Monday, January 31, 2005
Kerry Stars on Meet the Depressed
KERRY: It is that there is a vote in Iraq, but no one in the United States or in the world, and I'm confident of what the world response will be, no one in the United States should try to overhype this election.
RUSH: The face of pessimism! He admits he's confident what the world response will be, but he's clueless about what the reaction in America will be. He's a senator from Massachusetts and therefore he doesn't understand America, but he understands the world.
We "shouldn't try to overhype this election." He can't make a statement without making it all about him.
Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer on CNN. His guest is Faisal Istrabadi, the Iraqi deputy to the United Nations, and Wolf plays a John Kerry sound bite for him to respond to, and the sound bite has John Kerry saying, "I will say unequivocally today that what the administration does in the next few days will decide the outcome of Iraq and this is the last time, the last chance for the president to get it right."
Rush: "This is the last chance, the last time the president will have a chance to get it right in Iraq," after nothing but a series of successful events on a time schedule that has not wavered. The "president" says: "This is it. The last straw, this election. If he doesn't get it right after this, it's going to go bad, and Wolf says, "What do you think of that comment?"
ISTRABADI: Without the United States and without this administration we would not have been liberated. We'll always be grateful to the government of the United States and the United Kingdom and the various allies in the multinational force.
But the people who are going make a difference towards the success -- or failure, God forbid, of this project -- are the people of Iraq, the people who today defied bombs and terrorists and explosions and possible death so that they could vote in a free election.
BLITZER: I assume you voted?
ISTRABADI: I most certainly did. I have the purple finger to prove it.
See The Purple Finger (Click Here)
KERRY: It is that there is a vote in Iraq, but no one in the United States or in the world, and I'm confident of what the world response will be, no one in the United States should try to overhype this election.
RUSH: The face of pessimism! He admits he's confident what the world response will be, but he's clueless about what the reaction in America will be. He's a senator from Massachusetts and therefore he doesn't understand America, but he understands the world.
We "shouldn't try to overhype this election." He can't make a statement without making it all about him.
Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer on CNN. His guest is Faisal Istrabadi, the Iraqi deputy to the United Nations, and Wolf plays a John Kerry sound bite for him to respond to, and the sound bite has John Kerry saying, "I will say unequivocally today that what the administration does in the next few days will decide the outcome of Iraq and this is the last time, the last chance for the president to get it right."
Rush: "This is the last chance, the last time the president will have a chance to get it right in Iraq," after nothing but a series of successful events on a time schedule that has not wavered. The "president" says: "This is it. The last straw, this election. If he doesn't get it right after this, it's going to go bad, and Wolf says, "What do you think of that comment?"
ISTRABADI: Without the United States and without this administration we would not have been liberated. We'll always be grateful to the government of the United States and the United Kingdom and the various allies in the multinational force.
But the people who are going make a difference towards the success -- or failure, God forbid, of this project -- are the people of Iraq, the people who today defied bombs and terrorists and explosions and possible death so that they could vote in a free election.
BLITZER: I assume you voted?
ISTRABADI: I most certainly did. I have the purple finger to prove it.
See The Purple Finger (Click Here)
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
Big problems with next week’s Super Bowl. I hear they might not even air the Eagles playing the Patriots because of legal reasons. You know about this? Because you know, apparently you’re not supposed to televise an execution.
Terrell Owens who has a broken bone in his foot, says God is healing his ankle in time for the Super Bowl. He says god is performing a miracle for him. And today God said, "Hey, I got the Eagles in the Super Bowl. I’m through with miracles pal.”
Iraqis are voting in U.S. cities like Washington, D.C. and Detroit. The amazing thing is there’s more gunfire there then in Fallujah and Baghdad.
I don’t think a lot of people are going to be wearing those "I voted” stickers.
Some Iraqi politicians are telling voters if they don't vote for them, they'll go to hell. Boy, imagine trying to use your religion to get votes. Thank God politicians in this country don't try that type of thing, huh?
Earlier today, on her second day on the job, secretary of state Condoleezza Rice named Barbara Boxer, Ambassador to Fallujah. I didn’t quite understand what that was about.
The Clippers beat the Lakers the other night. Of course, the Lakers were without their best player. Shaquille O’Neal.
How scary is this? In Raleigh, North Carolina, a medical examiner was studying the body of a man in a morgue when the man started breathing. That’s like Anna Nicole Smith’s worst nightmare!
A federal appeals court reinstated a lawsuit filed by two teenagers against McDonald’s for making them fat. McDonald’s made the kids fat! The court said McDonald’s may have violated New York’s consumer protection act by not telling people what's in their food. What’s in the food? We're talking about McNuggets here! Even McDonald’s doesn't know what's in those things. No one knows what’s in a McNugget.
Anheuser-Busch has come out with a new beer with caffeine in it. What was the thinking was there? "You know Phil, we could sell more beer if there was just a way to keep drunk guys from passing out…hey wait a minute!”
Researchers at USC report that foreign immigration to California will slow down over the next 25 years. Of course it will slow down. You think that’s because maybe everybody is already here.
There’s a lot of strange science in the paper this week - Chinese scientists say they have successfully fused human cells with rabbit eggs. Actually the British did that years ago. That’s how Prince Charles got those ears.
A two-headed lamb has been born in China. Hey Kev, do you know what they would call that in the south? A double date.
L.A. officials say that an African wildcat is loose in the city Los Angeles. People take these wild animals here as pets and lose them. They plan to catch it by baiting it with a jungle cat’s favorite food — Las Vegas magician.
Four Sacramento firefighters, three men and a woman, may lose their jobs after they got caught having an orgy in the station house while on duty. You can understand how this happened — you combine long hours, tense situations, four lonely people and a brass pole.
Scientists in at the Pacific Northwest laboratory in Washington say they have created a way to artificially petrify wood. Isn’t that called Viagra?
I don’t know if many of you watched Katie Couric’s special the other night where she talked to teenagers about sex. The kids were quite open. Twelve percent of teens said they’ve talked to a teacher about sex. And 30% said they’ve talked to a teacher during sex.
It’s happened again - a high school teacher from Redwood City has been arrested after DNA tests proved that the father of her baby was on of her former student. When did this start? Teachers sleeping with students? You know when I was in high school, the only teacher who hit on me was my drama teacher. And he wasn’t even that good-looking.
In his autobiography, Englebert Humperdink claims he cheated with over 3000 women and his wife of over 40 years is fine with it, because she said it was less work for her. And today Bill Clinton got an autographed copy of the book for Hillary.
On Monday, a judge will introduce Michael Jackson to 300 prospective jurors. Does anyone need to be introduced to Michael Jackson? Are the jurors sitting there going, "Now which one is Michael? Is it the guy in the drum major outfit with half a nose?”
There are reports that Michael Douglas is getting ready to star in his third "Romancing the Stone” movie. Since he’s getting a bit little older, so this one will be called "Passing the Stone”.
Leno
Big problems with next week’s Super Bowl. I hear they might not even air the Eagles playing the Patriots because of legal reasons. You know about this? Because you know, apparently you’re not supposed to televise an execution.
Terrell Owens who has a broken bone in his foot, says God is healing his ankle in time for the Super Bowl. He says god is performing a miracle for him. And today God said, "Hey, I got the Eagles in the Super Bowl. I’m through with miracles pal.”
Iraqis are voting in U.S. cities like Washington, D.C. and Detroit. The amazing thing is there’s more gunfire there then in Fallujah and Baghdad.
I don’t think a lot of people are going to be wearing those "I voted” stickers.
Some Iraqi politicians are telling voters if they don't vote for them, they'll go to hell. Boy, imagine trying to use your religion to get votes. Thank God politicians in this country don't try that type of thing, huh?
Earlier today, on her second day on the job, secretary of state Condoleezza Rice named Barbara Boxer, Ambassador to Fallujah. I didn’t quite understand what that was about.
The Clippers beat the Lakers the other night. Of course, the Lakers were without their best player. Shaquille O’Neal.
How scary is this? In Raleigh, North Carolina, a medical examiner was studying the body of a man in a morgue when the man started breathing. That’s like Anna Nicole Smith’s worst nightmare!
A federal appeals court reinstated a lawsuit filed by two teenagers against McDonald’s for making them fat. McDonald’s made the kids fat! The court said McDonald’s may have violated New York’s consumer protection act by not telling people what's in their food. What’s in the food? We're talking about McNuggets here! Even McDonald’s doesn't know what's in those things. No one knows what’s in a McNugget.
Anheuser-Busch has come out with a new beer with caffeine in it. What was the thinking was there? "You know Phil, we could sell more beer if there was just a way to keep drunk guys from passing out…hey wait a minute!”
Researchers at USC report that foreign immigration to California will slow down over the next 25 years. Of course it will slow down. You think that’s because maybe everybody is already here.
There’s a lot of strange science in the paper this week - Chinese scientists say they have successfully fused human cells with rabbit eggs. Actually the British did that years ago. That’s how Prince Charles got those ears.
A two-headed lamb has been born in China. Hey Kev, do you know what they would call that in the south? A double date.
L.A. officials say that an African wildcat is loose in the city Los Angeles. People take these wild animals here as pets and lose them. They plan to catch it by baiting it with a jungle cat’s favorite food — Las Vegas magician.
Four Sacramento firefighters, three men and a woman, may lose their jobs after they got caught having an orgy in the station house while on duty. You can understand how this happened — you combine long hours, tense situations, four lonely people and a brass pole.
Scientists in at the Pacific Northwest laboratory in Washington say they have created a way to artificially petrify wood. Isn’t that called Viagra?
I don’t know if many of you watched Katie Couric’s special the other night where she talked to teenagers about sex. The kids were quite open. Twelve percent of teens said they’ve talked to a teacher about sex. And 30% said they’ve talked to a teacher during sex.
It’s happened again - a high school teacher from Redwood City has been arrested after DNA tests proved that the father of her baby was on of her former student. When did this start? Teachers sleeping with students? You know when I was in high school, the only teacher who hit on me was my drama teacher. And he wasn’t even that good-looking.
In his autobiography, Englebert Humperdink claims he cheated with over 3000 women and his wife of over 40 years is fine with it, because she said it was less work for her. And today Bill Clinton got an autographed copy of the book for Hillary.
On Monday, a judge will introduce Michael Jackson to 300 prospective jurors. Does anyone need to be introduced to Michael Jackson? Are the jurors sitting there going, "Now which one is Michael? Is it the guy in the drum major outfit with half a nose?”
There are reports that Michael Douglas is getting ready to star in his third "Romancing the Stone” movie. Since he’s getting a bit little older, so this one will be called "Passing the Stone”.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Iraqis Defy Attackers in Historic Election
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Iraqis danced and clapped with joy Sunday as they voted in their country's first free election in a half-century, defying insurgents who launched eight suicide bombings and mortar strikes at polling stations. The attacks killed at least 36 people.
An Iraqi election official said that 72 percent of eligible Iraqi voters had turned out so far nationwide. The official, Adel al-Lami of the Independent Electoral Commission, offered no overall figures of the actual number of Iraqis who have voted to back up the claim.
After a slow start, men and women in flowing black abayas _ often holding babies _ formed long lines, although there were pockets of Iraq where the streets and polling stations were deserted.
Iraqis prohibited from using private cars walked streets crowded in a few places nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with voters, hitched rides on military buses and trucks, and some even carried the elderly in their arms.
"This is democracy," said Karfia Abbasi, holding up a thumb stained with purple ink to prove she had voted.
Casting his vote, Interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi called it "the first time the Iraqis will determine their destiny."
"This proves that we are now free," said Akar Azad, 19, who came to the polls with his wife Serwin Suker and sister Bigat.
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Iraqis danced and clapped with joy Sunday as they voted in their country's first free election in a half-century, defying insurgents who launched eight suicide bombings and mortar strikes at polling stations. The attacks killed at least 36 people.
An Iraqi election official said that 72 percent of eligible Iraqi voters had turned out so far nationwide. The official, Adel al-Lami of the Independent Electoral Commission, offered no overall figures of the actual number of Iraqis who have voted to back up the claim.
After a slow start, men and women in flowing black abayas _ often holding babies _ formed long lines, although there were pockets of Iraq where the streets and polling stations were deserted.
Iraqis prohibited from using private cars walked streets crowded in a few places nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with voters, hitched rides on military buses and trucks, and some even carried the elderly in their arms.
"This is democracy," said Karfia Abbasi, holding up a thumb stained with purple ink to prove she had voted.
Casting his vote, Interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi called it "the first time the Iraqis will determine their destiny."
"This proves that we are now free," said Akar Azad, 19, who came to the polls with his wife Serwin Suker and sister Bigat.
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
A man is suing the Mirage and MGM casinos because they encouraged him to borrow money to gamble. This is a good thing because it has actually brought him closer to his two kids who are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.
Did you see that big Katie Couric special last night on NBC? Very serious, Katie spoke to a bunch of teenagers about their attitudes toward sex. And they were all high school kids and they spoke very openly and honestly about the sex they were having. Hey didn’t mention any teacher’s names or anything, but they talked honestly.
You all excited about the Super Bowl? How many have the Patriots? How many have the Eagles? In honor of Terrell Owens, Kentucky Fried Chicken has a new Eagles Super Bowl meal. It’s two wings and a broken leg for $2.99.
Owens says even though he has a broken bone in his ankle, he’s not listening to his doctor and he’s going with advice from his trainer. And today Barry Bonds said, "Great advice!”
Kev and I have a bet for the Super Bowl. Kev, if my Patriots win, you have to cut my lawn, if your Eagles win, Melendez will have to cut your lawn.
