Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Obama's Popularity Plunging
The latest Rasmussen daily tracking poll shows that President Barack Obama for the first time has a negative approval index — more Americans disapprove of his job performance than approve.
In an exclusive Newsmax interview, pollster Scott Rasmussen also disclosed that, if the economy does not improve over the next year, Obama's numbers will deteriorate even further — and Democrats will suffer in 2010.
Rasmussen is founder and CEO of Rasmussen Reports and co-founder of the sports network ESPN. He has been an independent public opinion pollster for over a decade, and most major news organizations cite his reports.
Newsmax.TV's Ashley Martella asked Rasmussen for an overview of the latest tracking poll.
"The raw numbers are pretty straightforward — 31 percent of Americans strongly approve of the way Barack Obama is handling his job, 33 percent strongly disapprove," Rasmussen said.
"Before the last week we never had a circumstance where the number who disapprove outweigh the number who approve. So we're in new territory. Right now the approval index, at minus two, is as low as it's been.
"What we've seen in the last month is a growing number of people who strongly disapprove, and we're seeing it at a time when the president's honeymoon is coming to an end and people are beginning to look at the policies that he's promoting."
The closeness of the approve/disapprove numbers are "yet another indicator of how evenly divided our nation is," he added.
On specific issues, Rasmussen disclosed:
"When we talk about healthcare reform and the proposal the president is talking about, the country is fairly evenly divided. But those who have strong opinions tend to oppose the plan more than support it.
"On the cap-and-trade legislation [to reduce carbon emissions], 42 percent believe it's going to hurt the economy. Only 19 percent believe it's going to help.
"The takeover of General Motors is strongly opposed.
"Right now those things are weighing the president down. What's going to tell over the next year is how the economy performs. If a year from today, GM is doing great and throwing off profits and getting the taxpayers their money back, people will say we were wrong, the president was right, and it's great for him. But if GM is back asking for more bailouts, the president's numbers will be substantially weaker than they are today . . .
"If the economy responds negatively over the next year, it is going to hurt the Democrats in 2010.
"What the passage of legislation will actually do is bring ownership of the economy and economic performance more and more into Barack Obama's camp.
"Just over a month ago, 62 percent of Americans said that no matter what's happened in the last six months, George Bush is still more to blame for the economic mess than Barack Obama. That number fell to 54 percent, and the more of Obama's policies that are put in place, the more the blame or perhaps the credit will shift to the current president."
Rasmussen also found:
The country is evenly split between those who approve of the way Obama has responded to the disputed elections in Iran and the repression of demonstrations that followed, and those who disapprove and believe he has not been aggressive enough.
More Americans strongly oppose Obama's healthcare plan than strongly support it.
About 30 percent of Americans favor a single-payer healthcare system, but a majority will oppose it.
"Americans like the idea of healthcare reform in theory, in the abstract," Rasmussen said.
"Only 35 percent think this system is in good or excellent shape. But people like the coverage they get by themselves. Among the insured, 70 percent say their own coverage is good or excellent. Among all Americans, only 8 percent say their coverage is poor."
The latest Rasmussen daily tracking poll shows that President Barack Obama for the first time has a negative approval index — more Americans disapprove of his job performance than approve.
In an exclusive Newsmax interview, pollster Scott Rasmussen also disclosed that, if the economy does not improve over the next year, Obama's numbers will deteriorate even further — and Democrats will suffer in 2010.
Rasmussen is founder and CEO of Rasmussen Reports and co-founder of the sports network ESPN. He has been an independent public opinion pollster for over a decade, and most major news organizations cite his reports.
Newsmax.TV's Ashley Martella asked Rasmussen for an overview of the latest tracking poll.
"The raw numbers are pretty straightforward — 31 percent of Americans strongly approve of the way Barack Obama is handling his job, 33 percent strongly disapprove," Rasmussen said.
"Before the last week we never had a circumstance where the number who disapprove outweigh the number who approve. So we're in new territory. Right now the approval index, at minus two, is as low as it's been.
"What we've seen in the last month is a growing number of people who strongly disapprove, and we're seeing it at a time when the president's honeymoon is coming to an end and people are beginning to look at the policies that he's promoting."
The closeness of the approve/disapprove numbers are "yet another indicator of how evenly divided our nation is," he added.
On specific issues, Rasmussen disclosed:
"When we talk about healthcare reform and the proposal the president is talking about, the country is fairly evenly divided. But those who have strong opinions tend to oppose the plan more than support it.
"On the cap-and-trade legislation [to reduce carbon emissions], 42 percent believe it's going to hurt the economy. Only 19 percent believe it's going to help.
"The takeover of General Motors is strongly opposed.
"Right now those things are weighing the president down. What's going to tell over the next year is how the economy performs. If a year from today, GM is doing great and throwing off profits and getting the taxpayers their money back, people will say we were wrong, the president was right, and it's great for him. But if GM is back asking for more bailouts, the president's numbers will be substantially weaker than they are today . . .
"If the economy responds negatively over the next year, it is going to hurt the Democrats in 2010.
"What the passage of legislation will actually do is bring ownership of the economy and economic performance more and more into Barack Obama's camp.
"Just over a month ago, 62 percent of Americans said that no matter what's happened in the last six months, George Bush is still more to blame for the economic mess than Barack Obama. That number fell to 54 percent, and the more of Obama's policies that are put in place, the more the blame or perhaps the credit will shift to the current president."
Rasmussen also found:
The country is evenly split between those who approve of the way Obama has responded to the disputed elections in Iran and the repression of demonstrations that followed, and those who disapprove and believe he has not been aggressive enough.
More Americans strongly oppose Obama's healthcare plan than strongly support it.
About 30 percent of Americans favor a single-payer healthcare system, but a majority will oppose it.
"Americans like the idea of healthcare reform in theory, in the abstract," Rasmussen said.
"Only 35 percent think this system is in good or excellent shape. But people like the coverage they get by themselves. Among the insured, 70 percent say their own coverage is good or excellent. Among all Americans, only 8 percent say their coverage is poor."
Monday, June 29, 2009
Annual Cost of Climate Change Bill: $560 Per American
The passage of U.S. carbon legislation is likely to result in increased oil imports, declining investment and the closure of large refining plants in the United States by the country’s largest oil companies, according to experts interviewed by Bloomberg.com.
Under the Waxman-Markey climate bill that passed the U.S. House Friday, domestic companies would have to buy allowances for carbon dioxide spewed from their plants and from vehicles when motorists burn their fuel, Bloomberg reports. Foreign oil companies, though, need permits only for the latter, which ConocoPhillips Chief Executive Officer Jim Mulva said would create a competitive imbalance.
The measure, a key priority for President Barack Obama, squeaked through the House on Friday, 219-212, with 44 Democrats voting against it.
“It will lead to the opportunity for foreign sources to bring in transportation fuels at a lower cost, which will have an adverse impact to our industry, potential shutdown of refineries and investment and, ultimately, employment,” Mulva told Bloomberg. Houston-based ConocoPhillips has the second-largest U.S. refining capacity.
Not everyone with a background in the energy business agrees, though. T. Boone Pickens, the legendary oilman who has been pushing an alternative energy plan over the last year, called the House passage of the legislation “important first steps in advancing the use of renewable energy in our nation’s power grid. The American public wants this, and they recognize the important role a Green Bank, Renewable Electricity Standard (RES) and transmission provisions will have in revitalizing our economy,” Pickens said.
“But we cannot lose site of the work that needs to be done, and that is focusing on legislation that will address once and for all our ever-increasing dependence on foreign oil,” Pickens said in a statement released Friday. “It’s a national security and economic threat that we must face. We have to focus on replacing our foreign oil/diesel/gasoline use with abundant domestic fuels such as natural gas.”
On Sunday, though, leading GOP senators said they would fight the cap-and-trade legislation with every available resource.
“This bill coming out of the House is going nowhere in the Senate,” Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., said on NBC’s “Meet the Press.”
Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, the top Republican on the Senate Finance Committee, said the House package would cost jobs and made the case for an international approach.
“We’ve got to have an international agreement so we have a level playing field,” he said in an appearance on ABC’s “This Week.”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., appearing on “Fox News Sunday,” called the measure a jobs killer and argued it would lead to electricity rate hikes.
“If we do have a global warming problem, and many people believe we do, we need to target it on a global basis,” he said, suggesting the need to address foreign polluters like China and India.
Ironically, though, foreign producers of fossil fuels may actually benefit under the Democrat-backed plan now before the Senate. Imported gasoline would be 10 cents cheaper for each dollar in carbon costs tacked on to domestic gas, according to energy consulting firm Wood Mackenzie in Houston. Instead of reducing dependence on overseas energy suppliers, Americans would be more dependent than ever, Clayton Mahaffey, an analyst at RedChip Cos. in Maitland, Florida, told Bloomberg. Imports would rise dramatically.
“They’ll be searching the globe for refined products that don’t carry the same level of carbon costs,” said Mahaffey, a former Exxon Corp. refinery manager.
The cost to domestic fuel production in the United States will be enormous.
The equivalent of one in six U.S. refineries probably would close by 2020 as the cost of carbon allowances erases profits, according to the American Petroleum Institute, a Washington trade group known as API. Carbon permits would add 77 cents a gallon to the price of gasoline, said Russell Jones, the API’s senior economic adviser.
“Because it’s going to be more expensive to produce the stuff, refiners will slow down production and cut back on inventories to squeeze every penny of profit they can from the system,” said Geoffrey Styles, founder of GSW Strategy Group LLC in Vienna, Virginia. “We will end up with less domestic product on the market and a greater reliance on imports, all of which means higher, more volatile prices.”
Ordinary Americans will bear the brunt of these costs, experts told Bloomberg. Drivers, airlines and trucking companies would pay an additional $178 billion annually, or about $560 for each man, woman and child in the U.S., according to the API, whose 400 members include Irving, Texas-based Exxon Mobil and the U.S. unit of Royal Dutch Shell Plc, Europe’s largest oil company.
“That kind of price impact would significantly hurt the competitiveness of U.S. refiners versus importers,” said Glenn McGinnis, chief executive officer at Arizona Clean Fuels Yuma, a Phoenix-based company that’s attempting to build the nation’s first new refinery in three decades
The passage of U.S. carbon legislation is likely to result in increased oil imports, declining investment and the closure of large refining plants in the United States by the country’s largest oil companies, according to experts interviewed by Bloomberg.com.
Under the Waxman-Markey climate bill that passed the U.S. House Friday, domestic companies would have to buy allowances for carbon dioxide spewed from their plants and from vehicles when motorists burn their fuel, Bloomberg reports. Foreign oil companies, though, need permits only for the latter, which ConocoPhillips Chief Executive Officer Jim Mulva said would create a competitive imbalance.
The measure, a key priority for President Barack Obama, squeaked through the House on Friday, 219-212, with 44 Democrats voting against it.
“It will lead to the opportunity for foreign sources to bring in transportation fuels at a lower cost, which will have an adverse impact to our industry, potential shutdown of refineries and investment and, ultimately, employment,” Mulva told Bloomberg. Houston-based ConocoPhillips has the second-largest U.S. refining capacity.
Not everyone with a background in the energy business agrees, though. T. Boone Pickens, the legendary oilman who has been pushing an alternative energy plan over the last year, called the House passage of the legislation “important first steps in advancing the use of renewable energy in our nation’s power grid. The American public wants this, and they recognize the important role a Green Bank, Renewable Electricity Standard (RES) and transmission provisions will have in revitalizing our economy,” Pickens said.
“But we cannot lose site of the work that needs to be done, and that is focusing on legislation that will address once and for all our ever-increasing dependence on foreign oil,” Pickens said in a statement released Friday. “It’s a national security and economic threat that we must face. We have to focus on replacing our foreign oil/diesel/gasoline use with abundant domestic fuels such as natural gas.”
On Sunday, though, leading GOP senators said they would fight the cap-and-trade legislation with every available resource.
“This bill coming out of the House is going nowhere in the Senate,” Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., said on NBC’s “Meet the Press.”
Sen. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, the top Republican on the Senate Finance Committee, said the House package would cost jobs and made the case for an international approach.
“We’ve got to have an international agreement so we have a level playing field,” he said in an appearance on ABC’s “This Week.”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., appearing on “Fox News Sunday,” called the measure a jobs killer and argued it would lead to electricity rate hikes.
“If we do have a global warming problem, and many people believe we do, we need to target it on a global basis,” he said, suggesting the need to address foreign polluters like China and India.
Ironically, though, foreign producers of fossil fuels may actually benefit under the Democrat-backed plan now before the Senate. Imported gasoline would be 10 cents cheaper for each dollar in carbon costs tacked on to domestic gas, according to energy consulting firm Wood Mackenzie in Houston. Instead of reducing dependence on overseas energy suppliers, Americans would be more dependent than ever, Clayton Mahaffey, an analyst at RedChip Cos. in Maitland, Florida, told Bloomberg. Imports would rise dramatically.
“They’ll be searching the globe for refined products that don’t carry the same level of carbon costs,” said Mahaffey, a former Exxon Corp. refinery manager.
The cost to domestic fuel production in the United States will be enormous.
The equivalent of one in six U.S. refineries probably would close by 2020 as the cost of carbon allowances erases profits, according to the American Petroleum Institute, a Washington trade group known as API. Carbon permits would add 77 cents a gallon to the price of gasoline, said Russell Jones, the API’s senior economic adviser.
“Because it’s going to be more expensive to produce the stuff, refiners will slow down production and cut back on inventories to squeeze every penny of profit they can from the system,” said Geoffrey Styles, founder of GSW Strategy Group LLC in Vienna, Virginia. “We will end up with less domestic product on the market and a greater reliance on imports, all of which means higher, more volatile prices.”
Ordinary Americans will bear the brunt of these costs, experts told Bloomberg. Drivers, airlines and trucking companies would pay an additional $178 billion annually, or about $560 for each man, woman and child in the U.S., according to the API, whose 400 members include Irving, Texas-based Exxon Mobil and the U.S. unit of Royal Dutch Shell Plc, Europe’s largest oil company.
“That kind of price impact would significantly hurt the competitiveness of U.S. refiners versus importers,” said Glenn McGinnis, chief executive officer at Arizona Clean Fuels Yuma, a Phoenix-based company that’s attempting to build the nation’s first new refinery in three decades
Sunday, June 28, 2009
44 Democrats Broke With Obama on Climate Bill
The majority of the 52 House members who broke party ranks on Friday’s cap-and-trade climate change vote came from congressional districts that backed the presidential nominee of the opposite party in last year’s election.
Nearly all of these members will face competitive races in 2010, according to Congressional Quarterly, and many will likely brandish this ostensibly independent vote as evidence of their political independence.
Here’s the list of the 44 Democratic "no" votes that chose to go against their party leader, President Barack Obama. There were also 8 Republican "yes" votes. The bill
passed 219-212.
Among the Democrats who voted "no" and represent McCain-voting districts:
Bobby Bright, Parker Griffith and Artur Davis of Alabama.
Ann Kirkpatrick and Harry E. Mitchell of Arizona.
Marion Berry and Mike Ross of Arkansas.
John Salazar of Colorado
Jim Marshall of Georgia.
Walt Minnick of Idaho; Joe Donnelly and Brad Ellsworth of Indiana.
Charlie Melancon of Louisiana.
Travis W. Childers and Gene Taylor of Mississippi.
Eric Massa of New York.
Mike McIntyre of North Carolina.
Earl Pomeroy of North Dakota.
Charlie Wilson of Ohio.
Dan Boren of Oklahoma.
Jason Altmire, Christopher Carney and\Kathy Dahlkemper of Pennsylvania.
Stephanie Herseth Sandlin of South Dakota;
Lincoln Davis and John Tanner of Tennessee.
Chet Edwards of Texas.
Jim Matheson of Utah.
Alan B. Mollohan and Nick J. Rahall II of West Virginia.
(Davis is running for governor, Melancon is likely to challenge Republican
Sen. David Vitter and Herseth Sandlin is weighing a race for governor).
Among the Democrats who voted "no" and represent Obama-voting districts:
Jim Costa and Pete Stark of California.
John Barrow of Georgia.
Bill Foster of Illinois.
Peter J. Visclosky of Indiana.
Michael Arcuri of New York.
Larry Kissell of North Carolina.
Dennis J. Kucinich of Ohio.
Peter A. DeFazio of Oregon.
Ciro D. Rodriguez and Solomon P. Ortiz of Texas.
Glenn Nye of Virginia.
Republicans who voted "yes" and represent Obama-voting districts (7): Mary
Bono Mack of California; Michael N. Castle of Delaware; Mark Steven Kirk of
Illinois; Frank A. LoBiondo and Leonard Lance of New Jersey; John M. McHugh
of New York; Dave Reichert of Washington.
(Castle and Kirk are weighing bids for statewide office in their
Democratic-leaning states. Along with Reichert, they are three of the six
House Republicans who represent districts that voted Democratic for
president in both 2004 and 2008).
Republicans who voted "yes" and represent McCain-voting districts (1):
Christopher H. Smith of New Jersey.
The majority of the 52 House members who broke party ranks on Friday’s cap-and-trade climate change vote came from congressional districts that backed the presidential nominee of the opposite party in last year’s election.
Nearly all of these members will face competitive races in 2010, according to Congressional Quarterly, and many will likely brandish this ostensibly independent vote as evidence of their political independence.
Here’s the list of the 44 Democratic "no" votes that chose to go against their party leader, President Barack Obama. There were also 8 Republican "yes" votes. The bill
passed 219-212.
Among the Democrats who voted "no" and represent McCain-voting districts:
Bobby Bright, Parker Griffith and Artur Davis of Alabama.
Ann Kirkpatrick and Harry E. Mitchell of Arizona.
Marion Berry and Mike Ross of Arkansas.
John Salazar of Colorado
Jim Marshall of Georgia.
Walt Minnick of Idaho; Joe Donnelly and Brad Ellsworth of Indiana.
Charlie Melancon of Louisiana.
Travis W. Childers and Gene Taylor of Mississippi.
Eric Massa of New York.
Mike McIntyre of North Carolina.
Earl Pomeroy of North Dakota.
Charlie Wilson of Ohio.
Dan Boren of Oklahoma.
Jason Altmire, Christopher Carney and\Kathy Dahlkemper of Pennsylvania.
Stephanie Herseth Sandlin of South Dakota;
Lincoln Davis and John Tanner of Tennessee.
Chet Edwards of Texas.
Jim Matheson of Utah.
Alan B. Mollohan and Nick J. Rahall II of West Virginia.
(Davis is running for governor, Melancon is likely to challenge Republican
Sen. David Vitter and Herseth Sandlin is weighing a race for governor).
Among the Democrats who voted "no" and represent Obama-voting districts:
Jim Costa and Pete Stark of California.
John Barrow of Georgia.
Bill Foster of Illinois.
