Sunday, September 30, 2007
Bush Held Secret Iran Meeting
Neoconservative guru Norman Podhoretz met secretly with President Bush and urged him to attack Iran before it can acquire nuclear weapons.
The meeting last spring in New York was not logged on the president’s schedule. But Podhoretz, whose new book is “World War IV: The Long Struggle Against Islamofascism,” disclosed details of the meeting in an interview with Britain’s Sunday Times.
“I urged Bush to take action against the Iranian nuclear facilities and explained why I thought there was no alternative,” he said. “I laid out the worst-case scenario – bombing Iran – versus the worse-case consequences of allowing the Iranians to get the bomb.
“He gave not the slightest indication of whether he agreed with me, but he listened very intently.”
The threat of Iran producing nuclear weapons became even more urgent last week when President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said at the United Nations that the dispute over Iran’s nuclear program is now “closed.”
At his meeting with the president, Podhoretz said, he told Bush that he has “the awesome responsibility” of averting another holocaust.
Podhoretz told the Times he is convinced Bush won’t leave office with Iran having acquired nuclear weapons or the capability of producing them, and added that the president “believes that if we wait for threats to fully materialize, we’ll have waited too long – something I agree with 100 percent.”
Podhoretz, 77, has joined Rudy Giuliani’s presidential campaign as a senior foreign policy adviser.
Giuliani said recently that he would not tolerate a nuclear-armed Iran.
Neoconservative guru Norman Podhoretz met secretly with President Bush and urged him to attack Iran before it can acquire nuclear weapons.
The meeting last spring in New York was not logged on the president’s schedule. But Podhoretz, whose new book is “World War IV: The Long Struggle Against Islamofascism,” disclosed details of the meeting in an interview with Britain’s Sunday Times.
“I urged Bush to take action against the Iranian nuclear facilities and explained why I thought there was no alternative,” he said. “I laid out the worst-case scenario – bombing Iran – versus the worse-case consequences of allowing the Iranians to get the bomb.
“He gave not the slightest indication of whether he agreed with me, but he listened very intently.”
The threat of Iran producing nuclear weapons became even more urgent last week when President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said at the United Nations that the dispute over Iran’s nuclear program is now “closed.”
At his meeting with the president, Podhoretz said, he told Bush that he has “the awesome responsibility” of averting another holocaust.
Podhoretz told the Times he is convinced Bush won’t leave office with Iran having acquired nuclear weapons or the capability of producing them, and added that the president “believes that if we wait for threats to fully materialize, we’ll have waited too long – something I agree with 100 percent.”
Podhoretz, 77, has joined Rudy Giuliani’s presidential campaign as a senior foreign policy adviser.
Giuliani said recently that he would not tolerate a nuclear-armed Iran.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Murtha to Testify in Defamation Case
A Marine Corps sergeant accuses the 16-term congressman of falsely accusing him of "cold-blooded murder and war crimes" in connection with the deaths of Iraqi civilians.
The Justice Department wanted the case dismissed because Murtha was acting in his official role as a lawmaker. Assistant U.S. Attorney John F. Henault said the comments were made as part of the debate over the war in Iraq.
U.S. District Judge Rosemary M. Collyer said the congressman might be right, but said she won't know for sure unless Murtha explains himself. She did not set a date for Murtha's testimony but said she would also require him to turn over documents related to his comments.
Collyer said she was troubled by the idea the lawmakers are immune from lawsuits regardless of what they say to advance their political careers.
A Marine Corps sergeant accuses the 16-term congressman of falsely accusing him of "cold-blooded murder and war crimes" in connection with the deaths of Iraqi civilians.
The Justice Department wanted the case dismissed because Murtha was acting in his official role as a lawmaker. Assistant U.S. Attorney John F. Henault said the comments were made as part of the debate over the war in Iraq.
U.S. District Judge Rosemary M. Collyer said the congressman might be right, but said she won't know for sure unless Murtha explains himself. She did not set a date for Murtha's testimony but said she would also require him to turn over documents related to his comments.
Collyer said she was troubled by the idea the lawmakers are immune from lawsuits regardless of what they say to advance their political careers.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
In Chicago, a couple who are huge Cubs fans named their new baby Wrigley Field. And here in Los Angeles, a couple who are huge Dodgers fans they just named their new baby Missed The Playoffs Again.
The president of Iran was the laughing stock of the world when he said that there are no homosexuals in Iran. In fact, when he got on the flight to go back home, the male flight attendant didn’t speak to him the whole way.
In an upcoming interview, in the gay magazine The Advocate, Hillary Clinton says the rumors about her being a lesbian are not true; she says she has never had sex with a woman no matter how many times Bill Clinton has begged her to.
A study out of Temple University says that prenatal smoking does not hurt kids’ test scores. Isn’t that amazing? I had no idea that kids were smoking in the womb.
David Letterman
Here in New York City, you can tell it’s autumn — you can see the colors change from brown to gold to yellow to rust — and that’s just the tap water.
Here at CBS you can tell it’s autumn — they were raking Andy Rooney’s eyebrows.
It’s premiere week. All the new fall television shows are on the air. On one of the shows, the "Ghost Whisperer," the ghost whisperer runs errands for dead people. And tonight, she helped pitch a game show for Merv Griffin.
CBS has some tremendous programs — don’t miss CSI O.J.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Buying A $14,500 Dessert
10. "Does my kid really need a college education?"
9. "Do I get to keep the plate?"
8. "May I leave off the second 'S' in 'dessert' for savings?"
7. "Is this why the terrorists hate us?"
6. "What would Leona Helmsley's dog do?"
5. "Should I save $14,499 and get a kit kat bar?"
4. "Why?"
3. "How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?"
1. "Do I really want to be fat and a dumbass?"
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s president still making news. He has invited President Bush to speak at an Iranian university. After hearing this, President Bush said, “Maybe I’ll come when you guys play Notre Dame."
When he was a child, he changed his name; which means Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is not even his real name. Turns out he was born Stephanie Delgado.
Here’s an interesting story: It turns out that when the U.S. invaded Iraq, Saddam Hussein said that he would quit the presidency and leave the country if he were given $1 billion. When he heard this, President Bush said, “Hell, I’ll do it for 10 grand.”
The Israeli police announced that they will no longer arrest first-time drug users. When he heard this, Snoop Dogg said, “Shalom.”
Craig Ferguson
Microsoft announced they may buy CISCO for $10 billion. How much money is $10 billion? Well, if you take what I earn, and add about $10 billion . . .
You know what else? The Sex Pistols have announced they’re reuniting for the 30th anniversary of their album. It’s their 30th anniversary. They’re album was called, “Never Mind the Bollocks.” Mind my bollocks, because I’m tripping over them right now.
CBS premiers its new shows tonight. On the "Ghost Whisperer," Jennifer Love-Hewitt plays a sexy ghost who solves crimes with her enormous, uh, friends. Between Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Drew Carey, CBS has got the biggest boobs on television.
A lot of the new shows have the supernatural element about them. That show the “Reaper,” is all about people who sell their souls to the devil. I liked it better when it was called “The Apprentice.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
James Blunt is our guest tonight. I ran into him backstage and he said that I was a fat pig . . . he really is very blunt.
The annual Forbes “TV 20” list is out. This is the list of the highest-paid TV personalities. And believe it or not, No. 1 is Oprah Winfrey . . . whoever that is.
Big day in the world of celebrity smells. Both Paris Hilton’s and Britney Spears’ new fragrances came out. Paris’ is called “Can-Can,” which is where she just went-went, and Britney’s is called “Believe.”
Jay Leno
In Chicago, a couple who are huge Cubs fans named their new baby Wrigley Field. And here in Los Angeles, a couple who are huge Dodgers fans they just named their new baby Missed The Playoffs Again.
The president of Iran was the laughing stock of the world when he said that there are no homosexuals in Iran. In fact, when he got on the flight to go back home, the male flight attendant didn’t speak to him the whole way.
In an upcoming interview, in the gay magazine The Advocate, Hillary Clinton says the rumors about her being a lesbian are not true; she says she has never had sex with a woman no matter how many times Bill Clinton has begged her to.
A study out of Temple University says that prenatal smoking does not hurt kids’ test scores. Isn’t that amazing? I had no idea that kids were smoking in the womb.
David Letterman
Here in New York City, you can tell it’s autumn — you can see the colors change from brown to gold to yellow to rust — and that’s just the tap water.
Here at CBS you can tell it’s autumn — they were raking Andy Rooney’s eyebrows.
It’s premiere week. All the new fall television shows are on the air. On one of the shows, the "Ghost Whisperer," the ghost whisperer runs errands for dead people. And tonight, she helped pitch a game show for Merv Griffin.
CBS has some tremendous programs — don’t miss CSI O.J.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Buying A $14,500 Dessert
10. "Does my kid really need a college education?"
9. "Do I get to keep the plate?"
8. "May I leave off the second 'S' in 'dessert' for savings?"
7. "Is this why the terrorists hate us?"
6. "What would Leona Helmsley's dog do?"
5. "Should I save $14,499 and get a kit kat bar?"
4. "Why?"
3. "How am I going to explain this to Fred Nigro?"
1. "Do I really want to be fat and a dumbass?"
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s president still making news. He has invited President Bush to speak at an Iranian university. After hearing this, President Bush said, “Maybe I’ll come when you guys play Notre Dame."
When he was a child, he changed his name; which means Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is not even his real name. Turns out he was born Stephanie Delgado.
Here’s an interesting story: It turns out that when the U.S. invaded Iraq, Saddam Hussein said that he would quit the presidency and leave the country if he were given $1 billion. When he heard this, President Bush said, “Hell, I’ll do it for 10 grand.”
The Israeli police announced that they will no longer arrest first-time drug users. When he heard this, Snoop Dogg said, “Shalom.”
Craig Ferguson
Microsoft announced they may buy CISCO for $10 billion. How much money is $10 billion? Well, if you take what I earn, and add about $10 billion . . .
You know what else? The Sex Pistols have announced they’re reuniting for the 30th anniversary of their album. It’s their 30th anniversary. They’re album was called, “Never Mind the Bollocks.” Mind my bollocks, because I’m tripping over them right now.
CBS premiers its new shows tonight. On the "Ghost Whisperer," Jennifer Love-Hewitt plays a sexy ghost who solves crimes with her enormous, uh, friends. Between Jennifer Love-Hewitt and Drew Carey, CBS has got the biggest boobs on television.
A lot of the new shows have the supernatural element about them. That show the “Reaper,” is all about people who sell their souls to the devil. I liked it better when it was called “The Apprentice.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
James Blunt is our guest tonight. I ran into him backstage and he said that I was a fat pig . . . he really is very blunt.
The annual Forbes “TV 20” list is out. This is the list of the highest-paid TV personalities. And believe it or not, No. 1 is Oprah Winfrey . . . whoever that is.
Big day in the world of celebrity smells. Both Paris Hilton’s and Britney Spears’ new fragrances came out. Paris’ is called “Can-Can,” which is where she just went-went, and Britney’s is called “Believe.”
Friday, September 28, 2007
Clinton: $5,000 for Every U.S. Baby
Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton said Friday that every child born in the United States should get a $5,000 "baby bond" from the government to help pay for future costs of college or buying a home.
Clinton, her party's front-runner in the 2008 race, made the suggestion during a forum hosted by the Congressional Black Caucus.
"I like the idea of giving every baby born in America a $5,000 account that will grow over time, so that when that young person turns 18 if they have finished high school they will be able to access it to go to college or maybe they will be able to make that downpayment on their first home," she said.
The New York senator did not offer any estimate of the total cost of such a program or how she would pay for it. Approximately 4 million babies are born each year in the United States.
Clinton said such an account program would help Americans get back to the tradition of savings that she remembers as a child, and has become harder to accomplish in the face of rising college and housing costs.
She argued that wealthy people "get to have all kinds of tax incentives to save, but most people can't afford to do that."
The proposal was met with enthusiastic applause at an event aimed to encourage young people to excel and engage in politics.
"I think it's a wonderful idea," said Rep. Stephanie Stubbs Jones, an Ohio Democrat who attended the event and has already endorsed Clinton. "Every child born in the United States today owes $27,000 on the national debt, why not let them come get $5,000 to grow until their 18?"
Britain launched a similar program in January 2005, handing out vouchers worth hundreds of dollars each to parents with children born after Sept. 1, 2002.
Earlier this month, Time magazine proposed a $5,000 baby bond program.
Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton said Friday that every child born in the United States should get a $5,000 "baby bond" from the government to help pay for future costs of college or buying a home.
Clinton, her party's front-runner in the 2008 race, made the suggestion during a forum hosted by the Congressional Black Caucus.
"I like the idea of giving every baby born in America a $5,000 account that will grow over time, so that when that young person turns 18 if they have finished high school they will be able to access it to go to college or maybe they will be able to make that downpayment on their first home," she said.
The New York senator did not offer any estimate of the total cost of such a program or how she would pay for it. Approximately 4 million babies are born each year in the United States.
Clinton said such an account program would help Americans get back to the tradition of savings that she remembers as a child, and has become harder to accomplish in the face of rising college and housing costs.
She argued that wealthy people "get to have all kinds of tax incentives to save, but most people can't afford to do that."
The proposal was met with enthusiastic applause at an event aimed to encourage young people to excel and engage in politics.
"I think it's a wonderful idea," said Rep. Stephanie Stubbs Jones, an Ohio Democrat who attended the event and has already endorsed Clinton. "Every child born in the United States today owes $27,000 on the national debt, why not let them come get $5,000 to grow until their 18?"
Britain launched a similar program in January 2005, handing out vouchers worth hundreds of dollars each to parents with children born after Sept. 1, 2002.
Earlier this month, Time magazine proposed a $5,000 baby bond program.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
There is a mistrial in the Phil Spector murder case. The jury could not find Spector guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. You know something? I’m beginning to doubt we can find a reasonable jury.
Last night was the premier of the big show “Dancing Around the Issues,” otherwise known as the Democratic presidential debate.
You get the government you deserve. If you watched, the three Democratic front-runners said last night . . . Hillary, Barack, John Edwards . . . that setting a timeline for complete withdrawal is irresponsible, because you can’t project what the future situation will be in Iraq and pulling troops out basically depends on the situation on the ground . . . otherwise known as the Bush plan!
Arnold Schwarzenegger got together with Al Gore for a climate change summit. Even though he's a Republican and Al Gore's a Democrat, it's good they could talk robot to robot. Two cyborgs connecting.
David Letterman
While he was here, Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said there are no homosexuals in Iran. So what they’re going to do now, they’re going to develop one of their own.
No gays in Iran. That’s why you have to go all the way to Turkey for a facial.
That’s why you have to go to Jordan to look at drapes.
That’s why you have to go to Syria to get a decent perm.
Conan O'Brien
Last night was the eighth Democratic debate. Some political experts were shocked at how much the other candidates went after Hillary Clinton. Even more shocking was when Bill Clinton yelled, “Get her!”
Speaking of Bill Clinton, yesterday at a global conference for poverty and education, former President Bill Clinton met with actress Angelina Jolie. Before the meeting, Clinton looked himself in the mirror, took a deep breath, and said, “Bill, this is the moment you’ve been training for your whole life.”
Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich said he supports lowering the voting age to 16. Not only that, he supports lowering the lever in the voting booth so he can reach it.
The U.S. Treasury is issuing a new five dollar bill, with a much larger, easy-to-read five on it. Thanks to the large print, the five dollar bill will retain its status as the official birthday gift from old people.
Craig Ferguson
Bad news for Michael Vick: Yesterday he tested positive for marijuana. He’ll definitely do jail time now. That’s it. All the dogs across America are going, “Whoa. We’re safe.”
The new “Guinness Book of World Records” is out tomorrow. It has a new cover. I like the old cover, really. The one with two fat guys riding motorcycles. I like fat people, with their big bellies, tiny hooves . . .
I used to be on the “Drew Carey Show.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
President Bush was at a school in New York yesterday, talking about his commitment to education. Here’s what he said: “As yesterday’s progress report shows, childrens do learn.” It’s part of the No Childs Left Behind program.
There was a debate for Republican presidential candidates in Baltimore. It focused on minority issues. Giuliani, McCain, and Thompson didn’t show up. Apparently they all had scheduling conflicts that prevented them from going to a place where no one will vote for them.
Sharon Osbourne and Courtney Love have been feuding. Sharon Osbourne told a reporter that Courtney got her son Jack addicted to oxycontin when he was 15 years old. In a way, you have to blame the Osbournes for not teaching their kids about the dangers of Courtney Love.
Jay Leno
There is a mistrial in the Phil Spector murder case. The jury could not find Spector guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. You know something? I’m beginning to doubt we can find a reasonable jury.
Last night was the premier of the big show “Dancing Around the Issues,” otherwise known as the Democratic presidential debate.
You get the government you deserve. If you watched, the three Democratic front-runners said last night . . . Hillary, Barack, John Edwards . . . that setting a timeline for complete withdrawal is irresponsible, because you can’t project what the future situation will be in Iraq and pulling troops out basically depends on the situation on the ground . . . otherwise known as the Bush plan!
Arnold Schwarzenegger got together with Al Gore for a climate change summit. Even though he's a Republican and Al Gore's a Democrat, it's good they could talk robot to robot. Two cyborgs connecting.
David Letterman
While he was here, Iran’s president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said there are no homosexuals in Iran. So what they’re going to do now, they’re going to develop one of their own.
No gays in Iran. That’s why you have to go all the way to Turkey for a facial.
That’s why you have to go to Jordan to look at drapes.
That’s why you have to go to Syria to get a decent perm.
Conan O'Brien
Last night was the eighth Democratic debate. Some political experts were shocked at how much the other candidates went after Hillary Clinton. Even more shocking was when Bill Clinton yelled, “Get her!”
Speaking of Bill Clinton, yesterday at a global conference for poverty and education, former President Bill Clinton met with actress Angelina Jolie. Before the meeting, Clinton looked himself in the mirror, took a deep breath, and said, “Bill, this is the moment you’ve been training for your whole life.”
Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich said he supports lowering the voting age to 16. Not only that, he supports lowering the lever in the voting booth so he can reach it.
The U.S. Treasury is issuing a new five dollar bill, with a much larger, easy-to-read five on it. Thanks to the large print, the five dollar bill will retain its status as the official birthday gift from old people.