According to a new book, female officers at Guantanamo Bay would sometimes wear thongs when they interrogated Iraqi prisoners, in order to make them uncomfortable. They would put on a thong. Is that the best way to get at the truth? Wouldn’t that backfire? Usually when a guy sees a girl in a thong, he starts lying. "I’m not married. My wife died.”
Police in Snohomish County, Washington report a huge drop-off in locally grown marijuana because people are buying imported Canadian marijuana. You know, it’s bad enough our legal drugs are cheaper up there, now their selling us all their illegal drugs too.
A group of lawyers here is California is petitioning the California legislature to make it legal for women to sunbathe topless. Finally lawyers who are doing some good for society, huh?
It was on this day back in 1984 that Michael Jackson was burned on his head while filming a TV commercial for Pepsi. I believe that’s the last time Michael Jackson was considered hot.
Let’s see what’s new in the Michael Jackson trial. Or it’s now being called, "Fondling Neverland”.
Prosecutors now say they want to display Michael Jackson’s porn collection for the jury. Why do they always call it a "porn collection”? Are men really porn collectors? Do guys go to flea markets on the weekends looking for porn? "Oh look, a rare 1979 copy of ‘Black Licorice’. I’ve been looking all over for this. I found it! I got it for two dollars!”
Budweiser is coming out with a new beer called "B to the E”, containing caffeine and ginseng. They say it gives you a jolt of energy. Until now, the only way beer drinkers could get a big jolt of energy is when the cops would hit you with the taser gun. "Come on you drunk bastard! Get up!”
Mel Gibson’s movie "The Passion of the Christ” has grossed over $370 million. A lot of people are mad it didn’t get nominated. It’s pretty amazing because it’s in Aramaic. That’s a language not even spoken at 7-11.
Fox has a new show, "Point Pleasant” about a teenage girl who happens to be Satan’s daughter. It’s like "Joan of Arcadia” with PMS.
Leno
A man is suing the Mirage and MGM casinos because they encouraged him to borrow money to gamble. This is a good thing because it has actually brought him closer to his two kids who are suing McDonald’s for making them fat.
Did you see that big Katie Couric special last night on NBC? Very serious, Katie spoke to a bunch of teenagers about their attitudes toward sex. And they were all high school kids and they spoke very openly and honestly about the sex they were having. Hey didn’t mention any teacher’s names or anything, but they talked honestly.
You all excited about the Super Bowl? How many have the Patriots? How many have the Eagles? In honor of Terrell Owens, Kentucky Fried Chicken has a new Eagles Super Bowl meal. It’s two wings and a broken leg for $2.99.
Owens says even though he has a broken bone in his ankle, he’s not listening to his doctor and he’s going with advice from his trainer. And today Barry Bonds said, "Great advice!”
Kev and I have a bet for the Super Bowl. Kev, if my Patriots win, you have to cut my lawn, if your Eagles win, Melendez will have to cut your lawn.
According to a new book, female officers at Guantanamo Bay would sometimes wear thongs when they interrogated Iraqi prisoners, in order to make them uncomfortable. They would put on a thong. Is that the best way to get at the truth? Wouldn’t that backfire? Usually when a guy sees a girl in a thong, he starts lying. "I’m not married. My wife died.”
Police in Snohomish County, Washington report a huge drop-off in locally grown marijuana because people are buying imported Canadian marijuana. You know, it’s bad enough our legal drugs are cheaper up there, now their selling us all their illegal drugs too.
A group of lawyers here is California is petitioning the California legislature to make it legal for women to sunbathe topless. Finally lawyers who are doing some good for society, huh?
It was on this day back in 1984 that Michael Jackson was burned on his head while filming a TV commercial for Pepsi. I believe that’s the last time Michael Jackson was considered hot.
Let’s see what’s new in the Michael Jackson trial. Or it’s now being called, "Fondling Neverland”.
Prosecutors now say they want to display Michael Jackson’s porn collection for the jury. Why do they always call it a "porn collection”? Are men really porn collectors? Do guys go to flea markets on the weekends looking for porn? "Oh look, a rare 1979 copy of ‘Black Licorice’. I’ve been looking all over for this. I found it! I got it for two dollars!”
Budweiser is coming out with a new beer called "B to the E”, containing caffeine and ginseng. They say it gives you a jolt of energy. Until now, the only way beer drinkers could get a big jolt of energy is when the cops would hit you with the taser gun. "Come on you drunk bastard! Get up!”
Mel Gibson’s movie "The Passion of the Christ” has grossed over $370 million. A lot of people are mad it didn’t get nominated. It’s pretty amazing because it’s in Aramaic. That’s a language not even spoken at 7-11.
Fox has a new show, "Point Pleasant” about a teenage girl who happens to be Satan’s daughter. It’s like "Joan of Arcadia” with PMS.
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Friday, January 28, 2005
Accentuating The Negative
The rhetoric from the Left has ramped up as we move closer to the Iraqi Elections. The mantra of "Illegal and Unjust War" has risen a few decibels. Our soldiers have been accused of inciting the violence of the insurgents. Worst of all was the Bush-bashing disguised as genuine vetting of the nominee for secretary of state.
Almost everything that we read or hear from the mainstream media about the war in Iraq is focused on the negative. The mainstream media has completely disregarded the positives that are abundant in Iraq.
Robin Mullins Boyd: While doing some research online, I wandered over to the Department of Defense website. I came across an article titled "Iraq Year in Review - 2004 Fact Sheet". What I read in that article took my breath away. I was stunned - almost speechless.
Did you know that 47 countries have re-established their embassies in Iraq?
Did you know that the Iraqi government employs 1.2 million Iraqi people?
Did you know that 3100 schools have been renovated, 364 schools are currently under rehabilitation, 263 new schools are under construction and 38 new schools have been built?
Did you know that the Ministry of Higher Education and Scientific Research in Iraq consists of 20 Universities, 46 Institutes or colleges within the Community College system, two Commissions and two Research Centers?
Did you know that 25 Iraq students departed for the United States in January 2004 for the re-established Fulbright Program?
Did you know that the Iraqi Navy is operational? The Navy has five 100-foot patrol craft, 34 smaller vessels and a naval infantry regiment.
Did you know that Iraq's Air Force consists of three operation squadrons? The Iraqi Air Force has nine reconnaissance aircraft and three US C-130 transport aircraft. The reconnaissance aircraft operate day and night. Later this month, the Air Force will receive 16 UH-1 helicopters and 4 Bell Jet Rangers.
Did you know that Iraq has a counter-terrorist unit and a Commando Battalion?
Did you know that Iraq's two Military Academies have been reopened and graduated 91 students in January 2005?
Did you know that the Iraqi Police Service has over 55,000 fully trained and equipped police officers?
Did you know that there are five Police Academies in Iraq that produce over 3500 new police officers every 8 weeks?
Did you know that Iraq's National Police Emergency Response Unit has been tested and is now operational?
Did you know that there are more than 1100 active reconstruction projects in Iraq? Current projects include the construction of 364 schools, 67 public health clinics, 15 hospitals, 83 Railroad stations, 22 oil facilities, 93 water facilities and 69 electrical facilities?
Did you know that 96% of Iraqi children under the age of five have received the first two series of polio vaccinations?
Did you know that 4.3 million Iraqi children were enrolled in primary school by mid October?
Did you know that there are 1,192,000 cell phone subscribers in Iraq and subscriptions to telephone service have risen 158%?
Did you know that Iraq has an independent media that consists of 75 radio stations, 180 newspapers and 10 television stations?
Did you know that the Baghdad Stock Exchange opened of June 24,2004?
Did you know that two of the candidates in the Iraqi presidential election held the first ever election debate, which was broadcast province-wide on Iraqi television?
Instead of shouting the positive accomplishments from the rooftops, we are subjected to Democrats blaming our soldiers for the insurgency, calling our President and his administration liars and generally denigrating the United States.
Instead of showing our love for our country, we get photos of flag burning, isolated incidents at Abu Ghraib and people throwing snowballs at the presidential motorcade.
When did wishing the worst for our country and failure for our soldiers become the norm in America? I am ashamed of my fellow countrymen who would rather see a terrorist succeed than a Republican President.
The rhetoric from the Left has ramped up as we move closer to the Iraqi Elections. The mantra of "Illegal and Unjust War" has risen a few decibels. Our soldiers have been accused of inciting the violence of the insurgents. Worst of all was the Bush-bashing disguised as genuine vetting of the nominee for secretary of state.
Almost everything that we read or hear from the mainstream media about the war in Iraq is focused on the negative. The mainstream media has completely disregarded the positives that are abundant in Iraq.
Robin Mullins Boyd: While doing some research online, I wandered over to the Department of Defense website. I came across an article titled "Iraq Year in Review - 2004 Fact Sheet". What I read in that article took my breath away. I was stunned - almost speechless.
Did you know that 47 countries have re-established their embassies in Iraq?
Did you know that the Iraqi government employs 1.2 million Iraqi people?
Did you know that 3100 schools have been renovated, 364 schools are currently under rehabilitation, 263 new schools are under construction and 38 new schools have been built?
Did you know that the Ministry of Higher Education and Scientific Research in Iraq consists of 20 Universities, 46 Institutes or colleges within the Community College system, two Commissions and two Research Centers?
Did you know that 25 Iraq students departed for the United States in January 2004 for the re-established Fulbright Program?
Did you know that the Iraqi Navy is operational? The Navy has five 100-foot patrol craft, 34 smaller vessels and a naval infantry regiment.
Did you know that Iraq's Air Force consists of three operation squadrons? The Iraqi Air Force has nine reconnaissance aircraft and three US C-130 transport aircraft. The reconnaissance aircraft operate day and night. Later this month, the Air Force will receive 16 UH-1 helicopters and 4 Bell Jet Rangers.
Did you know that Iraq has a counter-terrorist unit and a Commando Battalion?
Did you know that Iraq's two Military Academies have been reopened and graduated 91 students in January 2005?
Did you know that the Iraqi Police Service has over 55,000 fully trained and equipped police officers?
Did you know that there are five Police Academies in Iraq that produce over 3500 new police officers every 8 weeks?
Did you know that Iraq's National Police Emergency Response Unit has been tested and is now operational?
Did you know that there are more than 1100 active reconstruction projects in Iraq? Current projects include the construction of 364 schools, 67 public health clinics, 15 hospitals, 83 Railroad stations, 22 oil facilities, 93 water facilities and 69 electrical facilities?
Did you know that 96% of Iraqi children under the age of five have received the first two series of polio vaccinations?
Did you know that 4.3 million Iraqi children were enrolled in primary school by mid October?
Did you know that there are 1,192,000 cell phone subscribers in Iraq and subscriptions to telephone service have risen 158%?
Did you know that Iraq has an independent media that consists of 75 radio stations, 180 newspapers and 10 television stations?
Did you know that the Baghdad Stock Exchange opened of June 24,2004?
Did you know that two of the candidates in the Iraqi presidential election held the first ever election debate, which was broadcast province-wide on Iraqi television?
Instead of shouting the positive accomplishments from the rooftops, we are subjected to Democrats blaming our soldiers for the insurgency, calling our President and his administration liars and generally denigrating the United States.
Instead of showing our love for our country, we get photos of flag burning, isolated incidents at Abu Ghraib and people throwing snowballs at the presidential motorcade.
When did wishing the worst for our country and failure for our soldiers become the norm in America? I am ashamed of my fellow countrymen who would rather see a terrorist succeed than a Republican President.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
What a crowd! You sound like Spongebob Squarepants announcing he's got a girlfriend.
As you know, the Oscar nominations were announced yesterday and once again, "Alien vs. Predator” was completely overlooked. No matter who wins, we lose.
Speaking of that, today Michael Moore announced his next project. A film looking at voter fraud for the Oscars. You know what I’m talking about?
As you may have heard, Michael Moore’s film "Fahrenheit 9-11” didn’t get one Oscar nomination, not one…today President Bush said, "Does this mean I can’t get best actor now?”
"The Passion of the Christ” didn’t receive any nominations for major awards. This isn’t the first time that Jesus has gotten bad treatment.
Mel Gibson’s film "The Passion of the Christ" wasn't nominated for any of the major awards but it did get one for best musical score. Which is kind of strange isn’t it? You're watching a film where Jesus is dying on the cross and people are going, "Hey, catchy tune."
This is the greatest year ever for African American actors and actresses. Five of twenty acting nominations went to African Americans! In fact, and Condoleezza rice is up for best actress for "I’m looking forward to working with Barbara Boxer.”
Today in the senate, the vote to confirm Condoleezza Rice as the next Secretary of State was 85-13 in favor. 85-13. Excuse me. I’m sorry, Kevin. That’s what the score of the Super Bowl is going to be.
Kev, you and I should have a bet for the Super Bowl, if my Patriots win, you have to send me 30 Philly cheese steaks. If your Eagles win, I’ll buy you a jacket because that means hell froze over.
Philadelphia Eagles receiver Terrell Owens says God is healing him for the Super Bowl. He has torn ligaments and a broken bone in his ankle, but he says god is healing him in time for the game. And today God said, "Hey I got New England plus seven. Don’t drag me into this.”
The Fox network is going to be trying out a new technology during this year’s Super Bowl. It’s called the turf cam where miniature cameras are embedded into the field looking up to the action. They said they got this idea watching last year’s lingerie bowl.
A Redwood City high-school teacher was arrested today after DNA tests on her baby showed that the father of the baby is a former student of hers, who she had sex with when he was 16. The DNA test proved that the father of the teacher’s baby was the student. Today the kids said this was the best science-fair project he ever took part in.
Quite a scare for Trump’s new wife. She woke up and saw what his hair looked like in the morning.
Did you see her on the news today? She said that on the wedding night she expected that trump tower would be bigger.
Bill and Hillary were at the Donald’s wedding and he said that, "He remembers everything about his own wedding.” You know, except the part about being faithful.