Peter J. Visclosky of Indiana.
Michael Arcuri of New York.
Larry Kissell of North Carolina.
Dennis J. Kucinich of Ohio.
Peter A. DeFazio of Oregon.
Ciro D. Rodriguez and Solomon P. Ortiz of Texas.
Glenn Nye of Virginia.
Republicans who voted "yes" and represent Obama-voting districts (7): Mary
Bono Mack of California; Michael N. Castle of Delaware; Mark Steven Kirk of
Illinois; Frank A. LoBiondo and Leonard Lance of New Jersey; John M. McHugh
of New York; Dave Reichert of Washington.
(Castle and Kirk are weighing bids for statewide office in their
Democratic-leaning states. Along with Reichert, they are three of the six
House Republicans who represent districts that voted Democratic for
president in both 2004 and 2008).
Republicans who voted "yes" and represent McCain-voting districts (1):
Christopher H. Smith of New Jersey.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Obama Breaks Promise, Embraces Healthcare Tax
WASHINGTON – The Obama White House left open the possibility Sunday that the president would break a campaign promise and raise taxes on people earning less than $250,000 to support his health care overhaul agenda.
White House adviser David Axelrod said the administration wouldn't rule out taxing some employees' benefits to fund a health care agenda that has yet to take final form. The move would be a compromise with fellow Democrats, who are pushing the proposal as a way to pay for the massive undertaking without ballooning the federal deficit.
"There are a number of formulations and we'll wait and see. The important thing at this point is to keep the process moving, to keep people at the table, to the keep the discussions going," Axelrod said. "We've gotten a long way down the road and we want to finish that journey."
But if President Barack Obama compromises on that point, it would reverse a campaign tax promise.
"I pledge that under my plan, no one making less than $250,000 a year will see any type of tax increase," Obama told a crowd in Dover, N.H., last year. "Not income tax, not capital gains taxes, not any kind of tax."
At the time, his Republican rival, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., was proposing a tax on health benefits similar to the plan Obama is now considering. Just a year ago, Obama spent millions on campaign commercials attacking the idea.
One ad accused McCain of favoring "taxing health benefits for the first time ever ... taxing health care instead of fixing it. We can't afford John McCain."
A second Obama ad called McCain's approach "the largest middle-class tax increase in history." Driving the point home, it contended the "McCain tax could cost your family thousands. Can you afford it?"
Under the current proposals, a tax on health benefits would affect only those with pricey health plans. The idea would be to tax as income the portion of health benefits worth more than a specified limit. Officials are considering several options, including one that would set the limit at $17,240 for family coverage and $6,800 for individuals.
Plans worth more than that would be taxed; those worth less would see no increase.
Obama has faced similar criticism before. When he increased taxes on tobacco to pay for a children's health bill, his critics said he was raising taxes on those making less than $250,000 a year.
Obama left open the possibility of a tax during interviews last week, insisting he wasn't taking any option off the table despite his personal opposition. But two of his high-profile advisers — budget chief Peter Orszag and economic adviser Jason Furman — both have indicated they support some taxes on health benefits to pay for the overhaul.
Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, said that Obama should step in an oppose the tax if he's truly against it. Otherwise, he faces a loss to his own Democratic Party and his own campaign credibility.
"I think it's going to take presidential leadership to get people of his party to see that we shouldn't be subsidizing high-end health insurance policies that drive up inflation in health insurance," said Grassley, the top Republican on the powerful finance committee.
Grassley — and, to be sure, other Republicans — remember Obama's scathing criticism of their GOP presidential nominee.
"Since the president denigrated John McCain's effort to move in this direction during the campaign, it's going to take, in order to win over Republicans, presidential leadership in that direction," Grassley said.
To help sell his plan, Obama scheduled a town hall-style meeting this week in Annandale, Va., a Washington suburb. He plans to take questions Wednesday from the audience and from online sites such as Facebook, YouTube and Twitter.
Axelrod insisted that the White House has made progress on a health care plan and is working with Congress. Even so, the emerging legislation is hardly the bipartisan collaboration Obama's top advisers had sought.
"One of the problems we've had in this town is that people draw lines in the sand and they stop talking to each other," Axelrod said. "And you don't get anything done. That's not the way the president approaches us."
Axelrod appeared on ABC's "This Week" and NBC's "Meet the Press." Grassley appeared on "This Week."
WASHINGTON – The Obama White House left open the possibility Sunday that the president would break a campaign promise and raise taxes on people earning less than $250,000 to support his health care overhaul agenda.
White House adviser David Axelrod said the administration wouldn't rule out taxing some employees' benefits to fund a health care agenda that has yet to take final form. The move would be a compromise with fellow Democrats, who are pushing the proposal as a way to pay for the massive undertaking without ballooning the federal deficit.
"There are a number of formulations and we'll wait and see. The important thing at this point is to keep the process moving, to keep people at the table, to the keep the discussions going," Axelrod said. "We've gotten a long way down the road and we want to finish that journey."
But if President Barack Obama compromises on that point, it would reverse a campaign tax promise.
"I pledge that under my plan, no one making less than $250,000 a year will see any type of tax increase," Obama told a crowd in Dover, N.H., last year. "Not income tax, not capital gains taxes, not any kind of tax."
At the time, his Republican rival, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., was proposing a tax on health benefits similar to the plan Obama is now considering. Just a year ago, Obama spent millions on campaign commercials attacking the idea.
One ad accused McCain of favoring "taxing health benefits for the first time ever ... taxing health care instead of fixing it. We can't afford John McCain."
A second Obama ad called McCain's approach "the largest middle-class tax increase in history." Driving the point home, it contended the "McCain tax could cost your family thousands. Can you afford it?"
Under the current proposals, a tax on health benefits would affect only those with pricey health plans. The idea would be to tax as income the portion of health benefits worth more than a specified limit. Officials are considering several options, including one that would set the limit at $17,240 for family coverage and $6,800 for individuals.
Plans worth more than that would be taxed; those worth less would see no increase.
Obama has faced similar criticism before. When he increased taxes on tobacco to pay for a children's health bill, his critics said he was raising taxes on those making less than $250,000 a year.
Obama left open the possibility of a tax during interviews last week, insisting he wasn't taking any option off the table despite his personal opposition. But two of his high-profile advisers — budget chief Peter Orszag and economic adviser Jason Furman — both have indicated they support some taxes on health benefits to pay for the overhaul.
Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, said that Obama should step in an oppose the tax if he's truly against it. Otherwise, he faces a loss to his own Democratic Party and his own campaign credibility.
"I think it's going to take presidential leadership to get people of his party to see that we shouldn't be subsidizing high-end health insurance policies that drive up inflation in health insurance," said Grassley, the top Republican on the powerful finance committee.
Grassley — and, to be sure, other Republicans — remember Obama's scathing criticism of their GOP presidential nominee.
"Since the president denigrated John McCain's effort to move in this direction during the campaign, it's going to take, in order to win over Republicans, presidential leadership in that direction," Grassley said.
To help sell his plan, Obama scheduled a town hall-style meeting this week in Annandale, Va., a Washington suburb. He plans to take questions Wednesday from the audience and from online sites such as Facebook, YouTube and Twitter.
Axelrod insisted that the White House has made progress on a health care plan and is working with Congress. Even so, the emerging legislation is hardly the bipartisan collaboration Obama's top advisers had sought.
"One of the problems we've had in this town is that people draw lines in the sand and they stop talking to each other," Axelrod said. "And you don't get anything done. That's not the way the president approaches us."
Axelrod appeared on ABC's "This Week" and NBC's "Meet the Press." Grassley appeared on "This Week."
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
It’s been reported that Gov. Sanford’s mistress was a reporter for an Argentinean news channel. This makes Sanford just the latest Republican to claim he got screwed by the media.
Earlier today Sanford apologized to his Cabinet for having the affair with an Argentinean woman. In response, his Cabinet members said, “An apology is not good enough — we want photos.”
In Iran, opposition groups have announced that, from now on, they’re going to hold their protest rallies online. The protesters say they’re going to overthrow the Iranian regime, and then they’re going after that YouTube cat that plays the piano.
The new Transformers movie is a huge hit. Sources say that 65 General Motors cars were provided for the movie “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” General Motors said they will be providing even more of their cars for next one, “Transforms III: Revenge of the Lemons.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Too Fat
10. When people first meet you they say, "Lemme guess — opera singer?"
9. You live on 23rd, 24th, and 25th streets
8. Barack Obama has requested $3 billion to bail you out of your bed
7. When doctor says you're pregnant with octuplets, you have to remind him you're a man
6. Often get free waffles at Denny's by claiming to be Rush Limbaugh
5. When you get on a scale, it says, "One at a time!"
4. On your visit to Russia, cholesterol checks you
3. Since this list began, you've eaten a quart of tartar sauce
2. You're too fat to read Artie Lange's "Too Fat to Fish"
1. Get in bed at 11 p.m., but your ass doesn't get there till midnight
David Letterman
Hot and humid today. So hot, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer spent an extra 10 dollars on an oscillating hooker.
The garbage men in New York City will be allowed to wear shorts this summer. All part of Mayor Bloomberg's plan to beautify the city.
I know what you're thinking: New York City has garbage men?
Fourth of July this week. The big concern is illegal fireworks. But enough about North Korea.
Craig Ferguson
Dick Cheney is writing his memoir. It's going to be called, "To Kill a Mockingbird While Aiming at Your Lawyer."
It will be published by Satan and Schuster.
Well, Schuster's not really involved.
Environmentalists say that living naked for a few hours a day will help save the earth. Somebody please keep this information away from Al Gore.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Thousands of people have come to pay their respect to Michael Jackson. The line to see his star on Hollywood Boulevard stretches around the block. It's longer than the iPhone line.
Michael Jackson news has pretty much wiped out all other news — Iran, Iraq, North Korea, the economy . . . not even Jon and Kate get mentioned anymore, and that's important stuff.
With all the Michael Jackson news, we almost forgot that today is Bring Your Dog to Work Day. Which, for blind people, is every day.
Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford met with his wife, Jenny, for the first time since admitting his affair. It did not go very well. The first thing he asked was, "Did I get any e-mail while I was away?"
The next thing he said was, "I got you a shot glass from the airport."
"Transformers II" has made more than $145 million worldwide. It's on track to be the biggest box office opening of all time. It's incredible — somebody has finally found a way to make money using American cars.
To promote the use of clean energy, a Swiss adventurist is going to fly around the world in a solar-powered airplane. He's just praying that nothing bad will happen . . . like night.
Conan O'Brien
It’s been reported that Gov. Sanford’s mistress was a reporter for an Argentinean news channel. This makes Sanford just the latest Republican to claim he got screwed by the media.
Earlier today Sanford apologized to his Cabinet for having the affair with an Argentinean woman. In response, his Cabinet members said, “An apology is not good enough — we want photos.”
In Iran, opposition groups have announced that, from now on, they’re going to hold their protest rallies online. The protesters say they’re going to overthrow the Iranian regime, and then they’re going after that YouTube cat that plays the piano.
The new Transformers movie is a huge hit. Sources say that 65 General Motors cars were provided for the movie “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” General Motors said they will be providing even more of their cars for next one, “Transforms III: Revenge of the Lemons.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Too Fat
10. When people first meet you they say, "Lemme guess — opera singer?"
9. You live on 23rd, 24th, and 25th streets
8. Barack Obama has requested $3 billion to bail you out of your bed
7. When doctor says you're pregnant with octuplets, you have to remind him you're a man
6. Often get free waffles at Denny's by claiming to be Rush Limbaugh
5. When you get on a scale, it says, "One at a time!"
4. On your visit to Russia, cholesterol checks you
3. Since this list began, you've eaten a quart of tartar sauce
2. You're too fat to read Artie Lange's "Too Fat to Fish"
1. Get in bed at 11 p.m., but your ass doesn't get there till midnight
David Letterman
Hot and humid today. So hot, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer spent an extra 10 dollars on an oscillating hooker.
The garbage men in New York City will be allowed to wear shorts this summer. All part of Mayor Bloomberg's plan to beautify the city.
I know what you're thinking: New York City has garbage men?
Fourth of July this week. The big concern is illegal fireworks. But enough about North Korea.
Craig Ferguson
Dick Cheney is writing his memoir. It's going to be called, "To Kill a Mockingbird While Aiming at Your Lawyer."
It will be published by Satan and Schuster.
Well, Schuster's not really involved.
Environmentalists say that living naked for a few hours a day will help save the earth. Somebody please keep this information away from Al Gore.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Thousands of people have come to pay their respect to Michael Jackson. The line to see his star on Hollywood Boulevard stretches around the block. It's longer than the iPhone line.
Michael Jackson news has pretty much wiped out all other news — Iran, Iraq, North Korea, the economy . . . not even Jon and Kate get mentioned anymore, and that's important stuff.
With all the Michael Jackson news, we almost forgot that today is Bring Your Dog to Work Day. Which, for blind people, is every day.
Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford met with his wife, Jenny, for the first time since admitting his affair. It did not go very well. The first thing he asked was, "Did I get any e-mail while I was away?"
The next thing he said was, "I got you a shot glass from the airport."
"Transformers II" has made more than $145 million worldwide. It's on track to be the biggest box office opening of all time. It's incredible — somebody has finally found a way to make money using American cars.
To promote the use of clean energy, a Swiss adventurist is going to fly around the world in a solar-powered airplane. He's just praying that nothing bad will happen . . . like night.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Liberals Waters, Obey Fight on House Floor
Two liberal Democrats launched into a verbal argument that turned physical on the floor of the House Thursday night during a debate over an appropriations earmark one was seeking, according to Roll Call.
Rep. Maxine Waters, D-Calif., and Appropriations Chairman David Obey, D-Wis., split apart from a heated conversation and began yelling at one another.
“You’re out of line,” Waters shot while walking down toward the well.
“You’re out of line,” Obey shot back before turning and walking away.
But then Obey stopped, turned back toward Waters, and shouted: “I’m not going to approve that earmark!”
The dispute apparently centered on a longtime feud over an earmark for a public school employment training center in Los Angeles that was named after Waters when she was a state representative.
Obey rejected that earmark as violating policies against so-called “monuments to me.” Waters revised her request to go to the school district’s whole adult employment training program, so the district could decide whether the money would go to the school named after Waters.
The floor had largely cleared at the time of the argument. The earmark voting had largely wrapped up, Roll Call reported.
Obey turned away, but Waters went to go huddle with members of the Congressional Black Caucus. She could be over heard telling them: “He touched me first.”
Waters was escorted by her colleagues into the cloakroom, Roll Call reported.
House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer, D-Md, then got involved, counseling Obey. Obey had been speaking with Hoyer and leadership staff for most of the vote series prior to his encounter with Waters.
Obey then exited the chamber.
But then Waters returned briefly, loudly telling her colleagues: “He touched me.”
The dispute apparently centered on a longtime feud over an earmark for a public school employment training center in Los Angeles that was named after Waters when she was a state representative.
Obey rejected that earmark as violating policies against so-called “monuments to me.” Waters revised her request to go to the school district’s whole adult employment training program, so the district could decide whether the money would go to the school named after Waters.
Two liberal Democrats launched into a verbal argument that turned physical on the floor of the House Thursday night during a debate over an appropriations earmark one was seeking, according to Roll Call.
Rep. Maxine Waters, D-Calif., and Appropriations Chairman David Obey, D-Wis., split apart from a heated conversation and began yelling at one another.
“You’re out of line,” Waters shot while walking down toward the well.
“You’re out of line,” Obey shot back before turning and walking away.
But then Obey stopped, turned back toward Waters, and shouted: “I’m not going to approve that earmark!”
The dispute apparently centered on a longtime feud over an earmark for a public school employment training center in Los Angeles that was named after Waters when she was a state representative.
Obey rejected that earmark as violating policies against so-called “monuments to me.” Waters revised her request to go to the school district’s whole adult employment training program, so the district could decide whether the money would go to the school named after Waters.
The floor had largely cleared at the time of the argument. The earmark voting had largely wrapped up, Roll Call reported.
Obey turned away, but Waters went to go huddle with members of the Congressional Black Caucus. She could be over heard telling them: “He touched me first.”
Waters was escorted by her colleagues into the cloakroom, Roll Call reported.
House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer, D-Md, then got involved, counseling Obey. Obey had been speaking with Hoyer and leadership staff for most of the vote series prior to his encounter with Waters.
Obey then exited the chamber.
But then Waters returned briefly, loudly telling her colleagues: “He touched me.”
The dispute apparently centered on a longtime feud over an earmark for a public school employment training center in Los Angeles that was named after Waters when she was a state representative.
Obey rejected that earmark as violating policies against so-called “monuments to me.” Waters revised her request to go to the school district’s whole adult employment training program, so the district could decide whether the money would go to the school named after Waters.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Two Columbia University students who study statistics, say the Iranian election was rigged because they found that there were too many 7s and not enough 5s in the vote totals. Then they admitted that they have too many free evenings and not enough girlfriends.
USA Today says that Chrysler is trying to make its cars more appealing by painting them in bright colors like orange and lime green. They’re also trying to make them more appealing by painting the name Toyota on them.
Toyota has begun production on a Prius Hearse — which will be better for the environment than traditional gas-powered hearses. Experts say it’s the perfect way to tell everyone in your funeral procession, I’m judging you from beyond the grave.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Governor Mark Sanford Excuses
10. Did I say hiking? I meant cheating
9. Had to do something after devastating news about Jon and Kate
8. I learned everything I know from Gov. Spitzer
7. Let's talk about more important issues like the Nestle Toll House cookie recall
6. I learned everything I know from Gov. McGreevey
5. It's Ahmadinejad's fault
4. If you met my wife you'd be fleeing the country too
3. Putting together my audition tape for "The Amazing Race"
2. If you run a state and decide to leave the country for a week, since when do you have to tell someone?
1. It wasn't me, it was my hilarious alter ego, Bruno
David Letterman
Bernie Madoff, swindler, is asking a judge for a reduced sentence. Everybody remembers him — up until a couple of weeks ago, he was the most hated man in America. Then I had my trouble with the governor of Alaska.
He's asking for 12 years. In addition, he's not allowed to trade in securities. And I'm thinking, "Well . . . they nipped that in the bud.
South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared for a few days and said he was out hiking. Then he said he was in South America. Today he says he was in Las Vegas and woke up hung over with a tiger and a baby.
It turns out he was in Argentina with another woman. Keep in mind he's a married guy with a family. Here's what I want to know: Why can't he be like our former governor and use a local escort service?
Craig Ferguson
Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina, mysteriously disappeared last week. Then on Sunday, a spokesman said he was "hiking the Appalachian Trail." I think that's a euphemism. "What's that lipstick on your face?" "I was 'hiking the Appalachian Trail.'"