Craig Ferguson
Bad news for Michael Vick: Yesterday he tested positive for marijuana. He’ll definitely do jail time now. That’s it. All the dogs across America are going, “Whoa. We’re safe.”
The new “Guinness Book of World Records” is out tomorrow. It has a new cover. I like the old cover, really. The one with two fat guys riding motorcycles. I like fat people, with their big bellies, tiny hooves . . .
I used to be on the “Drew Carey Show.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
President Bush was at a school in New York yesterday, talking about his commitment to education. Here’s what he said: “As yesterday’s progress report shows, childrens do learn.” It’s part of the No Childs Left Behind program.
There was a debate for Republican presidential candidates in Baltimore. It focused on minority issues. Giuliani, McCain, and Thompson didn’t show up. Apparently they all had scheduling conflicts that prevented them from going to a place where no one will vote for them.
Sharon Osbourne and Courtney Love have been feuding. Sharon Osbourne told a reporter that Courtney got her son Jack addicted to oxycontin when he was 15 years old. In a way, you have to blame the Osbournes for not teaching their kids about the dangers of Courtney Love.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Hillary Backed Israel’s Syria Attack
Hillary Clinton said she strongly supported Israel’s reported air strike on a suspected nuclear facility in Syria.
During a presidential debate on NBC Wednesday night, the Democratic hopeful said: “What we think we know is that with North Korean help, financial and technical and material, the Syrians apparently were putting together, and perhaps over some period of years, a nuclear facility, and the Israelis took it out. I strongly support that.”
As NewsMax disclosed earlier, reports surfaced that Israel had launched an air attack against a site in Syria believed to be a nuclear-related facility containing material delivered by North Korea.
The Sept. 6 air strike was carried out several days after a ship with North Korean cargo docked in a Syrian port, according to American and Israeli officials. The cargo was transferred to the site Israel later attacked, the officials told the New York Times.
At the debate, Clinton also defended her Senate vote earlier that day calling for Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps to be designated a foreign terrorist organization.
Fellow candidate Mike Gravel said he was “ashamed” of her vote, calling the non-binding Senate resolution “essentially a fig leaf to let George Bush go to war with Iran.”
But Clinton argued that the Guard Corps was “promoting terrorism” by aiding insurgents in Iraq and supporting Hezbollah and Hamas, the Jerusalem Post reported.
She said that designating the group as a terrorist organization would “give us the options to be able to impose sanctions on the primary leaders.”
Democratic Senators and presidential candidates Joe Biden and Chris Dodd voted against the resolution, and John Edwards criticized it. Barack Obama abstained from the Senate vote.
Hillary Clinton said she strongly supported Israel’s reported air strike on a suspected nuclear facility in Syria.
During a presidential debate on NBC Wednesday night, the Democratic hopeful said: “What we think we know is that with North Korean help, financial and technical and material, the Syrians apparently were putting together, and perhaps over some period of years, a nuclear facility, and the Israelis took it out. I strongly support that.”
As NewsMax disclosed earlier, reports surfaced that Israel had launched an air attack against a site in Syria believed to be a nuclear-related facility containing material delivered by North Korea.
The Sept. 6 air strike was carried out several days after a ship with North Korean cargo docked in a Syrian port, according to American and Israeli officials. The cargo was transferred to the site Israel later attacked, the officials told the New York Times.
At the debate, Clinton also defended her Senate vote earlier that day calling for Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps to be designated a foreign terrorist organization.
Fellow candidate Mike Gravel said he was “ashamed” of her vote, calling the non-binding Senate resolution “essentially a fig leaf to let George Bush go to war with Iran.”
But Clinton argued that the Guard Corps was “promoting terrorism” by aiding insurgents in Iraq and supporting Hezbollah and Hamas, the Jerusalem Post reported.
She said that designating the group as a terrorist organization would “give us the options to be able to impose sanctions on the primary leaders.”
Democratic Senators and presidential candidates Joe Biden and Chris Dodd voted against the resolution, and John Edwards criticized it. Barack Obama abstained from the Senate vote.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
This Saturday in Washington D.C. they will hold the 7th Annual National Book Festival. First lady Laura Bush will deliver a speech about the joy of reading, and President Bush will give the rebuttal.
It’s official — Congress now has the lowest approval rating of any Congress in the history of the United States. It is just 11 percent. In fact, their approval rating is so low, today they were invited to speak at Columbia University.
Advertisers have announced plans to put up giant billboards at the runway at LAX so passengers can read them while sitting on the plane on the runway. They say it’s a way to reach people who come to visit L.A. . . . If you want to reach millions of people who are coming to L.A., put the sign up at the border.
More trouble for Britney Spears. She was charged with not having a valid California driver’s license. You know why Britney didn’t have a license here in California? Because she’s here legally.
David Letterman
This just in: The weather bureau has announced that autumn has been postponed until January.
So nice today, Iranian President Ahmadinejad said he was enriching Jamba Juice.
This is a historic night: The entire balcony is filled with gay Iranians.
Here’s good news: President Bush says he has a plan to stop Iran’s nuclear program. He’s going to have O.J. steal Iran’s plutonium.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Baby Is Too Fat
10. She has your eyes and Barry Bonds' head
9. Doctor says, "It's a . . . Good Lord!"
8. "Baby carriage" is a forklift
7. The kid's got more chins than fingers
6. Incubator littered with baby back ribs
5. Local news crew shows up thinking a baby elephant has been born
4. His pacifier is a stick of butter
3. Nevermind a c-section, you had a d-section! I tell you, folks, that's one fat baby!
2. First word: Bacon
1. Twice a day the kid gets mistaken for Rosie O'Donnell
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s President Ahmadinejad insisted that Iran has freedom of the press. He says there are 30 newspapers there that oppose the government. So if you’re keeping track, that’s 30 opposition newspapers and zero gay people.
Last night Ahmadinejad invited several reporters over to his hotel for dinner. Apparently it went well, because early this morning, Barbara Walters was seen leaving in the same clothes.
The organizers of Hillary Clinton’s campaign are sponsoring a contest where the winner gets to watch a Democratic debate while sitting next to Bill Clinton. The rules specify no members of the press and no fat chicks.
In Russia, a woman gave birth to a 17-pound baby boy. The 17-pound baby has his mother’s eyes and his father’s pants.
Craig Ferguson
It’s a great day for Phil Spector. He got a mistrial. The jury was spilt 10-2. Ten were in favor of conviction, two were in favor of bringing back the afro wig.
It’s a great day — Mahmoud Ahmadinejad finally went home. He was hilarious. He topped himself by saying if anyone knows of homosexuals living in Iran, he would like their names and addresses. Here’s what we should do: write down your funniest gay name — Ben Dover, Pat MCGroin, Ryan Seacrest . . . and we’ll send it to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
We have a phone number we can include along with his address: 555 FIND GAY.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
On “Dancing With the Stars,” Josie Maran got the bedazzled boot. It happened so fast — one bad night of dancing and it’s all over. Like Britney Spears.
Even worse news for her partner, who is being shipped back home to his home country in a container ship.
Another celebrity murder trial has come to an end. Phil Spector was somehow able to score a mistrial. Apparently his history of sticking guns in women’s mouths was not enough to convince the jury. The jury was deadlocked 10-2. Some of the jury said they were confused after being presented with so many conflicting hairdos.
Paris Hilton has not forgotten the charity work she promised. She says she is going on a humanitarian mission to Rwanda. She is getting her inoculations right now, and actually, the Rwandans are getting their inoculations too.
Jay Leno
This Saturday in Washington D.C. they will hold the 7th Annual National Book Festival. First lady Laura Bush will deliver a speech about the joy of reading, and President Bush will give the rebuttal.
It’s official — Congress now has the lowest approval rating of any Congress in the history of the United States. It is just 11 percent. In fact, their approval rating is so low, today they were invited to speak at Columbia University.
Advertisers have announced plans to put up giant billboards at the runway at LAX so passengers can read them while sitting on the plane on the runway. They say it’s a way to reach people who come to visit L.A. . . . If you want to reach millions of people who are coming to L.A., put the sign up at the border.
More trouble for Britney Spears. She was charged with not having a valid California driver’s license. You know why Britney didn’t have a license here in California? Because she’s here legally.
David Letterman
This just in: The weather bureau has announced that autumn has been postponed until January.
So nice today, Iranian President Ahmadinejad said he was enriching Jamba Juice.
This is a historic night: The entire balcony is filled with gay Iranians.
Here’s good news: President Bush says he has a plan to stop Iran’s nuclear program. He’s going to have O.J. steal Iran’s plutonium.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Baby Is Too Fat
10. She has your eyes and Barry Bonds' head
9. Doctor says, "It's a . . . Good Lord!"
8. "Baby carriage" is a forklift
7. The kid's got more chins than fingers
6. Incubator littered with baby back ribs
5. Local news crew shows up thinking a baby elephant has been born
4. His pacifier is a stick of butter
3. Nevermind a c-section, you had a d-section! I tell you, folks, that's one fat baby!
2. First word: Bacon
1. Twice a day the kid gets mistaken for Rosie O'Donnell
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s President Ahmadinejad insisted that Iran has freedom of the press. He says there are 30 newspapers there that oppose the government. So if you’re keeping track, that’s 30 opposition newspapers and zero gay people.
Last night Ahmadinejad invited several reporters over to his hotel for dinner. Apparently it went well, because early this morning, Barbara Walters was seen leaving in the same clothes.
The organizers of Hillary Clinton’s campaign are sponsoring a contest where the winner gets to watch a Democratic debate while sitting next to Bill Clinton. The rules specify no members of the press and no fat chicks.
In Russia, a woman gave birth to a 17-pound baby boy. The 17-pound baby has his mother’s eyes and his father’s pants.
Craig Ferguson
It’s a great day for Phil Spector. He got a mistrial. The jury was spilt 10-2. Ten were in favor of conviction, two were in favor of bringing back the afro wig.
It’s a great day — Mahmoud Ahmadinejad finally went home. He was hilarious. He topped himself by saying if anyone knows of homosexuals living in Iran, he would like their names and addresses. Here’s what we should do: write down your funniest gay name — Ben Dover, Pat MCGroin, Ryan Seacrest . . . and we’ll send it to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
We have a phone number we can include along with his address: 555 FIND GAY.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
On “Dancing With the Stars,” Josie Maran got the bedazzled boot. It happened so fast — one bad night of dancing and it’s all over. Like Britney Spears.
Even worse news for her partner, who is being shipped back home to his home country in a container ship.
Another celebrity murder trial has come to an end. Phil Spector was somehow able to score a mistrial. Apparently his history of sticking guns in women’s mouths was not enough to convince the jury. The jury was deadlocked 10-2. Some of the jury said they were confused after being presented with so many conflicting hairdos.
Paris Hilton has not forgotten the charity work she promised. She says she is going on a humanitarian mission to Rwanda. She is getting her inoculations right now, and actually, the Rwandans are getting their inoculations too.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Obama Camp Plays Down Wife's Comment
DES MOINES, Iowa -- The campaign of Democrat Barack Obama moved quickly Thursday to dampen any expectations raised by Michelle Obama who said this week that her husband has to win Iowa.
Most polls in Iowa show the Illinois senator in a tight race with Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and John Edwards. During a visit Wednesday to Davenport, Iowa, Michelle Obama commented on the importance of a strong showing in the caucuses.
"Iowa will make the difference," she said. "If Barack doesn't win Iowa, it is just a dream. If we win Iowa then we can move to the world as it should be. And we need your help in making that happen."
Typically, meeting expectations in Iowa is nearly as important as who actually wins, so candidates are careful about their public comments on the importance they place on a victory.
On Thursday, Obama's campaign made it clear that they were optimistic about their chances in Iowa but didn't consider it essential that they win.
"Every campaign has said it's important to do well in Iowa, and that's our goal," said Tommy Vietor, a spokesman for Obama's Iowa campaign.
Vietor said the campaign will continue, regardless of his showing in Iowa.
Spokesmen for Clinton and Edwards also declined to predict how their candidates would do.
"We are not setting any expectations for ourselves," said Mark Daley, a spokesman for the New York senator's Iowa campaign. "Obviously we hope to be successful in Iowa." He declined to describe what "successful" would mean.
Historically, three candidates from each party remain viable after Iowa, with those who finish fourth or worse losing steam and quitting the race relatively soon. That process could be even faster this cycle because of a compressed campaign schedule that's jammed a series of primaries and caucuses earlier in the calendar.
DES MOINES, Iowa -- The campaign of Democrat Barack Obama moved quickly Thursday to dampen any expectations raised by Michelle Obama who said this week that her husband has to win Iowa.
Most polls in Iowa show the Illinois senator in a tight race with Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and John Edwards. During a visit Wednesday to Davenport, Iowa, Michelle Obama commented on the importance of a strong showing in the caucuses.
"Iowa will make the difference," she said. "If Barack doesn't win Iowa, it is just a dream. If we win Iowa then we can move to the world as it should be. And we need your help in making that happen."
Typically, meeting expectations in Iowa is nearly as important as who actually wins, so candidates are careful about their public comments on the importance they place on a victory.
On Thursday, Obama's campaign made it clear that they were optimistic about their chances in Iowa but didn't consider it essential that they win.
"Every campaign has said it's important to do well in Iowa, and that's our goal," said Tommy Vietor, a spokesman for Obama's Iowa campaign.
Vietor said the campaign will continue, regardless of his showing in Iowa.
Spokesmen for Clinton and Edwards also declined to predict how their candidates would do.
"We are not setting any expectations for ourselves," said Mark Daley, a spokesman for the New York senator's Iowa campaign. "Obviously we hope to be successful in Iowa." He declined to describe what "successful" would mean.
Historically, three candidates from each party remain viable after Iowa, with those who finish fourth or worse losing steam and quitting the race relatively soon. That process could be even faster this cycle because of a compressed campaign schedule that's jammed a series of primaries and caucuses earlier in the calendar.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Yesterday at Columbia University was Take Your Insane Dictator to Work day.
There was a lot of controversy about him speaking there. I have to admit, I didn’t like it. If he wants to condemn this country and our president, you do it the proper way — you win an Academy Award.
As you know, the Iranian president said a lot of stupid things yesterday — my favorite was when he said, “There are no homosexuals in Iran.” Today, Idaho Sen. Larry Craig volunteered to go over there on an ass-finding mission.
In a recent interview former President Bill Clinton was asked how he would handle being a “first husband.” If Hillary gets elected that would be his title. He said he would have no problem being a first husband. Being a husband first — that’s a problem.
David Letterman
So nice today, O.J. Simpson was stealing sun block.
It was so nice that the United Nations canceled the global warming conference and went to the beach.
The California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was also at the U.N. summit. He did not speak — they just needed him to move a podium.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad — according to this guy, there are no homosexuals in Iran. I guess that explains the pathetic state of their musical theatre.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard During President Ahmadinejad's Trip to New York City
10. "Being here makes me realize how much I miss torturing dissidents"
9. "I would like to meet 'Whoopi'"
8. "For a blood-thirsty madman, he dressed pretty sharp"
7. "Let's go to Mahmoud on the car phone who wants to talk about Notre Dame football"
4. "Death to overpriced midtown parking garages"
3. "Instead of dealing in terror, maybe we should look into this sugar business"
1. "I thought I was a prick, but then I met Donald Trump"
Conan O'Brien
Crazy time here in New York City. The president of Iran still in town. Yesterday he said his country doesn’t have problems with gay people because they don’t have homosexuals in Iran. Although Ahmadinejad did admit that sometimes one Iranian will take another Iranian’s penis hostage.
Apple launched its iPhone in Europe. It’s being criticized for not being European enough — it actually worked the entire month of August.
In Chicago, a couple who are Cubs fans have named their baby Wrigley Field. Apparently the couple expects their baby to be a lot of fun, but ultimately disappointing.
In Texas, pranksters threw a snake into the drive through window at a Taco Bell. Fortunately, the snake was immediately killed by all the rats in the kitchen.
Craig Ferguson
It’s the first day of fall. You can tell it’s getting a little colder here because Paris Hilton’s wearing underwear again . . .
Not such a great day for Kiefer Sutherland. He was arrested on DUI charges. He used the Lindsay Lohan defense: It was someone else’s alcohol in his blood.
New programming is premiering. I saw some funny shows last night. I saw a fantastic new comedian last night: the president of Iran.
Mahmoud I’m-a-dinner-jacket. He’s going to have to get a show-biz name . . . something nicer for the kids . . . MC Dinner-jacket. There you go.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Halo 3 came out today. It’s an online video game, which means while you’re playing, you get to meet other Halo fans from all over the world and kill them.
The president of Iran is in the United States. President Mahmoud A-Members-Only-jacket-jad addressed the United Nations.
He says there are no homosexuals in Iran. He looked very hard — he even placed personal ads.
Maybe if there were homosexuals in Iran he’d be better dressed.
Jay Leno
Yesterday at Columbia University was Take Your Insane Dictator to Work day.
There was a lot of controversy about him speaking there. I have to admit, I didn’t like it. If he wants to condemn this country and our president, you do it the proper way — you win an Academy Award.
As you know, the Iranian president said a lot of stupid things yesterday — my favorite was when he said, “There are no homosexuals in Iran.” Today, Idaho Sen. Larry Craig volunteered to go over there on an ass-finding mission.
In a recent interview former President Bill Clinton was asked how he would handle being a “first husband.” If Hillary gets elected that would be his title. He said he would have no problem being a first husband. Being a husband first — that’s a problem.
David Letterman
So nice today, O.J. Simpson was stealing sun block.
It was so nice that the United Nations canceled the global warming conference and went to the beach.
The California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was also at the U.N. summit. He did not speak — they just needed him to move a podium.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad — according to this guy, there are no homosexuals in Iran. I guess that explains the pathetic state of their musical theatre.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard During President Ahmadinejad's Trip to New York City
10. "Being here makes me realize how much I miss torturing dissidents"
9. "I would like to meet 'Whoopi'"
8. "For a blood-thirsty madman, he dressed pretty sharp"
7. "Let's go to Mahmoud on the car phone who wants to talk about Notre Dame football"
4. "Death to overpriced midtown parking garages"
3. "Instead of dealing in terror, maybe we should look into this sugar business"
1. "I thought I was a prick, but then I met Donald Trump"
Conan O'Brien
Crazy time here in New York City. The president of Iran still in town. Yesterday he said his country doesn’t have problems with gay people because they don’t have homosexuals in Iran. Although Ahmadinejad did admit that sometimes one Iranian will take another Iranian’s penis hostage.
