet the Press" host Tim Russert.

Kerry did not explain his reference to "what isn't in the record," though questions arose late in the campaign about why he received his honorable discharge six years after leaving the service.

Pressed earlier today on when he intended to sign Form 180, Kerry said only, "Shortly."

The full exchange went like this:

IMUS: You also told Tim that you would sign Form 180 releasing all of your military records. Have you done that?

KERRY: Yeah. We're gonna do that. Absolutely, I will. But listen, I also think ...

IMUS: When are you going to do that?

KERRY: As soon as I get, as required by the military, precisely ...

IMUS: Why don't you do it today?

KERRY; Because I have a stack of different material they sent me. Every time they send me something I want to know what they sent me. I'll get it done. ...

IMUS: By noon today?

KERRY: No. But shortly. [END OF EXCERPT]

Pictures Of The Day

More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.

Budget - 2006

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

How many of you returned your big-screen TV to Circuit City today? "It was fine yesterday, now there’s something wrong.”

Congratulations the New England Patriots beat the Philadelphia Eagles! Eagles played a great game. This is the Patriots third super bowl in four years. Do you realize Tom Brady now has more rings that Kobe’s wife?

I tell you, Boston is my hometown and people went crazy in Boston. For a minute it looked like the celebration was going to get violent. Fans wanted to turn over cars, but no one felt like digging them out of the snow first.

This year for the first time the game was broadcast in high definition TV. You know the picture is so amazingly detailed, you can actually see two or three of the hairs on Terry Bradshaw’s head.

I’ll tell ya, that was pretty tame. The closest thing we had to seeing a breast fly out was with Charlie Daniels!

See Charlie Daniels in the pre game show? He put on a few pounds. Oh man, forget Georgia, looks like the devil went down to Fat Burger! That’s what happened.

It was different because this year the game was great and the commercials were lame. Usually it’s the other way around. Did you see that one commercials. Did you see the one where the guy gets dunked in a giant container of clam chowder…..I’m sorry, that’s tonight!

Did you hear about this? When President Bush gave his State of the Union speech, he announced that the person heading up an offensive on gangs would be his wife Laura Bush. Today the first lady announced the name of her anti-gang program "Just say yo.”

In an interview, Dick Cheney says there’s no way he’ll run for president in 2008. I guess 8 years of being president is enough.

In Boston, the Priest Paul Shanley was found guilty on all counts in his sex abuse trial. I guess that means Michael Jackson is losing a character witness.

Things are not looking good for Michael Jackson and his "no child left behind” policy.

Did you see Michael Jackson’s interview with Geraldo Rivera? Michael defends his sister’s wardrobe malfunction. He said he told her at the time, "Don’t worry, I’ve seen worse”. Yeah, that’s why he’s on trial! Hello!

Letterman

It’s an exciting time to be in New York City. It’s Fashion Week. (sarcastic tone) And you can certainly tell by this crowd.

During Fashion Week the city is full of supermodels. Just today I saw a supermodel with a sign around her neck that said "Will starve for food.”

I ask no sympathy from you tonight even though I’m doing the show with two screws and a metal plate in my ankle.

I have something great to pass along. If you drink champagne, there’s several cases you can get real cheap from the Philadelphia Eagles.

Did you see the halftime show? It was clean, it was wholesome, it was family friendly – that’s right - it sucked.

What I like about the Super Bowl are the commercials. Did you see the one with Burt Reynolds and the bear? The bear was the only one with his own hair.

Kennedy vs. Kennedy

On January 20, 1961, at his presidential inauguration John F. Kennedy spoke eloquently about his and America's commitment to liberty. Forty-four years later on January 27, 2005, Senator Edward M. Kennedy delivered a prepared speech making it clear he does not share his brother's love of freedom or commitment to its preservation.

George Landrith: Senator Ted Kennedy has spent a lifetime in the shadow of his older brother, John Kennedy. Now we know why. John was a patriot. Teddy is a political hack.

But don't take my word for it. Let's compare their words. John Kennedy said:

"Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and success of liberty. This much we pledge -- and more.... United, there is little we cannot do.... Divided, there is little we can do.... In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility -- I welcome it."

Just a few days before the first democratic elections in Iraq, Senator Ted Kennedy said, "The U.S. military presence [in Iraq] has become part of the problem, not part of the solution." He praised other nations of the Middle East for being "independent" -- even though aside from Israel, they are not free and do not hold elections. But he noted that Iraq "is now beginning the 21st Century under American occupation."

John Kennedy would have seen America as a liberator. Ted Kennedy sees America as an occupier.

What a stark comparison! John Kennedy was a defender of freedom. Ted Kennedy embarrassed himself, further stained his family's reputation, and firmly cemented his place among the "blame America first" crowd.

Aljazeera quotes Kennedy arguing that Iraq is clearly another "Vietnam." Every time, someone applies the "Vietnam" label to Iraq, the terrorists take courage. They know that America was not defeated on the battlefields in Vietnam, but on the streets of America as the anti-war crowd broke America's will and vilified American soldiers under the leadership of John Kerry.

Likewise, terrorists understand that they cannot defeat American troops in the streets of Iraq. But terrorists hope they can break America's resolve on our streets at home.