He was busted getting off a flight from Argentina. You know where all this is headed . . . the press conference when you have to tell the whole world . . . He admitted to the affair in Argentina. Great — now we're outsourcing mistresses.
There's been a whole bunch of scandals involving governors. You know things are bad when the most normal governor of the last decade has been Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, disappeared without telling his staff or his wife where he went. Then he said he was hiking. Today, he showed up and held a press conference to announce that he went to Argentina to visit his mistress. This is the guy who some people thought might be a candidate for president. He won't, by the way.
In international news, if you're planning a trip to North Korea, don't go. The North Koreans are accusing us of trying to start another war, and they're saying that they will wipe us out if we do. They're probably kidding, though. They have a very good sense of humor about this stuff.
The Pittsburgh Penguins just won the Stanley Cup. Who better to congratulate them than New Age keyboard sensation Yanni. Nothing says hockey like Yanni in a light blue jersey.
Jimmy Fallon
Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina, was missing for five days. He finally showed up and claimed he was just hiking in the Appalachian Mountains. Then today, he revealed he was not hiking in the mountains, he was in Argentina where he was having an extramarital affair. It all seems so strange until you realize who his mistress is: Carmen Sandiego.
On July 14, President Obama will throw out the first pitch at the All-Star Game in St. Louis. Joe Biden will be on hand to commit the first error.
As a way to attract movie viewers, the Oscars now will nominate 10 movies for Best Picture, instead of five. That's just what the Oscars are missing — more losers.
Conan O'Brien
Two Columbia University students who study statistics, say the Iranian election was rigged because they found that there were too many 7s and not enough 5s in the vote totals. Then they admitted that they have too many free evenings and not enough girlfriends.
USA Today says that Chrysler is trying to make its cars more appealing by painting them in bright colors like orange and lime green. They’re also trying to make them more appealing by painting the name Toyota on them.
Toyota has begun production on a Prius Hearse — which will be better for the environment than traditional gas-powered hearses. Experts say it’s the perfect way to tell everyone in your funeral procession, I’m judging you from beyond the grave.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Governor Mark Sanford Excuses
10. Did I say hiking? I meant cheating
9. Had to do something after devastating news about Jon and Kate
8. I learned everything I know from Gov. Spitzer
7. Let's talk about more important issues like the Nestle Toll House cookie recall
6. I learned everything I know from Gov. McGreevey
5. It's Ahmadinejad's fault
4. If you met my wife you'd be fleeing the country too
3. Putting together my audition tape for "The Amazing Race"
2. If you run a state and decide to leave the country for a week, since when do you have to tell someone?
1. It wasn't me, it was my hilarious alter ego, Bruno
David Letterman
Bernie Madoff, swindler, is asking a judge for a reduced sentence. Everybody remembers him — up until a couple of weeks ago, he was the most hated man in America. Then I had my trouble with the governor of Alaska.
He's asking for 12 years. In addition, he's not allowed to trade in securities. And I'm thinking, "Well . . . they nipped that in the bud.
South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared for a few days and said he was out hiking. Then he said he was in South America. Today he says he was in Las Vegas and woke up hung over with a tiger and a baby.
It turns out he was in Argentina with another woman. Keep in mind he's a married guy with a family. Here's what I want to know: Why can't he be like our former governor and use a local escort service?
Craig Ferguson
Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina, mysteriously disappeared last week. Then on Sunday, a spokesman said he was "hiking the Appalachian Trail." I think that's a euphemism. "What's that lipstick on your face?" "I was 'hiking the Appalachian Trail.'"
He was busted getting off a flight from Argentina. You know where all this is headed . . . the press conference when you have to tell the whole world . . . He admitted to the affair in Argentina. Great — now we're outsourcing mistresses.
There's been a whole bunch of scandals involving governors. You know things are bad when the most normal governor of the last decade has been Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, disappeared without telling his staff or his wife where he went. Then he said he was hiking. Today, he showed up and held a press conference to announce that he went to Argentina to visit his mistress. This is the guy who some people thought might be a candidate for president. He won't, by the way.
In international news, if you're planning a trip to North Korea, don't go. The North Koreans are accusing us of trying to start another war, and they're saying that they will wipe us out if we do. They're probably kidding, though. They have a very good sense of humor about this stuff.
The Pittsburgh Penguins just won the Stanley Cup. Who better to congratulate them than New Age keyboard sensation Yanni. Nothing says hockey like Yanni in a light blue jersey.
Jimmy Fallon
Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina, was missing for five days. He finally showed up and claimed he was just hiking in the Appalachian Mountains. Then today, he revealed he was not hiking in the mountains, he was in Argentina where he was having an extramarital affair. It all seems so strange until you realize who his mistress is: Carmen Sandiego.
On July 14, President Obama will throw out the first pitch at the All-Star Game in St. Louis. Joe Biden will be on hand to commit the first error.
As a way to attract movie viewers, the Oscars now will nominate 10 movies for Best Picture, instead of five. That's just what the Oscars are missing — more losers.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Elizabeth Hasselbeck of "The View" is denying claims that she plagiarized her recent book. Hasselbeck said she plans to refute these charges in her upcoming memoir, “The Autobiography of Malcolm X.”
The Navy has dispatched a destroyer named The USS John McCain to deal with a North Korean ship that may have illegal weapons. Actually, the Navy didn’t dispatch The John McCain, it just kind of wandered off on its own.
Yesterday, the mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, announced that he is not going to run for governor of California. Villaraigosa realized he had no chance of becoming governor of California because he was born in this country, and you can understand every word he says.
In China, a husband recently discovered that his wife was a man after he’d been married to her for three years. Friends are describing the husband as “not a real details guy.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Lucas Glover Would Like To Say After Winning The U.S. Open
10. I'd like to thank Tiger Woods for letting someone else win
9. I started playing golf in March
8. I forgot my wedge yesterday, so I used a rake
7. Honestly, I'm just glad to be out of the rain
6. I had Phil Mickelson in the office pool
5. Ladies, my last name isn't "Glover" — it's "G. Lover"
4. I drive for show, I putt for dough
3. Does anybody have a phone number for that Jon & Kate lady?
2. If there's anything more exciting than watching golf, it's 10 lame jokes read by a guy who plays golf
1. Even I have never heard of me
David Letterman
It's Gay Pride Week in New York City. One of the many events is the silent auction. The winner gets Liza Minnelli.
Bernie Madoff has been barred from working in the securities industry. And I'm thinking, "Great — how's the guy supposed to make a living when he gets out of jail in 150 years?"
He was looking for a shorter sentence — 12 years. If anybody deserves a break, it's this guy.
Wow — 150 years. When he gets out, Republicans could be back in.
Craig Ferguson
MySpace has fired 60 percent of its workforce. They notified workers as fast as possible. They left messages on their Facebook pages.
Tonight's the premier of "America's Got Talent." It's based on an English show called, "Britain's Got Talent." Which they do, in some areas. In others, not so much. Like dentistry — there's very little talent.
The winner of "America's Got Talent" gets a million bucks. Which sounds great until you find out it's paid over 40 years. So that's $25,000 a year . . . which is considered poverty level. But it's poverty for 40 years, guaranteed!
Jimmy Fallon
An earthquake struck Alaska yesterday that measured 5.4. But as Sarah Palin said, it felt like 6 point "oh my gosh."
Manny Ramirez, after being suspended for 50 games for using a banned drug, will play baseball for the Albuquerque Isotopes. He says he doesn't know what isotopes are but he's pretty sure he's injected them at some point.
Dogs in Britain are being trained to sniff out diabetes when their owners' blood sugar drops. They're great at it, but only when diabetes is in your crotch.
Conan O'Brien
Elizabeth Hasselbeck of "The View" is denying claims that she plagiarized her recent book. Hasselbeck said she plans to refute these charges in her upcoming memoir, “The Autobiography of Malcolm X.”
The Navy has dispatched a destroyer named The USS John McCain to deal with a North Korean ship that may have illegal weapons. Actually, the Navy didn’t dispatch The John McCain, it just kind of wandered off on its own.
Yesterday, the mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, announced that he is not going to run for governor of California. Villaraigosa realized he had no chance of becoming governor of California because he was born in this country, and you can understand every word he says.
In China, a husband recently discovered that his wife was a man after he’d been married to her for three years. Friends are describing the husband as “not a real details guy.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Lucas Glover Would Like To Say After Winning The U.S. Open
10. I'd like to thank Tiger Woods for letting someone else win
9. I started playing golf in March
8. I forgot my wedge yesterday, so I used a rake
7. Honestly, I'm just glad to be out of the rain
6. I had Phil Mickelson in the office pool
5. Ladies, my last name isn't "Glover" — it's "G. Lover"
4. I drive for show, I putt for dough
3. Does anybody have a phone number for that Jon & Kate lady?
2. If there's anything more exciting than watching golf, it's 10 lame jokes read by a guy who plays golf
1. Even I have never heard of me
David Letterman
It's Gay Pride Week in New York City. One of the many events is the silent auction. The winner gets Liza Minnelli.
Bernie Madoff has been barred from working in the securities industry. And I'm thinking, "Great — how's the guy supposed to make a living when he gets out of jail in 150 years?"
He was looking for a shorter sentence — 12 years. If anybody deserves a break, it's this guy.
Wow — 150 years. When he gets out, Republicans could be back in.
Craig Ferguson
MySpace has fired 60 percent of its workforce. They notified workers as fast as possible. They left messages on their Facebook pages.
Tonight's the premier of "America's Got Talent." It's based on an English show called, "Britain's Got Talent." Which they do, in some areas. In others, not so much. Like dentistry — there's very little talent.
The winner of "America's Got Talent" gets a million bucks. Which sounds great until you find out it's paid over 40 years. So that's $25,000 a year . . . which is considered poverty level. But it's poverty for 40 years, guaranteed!
Jimmy Fallon
An earthquake struck Alaska yesterday that measured 5.4. But as Sarah Palin said, it felt like 6 point "oh my gosh."
Manny Ramirez, after being suspended for 50 games for using a banned drug, will play baseball for the Albuquerque Isotopes. He says he doesn't know what isotopes are but he's pretty sure he's injected them at some point.
Dogs in Britain are being trained to sniff out diabetes when their owners' blood sugar drops. They're great at it, but only when diabetes is in your crotch.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Nice vote of confidence for President Obama — this weekend, John McCain of all people said that President Obama has “done well” during his first few months in office. In fact, McCain’s so proud of Obama he sent him a card with a $5 bill inside.
More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. To disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons, and the NBC prime time line-up.
Some experts are saying the Iranian election was rigged because in some towns President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad got more than 100 percent of the vote. And what’s even stranger, all of those extra votes were from elderly Jewish people in Palm Beach, Fla.
Good news for the auto industry — according to a new report, Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler have greatly reduced their number of customer complaints. The automakers did this by greatly reducing their number of customers.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Mayor Bloomberg Has Gone Nuts
10. Canceled an official event to be home for the big "Jon & Kate Plus 8" announcement
9. Often wears lipstick and demands to be called Veronica
8. Routinely sunbathing in the middle of the Van Wyck Expressway
7. Just gave Yankees a billion dollars to build another new stadium
6. Decided to run for Ayatollah
5. Been eating nothing but raw cookie dough
4. Renamed every street "148th Street"
3. Often seen lurking around the city at night in a black cape
2. Declared war on Trenton
1. Announced he's building a pedestrian plaza in his pants
David Letterman
Barack Obama's approval rating dropped to 56 percent. So don't kid yourself — Hillary could still win this thing.
Hillary broke her elbow recently. She hasn't fully recovered yet. In fact, she's still wearing her orthopedic pantsuit.
John McCain is being more outspoken about Obama's foreign policy, his Iranian strategy. Today, he got so loud and so angry, they asked him to leave Denny's.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the winner of the Iranian election. People are protesting in the streets of Tehran. It got to be so crazy that Iran's supreme leader spoke live on TV last night. It pre-empted Al Jazeera's most popular show — "How I Met Your Camel."
Craig Ferguson
The couple from Jon & Kate Plus 8 filed for divorce today. The show's going to go on, it's just going to be called "Jon & Kate Minus Half of Jon's Stuff."
The man who invented the vibrating bed has died at age 92. The vibrating bed industry is very shaken up over this.
The bed I have is the Sleep Number bed. I can sleep soundly even if there's a hippo and a glass of wine on the other side.
Jimmy Fallon
Hillary Clinton is expected to make a full recovery after surgery to repair her broken elbow. Doctors say she'll be able to point and crazy smile at people in no time.
Steve Jobs is doing fine after a liver transplant. Of course, every time you get a new liver they come out with a better one a month later . . .
Oprah is treating her entire staff and their families to a Mediterranean cruise. They're going to Spain, Greece, and Italy. This has inspired me — I want to let my staff know that tomorrow I am footing the bill for "Taco Tuesday
Conan O'Brien
Nice vote of confidence for President Obama — this weekend, John McCain of all people said that President Obama has “done well” during his first few months in office. In fact, McCain’s so proud of Obama he sent him a card with a $5 bill inside.
More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. To disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons, and the NBC prime time line-up.
Some experts are saying the Iranian election was rigged because in some towns President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad got more than 100 percent of the vote. And what’s even stranger, all of those extra votes were from elderly Jewish people in Palm Beach, Fla.
Good news for the auto industry — according to a new report, Ford, General Motors, and Chrysler have greatly reduced their number of customer complaints. The automakers did this by greatly reducing their number of customers.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Mayor Bloomberg Has Gone Nuts
10. Canceled an official event to be home for the big "Jon & Kate Plus 8" announcement
9. Often wears lipstick and demands to be called Veronica
8. Routinely sunbathing in the middle of the Van Wyck Expressway
7. Just gave Yankees a billion dollars to build another new stadium
6. Decided to run for Ayatollah
5. Been eating nothing but raw cookie dough
4. Renamed every street "148th Street"
3. Often seen lurking around the city at night in a black cape
2. Declared war on Trenton
1. Announced he's building a pedestrian plaza in his pants
David Letterman
Barack Obama's approval rating dropped to 56 percent. So don't kid yourself — Hillary could still win this thing.
Hillary broke her elbow recently. She hasn't fully recovered yet. In fact, she's still wearing her orthopedic pantsuit.
John McCain is being more outspoken about Obama's foreign policy, his Iranian strategy. Today, he got so loud and so angry, they asked him to leave Denny's.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the winner of the Iranian election. People are protesting in the streets of Tehran. It got to be so crazy that Iran's supreme leader spoke live on TV last night. It pre-empted Al Jazeera's most popular show — "How I Met Your Camel."
Craig Ferguson
The couple from Jon & Kate Plus 8 filed for divorce today. The show's going to go on, it's just going to be called "Jon & Kate Minus Half of Jon's Stuff."
The man who invented the vibrating bed has died at age 92. The vibrating bed industry is very shaken up over this.
The bed I have is the Sleep Number bed. I can sleep soundly even if there's a hippo and a glass of wine on the other side.
Jimmy Fallon
Hillary Clinton is expected to make a full recovery after surgery to repair her broken elbow. Doctors say she'll be able to point and crazy smile at people in no time.
Steve Jobs is doing fine after a liver transplant. Of course, every time you get a new liver they come out with a better one a month later . . .
Oprah is treating her entire staff and their families to a Mediterranean cruise. They're going to Spain, Greece, and Italy. This has inspired me — I want to let my staff know that tomorrow I am footing the bill for "Taco Tuesday
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
The Iranian government is trying very hard to legitimize their election — today, Iran’s supreme leader declared last week’s presidential election an “absolute victory.” And then he went on to congratulate the Clippers on winning the NBA Championship.
Speaking of basketball, today, President Barack Obama spoke on the phone with Lakers coach Phil Jackson, and with Dan Bylsma, coach of the Stanley Cup-winning Pittsburgh Penguins. In a related story, Joe Biden had a conference call with Tito Jackson and an actual penguin.
Earlier today in Los Angeles, armed robbers held up a medical marijuana clinic. Police can't identify the robbers because all the eyewitnesses say they have glaucoma.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton broke her elbow so yesterday she worked from home. Which explains why Bill Clinton spent the day in the backyard forming the words “Help Me” with garden gnomes.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Kids On Father's Day
10. "And you are?"
9. "Father? We always kind of assumed you were our mother"
8. "I'm supposed to give you a gift to thank you for ruining my life?!"
7. "Hey Dad, on your special day, how 'bout updating your will?"
6. "It's not just a nose hair trimmer, it's a nose and ear hair trimmer"
5. "All eight of us got you a subscription to US Weekly, so you can read about how you're cheating on Mom"
4. "It's a restaurant, Dad; they require a shirt"
3. "I know you don't play golf, but golfballs were easiest to shoplift"
2. "It's nice to go through the motions like this every year"
1. "Here's a couple bucks. Get yourself a McDLT"
David Letterman
Sunday is the summer solstice. It's the longest day of the year, if you don't count Thanksgiving with your family.
It's Gay Pride Week in New York City. This is the week Liza Minnelli goes out husband-hunting.
I love Gay Pride Week. Where else can you see 300 guys dressed up like Sarah Palin?
Sunday is also father's Day. I got a weird call from my mom. She said, "David. Don't forget to send a Father's Day card to Larry King."
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Mexican navy this week siezed almost 2,000 pounds of cocaine hidden inside the bodies of frozen sharks. Who knew Mexico had a navy?
It's already being made into a movie: "Sharkface."
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in a cast. She fell and fractured her elbow. Fortunately, her scowl borke her fall.
Everyone is concerned about her. To wish her well, they flew a pantsuit at half-mast at the White House.
Jimmy Fallon
Today Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said there was no fraud in the election and the results will stand. I don't know. I wouldn't mind a second opinion from the other Supreme Leaders: Burrito Supreme, Taco Supreme, and of course Diana Ross."
GM just announced that they will stop manufacturing the Pontiac Vibe in August. The reason? Bad Vibes. The CEO said today, “We’re no longer making the Pontiac Vibe. Also, I had no idea there was something called the Pontiac Vibe."
A British fashion student designed a dress that lights up when your cell phone rings. Too bad there wasn’t an easier way to know when your phone is ringing . . . like when it rings.
Happy Birthday to Paula Abdul. She’s 47 years old, and she plans to spend the day with her closest friends: Vicodin and Chardonnay
Conan O'Brien
The Iranian government is trying very hard to legitimize their election — today, Iran’s supreme leader declared last week’s presidential election an “absolute victory.” And then he went on to congratulate the Clippers on winning the NBA Championship.
Speaking of basketball, today, President Barack Obama spoke on the phone with Lakers coach Phil Jackson, and with Dan Bylsma, coach of the Stanley Cup-winning Pittsburgh Penguins. In a related story, Joe Biden had a conference call with Tito Jackson and an actual penguin.