Apple launched its iPhone in Europe. It’s being criticized for not being European enough — it actually worked the entire month of August.
In Chicago, a couple who are Cubs fans have named their baby Wrigley Field. Apparently the couple expects their baby to be a lot of fun, but ultimately disappointing.
In Texas, pranksters threw a snake into the drive through window at a Taco Bell. Fortunately, the snake was immediately killed by all the rats in the kitchen.
Craig Ferguson
It’s the first day of fall. You can tell it’s getting a little colder here because Paris Hilton’s wearing underwear again . . .
Not such a great day for Kiefer Sutherland. He was arrested on DUI charges. He used the Lindsay Lohan defense: It was someone else’s alcohol in his blood.
New programming is premiering. I saw some funny shows last night. I saw a fantastic new comedian last night: the president of Iran.
Mahmoud I’m-a-dinner-jacket. He’s going to have to get a show-biz name . . . something nicer for the kids . . . MC Dinner-jacket. There you go.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Halo 3 came out today. It’s an online video game, which means while you’re playing, you get to meet other Halo fans from all over the world and kill them.
The president of Iran is in the United States. President Mahmoud A-Members-Only-jacket-jad addressed the United Nations.
He says there are no homosexuals in Iran. He looked very hard — he even placed personal ads.
Maybe if there were homosexuals in Iran he’d be better dressed.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Bush Quietly Advising Hillary
President Bush is quietly advising Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, recommending that she tone down her rhetoric so she can effectively prosecute the war in Iraq if she becomes president.
According to The Examiner newspaper of Washington, D.C., in an interview for the new book “The Evangelical President,” White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten said Bush has “been urging candidates: ‘Don’t get yourself too locked in where you stand right now. If you end up sitting where I sit, things could change dramatically.’ ”
Bolten said Bush wants to ensure that “even a Democratic president would be in a position to sustain a legitimate presence there [in Iraq].”
“Especially if it’s a Democrat,” the chief of staff told The Examiner. “He wants to create the conditions where a Democrat not only will have the leeway, but the obligation to see it out.”
As a result, Bush has been sending advice, usually via aides, aimed at preventing an abrupt withdrawal from Iraq in the event of a Democratic victory in November 2008.
“It’s different being a candidate and being the president,” Bush said in an Oval Office interview. “No matter who the president is, no matter what party, when they sit here in the Oval Office and seriously consider the effect of a vacuum being created in the Middle East, particularly one trying to be created by al-Qaida, they will then begin to understand the need to continue to support the young democracy.”
President Bush is quietly advising Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, recommending that she tone down her rhetoric so she can effectively prosecute the war in Iraq if she becomes president.
According to The Examiner newspaper of Washington, D.C., in an interview for the new book “The Evangelical President,” White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten said Bush has “been urging candidates: ‘Don’t get yourself too locked in where you stand right now. If you end up sitting where I sit, things could change dramatically.’ ”
Bolten said Bush wants to ensure that “even a Democratic president would be in a position to sustain a legitimate presence there [in Iraq].”
“Especially if it’s a Democrat,” the chief of staff told The Examiner. “He wants to create the conditions where a Democrat not only will have the leeway, but the obligation to see it out.”
As a result, Bush has been sending advice, usually via aides, aimed at preventing an abrupt withdrawal from Iraq in the event of a Democratic victory in November 2008.
“It’s different being a candidate and being the president,” Bush said in an Oval Office interview. “No matter who the president is, no matter what party, when they sit here in the Oval Office and seriously consider the effect of a vacuum being created in the Middle East, particularly one trying to be created by al-Qaida, they will then begin to understand the need to continue to support the young democracy.”
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
I guess Resident Evil drew a lot of attention this past weekend. Not the movie, the Iranian president.
As you know, Mahmoud I’m-a-nut-job has arrived in the United States. You know he was issued a visa to come here. Isn’t that amazing? You need a visa to get into the United States? When did they start with that?
You know the interesting part? After he landed he actually drove his own cab in from the airport.
Hillary Clinton gave an interview to the gay magazine The Advocate and when asked about the rumor that she was a lesbian Hillary denied it. Hillary said that she is not a lesbian. A confused President Bush said today that he has no problem with anyone being a lesbian as long they are in this country legally.
David Letterman
Beautiful day in New York City. It is so nice today, migrating birds turned back.
So nice today, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was barred from Ben & Jerry’s.
What a great week: Lunatic Dictator Week in New York City.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here to visit the U.N. and also to recover some stolen sports memorabilia.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten O.J. Simpson Excuses
10. "It was a rare lapse in judgement"
9. "Thought, 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'"
7. "Honestly, I miss the prison lasagna"
5. "Thought kidnapping would really round out my resume"
3. "Too much soup"
2. "Oh, like you never conducted a sting operation to steal back stolen sports memorabilia"
1. "C'mon, it's not like I killed somebody"
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave a speech today. Lots of people upset about it. New Yorkers said, “If we want to hear a short-tempered Iranian man yell at us, we’ll take a cab.”
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke at a conference on global warming and he said, “The time has come to stop looking back at the Kyoto Protocol.” Afterwards, people said he didn’t solve anything, but it was fun hearing Arnold say, “K-y-o-t-o P-r-o-t-o-c-o-l.”
This Saturday, President Bush will be on hand in Washington, to celebrate the 7th Annual National Book Festival. President Bush is very excited about the festival because he has been named “Cliff’s Notes Man of the Year.”
It’s been reported that O.J. Simpson’s girlfriend is younger than his daughter. When O.J. first met the woman, he said, “I can’t date you. I’m old enough to murder your father.”
Craig Ferguson
The president of Iran is visiting. President I’m-a-dinner-jacket.
He said there are no gay people in Iran. Well I could have told you there are no gay people in Iran when he turned up in those shoes and that jacket.
He’s like Borat but not funny. There’s no gay people in Iran because he killed them!
I went to this nation’s capital over the weekend. Hooters!
Jay Leno
I guess Resident Evil drew a lot of attention this past weekend. Not the movie, the Iranian president.
As you know, Mahmoud I’m-a-nut-job has arrived in the United States. You know he was issued a visa to come here. Isn’t that amazing? You need a visa to get into the United States? When did they start with that?
You know the interesting part? After he landed he actually drove his own cab in from the airport.
Hillary Clinton gave an interview to the gay magazine The Advocate and when asked about the rumor that she was a lesbian Hillary denied it. Hillary said that she is not a lesbian. A confused President Bush said today that he has no problem with anyone being a lesbian as long they are in this country legally.
David Letterman
Beautiful day in New York City. It is so nice today, migrating birds turned back.
So nice today, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was barred from Ben & Jerry’s.
What a great week: Lunatic Dictator Week in New York City.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here to visit the U.N. and also to recover some stolen sports memorabilia.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten O.J. Simpson Excuses
10. "It was a rare lapse in judgement"
9. "Thought, 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'"
7. "Honestly, I miss the prison lasagna"
5. "Thought kidnapping would really round out my resume"
3. "Too much soup"
2. "Oh, like you never conducted a sting operation to steal back stolen sports memorabilia"
1. "C'mon, it's not like I killed somebody"
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave a speech today. Lots of people upset about it. New Yorkers said, “If we want to hear a short-tempered Iranian man yell at us, we’ll take a cab.”
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke at a conference on global warming and he said, “The time has come to stop looking back at the Kyoto Protocol.” Afterwards, people said he didn’t solve anything, but it was fun hearing Arnold say, “K-y-o-t-o P-r-o-t-o-c-o-l.”
This Saturday, President Bush will be on hand in Washington, to celebrate the 7th Annual National Book Festival. President Bush is very excited about the festival because he has been named “Cliff’s Notes Man of the Year.”
It’s been reported that O.J. Simpson’s girlfriend is younger than his daughter. When O.J. first met the woman, he said, “I can’t date you. I’m old enough to murder your father.”
Craig Ferguson
The president of Iran is visiting. President I’m-a-dinner-jacket.
He said there are no gay people in Iran. Well I could have told you there are no gay people in Iran when he turned up in those shoes and that jacket.
He’s like Borat but not funny. There’s no gay people in Iran because he killed them!
I went to this nation’s capital over the weekend. Hooters!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Liberal Group Tries to Paint Bill O'Reilly as Racist
NEW YORK — After eating dinner at a famed Harlem restaurant recently, Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly told a radio audience he "couldn't get over the fact" that there was no difference between the black-run Sylvia's and other restaurants.
"It was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun," he said. "And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all."
O'Reilly said his fellow patrons were tremendously respectful as he ate dinner with civil rights activist Al Sharpton.
The comments were made during O'Reilly's nationally syndicated radio broadcast last week. The liberal media watchdog Media Matters for America called attention to them by distributing a transcript and audio clip on the Internet.
"This is nothing more than left-wing outlets stirring up false racism accusations for ratings," said Bill Shine, senior vice president for programming at Fox News Channel. "It's sad."
O'Reilly spoke during a general discussion about racial relations with Fox News analyst Juan Williams. O'Reilly said he believed black Americans were "starting to think more and more for themselves" and backing away from a race-based culture encouraged by Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.
He said he treated Sharpton to dinner to thank him for appearing on his Fox News Channel show.
O'Reilly pointed to the lack of difference between Sylvia's and other restaurants as a marker of racial progress. He also noted that he went to an Anita Baker concert recently where the audience was evenly mixed between blacks and whites.
"The band was excellent, but they were dressed in tuxedoes, and this is what white America doesn't know, particularly people who don't have a lot of interaction with black Americans," he said. "They think the culture is dominated by Twista, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg."
Williams concurred that too many people believe there's little else in black culture beyond profane rap.
"That's right," O'Reilly said. "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, `M.F.-er, I want more iced tea."
Sharpton said he was taken aback that anyone would be surprised at how blacks acted at Sylvia's and will ask O'Reilly on "The O'Reilly Factor" Wednesday to explain what he meant. Nothing O'Reilly said at the dinner was offensive, said Sharpton spokeswoman Rachel Noerdlinger.
Karl Frisch, a spokesman for Media Matters, called O'Reilly's comments "ignorant and racially charged."
NEW YORK — After eating dinner at a famed Harlem restaurant recently, Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly told a radio audience he "couldn't get over the fact" that there was no difference between the black-run Sylvia's and other restaurants.
"It was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun," he said. "And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all."
O'Reilly said his fellow patrons were tremendously respectful as he ate dinner with civil rights activist Al Sharpton.
The comments were made during O'Reilly's nationally syndicated radio broadcast last week. The liberal media watchdog Media Matters for America called attention to them by distributing a transcript and audio clip on the Internet.
"This is nothing more than left-wing outlets stirring up false racism accusations for ratings," said Bill Shine, senior vice president for programming at Fox News Channel. "It's sad."
O'Reilly spoke during a general discussion about racial relations with Fox News analyst Juan Williams. O'Reilly said he believed black Americans were "starting to think more and more for themselves" and backing away from a race-based culture encouraged by Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.
He said he treated Sharpton to dinner to thank him for appearing on his Fox News Channel show.
O'Reilly pointed to the lack of difference between Sylvia's and other restaurants as a marker of racial progress. He also noted that he went to an Anita Baker concert recently where the audience was evenly mixed between blacks and whites.
"The band was excellent, but they were dressed in tuxedoes, and this is what white America doesn't know, particularly people who don't have a lot of interaction with black Americans," he said. "They think the culture is dominated by Twista, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg."
Williams concurred that too many people believe there's little else in black culture beyond profane rap.
"That's right," O'Reilly said. "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, `M.F.-er, I want more iced tea."
Sharpton said he was taken aback that anyone would be surprised at how blacks acted at Sylvia's and will ask O'Reilly on "The O'Reilly Factor" Wednesday to explain what he meant. Nothing O'Reilly said at the dinner was offensive, said Sharpton spokeswoman Rachel Noerdlinger.
Karl Frisch, a spokesman for Media Matters, called O'Reilly's comments "ignorant and racially charged."
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Air Force Team Prepares for Iran Strikes
The U.S. Air Force has a secret planning group that is devising tactics for possible air attacks on Iran.
Called Project Checkmate, it is a successor to the group that planned the air campaign for the 1991 Gulf War, and was quietly reestablished at the Pentagon in June, according to the Times of London.
The group consists of more than 20 top Air Force officers and defense experts with access to the White House, the CIA and other agencies.
With Iran continuing its nuclear program despite United Nations sanctions, the U.S. central command – Centcom – has been planning for a strike on Iran for more than two years.
Checkmate’s job “is to add a dash of brilliance to Air Force thinking by countering the military’s tendency to ‘fight the last war’ and by providing innovative strategies for war fighting and assessing future needs for air, space and cyberwarfare,” the Time reports.
Checkmate was set up in the 1970s to deal with Soviet threats, and was revived under Colonel John Warden to prepare for the Gulf War.
“When Saddam invaded Kuwait, we had access to unlimited numbers of people with expertise, including all the intelligence agencies, and were able to be significantly more agile than Centcom,” Warden told the Times.
This time, he believes Checkmate’s role is to develop strategic planning so that “if somebody says Iran, it says: ‘Here is what you need to think about. Here are the objectives, here are the risks, here is what it will cost, here are the numbers of planes we will lose, here is how the war I going to end and here is what the peace will look like.”
The U.S. Air Force has a secret planning group that is devising tactics for possible air attacks on Iran.
Called Project Checkmate, it is a successor to the group that planned the air campaign for the 1991 Gulf War, and was quietly reestablished at the Pentagon in June, according to the Times of London.
The group consists of more than 20 top Air Force officers and defense experts with access to the White House, the CIA and other agencies.
With Iran continuing its nuclear program despite United Nations sanctions, the U.S. central command – Centcom – has been planning for a strike on Iran for more than two years.
Checkmate’s job “is to add a dash of brilliance to Air Force thinking by countering the military’s tendency to ‘fight the last war’ and by providing innovative strategies for war fighting and assessing future needs for air, space and cyberwarfare,” the Time reports.
Checkmate was set up in the 1970s to deal with Soviet threats, and was revived under Colonel John Warden to prepare for the Gulf War.
“When Saddam invaded Kuwait, we had access to unlimited numbers of people with expertise, including all the intelligence agencies, and were able to be significantly more agile than Centcom,” Warden told the Times.
This time, he believes Checkmate’s role is to develop strategic planning so that “if somebody says Iran, it says: ‘Here is what you need to think about. Here are the objectives, here are the risks, here is what it will cost, here are the numbers of planes we will lose, here is how the war I going to end and here is what the peace will look like.”
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Russert Confronts Hillary on Flip-Flops
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on "Meet the Press" Sunday. Host Tim Russert pressed her on inconsistencies in her record:
Hillary told Newsweek magazine that the war in Iraq was the most important vote you cast in the U.S. Senate.
Hillary's Response: "I am saying that, and, you know, I’ve been guided by what I believe is the principle that should govern any decisions that a member of the Senate or anyone in public life makes, and that is I try to do what I think is best for my country and for the troops who serve it. And I have seen no evidence that this administration is willing to change course in any significant way. We’re now nearly at 3800 dead, we have more than 30,000 injured. The Iraqi government has failed to fulfill its part of the bargain to deal with the political issues that all of us know have to be addressed. I don’t think the Bush administration has pursued the diplomatic agenda the way that it needed to be pursued. And there is no military solution. And these extraordinary, brave young men and women should begin to come home out of refereeing this sectarian civil war.
The Daily News, Hillary's home paper in New York, says that her positions on Iraq remain a tangle of contradictory and shifting elements.
Russert: When you were last on "Meet the Press," I asked you specifically about a definite timetable to bring troops home, and this is what you said. "I think that would be a mistake.” And —“We don’t want to send a signal to the insurgents, to the terrorists that we’re going to be out of here at some, you know, date certain. I think that would be like a green light to go ahead and just bide your time.”
Hillary's Response: Well, the circumstances on the ground have certainly compelled me to continue to evaluate what is in the best interest of our country and our troops. And it became unfortunately clear to me that if we were to maintain the failed policy of this president, we will be entangled in Iraq with many more deaths, with very little to show for it, Tim. I have the highest admiration for General Petraeus and for his officers and the men and women on the ground in Iraq. But there is no military solution, and the failure of the Iraqi government and of the Bush administration to deal on either the political or the diplomatic front has put our young men and women at risk. There is no doubt that they can fulfill whatever military mission they’re given; they have. They were asked to get rid of Saddam Hussein and they did. They were asked to give the Iraqis the security for fair and free elections and they did. And they were asked to give the Iraqi government the space and time to start making these very difficult political decisions.
Does Hillary support MoveOn.org's ad, “General Petraeus or General Betray Us?: Cooking the Books for the White House.”
Hillary's Response: Absolutely not. He is a man of great honor and distinction who has served admirably. I don’t condone anything like that, and I have voted against those who would impugn the patriotism and the service of the people who wear the uniform of our country. I don’t believe that that should be said about General Petraeus, and I condemn that. I didn’t think it should’ve been said about Senator Cleland or Senator Kerry. I think it’s important that we end this kind of attacks on the patriotism of those who serve our country.
But let’s be clear about this: This is not a debate about an ad. This is a debate about the direction we should pursue in Iraq, and if we focus on an ad, even though we have all voted, in one way or another, to condemn it and believe that we should cease any such impugning and attacks on anyone who serves our country, then, again, we’re not focused on what the real problem is.
Recently Hillary's campaign returned $850,000 in donations linked to Norman Hsu.
Russert: You talk about the politics of change. Is this changing the way Washington does business?
Hillary's Response: Well, I’m very much in favor of public financing, which is the only way to really change a lot of the problems that we have in our campaign finance system. You know, as soon as my campaign found out what I and dozens of other campaigns did not know, that he was a fugitive from justice, we took action. And out of an abundance of caution, we did return any contribution that we could in any way, no matter how indirect, link to him. And I believe that we’ve done what we needed to do based on the information as soon as it came to our attention. But we’ve gone even further, Tim, and we’re installing even additional kinds of checks because, you know, it was something that my campaign and other campaigns going back to 2003 did not uncover in all the vetting that we do. But the real answer here is public financing, and I’m going to work very hard in my time in the Senate and then in the White House to try to get to a public financing system that we can support under the constitution, because, as you know, we’ve got some constitutional issues we have to address, because that is the answer to all of these issues that have arisen.
Hillary is just too polarizing to be the Democratic nominee.
