Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
O.J. Simpson is in jail in Nevada, charged with armed robbery. On the bright side for O.J., the Vegas room that he’s in now in Vegas is fully comped.
They say that O.J. was involved in a robbery at a Las Vegas casino. There are a lot of different versions of what happened. Luckily, Patriots coach Bill Belichick was there and videotaped the whole thing.
Last week got a little dramatic; Sen. Hillary Clinton called Gen. Petraeus a liar. And believe me, if there’s one thing she knows, is how to spot a guy who’s lying.
In Boynton Beach, Fla., police issued an arrest warrant for a 27-year-old, male, high school drama teacher who had sex with two female high school students and got one of them pregnant. Of course, the community is stunned by this — a straight drama teacher? This is unheard of.
Conan O'Brien
Everybody is discussing O.J. Simpson. He was arrested yesterday for armed robbery in connection with a break in at a Las Vegas hotel. When the cops cuffed him and took him to jail, O.J. was thrilled and said, “I still got it.”
He continues to maintain his innocence. O.J. says there’s no way he committed the crime — because it’s not “murdery” enough.
In a new book Mexico’s former president, Vincente Fox, says that President Bush’s Spanish is at grade-school level. Fortunately, Bush’s feelings weren’t hurt because Fox made the comments in Spanish.
Over the weekend, Britney Spears said she will fight for custody of her kids because, “They mean the world to me.” Then Britney said, “That’s why I keep showing the world where they came from.”
Craig Ferguson
The Emmy Awards were last night. The buzz was all about who was gorgeous and the designer gowns . . . but enough about Ryan Seacrest.
Al Gore won an Emmy! That means his wife gets to go home with two heavy statues.
Today is National Citizenship Day. It’s is especially exciting for me because I’m still not a citizen. So I don’t get to go to the big Citizenship parties in Hollywood.
Couldn’t they just give me someone else’s citizenship? What about O.J. Simpson’s citizenship? You know what? I don’t want his . . . he’s already used his “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
Jay Leno
O.J. Simpson is in jail in Nevada, charged with armed robbery. On the bright side for O.J., the Vegas room that he’s in now in Vegas is fully comped.
They say that O.J. was involved in a robbery at a Las Vegas casino. There are a lot of different versions of what happened. Luckily, Patriots coach Bill Belichick was there and videotaped the whole thing.
Last week got a little dramatic; Sen. Hillary Clinton called Gen. Petraeus a liar. And believe me, if there’s one thing she knows, is how to spot a guy who’s lying.
In Boynton Beach, Fla., police issued an arrest warrant for a 27-year-old, male, high school drama teacher who had sex with two female high school students and got one of them pregnant. Of course, the community is stunned by this — a straight drama teacher? This is unheard of.
Conan O'Brien
Everybody is discussing O.J. Simpson. He was arrested yesterday for armed robbery in connection with a break in at a Las Vegas hotel. When the cops cuffed him and took him to jail, O.J. was thrilled and said, “I still got it.”
He continues to maintain his innocence. O.J. says there’s no way he committed the crime — because it’s not “murdery” enough.
In a new book Mexico’s former president, Vincente Fox, says that President Bush’s Spanish is at grade-school level. Fortunately, Bush’s feelings weren’t hurt because Fox made the comments in Spanish.
Over the weekend, Britney Spears said she will fight for custody of her kids because, “They mean the world to me.” Then Britney said, “That’s why I keep showing the world where they came from.”
Craig Ferguson
The Emmy Awards were last night. The buzz was all about who was gorgeous and the designer gowns . . . but enough about Ryan Seacrest.
Al Gore won an Emmy! That means his wife gets to go home with two heavy statues.
Today is National Citizenship Day. It’s is especially exciting for me because I’m still not a citizen. So I don’t get to go to the big Citizenship parties in Hollywood.
Couldn’t they just give me someone else’s citizenship? What about O.J. Simpson’s citizenship? You know what? I don’t want his . . . he’s already used his “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