Earlier today in Los Angeles, armed robbers held up a medical marijuana clinic. Police can't identify the robbers because all the eyewitnesses say they have glaucoma.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton broke her elbow so yesterday she worked from home. Which explains why Bill Clinton spent the day in the backyard forming the words “Help Me” with garden gnomes.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Kids On Father's Day
10. "And you are?"
9. "Father? We always kind of assumed you were our mother"
8. "I'm supposed to give you a gift to thank you for ruining my life?!"
7. "Hey Dad, on your special day, how 'bout updating your will?"
6. "It's not just a nose hair trimmer, it's a nose and ear hair trimmer"
5. "All eight of us got you a subscription to US Weekly, so you can read about how you're cheating on Mom"
4. "It's a restaurant, Dad; they require a shirt"
3. "I know you don't play golf, but golfballs were easiest to shoplift"
2. "It's nice to go through the motions like this every year"
1. "Here's a couple bucks. Get yourself a McDLT"
David Letterman
Sunday is the summer solstice. It's the longest day of the year, if you don't count Thanksgiving with your family.
It's Gay Pride Week in New York City. This is the week Liza Minnelli goes out husband-hunting.
I love Gay Pride Week. Where else can you see 300 guys dressed up like Sarah Palin?
Sunday is also father's Day. I got a weird call from my mom. She said, "David. Don't forget to send a Father's Day card to Larry King."
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Mexican navy this week siezed almost 2,000 pounds of cocaine hidden inside the bodies of frozen sharks. Who knew Mexico had a navy?
It's already being made into a movie: "Sharkface."
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in a cast. She fell and fractured her elbow. Fortunately, her scowl borke her fall.
Everyone is concerned about her. To wish her well, they flew a pantsuit at half-mast at the White House.
Jimmy Fallon
Today Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, said there was no fraud in the election and the results will stand. I don't know. I wouldn't mind a second opinion from the other Supreme Leaders: Burrito Supreme, Taco Supreme, and of course Diana Ross."
GM just announced that they will stop manufacturing the Pontiac Vibe in August. The reason? Bad Vibes. The CEO said today, “We’re no longer making the Pontiac Vibe. Also, I had no idea there was something called the Pontiac Vibe."
A British fashion student designed a dress that lights up when your cell phone rings. Too bad there wasn’t an easier way to know when your phone is ringing . . . like when it rings.
Happy Birthday to Paula Abdul. She’s 47 years old, and she plans to spend the day with her closest friends: Vicodin and Chardonnay
Friday, June 19, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
A lot of people worried about the situation in Iran. Actor Ashton Kutcher is urging the U.S. government not to intervene in the crisis because he fears that Iran will end up just like Iraq. President Obama thanked Kutcher for his advice and said he’d get back to him after running it by the Jonas Brothers.
The animal rights group PETA is criticizing President Obama after seeing footage of Obama killing a fly. Meanwhile, today, a fly buzzing around Joe Biden took its own life.
Earlier today it was announced that Billy Joel is separating from his wife Katie who is 33 years younger than he is. Katie said, “I feel bad, but all my friends are graduating and we want to backpack across Europe.”
Paris Hilton is going to be filming the next season of her reality show in the Middle Eastern nation of Dubai. Producers will also be re-titling the show, “This is Why They Hate Us.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Caddy Is Nuts
10. Replaces your 7-iron with a garden weasel
9. Spends afternoon sipping mojitos in the sandtrap
8. He's the only caddy on skates
7. Congratulatory high-five replaced with open mouth kiss
6. Likes to pick up divots, put them on his head and say, "Welcome to Celebrity Apprentice"
5. Pimped golf cart to hop up and down
4. Says he needs weekends off
3. Using bag to stow beers for John Daly
2. Keeps inviting you to a "foursome," but he's not talking about golf
1. Carries your clubs in his pants
David Letterman
My family is taking me out for brunch on Father's Day. I'm looking forward to the picketing.
My son has made me a Father's Day gift. It's so cute. It's a giant box . . . an inbox for all my hate mail.
They're having trouble in Iran. Hundreds of thousands of people are lining the streets to protest the election results. And the government is going crazy. They're saying, "No, no, no. It's not a protest. Those are folks just lining up to get their new iPhones."
This guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is claiming victory. He is very unpopular. And the danger is this: He could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb.
Craig Ferguson
Hillary Clinton fell down yesterday and broke her elbow. This is the worst break for a secretary of state since Madeleine Albright broke my heart. Call me, Mad Dog.
You know Fox News is going to be all over this: "This proves the Democrats are weak — Reagan fell over 10 times and didn't even break his hair."
The official report says that Hillary fell while walking to her car. But she's telling people that she broke it dodging sniper fire.
You know who I'm blaming for her fall, the under secretary of state, William Burns. That's right, Mr. Burns, I'm calling you out — you should have been under secretary of state as she fell.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
We survived the Lakers victory parade — more than 150,000 people jammed the streets of downtown L.A. to welcome the NBA champions. And why not? No one has a job anymore anyway.
Many of the people were actually living on the street.
The president is getting a lot of criticism from PETA . . . the Psychotic Ethical Treatment of Animals. They're taking exception to the president killing a fly. For real. I guess the fly was a gift from the president of Ethiopia. They're saying he should have captured the fly and taken it outside.
They have relocated the fly's family to the rose garden where they are now living on a fresh pile of Obama's dog droppings
Conan O'Brien
A lot of people worried about the situation in Iran. Actor Ashton Kutcher is urging the U.S. government not to intervene in the crisis because he fears that Iran will end up just like Iraq. President Obama thanked Kutcher for his advice and said he’d get back to him after running it by the Jonas Brothers.
The animal rights group PETA is criticizing President Obama after seeing footage of Obama killing a fly. Meanwhile, today, a fly buzzing around Joe Biden took its own life.
Earlier today it was announced that Billy Joel is separating from his wife Katie who is 33 years younger than he is. Katie said, “I feel bad, but all my friends are graduating and we want to backpack across Europe.”
Paris Hilton is going to be filming the next season of her reality show in the Middle Eastern nation of Dubai. Producers will also be re-titling the show, “This is Why They Hate Us.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Caddy Is Nuts
10. Replaces your 7-iron with a garden weasel
9. Spends afternoon sipping mojitos in the sandtrap
8. He's the only caddy on skates
7. Congratulatory high-five replaced with open mouth kiss
6. Likes to pick up divots, put them on his head and say, "Welcome to Celebrity Apprentice"
5. Pimped golf cart to hop up and down
4. Says he needs weekends off
3. Using bag to stow beers for John Daly
2. Keeps inviting you to a "foursome," but he's not talking about golf
1. Carries your clubs in his pants
David Letterman
My family is taking me out for brunch on Father's Day. I'm looking forward to the picketing.
My son has made me a Father's Day gift. It's so cute. It's a giant box . . . an inbox for all my hate mail.
They're having trouble in Iran. Hundreds of thousands of people are lining the streets to protest the election results. And the government is going crazy. They're saying, "No, no, no. It's not a protest. Those are folks just lining up to get their new iPhones."
This guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is claiming victory. He is very unpopular. And the danger is this: He could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb.
Craig Ferguson
Hillary Clinton fell down yesterday and broke her elbow. This is the worst break for a secretary of state since Madeleine Albright broke my heart. Call me, Mad Dog.
You know Fox News is going to be all over this: "This proves the Democrats are weak — Reagan fell over 10 times and didn't even break his hair."
The official report says that Hillary fell while walking to her car. But she's telling people that she broke it dodging sniper fire.
You know who I'm blaming for her fall, the under secretary of state, William Burns. That's right, Mr. Burns, I'm calling you out — you should have been under secretary of state as she fell.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
We survived the Lakers victory parade — more than 150,000 people jammed the streets of downtown L.A. to welcome the NBA champions. And why not? No one has a job anymore anyway.
Many of the people were actually living on the street.
The president is getting a lot of criticism from PETA . . . the Psychotic Ethical Treatment of Animals. They're taking exception to the president killing a fly. For real. I guess the fly was a gift from the president of Ethiopia. They're saying he should have captured the fly and taken it outside.
They have relocated the fly's family to the rose garden where they are now living on a fresh pile of Obama's dog droppings
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Today was the Lakers victory parade, and thousands of people crowded downtown Los Angeles, which clogged streets and held up traffic all over the city. Officials say it was the worst traffic jam in Los Angeles since yesterday.
People are suspecting Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's re-election may have been a sham because he’s claiming he won by a 2-to-1 margin. They’re also suspicious of Ahmadinejad’s claim that he’s dating Megan Fox.
More fallout from the bad economy: It's affecting the number of available jobs, so many new college graduates are choosing to spend a year volunteering at a nonprofit organization. These nonprofit organizations include Chrysler and GM.
President Obama’s new healthcare bill proposal is so expensive, Democrats are looking for ways to trim it back. One plan is so drastic it will only offer coverage for Jon and Kate plus three.
David Letterman
It's been 15 years since O.J. Simpson had his low-speed chase and was arrested for murder. I'm happy that guy has straightened out and settled down.
Today, O.J. celebrated quietly in jail with his new wife, Chuck.
Yesterday was the "Fire Dave" rally . . . a gathering of people who hate me. At my house, we call that Thanksgiving.
In Iran, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his opponent Mir Hossein Mousavi had one of those crazy bets over who would win in the election. If Ahmadinejad won, he would get a crate of figs. If Mousavi won, he would be brutally slain.
Craig Ferguson
It's "National Eat Your Vegetables Day." It's the day America puts aside foods they like and eat vegetables.
Last night on TV president Obama killed a fly during an interview. It was kind of impressive. Of course, PETA is very upset.
Sen. John Ensign of Nevada had to resign as chairman of the Republican Policy Committee because he admitted to having an affair. It was an unusual affair for a senator — it was with a woman.
It's nice to see senators branching out — now that's change I can believe in.
Jimmy Fallon
The New York Times just reported that Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003. First Barry Bonds, then Alex Rodriguez, now Sosa. I think we know one thing for sure — steroids work great.
The FDA has reported that the nasal spray Zicam can reduce your sense of smell. Ever since the announcement, it's been flying off the shelves in New Jersey.
Shia LaBeouf announced that "Indiana Jones V" is in preproduction. So I guess they are counting that last one.
A woman in Ohio held up three separate banks on Monday. But only because they kept going out of business in the middle of the robbery. Even worse — they weren't her branch so they kept charging her $1.75 to rob them.
Conan O'Brien
Today was the Lakers victory parade, and thousands of people crowded downtown Los Angeles, which clogged streets and held up traffic all over the city. Officials say it was the worst traffic jam in Los Angeles since yesterday.
People are suspecting Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's re-election may have been a sham because he’s claiming he won by a 2-to-1 margin. They’re also suspicious of Ahmadinejad’s claim that he’s dating Megan Fox.
More fallout from the bad economy: It's affecting the number of available jobs, so many new college graduates are choosing to spend a year volunteering at a nonprofit organization. These nonprofit organizations include Chrysler and GM.
President Obama’s new healthcare bill proposal is so expensive, Democrats are looking for ways to trim it back. One plan is so drastic it will only offer coverage for Jon and Kate plus three.
David Letterman
It's been 15 years since O.J. Simpson had his low-speed chase and was arrested for murder. I'm happy that guy has straightened out and settled down.
Today, O.J. celebrated quietly in jail with his new wife, Chuck.
Yesterday was the "Fire Dave" rally . . . a gathering of people who hate me. At my house, we call that Thanksgiving.
In Iran, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his opponent Mir Hossein Mousavi had one of those crazy bets over who would win in the election. If Ahmadinejad won, he would get a crate of figs. If Mousavi won, he would be brutally slain.
Craig Ferguson
It's "National Eat Your Vegetables Day." It's the day America puts aside foods they like and eat vegetables.
Last night on TV president Obama killed a fly during an interview. It was kind of impressive. Of course, PETA is very upset.
Sen. John Ensign of Nevada had to resign as chairman of the Republican Policy Committee because he admitted to having an affair. It was an unusual affair for a senator — it was with a woman.
It's nice to see senators branching out — now that's change I can believe in.
Jimmy Fallon
The New York Times just reported that Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003. First Barry Bonds, then Alex Rodriguez, now Sosa. I think we know one thing for sure — steroids work great.
The FDA has reported that the nasal spray Zicam can reduce your sense of smell. Ever since the announcement, it's been flying off the shelves in New Jersey.
Shia LaBeouf announced that "Indiana Jones V" is in preproduction. So I guess they are counting that last one.
A woman in Ohio held up three separate banks on Monday. But only because they kept going out of business in the middle of the robbery. Even worse — they weren't her branch so they kept charging her $1.75 to rob them.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Attorney General Holder Soft on Terror
WASHINGTON -- The senior Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee says Attorney General Eric Holder is too soft on terrorism.
At an oversight hearing Wednesday on the Justice Department, Sen. Jeff Sessions criticized Holder for the release of Bush administration memos that authorized harsh interrogation techniques. The Alabama senator said the memos gave important information to America's enemies.
Holder told the Senate committee that protecting Americans from terrorists is his top priority.
WASHINGTON -- The senior Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee says Attorney General Eric Holder is too soft on terrorism.
At an oversight hearing Wednesday on the Justice Department, Sen. Jeff Sessions criticized Holder for the release of Bush administration memos that authorized harsh interrogation techniques. The Alabama senator said the memos gave important information to America's enemies.
Holder told the Senate committee that protecting Americans from terrorists is his top priority.
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Sen. John McCain announced today that he bought a hybrid car. Apparently McCain thinks a hybrid car is one that has an AM and FM radio.
In Iran, people protesting the election results have been avoiding the government media crackdown by posting messages on Twitter. The tweets declare that Ahmadinejad stole the election and that Jabir is enjoying a lamb kebab.
General Motors has sold the car company Saab to a European company that only produces about a dozen cars a year. General Motors said, “It’s a perfect fit ‘cause we only sell a dozen cars a year.”
It has been reported that publishers are turning Wikipedia into a 5,000 page book. However, I don’t think it’s true, because I read about it on Wikipedia.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard At The 'Fire David Letterman' Rally
10. "David who?"
9. "Well, it was nice of CBS to provide the catering"
8. "We should have done this years ago"
7. "What idiot turned Broadway into a pedestrian mall?"
6. "Isn't there always a crowd demanding Letterman be fired?"
5. "March around the potholes, people"
4. "Can we also get CBS to bring back 'Gunsmoke'?"
3. "When does Cheney get here with the waterboarding gear?"
2. "He should apologize for that hairpiece"
1. "Thanks for coming, Regis"
David Letterman
Sarah Palin has accepted my apology. She also accepted a $500 gift certificate from LensCrafters. I thought that was a nice touch.
I was really nervous about apologizing to Sarah Palin. So to get my confidence up, I rehearsed by apologizing to Tina Fey.
New York City is at war with Canadian geese ever since the whole US Airways landing in the Hudson. Mayor Bloomberg is serious about this. He's so serious, he's bringing in Dick Cheney.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won the Iranian presidential election. People are angry and demanding a recount. As a matter of fact, the last unofficial count actually had Al Franken ahead.
Craig Ferguson
Things are going crazy over in Iran. They're calling for a recount . . . not of the election — "American Idol." They're very upset.
Drivers in New York were cited as the most aggressive and angry in the country. I dispute these results. New York — Los Angeles will raise you with one Mel Gibson.
Today is Cirque du Soleil's 25th anniversary. They're one of Canada's biggest exports, alongside Canadian bacon . . . which is really ham . . . and William Shatner . . . which is really ham . . .
Cirque du Soleil is like a circus, but instead of animals, they have the strangest creatures of all — the French Canadians.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
There was some vandalism after the Lakers won the NBA championship. I like to think I contributed to their victory by never changing my Lamar Oden underpants.
Some people even torched vehicles. They were mostly at GM dealerships.
President Barack Obama has been on TV more than Regis lately . . . he's all over. He was all over NBC the week before last, and next week he's doing a two-hour prime-time town hall. I guess if we didn't want a president on TV all the time we shouldn't have elected Oprah's boyfriend.
Jimmy Fallon
John McCain said on his Twitter feed that he's buying a new Ford Fusion hybrid. A year ago, McCain didn't use a computer; now he's on Twitter and buying a hybrid. I think he's like Benjamin Button.
British Airways has asked 40,000 employees to work the next month for free. That's just what you want . . . a pilot with nothing to lose.
MySpace is laying off 30 percent of its workforce. Things are so bad, they've also laid off half their pedophiles.
Conan O'Brien
Sen. John McCain announced today that he bought a hybrid car. Apparently McCain thinks a hybrid car is one that has an AM and FM radio.
In Iran, people protesting the election results have been avoiding the government media crackdown by posting messages on Twitter. The tweets declare that Ahmadinejad stole the election and that Jabir is enjoying a lamb kebab.
General Motors has sold the car company Saab to a European company that only produces about a dozen cars a year. General Motors said, “It’s a perfect fit ‘cause we only sell a dozen cars a year.”
It has been reported that publishers are turning Wikipedia into a 5,000 page book. However, I don’t think it’s true, because I read about it on Wikipedia.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard At The 'Fire David Letterman' Rally
10. "David who?"
9. "Well, it was nice of CBS to provide the catering"
8. "We should have done this years ago"
7. "What idiot turned Broadway into a pedestrian mall?"
6. "Isn't there always a crowd demanding Letterman be fired?"
5. "March around the potholes, people"
4. "Can we also get CBS to bring back 'Gunsmoke'?"
3. "When does Cheney get here with the waterboarding gear?"
2. "He should apologize for that hairpiece"
1. "Thanks for coming, Regis"
David Letterman
Sarah Palin has accepted my apology. She also accepted a $500 gift certificate from LensCrafters. I thought that was a nice touch.
I was really nervous about apologizing to Sarah Palin. So to get my confidence up, I rehearsed by apologizing to Tina Fey.
New York City is at war with Canadian geese ever since the whole US Airways landing in the Hudson. Mayor Bloomberg is serious about this. He's so serious, he's bringing in Dick Cheney.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won the Iranian presidential election. People are angry and demanding a recount. As a matter of fact, the last unofficial count actually had Al Franken ahead.
Craig Ferguson
Things are going crazy over in Iran. They're calling for a recount . . . not of the election — "American Idol." They're very upset.
Drivers in New York were cited as the most aggressive and angry in the country. I dispute these results. New York — Los Angeles will raise you with one Mel Gibson.
Today is Cirque du Soleil's 25th anniversary. They're one of Canada's biggest exports, alongside Canadian bacon . . . which is really ham . . . and William Shatner . . . which is really ham . . .
Cirque du Soleil is like a circus, but instead of animals, they have the strangest creatures of all — the French Canadians.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
There was some vandalism after the Lakers won the NBA championship. I like to think I contributed to their victory by never changing my Lamar Oden underpants.
Some people even torched vehicles. They were mostly at GM dealerships.