Hillary's Response: Well, Tim, those are the things that were said about me in New York, as I’m sure you remember. And I worked very hard to give people accurate information about who I am, what I stand for, what I will do, and I was extremely gratified to win in 2000 and even more so to be re-elected with nearly 67 percent of the vote. And I was very pleased that a lot of that vote came from Republicans and independents. You know, I carried a lot of those counties that George Bush had carried just two years before, carried 58 of New York’s 62 counties and, as you know, there’re a lot of red parts of New York.
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on "Meet the Press" Sunday. Host Tim Russert pressed her on inconsistencies in her record:
Hillary told Newsweek magazine that the war in Iraq was the most important vote you cast in the U.S. Senate.
Hillary's Response: "I am saying that, and, you know, I’ve been guided by what I believe is the principle that should govern any decisions that a member of the Senate or anyone in public life makes, and that is I try to do what I think is best for my country and for the troops who serve it. And I have seen no evidence that this administration is willing to change course in any significant way. We’re now nearly at 3800 dead, we have more than 30,000 injured. The Iraqi government has failed to fulfill its part of the bargain to deal with the political issues that all of us know have to be addressed. I don’t think the Bush administration has pursued the diplomatic agenda the way that it needed to be pursued. And there is no military solution. And these extraordinary, brave young men and women should begin to come home out of refereeing this sectarian civil war.
The Daily News, Hillary's home paper in New York, says that her positions on Iraq remain a tangle of contradictory and shifting elements.
Russert: When you were last on "Meet the Press," I asked you specifically about a definite timetable to bring troops home, and this is what you said. "I think that would be a mistake.” And —“We don’t want to send a signal to the insurgents, to the terrorists that we’re going to be out of here at some, you know, date certain. I think that would be like a green light to go ahead and just bide your time.”
Hillary's Response: Well, the circumstances on the ground have certainly compelled me to continue to evaluate what is in the best interest of our country and our troops. And it became unfortunately clear to me that if we were to maintain the failed policy of this president, we will be entangled in Iraq with many more deaths, with very little to show for it, Tim. I have the highest admiration for General Petraeus and for his officers and the men and women on the ground in Iraq. But there is no military solution, and the failure of the Iraqi government and of the Bush administration to deal on either the political or the diplomatic front has put our young men and women at risk. There is no doubt that they can fulfill whatever military mission they’re given; they have. They were asked to get rid of Saddam Hussein and they did. They were asked to give the Iraqis the security for fair and free elections and they did. And they were asked to give the Iraqi government the space and time to start making these very difficult political decisions.
Does Hillary support MoveOn.org's ad, “General Petraeus or General Betray Us?: Cooking the Books for the White House.”
Hillary's Response: Absolutely not. He is a man of great honor and distinction who has served admirably. I don’t condone anything like that, and I have voted against those who would impugn the patriotism and the service of the people who wear the uniform of our country. I don’t believe that that should be said about General Petraeus, and I condemn that. I didn’t think it should’ve been said about Senator Cleland or Senator Kerry. I think it’s important that we end this kind of attacks on the patriotism of those who serve our country.
But let’s be clear about this: This is not a debate about an ad. This is a debate about the direction we should pursue in Iraq, and if we focus on an ad, even though we have all voted, in one way or another, to condemn it and believe that we should cease any such impugning and attacks on anyone who serves our country, then, again, we’re not focused on what the real problem is.
Recently Hillary's campaign returned $850,000 in donations linked to Norman Hsu.
Russert: You talk about the politics of change. Is this changing the way Washington does business?
Hillary's Response: Well, I’m very much in favor of public financing, which is the only way to really change a lot of the problems that we have in our campaign finance system. You know, as soon as my campaign found out what I and dozens of other campaigns did not know, that he was a fugitive from justice, we took action. And out of an abundance of caution, we did return any contribution that we could in any way, no matter how indirect, link to him. And I believe that we’ve done what we needed to do based on the information as soon as it came to our attention. But we’ve gone even further, Tim, and we’re installing even additional kinds of checks because, you know, it was something that my campaign and other campaigns going back to 2003 did not uncover in all the vetting that we do. But the real answer here is public financing, and I’m going to work very hard in my time in the Senate and then in the White House to try to get to a public financing system that we can support under the constitution, because, as you know, we’ve got some constitutional issues we have to address, because that is the answer to all of these issues that have arisen.
Hillary is just too polarizing to be the Democratic nominee.
Hillary's Response: Well, Tim, those are the things that were said about me in New York, as I’m sure you remember. And I worked very hard to give people accurate information about who I am, what I stand for, what I will do, and I was extremely gratified to win in 2000 and even more so to be re-elected with nearly 67 percent of the vote. And I was very pleased that a lot of that vote came from Republicans and independents. You know, I carried a lot of those counties that George Bush had carried just two years before, carried 58 of New York’s 62 counties and, as you know, there’re a lot of red parts of New York.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Getting pretty nasty out there on the campaign trail . . . This week Hillary Clinton referred to Dick Cheney as Darth Vader. And today he demanded an apology. Not Dick Cheney — Darth Vader. He was very offended.
The president of Iran, Mahmoud I’m-a-nutjob, is coming to address the United Nations. Why isn’t his name on the “no-fly” list?
He wanted to go to ground zero. They told him no. He was very angry about it. In fact, today, he threatened to call a cab driver strike.
Scotch Tape has been designated a national historic chemical landmark. It’s only the second time in history something’s been designated a chemical landmark. The first was the state of New Jersey.
Conan O'Brien
O. J. news: O.J.’s girlfriend defended O.J. She said, “I’ve known him for 12 years and he would not rob or kidnap anyone. I’m sorry, that’s just not the double murderer I fell in love with.”
The White House has announced that during his last year in office, President Bush is going to visit more countries than any other year in his presidency. Bush said he will accomplish this all in one weekend by going to Epcot Center.
Democratic presidential candidates held another debate sponsored by the senior citizens group AARP. To win over the crowd, each candidate came out strongly against the War of 1812.
Police in Germany say they arrested a man in a wheel chair for breaking into a building. They say the man would have gotten away, but they shot out his tires.
Craig Ferguson
It’s been a mad week. O.J. Simpson went to jail; he’s out on bail. Ooo that rhymes; they’ll probably use that. “He went to jail; he’s out on bail. If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”
He’s being prosecuted for what he did in that Las Vegas hotel room. But c’mon — who amongst us couldn’t be prosecuted for what we did in a Las Vegas hotel room?
In the other trial, the Phil Spector trial, the jury is deadlocked. It goes to show that Justice is not only blind, she’s smoking crack.
In other news, on Tuesday, the world’s oldest man turned 112. [Shows picture of Larry King.]
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Autumn starts Sunday. Here in L.A. we don’t actually have leaves, but we watch Ashley Simpson’s hair change color.
The only reason we even use leaf blowers here is to roll a passed-out Britney Spears off our lawns.
Just a couple of hours ago, Britney Spears was charged with an accident she was involved in a month ago. A car accident — not her performance at the VMAs.
She was charged with hit and run and one count of driving without a valid license. If convicted, she could do six months for each charge. See, this is why she should leave the driving to the baby . . .
Jay Leno
Getting pretty nasty out there on the campaign trail . . . This week Hillary Clinton referred to Dick Cheney as Darth Vader. And today he demanded an apology. Not Dick Cheney — Darth Vader. He was very offended.
The president of Iran, Mahmoud I’m-a-nutjob, is coming to address the United Nations. Why isn’t his name on the “no-fly” list?
He wanted to go to ground zero. They told him no. He was very angry about it. In fact, today, he threatened to call a cab driver strike.
Scotch Tape has been designated a national historic chemical landmark. It’s only the second time in history something’s been designated a chemical landmark. The first was the state of New Jersey.
Conan O'Brien
O. J. news: O.J.’s girlfriend defended O.J. She said, “I’ve known him for 12 years and he would not rob or kidnap anyone. I’m sorry, that’s just not the double murderer I fell in love with.”
The White House has announced that during his last year in office, President Bush is going to visit more countries than any other year in his presidency. Bush said he will accomplish this all in one weekend by going to Epcot Center.
Democratic presidential candidates held another debate sponsored by the senior citizens group AARP. To win over the crowd, each candidate came out strongly against the War of 1812.
Police in Germany say they arrested a man in a wheel chair for breaking into a building. They say the man would have gotten away, but they shot out his tires.
Craig Ferguson
It’s been a mad week. O.J. Simpson went to jail; he’s out on bail. Ooo that rhymes; they’ll probably use that. “He went to jail; he’s out on bail. If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”
He’s being prosecuted for what he did in that Las Vegas hotel room. But c’mon — who amongst us couldn’t be prosecuted for what we did in a Las Vegas hotel room?
In the other trial, the Phil Spector trial, the jury is deadlocked. It goes to show that Justice is not only blind, she’s smoking crack.
In other news, on Tuesday, the world’s oldest man turned 112. [Shows picture of Larry King.]
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Autumn starts Sunday. Here in L.A. we don’t actually have leaves, but we watch Ashley Simpson’s hair change color.
The only reason we even use leaf blowers here is to roll a passed-out Britney Spears off our lawns.
Just a couple of hours ago, Britney Spears was charged with an accident she was involved in a month ago. A car accident — not her performance at the VMAs.
She was charged with hit and run and one count of driving without a valid license. If convicted, she could do six months for each charge. See, this is why she should leave the driving to the baby . . .
Friday, September 21, 2007
Senate Condemns General Betray Us Ad
The Senate voted Thursday to condemn an advertisement by the liberal anti-war group MoveOn.org that accused the top military commander in Iraq of betrayal.
The 72-25 vote condemned the full-page ad that appeared in The New York Times last week as Gen. David Petraeus, the top military commander in Iraq, testified on Capitol Hill. The ad was headlined: ''General Petraeus or General Betray Us? Cooking the books for the White House.''
The ad became a life raft for the Republican party as the war debate kicked into high gear. With several Republicans opposed to President Bush's war strategy, GOP members were able to put aside their differences and rally around their disapproval of the ad.
Sen. Gordon Smith, one of the few Republican senators who supports legislation ordering troop withdrawals, told reporters Thursday he thought Petraeus' testimony and the MoveOn.org ad were the two biggest factors in keeping Republicans from breaking ranks with the president: Petraeus' testimony because it was persuasive and the MoveOn add because it went too far by attacking a popular uniformed officer.
''It was stupid on their part and disgraceful,'' said Smith, R-Ore.
The resolution condemning the ad was sponsored by conservative Republican John Cornyn of Texas. Voting against it were Democratic presidential hopefuls Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York and Christopher Dodd of Connecticut.
Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois, another contender for the Democratic nomination, did not vote, although he voted minutes earlier for an alternative resolution by Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif. That resolution condemned the MoveOn ad as an ''unwarranted personal attack,'' but also condemned political attack ads that questioned the patriotism of Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., and former Sen. Max Cleland, D-Ga., both Vietnam veterans.
In a news conference, President Bush denounced the ad as ''disgusting'' and criticized Democrats for not immediately condemning it.
''And that leads me to come to this conclusion: that most Democrats are afraid of irritating a left-wing group like MoveOn.org, or more afraid of irritating them, then they are of irritating the United States military,'' Bush said Thursday.
Eli Pariser, executive director of the liberal group, responded: ''What's disgusting is that the president has more interest in political attacks than developing an exit strategy to get our troops out of Iraq and end this awful war.''
Democrats were reeling after failing to pass legislation Wednesday by Sen. Jim Webb, D-Va., that would have required active-duty troops to spend as much time at home as they do in combat. The 56-44 vote fell short of the 60 votes needed to cut off a GOP filibuster.
The legislation was seen as Democrats' best shot at challenging Bush this year because of its pro-military premise. It's failure all but assured Democrats would not be able to muster the support for tougher bills ordering troops home by next summer.
The Senate voted Thursday to condemn an advertisement by the liberal anti-war group MoveOn.org that accused the top military commander in Iraq of betrayal.
The 72-25 vote condemned the full-page ad that appeared in The New York Times last week as Gen. David Petraeus, the top military commander in Iraq, testified on Capitol Hill. The ad was headlined: ''General Petraeus or General Betray Us? Cooking the books for the White House.''
The ad became a life raft for the Republican party as the war debate kicked into high gear. With several Republicans opposed to President Bush's war strategy, GOP members were able to put aside their differences and rally around their disapproval of the ad.
Sen. Gordon Smith, one of the few Republican senators who supports legislation ordering troop withdrawals, told reporters Thursday he thought Petraeus' testimony and the MoveOn.org ad were the two biggest factors in keeping Republicans from breaking ranks with the president: Petraeus' testimony because it was persuasive and the MoveOn add because it went too far by attacking a popular uniformed officer.
''It was stupid on their part and disgraceful,'' said Smith, R-Ore.
The resolution condemning the ad was sponsored by conservative Republican John Cornyn of Texas. Voting against it were Democratic presidential hopefuls Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York and Christopher Dodd of Connecticut.
Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois, another contender for the Democratic nomination, did not vote, although he voted minutes earlier for an alternative resolution by Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif. That resolution condemned the MoveOn ad as an ''unwarranted personal attack,'' but also condemned political attack ads that questioned the patriotism of Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., and former Sen. Max Cleland, D-Ga., both Vietnam veterans.
In a news conference, President Bush denounced the ad as ''disgusting'' and criticized Democrats for not immediately condemning it.
''And that leads me to come to this conclusion: that most Democrats are afraid of irritating a left-wing group like MoveOn.org, or more afraid of irritating them, then they are of irritating the United States military,'' Bush said Thursday.
Eli Pariser, executive director of the liberal group, responded: ''What's disgusting is that the president has more interest in political attacks than developing an exit strategy to get our troops out of Iraq and end this awful war.''
Democrats were reeling after failing to pass legislation Wednesday by Sen. Jim Webb, D-Va., that would have required active-duty troops to spend as much time at home as they do in combat. The 56-44 vote fell short of the 60 votes needed to cut off a GOP filibuster.
The legislation was seen as Democrats' best shot at challenging Bush this year because of its pro-military premise. It's failure all but assured Democrats would not be able to muster the support for tougher bills ordering troops home by next summer.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
O.J. Simpson was released on $125,000 bail — or as he calls it, three jerseys, a signed pair of cleats . . . and I think a Super Bowl ring.
You why O.J. originally went to Las Vegas? For a wedding. He ends up in jail. Boy that’s a bad weekend for a guy!
Either one of those is a nightmare, but both of them! How many guys would take jail over the wedding?
Iranian President Mahmoud I’m-a-nutt-job . . . is that how you say his name? Is coming to New York. But he has been denied permission to go to ground zero in New York City. He wanted to go to ground zero. I have an idea. Is there anyway we can bring ground zero to him?
Conan O'Brien
Another presidential debate tonight. The election is still four years away. We’re having the 900th debate tonight.
The Democratic candidates are having a debate sponsored by the senior citizens group AARP. It was just like all the other debates except the moderator asked the same questions over and over.
While in Europe, presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani called for the expansion of NATO. After hearing this, President Bush said, “I believe it is pronounced NINTENDO.”
Dan Rather announced yesterday he is suing CBS for $70 million for damaging his career. After hearing this, Katie Couric said, “Then I’m suing for $700 million.”
Craig Ferguson
Brad Pitt has a new movie out. “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.” The title tells you the whole damn movie!
That’s the short version. The original title was “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford who Plays Piano and Was Originally From Cleveland Has Nice Eyes and Small hands for a Man His Size.”
Apparently in the movie Brad Pitt has a nude scene. He takes a bath. A long, luxurious, soapy, steamy . . . bath. If they wanted people to see this movie they should have just named it “Brad Pitt in the Bath.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
O.J. Simpson is back in Florida tonight. He had to get back in time for the Wednesday night game of Yahtsee he plays with the Golden Girls.
O.J.’s flight back to Miami was uneventful — he even flew coach, where reporters covered the trip. Reporter: “O.J. Simpson was like an average passenger on this flight — napping, reading, fiddling with his headphones — even watching ‘Ocean’s Thirteen.’” He’s even watching movies about robberies in Las Vegas.
What is with this guy? Maybe he’s trying to figure out how to do it better next time.
Jay Leno
O.J. Simpson was released on $125,000 bail — or as he calls it, three jerseys, a signed pair of cleats . . . and I think a Super Bowl ring.
You why O.J. originally went to Las Vegas? For a wedding. He ends up in jail. Boy that’s a bad weekend for a guy!
Either one of those is a nightmare, but both of them! How many guys would take jail over the wedding?
Iranian President Mahmoud I’m-a-nutt-job . . . is that how you say his name? Is coming to New York. But he has been denied permission to go to ground zero in New York City. He wanted to go to ground zero. I have an idea. Is there anyway we can bring ground zero to him?
Conan O'Brien
Another presidential debate tonight. The election is still four years away. We’re having the 900th debate tonight.
The Democratic candidates are having a debate sponsored by the senior citizens group AARP. It was just like all the other debates except the moderator asked the same questions over and over.
While in Europe, presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani called for the expansion of NATO. After hearing this, President Bush said, “I believe it is pronounced NINTENDO.”
Dan Rather announced yesterday he is suing CBS for $70 million for damaging his career. After hearing this, Katie Couric said, “Then I’m suing for $700 million.”
Craig Ferguson
Brad Pitt has a new movie out. “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford.” The title tells you the whole damn movie!
That’s the short version. The original title was “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford who Plays Piano and Was Originally From Cleveland Has Nice Eyes and Small hands for a Man His Size.”
Apparently in the movie Brad Pitt has a nude scene. He takes a bath. A long, luxurious, soapy, steamy . . . bath. If they wanted people to see this movie they should have just named it “Brad Pitt in the Bath.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
O.J. Simpson is back in Florida tonight. He had to get back in time for the Wednesday night game of Yahtsee he plays with the Golden Girls.
O.J.’s flight back to Miami was uneventful — he even flew coach, where reporters covered the trip. Reporter: “O.J. Simpson was like an average passenger on this flight — napping, reading, fiddling with his headphones — even watching ‘Ocean’s Thirteen.’” He’s even watching movies about robberies in Las Vegas.
What is with this guy? Maybe he’s trying to figure out how to do it better next time.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Democratic Fundraiser Charged With Fraud
NEW YORK -- Norman Hsu, one of the top fundraisers for big-name Democrats, was charged Thursday with swindling at least $60 million from investors and using some of his profits to make illegal donations to political campaigns.