According to "Self” magazine, one in four women say they have negative thoughts about their body during sex. See why do women worry about these kind of things? During sex men are probably thinking about some other woman’s body anyway. Don’t worry about it.
Letterman
I heard a statistic today I was unaware of. New York City is among America’s fattest cities. It’s true because the guys in New York City are now so big that people in New Jersey are aiming laser beams at them.
You heard about the guy in New Jersey that was arrested for pointing a laser beam at an airliner? It was so unnerving that the pilot had to pour another scotch.
Right here on CBS there’s a new reality show to find the next Martha Stewart. Why? Because America can’t go five months without a domestic diva.
On the show they have all kinds of Martha Stewart type challenges. Tonight they had a shower room catfight.
Bob Barker is returning to "Price Is Right” for his 34th year! He will be at the show until 2009 when he’ll be replaced by Conan O’Brien.
Ferguson
There’s some reports that Iraqis are worried about their upcoming election turning into a civil war. Hey wouldn’t a civil war be an improvement over what’s going on now?!
The dollar keeps going lower. Several news stories out about how the dollar has plummeted. In fact it’s so low that CBS has given me a raise.
Leno
What a crowd! You sound like Spongebob Squarepants announcing he's got a girlfriend.
As you know, the Oscar nominations were announced yesterday and once again, "Alien vs. Predator” was completely overlooked. No matter who wins, we lose.
Speaking of that, today Michael Moore announced his next project. A film looking at voter fraud for the Oscars. You know what I’m talking about?
As you may have heard, Michael Moore’s film "Fahrenheit 9-11” didn’t get one Oscar nomination, not one…today President Bush said, "Does this mean I can’t get best actor now?”
"The Passion of the Christ” didn’t receive any nominations for major awards. This isn’t the first time that Jesus has gotten bad treatment.
Mel Gibson’s film "The Passion of the Christ" wasn't nominated for any of the major awards but it did get one for best musical score. Which is kind of strange isn’t it? You're watching a film where Jesus is dying on the cross and people are going, "Hey, catchy tune."
This is the greatest year ever for African American actors and actresses. Five of twenty acting nominations went to African Americans! In fact, and Condoleezza rice is up for best actress for "I’m looking forward to working with Barbara Boxer.”
Today in the senate, the vote to confirm Condoleezza Rice as the next Secretary of State was 85-13 in favor. 85-13. Excuse me. I’m sorry, Kevin. That’s what the score of the Super Bowl is going to be.
Kev, you and I should have a bet for the Super Bowl, if my Patriots win, you have to send me 30 Philly cheese steaks. If your Eagles win, I’ll buy you a jacket because that means hell froze over.
Philadelphia Eagles receiver Terrell Owens says God is healing him for the Super Bowl. He has torn ligaments and a broken bone in his ankle, but he says god is healing him in time for the game. And today God said, "Hey I got New England plus seven. Don’t drag me into this.”
The Fox network is going to be trying out a new technology during this year’s Super Bowl. It’s called the turf cam where miniature cameras are embedded into the field looking up to the action. They said they got this idea watching last year’s lingerie bowl.
A Redwood City high-school teacher was arrested today after DNA tests on her baby showed that the father of the baby is a former student of hers, who she had sex with when he was 16. The DNA test proved that the father of the teacher’s baby was the student. Today the kids said this was the best science-fair project he ever took part in.
Quite a scare for Trump’s new wife. She woke up and saw what his hair looked like in the morning.
Did you see her on the news today? She said that on the wedding night she expected that trump tower would be bigger.
Bill and Hillary were at the Donald’s wedding and he said that, "He remembers everything about his own wedding.” You know, except the part about being faithful.
According to "Self” magazine, one in four women say they have negative thoughts about their body during sex. See why do women worry about these kind of things? During sex men are probably thinking about some other woman’s body anyway. Don’t worry about it.
Letterman
I heard a statistic today I was unaware of. New York City is among America’s fattest cities. It’s true because the guys in New York City are now so big that people in New Jersey are aiming laser beams at them.
You heard about the guy in New Jersey that was arrested for pointing a laser beam at an airliner? It was so unnerving that the pilot had to pour another scotch.
Right here on CBS there’s a new reality show to find the next Martha Stewart. Why? Because America can’t go five months without a domestic diva.
On the show they have all kinds of Martha Stewart type challenges. Tonight they had a shower room catfight.
Bob Barker is returning to "Price Is Right” for his 34th year! He will be at the show until 2009 when he’ll be replaced by Conan O’Brien.
Ferguson
There’s some reports that Iraqis are worried about their upcoming election turning into a civil war. Hey wouldn’t a civil war be an improvement over what’s going on now?!
The dollar keeps going lower. Several news stories out about how the dollar has plummeted. In fact it’s so low that CBS has given me a raise.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
How many of you are here just because you can’t get a flight back east?
Did you see that blizzard? What did they get, two feet of snow? New York hasn’t been this white since the Republican convention was in town.
Give you an idea how high the snow drifts were – earlier today, they issued an Amber Alert for Regis.
In fact, there have been so many school closings, teachers have been forced to start having sex with their spouses again.
It was so cold, Anna Nicole Smith is hitting on guys who are being cremated!
Here’s an interesting fact: If you took all the airline passengers in the United States and stood them in a row – you’d have exactly what happened at the airports this week.
Because of the blizzard a lot of flights have been canceled. The Pittsburgh Steelers canceled their flight to Jacksonville.
The Patriots going to the Super Bowl? What a year it’s been for Massachusetts. The Red Sox, the Patriots, John Kerry ... OK, two out of three is not bad.
Just five more days until the Iraq elections. I’m going out on a limb and saying the winner will be a man named Muhammad something.
Mel Gibson’s "The Passion of the Christ" got nominated for three lesser awards: cinematography, makeup and musical score. Apparently Hollywood felt the movie looked great, but the story wasn’t believable.
It’s been three days since the Trump wedding. I think they’re going to make it.
As you know, Donald Trump's wife did change her name. She's now known as "Trump, the Wife."
Although the one part I thought was kind of creepy – on the wedding night, when trump’s assistants, George and Carolyn, were sitting on either side of the bed.
Here’s something fascinating – a space probe that landed on Saturn’s moon Titan has found that it is filled with rivers and clouds of liquid methane. Either that or the probe may have landed in a river in New Jersey.
A Tennessee senator named John Ford, a Democrat, surprisingly (sarcastic tone), is in court for child support and he revealed he lives with his divorced wife and their three kids three days a week, he lives with his girlfriend and their two kids the other four days, he’s being sued by another girlfriend for child support and his ex-wife is pregnant by him again. But the good news – today he was given the Jerry Springer Lifetime Achievement Award.
How bizarre is this? There are two companies now advertising they make RVs that can withstand radiation from a nuclear attack. Was there a big call for this?! People upset: You know, "Last time we were under nuclear attack our vacation was completely ruined because our RV couldn’t take the 10,000-degree temperature!"
Do you know what week this is in our public schools? I’m not making this up: This week is National No Name-Calling Week. They don’t want any name-calling in our public schools. What stupid dork came up with this idea?
In France, a man has been rescued after wandering lost for 35 days in an abandoned mushroom cave ... gee, I wonder what he was looking for in a mushroom cave ...
Prosecutors in the Michael Jackson case want the children’s testimony to be kept secret. To which Michael Jackson said, "Hey, if these kids could keep a secret, I wouldn’t be here."
Leno
How many of you are here just because you can’t get a flight back east?
Did you see that blizzard? What did they get, two feet of snow? New York hasn’t been this white since the Republican convention was in town.
Give you an idea how high the snow drifts were – earlier today, they issued an Amber Alert for Regis.
In fact, there have been so many school closings, teachers have been forced to start having sex with their spouses again.
It was so cold, Anna Nicole Smith is hitting on guys who are being cremated!
Here’s an interesting fact: If you took all the airline passengers in the United States and stood them in a row – you’d have exactly what happened at the airports this week.
Because of the blizzard a lot of flights have been canceled. The Pittsburgh Steelers canceled their flight to Jacksonville.
The Patriots going to the Super Bowl? What a year it’s been for Massachusetts. The Red Sox, the Patriots, John Kerry ... OK, two out of three is not bad.
Just five more days until the Iraq elections. I’m going out on a limb and saying the winner will be a man named Muhammad something.
Mel Gibson’s "The Passion of the Christ" got nominated for three lesser awards: cinematography, makeup and musical score. Apparently Hollywood felt the movie looked great, but the story wasn’t believable.
It’s been three days since the Trump wedding. I think they’re going to make it.
As you know, Donald Trump's wife did change her name. She's now known as "Trump, the Wife."
Although the one part I thought was kind of creepy – on the wedding night, when trump’s assistants, George and Carolyn, were sitting on either side of the bed.
Here’s something fascinating – a space probe that landed on Saturn’s moon Titan has found that it is filled with rivers and clouds of liquid methane. Either that or the probe may have landed in a river in New Jersey.
A Tennessee senator named John Ford, a Democrat, surprisingly (sarcastic tone), is in court for child support and he revealed he lives with his divorced wife and their three kids three days a week, he lives with his girlfriend and their two kids the other four days, he’s being sued by another girlfriend for child support and his ex-wife is pregnant by him again. But the good news – today he was given the Jerry Springer Lifetime Achievement Award.
How bizarre is this? There are two companies now advertising they make RVs that can withstand radiation from a nuclear attack. Was there a big call for this?! People upset: You know, "Last time we were under nuclear attack our vacation was completely ruined because our RV couldn’t take the 10,000-degree temperature!"
Do you know what week this is in our public schools? I’m not making this up: This week is National No Name-Calling Week. They don’t want any name-calling in our public schools. What stupid dork came up with this idea?
In France, a man has been rescued after wandering lost for 35 days in an abandoned mushroom cave ... gee, I wonder what he was looking for in a mushroom cave ...
Prosecutors in the Michael Jackson case want the children’s testimony to be kept secret. To which Michael Jackson said, "Hey, if these kids could keep a secret, I wouldn’t be here."
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
The Same Old Racist Byrd
"Though he claims to have dropped his Klan robe, and now sports a suit; his actions prove that he's still the same old racist Byrd," Rev. Peterson told NewsMax. "We're calling on all Americans to repudiate this modern day Bull Connor."
The BOND leader said the West Virginia Democrat's decision to block Rice "shows that he believes blacks should not enjoy the same freedoms as white Americans; the freedom to work hard and rise to the highest level in the land."
"The recent actions of Senator Byrd to try and block the confirmation of Dr. Rice are a slap in the face to black Americans," complained Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, founder of The Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny.
He extended his condemnation to Sen. Barbara Boxer and Sen. John Kerry, who he said were also "enemies to black people" because they support the efforts of the one-time night rider.
On Thursday, the Congress of Racial Equality denounced Sen. Byrd, saying his decision to obstruct Rice was based on racism.
"Byrd was a racist 50 years ago under the guise of leading the Dixiecrats and he's a non-reformed Dixiecrat today," CORE spokesman Niger Innis said.
The only difference between the Robert Byrd of the 1950s and now is, "he's got black colleagues in the House and the Senate who apologize for him," Innis added.
Monday night, the CORE spokesman reiterated his condemnation of Byrd, blasting other Senate Democrats as his accomplices.
Speaking about his initial remarks, Innis told the Fox News Channel's "Hannity & Colmes," "My only regret is that I didn't include Barbara Boxer and Harry Reid. I call these three the unholy triumvirate of the Democratic Party."
On Saturday the New York Post questioned whether Sen. Byrd's long history of public antipathy towards blacks was linked to his opposition to Rice.
"They say a leopard can't change its spots," the paper editorialized. "Can a one-time Klansman change his, umm, sheets? The way Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W. Va.) acted this week, it's fair to ask."
Sen. Reid has allotted Sen. Byrd and Sen. Boxer one hour each to continue their attacks on Rice when the full Senate debates her nomination later today.
"Though he claims to have dropped his Klan robe, and now sports a suit; his actions prove that he's still the same old racist Byrd," Rev. Peterson told NewsMax. "We're calling on all Americans to repudiate this modern day Bull Connor."
The BOND leader said the West Virginia Democrat's decision to block Rice "shows that he believes blacks should not enjoy the same freedoms as white Americans; the freedom to work hard and rise to the highest level in the land."
"The recent actions of Senator Byrd to try and block the confirmation of Dr. Rice are a slap in the face to black Americans," complained Rev. Jesse Lee Peterson, founder of The Brotherhood Organization of a New Destiny.
He extended his condemnation to Sen. Barbara Boxer and Sen. John Kerry, who he said were also "enemies to black people" because they support the efforts of the one-time night rider.
On Thursday, the Congress of Racial Equality denounced Sen. Byrd, saying his decision to obstruct Rice was based on racism.
"Byrd was a racist 50 years ago under the guise of leading the Dixiecrats and he's a non-reformed Dixiecrat today," CORE spokesman Niger Innis said.
The only difference between the Robert Byrd of the 1950s and now is, "he's got black colleagues in the House and the Senate who apologize for him," Innis added.
Monday night, the CORE spokesman reiterated his condemnation of Byrd, blasting other Senate Democrats as his accomplices.
Speaking about his initial remarks, Innis told the Fox News Channel's "Hannity & Colmes," "My only regret is that I didn't include Barbara Boxer and Harry Reid. I call these three the unholy triumvirate of the Democratic Party."
On Saturday the New York Post questioned whether Sen. Byrd's long history of public antipathy towards blacks was linked to his opposition to Rice.
"They say a leopard can't change its spots," the paper editorialized. "Can a one-time Klansman change his, umm, sheets? The way Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W. Va.) acted this week, it's fair to ask."