President Barack Obama has been on TV more than Regis lately . . . he's all over. He was all over NBC the week before last, and next week he's doing a two-hour prime-time town hall. I guess if we didn't want a president on TV all the time we shouldn't have elected Oprah's boyfriend.
Jimmy Fallon
John McCain said on his Twitter feed that he's buying a new Ford Fusion hybrid. A year ago, McCain didn't use a computer; now he's on Twitter and buying a hybrid. I think he's like Benjamin Button.
British Airways has asked 40,000 employees to work the next month for free. That's just what you want . . . a pilot with nothing to lose.
MySpace is laying off 30 percent of its workforce. Things are so bad, they've also laid off half their pedophiles.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
AMA Avoids Supporting Obama's Healthcare Plan
CHICAGO -- The American Medical Association has declined to take a firm position on President Barack Obama's proposal to create a public health insurance program.
The AMA delegates meeting in Chicago agreed Wednesday to support health care reform alternatives that are "consistent with AMA principles," which include freedom to choose health insurance and universal access for patients. But they didn't specifically support a plan for public health insurance.
Several AMA members say that by not using the words "public option" the AMA is sending a message that they are obstructing Obama's efforts to reform health care.
But the AMA's immediate past president, Dr. Nancy Nielsen, says the group didn't close the door to a public option. She says delegates simply didn't want to be seen as supporting something that hasn't been defined
CHICAGO -- The American Medical Association has declined to take a firm position on President Barack Obama's proposal to create a public health insurance program.
The AMA delegates meeting in Chicago agreed Wednesday to support health care reform alternatives that are "consistent with AMA principles," which include freedom to choose health insurance and universal access for patients. But they didn't specifically support a plan for public health insurance.
Several AMA members say that by not using the words "public option" the AMA is sending a message that they are obstructing Obama's efforts to reform health care.
But the AMA's immediate past president, Dr. Nancy Nielsen, says the group didn't close the door to a public option. She says delegates simply didn't want to be seen as supporting something that hasn't been defined
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Big news from Iran. Three days of riots, street-fighting, people setting fire to everything. I’m not sure who won over there: Ahmadinejad, or the Lakers.
President Ahmadinejad is claiming that he won. Weeks before the Iranian election, President Ahmadinejad distributed 400,000 tons of potatoes to voters in rural areas. Who knew he’d be put over the top by the Iranian Irish vote?
In an interview this weekend, Vice President Joe Biden says he still has his eye on the presidency. Which is weird, since the question was, “How do you take your coffee?”
In a major speech Sunday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called for the Palestinians to get their own state. Unfortunately, the state he offered them is New Jersey.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Messages On Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Answering Machine
10. What kind of dictator only gets 63 percent of the vote?
9. I voted for you, now where is that goat you promised me?
8. Dude, where'd you get that sweet tan windbreaker?
7. It's Kim Jong Il. Congratulations. See you at Gadhafi's for Thursday night's Texas hold'em
6. Hey Mahmoud, hey mad dog. Can the Yankees win with that bullpen?
5. Sorry, wrong number — I was looking for Maxine Ahmadinejad
4. It's Jeb Bush. Those crooked voting machines arrive on time?
3. Osama here. My cable's out — can I come over to watch "Gossip Girl"?
2. According to exit polls, soccer moms thought your beard was H-O-T hot
1. It's Dubya. Congratulations on winning the election in whatever country you're in
David Letterman
Times Square is now a pedestrian mall. They have 400 beach chairs in the middle of the street. If you don't get one of those beach chairs, I'll lend you a bag of my hate mail. You can stretch out on that.
In Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won the presidential election in a landslide. But there were problems with the ballots in the election. Who would have thought that?
There was a mistake — thousands of Iranians ended up voting for Pat Buchanan.
I hope they get this figured out soon because the last thing we need is unrest in the Middle East.
Craig Ferguson
I've just been elected president of Iran.
I think I'd rather be the queen of West Hollywood.
It's not such a great day for Chicago. They're having the coldest June on record. It's so cold, Dr. Phil is kissing Oprah's ass just to stay warm.
People are wondering how long it will last. Experts are saying the weather will change when Oprah tells it to.
Jimmy Fallon
The results of Iran's presidential election are in: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. His opponent is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. And if that doesn't work, he's going to make a documentary about global warming.
Six Flags, those amusement ride parks, has declared bankruptcy. Their stock dropped to 41 cents a share, then it went up to $20, then down to 45 cents . . . then slowly, way, way up to $30 . . . then straight down to 12 cents.
Then stock holders started to barf. But for $50, they can buy a photo of what their faces looked like when prices started to dive
Conan O'Brien
Big news from Iran. Three days of riots, street-fighting, people setting fire to everything. I’m not sure who won over there: Ahmadinejad, or the Lakers.
President Ahmadinejad is claiming that he won. Weeks before the Iranian election, President Ahmadinejad distributed 400,000 tons of potatoes to voters in rural areas. Who knew he’d be put over the top by the Iranian Irish vote?
In an interview this weekend, Vice President Joe Biden says he still has his eye on the presidency. Which is weird, since the question was, “How do you take your coffee?”
In a major speech Sunday, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called for the Palestinians to get their own state. Unfortunately, the state he offered them is New Jersey.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Messages On Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Answering Machine
10. What kind of dictator only gets 63 percent of the vote?
9. I voted for you, now where is that goat you promised me?
8. Dude, where'd you get that sweet tan windbreaker?
7. It's Kim Jong Il. Congratulations. See you at Gadhafi's for Thursday night's Texas hold'em
6. Hey Mahmoud, hey mad dog. Can the Yankees win with that bullpen?
5. Sorry, wrong number — I was looking for Maxine Ahmadinejad
4. It's Jeb Bush. Those crooked voting machines arrive on time?
3. Osama here. My cable's out — can I come over to watch "Gossip Girl"?
2. According to exit polls, soccer moms thought your beard was H-O-T hot
1. It's Dubya. Congratulations on winning the election in whatever country you're in
David Letterman
Times Square is now a pedestrian mall. They have 400 beach chairs in the middle of the street. If you don't get one of those beach chairs, I'll lend you a bag of my hate mail. You can stretch out on that.
In Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won the presidential election in a landslide. But there were problems with the ballots in the election. Who would have thought that?
There was a mistake — thousands of Iranians ended up voting for Pat Buchanan.
I hope they get this figured out soon because the last thing we need is unrest in the Middle East.
Craig Ferguson
I've just been elected president of Iran.
I think I'd rather be the queen of West Hollywood.
It's not such a great day for Chicago. They're having the coldest June on record. It's so cold, Dr. Phil is kissing Oprah's ass just to stay warm.
People are wondering how long it will last. Experts are saying the weather will change when Oprah tells it to.
Jimmy Fallon
The results of Iran's presidential election are in: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. His opponent is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. And if that doesn't work, he's going to make a documentary about global warming.
Six Flags, those amusement ride parks, has declared bankruptcy. Their stock dropped to 41 cents a share, then it went up to $20, then down to 45 cents . . . then slowly, way, way up to $30 . . . then straight down to 12 cents.
Then stock holders started to barf. But for $50, they can buy a photo of what their faces looked like when prices started to dive
Monday, June 15, 2009
CIA's Panetta Backs Off Cheney Terror Attack Claim
CIA Director Leon Panetta has disavowed his statement suggesting former Vice President Dick Cheney wants a terrorist attack against the United States.
"The director does not believe the former vice president wants an attack," CIA spokesman Paul Gimigliano said in a statement to CNN.
"He did not say that. He was simply expressing his profound disagreement with the assertion that President Obama's security policies have made our country less safe. Nor did he question anyone's motives."
The controversy erupted after The New Yorker this week published an interview with Panetta in which he said Cheney's recent criticism of Obama’s national security policy illustrates that the ex-vice president "smells some blood in the water on the national security issue."
Panetta said in the magazine, "It's almost, a little bit, gallows politics. When you read behind it, it's almost as if he's wishing that this country would be attacked again, in order to make his point."
Cheney responded Monday by saying "I hope my old friend Leon was misquoted. The important thing is whether or not the Obama administration will continue the policies that have kept us safe for the last eight years."
Vice President Joe Biden disagreed with Panetta's comments Sunday, telling NBC "I don't question (Cheney's) motive."
Cheney’s criticism may be influencing Obama’s policy.
For example, the president now opposes the release of photographs showing alleged abuse by U.S. soldiers of prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan. That’s a reversal of Obama’s initial positio
CIA Director Leon Panetta has disavowed his statement suggesting former Vice President Dick Cheney wants a terrorist attack against the United States.
"The director does not believe the former vice president wants an attack," CIA spokesman Paul Gimigliano said in a statement to CNN.
"He did not say that. He was simply expressing his profound disagreement with the assertion that President Obama's security policies have made our country less safe. Nor did he question anyone's motives."
The controversy erupted after The New Yorker this week published an interview with Panetta in which he said Cheney's recent criticism of Obama’s national security policy illustrates that the ex-vice president "smells some blood in the water on the national security issue."
Panetta said in the magazine, "It's almost, a little bit, gallows politics. When you read behind it, it's almost as if he's wishing that this country would be attacked again, in order to make his point."
Cheney responded Monday by saying "I hope my old friend Leon was misquoted. The important thing is whether or not the Obama administration will continue the policies that have kept us safe for the last eight years."
Vice President Joe Biden disagreed with Panetta's comments Sunday, telling NBC "I don't question (Cheney's) motive."
Cheney’s criticism may be influencing Obama’s policy.
For example, the president now opposes the release of photographs showing alleged abuse by U.S. soldiers of prisoners in Iraq and Afghanistan. That’s a reversal of Obama’s initial positio
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Ensign Case is 'Extortion' GOP Sources Tell Reporters
Sen. John Ensign made the stunning admission that he'd had an affair with a staffer after the woman's husband asked him for a substantial sum of money.
That's the disclosure from Politico a day after the Nevada Republican's Tuesday statement that he had "violated the vows of marriage" by having the affair.
Fox News is reporting that two sources close to Sen. Ensign described the case as "extortion."
Ensign, 51, did not identify the staffer. But Politico reports that she is 46-year-old Cynthia Hampton, who served as the treasurer for Ensign's re-election campaign.
The affair reportedly took place between December 2007 and August 2008.
Hampton's husband, Douglas Hampton, served as Ensign's administrative assistant in his personal office from November 2006 to May 2008, according to Senate records.
"I deeply regret and am very sorry for my actions," Ensign said at Tuesday's briefing, reading from a prepared statement and leaving without taking questions. Ensign's wife Darlene was not at her husband's side during the short briefing.
Sources told Politico that the affair occurred while Ensign was separated from his wife, but the two have since reconciled.
Ensign is chairman of the GOP Policy Committee, the No. 4 job in the Republican Senate leadership. He served as chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee in 2008, and was considered a rising star in his party.
He does not face re-election until 2012 and had taken preliminary steps to explore a run for the White House that year, making a trip three weeks ago to Iowa, an early caucus state, The Washington Post reported.
Ensign has been a member of the Promises Keepers, a male evangelical organization that promotes marital fidelity.
In 1998, as a House member, he called on President Bill Clinton to resign after revelations about his affair with a White House intern.
Sen. John Ensign made the stunning admission that he'd had an affair with a staffer after the woman's husband asked him for a substantial sum of money.
That's the disclosure from Politico a day after the Nevada Republican's Tuesday statement that he had "violated the vows of marriage" by having the affair.
Fox News is reporting that two sources close to Sen. Ensign described the case as "extortion."
Ensign, 51, did not identify the staffer. But Politico reports that she is 46-year-old Cynthia Hampton, who served as the treasurer for Ensign's re-election campaign.
The affair reportedly took place between December 2007 and August 2008.
Hampton's husband, Douglas Hampton, served as Ensign's administrative assistant in his personal office from November 2006 to May 2008, according to Senate records.
"I deeply regret and am very sorry for my actions," Ensign said at Tuesday's briefing, reading from a prepared statement and leaving without taking questions. Ensign's wife Darlene was not at her husband's side during the short briefing.
Sources told Politico that the affair occurred while Ensign was separated from his wife, but the two have since reconciled.
Ensign is chairman of the GOP Policy Committee, the No. 4 job in the Republican Senate leadership. He served as chairman of the National Republican Senatorial Committee in 2008, and was considered a rising star in his party.
He does not face re-election until 2012 and had taken preliminary steps to explore a run for the White House that year, making a trip three weeks ago to Iowa, an early caucus state, The Washington Post reported.
Ensign has been a member of the Promises Keepers, a male evangelical organization that promotes marital fidelity.
In 1998, as a House member, he called on President Bill Clinton to resign after revelations about his affair with a White House intern.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Obama: A Certain Network Attacks Me Too Much
WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama says one television network is "entirely devoted to attacking my administration."
Obama didn't name the network during an interview with CNBC on Tuesday, but his administration has often taken issue with Fox News. When the interviewer asked if Obama meant Fox News, the president didn't respond.
Instead, Obama says the unnamed network seldom runs any positive stories about his White House. Obama says the network has a "pretty big megaphone" to attack his views.
Fox television did not carry his most recent prime-time press conference, drawing rebuke from the White House. Fox News did air the event.
The two networks share a parent company but are run independently.
WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama says one television network is "entirely devoted to attacking my administration."
Obama didn't name the network during an interview with CNBC on Tuesday, but his administration has often taken issue with Fox News. When the interviewer asked if Obama meant Fox News, the president didn't respond.
Instead, Obama says the unnamed network seldom runs any positive stories about his White House. Obama says the network has a "pretty big megaphone" to attack his views.
Fox television did not carry his most recent prime-time press conference, drawing rebuke from the White House. Fox News did air the event.
The two networks share a parent company but are run independently.
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
It’s been reported that 11 percent of Americans still think that President Obama is a Muslim. Apparently, it’s the same 11 percent who still think Adam Lambert would be perfect for their daughter.
Today, the country of Iran is holding its presidential election with four candidates running. Iranians will have to decide which candidate is best prepared to lead them into the 12th century.
Former President George Bush Sr. celebrated his 85th birthday today by skydiving with CNN anchor Robin Meade. Fox News reported the story as “Liberal media pushes old man out of airplane.”
Yesterday in New York City, a woman gave birth to a baby girl while waiting on a subway platform. Witnesses say it was the third grossest thing happening on the subway platform.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Questions Congress Is Receiving About The Digital Switchover
10. If I don't switch over, is my teevee gonna "splode?"
9. Is this 'cuz of the swine flu?
8. Can I still mute "The View"?
7. Will I have to do a digital switchover for my waffle maker also?
6. Any chance this will make Letterman funny?
5. Can you help me? I swallowed my remote
4. Uh . . . is that today?
3. Can you pass a law to bring back "Gunsmoke"?
2. Does this mean Oprah can finally see me watching her?
1. Seriously, shouldn't you idiots be working on the economy?
David Letterman
Today is the day for the big digital changeover for your TV. Everyone's getting ready. As a matter of fact, Dick Cheney hooked up a converter to his pacemaker.
Donald Trump's birthday this weekend. That thing on his head will be wearing a party hat.
They're trying to figure out what to do with the prisoners at Guantanamo. I have an idea: Let's move them in with Jon and Kate. It'll be "Jon & Kate Plus 245."
Craig Ferguson
I heard Prince needs a double hip replacement. Wow. Tonight he's going to party like he just turned 99.
The Olsen twins both turn 23 this weekend. They'll be celebrating like they do every year — they get a birthday cake and don't eat it.
It's a big night in television. Every TV station made the switch to digital. If you don't understand what's happening, you're not alone. It's like trying to understand "Lost" or Paula Abdul.
Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday President Obama signed a note for a fourth-grade girl who missed school so she could attend his town hall. I don’t see what the big deal is. Bush wrote notes for fourth graders too — he just called them “speeches.”
Lil Wayne will be the proud father of two new sons from two different women. Yeah — the women were Lil Drunk and Lil Stoned.
Norman Brinker, the man who invented the salad bar, passed away this week. The wake was open-casket but with a sneeze-guard.
They lowered his casket into the ground using giant tongs.
Conan O'Brien
It’s been reported that 11 percent of Americans still think that President Obama is a Muslim. Apparently, it’s the same 11 percent who still think Adam Lambert would be perfect for their daughter.
Today, the country of Iran is holding its presidential election with four candidates running. Iranians will have to decide which candidate is best prepared to lead them into the 12th century.
Former President George Bush Sr. celebrated his 85th birthday today by skydiving with CNN anchor Robin Meade. Fox News reported the story as “Liberal media pushes old man out of airplane.”
Yesterday in New York City, a woman gave birth to a baby girl while waiting on a subway platform. Witnesses say it was the third grossest thing happening on the subway platform.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Questions Congress Is Receiving About The Digital Switchover
10. If I don't switch over, is my teevee gonna "splode?"
9. Is this 'cuz of the swine flu?
8. Can I still mute "The View"?
7. Will I have to do a digital switchover for my waffle maker also?
6. Any chance this will make Letterman funny?
5. Can you help me? I swallowed my remote
4. Uh . . . is that today?
3. Can you pass a law to bring back "Gunsmoke"?
2. Does this mean Oprah can finally see me watching her?
1. Seriously, shouldn't you idiots be working on the economy?
David Letterman
Today is the day for the big digital changeover for your TV. Everyone's getting ready. As a matter of fact, Dick Cheney hooked up a converter to his pacemaker.
Donald Trump's birthday this weekend. That thing on his head will be wearing a party hat.
They're trying to figure out what to do with the prisoners at Guantanamo. I have an idea: Let's move them in with Jon and Kate. It'll be "Jon & Kate Plus 245."
Craig Ferguson
I heard Prince needs a double hip replacement. Wow. Tonight he's going to party like he just turned 99.
The Olsen twins both turn 23 this weekend. They'll be celebrating like they do every year — they get a birthday cake and don't eat it.
It's a big night in television. Every TV station made the switch to digital. If you don't understand what's happening, you're not alone. It's like trying to understand "Lost" or Paula Abdul.
Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday President Obama signed a note for a fourth-grade girl who missed school so she could attend his town hall. I don’t see what the big deal is. Bush wrote notes for fourth graders too — he just called them “speeches.”
Lil Wayne will be the proud father of two new sons from two different women. Yeah — the women were Lil Drunk and Lil Stoned.
Norman Brinker, the man who invented the salad bar, passed away this week. The wake was open-casket but with a sneeze-guard.
They lowered his casket into the ground using giant tongs.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Ahmadinejad Has Ruined Country
TEHRAN -- The young Iranians cruising noisily around upscale northern Tehran in cars plastered with election posters have only one thing on their minds: denying President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a second term.
Millions of reform-minded Iranians stayed away from the polls in 2005, disillusioned by how hardliners had stymied former President Mohammad Khatami's liberal initiatives.
Ahmadinejad's political fate may well hang on how many of those jaded voters turn out on June 12 - if only to thwart him.