Hsu, who was already facing a 15-year-old fraud case in California, was charged in New York with what prosecutors called a "massive" Ponzi scheme that ensnared investors across the country.
At a news conference, U.S. Attorney Michael Garcia said the main purpose of the fraud was to support a "lavish lifestyle," but he said it also may have been fueled by Hsu's desire "to purchase a place on the celebrity campaign circuit."
The criminal complaint, unsealed in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, said the 56-year-old clothing-industry entrepreneur pressured his business partners to make hefty donations to congressional and presidential candidates, most notably Hillary Rodham Clinton. None of the partners was identified.
Garcia said there was no evidence that the campaigns were aware of the scheme or acted criminally. The Clinton campaign has been cooperating with the investigation, he said, and Clinton has already announced that she would give back $850,000 raised by Hsu.
Hsu also is accused of donating money in other people's names, which is a federal crime.
Robert Emmers, a spokesman for Hsu, declined to comment. Hsu's lawyer in San Francisco, Jim Brosnahan, did not immediately return phone messages Thursday.
The charges are the latest in a string of legal problems for Hsu, who is already in custody. On Thursday, the Mesa County, Colo., sheriff released him to officials from California.
His troubles began this summer when news reports revealed that he was a fugitive from justice; in 1992 he had pleaded no contest to theft charges in California related to a fraudulent clothing import business, then skipped town before he could be sentenced. Investigators believe he fled to Hong Kong.
Hsu turned himself in last month, but then fled again after he was released on $2 million bail. He was arrested in Grand Junction, Colo., on Sept. 6 after becoming sick on a train.
When he was arrested, Hsu was carrying a briefcase containing thousands of dollars in cash, bank receipts reflecting millions of dollars worth of transactions and handwritten ledgers of campaign contributions, prosecutors said.
Within days, according to the criminal complaint, he contacted the FBI and voluntarily confessed to making "phony" business deals.
In the criminal complaint, FBI investigators describe the Ponzi scheme. They say Hsu had no actual business, but created the appearance that he was turning a profit by using funds from his newest victims to pay off debts due to his older partners.
The complaint did not identify any of the alleged victims of the scheme but a lawsuit was filed last week in state Supreme Court in Manhattan by a company that claims to have been cheated by Hsu.
Source Financing Investors, a fund run by one of the creators of the 1969 Woodstock rock festival, said it sank $40 million into a Hsu venture that purportedly made its money by making short-term, high-interest loans to clothing companies in China.
In the lawsuit, Source Financing Investors said its checks from Hsu _ some for as much as $1.5 million _ recently began to bounce.
The investors said they contacted clothing retailers Hsu claimed to have done business with, including L.L. Bean, Macy's, Nordstrom and DKNY, and none had heard of him.
The FBI said it had identified several investors who lost amounts ranging from a few thousand dollars to several million. It did not name them in the complaint.
Prosecutors said one account Hsu had used to write millions of dollars worth of checks had only $83,000.
NEW YORK -- Norman Hsu, one of the top fundraisers for big-name Democrats, was charged Thursday with swindling at least $60 million from investors and using some of his profits to make illegal donations to political campaigns.
Hsu, who was already facing a 15-year-old fraud case in California, was charged in New York with what prosecutors called a "massive" Ponzi scheme that ensnared investors across the country.
At a news conference, U.S. Attorney Michael Garcia said the main purpose of the fraud was to support a "lavish lifestyle," but he said it also may have been fueled by Hsu's desire "to purchase a place on the celebrity campaign circuit."
The criminal complaint, unsealed in U.S. District Court for the Southern District of New York, said the 56-year-old clothing-industry entrepreneur pressured his business partners to make hefty donations to congressional and presidential candidates, most notably Hillary Rodham Clinton. None of the partners was identified.
Garcia said there was no evidence that the campaigns were aware of the scheme or acted criminally. The Clinton campaign has been cooperating with the investigation, he said, and Clinton has already announced that she would give back $850,000 raised by Hsu.
Hsu also is accused of donating money in other people's names, which is a federal crime.
Robert Emmers, a spokesman for Hsu, declined to comment. Hsu's lawyer in San Francisco, Jim Brosnahan, did not immediately return phone messages Thursday.
The charges are the latest in a string of legal problems for Hsu, who is already in custody. On Thursday, the Mesa County, Colo., sheriff released him to officials from California.
His troubles began this summer when news reports revealed that he was a fugitive from justice; in 1992 he had pleaded no contest to theft charges in California related to a fraudulent clothing import business, then skipped town before he could be sentenced. Investigators believe he fled to Hong Kong.
Hsu turned himself in last month, but then fled again after he was released on $2 million bail. He was arrested in Grand Junction, Colo., on Sept. 6 after becoming sick on a train.
When he was arrested, Hsu was carrying a briefcase containing thousands of dollars in cash, bank receipts reflecting millions of dollars worth of transactions and handwritten ledgers of campaign contributions, prosecutors said.
Within days, according to the criminal complaint, he contacted the FBI and voluntarily confessed to making "phony" business deals.
In the criminal complaint, FBI investigators describe the Ponzi scheme. They say Hsu had no actual business, but created the appearance that he was turning a profit by using funds from his newest victims to pay off debts due to his older partners.
The complaint did not identify any of the alleged victims of the scheme but a lawsuit was filed last week in state Supreme Court in Manhattan by a company that claims to have been cheated by Hsu.
Source Financing Investors, a fund run by one of the creators of the 1969 Woodstock rock festival, said it sank $40 million into a Hsu venture that purportedly made its money by making short-term, high-interest loans to clothing companies in China.
In the lawsuit, Source Financing Investors said its checks from Hsu _ some for as much as $1.5 million _ recently began to bounce.
The investors said they contacted clothing retailers Hsu claimed to have done business with, including L.L. Bean, Macy's, Nordstrom and DKNY, and none had heard of him.
The FBI said it had identified several investors who lost amounts ranging from a few thousand dollars to several million. It did not name them in the complaint.
Prosecutors said one account Hsu had used to write millions of dollars worth of checks had only $83,000.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Fox announced their new stars for the new season of “Skating with Celebrities.” The first celebrity to skate? Phil Spector.
This is amazing to me. The jurors in the Phil Spector murder trial have reached an impasse. They cannot come up with a verdict. Now the defense is asking for a mistrial. A mistrial? I think that’s the whole problem. I think the jury missed the whole trial!
Former President Bill Clinton was in town. He was giving a speech at the home of a wealthy campaign contributor in Brentwood when the power went out last night. L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was there too. Embarrassing moment when the lights came back on . . . they both had their hand on the same woman’s ass.
CNN’s Lou Dobbs will be off their air for two weeks after a tonsillectomy. I thought this was kind of mean — while he’s recovering; CNN is replacing him with an illegal immigrant.
Conan O'Brien
Earlier today O.J. Simpson was charged with 11 criminal counts including kidnapping, robbery, and assault. Afterwards, O.J. said, “Wow. Now I really have done it all!”
O.J. was released on bail on the condition that he surrender his passport and that he not leave the United States. O.J. said, “Let me get this straight — I can only kill people in this country?”
Yesterday in his speech, Jesse Jackson criticized Barack Obama saying that he is acting like he is white. Obama said that Jackson’s comments were hurtful and they completely ruined his night at the Jimmy Buffett concert.
A private school in New York raised its tuition so much that now it only has two students. As a result, this year’s graduation has only two categories: valedictorian and dumbass.
Craig Ferguson
Today O.J. Simpson was charged. Seven felonies. Seven felonies! He said if he knew how much trouble he was going to get into, he would have just murdered the guy.
The Phil Spector trial is also a mess. The jury is split 7-5. Seven like the blonde wig, five like his afro.
Not such a great day for that student who was Tasered at the John Kerry speech in Florida. If you’ve ever heard John Kerry speak, being Tasered is a bit less painful.
“I can still hear him! Taser me again, bro!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
A lot of O.J. to cover. In case you didn’t hear, O.J. is back on the loose. He was released on $125,000 bail.
He could get life in prison for all this. Kill two people, you get nothing. But steal your own football jersey — you go away for life.
Britney Spears has some legal troubles of her own. She’s been dropped by her manager and dropped by her lawyer. She’s been dropped now almost as much as her children.
All she has left now are her dogs and a swimming pool filled with YooHoo.
Jay Leno
Fox announced their new stars for the new season of “Skating with Celebrities.” The first celebrity to skate? Phil Spector.
This is amazing to me. The jurors in the Phil Spector murder trial have reached an impasse. They cannot come up with a verdict. Now the defense is asking for a mistrial. A mistrial? I think that’s the whole problem. I think the jury missed the whole trial!
Former President Bill Clinton was in town. He was giving a speech at the home of a wealthy campaign contributor in Brentwood when the power went out last night. L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was there too. Embarrassing moment when the lights came back on . . . they both had their hand on the same woman’s ass.
CNN’s Lou Dobbs will be off their air for two weeks after a tonsillectomy. I thought this was kind of mean — while he’s recovering; CNN is replacing him with an illegal immigrant.
Conan O'Brien
Earlier today O.J. Simpson was charged with 11 criminal counts including kidnapping, robbery, and assault. Afterwards, O.J. said, “Wow. Now I really have done it all!”
O.J. was released on bail on the condition that he surrender his passport and that he not leave the United States. O.J. said, “Let me get this straight — I can only kill people in this country?”
Yesterday in his speech, Jesse Jackson criticized Barack Obama saying that he is acting like he is white. Obama said that Jackson’s comments were hurtful and they completely ruined his night at the Jimmy Buffett concert.
A private school in New York raised its tuition so much that now it only has two students. As a result, this year’s graduation has only two categories: valedictorian and dumbass.
Craig Ferguson
Today O.J. Simpson was charged. Seven felonies. Seven felonies! He said if he knew how much trouble he was going to get into, he would have just murdered the guy.
The Phil Spector trial is also a mess. The jury is split 7-5. Seven like the blonde wig, five like his afro.
Not such a great day for that student who was Tasered at the John Kerry speech in Florida. If you’ve ever heard John Kerry speak, being Tasered is a bit less painful.
“I can still hear him! Taser me again, bro!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
A lot of O.J. to cover. In case you didn’t hear, O.J. is back on the loose. He was released on $125,000 bail.
He could get life in prison for all this. Kill two people, you get nothing. But steal your own football jersey — you go away for life.
Britney Spears has some legal troubles of her own. She’s been dropped by her manager and dropped by her lawyer. She’s been dropped now almost as much as her children.
All she has left now are her dogs and a swimming pool filled with YooHoo.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Congress Gets Just 11% Approval, Lowest Ever
Ihe U.S. Congress registered record-low approval ratings in a Reuters/Zogby poll released on Wednesday, and a new monthly index measuring the mood of Americans dipped slightly on deepening worries about the economy.
Only 29 percent of Americans gave Bush a positive grade for his job performance, below his worst Zogby poll mark of 30 percent in March. A paltry 11 percent rated Congress positively, beating the previous low of 14 percent in July.
The Reuters/Zogby Index, a new measure of the mood of the country, dropped from 100 to 98.8 in the last month on worries about the economy and fears of a recession, pollster John Zogby said.
"Since the last time we polled we have had the mortgage crisis, and we are hearing the recession word a whole lot more than we've heard it in the past," Zogby said.
"There are things that happened in the September polling that drove the number down a bit, and they are mostly economic worries," he added.
The Index, which debuts this month, combines responses to 10 questions on Americans' views about their leaders, the direction of their country and their personal situations. Polling for the Index began in July, and that month's results provide the benchmark score of 100.
A score above 100 indicates the country's mood has improved since July. A score below 100, like the one recorded in September, shows the nation's mood getting worse. The RZI, which will be released the third Wednesday of each month, had remained at 100 in August.
"The public mood is not just dark. What's darker than dark?" Zogby said. "The mood is getting ugly."
The national survey of 1,011 likely voters, taken September 13 through September 16, found barely one-quarter of Americans, or 27 percent, believe the country is headed in the right direction. Nearly 62 percent think the country is on the wrong track.
About two-thirds of Americans think the value of their homes will stay the same or drop in the next year, and about one-third expect a recession in the next year amid a housing slump and credit crunch.
The poll also found little confidence in U.S. foreign or economic policy, with 68 percent of Americans rating economic policy as just fair or poor and 73 percent calling foreign policy either fair or poor.
Most of the polling was done after a speech by Bush and testimony to Congress by the top commander in Iraq, Gen. David Petraeus, indicating the United States would make some reductions but planned to keep high troop levels in Iraq for the foreseeable future.
Zogby said continuing uncertainty about Iraq contributed to the bad public mood and helped push down ratings for Bush and the Democratic-controlled Congress.
"I think we are seeing an anti-institution mood here," he said. "Post-Katrina, and now with Iraq and the economy getting worse, people just don't have faith that anybody is solving their problems."
In the 2008 White House race, Sen. Hillary Clinton of New York led the Democratic field with 35 percent. Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois was second with 21 percent and former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina was third with 10 percent.
New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson and Delaware Sen. Joseph Biden drew the support of about 3 percent each.
For Republicans, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani led the 2008 field with 26 percent, while newly minted candidate Fred Thompson, a former senator and Hollywood actor, was second with 24 percent.
Arizona Sen. John McCain was third at 13 percent and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney was fourth with 7 percent.
In both parties, about 20 percent of likely voters said they had not made up their minds, leaving plenty of room for the races to shift.
The national telephone survey had a margin of error of plus or minus 3.1 percentage points.
Ihe U.S. Congress registered record-low approval ratings in a Reuters/Zogby poll released on Wednesday, and a new monthly index measuring the mood of Americans dipped slightly on deepening worries about the economy.
Only 29 percent of Americans gave Bush a positive grade for his job performance, below his worst Zogby poll mark of 30 percent in March. A paltry 11 percent rated Congress positively, beating the previous low of 14 percent in July.
The Reuters/Zogby Index, a new measure of the mood of the country, dropped from 100 to 98.8 in the last month on worries about the economy and fears of a recession, pollster John Zogby said.
"Since the last time we polled we have had the mortgage crisis, and we are hearing the recession word a whole lot more than we've heard it in the past," Zogby said.
"There are things that happened in the September polling that drove the number down a bit, and they are mostly economic worries," he added.
The Index, which debuts this month, combines responses to 10 questions on Americans' views about their leaders, the direction of their country and their personal situations. Polling for the Index began in July, and that month's results provide the benchmark score of 100.
A score above 100 indicates the country's mood has improved since July. A score below 100, like the one recorded in September, shows the nation's mood getting worse. The RZI, which will be released the third Wednesday of each month, had remained at 100 in August.
"The public mood is not just dark. What's darker than dark?" Zogby said. "The mood is getting ugly."
The national survey of 1,011 likely voters, taken September 13 through September 16, found barely one-quarter of Americans, or 27 percent, believe the country is headed in the right direction. Nearly 62 percent think the country is on the wrong track.
About two-thirds of Americans think the value of their homes will stay the same or drop in the next year, and about one-third expect a recession in the next year amid a housing slump and credit crunch.
The poll also found little confidence in U.S. foreign or economic policy, with 68 percent of Americans rating economic policy as just fair or poor and 73 percent calling foreign policy either fair or poor.
Most of the polling was done after a speech by Bush and testimony to Congress by the top commander in Iraq, Gen. David Petraeus, indicating the United States would make some reductions but planned to keep high troop levels in Iraq for the foreseeable future.
Zogby said continuing uncertainty about Iraq contributed to the bad public mood and helped push down ratings for Bush and the Democratic-controlled Congress.
"I think we are seeing an anti-institution mood here," he said. "Post-Katrina, and now with Iraq and the economy getting worse, people just don't have faith that anybody is solving their problems."
In the 2008 White House race, Sen. Hillary Clinton of New York led the Democratic field with 35 percent. Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois was second with 21 percent and former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina was third with 10 percent.
New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson and Delaware Sen. Joseph Biden drew the support of about 3 percent each.
For Republicans, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani led the 2008 field with 26 percent, while newly minted candidate Fred Thompson, a former senator and Hollywood actor, was second with 24 percent.
Arizona Sen. John McCain was third at 13 percent and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney was fourth with 7 percent.
In both parties, about 20 percent of likely voters said they had not made up their minds, leaving plenty of room for the races to shift.
The national telephone survey had a margin of error of plus or minus 3.1 percentage points.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
A hit has allegedly been taken out on Kevin Federline. The plot was pretty scary: They were going to lure him to Las Vegas, then tell O.J. Kevin had some of his memorabilia.
O.J.’s biggest objection in his robbery case, is that he is being held without bail. He says that if he were anyone else but O.J., he would have been released. If he were anyone else but O.J., he’d be serving life for double murder right now.
O.J. was in Las Vegas for a wedding. He was the best man. How bad are your friends when O.J. is the best man?
In political news, Vice President Dick Cheney is very upset about the way Gen. Petraeus has been treated by the Democrats. Cheney said it’s horrible the way people mock and treat a soldier. I’ll be sure to pass that on to John Kerry when I see him.
Conan O'Brien
One of the men who was allegedly robbed by O.J. Simpson is now saying he won’t press charges. In exchange O.J. has promised not to double murder the man.
Yesterday Sen. John Kerry was heckled while giving a speech, and the heckler had to be subdued with a Taser gun. When reached for comment, the man said, “Being Tasered in the chest was still better that sitting through an entire Kerry speech.”
More trouble for Britney Spears. Britney Spears’ management company has announced that she will no longer be a client because they are dropping her. When Britney’s kids heard this they told her, “Now you know how it feels.”
This week doctors began doing an autopsy on a man they thought was dead. As the procedure began, he came back to life. You can hear all about it tomorrow night when the man goes back to hosting “Larry King Live.”
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for the American justice system. The jury is back in the Phil Spector trial. I’m not kidding — it’s a hung jury. We have a picture of the five people on the jury who think he’s not guilty. There’s Darth Vader, Michael Jackson, O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, and Satan.
O.J. still in trouble. It turns out there’s an audio tape of the robbery. So there’s multiple witnesses and an audio tape. Now in California, that’s enough to get you acquitted.
There’s a real story today. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control says that people in the restroom wash their hands less than they used to. And I’m thinking, “How did they get this information?” What did they do? Discreetly watch as people wash their hands? “Please carry on. I’m with Disease Control.” Discreetly watched in the bathroom? You gotta be careful — there have been senators arrested for less than that.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Emmy Awards were handed out Sunday night here L.A. For me, it was an honor just to not be nominated.