Sen. Reid has allotted Sen. Byrd and Sen. Boxer one hour each to continue their attacks on Rice when the full Senate debates her nomination later today.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Iraqi Vote Turnout to Top U.S.'s
While the U.S. press continues to predict that Iraq's first election in decades will be illegitimate because violence will keep many Iraqis away from the polls, the voters themselves are telling a different story.
A whopping 80 percent of eligible Iraqis now say they intend to vote, amid threats of bombings, kidnappings, beheadings and reports that election workers are afraid to show up to carry out their official duties.
The remarkably high turnout - if it comes to pass - would mean that a third more Iraqis will vote in their election than voted in the U.S. last November, where turnout was 60 percent.
The poll, conducted in late December and early January for the International Republican Institute, went largely unreported by the American media - except for the Washington Post, which buried the news on page A-13 of its Friday edition.
The survey mirrors the expectations of Iraqi officials, who have been predicting a successful turnout for months despite widespread skepticism in the American press.
"I am expecting the turnout of Iraqi voters to be between 70 and 80 percent," Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari told the BBC last week, in comments also ignored by the U.S. media.
Zebari complained that while journalists are trashing Iraqi election prospects, they lauded the recent Palestinian elections, where, he noted, "turnout was 44 percent and yet they were called transparent and legitimate."
While the U.S. press continues to predict that Iraq's first election in decades will be illegitimate because violence will keep many Iraqis away from the polls, the voters themselves are telling a different story.
A whopping 80 percent of eligible Iraqis now say they intend to vote, amid threats of bombings, kidnappings, beheadings and reports that election workers are afraid to show up to carry out their official duties.
The remarkably high turnout - if it comes to pass - would mean that a third more Iraqis will vote in their election than voted in the U.S. last November, where turnout was 60 percent.
The poll, conducted in late December and early January for the International Republican Institute, went largely unreported by the American media - except for the Washington Post, which buried the news on page A-13 of its Friday edition.
The survey mirrors the expectations of Iraqi officials, who have been predicting a successful turnout for months despite widespread skepticism in the American press.
"I am expecting the turnout of Iraqi voters to be between 70 and 80 percent," Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari told the BBC last week, in comments also ignored by the U.S. media.
Zebari complained that while journalists are trashing Iraqi election prospects, they lauded the recent Palestinian elections, where, he noted, "turnout was 44 percent and yet they were called transparent and legitimate."
Pictures Of The Day
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
Why Elections In Iraq
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
Why Elections In Iraq
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Clinton Eyeing Deal for Third Term
Political strategists are reportedly pondering a deal that would allow Bill Clinton to run for president again by getting Republicans to agree to a change in the constitutional ban on third terms.
Calling it "a long shot," U.S. News & World Report says the deal would work like this:
"Congressional Democrats will OK a constitutional amendment allowing naturalized citizens like California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to run for president if Republicans help kill the 22nd Amendment."
"Right now it's the talk among political strategists," says the magazine's Washington Whispers section. "But look for it to spread on Capitol Hill when Sen. Orrin Hatch reintroduces his plan to let naturalized citizens run for president after 20 years."
Clinton himself has boasted that he "could be re-elected" one more time.
After an impromptu interview with the Las Vegas Weekly four years ago, the paper observed, "Clinton had obviously researched the subject."
He spoke "for five minutes about constitutional law and academic studies about the prospect" of changing the 22nd Amendment.
"Some constitutional experts think it is possible," the ex-prez said.
Political strategists are reportedly pondering a deal that would allow Bill Clinton to run for president again by getting Republicans to agree to a change in the constitutional ban on third terms.
Calling it "a long shot," U.S. News & World Report says the deal would work like this:
"Congressional Democrats will OK a constitutional amendment allowing naturalized citizens like California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to run for president if Republicans help kill the 22nd Amendment."
"Right now it's the talk among political strategists," says the magazine's Washington Whispers section. "But look for it to spread on Capitol Hill when Sen. Orrin Hatch reintroduces his plan to let naturalized citizens run for president after 20 years."
Clinton himself has boasted that he "could be re-elected" one more time.
After an impromptu interview with the Las Vegas Weekly four years ago, the paper observed, "Clinton had obviously researched the subject."
He spoke "for five minutes about constitutional law and academic studies about the prospect" of changing the 22nd Amendment.
"Some constitutional experts think it is possible," the ex-prez said.
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
As you know President Bush had his swearing in yesterday. In fact a lot of Democrats are still swearing.
The inauguration was a very emotional moment. Laura Bush had tears in her eyes, the president’s mom Barbara Bush had tears in her eyes... John Kerry had tears in his eyes.
This was kind of sad – today President Bush went back out to Pennsylvania Avenue and sat in the reviewing stand. He thought there was going to be a parade every day.
I tell you what’s really sad - did you see Bill and Hillary at the inauguration? Bill sitting there wishing it was 1996 and Hillary was there wishing it was 2008.
People on TV kept saying the inauguration was full of "pomp and ceremony”. I know what ceremony is, but what is "pomp”? Do you that word, pomp? Isn’t that the name for a fat pimp? A pomp?
Here’s an interesting bit of inaugural trivia – do you know which of our elected presidents had the shortest inaugural speech? Al Gore.
As I’m sure you saw, there were ten inaugural balls and President Bush attended every one including the Texas National Guard Ball, but no one recalls seeing there.
Michael Powell has resigned as the head of the FCC. Apparently he wanted to get out before the next Super Bowl halftime show.
Here’s an amazing story - in Brazil, a woman gave birth to a giant baby weighing 16.7 pounds. The baby is expected to walk before the mother.
Talk about a painful birth – instead of forceps the doctor used the Jaws of Life.
They said today the family doesn’t use a stroller, they use a flatbed.
CBS says that after Dan Rather steps down as CBS News anchor, they may replace him with three anchors. One to read the news and two to check the facts.
Donald Trump is getting married this weekend. Apparently there’s already trouble in the relationship. Donald became upset when she said she wanted to be in the wedding photos too.
The couple are writing their own vows. The vows for the bride include to love, honor, and not point and laugh at his hair.
Some more happy news – New York Mets Catcher Mike Piazza is now engaged to a former "Baywatch” star – David Hasselhoff.
I think it’s great that Mike Piazza is getting married. After all, he plays for the Mets, this is his only chance to get a ring.
Did you hear about this? Christian groups say that a Spongebob video being sent to schools encourages a gay lifestyle. Spongebob is denying he is gay, and so is his longtime companion "Kitchen Sponge Toby”.
Shouldn’t we be more upset that kids are watching cartoons in school?
O.J. Simpson’s 19 year old daughter was arrested in Miami for disorderly conduct at a basketball game. Sydney was yelling at police when they came and then charged with resisting arrest. What is it with these Simpson kids that makes them think they can get away with murder?
Letterman
The inauguration was yesterday. I tell you things are really starting to look bad for John Kerry.
Isn’t it nice to see a president that puts his hands on a Bible instead of an intern again?
The inauguration was a huge success. President Bush raised $40 million dollars.
It was a very big night for the Bush family. This morning the Bush twins were found in Lincoln’s lap.
Donald Trump is getting married tomorrow. There’s to be 500 guests at the wedding. Seating for 12 in Trump’s hair.
Conan
Donald Trump is getting married tomorrow. He originally wanted the wedding to air on NBC. But instead it will air on the Soon To Be History Channel.
Bob Jones the president of Bob Jones University will no longer be the president of Bob Jones University. He is stepping down. When asked why he was stepping down it was said because his name wasn’t Bob "Jonesy" enough.
Ferguson
Well the party is over, the inauguration is all over and it’s back to business in Washington – so President Bush left for vacation.
It was hot today. Like 80 out. It was so hot here in Beverly Hills I saw a guy in a Porsche with his toupee down.
A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.
In an interview the president of NBC said that the Dan Rather scandal was a disgrace. Unfortunately the interview couldn’t be finished when he got up and ran down to a taping of "Fear Factor”.
Leno
As you know President Bush had his swearing in yesterday. In fact a lot of Democrats are still swearing.
The inauguration was a very emotional moment. Laura Bush had tears in her eyes, the president’s mom Barbara Bush had tears in her eyes... John Kerry had tears in his eyes.
This was kind of sad – today President Bush went back out to Pennsylvania Avenue and sat in the reviewing stand. He thought there was going to be a parade every day.
I tell you what’s really sad - did you see Bill and Hillary at the inauguration? Bill sitting there wishing it was 1996 and Hillary was there wishing it was 2008.
People on TV kept saying the inauguration was full of "pomp and ceremony”. I know what ceremony is, but what is "pomp”? Do you that word, pomp? Isn’t that the name for a fat pimp? A pomp?
Here’s an interesting bit of inaugural trivia – do you know which of our elected presidents had the shortest inaugural speech? Al Gore.
As I’m sure you saw, there were ten inaugural balls and President Bush attended every one including the Texas National Guard Ball, but no one recalls seeing there.
Michael Powell has resigned as the head of the FCC. Apparently he wanted to get out before the next Super Bowl halftime show.
Here’s an amazing story - in Brazil, a woman gave birth to a giant baby weighing 16.7 pounds. The baby is expected to walk before the mother.
Talk about a painful birth – instead of forceps the doctor used the Jaws of Life.
They said today the family doesn’t use a stroller, they use a flatbed.
CBS says that after Dan Rather steps down as CBS News anchor, they may replace him with three anchors. One to read the news and two to check the facts.
Donald Trump is getting married this weekend. Apparently there’s already trouble in the relationship. Donald became upset when she said she wanted to be in the wedding photos too.
The couple are writing their own vows. The vows for the bride include to love, honor, and not point and laugh at his hair.
Some more happy news – New York Mets Catcher Mike Piazza is now engaged to a former "Baywatch” star – David Hasselhoff.
I think it’s great that Mike Piazza is getting married. After all, he plays for the Mets, this is his only chance to get a ring.
Did you hear about this? Christian groups say that a Spongebob video being sent to schools encourages a gay lifestyle. Spongebob is denying he is gay, and so is his longtime companion "Kitchen Sponge Toby”.
Shouldn’t we be more upset that kids are watching cartoons in school?
O.J. Simpson’s 19 year old daughter was arrested in Miami for disorderly conduct at a basketball game. Sydney was yelling at police when they came and then charged with resisting arrest. What is it with these Simpson kids that makes them think they can get away with murder?
Letterman
The inauguration was yesterday. I tell you things are really starting to look bad for John Kerry.
Isn’t it nice to see a president that puts his hands on a Bible instead of an intern again?
The inauguration was a huge success. President Bush raised $40 million dollars.
It was a very big night for the Bush family. This morning the Bush twins were found in Lincoln’s lap.
Donald Trump is getting married tomorrow. There’s to be 500 guests at the wedding. Seating for 12 in Trump’s hair.
Conan
Donald Trump is getting married tomorrow. He originally wanted the wedding to air on NBC. But instead it will air on the Soon To Be History Channel.
Bob Jones the president of Bob Jones University will no longer be the president of Bob Jones University. He is stepping down. When asked why he was stepping down it was said because his name wasn’t Bob "Jonesy" enough.
Ferguson
Well the party is over, the inauguration is all over and it’s back to business in Washington – so President Bush left for vacation.
It was hot today. Like 80 out. It was so hot here in Beverly Hills I saw a guy in a Porsche with his toupee down.
A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms.
In an interview the president of NBC said that the Dan Rather scandal was a disgrace. Unfortunately the interview couldn’t be finished when he got up and ran down to a taping of "Fear Factor”.
Saturday, January 22, 2005
Donkeys in Denial
Almost three months after the Presidential election, Democrats still have no clue how to take on George Bush.
Americans have a cherished and hallowed tradition of hating whiners. They see their nation as the home of a bold can-do people, like the pioneers of the old West. George W. Bush understands that sentiment and has tapped into it for two straight presidential elections.
Mitch Frank: Now Bush is taking the oath of office again and laying the foundation of an ambitious second term agenda. Meanwhile, most Democrats are still trying to figure out why Bush won. That the party is still having this debate so long after the election shows it hasn't learned a thing.
What bold leadership moves have national Democrats made so far? When Congress convened earlier this month to certify presidential electors and confirm Bush's reelection, House Democrats and California Senator Barbara Boxer challenged Ohio's electoral ballots, forcing a few hours' debate on election reform.
They had the noblest intentions, attempting to call attention to election day breakdowns in Ohio and the sad state of election reform since 2000. But as one Republican aide told ABC News, "This is a golden opportunity to remind people that President Bush won and John Kerry lost." Most Americans outside the beltway got the impression that the Democrats couldn't accept the election results. It sounded like whining.
As noble as the Dems' intentions were, they knew it was a losing battle. If the party is serious about election reform, it first needs to win some elections. It can't get its agenda enacted without taking back the White House and Congress.
But party members seem more enthusiastic about noble losing causes then about winning. Several party members say the key to success during the 2nd Bush term is to fight the President tooth and nail on his agenda with every obstructionist technique they have at their disposal, particularly Senate filibusters.
That's worked wonders in the past two Congressional elections. Most Americans would rather support politicians who have ideas—even ideas the voters don't completely agree with.
Obviously any Democratic agenda will have little chance of getting past this House, the Senate and the President's desk. But if the Democrats fail to offer any ideas, they will never give voters a reason to back them.
Almost three months after the Presidential election, Democrats still have no clue how to take on George Bush.
Americans have a cherished and hallowed tradition of hating whiners. They see their nation as the home of a bold can-do people, like the pioneers of the old West. George W. Bush understands that sentiment and has tapped into it for two straight presidential elections.
Mitch Frank: Now Bush is taking the oath of office again and laying the foundation of an ambitious second term agenda. Meanwhile, most Democrats are still trying to figure out why Bush won. That the party is still having this debate so long after the election shows it hasn't learned a thing.