John Kerry and Howard Dean gave the terrorists hope during the presidential elections. Now Ted Kennedy gives them hope. And America's soldiers are left to wonder why a U.S. Senator would talk them, the mission, and their accomplishments down.

What has happened to the Kennedy clan and their slide from American patriot to anti-American political hack is a microcosm of what has been happening to the ever-leftward lurching Democratic Party. If you don't believe me, just ask retired Senator Zell Miller (D-GA).

Late-Night Jokes

Leno

You all excited about the Super Bowl? As you know, they have extra security at the Super Bowl. Just in case a terrorist tries to get in or a breast tries to get out.

This year it’s going to be broadcast in high definition. This way you’ll actually be able to see the tears forming in the Philadelphia fans eyes.

Kev, I will be fair and say the Eagles could win the Super Bowl. Just like Coors could win the Bud Bowl.

Everybody was commenting the other night that Stephen Breyer was the only Supreme Court justice there for the State of the Union. Turns out Justice Scalia was also there. But he was in Dick Cheney’s pocket.

President Bush announced he wants Americans to have their own private personal fund. Or as John Kerry calls that, "the wife”.

New Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice is on a tour of all our European allies. That's should take about 15 minutes.

It looks like we’ll be hearing a lot about the "No Child Left Behind” program over the next few months. But enough about Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe has agreed to testify against him. Today Michael called Robert Blake and said, "How do you get to Vitello's?"

Jackson said in the Geraldo interview that he designed Neverland so he could enjoy the childhood he never had. Drinking wine while going through your porn collection? Hey I never had that childhood either. What childhood is that?

Jackson said in the Geraldo interview that he designed Neverland so he could enjoy the childhood he never had. You know he's been saying this since he was 20.

Michael Jackson is 46. You've had a childhood for 26 years. Quit saying you never had a childhood. You've now had the longest childhood in the world. You've never had an adulthood. That's what you've never had.

Budweiser announced they are coming out with a beer that has caffeine in it. "I am so tired in the morning. I really don't get moving until I have my first cup of beer."

Beer with caffeine? Who is this for? People that don't want to risk falling asleep after having sex with an ugly person?

I'm not making this up in Switzerland, a company is marketing a beer directed at gay people. If you drink too much you're pulled over by a cop, a construction worker, an Indian, a cowboy....

It comes in bottle although most guys like it in the can.

Tokyo Ted

As the destroyer made her way up "The Slot" the sultry voice rang out over the radio: "Hello, boys - you orphans of the Pacific. How do you feel now that your ships have been sunk by the Imperial Japanese Navy? How do you like it that while you are fighting and dying your wives and sweethearts are running around on you at home with the 4 Fs?"

Jennifer King: Despite the enduring myth, "Tokyo Rose" was never a real person. Troops in the Pacific came up with the appellation, which was used to describe a variety of female radio propagandists during WWII. Nevertheless, "Tokyo Rose" became American shorthand for "traitor". Iva Ikuro Toguri - an American UCLA graduate accused of being "Tokyo Rose" - was prosecuted and convicted of treason in 1948.

On the eve of Sunday's historic elections in Iraq, Senator Ted Kennedy took to the podium in order to stage a stunning display of defeatism, pessimism and vicious anti-Americanism.

Kennedy issued a variety of outrageous statements, saying that the American military presence in Iraq was "the problem, not the solution" and that Iraq "had to live under Ottoman occupation in the twentieth century, and is now living under American occupation in the twenty-first."

The malignantly magniloquent Massachusettsan further insisted that Iraq be "given back to the Iraqis" and that American troops should leave forthwith.

Senator Kennedy is a bloviating blowhard whose most outrageous libels are nevertheless overlooked by most of the media. Kennedy has called the war in Iraq, "A war made up for political gain", "George Bush's Vietnam" and - of course - the favored "quagmire".

His Johns Hopkins speech, timed to play prominently before the elections, was meant to dampen morale and optimism in Iraqi citizens, the Iraqi police forces, American troops and our allies. It received prominent attention on Al Jazeera.

Nevertheless, on Sunday, the Iraqi people stuck a bright purple finger in the face of Ted Kennedy and all the liberal, pessimistic naysayers. Determined Iraqis were photographed, by the thousands, walking miles to the polling places.

Despite the death threats, dire warnings from the media and personal intimidation, Iraqis nevertheless gathered to exult in outbreaks of spontaneous joy. Many showed off their newly purpled fingers in victory signs.

Someone might want to inform our friends on the Left. The highly successful election and the visible and vivid exuberance of the Iraqis who participated in them has left them wholly flummoxed.

A couple of lefties have also complained, in a chilling bit of unintended irony, that "Saddam Hussein did not get to vote."

Iva Ikuko Toguri was undoubtedly unjustly pilloried as "Tokyo Rose" and unfairly jailed. Other women radio propagandists like "Madame Tojo" and the "Nightengale of Nanking" were far more sinister.

However, Toguri was an American citizen who was perceived to be working against her country and giving "aid and comfort" to the enemy at a time of war. Americans in 1948 were in no mood to sanction that behavior.

Tokyo Rose got ten years in prison. It would be great if Tokyo Ted could get at least one.