Al Gore won an Emmy. He’s won so much: He’s won an Oscar this year, for his role as Chewbacca in the "Star Wars" movie . . .
Former Mexican President Vincente Fox has a new book coming out. In it, he says President Bush is the cockiest guy he’s ever met. Apparently, the first time the met, Bush kept insisting on meeting the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
Fox also said Bush speaks grade school Spanish. Well, he speaks grade school English as well, so . . .
Jay Leno
A hit has allegedly been taken out on Kevin Federline. The plot was pretty scary: They were going to lure him to Las Vegas, then tell O.J. Kevin had some of his memorabilia.
O.J.’s biggest objection in his robbery case, is that he is being held without bail. He says that if he were anyone else but O.J., he would have been released. If he were anyone else but O.J., he’d be serving life for double murder right now.
O.J. was in Las Vegas for a wedding. He was the best man. How bad are your friends when O.J. is the best man?
In political news, Vice President Dick Cheney is very upset about the way Gen. Petraeus has been treated by the Democrats. Cheney said it’s horrible the way people mock and treat a soldier. I’ll be sure to pass that on to John Kerry when I see him.
Conan O'Brien
One of the men who was allegedly robbed by O.J. Simpson is now saying he won’t press charges. In exchange O.J. has promised not to double murder the man.
Yesterday Sen. John Kerry was heckled while giving a speech, and the heckler had to be subdued with a Taser gun. When reached for comment, the man said, “Being Tasered in the chest was still better that sitting through an entire Kerry speech.”
More trouble for Britney Spears. Britney Spears’ management company has announced that she will no longer be a client because they are dropping her. When Britney’s kids heard this they told her, “Now you know how it feels.”
This week doctors began doing an autopsy on a man they thought was dead. As the procedure began, he came back to life. You can hear all about it tomorrow night when the man goes back to hosting “Larry King Live.”
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for the American justice system. The jury is back in the Phil Spector trial. I’m not kidding — it’s a hung jury. We have a picture of the five people on the jury who think he’s not guilty. There’s Darth Vader, Michael Jackson, O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake, and Satan.
O.J. still in trouble. It turns out there’s an audio tape of the robbery. So there’s multiple witnesses and an audio tape. Now in California, that’s enough to get you acquitted.
There’s a real story today. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control says that people in the restroom wash their hands less than they used to. And I’m thinking, “How did they get this information?” What did they do? Discreetly watch as people wash their hands? “Please carry on. I’m with Disease Control.” Discreetly watched in the bathroom? You gotta be careful — there have been senators arrested for less than that.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Emmy Awards were handed out Sunday night here L.A. For me, it was an honor just to not be nominated.
Al Gore won an Emmy. He’s won so much: He’s won an Oscar this year, for his role as Chewbacca in the "Star Wars" movie . . .
Former Mexican President Vincente Fox has a new book coming out. In it, he says President Bush is the cockiest guy he’s ever met. Apparently, the first time the met, Bush kept insisting on meeting the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
Fox also said Bush speaks grade school Spanish. Well, he speaks grade school English as well, so . . .
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Netanyahu Says He Backed Syria Sorties
Israeli opposition leader Benjamin Netanyahu has broken an official silence over Syria's accusations that Israel bombed its territory, hinting the reported mission was of strategic significance and a success.
Asked during an Israeli television interview on Wednesday to comment on "that operation that is so cloaked in secrecy," Netanyahu said: "I was privy to the matter from the outset and I gave my backing. But it's too early to be discussing this."
Netanyahu's remarks, broadcast live, flew in the face of Prime Minister Ehud Olmert government's refusal to talk about the September 6 incident and drew flak from rivals and allies alike who suggested the hawkish ex-premier was vying for credit.
Asked if he had congratulated Olmert on completion of the mission, the hawkish Likud party chief said: "In person? Yes."
Israeli media, chafing at two weeks of strict military censorship, headlined what they called the first public acknowledgement by Israel that it did indeed mount some form of incursion.
By noting that Olmert had consulted him before the incident, Netanyahu appeared to signal the operation had been especially important.
In the past, Israeli opposition leaders have been briefed in advance about some of the state's most daring exploits, such as the 1981 bombing of Iraq's nuclear reactor and the 1976 rescue of hijacked Israeli air passengers in Entebbe, Uganda.
Syrian officials have said that their air defenses forced Israeli jets to flee, dropping bombs harmlessly in the desert.
However, U.S. and other officials have said Israel attacked Syrian targets that may have had links to North Korean nuclear arms or Iranian weapons for Lebanon's Hezbollah group.
Olmert aides were quick to denounce Netanyahu -- though, seemingly mindful of orders imposing official silence, they did so only in off-record conversations with Israeli journalists.
"They think he wanted to brag but ended up showing just how reckless he can be," said Army Radio's political correspondent Ilil Shahar.
Opinion polls indicate that patchy reports on the Syrian incident have buoyed Olmert's popularity, which has been in the doldrums since last year's was with Hezbollah. One poll showed his rating up 10 points. That stirred speculation that Netanyahu was vying for credit ahead of a future bid to retake top office.
"Best-case scenario -- he suffered a slip of the lip," said Hanan Krystal, political commentator for Israel Radio. "But we are reminded of the phrase that 'success has many fathers', which raises the possibility that he did this on purpose."
Even allies of the usually media-savvy Netanyahu allowed that his comments were perhaps unwise: "It wasn't one of the best statements to make," said Likud lawmaker Yuval Steinitz.
"But this will turn out to be a storm in a teacup."
Israeli opposition leader Benjamin Netanyahu has broken an official silence over Syria's accusations that Israel bombed its territory, hinting the reported mission was of strategic significance and a success.
Asked during an Israeli television interview on Wednesday to comment on "that operation that is so cloaked in secrecy," Netanyahu said: "I was privy to the matter from the outset and I gave my backing. But it's too early to be discussing this."
Netanyahu's remarks, broadcast live, flew in the face of Prime Minister Ehud Olmert government's refusal to talk about the September 6 incident and drew flak from rivals and allies alike who suggested the hawkish ex-premier was vying for credit.
Asked if he had congratulated Olmert on completion of the mission, the hawkish Likud party chief said: "In person? Yes."
Israeli media, chafing at two weeks of strict military censorship, headlined what they called the first public acknowledgement by Israel that it did indeed mount some form of incursion.
By noting that Olmert had consulted him before the incident, Netanyahu appeared to signal the operation had been especially important.
In the past, Israeli opposition leaders have been briefed in advance about some of the state's most daring exploits, such as the 1981 bombing of Iraq's nuclear reactor and the 1976 rescue of hijacked Israeli air passengers in Entebbe, Uganda.
Syrian officials have said that their air defenses forced Israeli jets to flee, dropping bombs harmlessly in the desert.
However, U.S. and other officials have said Israel attacked Syrian targets that may have had links to North Korean nuclear arms or Iranian weapons for Lebanon's Hezbollah group.
Olmert aides were quick to denounce Netanyahu -- though, seemingly mindful of orders imposing official silence, they did so only in off-record conversations with Israeli journalists.
"They think he wanted to brag but ended up showing just how reckless he can be," said Army Radio's political correspondent Ilil Shahar.
Opinion polls indicate that patchy reports on the Syrian incident have buoyed Olmert's popularity, which has been in the doldrums since last year's was with Hezbollah. One poll showed his rating up 10 points. That stirred speculation that Netanyahu was vying for credit ahead of a future bid to retake top office.
"Best-case scenario -- he suffered a slip of the lip," said Hanan Krystal, political commentator for Israel Radio. "But we are reminded of the phrase that 'success has many fathers', which raises the possibility that he did this on purpose."
Even allies of the usually media-savvy Netanyahu allowed that his comments were perhaps unwise: "It wasn't one of the best statements to make," said Likud lawmaker Yuval Steinitz.
"But this will turn out to be a storm in a teacup."
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
O.J. Simpson is in jail in Nevada, charged with armed robbery. On the bright side for O.J., the Vegas room that he’s in now in Vegas is fully comped.
They say that O.J. was involved in a robbery at a Las Vegas casino. There are a lot of different versions of what happened. Luckily, Patriots coach Bill Belichick was there and videotaped the whole thing.
Last week got a little dramatic; Sen. Hillary Clinton called Gen. Petraeus a liar. And believe me, if there’s one thing she knows, is how to spot a guy who’s lying.
In Boynton Beach, Fla., police issued an arrest warrant for a 27-year-old, male, high school drama teacher who had sex with two female high school students and got one of them pregnant. Of course, the community is stunned by this — a straight drama teacher? This is unheard of.
Conan O'Brien
Everybody is discussing O.J. Simpson. He was arrested yesterday for armed robbery in connection with a break in at a Las Vegas hotel. When the cops cuffed him and took him to jail, O.J. was thrilled and said, “I still got it.”
He continues to maintain his innocence. O.J. says there’s no way he committed the crime — because it’s not “murdery” enough.
In a new book Mexico’s former president, Vincente Fox, says that President Bush’s Spanish is at grade-school level. Fortunately, Bush’s feelings weren’t hurt because Fox made the comments in Spanish.
Over the weekend, Britney Spears said she will fight for custody of her kids because, “They mean the world to me.” Then Britney said, “That’s why I keep showing the world where they came from.”
Craig Ferguson
The Emmy Awards were last night. The buzz was all about who was gorgeous and the designer gowns . . . but enough about Ryan Seacrest.
Al Gore won an Emmy! That means his wife gets to go home with two heavy statues.
Today is National Citizenship Day. It’s is especially exciting for me because I’m still not a citizen. So I don’t get to go to the big Citizenship parties in Hollywood.
Couldn’t they just give me someone else’s citizenship? What about O.J. Simpson’s citizenship? You know what? I don’t want his . . . he’s already used his “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
Jay Leno
O.J. Simpson is in jail in Nevada, charged with armed robbery. On the bright side for O.J., the Vegas room that he’s in now in Vegas is fully comped.
They say that O.J. was involved in a robbery at a Las Vegas casino. There are a lot of different versions of what happened. Luckily, Patriots coach Bill Belichick was there and videotaped the whole thing.
Last week got a little dramatic; Sen. Hillary Clinton called Gen. Petraeus a liar. And believe me, if there’s one thing she knows, is how to spot a guy who’s lying.
In Boynton Beach, Fla., police issued an arrest warrant for a 27-year-old, male, high school drama teacher who had sex with two female high school students and got one of them pregnant. Of course, the community is stunned by this — a straight drama teacher? This is unheard of.
Conan O'Brien
Everybody is discussing O.J. Simpson. He was arrested yesterday for armed robbery in connection with a break in at a Las Vegas hotel. When the cops cuffed him and took him to jail, O.J. was thrilled and said, “I still got it.”
He continues to maintain his innocence. O.J. says there’s no way he committed the crime — because it’s not “murdery” enough.
In a new book Mexico’s former president, Vincente Fox, says that President Bush’s Spanish is at grade-school level. Fortunately, Bush’s feelings weren’t hurt because Fox made the comments in Spanish.
Over the weekend, Britney Spears said she will fight for custody of her kids because, “They mean the world to me.” Then Britney said, “That’s why I keep showing the world where they came from.”
Craig Ferguson
The Emmy Awards were last night. The buzz was all about who was gorgeous and the designer gowns . . . but enough about Ryan Seacrest.
Al Gore won an Emmy! That means his wife gets to go home with two heavy statues.
Today is National Citizenship Day. It’s is especially exciting for me because I’m still not a citizen. So I don’t get to go to the big Citizenship parties in Hollywood.
Couldn’t they just give me someone else’s citizenship? What about O.J. Simpson’s citizenship? You know what? I don’t want his . . . he’s already used his “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Hsu Bankrolled Vegas Fun for Hillary Staff
Disgraced Democratic fundraiser Norman Hsu celebrated Hillary Clinton’s re-election to the Senate last year by treating members of her staff to several days at the posh Mandalay Bay hotel and casino in Las Vegas.
The staffers – including Patti Solis Doyle, head of Clinton’s presidential campaign – also received free show tickets and enjoyed dinners at expensive Vegas restaurants during their November stay.
Clinton aides thought Hsu had gotten their rooms on a complimentary basis because he was a frequent guest at the hotel, according to the Los Angeles Times.
Hsu also paid for a hotel stay in Las Vegas for two Clinton campaign workers in April 2006, gave $75,000 to the University of Arkansas Clinton School of Public Service, and donated $30,000 to the Clinton Global Initiative.
Both of those donations were returned, as was $850,000 Hsu raised for Hillary, after it came to light that he was a fugitive.
Hsu was charged in 1991 with defrauding investors in a scheme to sell latex gloves. He pleaded no contest to felony grand theft and was to serve three years in prison, but he disappeared, apparently returning to his native Hong Kong.
He returned to the U.S. several years later and in 2003 began raising large sums in campaign contributions for Democrats. He was arrested in Colorado last week.
But “many questions remain about Hsu’s often murky career,” the Times observes.
“How could he rise to such heights, given that he had been a fugitive on a felony grand-theft charges since 1992?”
Hsu is reportedly also under investigation by the FBI, which is probing whether he paid so-called straw donors to send campaign contributions to Clinton and other candidates.
Disgraced Democratic fundraiser Norman Hsu celebrated Hillary Clinton’s re-election to the Senate last year by treating members of her staff to several days at the posh Mandalay Bay hotel and casino in Las Vegas.
The staffers – including Patti Solis Doyle, head of Clinton’s presidential campaign – also received free show tickets and enjoyed dinners at expensive Vegas restaurants during their November stay.
Clinton aides thought Hsu had gotten their rooms on a complimentary basis because he was a frequent guest at the hotel, according to the Los Angeles Times.
Hsu also paid for a hotel stay in Las Vegas for two Clinton campaign workers in April 2006, gave $75,000 to the University of Arkansas Clinton School of Public Service, and donated $30,000 to the Clinton Global Initiative.
Both of those donations were returned, as was $850,000 Hsu raised for Hillary, after it came to light that he was a fugitive.
Hsu was charged in 1991 with defrauding investors in a scheme to sell latex gloves. He pleaded no contest to felony grand theft and was to serve three years in prison, but he disappeared, apparently returning to his native Hong Kong.
He returned to the U.S. several years later and in 2003 began raising large sums in campaign contributions for Democrats. He was arrested in Colorado last week.
But “many questions remain about Hsu’s often murky career,” the Times observes.
“How could he rise to such heights, given that he had been a fugitive on a felony grand-theft charges since 1992?”
Hsu is reportedly also under investigation by the FBI, which is probing whether he paid so-called straw donors to send campaign contributions to Clinton and other candidates.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Fundraiser's Legal Woes Dog Clinton Camp
WASHINGTON -- Norman Hsu was the politicians' dream who became a nightmare. He knew people, hosted fundraisers, solicited donations. And he was an unabashed fan of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Now in disgrace, his role as one of Clinton's top money bundlers will dog him and her presidential campaign while law enforcement authorities investigate his business and political dealings.
Eager to sever her links to Hsu, the Clinton campaign this week returned $850,000 in contributions linked to his fundraising activities. But Hsu's troubles aren't over and the spotlight on his political connections won't recede easily.
Hsu is the latest poster boy for rogue fundraising, a man whose political shoulder rubbing reinvented him and then did him in. For Clinton, Hsu threatens to be an unwelcome reminder of the fundraising scandals that pursued her husband and the Democratic Party in the 1990s.
Joseph Birkenstock, a former general counsel for the Democratic National Committee, said it would be unfair to link her presidential campaign to 12-year-old instances of money laundering and Lincoln Bedroom sleepovers for major Democratic donors.
"But given her last name," he said, "the bar is somewhat higher for her politically than it would be for others."
Though Clinton was by far the biggest beneficiary of his fundraising, Hsu touched many with his largesse. Even Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau, who is leading one investigation of Hsu, received $2,000 from Hsu during his last re-election campaign. His spokeswoman says the district attorney has put the money into an escrow account pending the outcome of the investigation.
Hsu sat on the board of trustees of The New School, whose president is former Sen. Bob Kerrey, D-Neb. He was co-chairman of a gala New York benefit last October in honor of the late Robert F. Kennedy. Bill Clinton, there to receive an award, thanked the evening's benefactors, "especially our friend Norman Hsu."
Now, the Manhattan prosecutor is investigating whether Hsu used a financing scheme to steal $40 million from Source Financing, an investment fund founded by one of the organizers of the 1969 Woodstock rock festival.
Law enforcement authorities say the FBI also is investigating whether Hsu used straw donors to contribute to political candidates, reimbursing them for their donations in violation of federal law.
Meanwhile, Hsu is in a Colorado county jail, held for skipping a court appearance in California on an outstanding fugitive warrant. Hsu pleaded no contest in 1992 to a felony charge stemming from what prosecutors said was a $1 million Ponzi scheme. He was expected to serve up to three years in prison, but fled California before he was sentenced and seemingly disappeared.
The Los Angeles Times revealed his fugitive status last month after The Wall Street Journal raised questions about his fundraising practices.
Hsu turned himself in on Aug. 31 in Redwood City, Calif., and posted the $2 million bail with a cashier's check. But he failed to show up in court for a Sept. 5 appearance. The following day he was discovered ailing in an Amtrak train, while worried acquaintances in New York fretted over a suicide note that bore his name.
The note arrived last week in the office of the Innocence Project, a legal group that helps prove prisoners' innocence through DNA testing. Innocence Project officials were so alarmed by the note _ sent by FedEx _ that they promptly notified the authorities.
With its dramatic twists and multiple prongs, Hsu's case has provided a steady diet of news stories over the past three weeks.
That the Clinton campaign _ and other Democratic candidates _ had failed to detect his status as a fugitive has prompted Clinton and her rival John Edwards to announce that they will now conduct criminal background checks on their fundraisers.
Federal law permits donors to give only $2,300 to candidates for each election. But in a presidential campaign where candidates are raising millions and forgoing public financing, fundraisers who can solicit and bundle money for candidates are highly prized.
"It is surprising to me, given the fact that cumulatively the presidential campaigns have raised in excess of $250 million dollars, to have only one individual rise to the top as a problem," said Paul W. Houghtaling, a political finance expert who was hired by the DNC to set up a compliance system after the 1996 scandals.
Jenny Backus, a Democratic consultant not affiliated with any campaign, predicted more campaigns would encounter their own fundraising troubles.