What bold leadership moves have national Democrats made so far? When Congress convened earlier this month to certify presidential electors and confirm Bush's reelection, House Democrats and California Senator Barbara Boxer challenged Ohio's electoral ballots, forcing a few hours' debate on election reform.
They had the noblest intentions, attempting to call attention to election day breakdowns in Ohio and the sad state of election reform since 2000. But as one Republican aide told ABC News, "This is a golden opportunity to remind people that President Bush won and John Kerry lost." Most Americans outside the beltway got the impression that the Democrats couldn't accept the election results. It sounded like whining.
As noble as the Dems' intentions were, they knew it was a losing battle. If the party is serious about election reform, it first needs to win some elections. It can't get its agenda enacted without taking back the White House and Congress.
But party members seem more enthusiastic about noble losing causes then about winning. Several party members say the key to success during the 2nd Bush term is to fight the President tooth and nail on his agenda with every obstructionist technique they have at their disposal, particularly Senate filibusters.
That's worked wonders in the past two Congressional elections. Most Americans would rather support politicians who have ideas—even ideas the voters don't completely agree with.
Obviously any Democratic agenda will have little chance of getting past this House, the Senate and the President's desk. But if the Democrats fail to offer any ideas, they will never give voters a reason to back them.
Pictures Of The Day
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
55th Inauguration
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
55th Inauguration
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
Well it was cold and bitter at the inauguration today, but enough about John Kerry.
In fact it was so cold, Bill Clinton had an intern blow on his hands.
Some people have been criticizing President Bush for spending $40 million on his inauguration. Give the guy a break, he’s excited, this is the first time Bush has been elected.
President Bush was sworn in on a Bible and Dick Cheney will be sworn in on the "Physician’s Desk Reference Book”.
Actually Cheney was sworn in a few minutes before President Bush. So technically, for a few minutes, it was almost as if Dick Cheney was running the country.
There was one kind of embarrassing moment during the inauguration – Chief Justice William Rehnquist told President Bush, "Repeat after me” and Bush said, "After me.”
Did you see Rehnquist when he arrived? He was hunched over, wearing a black beret and a big oversized robe. In fact, Bill Clinton saw him from the back and said, "Monica?”
Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.
CNN is reporting that a longtime friend of President Bush says that Bush is telling everyone, in the next four years he intends to be "really aggressive'." "Really aggressive"? In the past four years we launched what, two wars? What's "really aggressive" going to look like? What, are we gonna bomb Canada now? How much more aggressive can we get?
The "New York Post” reports John Kerry and al gore are going to run in 2008. Upon hearing this, President Bush said, "Goody, I can win a third term.”
Thirty-two Chinese illegal immigrants were found in two cargo containers in L.A. harbor over the weekend. The illegal immigrants were in the two containers during a two-week ocean journey from Hong Kong. Apparently they booked this trip on Priceline.com.
Actually there were a total of three containers. The 32 Chinese people were in two of the containers. And the third container I believe had fried rice in shrimp sauce.
We have Snoop Dogg on the program tonight. In fact, I understand he flew out here on the red eye.
Did you know that today is the 23rd anniversary of the camcorder? Huge party at Paris Hilton’s house.
Letterman
I’m Dave Letterman and I’m back for a second term.
Today was President Bush’s inauguration. What a great symbol for our republic, the inauguration. Everyone had a good time. Senator Ted Kennedy was in a good mood, he had a few too many cocktails and was writing his name in the snow.
Security was tight in Washington, D.C. The Bush twins were stopped by margarita sniffing dogs.
All kinds of dignitaries from around the world were at the event or called President Bush. Prince Harry of England could not make it. He’s busy at his mountain top bunker in Bavaria.
Three former presidents were there. Clinton, Carter, Gore…they were all there.
It was cold though. It was so cold that former President Jimmy Carter built himself a shelter.
President Bush gave a great speech that outlined a bold agenda and then gave his Oscar picks.
In the speech President Bush said that as a country we have a calling from "beyond the stars”. You know what this means? He’s drinking again.
Leno
Well it was cold and bitter at the inauguration today, but enough about John Kerry.
In fact it was so cold, Bill Clinton had an intern blow on his hands.
Some people have been criticizing President Bush for spending $40 million on his inauguration. Give the guy a break, he’s excited, this is the first time Bush has been elected.
President Bush was sworn in on a Bible and Dick Cheney will be sworn in on the "Physician’s Desk Reference Book”.
Actually Cheney was sworn in a few minutes before President Bush. So technically, for a few minutes, it was almost as if Dick Cheney was running the country.
There was one kind of embarrassing moment during the inauguration – Chief Justice William Rehnquist told President Bush, "Repeat after me” and Bush said, "After me.”
Did you see Rehnquist when he arrived? He was hunched over, wearing a black beret and a big oversized robe. In fact, Bill Clinton saw him from the back and said, "Monica?”
Security was tighter than Kirstie Alley in a pair of spandex pants.
CNN is reporting that a longtime friend of President Bush says that Bush is telling everyone, in the next four years he intends to be "really aggressive'." "Really aggressive"? In the past four years we launched what, two wars? What's "really aggressive" going to look like? What, are we gonna bomb Canada now? How much more aggressive can we get?
The "New York Post” reports John Kerry and al gore are going to run in 2008. Upon hearing this, President Bush said, "Goody, I can win a third term.”
Thirty-two Chinese illegal immigrants were found in two cargo containers in L.A. harbor over the weekend. The illegal immigrants were in the two containers during a two-week ocean journey from Hong Kong. Apparently they booked this trip on Priceline.com.
Actually there were a total of three containers. The 32 Chinese people were in two of the containers. And the third container I believe had fried rice in shrimp sauce.
We have Snoop Dogg on the program tonight. In fact, I understand he flew out here on the red eye.
Did you know that today is the 23rd anniversary of the camcorder? Huge party at Paris Hilton’s house.
Letterman
I’m Dave Letterman and I’m back for a second term.
Today was President Bush’s inauguration. What a great symbol for our republic, the inauguration. Everyone had a good time. Senator Ted Kennedy was in a good mood, he had a few too many cocktails and was writing his name in the snow.
Security was tight in Washington, D.C. The Bush twins were stopped by margarita sniffing dogs.
All kinds of dignitaries from around the world were at the event or called President Bush. Prince Harry of England could not make it. He’s busy at his mountain top bunker in Bavaria.
Three former presidents were there. Clinton, Carter, Gore…they were all there.
It was cold though. It was so cold that former President Jimmy Carter built himself a shelter.
President Bush gave a great speech that outlined a bold agenda and then gave his Oscar picks.
In the speech President Bush said that as a country we have a calling from "beyond the stars”. You know what this means? He’s drinking again.
Friday, January 21, 2005
It's our party, you can cry if you want to
Instead of having the usual Inauguration Day in 1993, Clinton had an "Inauguration Week," with high-tech pageantry, large-screen TVs on the mall, Hollywood direction and, indeed, half of Hollywood. The amount of money that would have been saved just by holding the inauguration in Brentwood could have averted the Rwandan tragedy Clinton ignored just a few years later.
"It has all been so much fun," Frank Rich and Maureen Dowd gushed in the New York Times in January 1993. It was Bill Clinton's one-week inaugural celebration. "Is it too much to ask that it go on forever?" (For those who loved America, the next eight years would only seem to go on forever.)
Rich and Dowd quoted Hollywood agent Karen Russell, saying: "I'm in this fantasy world. I haven't slept. I'm punch drunk. ... I just feel like I'm in this place called Clinton-land" – which, if it were a theme park, could bill itself as "the sleaziest place on Earth!" Russell, they said, "spoke for everyone."
Ann Coulter: The Times' recent editorial snippily remarking that the amount of foreign aid to tsunami victims offered by the United States within the first few days of the disaster was "less than half of what Republicans plan to spend on the Bush inaugural festivities."
By that logic, why hold the Golden Globes, the Academy Awards, or spend money on restaurants and theater productions praised in the New York Times? That money could go to tsunami victims!
Another letter writer suggested the first lady wear a used dress to the inauguration to "honor the young people who are dying in her husband's misbegotten war." (To honor John Kerry's position on Iraq, Mrs. Bush would have to order an expensive gown and then, after it was delivered, decide she didn't want to pay for it.)
Hollywood liberals could not be reached for comment on the cost of the inauguration because they were being fitted for gowns and jewelry worth millions of dollars in anticipation of Oscar night.
Instead of having the usual Inauguration Day in 1993, Clinton had an "Inauguration Week," with high-tech pageantry, large-screen TVs on the mall, Hollywood direction and, indeed, half of Hollywood. The amount of money that would have been saved just by holding the inauguration in Brentwood could have averted the Rwandan tragedy Clinton ignored just a few years later.
"It has all been so much fun," Frank Rich and Maureen Dowd gushed in the New York Times in January 1993. It was Bill Clinton's one-week inaugural celebration. "Is it too much to ask that it go on forever?" (For those who loved America, the next eight years would only seem to go on forever.)
Rich and Dowd quoted Hollywood agent Karen Russell, saying: "I'm in this fantasy world. I haven't slept. I'm punch drunk. ... I just feel like I'm in this place called Clinton-land" – which, if it were a theme park, could bill itself as "the sleaziest place on Earth!" Russell, they said, "spoke for everyone."
Ann Coulter: The Times' recent editorial snippily remarking that the amount of foreign aid to tsunami victims offered by the United States within the first few days of the disaster was "less than half of what Republicans plan to spend on the Bush inaugural festivities."
By that logic, why hold the Golden Globes, the Academy Awards, or spend money on restaurants and theater productions praised in the New York Times? That money could go to tsunami victims!
Another letter writer suggested the first lady wear a used dress to the inauguration to "honor the young people who are dying in her husband's misbegotten war." (To honor John Kerry's position on Iraq, Mrs. Bush would have to order an expensive gown and then, after it was delivered, decide she didn't want to pay for it.)
Hollywood liberals could not be reached for comment on the cost of the inauguration because they were being fitted for gowns and jewelry worth millions of dollars in anticipation of Oscar night.
Thursday, January 20, 2005
President Sworn-In to Second Term
Inauguration 2005 Address
President Bush:
Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Justice, President Carter, President Bush, President Clinton, reverend clergy, distinguished guests, fellow citizens:
On this day, prescribed by law and marked by ceremony, we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, and recall the deep commitments that unite our country. I am grateful for the honor of this hour, mindful of the consequential times in which we live, and determined to fulfill the oath that I have sworn and you have witnessed.
At this second gathering, our duties are defined not by the words I use, but by the history we have seen together. For a half century, America defended our own freedom by standing watch on distant borders. After the shipwreck of communism came years of relative quiet, years of repose, years of sabbatical - and then there came a day of fire.
We have seen our vulnerability - and we have seen its deepest source. For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny - prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder - violence will gather, and multiply in destructive power, and cross the most defended borders, and raise a mortal threat. There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment, and expose the pretensions of tyrants, and reward the hopes of the decent and tolerant, and that is the force of human freedom.
We are led, by events and common sense, to one conclusion: The survival of liberty in our land increasingly depends on the success of liberty in other lands. The best hope for peace in our world is the expansion of freedom in all the world.
America's vital interests and our deepest beliefs are now one. From the day of our Founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights, and dignity, and matchless value, because they bear the image of the Maker of Heaven and earth. Across the generations we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, because no one is fit to be a master, and no one deserves to be a slave. Advancing these ideals is the mission that created our Nation. It is the honorable achievement of our fathers. Now it is the urgent requirement of our nation's security, and the calling of our time.
So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.
This is not primarily the task of arms, though we will defend ourselves and our friends by force of arms when necessary. Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen, and defended by citizens, and sustained by the rule of law and the protection of minorities. And when the soul of a nation finally speaks, the institutions that arise may reflect customs and traditions very different from our own. America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling. Our goal instead is to help others find their own voice, attain their own freedom, and make their own way.
The great objective of ending tyranny is the concentrated work of generations. The difficulty of the task is no excuse for avoiding it. America's influence is not unlimited, but fortunately for the oppressed, America's influence is considerable, and we will use it confidently in freedom's cause.
My most solemn duty is to protect this nation and its people against further attacks and emerging threats. Some have unwisely chosen to test America's resolve, and have found it firm.
We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: The moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right. America will not pretend that jailed dissidents prefer their chains, or that women welcome humiliation and servitude, or that any human being aspires to live at the mercy of bullies.
We will encourage reform in other governments by making clear that success in our relations will require the decent treatment of their own people. America's belief in human dignity will guide our policies, yet rights must be more than the grudging concessions of dictators; they are secured by free dissent and the participation of the governed. In the long run, there is no justice without freedom, and there can be no human rights without human liberty.
Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty - though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of freedom ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come to those who love it.
Today, America speaks anew to the peoples of the world:
All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you.
Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are: the future leaders of your free country.
The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it."
The leaders of governments with long habits of control need to know: To serve your people you must learn to trust them. Start on this journey of progress and justice, and America will walk at your side.
And all the allies of the United States can know: we honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help. Division among free nations is a primary goal of freedom's enemies. The concerted effort of free nations to promote democracy is a prelude to our enemies' defeat.
Today, I also speak anew to my fellow citizens:
From all of you, I have asked patience in the hard task of securing America, which you have granted in good measure. Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon. Yet because we have acted in the great liberating tradition of this nation, tens of millions have achieved their freedom. And as hope kindles hope, millions more will find it. By our efforts, we have lit a fire as well - a fire in the minds of men. It warms those who feel its power, it burns those who fight its progress, and one day this untamed fire of freedom will reach the darkest corners of our world.
A few Americans have accepted the hardest duties in this cause - in the quiet work of intelligence and diplomacy ... the idealistic work of helping raise up free governments ... the dangerous and necessary work of fighting our enemies. Some have shown their devotion to our country in deaths that honored their whole lives - and we will always honor their names and their sacrifice.