"I will vote, but only because I want to see anyone but Ahmadinejad win. He has ruined the country," said Mina Sedaqati, a 25-year-old sociology student at Tehran University, over coffee and doughnuts with friends in northern Tehran.
More than two-thirds of Iran's 70 million people are aged under 30, making them too young to remember life before the 1979 Islamic revolution that toppled the U.S.-backed Shah.
All four presidential candidates are wooing youthful voters in speeches and campaign messages and have used popular networking and content-sharing sites such as Facebook to target young people.
More than 150,000 Iranians are Facebook members, and young voters make up a huge bloc which helped Khatami win elections in 1997 and 2001. Access to Facebook was blocked for a few days last month, suggesting government concern at its influence.
But analysts say the anti-Ahmadinejad vote is likely to be split between the radical president's two moderate rivals, ex-Prime Minister Mirhossein Mousavi and former parliament speaker Mehdi Karoubi.
Karoubi, the only cleric in the race, has even met one of Iran's best-known underground rap singers, Sasy Mankan.
Mousavi and Karoubi's posters adorn the cars of the middle-class youngsters eager to stop Ahmadinejad out of fear he will lead Iran on a collision course with the West and further erode social freedom.
Ahmadinejad also faces a conservative challenger in Mohsen Rezai, a former Revolutionary Guard chief, but the president has his own support base among young people who admire his defiant nuclear rhetoric, simple lifestyle and devotion to Islam, as well as his pledges of social justice.
"I will vote for Ahmadinejad because his policies in the past four years have been a return to the fundamental values of the Islamic revolution," said Mohammad Reza Baqeri, 24, a member of the Basij, a religious militia group, who criticized previous governments for neglecting the poor.
"Ahmadinejad is a hero. He stood against those who were Iran's enemies for years, but in return he befriended other nations," said the religious studies graduate, referring to ties the president has forged with U.S. adversaries such as Venezuela and Bolivia.
An Iranian political analyst, who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of Iranian politics, described the election as a referendum on Ahmadinejad. "Some people, especially among the young, are for him and some are only voting to prevent his re-election," he said.
POST-REVOLUTIONARY GENERATION
Ahmadinejad swept to power in 2005, promising to share oil wealth among ordinary Iranians, and has frequently toured the provinces distributing loans and development projects.
Reformists and even some conservatives say the president has failed to keep his promises, blaming him for rising unemployment and high inflation, which is hovering around 18 percent.
But Iran's most powerful figure, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has repeatedly praised Ahmadinejad's government and urged people to vote for an anti-Western candidate.
That seeming endorsement could rally conservatives behind Ahmadinejad - but could also backfire if protest voters seize the chance to defy Iran's clerical establishment.
Ahmadinejad's four-year term has seen a crackdown on reformist student activists and renewed efforts by the feared "morality police" to enforce what they deem Islamic behavior.
"How can I feel safe when the president of a country allows the arrest of women for what they wear?" Sedeqati asked, wearing a red loose headscarf.
The political analyst said Ahmadinejad had alienated large sections of the electorate. "The imposed restrictions have mobilized youth and women against him. They are afraid that his re-election will pressure them more."
No one knows if such sentiments will be enough to overcome the political apathy shown by these groups since the eight-year Khatami era ended with little to show for his reformist drive.
"All hopes, such as social and political reforms, created under Khatami are shattered," Sedaqati said.
Khatami had planned to run again, but then withdrew in favor of Mousavi. He won landslide presidential votes in 1997 and 2001, and pushed for detente with the West and for a freer Iran. But hardliners who had kept hold of security agencies and other levers of power blocked many of his reform attempts.
In the late 1990s students formed a bastion of support for Khatami, but many lost heart when reforms failed to materialize.
"Iranian youth have lost their spirit and livelihood since 2005," said Sedaqati.
TEHRAN -- The young Iranians cruising noisily around upscale northern Tehran in cars plastered with election posters have only one thing on their minds: denying President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a second term.
Millions of reform-minded Iranians stayed away from the polls in 2005, disillusioned by how hardliners had stymied former President Mohammad Khatami's liberal initiatives.
Ahmadinejad's political fate may well hang on how many of those jaded voters turn out on June 12 - if only to thwart him.
"I will vote, but only because I want to see anyone but Ahmadinejad win. He has ruined the country," said Mina Sedaqati, a 25-year-old sociology student at Tehran University, over coffee and doughnuts with friends in northern Tehran.
More than two-thirds of Iran's 70 million people are aged under 30, making them too young to remember life before the 1979 Islamic revolution that toppled the U.S.-backed Shah.
All four presidential candidates are wooing youthful voters in speeches and campaign messages and have used popular networking and content-sharing sites such as Facebook to target young people.
More than 150,000 Iranians are Facebook members, and young voters make up a huge bloc which helped Khatami win elections in 1997 and 2001. Access to Facebook was blocked for a few days last month, suggesting government concern at its influence.
But analysts say the anti-Ahmadinejad vote is likely to be split between the radical president's two moderate rivals, ex-Prime Minister Mirhossein Mousavi and former parliament speaker Mehdi Karoubi.
Karoubi, the only cleric in the race, has even met one of Iran's best-known underground rap singers, Sasy Mankan.
Mousavi and Karoubi's posters adorn the cars of the middle-class youngsters eager to stop Ahmadinejad out of fear he will lead Iran on a collision course with the West and further erode social freedom.
Ahmadinejad also faces a conservative challenger in Mohsen Rezai, a former Revolutionary Guard chief, but the president has his own support base among young people who admire his defiant nuclear rhetoric, simple lifestyle and devotion to Islam, as well as his pledges of social justice.
"I will vote for Ahmadinejad because his policies in the past four years have been a return to the fundamental values of the Islamic revolution," said Mohammad Reza Baqeri, 24, a member of the Basij, a religious militia group, who criticized previous governments for neglecting the poor.
"Ahmadinejad is a hero. He stood against those who were Iran's enemies for years, but in return he befriended other nations," said the religious studies graduate, referring to ties the president has forged with U.S. adversaries such as Venezuela and Bolivia.
An Iranian political analyst, who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of Iranian politics, described the election as a referendum on Ahmadinejad. "Some people, especially among the young, are for him and some are only voting to prevent his re-election," he said.
POST-REVOLUTIONARY GENERATION
Ahmadinejad swept to power in 2005, promising to share oil wealth among ordinary Iranians, and has frequently toured the provinces distributing loans and development projects.
Reformists and even some conservatives say the president has failed to keep his promises, blaming him for rising unemployment and high inflation, which is hovering around 18 percent.
But Iran's most powerful figure, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, has repeatedly praised Ahmadinejad's government and urged people to vote for an anti-Western candidate.
That seeming endorsement could rally conservatives behind Ahmadinejad - but could also backfire if protest voters seize the chance to defy Iran's clerical establishment.
Ahmadinejad's four-year term has seen a crackdown on reformist student activists and renewed efforts by the feared "morality police" to enforce what they deem Islamic behavior.
"How can I feel safe when the president of a country allows the arrest of women for what they wear?" Sedeqati asked, wearing a red loose headscarf.
The political analyst said Ahmadinejad had alienated large sections of the electorate. "The imposed restrictions have mobilized youth and women against him. They are afraid that his re-election will pressure them more."
No one knows if such sentiments will be enough to overcome the political apathy shown by these groups since the eight-year Khatami era ended with little to show for his reformist drive.
"All hopes, such as social and political reforms, created under Khatami are shattered," Sedaqati said.
Khatami had planned to run again, but then withdrew in favor of Mousavi. He won landslide presidential votes in 1997 and 2001, and pushed for detente with the West and for a freer Iran. But hardliners who had kept hold of security agencies and other levers of power blocked many of his reform attempts.
In the late 1990s students formed a bastion of support for Khatami, but many lost heart when reforms failed to materialize.
"Iranian youth have lost their spirit and livelihood since 2005," said Sedaqati.
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Finally some good news from the American auto industry. Fiat, which took over Chrysler this week, says it plans to build its cars with American, not Italian, workers. Fiat says it got the idea from the Olive Garden.
A top Republican is angry that Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor belongs to an elite private group. The top Republican is angry and so is everyone at his country club.
Political experts say that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is expected to endorse what he calls a “two-state solution” where Israelis and Palestinians live side-by-side but have no contact. Netanyahu said, “It’ll be just like being married to a Jewish woman.”
Recently, Michael Phelps released a children's book he wrote called "How to Train With a T-Rex and Win 8 Gold Medals." Then he wrote another book called, “How to Make a Bong Out of a Milk Carton.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons Regis Philbin Is Not on the Show Tonight
10. I'm not available.
9. I'm out of town.
8. Just not interested.
7. You know, I never really cared for this show.
6. I'm waiting for the exterminator.
5. I gotta do a thing – anything.
4. I'm just not a fan.
3. It's the digital TV switchover.
2. Honestly, I don’t feel like it.
1. Frankly, it’s none of your business.
Late Show with David Letterman
If you have an old TV, tomorrow it won't work unless you digitalize it. You've got to get a converter thing, and a lot of people are confused about this. For example, earlier today, John McCain was confused. He wanted to know, after the conversion, will his tv dinners still work?
Have you folks been following the Iranian elections? President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, he's running for re-election. Have you seen this guy? Looks like the kind of guy that tries to get to you buy a cell phone you don't need. He looks like one of those guys that would be wearing a member's only jacket. He looks like one of those guys they drag away every week on ‘Dateline.’
Well, it's been a busy week here on the Late Show. Earlier in the week, I made some jokes that upset Sarah Palin. I was telling jokes about her family and stuff. She got really upset. And I think everything's fine now. I think everything's going to be great because she called today and invited to take me hunting.
Jimmy Fallon
Karl Rove called the New York Times’ Maureen Dowd a “bitter, twisted, deranged columnist,” -- and a “dour, downbeat liberal” - and more - a “nasty, snarky person.” Hey - get a room!
Venezuela has banned the sale of Coke Zero because of unspecified health risks. And still not banned in Venezuela: actual coke.
According to the Congressional budget office deficit hit a record 189 billion dollars in May. Or as it’s known here in New York – Four Yankee Tickets.
Congress is considering a bill that would force advertisers to lower the volume of their TV commercials. OK, how did my mother get in Congress?
Conan O'Brien
Finally some good news from the American auto industry. Fiat, which took over Chrysler this week, says it plans to build its cars with American, not Italian, workers. Fiat says it got the idea from the Olive Garden.
A top Republican is angry that Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor belongs to an elite private group. The top Republican is angry and so is everyone at his country club.
Political experts say that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is expected to endorse what he calls a “two-state solution” where Israelis and Palestinians live side-by-side but have no contact. Netanyahu said, “It’ll be just like being married to a Jewish woman.”
Recently, Michael Phelps released a children's book he wrote called "How to Train With a T-Rex and Win 8 Gold Medals." Then he wrote another book called, “How to Make a Bong Out of a Milk Carton.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons Regis Philbin Is Not on the Show Tonight
10. I'm not available.
9. I'm out of town.
8. Just not interested.
7. You know, I never really cared for this show.
6. I'm waiting for the exterminator.
5. I gotta do a thing – anything.
4. I'm just not a fan.
3. It's the digital TV switchover.
2. Honestly, I don’t feel like it.
1. Frankly, it’s none of your business.
Late Show with David Letterman
If you have an old TV, tomorrow it won't work unless you digitalize it. You've got to get a converter thing, and a lot of people are confused about this. For example, earlier today, John McCain was confused. He wanted to know, after the conversion, will his tv dinners still work?
Have you folks been following the Iranian elections? President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, he's running for re-election. Have you seen this guy? Looks like the kind of guy that tries to get to you buy a cell phone you don't need. He looks like one of those guys that would be wearing a member's only jacket. He looks like one of those guys they drag away every week on ‘Dateline.’
Well, it's been a busy week here on the Late Show. Earlier in the week, I made some jokes that upset Sarah Palin. I was telling jokes about her family and stuff. She got really upset. And I think everything's fine now. I think everything's going to be great because she called today and invited to take me hunting.
Jimmy Fallon
Karl Rove called the New York Times’ Maureen Dowd a “bitter, twisted, deranged columnist,” -- and a “dour, downbeat liberal” - and more - a “nasty, snarky person.” Hey - get a room!
Venezuela has banned the sale of Coke Zero because of unspecified health risks. And still not banned in Venezuela: actual coke.
According to the Congressional budget office deficit hit a record 189 billion dollars in May. Or as it’s known here in New York – Four Yankee Tickets.
Congress is considering a bill that would force advertisers to lower the volume of their TV commercials. OK, how did my mother get in Congress?
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Obama Firing AmeriCorps IG for Probe of Friend
WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama plans to fire the inspector general who investigates AmeriCorps and other national service programs amid a controversy between the IG and Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson, who is an Obama supporter and former NBA basketball star.
The IG, Gerald Walpin, was criticized by the U.S. attorney in Sacramento for the way he handled an investigation of Johnson and his nonprofit group, which received hundreds of thousands of dollars in federal grants from the Corporation for National Community Service. The corporation runs the AmeriCorps program.
On Thursday, Obama said in a letter to Congress that he had lost confidence in Walpin. Neither the president nor deputy White House press secretary Josh Earnest would give details.
The president must give Congress 30 days' notice before removing Walpin, who is being suspended with pay for the 30 days.
Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, criticized the White House's reluctance to specify why Walpin is being fired. Grassley pointed to a Senate committee report that says the requirement to notify Congress when an IG is removed is designed to ensure that inspectors general are not removed for political reasons.
The report accompanied an IG reform law passed by Congress last year. Grassley said Walpin had identified millions of dollars in AmeriCorps funds that were wasted or misspent.
"For obvious reasons, we won't get into details of a personnel decision like this, but I can tell you that the president lost confidence in Mr. Walpin's performance," Earnest said. "The president will appoint a replacement in whom he has full confidence as the corporation carries out its important mission."
Walpin serves at the pleasure of the president, the corporation said.
Messages left for Walpin seeking comment were not immediately returned.
The IG found that Johnson, a former all-star point guard for the Phoenix Suns, had used AmeriCorps grants to pay volunteers to engage in school-board political activities, run personal errands for Johnson and even wash his car.
In August 2008, Walpin referred the matter to the local U.S. attorney's office, which said the IG's conclusions seemed overstated and did not accurately reflect all the information gathered in the investigation.
"We also highlighted numerous questions and further investigation they needed to conduct, including the fact that they had not done an audit to establish how much AmeriCorps money was actually misspent," the U.S. attorney's office said in an April 29 letter to the federal counsel of inspectors general.
Walpin's office made repeated public comments just before the Sacramento mayoral election, prompting the U.S. attorney's office to inform the media that it did not intend to file any criminal charges.
The U.S. attorney's office reached a settlement in the matter. Brown cited press accounts that said Johnson and the nonprofit would repay half of nearly $850,000 in grants it received.
Ken Bach, who works in the inspector general's office at the corporation, will be acting inspector general until Obama appoints someone to the position.
Walpin, a New York attorney, was appointed by President George W. Bush and sworn into office in January 2007 after being confirmed by the Senate, according to a news release on AmeriCorps' Web site. Walpin graduated from College of the City of New York in 1952 and received a law degree in 1955 from Yale Law School. He was a partner with the New York City law firm Katten Muchin and Rosenman LLP for more than 40 years.
On Wednesday night, Alan Solomont, a Democrat and the board chairman of the government-run corporation, and Stephen Goldsmith, a Republican and the board's vice chair, said they backed the president's decision.
In a written statement, Solomont and Goldsmith said: "We strongly endorse the president's decision with respect to Inspector General Gerald Walpin. We look forward to working with a new inspector general."
WASHINGTON -- President Barack Obama plans to fire the inspector general who investigates AmeriCorps and other national service programs amid a controversy between the IG and Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson, who is an Obama supporter and former NBA basketball star.
The IG, Gerald Walpin, was criticized by the U.S. attorney in Sacramento for the way he handled an investigation of Johnson and his nonprofit group, which received hundreds of thousands of dollars in federal grants from the Corporation for National Community Service. The corporation runs the AmeriCorps program.
On Thursday, Obama said in a letter to Congress that he had lost confidence in Walpin. Neither the president nor deputy White House press secretary Josh Earnest would give details.
The president must give Congress 30 days' notice before removing Walpin, who is being suspended with pay for the 30 days.
Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, criticized the White House's reluctance to specify why Walpin is being fired. Grassley pointed to a Senate committee report that says the requirement to notify Congress when an IG is removed is designed to ensure that inspectors general are not removed for political reasons.
The report accompanied an IG reform law passed by Congress last year. Grassley said Walpin had identified millions of dollars in AmeriCorps funds that were wasted or misspent.
"For obvious reasons, we won't get into details of a personnel decision like this, but I can tell you that the president lost confidence in Mr. Walpin's performance," Earnest said. "The president will appoint a replacement in whom he has full confidence as the corporation carries out its important mission."
Walpin serves at the pleasure of the president, the corporation said.
Messages left for Walpin seeking comment were not immediately returned.
The IG found that Johnson, a former all-star point guard for the Phoenix Suns, had used AmeriCorps grants to pay volunteers to engage in school-board political activities, run personal errands for Johnson and even wash his car.
In August 2008, Walpin referred the matter to the local U.S. attorney's office, which said the IG's conclusions seemed overstated and did not accurately reflect all the information gathered in the investigation.
"We also highlighted numerous questions and further investigation they needed to conduct, including the fact that they had not done an audit to establish how much AmeriCorps money was actually misspent," the U.S. attorney's office said in an April 29 letter to the federal counsel of inspectors general.
Walpin's office made repeated public comments just before the Sacramento mayoral election, prompting the U.S. attorney's office to inform the media that it did not intend to file any criminal charges.
The U.S. attorney's office reached a settlement in the matter. Brown cited press accounts that said Johnson and the nonprofit would repay half of nearly $850,000 in grants it received.
Ken Bach, who works in the inspector general's office at the corporation, will be acting inspector general until Obama appoints someone to the position.
Walpin, a New York attorney, was appointed by President George W. Bush and sworn into office in January 2007 after being confirmed by the Senate, according to a news release on AmeriCorps' Web site. Walpin graduated from College of the City of New York in 1952 and received a law degree in 1955 from Yale Law School. He was a partner with the New York City law firm Katten Muchin and Rosenman LLP for more than 40 years.
On Wednesday night, Alan Solomont, a Democrat and the board chairman of the government-run corporation, and Stephen Goldsmith, a Republican and the board's vice chair, said they backed the president's decision.
In a written statement, Solomont and Goldsmith said: "We strongly endorse the president's decision with respect to Inspector General Gerald Walpin. We look forward to working with a new inspector general."
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Historic day for the auto industry. Today, Chrysler was taken over by Fiat. Today the new CEO said, “going forward we intend to build on Chrysler’s culture of innovation.” Then he laughed for 3 straight hours.