"This campaign cycle is so awash in money and people are raising money at such a rapid pace, I don't think that there is just one Norman Hsu out there and I don't think this is going to be an issue that hits just one party," she said.
In returning the money to donors, the Clinton campaign said donors could contribute again if they demonstrate that the money is coming from their own funds. This week, Clinton told reporters, "I believe that the vast majority of those 200-plus donors are perfectly capable of making up their own minds about what they will or won't do going forward."
How much of the money Clinton can recoup remains to be seen.
"I'd be surprised if they get much of that money back," said Birkenstock, the former DNC counsel. "The feeling is, if it was not good enough before, why is it good enough now?"
Houghtaling predicted only 10 percent of the donors would contribute again. He said the Clinton camp could have simply sent letters to donors asking them to verify that the money came from their own funds, returning money that could not be justified.
"But they created more of a controversy by summarily returning $850,000 without asking any questions," he said.
John Catsimatidis, a longtime Clinton fundraiser, said many of Hsu's donors are probably legitimate contributors and said he would not have returned the money.
"I would have probably put it in escrow someplace."
WASHINGTON -- Norman Hsu was the politicians' dream who became a nightmare. He knew people, hosted fundraisers, solicited donations. And he was an unabashed fan of Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Now in disgrace, his role as one of Clinton's top money bundlers will dog him and her presidential campaign while law enforcement authorities investigate his business and political dealings.
Eager to sever her links to Hsu, the Clinton campaign this week returned $850,000 in contributions linked to his fundraising activities. But Hsu's troubles aren't over and the spotlight on his political connections won't recede easily.
Hsu is the latest poster boy for rogue fundraising, a man whose political shoulder rubbing reinvented him and then did him in. For Clinton, Hsu threatens to be an unwelcome reminder of the fundraising scandals that pursued her husband and the Democratic Party in the 1990s.
Joseph Birkenstock, a former general counsel for the Democratic National Committee, said it would be unfair to link her presidential campaign to 12-year-old instances of money laundering and Lincoln Bedroom sleepovers for major Democratic donors.
"But given her last name," he said, "the bar is somewhat higher for her politically than it would be for others."
Though Clinton was by far the biggest beneficiary of his fundraising, Hsu touched many with his largesse. Even Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau, who is leading one investigation of Hsu, received $2,000 from Hsu during his last re-election campaign. His spokeswoman says the district attorney has put the money into an escrow account pending the outcome of the investigation.
Hsu sat on the board of trustees of The New School, whose president is former Sen. Bob Kerrey, D-Neb. He was co-chairman of a gala New York benefit last October in honor of the late Robert F. Kennedy. Bill Clinton, there to receive an award, thanked the evening's benefactors, "especially our friend Norman Hsu."
Now, the Manhattan prosecutor is investigating whether Hsu used a financing scheme to steal $40 million from Source Financing, an investment fund founded by one of the organizers of the 1969 Woodstock rock festival.
Law enforcement authorities say the FBI also is investigating whether Hsu used straw donors to contribute to political candidates, reimbursing them for their donations in violation of federal law.
Meanwhile, Hsu is in a Colorado county jail, held for skipping a court appearance in California on an outstanding fugitive warrant. Hsu pleaded no contest in 1992 to a felony charge stemming from what prosecutors said was a $1 million Ponzi scheme. He was expected to serve up to three years in prison, but fled California before he was sentenced and seemingly disappeared.
The Los Angeles Times revealed his fugitive status last month after The Wall Street Journal raised questions about his fundraising practices.
Hsu turned himself in on Aug. 31 in Redwood City, Calif., and posted the $2 million bail with a cashier's check. But he failed to show up in court for a Sept. 5 appearance. The following day he was discovered ailing in an Amtrak train, while worried acquaintances in New York fretted over a suicide note that bore his name.
The note arrived last week in the office of the Innocence Project, a legal group that helps prove prisoners' innocence through DNA testing. Innocence Project officials were so alarmed by the note _ sent by FedEx _ that they promptly notified the authorities.
With its dramatic twists and multiple prongs, Hsu's case has provided a steady diet of news stories over the past three weeks.
That the Clinton campaign _ and other Democratic candidates _ had failed to detect his status as a fugitive has prompted Clinton and her rival John Edwards to announce that they will now conduct criminal background checks on their fundraisers.
Federal law permits donors to give only $2,300 to candidates for each election. But in a presidential campaign where candidates are raising millions and forgoing public financing, fundraisers who can solicit and bundle money for candidates are highly prized.
"It is surprising to me, given the fact that cumulatively the presidential campaigns have raised in excess of $250 million dollars, to have only one individual rise to the top as a problem," said Paul W. Houghtaling, a political finance expert who was hired by the DNC to set up a compliance system after the 1996 scandals.
Jenny Backus, a Democratic consultant not affiliated with any campaign, predicted more campaigns would encounter their own fundraising troubles.
"This campaign cycle is so awash in money and people are raising money at such a rapid pace, I don't think that there is just one Norman Hsu out there and I don't think this is going to be an issue that hits just one party," she said.
In returning the money to donors, the Clinton campaign said donors could contribute again if they demonstrate that the money is coming from their own funds. This week, Clinton told reporters, "I believe that the vast majority of those 200-plus donors are perfectly capable of making up their own minds about what they will or won't do going forward."
How much of the money Clinton can recoup remains to be seen.
"I'd be surprised if they get much of that money back," said Birkenstock, the former DNC counsel. "The feeling is, if it was not good enough before, why is it good enough now?"
Houghtaling predicted only 10 percent of the donors would contribute again. He said the Clinton camp could have simply sent letters to donors asking them to verify that the money came from their own funds, returning money that could not be justified.
"But they created more of a controversy by summarily returning $850,000 without asking any questions," he said.
John Catsimatidis, a longtime Clinton fundraiser, said many of Hsu's donors are probably legitimate contributors and said he would not have returned the money.
"I would have probably put it in escrow someplace."
Saturday, September 15, 2007
French Warn War with Iran Coming
French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner said on Sunday his country had to prepare for the possibility of war against Iran over its nuclear program, but he did not believe any such action was imminent.
Speaking in an interview on RTL radio and LCI television, Kouchner said the world's biggest powers should use further sanctions to show they were serious about stopping Tehran getting atom bombs before it came to war.
"We must prepare for the worst," Kouchner said, adding: "The worst, sir, is war."
Asked if France was involved in any planning towards war, he said: "The French army is not at the moment associated with anything at all, nor with any maneuver at all."
Tehran insists it only wants to master nuclear technology to produce electricity, but it has yet to comply with repeated U.N. demands that it halt uranium enrichment and other sensitive work that could potentially be used in producing weapons.
Kouchner's comments follow a similarly hawkish statement by French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who said last month in his first major foreign policy speech since taking office that a diplomatic push by the world's powers was the only alternative to "an Iranian bomb or the bombing of Iran."
France has said repeatedly it wants the U.N. Security Council to pass tougher sanctions against Iran over its failure to dispel fears that it is secretly pursuing nuclear weapons.
"We do not want to signal anything other than 'peace is in your interest, and in ours too,"' Kouchner said.
Asked whether he believed U.S. President George W. Bush would launch air strikes against Iran before the end of his term of office, he said: "Honestly, I don't think we've reached that stage, not at all. At least I hope so."
French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner said on Sunday his country had to prepare for the possibility of war against Iran over its nuclear program, but he did not believe any such action was imminent.
Speaking in an interview on RTL radio and LCI television, Kouchner said the world's biggest powers should use further sanctions to show they were serious about stopping Tehran getting atom bombs before it came to war.
"We must prepare for the worst," Kouchner said, adding: "The worst, sir, is war."
Asked if France was involved in any planning towards war, he said: "The French army is not at the moment associated with anything at all, nor with any maneuver at all."
Tehran insists it only wants to master nuclear technology to produce electricity, but it has yet to comply with repeated U.N. demands that it halt uranium enrichment and other sensitive work that could potentially be used in producing weapons.
Kouchner's comments follow a similarly hawkish statement by French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who said last month in his first major foreign policy speech since taking office that a diplomatic push by the world's powers was the only alternative to "an Iranian bomb or the bombing of Iran."
France has said repeatedly it wants the U.N. Security Council to pass tougher sanctions against Iran over its failure to dispel fears that it is secretly pursuing nuclear weapons.
"We do not want to signal anything other than 'peace is in your interest, and in ours too,"' Kouchner said.
Asked whether he believed U.S. President George W. Bush would launch air strikes against Iran before the end of his term of office, he said: "Honestly, I don't think we've reached that stage, not at all. At least I hope so."
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Idaho Sen. Larry Craig announced that he believes the United States is making progress in Iraq thanks to the troop surge . . . After he made the announcement the guy in the next stall said, "You want to keep it down, buddy?"
Prison officials in New Jersey, this week, had to use tear gas to break up a prison riot. You know what they call tear gas in New Jersey? Air freshener.
A dress that Carol Channing was going to donate to the Smithsonian has been stolen from a hotel in Hollywood. So I guess we now know what Ryan Seacrest will be wearing when he hosts the Emmys this Sunday.
Officials in Ventura County, California, have sued miss Ventura County California 2005 . . . a woman named Hillary Gushwa. She has to return her crown after they found out she was married when she won. But she says it doesn't count because she was too drunk at the time to remember her own wedding. So Britney, you are not alone.
David Letterman
Can you tell that it’s autumn? I’m telling you — down at Times Square this morning, there was frost on the hookers.
Later in Central Park, I saw a nut gathering squirrels.
The state of Texas found what they believe to be the last know letter to be written by Davy Crockett. They believe it was a love note to Joan Rivers.
According to a new study, polar bears will probably be extinct by the year 2050. So enjoy eating them while you can.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Not Going To Win An Emmy
10. You've been described as Hasselhoff-esque
9. It's a reality show about people looking for a good deal on patio furniture
7. Once a week you get your ass kicked on one of them Mexican talk shows
6. Only laugh you've heard all year was when the judges received your ballot
5. Hoping to get nominated for writing Osama's latest hate-fueled rant
4. Show is just YouTube video of you getting hit in nuts
3. Your show is even more confusing than "Lost"
Conan O'Brien
President Bush addressed the nation about Iraq last night. The aired on all three networks and was secretly videotaped by the New England Patriots.
The New England Patriots were penalized because they were caught cheating during last week’s game. Coach Belichick had to give up a first round draft pick, and quarterback Tom Brady had to give up one of his supermodels.
In a speech yesterday, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said that if Republicans want to win, they have to become more like him. I think they’re taking his advice, because today Mitt Romney gave a speech with a dozen walnuts in his mouth.
It’s been rumored that Britney Spears will appear on the Emmy Awards to apologize for her performance on the MTV Awards. Then Britney will appear on the Grammys to apologize for her performance at the Emmys.
Craig Ferguson
The organizers of the 2012 London Olympics announced this week that they’re installing extra wide seats in their stadiums to accommodate really big British asses. It’s true! Apparently they’ve got really big asses in Britain. We have a picture of one. [Pictured: Simon Cowell.]
Lamborghini announced they’ve sold out of their new car, the Revington. This is a car that costs $1.4 million. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just tell everyone you’ve got a really small wiener?
The world air guitar championships were held in Finland. The winner celebrated by going back to his hotel and having sex with imaginary groupies.
I’d like to say that I’ve never done that myself. I’d like to say that . . .
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
O.J. is the suspect of an unusual robbery. Police are investigating whether O.J. and five other men he met at a wedding earlier that night broke into a room and stole a bunch of O.J.-related memorabilia. O.J. says it wasn’t a crime because the memorabilia was stolen from him in the first place. He says he was conducting a sting operation. I love that O.J. met five other guys at a wedding and convinced them to become part of his “sting” operation.
O.J. says the whole thing was just a misunderstanding, but just to be on the safe side, he threw a couple of fake beards and sack full of 20s in his trunk.
O.J.’s new book is doing so well on Amazon.com right now, he is planning to release a book from this situation. It’s called “How I would’ve Stolen the Sports Memorabilia From a Sports Hotel Room in Vegas — Which I didn’t Do — but if I Did.”
It’s actually a pop-up book [Pictured: pop-up book with pop-up knife inside.]
Jay Leno
Idaho Sen. Larry Craig announced that he believes the United States is making progress in Iraq thanks to the troop surge . . . After he made the announcement the guy in the next stall said, "You want to keep it down, buddy?"
Prison officials in New Jersey, this week, had to use tear gas to break up a prison riot. You know what they call tear gas in New Jersey? Air freshener.
A dress that Carol Channing was going to donate to the Smithsonian has been stolen from a hotel in Hollywood. So I guess we now know what Ryan Seacrest will be wearing when he hosts the Emmys this Sunday.
Officials in Ventura County, California, have sued miss Ventura County California 2005 . . . a woman named Hillary Gushwa. She has to return her crown after they found out she was married when she won. But she says it doesn't count because she was too drunk at the time to remember her own wedding. So Britney, you are not alone.
David Letterman
Can you tell that it’s autumn? I’m telling you — down at Times Square this morning, there was frost on the hookers.
Later in Central Park, I saw a nut gathering squirrels.
The state of Texas found what they believe to be the last know letter to be written by Davy Crockett. They believe it was a love note to Joan Rivers.
According to a new study, polar bears will probably be extinct by the year 2050. So enjoy eating them while you can.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Not Going To Win An Emmy
10. You've been described as Hasselhoff-esque
9. It's a reality show about people looking for a good deal on patio furniture
7. Once a week you get your ass kicked on one of them Mexican talk shows
6. Only laugh you've heard all year was when the judges received your ballot
5. Hoping to get nominated for writing Osama's latest hate-fueled rant
4. Show is just YouTube video of you getting hit in nuts
3. Your show is even more confusing than "Lost"
Conan O'Brien
President Bush addressed the nation about Iraq last night. The aired on all three networks and was secretly videotaped by the New England Patriots.
The New England Patriots were penalized because they were caught cheating during last week’s game. Coach Belichick had to give up a first round draft pick, and quarterback Tom Brady had to give up one of his supermodels.
In a speech yesterday, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said that if Republicans want to win, they have to become more like him. I think they’re taking his advice, because today Mitt Romney gave a speech with a dozen walnuts in his mouth.
It’s been rumored that Britney Spears will appear on the Emmy Awards to apologize for her performance on the MTV Awards. Then Britney will appear on the Grammys to apologize for her performance at the Emmys.
Craig Ferguson
The organizers of the 2012 London Olympics announced this week that they’re installing extra wide seats in their stadiums to accommodate really big British asses. It’s true! Apparently they’ve got really big asses in Britain. We have a picture of one. [Pictured: Simon Cowell.]
Lamborghini announced they’ve sold out of their new car, the Revington. This is a car that costs $1.4 million. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just tell everyone you’ve got a really small wiener?
The world air guitar championships were held in Finland. The winner celebrated by going back to his hotel and having sex with imaginary groupies.
I’d like to say that I’ve never done that myself. I’d like to say that . . .
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
O.J. is the suspect of an unusual robbery. Police are investigating whether O.J. and five other men he met at a wedding earlier that night broke into a room and stole a bunch of O.J.-related memorabilia. O.J. says it wasn’t a crime because the memorabilia was stolen from him in the first place. He says he was conducting a sting operation. I love that O.J. met five other guys at a wedding and convinced them to become part of his “sting” operation.
O.J. says the whole thing was just a misunderstanding, but just to be on the safe side, he threw a couple of fake beards and sack full of 20s in his trunk.
O.J.’s new book is doing so well on Amazon.com right now, he is planning to release a book from this situation. It’s called “How I would’ve Stolen the Sports Memorabilia From a Sports Hotel Room in Vegas — Which I didn’t Do — but if I Did.”
It’s actually a pop-up book [Pictured: pop-up book with pop-up knife inside.]
Friday, September 14, 2007
Giuliani: Clinton Smeared Gen. Petraeus
Republican presidential contender Rudy Giuliani on Thursday accused Democratic rival Hillary Rodham Clinton of participating in "character assassination" for questioning Gen. David Petraeus about his assessment of progress in Iraq.
Clinton, a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, was one of several Democrats and some Republicans who expressed skepticism with President Bush's top military general's more positive outlook on Iraq than recent independent reviews.
Petraeus and U.S. Ambassador Ryan Crocker told Congress Iraq remains largely dysfunctional but said violence in recent months had decreased since the influx of 30,000 additional troops earlier this year.
"The reports that you provide to us really require the willing suspension of disbelief," Clinton said Tuesday.
Campaigning in Georgia, Giuliani assailed Clinton for the second straight day and tried to link her to a newspaper ad from the liberal anti-war group MoveOn critical of Petraeus. The ad accused Petraeus of "cooking the books" for the White House. "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?" it asked, playing off his name.
MoveOn is an independent organization.
"We believe, unlike Hillary Clinton, that General Petraeus is telling the truth," Giuliani said.
Calling the ad abominable, Giuliani said Clinton's comments followed up on it "in a very, very coincidental way."
He added, "What I don't think should happen in political discourse is the kind of character assassination that MoveOn.org participated in in calling him General Betray Us, that The New York Times gave them a discount to do and that Hillary Clinton followed up on with an attack on his integrity."
He also said, "It is time for Americans to really insist that American politicians move beyond character assassination and this is exactly what they attempted to do with General Petraeus."
"Maybe you can disagree with his tactics," Giuliani said of Petraeus. "I agree with them, but you have no right to disagree with his integrity."
"Their excessive political zeal led them to character assassination," he said
Giuliani made the comments after shaking hands with a the lunchtime crowd eating fried green tomatoes at the OK Cafe in Atlanta. A version of the old Georgia flag, which contains the Confederate battle emblem, hung on the wall.
Responding to reporters' questions outside the restaurant, Giuliani repeated his contention that illegal immigration is not a crime.
"It's up to the U.S. Congress to decide that, and the U.S. law books say that crossing the border without permission is a misdemeanor. Other than that, it's not a crime," he said.
"Congress tried to make it a crime, but didn't make it a crime, so that's a question of law, not political rhetoric or political spinning or political position."
He quickly changed the subject.
Guiliani also headlined three fundraisers in the state Thursday.
Republican presidential contender Rudy Giuliani on Thursday accused Democratic rival Hillary Rodham Clinton of participating in "character assassination" for questioning Gen. David Petraeus about his assessment of progress in Iraq.
Clinton, a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, was one of several Democrats and some Republicans who expressed skepticism with President Bush's top military general's more positive outlook on Iraq than recent independent reviews.