All Americans have witnessed this idealism, and some for the first time. I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself - and in your days you will add not just to the wealth of our country, but to its character.
America has need of idealism and courage, because we have essential work at home - the unfinished work of American freedom. In a world moving toward liberty, we are determined to show the meaning and promise of liberty.
In America's ideal of freedom, citizens find the dignity and security of economic independence, instead of laboring on the edge of subsistence. This is the broader definition of liberty that motivated the Homestead Act, the Social Security Act, and the G.I. Bill of Rights. And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time. To give every American a stake in the promise and future of our country, we will bring the highest standards to our schools, and build an ownership society. We will widen the ownership of homes and businesses, retirement savings and health insurance - preparing our people for the challenges of life in a free society. By making every citizen an agent of his or her own destiny, we will give our fellow Americans greater freedom from want and fear, and make our society more prosperous and just and equal.
In America's ideal of freedom, the public interest depends on private character - on integrity, and tolerance toward others, and the rule of conscience in our own lives. Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self. That edifice of character is built in families, supported by communities with standards, and sustained in our national life by the truths of Sinai, the Sermon on the Mount, the words of the Koran, and the varied faiths of our people. Americans move forward in every generation by reaffirming all that is good and true that came before - ideals of justice and conduct that are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
In America's ideal of freedom, the exercise of rights is ennobled by service, and mercy, and a heart for the weak. Liberty for all does not mean independence from one another. Our nation relies on men and women who look after a neighbor and surround the lost with love. Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another, and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth. And our country must abandon all the habits of racism, because we cannot carry the message of freedom and the baggage of bigotry at the same time.
From the perspective of a single day, including this day of dedication, the issues and questions before our country are many. From the viewpoint of centuries, the questions that come to us are narrowed and few. Did our generation advance the cause of freedom? And did our character bring credit to that cause?
These questions that judge us also unite us, because Americans of every party and background, Americans by choice and by birth, are bound to one another in the cause of freedom. We have known divisions, which must be healed to move forward in great purposes - and I will strive in good faith to heal them. Yet those divisions do not define America. We felt the unity and fellowship of our nation when freedom came under attack, and our response came like a single hand over a single heart. And we can feel that same unity and pride whenever America acts for good, and the victims of disaster are given hope, and the unjust encounter justice, and the captives are set free.
We go forward with complete confidence in the eventual triumph of freedom. Not because history runs on the wheels of inevitability; it is human choices that move events. Not because we consider ourselves a chosen nation; God moves and chooses as He wills. We have confidence because freedom is the permanent hope of mankind, the hunger in dark places, the longing of the soul. When our Founders declared a new order of the ages; when soldiers died in wave upon wave for a union based on liberty; when citizens marched in peaceful outrage under the banner "Freedom Now" - they were acting on an ancient hope that is meant to be fulfilled. History has an ebb and flow of justice, but history also has a visible direction, set by liberty and the Author of Liberty.
When the Declaration of Independence was first read in public and the Liberty Bell was sounded in celebration, a witness said, "It rang as if it meant something." In our time it means something still. America, in this young century, proclaims liberty throughout all the world, and to all the inhabitants thereof. Renewed in our strength - tested, but not weary - we are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom.
May God bless you, and may He watch over the United States of America.
Inauguration 2005 Address
President Bush:
Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Justice, President Carter, President Bush, President Clinton, reverend clergy, distinguished guests, fellow citizens:
On this day, prescribed by law and marked by ceremony, we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, and recall the deep commitments that unite our country. I am grateful for the honor of this hour, mindful of the consequential times in which we live, and determined to fulfill the oath that I have sworn and you have witnessed.
At this second gathering, our duties are defined not by the words I use, but by the history we have seen together. For a half century, America defended our own freedom by standing watch on distant borders. After the shipwreck of communism came years of relative quiet, years of repose, years of sabbatical - and then there came a day of fire.
We have seen our vulnerability - and we have seen its deepest source. For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny - prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder - violence will gather, and multiply in destructive power, and cross the most defended borders, and raise a mortal threat. There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment, and expose the pretensions of tyrants, and reward the hopes of the decent and tolerant, and that is the force of human freedom.
We are led, by events and common sense, to one conclusion: The survival of liberty in our land increasingly depends on the success of liberty in other lands. The best hope for peace in our world is the expansion of freedom in all the world.
America's vital interests and our deepest beliefs are now one. From the day of our Founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights, and dignity, and matchless value, because they bear the image of the Maker of Heaven and earth. Across the generations we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, because no one is fit to be a master, and no one deserves to be a slave. Advancing these ideals is the mission that created our Nation. It is the honorable achievement of our fathers. Now it is the urgent requirement of our nation's security, and the calling of our time.
So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.
This is not primarily the task of arms, though we will defend ourselves and our friends by force of arms when necessary. Freedom, by its nature, must be chosen, and defended by citizens, and sustained by the rule of law and the protection of minorities. And when the soul of a nation finally speaks, the institutions that arise may reflect customs and traditions very different from our own. America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling. Our goal instead is to help others find their own voice, attain their own freedom, and make their own way.
The great objective of ending tyranny is the concentrated work of generations. The difficulty of the task is no excuse for avoiding it. America's influence is not unlimited, but fortunately for the oppressed, America's influence is considerable, and we will use it confidently in freedom's cause.
My most solemn duty is to protect this nation and its people against further attacks and emerging threats. Some have unwisely chosen to test America's resolve, and have found it firm.
We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: The moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and freedom, which is eternally right. America will not pretend that jailed dissidents prefer their chains, or that women welcome humiliation and servitude, or that any human being aspires to live at the mercy of bullies.
We will encourage reform in other governments by making clear that success in our relations will require the decent treatment of their own people. America's belief in human dignity will guide our policies, yet rights must be more than the grudging concessions of dictators; they are secured by free dissent and the participation of the governed. In the long run, there is no justice without freedom, and there can be no human rights without human liberty.
Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty - though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of freedom ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals. Eventually, the call of freedom comes to every mind and every soul. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come to those who love it.
Today, America speaks anew to the peoples of the world:
All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you.
Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are: the future leaders of your free country.
The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it."
The leaders of governments with long habits of control need to know: To serve your people you must learn to trust them. Start on this journey of progress and justice, and America will walk at your side.
And all the allies of the United States can know: we honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help. Division among free nations is a primary goal of freedom's enemies. The concerted effort of free nations to promote democracy is a prelude to our enemies' defeat.
Today, I also speak anew to my fellow citizens:
From all of you, I have asked patience in the hard task of securing America, which you have granted in good measure. Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon. Yet because we have acted in the great liberating tradition of this nation, tens of millions have achieved their freedom. And as hope kindles hope, millions more will find it. By our efforts, we have lit a fire as well - a fire in the minds of men. It warms those who feel its power, it burns those who fight its progress, and one day this untamed fire of freedom will reach the darkest corners of our world.
A few Americans have accepted the hardest duties in this cause - in the quiet work of intelligence and diplomacy ... the idealistic work of helping raise up free governments ... the dangerous and necessary work of fighting our enemies. Some have shown their devotion to our country in deaths that honored their whole lives - and we will always honor their names and their sacrifice.
All Americans have witnessed this idealism, and some for the first time. I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself - and in your days you will add not just to the wealth of our country, but to its character.
America has need of idealism and courage, because we have essential work at home - the unfinished work of American freedom. In a world moving toward liberty, we are determined to show the meaning and promise of liberty.
In America's ideal of freedom, citizens find the dignity and security of economic independence, instead of laboring on the edge of subsistence. This is the broader definition of liberty that motivated the Homestead Act, the Social Security Act, and the G.I. Bill of Rights. And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time. To give every American a stake in the promise and future of our country, we will bring the highest standards to our schools, and build an ownership society. We will widen the ownership of homes and businesses, retirement savings and health insurance - preparing our people for the challenges of life in a free society. By making every citizen an agent of his or her own destiny, we will give our fellow Americans greater freedom from want and fear, and make our society more prosperous and just and equal.
In America's ideal of freedom, the public interest depends on private character - on integrity, and tolerance toward others, and the rule of conscience in our own lives. Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self. That edifice of character is built in families, supported by communities with standards, and sustained in our national life by the truths of Sinai, the Sermon on the Mount, the words of the Koran, and the varied faiths of our people. Americans move forward in every generation by reaffirming all that is good and true that came before - ideals of justice and conduct that are the same yesterday, today, and forever.
In America's ideal of freedom, the exercise of rights is ennobled by service, and mercy, and a heart for the weak. Liberty for all does not mean independence from one another. Our nation relies on men and women who look after a neighbor and surround the lost with love. Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another, and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth. And our country must abandon all the habits of racism, because we cannot carry the message of freedom and the baggage of bigotry at the same time.
From the perspective of a single day, including this day of dedication, the issues and questions before our country are many. From the viewpoint of centuries, the questions that come to us are narrowed and few. Did our generation advance the cause of freedom? And did our character bring credit to that cause?
These questions that judge us also unite us, because Americans of every party and background, Americans by choice and by birth, are bound to one another in the cause of freedom. We have known divisions, which must be healed to move forward in great purposes - and I will strive in good faith to heal them. Yet those divisions do not define America. We felt the unity and fellowship of our nation when freedom came under attack, and our response came like a single hand over a single heart. And we can feel that same unity and pride whenever America acts for good, and the victims of disaster are given hope, and the unjust encounter justice, and the captives are set free.
We go forward with complete confidence in the eventual triumph of freedom. Not because history runs on the wheels of inevitability; it is human choices that move events. Not because we consider ourselves a chosen nation; God moves and chooses as He wills. We have confidence because freedom is the permanent hope of mankind, the hunger in dark places, the longing of the soul. When our Founders declared a new order of the ages; when soldiers died in wave upon wave for a union based on liberty; when citizens marched in peaceful outrage under the banner "Freedom Now" - they were acting on an ancient hope that is meant to be fulfilled. History has an ebb and flow of justice, but history also has a visible direction, set by liberty and the Author of Liberty.
When the Declaration of Independence was first read in public and the Liberty Bell was sounded in celebration, a witness said, "It rang as if it meant something." In our time it means something still. America, in this young century, proclaims liberty throughout all the world, and to all the inhabitants thereof. Renewed in our strength - tested, but not weary - we are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of freedom.
May God bless you, and may He watch over the United States of America.
Ex-Klansman Blocks Condi's Confirmation
A former Ku Klux Klansman who once vowed to keep the military segregated is single-handedly holding up the confirmation of Secretary of State-nominee Condoleezza Rice, the first African-American woman to be appointed to the office.
"Senator Robert Byrd, an outspoken critic of the Iraq war, announced late [Wednesday] that he would not allow the Senate to approve Ms. Rice without a few days of consideration of her lengthy testimony, and at least a token debate on the floor," reports the New York Times.
Sen. Byrd's maneuver came just hours after the Senate Foreign Relations Committee approved her nomination by a vote of 16 to 2.
NewsMax: The West Virginia Democrat, who officially left the Klan in 1943 but continued to advise the anti-black group for years afterward, said through a spokesman that he was merely assuring that the Senate fulfilled its constitutional role of advise and consent.
But the decision by Democrats to make Sen. Byrd the point man in the continuing assault against such a prominent African-American is a particulary awkward one, given his long history of racial misconduct.
In 2001, for instance, Byrd was forced to apologize after he blurted out the N-word twice during a nationally televised interview.
"There are white n****rs, I've seen a lot of white n****rs in my time," Byrd told Fox News Sunday.
In the early 1970s, Byrd pushed to have the Senate's main office building named after Sen. Richard Russell, a leading opponent of anti-lynching legislation who the West Virginia Democrat called "my mentor."
Byrd filibustered the 1964 Civil Rights Act for 14 straight hours. And three years after he said he'd left his white-sheeted brethren behind, he wrote to Georgia's Grand Imperial Wizard, urging, "The Klan is needed today as never before."
Sen. Byrd was also a fierce opponent of desegregating the military, complaining in one letter: "I should rather die a thousand times and see old glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again than see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen of the wilds."
A former Ku Klux Klansman who once vowed to keep the military segregated is single-handedly holding up the confirmation of Secretary of State-nominee Condoleezza Rice, the first African-American woman to be appointed to the office.
"Senator Robert Byrd, an outspoken critic of the Iraq war, announced late [Wednesday] that he would not allow the Senate to approve Ms. Rice without a few days of consideration of her lengthy testimony, and at least a token debate on the floor," reports the New York Times.
Sen. Byrd's maneuver came just hours after the Senate Foreign Relations Committee approved her nomination by a vote of 16 to 2.
NewsMax: The West Virginia Democrat, who officially left the Klan in 1943 but continued to advise the anti-black group for years afterward, said through a spokesman that he was merely assuring that the Senate fulfilled its constitutional role of advise and consent.
But the decision by Democrats to make Sen. Byrd the point man in the continuing assault against such a prominent African-American is a particulary awkward one, given his long history of racial misconduct.
In 2001, for instance, Byrd was forced to apologize after he blurted out the N-word twice during a nationally televised interview.
"There are white n****rs, I've seen a lot of white n****rs in my time," Byrd told Fox News Sunday.
In the early 1970s, Byrd pushed to have the Senate's main office building named after Sen. Richard Russell, a leading opponent of anti-lynching legislation who the West Virginia Democrat called "my mentor."
Byrd filibustered the 1964 Civil Rights Act for 14 straight hours. And three years after he said he'd left his white-sheeted brethren behind, he wrote to Georgia's Grand Imperial Wizard, urging, "The Klan is needed today as never before."