President Obama has put healthcare back in the news. President Obama says he wants to create a national healthcare plan that’s both affordable and easy to use. The insurance industry says they'll fight the plan with Congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use.
As you all know, two US reporters have been imprisoned in North Korea and now President Obama is considering sending Al Gore to negotiate their release. After hearing the Al Gore threat, North Korea gave up the reporters and their nuclear program.
Former President George H.W. Bush will celebrate his 85th birthday by once again going skydiving. His son, George W. Bush will celebrate his father’s birthday the way he always does: giving him a World’s Greatest Dad mug and making him a macaroni necklace.
David Letterman
Have you folks seen the blockbuster summer movie 'Hangover?' The movie is about what happens after a wild night of drinking. And, you know, I did that once, where you wake up and you realize you'd done something. That was a couple of months ago – I got married. 'Hangover,' by the way – now here's a little confusion. Don't confuse 'Hangover' with a film about Donald Trump – it's called 'Combover.'
I am in so much trouble – the governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is angry with me. Fuming, angry, seeing red, and has called me ‘pathetic.’ Yep, that's right. Honestly, I haven't been called pathetic – well, since the honeymoon, actually. But I won't kid you. I was feeling a little depressed when I heard that the governor was mad at me and called me pathetic. And to cheer myself up, I went out and spent $150,000 on clothes. And I was thinking about this – great. My luck. I pissed off a hunter.
Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in a tight race but today he got some great news for the campaign – he was endorsed by Mel Gibson. Ahmadinejad may lose his job, and the korean dictator Kim Jong-il is stepping down, and before you know it, the only tiny – because these guys are all petite guys – the only small control freaks left in the world will be, like, well, I guess, Tom Cruise.
According to a tracking agency, President Obama invokes the name Jesus more frequently now than did George Bush for the same amount of time in his presidency. I bet it's true. Because, if you think about it, Obama is always saying, 'Jesus, why did I run for president?'
Jimmy Fallon
Edward Whitaker, the former chairman of AT&T, was appointed the new chairman of General Motors. I’m not sure about his business plan – he’s giving away free cars on nights and weekends. In an interview the new chairman actually said, "I don't know anything about cars.” I respect that. He’s keeping up the GM tradition.
Kim Jong-il said that – if provoked – North Korea would not hesitate to use it’s nuclear weapons in a “merciless offensive.” I just hope no one is stupid enough to provoke that fat, little weirdo.
Scientists have created a mathematical formula that can be used as a “cosmic pregnancy test” to predict the birth of new stars in the galaxy. The only problem is that it's really hard to get the universe to pee on a stick.
Cops in France are searching for a thief who stole a notebook full of Picasso’s sketches. The thief should be easy to find—he has just one eye and his foot is on his forehead.
Conan O'Brien
Historic day for the auto industry. Today, Chrysler was taken over by Fiat. Today the new CEO said, “going forward we intend to build on Chrysler’s culture of innovation.” Then he laughed for 3 straight hours.
President Obama has put healthcare back in the news. President Obama says he wants to create a national healthcare plan that’s both affordable and easy to use. The insurance industry says they'll fight the plan with Congressmen who are both affordable and easy to use.
As you all know, two US reporters have been imprisoned in North Korea and now President Obama is considering sending Al Gore to negotiate their release. After hearing the Al Gore threat, North Korea gave up the reporters and their nuclear program.
Former President George H.W. Bush will celebrate his 85th birthday by once again going skydiving. His son, George W. Bush will celebrate his father’s birthday the way he always does: giving him a World’s Greatest Dad mug and making him a macaroni necklace.
David Letterman
Have you folks seen the blockbuster summer movie 'Hangover?' The movie is about what happens after a wild night of drinking. And, you know, I did that once, where you wake up and you realize you'd done something. That was a couple of months ago – I got married. 'Hangover,' by the way – now here's a little confusion. Don't confuse 'Hangover' with a film about Donald Trump – it's called 'Combover.'
I am in so much trouble – the governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, is angry with me. Fuming, angry, seeing red, and has called me ‘pathetic.’ Yep, that's right. Honestly, I haven't been called pathetic – well, since the honeymoon, actually. But I won't kid you. I was feeling a little depressed when I heard that the governor was mad at me and called me pathetic. And to cheer myself up, I went out and spent $150,000 on clothes. And I was thinking about this – great. My luck. I pissed off a hunter.
Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in a tight race but today he got some great news for the campaign – he was endorsed by Mel Gibson. Ahmadinejad may lose his job, and the korean dictator Kim Jong-il is stepping down, and before you know it, the only tiny – because these guys are all petite guys – the only small control freaks left in the world will be, like, well, I guess, Tom Cruise.
According to a tracking agency, President Obama invokes the name Jesus more frequently now than did George Bush for the same amount of time in his presidency. I bet it's true. Because, if you think about it, Obama is always saying, 'Jesus, why did I run for president?'
Jimmy Fallon
Edward Whitaker, the former chairman of AT&T, was appointed the new chairman of General Motors. I’m not sure about his business plan – he’s giving away free cars on nights and weekends. In an interview the new chairman actually said, "I don't know anything about cars.” I respect that. He’s keeping up the GM tradition.
Kim Jong-il said that – if provoked – North Korea would not hesitate to use it’s nuclear weapons in a “merciless offensive.” I just hope no one is stupid enough to provoke that fat, little weirdo.
Scientists have created a mathematical formula that can be used as a “cosmic pregnancy test” to predict the birth of new stars in the galaxy. The only problem is that it's really hard to get the universe to pee on a stick.
Cops in France are searching for a thief who stole a notebook full of Picasso’s sketches. The thief should be easy to find—he has just one eye and his foot is on his forehead.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Rev. Wright: 'Them Jews Won't Let Obama Talk to Me'
Rev. Jeremiah Wright, longtime pastor of Barack Obama's former Chicago church, has sparked new controversy by claiming "them Jews" won't let him speak to Obama.
Attending the Hampton University Ministers' Conference in Virginia, Wright said in an interview on Tuesday that he had not spoken with Obama since he became president
The former pastor of Trinity United Church of Christ told Virginia's Daily Press: "Them Jews ain't going to let him talk to me. I told my baby daughter that he'll talk to me in five years when he's a lame duck, or in eight years when he's out of office . . .
"They will not let him talk to somebody who calls a spade what it is."
Wright said Obama should have sent an American delegation to the recent World Conference on Racism in Switzerland, but chose not to do so for fear of offending Jews and Israel. The U.S. and several other countries boycotted the conference in large part because it was viewed as anti-Israel.
"Ethnic cleansing is going on in Gaza," Wright declared. "Ethnic cleansing (by) the Zionist is a sin and a crime against humanity, and they don't want Barack talking like that because that's anti-Israel."
Richard Gordon, chairman of the Community Relations Commission of the United Jewish Community Center, told the Daily Press: "My impression is that Barack Obama . . . is doing what he thinks is in the best interest of the country, and his advisers are telling him the best way to accomplish that.
"It would also be my opinion that he wants to distance himself from Rev. Wright because of these spurious and ridiculous accusations that he consistently and persistently makes."
On the Sunday following 9/11, Wright characterized the terrorist attacks as a consequence of violent American policies. Four years later, Wright suggested that the attacks were retribution for America’s racism.
Wright has said America created the AIDS virus to kill off blacks. He gave an award for lifetime achievement to Louis Farrakhan. He has equated Zionism with racism and has compared Israel with South Africa under its previous policy of apartheid.
Obama resigned from Trinity United in May after nearly 20 years as a member. Rev. Wright had retired as senior pastor several months earlier.
In his interview with the Daily Press, Rev. Wright said he did vote for Obama but added: "He made mistakes. He made bad choices. I've got kids who listen to their friends. He listened to those around him. I did not disown him."
Rev. William Curtis, president of the Ministries Conference, said: "Dr. Wright is a part of the church and he is a friend of the church and his views are personal. And they don't represent the statements and views of the entire African-American pulpit."
Rev. Jeremiah Wright, longtime pastor of Barack Obama's former Chicago church, has sparked new controversy by claiming "them Jews" won't let him speak to Obama.
Attending the Hampton University Ministers' Conference in Virginia, Wright said in an interview on Tuesday that he had not spoken with Obama since he became president
The former pastor of Trinity United Church of Christ told Virginia's Daily Press: "Them Jews ain't going to let him talk to me. I told my baby daughter that he'll talk to me in five years when he's a lame duck, or in eight years when he's out of office . . .
"They will not let him talk to somebody who calls a spade what it is."
Wright said Obama should have sent an American delegation to the recent World Conference on Racism in Switzerland, but chose not to do so for fear of offending Jews and Israel. The U.S. and several other countries boycotted the conference in large part because it was viewed as anti-Israel.
"Ethnic cleansing is going on in Gaza," Wright declared. "Ethnic cleansing (by) the Zionist is a sin and a crime against humanity, and they don't want Barack talking like that because that's anti-Israel."
Richard Gordon, chairman of the Community Relations Commission of the United Jewish Community Center, told the Daily Press: "My impression is that Barack Obama . . . is doing what he thinks is in the best interest of the country, and his advisers are telling him the best way to accomplish that.
"It would also be my opinion that he wants to distance himself from Rev. Wright because of these spurious and ridiculous accusations that he consistently and persistently makes."
On the Sunday following 9/11, Wright characterized the terrorist attacks as a consequence of violent American policies. Four years later, Wright suggested that the attacks were retribution for America’s racism.
Wright has said America created the AIDS virus to kill off blacks. He gave an award for lifetime achievement to Louis Farrakhan. He has equated Zionism with racism and has compared Israel with South Africa under its previous policy of apartheid.
Obama resigned from Trinity United in May after nearly 20 years as a member. Rev. Wright had retired as senior pastor several months earlier.
In his interview with the Daily Press, Rev. Wright said he did vote for Obama but added: "He made mistakes. He made bad choices. I've got kids who listen to their friends. He listened to those around him. I did not disown him."
Rev. William Curtis, president of the Ministries Conference, said: "Dr. Wright is a part of the church and he is a friend of the church and his views are personal. And they don't represent the statements and views of the entire African-American pulpit."
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
Speaking of President Obama—Earlier today, President Obama spoke at a town hall meeting in Green Bay Wisconsin. Half of the Wisconsin crowd had never seen an African-American and the other half had never seen a skinny person.
Little upsetting—Yesterday, Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor fell and broke her ankle – and she’s expected to be on crutches for several weeks. In a related story, Republicans have announced that Sotomayor’s confirmation hearing will consist of 3 questions – and a timed obstacle course.
In a recent interview, the Octomom says she apologized to the man who was her sperm donor. Next up, she’ll give an even bigger apology to her uterus.
Jon and Kate Gosselin of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" celebrated their 100th episode by having celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse over to cook dinner. Things got a little tense when Kate asked Emeril how to make chicken cacciatore and Jon asked Emeril how to make a bitch shut up.
Dunkin Donuts has announced a new donut flavor called, “Toffee for your Coffee.” Apparently this narrowly beat out the flavor, “Molasses for your Big Asses.”
Conan O'Brien
Speaking of President Obama—Earlier today, President Obama spoke at a town hall meeting in Green Bay Wisconsin. Half of the Wisconsin crowd had never seen an African-American and the other half had never seen a skinny person.
Little upsetting—Yesterday, Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor fell and broke her ankle – and she’s expected to be on crutches for several weeks. In a related story, Republicans have announced that Sotomayor’s confirmation hearing will consist of 3 questions – and a timed obstacle course.
In a recent interview, the Octomom says she apologized to the man who was her sperm donor. Next up, she’ll give an even bigger apology to her uterus.
Jon and Kate Gosselin of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" celebrated their 100th episode by having celebrity chef Emeril Lagasse over to cook dinner. Things got a little tense when Kate asked Emeril how to make chicken cacciatore and Jon asked Emeril how to make a bitch shut up.
Dunkin Donuts has announced a new donut flavor called, “Toffee for your Coffee.” Apparently this narrowly beat out the flavor, “Molasses for your Big Asses.”
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Obama Breeds Climate of Hate Against Jews
Our new president did not tell a virulent anti-Semite to travel to the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington to kill Jews, but he is most certainly creating a climate of hate against us.
It is no coincidence that we are witnessing this level of hatred toward Jews as President Barack Obama positions America against the Jewish state.
Just days ago Obama traveled to Cairo, Egypt. It was his second trip in a short time to visit Muslim countries. He sent a clear message by not visiting Israel.
But this was code.
In Cairo, Obama said things that pose a grave danger to Jews in Israel, in America and everywhere.
And if his views are not vigorously opposed they will help create a danger as great as that posed by the Nazis to the Jewish people.
Just last week, Obama told his worldwide audience — more than 100 million people — that the killing of six million Jews during the Holocaust was the equivalent of Israel’s actions in dealing with the Palestinians.
This remark is incredible on its face, an insult to the six million Jews who died as a result of Hitler’s genocide — and it is a form of revisionism that will bode evil for Jews for years to come.
While Obama acknowledged that “six million Jews were killed — more than the entire Jewish population of Israel today” — his discussion about the Holocaust was followed by this statement: “On the other hand, it is also undeniable that the Palestinian people — Muslims and Christians — have suffered in pursuit of a homeland.”
“On the other hand . . . ”?
Obama’s clever construct comparing the mass genocide of six million Jews to the Palestinian struggle will not be lost on the estimated 100 million Muslims who tuned into to hear him.
Perhaps it was not lost on James W. von Brunn, the 88-year-old white supremacist identified as the alleged attacker Wednesday at the Holocaust Museum. He apparently felt that he could easily take retribution against the Jews for the atrocities Obama implies they are guilty of.
At first blush Mr. Obama’s speech seemed rosy, optimistic — one that espoused tolerance and understanding.
If you scratch the surface it is a dangerous document that history will view as a turning point for America and Israel — one that will lead to dangerous times ahead for both Jews and believing Christians.
The immediate danger posed by Obama’s speech is in its incredible re-writing of the history of Jews, Christians and Muslims from Medieval times to the present.
Obama, continually throughout his speech, talks of Islam’s peaceful intent. And while there are certainly Koranic verses that support this interpretation, Islam has a long and bloody history of violence against fellow Muslims, Jews and Christians.
Has Obama not heard about the Muslim’s violent conquest of the Middle East, Spain and half of Western Europe? Was he never taught that the Crusades sought to turn back this Muslim onslaught that demanded subjugated populations convert or die?
In his almost hour-long speech, there is not a single word about Islam’s well known and checkered past.
Ironically, the American president offered plenty of references to what he sees are America’s evils, such as its “colonialism” and history of slavery.
“For centuries, black people in America suffered the lash of the whip as slaves and the humiliation of segregation,” Obama told his audience, citing a litany of American shortcomings. He failed to mention that Arab Muslims were the greatest slave traders in the history of humanity.
According to Obama, Israelis, too, are guilty of wrongdoing, especially when it comes to their supposed maltreatment of the Palestinians.
Isn’t it odd an American president would go to a foreign country and slander his own country and its long-time ally?
At the same time he praises — unconditionally — a religion and culture that has a long history of being antithetical to the very values that have made America a great nation?
Mr. Obama even has the unbelievable gall, when talking about the treatment of Muslim women, to condemn Western countries for attempting to stop Muslim women from using the full facial cover, or hijab. This is a symbol of Muslim subjugation of women.
Listen to what Obama said: “Likewise, it is important for Western countries to avoid impeding Muslim citizens from practicing religion as they see fit - for instance, by dictating what clothes a Muslim woman should wear.”
And Obama not only ignores the gross subjugation of women in many Arab societies — he does not mention even once the almost total religious intolerance throughout the Muslim world against Christians and Jews.
In his speech, Obama’s only plea for Muslim women living in Muslim countries is that they should be afforded an education.
How about a discussion of the beheading of Arab women for “crimes” such as adultery? How about the malicious treatment of women in Muslim countries who choose not to wear the hijab?
Obama insists that Islam has promoted tolerance and that in Islamic societies such ideals have flourished.
Obama claimed that “as a student of history” he understands more than most the truth about “civilization's debt to Islam.”
He added, “And throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality.”
Does he not know that a Jew or Christian would be beheaded in Saudi Arabia for practicing their religion today, now, this minute?
Of course, Obama offers not one example of where religious freedom is truly tolerated in the Muslim world. Yet, he proudly told his audience that in every state of the union and throughout the U.S. there exist more than 1,200 mosques.
But why, Mr. President, is there no Christian Church or Jewish synagogue operating within the borders of Saudi Arabia? Not even one.
Why in many countries, including your host Egypt, Christian churches have suffered vicious and continual persecution? Why is a once vibrant Cairo Jewish community — a home for the likes of Maimonides — today practically extinct?
Why, dear president, has the ancient Christian community in the West Bank and places like Bethlehem been almost completely wiped out by the modern Muslim onslaught?
“On the other hand,” to quote you Mr. President, you avoided mentioning some other truths.
Let’s start with the Israeli Arabs who can claim one of the highest standards of living in the Arab world. Indeed, they have more rights than Arabs in any Muslim country, their religious freedom is completely protected, and they even vote in free elections.
Tell me what Muslim country matches Israel’s record in protecting its minorities?
Even Arabs in the West Bank, during the time of Israeli control, saw their standard of living rise dramatically. Today, Arabs there are among the best educated in the world, thanks to Israel.
In your revisionist view, Israel has acted to harm these people. But it was not Israel that could not abide by United Nations resolutions clearly setting borders for both the state of Israel and an entity that had never existed before named Palestine.
You cleverly omitted any discussion of these facts, or the continual attacks against the state of Israel over six decades by its Muslim neighbors. Nor is it the Israelis who persecute from time to time the Coptic Christians of Egypt.
No, Mr. President, I do not accept your assertion that you are seeking religious tolerance or that you are seeking to protect Jews. I do not accept it because you are inventing a false history to fit your own agenda.
Mr. President, I am deeply disturbed that you would offer such a distortion of truth in the hopes of creating a lasting peace. A lasting peace cannot be created out of lies, distortions and half truths.
You profess to be a Christian. But you seem more intent on protecting Muslims. In your speech you talked openly of your Muslim heritage, your admiration of their way of life, and so forth. You said in your speech that you have made one of your chief aims of your presidency repairing the image of Islam.
Why did you hide these views from the American public during the recent presidential campaign?
Why, as president, did you fully bow to the Saudi king, who refuses to allow any religious freedom for any Christian or Jew?
You have made clear, by your words and assertions, that you are re-positioning the United States away from Israel, America’s lone democratic ally in the Mid-East.
You have made clear through your statements and those of your minions that Israel should, under no circumstances, prevent Iran from getting nuclear weapons.
And yes, you have promised to retaliate against Iran if it ever attacks Israel with nuclear weapons.