Petraeus and U.S. Ambassador Ryan Crocker told Congress Iraq remains largely dysfunctional but said violence in recent months had decreased since the influx of 30,000 additional troops earlier this year.
"The reports that you provide to us really require the willing suspension of disbelief," Clinton said Tuesday.
Campaigning in Georgia, Giuliani assailed Clinton for the second straight day and tried to link her to a newspaper ad from the liberal anti-war group MoveOn critical of Petraeus. The ad accused Petraeus of "cooking the books" for the White House. "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?" it asked, playing off his name.
MoveOn is an independent organization.
"We believe, unlike Hillary Clinton, that General Petraeus is telling the truth," Giuliani said.
Calling the ad abominable, Giuliani said Clinton's comments followed up on it "in a very, very coincidental way."
He added, "What I don't think should happen in political discourse is the kind of character assassination that MoveOn.org participated in in calling him General Betray Us, that The New York Times gave them a discount to do and that Hillary Clinton followed up on with an attack on his integrity."
He also said, "It is time for Americans to really insist that American politicians move beyond character assassination and this is exactly what they attempted to do with General Petraeus."
"Maybe you can disagree with his tactics," Giuliani said of Petraeus. "I agree with them, but you have no right to disagree with his integrity."
"Their excessive political zeal led them to character assassination," he said
Giuliani made the comments after shaking hands with a the lunchtime crowd eating fried green tomatoes at the OK Cafe in Atlanta. A version of the old Georgia flag, which contains the Confederate battle emblem, hung on the wall.
Responding to reporters' questions outside the restaurant, Giuliani repeated his contention that illegal immigration is not a crime.
"It's up to the U.S. Congress to decide that, and the U.S. law books say that crossing the border without permission is a misdemeanor. Other than that, it's not a crime," he said.
"Congress tried to make it a crime, but didn't make it a crime, so that's a question of law, not political rhetoric or political spinning or political position."
He quickly changed the subject.
Guiliani also headlined three fundraisers in the state Thursday.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
In Newark N.J., officials have begun posting names on the Internet of men who get caught visiting hookers. I don't know . . . is this a good idea? Giving the hookers a big client base to draw from?
Well, police across the country now say they're arresting more and more illegals who are prostitutes. But proponents say, "No, no. They're just doing guys American hookers will not do."
Football news. What's new with the Steelers? Not the Pittsburgh Steelers, the signal stealing New England Patriots?
The NFL is investigating whether or not the New England Patriots cheated during last Sunday's game by videotaping the opposing coaches and stealing their hand signals . . . This could turn out to be the worst scandal involving hand signals since Sen. Larry Craig got caught in that men's room.
David Letterman
How about this Chinese lead paint on toys? The have finally agreed to ban the use of lead paint on toys. However, they will continue to use it on sweet and sour chicken.
The name of Rosie O’Donnell’s new book is, “Take the Pound Cake.”
In it, Rosie O’Donnell says Barbara Walters is tired. You know, Rosie, at this point, we’re all getting a little tired . . .
Earlier today she was at Barnes & Noble for a book signing and arm wrestling.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Billy Bob Thornton Would Like To Say To America
10. "I was drunk when I agreed to do this list"
8. "I hope all that money doesn't change Leona Helmsley's dog"
7. "It's not easy being the most famous guy on the planet named Billy Bob"
6. "I based my character in 'Sling Blade' on Letterman"
4. "Even I find myself a little strange"
2. "I traded my Academy Award for a chimpanzee named Marty"
1. "People ask if there are any projects I've done that I regret. You're looking at it"
Conan O'Brien
Bill Clinton is promoting his new book. In an interview, Former President Bill Clinton says although most people don’t know it, Hillary has the best laugh. Bill added, “I get to hear it every time she pushes me down the stairs.”
Earlier tonight, President Bush gave his eighth speech about Iraq. He promised to have the troops home by speech No. 73.
Starbucks is considering adding a line of drinks that appeals to children. All Starbucks has to do now is figure out how to get kids to pay 12 bucks for a juice box.
Yesterday was Conception Day in Russia, where Russians were encouraged to have sex in order to increase their population. In the spirit of international cooperation, America sent Charlie Sheen.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for the rock star Sting. He was photographed leaving a brothel in Germany. He’s on tour. He may have to change the name of his song: “Every Little Thing She Does Costs Money.”
“Message in a Brothel.”
The city of Los Angeles has named a whole city block after Larry King. Larry is very proud: “My block is right behind the gas company.” So, to get there you've got to pass gas.
You know you’ve made it when you get part of the city named after you: John Wayne Airport, Johnny Carson Park, Ryan Seacrest Closet . . .
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It looks like rapper Kanye West won that contest with 50 Cent. Both their albums came out on Tuesday. Kanye sold more albums, but 50 Cent sold more drugs.
All President Bush talks about is Gen. Petraeus. Aides say the president went though 20 drafts of his speech for last night. They say he still doesn’t know what it means: Something about Iraq, a lot about Petraeus . . .
More bad news for Britney. Her new song debuted at No. 85. Things don’t look great. But there was one ray of sunshine: Help is on the way in the form of the cast of "American Idol.” They said, “Collectively, we are going to mange Britney Spears. We are going to extend an offer.” Maybe before helping Britney Spears get on track, they should concentrate on getting Paula Abdul straightened out.
Jay Leno
In Newark N.J., officials have begun posting names on the Internet of men who get caught visiting hookers. I don't know . . . is this a good idea? Giving the hookers a big client base to draw from?
Well, police across the country now say they're arresting more and more illegals who are prostitutes. But proponents say, "No, no. They're just doing guys American hookers will not do."
Football news. What's new with the Steelers? Not the Pittsburgh Steelers, the signal stealing New England Patriots?
The NFL is investigating whether or not the New England Patriots cheated during last Sunday's game by videotaping the opposing coaches and stealing their hand signals . . . This could turn out to be the worst scandal involving hand signals since Sen. Larry Craig got caught in that men's room.
David Letterman
How about this Chinese lead paint on toys? The have finally agreed to ban the use of lead paint on toys. However, they will continue to use it on sweet and sour chicken.
The name of Rosie O’Donnell’s new book is, “Take the Pound Cake.”
In it, Rosie O’Donnell says Barbara Walters is tired. You know, Rosie, at this point, we’re all getting a little tired . . .
Earlier today she was at Barnes & Noble for a book signing and arm wrestling.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Billy Bob Thornton Would Like To Say To America
10. "I was drunk when I agreed to do this list"
8. "I hope all that money doesn't change Leona Helmsley's dog"
7. "It's not easy being the most famous guy on the planet named Billy Bob"
6. "I based my character in 'Sling Blade' on Letterman"
4. "Even I find myself a little strange"
2. "I traded my Academy Award for a chimpanzee named Marty"
1. "People ask if there are any projects I've done that I regret. You're looking at it"
Conan O'Brien
Bill Clinton is promoting his new book. In an interview, Former President Bill Clinton says although most people don’t know it, Hillary has the best laugh. Bill added, “I get to hear it every time she pushes me down the stairs.”
Earlier tonight, President Bush gave his eighth speech about Iraq. He promised to have the troops home by speech No. 73.
Starbucks is considering adding a line of drinks that appeals to children. All Starbucks has to do now is figure out how to get kids to pay 12 bucks for a juice box.
Yesterday was Conception Day in Russia, where Russians were encouraged to have sex in order to increase their population. In the spirit of international cooperation, America sent Charlie Sheen.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for the rock star Sting. He was photographed leaving a brothel in Germany. He’s on tour. He may have to change the name of his song: “Every Little Thing She Does Costs Money.”
“Message in a Brothel.”
The city of Los Angeles has named a whole city block after Larry King. Larry is very proud: “My block is right behind the gas company.” So, to get there you've got to pass gas.
You know you’ve made it when you get part of the city named after you: John Wayne Airport, Johnny Carson Park, Ryan Seacrest Closet . . .
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It looks like rapper Kanye West won that contest with 50 Cent. Both their albums came out on Tuesday. Kanye sold more albums, but 50 Cent sold more drugs.
All President Bush talks about is Gen. Petraeus. Aides say the president went though 20 drafts of his speech for last night. They say he still doesn’t know what it means: Something about Iraq, a lot about Petraeus . . .
More bad news for Britney. Her new song debuted at No. 85. Things don’t look great. But there was one ray of sunshine: Help is on the way in the form of the cast of "American Idol.” They said, “Collectively, we are going to mange Britney Spears. We are going to extend an offer.” Maybe before helping Britney Spears get on track, they should concentrate on getting Paula Abdul straightened out.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Bush Rating on Iraq Improves
Approval of President George W. Bush's handling of the Iraq war has risen, according to a poll released on Wednesday on the eve of a speech by Bush in which he is expected to endorse a plan for a gradual troop withdrawal.
Just 30 percent of Americans approve of Bush's handling of Iraq, but that was an 8-point jump from July, said the latest NBC/Wall Street Journal poll.
The boost came primarily from Republicans, men and independents, NBC reported.
In his televised speech on Thursday night, Bush is expected to accept the recommendation of the U.S. commander in Iraq to draw down about 30,000 "surge" forces by next summer.
The plan by Gen. David Petraeus would bring U.S. troop numbers down to about 130,000, roughly the level before Bush ordered a troop increase in January to help stabilize Baghdad.
Senate Democrats already have rejected the Petraeus plan, saying it falls far short of what American wanted.
Fifty-six percent of Americans said the war was not worth the U.S. casualties or the costs involved, compared with 35 percent who believed ousting Saddam Hussein was worth it, the NBC/Wall Street Journal survey found.
More than 3,700 U.S. troops and tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed since the war began in 2003.
Asked what was the most acceptable outcome to the war, 24 percent of those polled said U.S. troops should remain in Iraq until it became a stable democracy, while 26 percent wanted the troops to leave now and 37 percent wanted them to leave within the next year, NBC reported.
The poll of 1,002 adults was taken from Friday to Monday and had a margin of error of plus or minus 3.1 percentage points.
Approval of President George W. Bush's handling of the Iraq war has risen, according to a poll released on Wednesday on the eve of a speech by Bush in which he is expected to endorse a plan for a gradual troop withdrawal.
Just 30 percent of Americans approve of Bush's handling of Iraq, but that was an 8-point jump from July, said the latest NBC/Wall Street Journal poll.
The boost came primarily from Republicans, men and independents, NBC reported.
In his televised speech on Thursday night, Bush is expected to accept the recommendation of the U.S. commander in Iraq to draw down about 30,000 "surge" forces by next summer.
The plan by Gen. David Petraeus would bring U.S. troop numbers down to about 130,000, roughly the level before Bush ordered a troop increase in January to help stabilize Baghdad.
Senate Democrats already have rejected the Petraeus plan, saying it falls far short of what American wanted.
Fifty-six percent of Americans said the war was not worth the U.S. casualties or the costs involved, compared with 35 percent who believed ousting Saddam Hussein was worth it, the NBC/Wall Street Journal survey found.
More than 3,700 U.S. troops and tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed since the war began in 2003.
Asked what was the most acceptable outcome to the war, 24 percent of those polled said U.S. troops should remain in Iraq until it became a stable democracy, while 26 percent wanted the troops to leave now and 37 percent wanted them to leave within the next year, NBC reported.
The poll of 1,002 adults was taken from Friday to Monday and had a margin of error of plus or minus 3.1 percentage points.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
A New Orleans prostitute has come forward and said that she had sex with married Louisiana Sen. David Vitter, two or three times a week over a four month period. Actually, this is good news for the Republicans: finally a sex scandal involving a woman. The Republicans are back to traditional family values.
China announced today they are recalling tens of thousands of Chinese-made condoms. First it was toothpaste, then dog food, then toys, now condoms. Do you realize the safest thing from china now is illegal fireworks?
They say that Britney Spears is already working on her next career move. Trying to come back from her comeback.
I understand this whole situation has made Britney Spears kids very nervous. Because of the way her performance went the other night, the kids are afraid that she might quit show business and become a full time mom.
David Letterman
Happy Rosh Hashana. It’s the Jewish New Year — and the year is 5768. It’s funny — I’m still writing 5767 on my checks.
Beautiful autumn day in New York City. It’s so, nice Kid Rock and Tommy Lee were fighting over a kite.
Rosie O’Donnell has a brand new book. And in the book, she calls Donald Trump a slug. A slug! Which had slugs asking their friends, “Does my hair look that bad?”
How about that Sen. Craig? He wants to withdraw that guilty plea. And I’m thinking, “What he should have withdrawn was his foot from that other guy’s stall.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Twelve Reasons I Love Racing
10. "Between the G-forces and the fumes, I'm loopy most of the time"
9. "Switch the 'R' and 'C' in 'Racing' and you get 'Caring'"
8. "Can hold 8 gigs of music on my new iHelmet"
5. "You can talk to your car and pretend you're David Hasselhoff"
4. "How many people can say their 'office' goes 200 miles per hour?"
3. "Driving fast and starting fights"
2. "It's not one of those sports you have to inject stuff in your ass to be good"
1. "Unlike most guys, I like it when my wife says, 'You're too fast'"
Conan O'Brien
Big football scandal. The New England Patriots have been accused of cheating in last week’s game by videotaping the coach’s signals. Now the Patriots know the Jets' signs for “fumble, give up a touchdown, and lose.”
Yesterday, Gen. Petraeus testified before the Senate for 10 hours with just two bathroom breaks. During the same period, Sen. Craig took 73 bathroom breaks.
"In China, a group of workers who make toys for Disney say they are forced to work 28 days a month, and up to 15 hours a day. A spokesman for the Chinese factory said, “Look — these toys aren’t going to lead-paint themselves.”
Last week prison guards had to use tear gas to break up prison riots in New Jersey. When the tear gas didn’t work, the guards sprayed the prisoners with New Jersey air.
Craig Ferguson
It’s great day for Russia. It’s calling today Conception Day. The Russian government is urging citizens to forget about their jobs today, and just make babies. We in the states — it’s Wednesday — we call it hump day.
If this country’s a-rockin, don’t come a-knockin!
The 2008 “Old Farmer’s Almanac” comes out today. It’s America’s oldest periodical. It’s been around since 1792. It’s like Larry King in old papery form. Like Larry King.
I love the ads. You can get an all-purpose hoe. The L.A. newspapers have ads for that. But you have to pay extra for “all purpose.”
Jimmy Kimmel
Happy Jewish New Year to those who are celebrating tonight. And I think two weeks from tonight is the Chinese Jewish New Year.
Here’s some good news: There are new estimates that the average life expectancy of the United States citizen has gone up: 80.4 years old for women, 75.2 years old for men. Finally, all that pomegranate juice is paying off.
There was a Monday night football double–header with Mike Ditka doing commentary. [Video of Mike Ditka grabbing his crotch.] You can see clearly the illegal use of hands.
There might be a little “holding” too, I don’t know.
Jay Leno
A New Orleans prostitute has come forward and said that she had sex with married Louisiana Sen. David Vitter, two or three times a week over a four month period. Actually, this is good news for the Republicans: finally a sex scandal involving a woman. The Republicans are back to traditional family values.
China announced today they are recalling tens of thousands of Chinese-made condoms. First it was toothpaste, then dog food, then toys, now condoms. Do you realize the safest thing from china now is illegal fireworks?
They say that Britney Spears is already working on her next career move. Trying to come back from her comeback.
I understand this whole situation has made Britney Spears kids very nervous. Because of the way her performance went the other night, the kids are afraid that she might quit show business and become a full time mom.
David Letterman
Happy Rosh Hashana. It’s the Jewish New Year — and the year is 5768. It’s funny — I’m still writing 5767 on my checks.
Beautiful autumn day in New York City. It’s so, nice Kid Rock and Tommy Lee were fighting over a kite.
Rosie O’Donnell has a brand new book. And in the book, she calls Donald Trump a slug. A slug! Which had slugs asking their friends, “Does my hair look that bad?”
How about that Sen. Craig? He wants to withdraw that guilty plea. And I’m thinking, “What he should have withdrawn was his foot from that other guy’s stall.”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Twelve Reasons I Love Racing
10. "Between the G-forces and the fumes, I'm loopy most of the time"
9. "Switch the 'R' and 'C' in 'Racing' and you get 'Caring'"
8. "Can hold 8 gigs of music on my new iHelmet"
5. "You can talk to your car and pretend you're David Hasselhoff"
4. "How many people can say their 'office' goes 200 miles per hour?"
3. "Driving fast and starting fights"
2. "It's not one of those sports you have to inject stuff in your ass to be good"
1. "Unlike most guys, I like it when my wife says, 'You're too fast'"
Conan O'Brien
Big football scandal. The New England Patriots have been accused of cheating in last week’s game by videotaping the coach’s signals. Now the Patriots know the Jets' signs for “fumble, give up a touchdown, and lose.”
Yesterday, Gen. Petraeus testified before the Senate for 10 hours with just two bathroom breaks. During the same period, Sen. Craig took 73 bathroom breaks.
"In China, a group of workers who make toys for Disney say they are forced to work 28 days a month, and up to 15 hours a day. A spokesman for the Chinese factory said, “Look — these toys aren’t going to lead-paint themselves.”
Last week prison guards had to use tear gas to break up prison riots in New Jersey. When the tear gas didn’t work, the guards sprayed the prisoners with New Jersey air.
Craig Ferguson
It’s great day for Russia. It’s calling today Conception Day. The Russian government is urging citizens to forget about their jobs today, and just make babies. We in the states — it’s Wednesday — we call it hump day.
If this country’s a-rockin, don’t come a-knockin!
The 2008 “Old Farmer’s Almanac” comes out today. It’s America’s oldest periodical. It’s been around since 1792. It’s like Larry King in old papery form. Like Larry King.
I love the ads. You can get an all-purpose hoe. The L.A. newspapers have ads for that. But you have to pay extra for “all purpose.”
Jimmy Kimmel
Happy Jewish New Year to those who are celebrating tonight. And I think two weeks from tonight is the Chinese Jewish New Year.
Here’s some good news: There are new estimates that the average life expectancy of the United States citizen has gone up: 80.4 years old for women, 75.2 years old for men. Finally, all that pomegranate juice is paying off.
There was a Monday night football double–header with Mike Ditka doing commentary. [Video of Mike Ditka grabbing his crotch.] You can see clearly the illegal use of hands.
There might be a little “holding” too, I don’t know.