Sen. Byrd was also a fierce opponent of desegregating the military, complaining in one letter: "I should rather die a thousand times and see old glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again than see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels, a throwback to the blackest specimen of the wilds."
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
You know what’s interesting - a lot of celebrities complaining about the cost and the glamour of the inauguration. They think the millions of dollars instead of being spent on frivolous parties could be put to better use. Like the Golden Globes or the People’s Choice Awards. Something like that.
It is a beautiful day here in California but there’s a huge cold spell has hit the east. The wind chill was something like – 45 degrees in New York today. It was colder than Doug Brien’s field goal kicking.
It was so cold in Washington, Marion Barry was using his crack pipe as a space heater!
It’s so cold in Washington for the inauguration tomorrow they might need to use jumper cables to start the president’s limo and Dick Cheney.
Tomorrow of course is President Bush’s big inauguration. Bush said being reelected doesn’t have the same pressures as the first term and he says he wants to enjoy himself in the oval office this time. Well not as much as Clinton enjoyed himself, but he wants to….
Security will be so tight, the only Arabs allowed in any of the inaugural parties will have to show proof they own an oil well.
Republican speech writer Peggy Noonan, says that a president's second inaugural speech usually refers to the accomplishments of the past four years. So the good news is, it should be a really short speech.
An article in the "New Yorker” magazine says that the next place the Bush administration is planning to attack is Iran. Boy, that seems like a mistake, doesn't it? Shouldn’t we go after the Neverland Ranch first? Free those people?
Here in California a convicted murderer was executed by the State of California this morning. The bad news, it wasn’t Scott Peterson.
Virgin Airlines announced that they’re going to have a casino on their new giant double-decker airplane. Do you really need casinos on airplanes? I mean, the pilots are drunk, you’re breathing the same air as 550 other people, security is being handled by a bunch of minimum wage workers, how much more gambling do you need? Oh, let’s throw dice too!
They try to make it sound so cool. They have say this plane has a private bar. It’s a private bar? Is there a big problem with passengers from other planes stopping in for a drink?
According to a new poll, 66% of baseball fans feel baseball’s new steroid policy doesn’t go far enough. A first offense only suspends you for ten games. Fans want a steeper penalty. That’s now during the off-season. Wait ‘til they sit through a few one to nothing games. They’ll be going "we want steroids! We want steroids!”
Some colleges such as Rutgers University are now beginning to offer dorms for recovering alcoholics. As opposed to regular college dorms, which train you to be an alcoholic?
Robert Blake and the jury have now been taken to Vitello’s twice. The defense is concerned jurors will be influenced by the restaurant’s new slogan: "Where Robert Blake killed his wife.”
More details coming out about Michael Jackson. It seems his 13-year old accuser testified before a grand jury that Michael had seven locks on his bedroom door. See what happened was, whenever Michael would install one lock, the kid would grow an inch taller, and he’d have to put in another one….and then another one…and then another one.
Here’s the latest in the Kobe Bryant civil trial — his lawyers said the other side can’t ask for his sexual history because it would be unfair to all his sex partners. Technically they’re silent partners — whenever they tried to say no, Kobe would say, "Be quiet”.
Kobe is out for at least two weeks with a severely sprained ankle. Kobe’s wife is keeping tabs on his injury. In fact, I think her exact words were, "Give me a ring when you can play again.”
CBS is considering replacing Dan Rather with multiple news anchors. As opposed to Dan, who was one anchor with multiple personalities?
ABC is working on a 4-hour miniseries that will be a remake of the Ten Commandments. Of course, first they have to buy the rights to the bible from Mel Gibson.
Kirstie Alley is busy filming her new show – "Two and a Half Women.”
Letterman
(Guest host Paul Schaeffer) I thank you for masking your disappointment with applause.
For those viewing at home I’ll give you a minute to find the remote.
I’m Paul Schaeffer and I’m guest hosting tonight. Dave is off tonight. He’s accepting an award. In otherwords he’s in rehab.
He’s in Michigan tonight to accept a trophy along with his racing team for the Indy 500 win. Dave owns a racing team along with Bobby Rahal. They just had a great year. Just impressive. They averaged 138 miles per hour – and that was just Dave on his way to Michigan.
Since I’m hosting tonight I was hoping I’d get to flirt with some beautiful starlets. They booked Harvey Feirstein.
Everyone has been congratulating me and wishing me luck on hosting tonight. CBS sent me a forged congratulations letter.
I hope Dave isn’t Tivo-ing this.
Conan
The big inauguration is tomorrow. In preparation today President Bush visited the National Archives and saw an original copy of The Constitution. When the president saw The Constitution he said, "There’s that thing from School House Rock!”
A man in Florida has been arrested for selling marijuana while working at a Long John Silvers. Police became suspicious when they saw someone going into Long John Silvers.
A lot of the country is cold right now. Some places it’s 50 below. You can tell it’s cold out because today some of the red states turned blue.
This weekend Mets catcher Mike Piazza is getting married. The wedding is going to be a small one, Piazza, his wife and the three remaining Mets fans.
Ferguson
Everyone in Washington is getting ready for the inauguration tomorrow. Security is very tight. There’s anti-aircraft missiles at the capitol. There’s F-16’s patrolling the air around Washington. And all the bartenders have been given strict warnings not to serve the Bush twins.
Today Condoleezza Rice was confirmed. When the president heard the news he said, "I didn’t even know she was Catholic.”
Midwest Airlines has announced they will start a new frequent flyer program for animals. That’s a logical step since they already serve dog food.
Pitcher Roger Clemens is asking for $22 million dollars in his contract in order to play next season. $22 million! How expensive have steroids gotten?
Leno
You know what’s interesting - a lot of celebrities complaining about the cost and the glamour of the inauguration. They think the millions of dollars instead of being spent on frivolous parties could be put to better use. Like the Golden Globes or the People’s Choice Awards. Something like that.
It is a beautiful day here in California but there’s a huge cold spell has hit the east. The wind chill was something like – 45 degrees in New York today. It was colder than Doug Brien’s field goal kicking.
It was so cold in Washington, Marion Barry was using his crack pipe as a space heater!
It’s so cold in Washington for the inauguration tomorrow they might need to use jumper cables to start the president’s limo and Dick Cheney.
Tomorrow of course is President Bush’s big inauguration. Bush said being reelected doesn’t have the same pressures as the first term and he says he wants to enjoy himself in the oval office this time. Well not as much as Clinton enjoyed himself, but he wants to….
Security will be so tight, the only Arabs allowed in any of the inaugural parties will have to show proof they own an oil well.
Republican speech writer Peggy Noonan, says that a president's second inaugural speech usually refers to the accomplishments of the past four years. So the good news is, it should be a really short speech.
An article in the "New Yorker” magazine says that the next place the Bush administration is planning to attack is Iran. Boy, that seems like a mistake, doesn't it? Shouldn’t we go after the Neverland Ranch first? Free those people?
Here in California a convicted murderer was executed by the State of California this morning. The bad news, it wasn’t Scott Peterson.
Virgin Airlines announced that they’re going to have a casino on their new giant double-decker airplane. Do you really need casinos on airplanes? I mean, the pilots are drunk, you’re breathing the same air as 550 other people, security is being handled by a bunch of minimum wage workers, how much more gambling do you need? Oh, let’s throw dice too!
They try to make it sound so cool. They have say this plane has a private bar. It’s a private bar? Is there a big problem with passengers from other planes stopping in for a drink?
According to a new poll, 66% of baseball fans feel baseball’s new steroid policy doesn’t go far enough. A first offense only suspends you for ten games. Fans want a steeper penalty. That’s now during the off-season. Wait ‘til they sit through a few one to nothing games. They’ll be going "we want steroids! We want steroids!”
Some colleges such as Rutgers University are now beginning to offer dorms for recovering alcoholics. As opposed to regular college dorms, which train you to be an alcoholic?
Robert Blake and the jury have now been taken to Vitello’s twice. The defense is concerned jurors will be influenced by the restaurant’s new slogan: "Where Robert Blake killed his wife.”
More details coming out about Michael Jackson. It seems his 13-year old accuser testified before a grand jury that Michael had seven locks on his bedroom door. See what happened was, whenever Michael would install one lock, the kid would grow an inch taller, and he’d have to put in another one….and then another one…and then another one.
Here’s the latest in the Kobe Bryant civil trial — his lawyers said the other side can’t ask for his sexual history because it would be unfair to all his sex partners. Technically they’re silent partners — whenever they tried to say no, Kobe would say, "Be quiet”.
Kobe is out for at least two weeks with a severely sprained ankle. Kobe’s wife is keeping tabs on his injury. In fact, I think her exact words were, "Give me a ring when you can play again.”
CBS is considering replacing Dan Rather with multiple news anchors. As opposed to Dan, who was one anchor with multiple personalities?
ABC is working on a 4-hour miniseries that will be a remake of the Ten Commandments. Of course, first they have to buy the rights to the bible from Mel Gibson.
Kirstie Alley is busy filming her new show – "Two and a Half Women.”
Letterman
(Guest host Paul Schaeffer) I thank you for masking your disappointment with applause.
For those viewing at home I’ll give you a minute to find the remote.
I’m Paul Schaeffer and I’m guest hosting tonight. Dave is off tonight. He’s accepting an award. In otherwords he’s in rehab.
He’s in Michigan tonight to accept a trophy along with his racing team for the Indy 500 win. Dave owns a racing team along with Bobby Rahal. They just had a great year. Just impressive. They averaged 138 miles per hour – and that was just Dave on his way to Michigan.
Since I’m hosting tonight I was hoping I’d get to flirt with some beautiful starlets. They booked Harvey Feirstein.
Everyone has been congratulating me and wishing me luck on hosting tonight. CBS sent me a forged congratulations letter.
I hope Dave isn’t Tivo-ing this.
Conan
The big inauguration is tomorrow. In preparation today President Bush visited the National Archives and saw an original copy of The Constitution. When the president saw The Constitution he said, "There’s that thing from School House Rock!”
A man in Florida has been arrested for selling marijuana while working at a Long John Silvers. Police became suspicious when they saw someone going into Long John Silvers.
A lot of the country is cold right now. Some places it’s 50 below. You can tell it’s cold out because today some of the red states turned blue.
This weekend Mets catcher Mike Piazza is getting married. The wedding is going to be a small one, Piazza, his wife and the three remaining Mets fans.
Ferguson
Everyone in Washington is getting ready for the inauguration tomorrow. Security is very tight. There’s anti-aircraft missiles at the capitol. There’s F-16’s patrolling the air around Washington. And all the bartenders have been given strict warnings not to serve the Bush twins.
Today Condoleezza Rice was confirmed. When the president heard the news he said, "I didn’t even know she was Catholic.”
Midwest Airlines has announced they will start a new frequent flyer program for animals. That’s a logical step since they already serve dog food.
Pitcher Roger Clemens is asking for $22 million dollars in his contract in order to play next season. $22 million! How expensive have steroids gotten?
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
Self-demolishing Dems
A week after she tearfully sided with the wackadoo wing by becoming the only member of the Senate to vote against certifying President Bush's election victory, Boxer crossed the line again. This time, she was dry-eyed as she used the hearing on Rice's nomination to be secretary of state to accuse Rice of lying repeatedly about Saddam Hussein and the Iraq war.
Liar!
Am not!
Liar!
Am not!
Senate confirmation hearings don't get any more raw than the bareknuckle back-and-forth yesterday between Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) and Condoleezza Rice.
Pants on fire!
Michael Goodwin: That would apply to Boxer, who seems to be going through a terminal meltdown. Something is driving her over the edge, and she's determined to take the Democratic Party with her.
"Your loyalty to the mission ... overwhelmed your respect for the truth," Boxer said during a haranguing 12-minute attack based on statements Rice and Bush have made. Boxer did not ask a single question, being too busy replaying the presidential race.
Rice can take the heat. She calmly rebutted the quotations Boxer trotted out and said forcefully of Saddam, "It was high time we got rid of him, and I'm glad that we're rid of him."
She also fired back at Boxer's insults, saying, "I really hope you will refrain from impugning my integrity."
"I'm not," Boxer piped up, denying the thing she was obviously doing.
The smackdown ended only when the spoilsport committee chairman, Sen. Richard Lugar (R-Ind.), said, "Let me intervene" and called for a lunch break. Just when it was getting good.
My problem is that Boxer came off as someone who needs a rest. Just as Sen. Edward Kennedy did in the hearings on Alberto Gonzales to be the next attorney general. Kennedy and Boxer both lectured Bush's nominees in condescending moral terms, with Kennedy saying, "I wouldn't have" engaged in discussions of torture.
I wanted Gonzales to ask Kennedy if he had been to Chappaquiddick lately. And I wouldn't have blamed Rice had she told Boxer to stuff it.
Boxer and Kennedy are living in the past, back when it was okay for limousine liberals to tell the rest of us how to live. And maybe they're going a little nuts with frustration because white-bread Bush was reelected and he's the one nominating the first Hispanic attorney general and the first black female secretary of state.
Whatever's bugging them, Kennedy and Boxer need to get a grip. They're embarrassing themselves and defining their party as a bunch of sour-grapes, out-of-touch losers. All the talk about Dems moving back to the political center and working with Bush is being demolished every time these two open their potty mouths.
Of course, there is another, even more scary possibility: Maybe Kennedy and Boxer actually speak for the majority of their party.
In that case, Dems are in more trouble than they can ever imagine.
A week after she tearfully sided with the wackadoo wing by becoming the only member of the Senate to vote against certifying President Bush's election victory, Boxer crossed the line again. This time, she was dry-eyed as she used the hearing on Rice's nomination to be secretary of state to accuse Rice of lying repeatedly about Saddam Hussein and the Iraq war.
Liar!
Am not!
Liar!
Am not!