But you know full well that if Iran succeeds in its admitted goal of “wiping the Jewish state off the map” — and hits this tiny nation with nuclear warheads — there will be no Israel for the U.S. to retaliate on behalf of.
Some Jews may be naïve, but we are not stupid.
Our new president did not tell a virulent anti-Semite to travel to the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington to kill Jews, but he is most certainly creating a climate of hate against us.
It is no coincidence that we are witnessing this level of hatred toward Jews as President Barack Obama positions America against the Jewish state.
Just days ago Obama traveled to Cairo, Egypt. It was his second trip in a short time to visit Muslim countries. He sent a clear message by not visiting Israel.
But this was code.
In Cairo, Obama said things that pose a grave danger to Jews in Israel, in America and everywhere.
And if his views are not vigorously opposed they will help create a danger as great as that posed by the Nazis to the Jewish people.
Just last week, Obama told his worldwide audience — more than 100 million people — that the killing of six million Jews during the Holocaust was the equivalent of Israel’s actions in dealing with the Palestinians.
This remark is incredible on its face, an insult to the six million Jews who died as a result of Hitler’s genocide — and it is a form of revisionism that will bode evil for Jews for years to come.
While Obama acknowledged that “six million Jews were killed — more than the entire Jewish population of Israel today” — his discussion about the Holocaust was followed by this statement: “On the other hand, it is also undeniable that the Palestinian people — Muslims and Christians — have suffered in pursuit of a homeland.”
“On the other hand . . . ”?
Obama’s clever construct comparing the mass genocide of six million Jews to the Palestinian struggle will not be lost on the estimated 100 million Muslims who tuned into to hear him.
Perhaps it was not lost on James W. von Brunn, the 88-year-old white supremacist identified as the alleged attacker Wednesday at the Holocaust Museum. He apparently felt that he could easily take retribution against the Jews for the atrocities Obama implies they are guilty of.
At first blush Mr. Obama’s speech seemed rosy, optimistic — one that espoused tolerance and understanding.
If you scratch the surface it is a dangerous document that history will view as a turning point for America and Israel — one that will lead to dangerous times ahead for both Jews and believing Christians.
The immediate danger posed by Obama’s speech is in its incredible re-writing of the history of Jews, Christians and Muslims from Medieval times to the present.
Obama, continually throughout his speech, talks of Islam’s peaceful intent. And while there are certainly Koranic verses that support this interpretation, Islam has a long and bloody history of violence against fellow Muslims, Jews and Christians.
Has Obama not heard about the Muslim’s violent conquest of the Middle East, Spain and half of Western Europe? Was he never taught that the Crusades sought to turn back this Muslim onslaught that demanded subjugated populations convert or die?
In his almost hour-long speech, there is not a single word about Islam’s well known and checkered past.
Ironically, the American president offered plenty of references to what he sees are America’s evils, such as its “colonialism” and history of slavery.
“For centuries, black people in America suffered the lash of the whip as slaves and the humiliation of segregation,” Obama told his audience, citing a litany of American shortcomings. He failed to mention that Arab Muslims were the greatest slave traders in the history of humanity.
According to Obama, Israelis, too, are guilty of wrongdoing, especially when it comes to their supposed maltreatment of the Palestinians.
Isn’t it odd an American president would go to a foreign country and slander his own country and its long-time ally?
At the same time he praises — unconditionally — a religion and culture that has a long history of being antithetical to the very values that have made America a great nation?
Mr. Obama even has the unbelievable gall, when talking about the treatment of Muslim women, to condemn Western countries for attempting to stop Muslim women from using the full facial cover, or hijab. This is a symbol of Muslim subjugation of women.
Listen to what Obama said: “Likewise, it is important for Western countries to avoid impeding Muslim citizens from practicing religion as they see fit - for instance, by dictating what clothes a Muslim woman should wear.”
And Obama not only ignores the gross subjugation of women in many Arab societies — he does not mention even once the almost total religious intolerance throughout the Muslim world against Christians and Jews.
In his speech, Obama’s only plea for Muslim women living in Muslim countries is that they should be afforded an education.
How about a discussion of the beheading of Arab women for “crimes” such as adultery? How about the malicious treatment of women in Muslim countries who choose not to wear the hijab?
Obama insists that Islam has promoted tolerance and that in Islamic societies such ideals have flourished.
Obama claimed that “as a student of history” he understands more than most the truth about “civilization's debt to Islam.”
He added, “And throughout history, Islam has demonstrated through words and deeds the possibilities of religious tolerance and racial equality.”
Does he not know that a Jew or Christian would be beheaded in Saudi Arabia for practicing their religion today, now, this minute?
Of course, Obama offers not one example of where religious freedom is truly tolerated in the Muslim world. Yet, he proudly told his audience that in every state of the union and throughout the U.S. there exist more than 1,200 mosques.
But why, Mr. President, is there no Christian Church or Jewish synagogue operating within the borders of Saudi Arabia? Not even one.
Why in many countries, including your host Egypt, Christian churches have suffered vicious and continual persecution? Why is a once vibrant Cairo Jewish community — a home for the likes of Maimonides — today practically extinct?
Why, dear president, has the ancient Christian community in the West Bank and places like Bethlehem been almost completely wiped out by the modern Muslim onslaught?
“On the other hand,” to quote you Mr. President, you avoided mentioning some other truths.
Let’s start with the Israeli Arabs who can claim one of the highest standards of living in the Arab world. Indeed, they have more rights than Arabs in any Muslim country, their religious freedom is completely protected, and they even vote in free elections.
Tell me what Muslim country matches Israel’s record in protecting its minorities?
Even Arabs in the West Bank, during the time of Israeli control, saw their standard of living rise dramatically. Today, Arabs there are among the best educated in the world, thanks to Israel.
In your revisionist view, Israel has acted to harm these people. But it was not Israel that could not abide by United Nations resolutions clearly setting borders for both the state of Israel and an entity that had never existed before named Palestine.
You cleverly omitted any discussion of these facts, or the continual attacks against the state of Israel over six decades by its Muslim neighbors. Nor is it the Israelis who persecute from time to time the Coptic Christians of Egypt.
No, Mr. President, I do not accept your assertion that you are seeking religious tolerance or that you are seeking to protect Jews. I do not accept it because you are inventing a false history to fit your own agenda.
Mr. President, I am deeply disturbed that you would offer such a distortion of truth in the hopes of creating a lasting peace. A lasting peace cannot be created out of lies, distortions and half truths.
You profess to be a Christian. But you seem more intent on protecting Muslims. In your speech you talked openly of your Muslim heritage, your admiration of their way of life, and so forth. You said in your speech that you have made one of your chief aims of your presidency repairing the image of Islam.
Why did you hide these views from the American public during the recent presidential campaign?
Why, as president, did you fully bow to the Saudi king, who refuses to allow any religious freedom for any Christian or Jew?
You have made clear, by your words and assertions, that you are re-positioning the United States away from Israel, America’s lone democratic ally in the Mid-East.
You have made clear through your statements and those of your minions that Israel should, under no circumstances, prevent Iran from getting nuclear weapons.
And yes, you have promised to retaliate against Iran if it ever attacks Israel with nuclear weapons.
But you know full well that if Iran succeeds in its admitted goal of “wiping the Jewish state off the map” — and hits this tiny nation with nuclear warheads — there will be no Israel for the U.S. to retaliate on behalf of.
Some Jews may be naïve, but we are not stupid.
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
This morning, Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor fell and broke her ankle at La Guardia Airport. If she’s confirmed, the first case she’ll hear is “Sotomayor versus La Guardia Airport.”
Yesterday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sent a stern warning to North Korea to stop their belligerent actions. Her exact quote was, “Don’t make me get all Hillary on your ass.”
A new study says that this year airlines could lose up to $9 billion dollars. Apparently the airlines are going to lose the $9 billion dollars by putting it in a suitcase and checking it.
The family of a Michigan woman brought her to a McDonald’s to celebrate her 100th birthday. It was basically the family’s way of saying, “Grandma, you’ve lived long enough.”
Paris Hilton’s in the news. Paris Hilton is denying rumors that she stripped naked at a Las Vegas party and then danced for a group of wealthy businessmen. Paris said, “They weren’t businessmen, they were plumbers.”
Jimmy Fallon
For the first time in 30 years, Saudis are allowed to go to the movies this weekend. There’s a few movies to choose from: Turban Cowboy, The Taking of Hostages 1, 2, and 3, He's Just Not That Into You Driving, or Tyler Perry’s: Madea Goes to Jail for Showing Her Ankles.
Two doctors in Tennessee have invented a device that improves your posture by giving you a small electric zap every time you slouch. The device is called “Your Mother-with-a-Taser”
Figure skater Michelle Kwan graduated from the University of Denver on Saturday with a degree in international studies. She finished with a GPA of 4.0, 4.0, 3.9, 4.0, and from the Russian judge… 2.6.
Happy Birthday to Joan Rivers, she turned 76 today. And Happy 10th Birthday to Joan's eyelids.
Conan O'Brien
This morning, Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor fell and broke her ankle at La Guardia Airport. If she’s confirmed, the first case she’ll hear is “Sotomayor versus La Guardia Airport.”
Yesterday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sent a stern warning to North Korea to stop their belligerent actions. Her exact quote was, “Don’t make me get all Hillary on your ass.”
A new study says that this year airlines could lose up to $9 billion dollars. Apparently the airlines are going to lose the $9 billion dollars by putting it in a suitcase and checking it.
The family of a Michigan woman brought her to a McDonald’s to celebrate her 100th birthday. It was basically the family’s way of saying, “Grandma, you’ve lived long enough.”
Paris Hilton’s in the news. Paris Hilton is denying rumors that she stripped naked at a Las Vegas party and then danced for a group of wealthy businessmen. Paris said, “They weren’t businessmen, they were plumbers.”
Jimmy Fallon
For the first time in 30 years, Saudis are allowed to go to the movies this weekend. There’s a few movies to choose from: Turban Cowboy, The Taking of Hostages 1, 2, and 3, He's Just Not That Into You Driving, or Tyler Perry’s: Madea Goes to Jail for Showing Her Ankles.
Two doctors in Tennessee have invented a device that improves your posture by giving you a small electric zap every time you slouch. The device is called “Your Mother-with-a-Taser”
Figure skater Michelle Kwan graduated from the University of Denver on Saturday with a degree in international studies. She finished with a GPA of 4.0, 4.0, 3.9, 4.0, and from the Russian judge… 2.6.
Happy Birthday to Joan Rivers, she turned 76 today. And Happy 10th Birthday to Joan's eyelids.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Biden Goofs On Cars Using Hudson Rail Tunnel
TRENTON, N.J. -- Vice President Joe Biden is off track about the nation's largest transportation project.
When questioned by The Record of Bergen County about the Hudson River rail tunnel during a conference call on Monday, Biden told the New Jersey newspaper the tunnel "is designed to provide for automobile traffic."
However, the tunnel will only handle commuter trains that shuttle passengers between New Jersey and Manhattan.
Biden's office said Tuesday the vice president misheard the question.
Biden's press secretary, Elizabeth Alexander, says the vice president is a big proponent of rail and worked hard to boost funding for the project.
Officials broke ground on the $8.7 billion project on Monday.
TRENTON, N.J. -- Vice President Joe Biden is off track about the nation's largest transportation project.
When questioned by The Record of Bergen County about the Hudson River rail tunnel during a conference call on Monday, Biden told the New Jersey newspaper the tunnel "is designed to provide for automobile traffic."
However, the tunnel will only handle commuter trains that shuttle passengers between New Jersey and Manhattan.
Biden's office said Tuesday the vice president misheard the question.
Biden's press secretary, Elizabeth Alexander, says the vice president is a big proponent of rail and worked hard to boost funding for the project.
Officials broke ground on the $8.7 billion project on Monday.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Playboy Writer Targets Conservative Women
A writer for Playboy magazine lists 10 conservative women that he says are worthy of an anger-fueled sex act.
"There is a way to reach across the aisle without letting principles fall by the wayside. ... We may despise everything these women represent, but ... they’re hot. Let the healing begin," wrote Guy Cimbalo.
Rep. Michele Bachmann
Michelle Malkin
Megyn Kelly
Mary Katharine Ham
Amanda Carpenter
Elisabeth Hasselbeck
Dana Perino
Laura Ingraham
Pamela Geller
Peggy Noonan
Playboy's Web site has pulled the article.
A writer for Playboy magazine lists 10 conservative women that he says are worthy of an anger-fueled sex act.
"There is a way to reach across the aisle without letting principles fall by the wayside. ... We may despise everything these women represent, but ... they’re hot. Let the healing begin," wrote Guy Cimbalo.
Rep. Michele Bachmann
Michelle Malkin
Megyn Kelly
Mary Katharine Ham
Amanda Carpenter
Elisabeth Hasselbeck
Dana Perino
Laura Ingraham
Pamela Geller
Peggy Noonan
Playboy's Web site has pulled the article.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Conan O'Brien
-President Obama gave an historic speech yesterday in Egypt. President Obama impressed listeners by beginning his speech with the traditional Islamic greeting, "assalaamu alaykum.” It was especially impressive, because a year ago, President Bush opened with “Shalom, Amigos
-President Obama gave a speech at Egypt’s Cairo University. The crowd at Cairo University loved Obama’s speech – especially the joke he made about their rival Cairo State.
-Today is National Donut Day. Or as Kirstie Alley calls it, “Friday.”
-Big entertainment news—it’s being reported that a movie version of the classic board game “Battleship” is in the works. Producers say the “Battleship” movie will capture all the excitement of a letter and number being read aloud.
-Paula Abdul is in the news. Paula Abdul is still negotiating her ‘American Idol' contract. It could take a while, because she’s negotiating it with the voices in her head and a lamppost.
-This is big ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow the Post Office is giving the area around Dodger Stadium its own zip code and renaming it Dodgertown. They’re also going to rename the area around where the Clippers play, “Suckville”.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Worst Summer Jobs
10. Octomom babysitter
9. Mel Gibson divorce lawyer
8. Assistant in charge of applying sunscreen to Rush Limbaugh
7. Susan Boyle groomer
6. Second assistant in charge of applying sunscreen to Rush Limbaugh
5. Dick Cheney hunting buddy (4th year on the list)
4. 'Jon & Kate Plus 8' marriage counselor
3. No number 3 - writer left to work for Conan
2. General Motors CEO
1. Proofreader for George W. Bush's memoir
David Letterman
“President Obama is continuing his World tour. Yesterday he was in Egypt. Did you see that? He visited the pyramids of Giza and called them “awe-inspiring.” That was an improvement over President Bush’s tour of the pyramids - he called them “pointy.”
“Happy Birthday to Kenny G, who turned 53 today. He had a huge birthday party in one of New York’s hottest elevators. ”
“The season premiere of “Weeds” is this Monday. Or if you’re in college, it premieres tonight, tomorrow morning, maybe after English class, or in your friend’s basement.”
“A nude photo of Carla Bruni – the first lady of France – sold at an auction Thursday for over $19,000. The buyer reportedly said (in Bill Clinton voice) “Worth. Every. Penny.””
“The 63rd Annual Tony Awards are this Sunday – right across the street at Radio City Music Hall. It’s exciting - old gay people have already started tailgating.” “Instead of frisbees, they toss around Barbra Streisand Records.” “Doing shots of sparkling JagerMeister.” “I saw one guy funneling white Zinfandel.”
“Congratulations to Randy Johnson for winning his 300th game last night. He’s 45 years old and still pitching. Amazing. He's also leads the league in Runs to the Bathroom.”
“Today is National Doughnut Day. And tomorrow of course, is National “I can’t see my own penis” Day.”
“Did you see that new video of Britney Spears' 2- and 3-year-old sons dancing to her song "Toxic?” It’s super cute. But you can tell Kevin Federline’s their Dad - halfway through the song they stop dancing - and ask Britney for money.”
Conan O'Brien
-President Obama gave an historic speech yesterday in Egypt. President Obama impressed listeners by beginning his speech with the traditional Islamic greeting, "assalaamu alaykum.” It was especially impressive, because a year ago, President Bush opened with “Shalom, Amigos
-President Obama gave a speech at Egypt’s Cairo University. The crowd at Cairo University loved Obama’s speech – especially the joke he made about their rival Cairo State.
-Today is National Donut Day. Or as Kirstie Alley calls it, “Friday.”
-Big entertainment news—it’s being reported that a movie version of the classic board game “Battleship” is in the works. Producers say the “Battleship” movie will capture all the excitement of a letter and number being read aloud.
-Paula Abdul is in the news. Paula Abdul is still negotiating her ‘American Idol' contract. It could take a while, because she’s negotiating it with the voices in her head and a lamppost.
-This is big ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow the Post Office is giving the area around Dodger Stadium its own zip code and renaming it Dodgertown. They’re also going to rename the area around where the Clippers play, “Suckville”.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Worst Summer Jobs
10. Octomom babysitter
9. Mel Gibson divorce lawyer
8. Assistant in charge of applying sunscreen to Rush Limbaugh
7. Susan Boyle groomer
6. Second assistant in charge of applying sunscreen to Rush Limbaugh
5. Dick Cheney hunting buddy (4th year on the list)
4. 'Jon & Kate Plus 8' marriage counselor
3. No number 3 - writer left to work for Conan
2. General Motors CEO
1. Proofreader for George W. Bush's memoir
David Letterman
“President Obama is continuing his World tour. Yesterday he was in Egypt. Did you see that? He visited the pyramids of Giza and called them “awe-inspiring.” That was an improvement over President Bush’s tour of the pyramids - he called them “pointy.”
“Happy Birthday to Kenny G, who turned 53 today. He had a huge birthday party in one of New York’s hottest elevators. ”
“The season premiere of “Weeds” is this Monday. Or if you’re in college, it premieres tonight, tomorrow morning, maybe after English class, or in your friend’s basement.”
“A nude photo of Carla Bruni – the first lady of France – sold at an auction Thursday for over $19,000. The buyer reportedly said (in Bill Clinton voice) “Worth. Every. Penny.””
“The 63rd Annual Tony Awards are this Sunday – right across the street at Radio City Music Hall. It’s exciting - old gay people have already started tailgating.” “Instead of frisbees, they toss around Barbra Streisand Records.” “Doing shots of sparkling JagerMeister.” “I saw one guy funneling white Zinfandel.”
“Congratulations to Randy Johnson for winning his 300th game last night. He’s 45 years old and still pitching. Amazing. He's also leads the league in Runs to the Bathroom.”
“Today is National Doughnut Day. And tomorrow of course, is National “I can’t see my own penis” Day.”
“Did you see that new video of Britney Spears' 2- and 3-year-old sons dancing to her song "Toxic?” It’s super cute. But you can tell Kevin Federline’s their Dad - halfway through the song they stop dancing - and ask Britney for money.”