Senate confirmation hearings don't get any more raw than the bareknuckle back-and-forth yesterday between Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) and Condoleezza Rice.
Pants on fire!
Michael Goodwin: That would apply to Boxer, who seems to be going through a terminal meltdown. Something is driving her over the edge, and she's determined to take the Democratic Party with her.
"Your loyalty to the mission ... overwhelmed your respect for the truth," Boxer said during a haranguing 12-minute attack based on statements Rice and Bush have made. Boxer did not ask a single question, being too busy replaying the presidential race.
Rice can take the heat. She calmly rebutted the quotations Boxer trotted out and said forcefully of Saddam, "It was high time we got rid of him, and I'm glad that we're rid of him."
She also fired back at Boxer's insults, saying, "I really hope you will refrain from impugning my integrity."
"I'm not," Boxer piped up, denying the thing she was obviously doing.
The smackdown ended only when the spoilsport committee chairman, Sen. Richard Lugar (R-Ind.), said, "Let me intervene" and called for a lunch break. Just when it was getting good.
My problem is that Boxer came off as someone who needs a rest. Just as Sen. Edward Kennedy did in the hearings on Alberto Gonzales to be the next attorney general. Kennedy and Boxer both lectured Bush's nominees in condescending moral terms, with Kennedy saying, "I wouldn't have" engaged in discussions of torture.
I wanted Gonzales to ask Kennedy if he had been to Chappaquiddick lately. And I wouldn't have blamed Rice had she told Boxer to stuff it.
Boxer and Kennedy are living in the past, back when it was okay for limousine liberals to tell the rest of us how to live. And maybe they're going a little nuts with frustration because white-bread Bush was reelected and he's the one nominating the first Hispanic attorney general and the first black female secretary of state.
Whatever's bugging them, Kennedy and Boxer need to get a grip. They're embarrassing themselves and defining their party as a bunch of sour-grapes, out-of-touch losers. All the talk about Dems moving back to the political center and working with Bush is being demolished every time these two open their potty mouths.
Of course, there is another, even more scary possibility: Maybe Kennedy and Boxer actually speak for the majority of their party.
In that case, Dems are in more trouble than they can ever imagine.
Pictures Of The Day
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
Jihadist Army
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
Jihadist Army
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
Here’s some exciting news - according to the "New York Post”, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for president in 2008. Gore and Kerry again! Political experts say it’s too early to tell who would lose bigger!
This Thursday is President Bush’s inauguration, very exciting, but, be careful, there are a lot of con-artists out there selling phony inaugural party tickets. Like I got an invitation in the mail the other day to a performance called "George W. Bush, the Man Who Saved the World” it was narrated by Dan Rather, sung by Barbara Streisand, and directed by Michael Moore. I think it’s fake. I’m guessing it’s fake.
Some groups are calling on people to fast and pray on the day of Bush’s inauguration to protest his reelection. That’s not going to work. The people who fast and pray are the ones who voted for him in. That’s his audience.
Today at her confirmation hearing for Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice said that it's time for the United States to start using more diplomacy. Oh man, we must be running really low on ammunition.
Election Day in Iraq is less than 2 weeks away and as preparation, we are completely sealing the Iraq borders. How can we seal the Iraq borders — we can’t even seal the California border.
European airline manufacturer, Airbus, sounds attractive, doesn’t it, Airbus? Airbus has unveiled their design for a new double-decker jumbo jet. It seats 555 average sized people or 126 fat ass Americans.
That’s a good trend, huh? Planes getting bigger, pilots getting drunker. Yeah, that’s a good idea.
How stupid is this - two companies are now making R.V.’s that they say can withstand the radiation from a nuclear attack. Okay, let’s say that’s true, and you buy one, and you’re doesn’t work…how do you get your money back on something like that?
This is something that made me think - according to "Life” magazine, every coffee bean passes through at least forty pairs of hands before it gets to you. Forty people touch each coffee bean. There’s another thing about coffee that’ll keep you up all night.
Some sad news - the CEO of Krispy Kreme donuts was fired today. Apparently he had no idea it was coming, and when they told him, his eyes just glazed over.
The E! Channel has announced they’re going to start broadcasting recreations of the Michael Jackson trial, using actors reading the transcripts. I believe the role of michael will be played by Latoya Jackson.
And the role of Michael’s young accuser will be played by David Spade.
Did you hear about this? You know Richard Hatch, the first "Survivor” winner, the naked guy, he did not report his million dollar prize winnings to the IRS. Now he’s starring in another series, "Survivor: Prison Shower”. Let’s see how much he likes walking around naked now.
Our old friend Donald Trump is getting married this weekend. That will be a small, quiet affair I’m sure. Donald has invited both his ex-wives to his wedding. That’s gotta make a bride uncomfortable, huh? Walking down the aisle, seeing your new husband’s ex-wives sitting there holding a place for you.
You think that’s weird inviting your ex-wives to the wedding? Would you invite your ex-wives to your wedding? Hey, at least it’s better than Jennifer Lopez who invites her future husbands to the weddings.
According to the "New York Post”, Paris Hilton is now asking $300,000 to make a personal appearance. Three hundred thousand dollars? Seems like an awful lot, especially when you can just download her video for $19.95.
Letterman
Have you heard about this new Airbus built in Europe? It’s a double-decker plane, the largest ever built. It also comes with 30 bitchy male flight attendants.
Ferguson
There’s a new type of breast implant that’s a material that feels like the Gummi Bears candy. Hey I’m thinking that if we’re going to make breast implants like candy why don’t we start with Whoppers?
News from Washington – today Condoleezza Rice stated that we have no plans to attack North Korea. That can mean only one thing. North Korea has no oil.
A group that evaluates gym teachers across the country has given American gym teachers an F. Do you really think any gym teacher cares about a few F’s? Isn’t that how they got the job?
There’s a new modern translation of the Bible out. It’s very modern, I think it goes too far. It starts out with "Brand and Jennifer left the Garden of Eden.”
Kevin Costner turns 50 today. He had plans to celebrate with a small but intimate group in his home – the people that have seen his last five movies.
Leno
Here’s some exciting news - according to the "New York Post”, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for president in 2008. Gore and Kerry again! Political experts say it’s too early to tell who would lose bigger!
This Thursday is President Bush’s inauguration, very exciting, but, be careful, there are a lot of con-artists out there selling phony inaugural party tickets. Like I got an invitation in the mail the other day to a performance called "George W. Bush, the Man Who Saved the World” it was narrated by Dan Rather, sung by Barbara Streisand, and directed by Michael Moore. I think it’s fake. I’m guessing it’s fake.
Some groups are calling on people to fast and pray on the day of Bush’s inauguration to protest his reelection. That’s not going to work. The people who fast and pray are the ones who voted for him in. That’s his audience.
Today at her confirmation hearing for Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice said that it's time for the United States to start using more diplomacy. Oh man, we must be running really low on ammunition.
Election Day in Iraq is less than 2 weeks away and as preparation, we are completely sealing the Iraq borders. How can we seal the Iraq borders — we can’t even seal the California border.
European airline manufacturer, Airbus, sounds attractive, doesn’t it, Airbus? Airbus has unveiled their design for a new double-decker jumbo jet. It seats 555 average sized people or 126 fat ass Americans.
That’s a good trend, huh? Planes getting bigger, pilots getting drunker. Yeah, that’s a good idea.
How stupid is this - two companies are now making R.V.’s that they say can withstand the radiation from a nuclear attack. Okay, let’s say that’s true, and you buy one, and you’re doesn’t work…how do you get your money back on something like that?
This is something that made me think - according to "Life” magazine, every coffee bean passes through at least forty pairs of hands before it gets to you. Forty people touch each coffee bean. There’s another thing about coffee that’ll keep you up all night.
Some sad news - the CEO of Krispy Kreme donuts was fired today. Apparently he had no idea it was coming, and when they told him, his eyes just glazed over.
The E! Channel has announced they’re going to start broadcasting recreations of the Michael Jackson trial, using actors reading the transcripts. I believe the role of michael will be played by Latoya Jackson.
And the role of Michael’s young accuser will be played by David Spade.
Did you hear about this? You know Richard Hatch, the first "Survivor” winner, the naked guy, he did not report his million dollar prize winnings to the IRS. Now he’s starring in another series, "Survivor: Prison Shower”. Let’s see how much he likes walking around naked now.
Our old friend Donald Trump is getting married this weekend. That will be a small, quiet affair I’m sure. Donald has invited both his ex-wives to his wedding. That’s gotta make a bride uncomfortable, huh? Walking down the aisle, seeing your new husband’s ex-wives sitting there holding a place for you.
You think that’s weird inviting your ex-wives to the wedding? Would you invite your ex-wives to your wedding? Hey, at least it’s better than Jennifer Lopez who invites her future husbands to the weddings.
According to the "New York Post”, Paris Hilton is now asking $300,000 to make a personal appearance. Three hundred thousand dollars? Seems like an awful lot, especially when you can just download her video for $19.95.
Letterman
Have you heard about this new Airbus built in Europe? It’s a double-decker plane, the largest ever built. It also comes with 30 bitchy male flight attendants.
Ferguson
There’s a new type of breast implant that’s a material that feels like the Gummi Bears candy. Hey I’m thinking that if we’re going to make breast implants like candy why don’t we start with Whoppers?
News from Washington – today Condoleezza Rice stated that we have no plans to attack North Korea. That can mean only one thing. North Korea has no oil.
A group that evaluates gym teachers across the country has given American gym teachers an F. Do you really think any gym teacher cares about a few F’s? Isn’t that how they got the job?
There’s a new modern translation of the Bible out. It’s very modern, I think it goes too far. It starts out with "Brand and Jennifer left the Garden of Eden.”
Kevin Costner turns 50 today. He had plans to celebrate with a small but intimate group in his home – the people that have seen his last five movies.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Kerry Uses MLK Day to Cry Over Election
Sen. John Kerry, in some of his most pointed public comments yet about the presidential election, invoked Martin Luther King Jr.'s legacy on Monday as he criticized President Bush and decried reports of voter disenfranchisement.
The Massachusetts Democrat spoke at Boston's annual Martin Luther King Day Breakfast. He reiterated that he decided not to challenge the election results, but "thousands of people were suppressed in the effort to vote."
"Voting machines were distributed in uneven ways. In Democratic districts, it took people four, five, eleven hours to vote, while Republicans [went] through in 10 minutes - same voting machines, same process, our America," he said.
In his comments, Kerry also compared the democracy-building efforts in Iraq with voting in the U.S., saying that Americans had their names purged from voting lists and were kept from casting ballots.
"In a nation which is willing to spend several hundred million dollars in Iraq to bring them democracy, we cannot tolerate that too many people here in America were denied that democracy," Kerry said.
Sen. John Kerry, in some of his most pointed public comments yet about the presidential election, invoked Martin Luther King Jr.'s legacy on Monday as he criticized President Bush and decried reports of voter disenfranchisement.
The Massachusetts Democrat spoke at Boston's annual Martin Luther King Day Breakfast. He reiterated that he decided not to challenge the election results, but "thousands of people were suppressed in the effort to vote."
"Voting machines were distributed in uneven ways. In Democratic districts, it took people four, five, eleven hours to vote, while Republicans [went] through in 10 minutes - same voting machines, same process, our America," he said.
In his comments, Kerry also compared the democracy-building efforts in Iraq with voting in the U.S., saying that Americans had their names purged from voting lists and were kept from casting ballots.
"In a nation which is willing to spend several hundred million dollars in Iraq to bring them democracy, we cannot tolerate that too many people here in America were denied that democracy," Kerry said.
Pictures Of The Day
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
Jesse Jackson - Shakedown R Us
More great pictures from You. The website "Pictures Of The Day", will give us a place to share your pictures with others.
Jesse Jackson - Shakedown R Us
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
I hope you all had a nice holiday. Today of course is Martin Luther King Day, the day we honor the legacy of martin Luther king. We’ve come a long way. We used to divide the country into black and white. Now we divide it into red states and blue states.
President Bush today gave a big speech honoring the life of Martin Luther King. He said, "Martin Luther King hosts my favorite show on CNN.” Finally, somebody said to him, "Um, Mr. President, that’s Larry King.”
It was a big night for "Nip/Tuck” last night. Otherwise known as the Golden Globes. How many watched that thing?
Leonardo Dicaprio won for best actor in "The Aviator”. At the party afterwards he was drinking so much, people actually thought he was a real pilot!
Hillary Clinton also made an appearance. I think she won for "Kill Bill”!
This was the biggest gathering of Hollywood celebrities since the November anti-Bush rally.
They say the Golden Globes is generally looked on as a precursor to the Oscars. Just like the Vibe Awards are a precursor to the next "America’s Most Wanted”.
In an interview in "USA Today”, President Bush said he’s not going to spend more money on "programs that aren’t working.” So I guess the war in Iraq is over. That’s great news. How ‘bout that?
President Bush also told a reporter that he saw his reelection by the American people as their approval to continue the war in Iraq. You know kind of the same way, Bill Clinton felt his reelection meant to the American people they wanted him to keep cheating on Hillary.
Twenty-eight prisoners have escaped from Abu Ghraib Prison. You know, we oughta to keep these guys on a tighter leash. I don’t know what’s going on….apparently one of the bottom guys in the pyramid snuck out.
Actually Prince Harry said today that he isn’t a closet Nazi. Although he does have Nazi clothes in his closet.
Robert Blake and the jury have now been taken to Vitello’s twice. They went at 5 pm. The other day, then back to the courtroom. Then they had to return because Robert Blake left his gun in a booth again.
Great episode of "Medium” earlier tonight on NBC – in this one, Allison contracts the recently dead to find out what happened. The Indianapolis Colts.
Once again the New England Patriots, they beat the Colts to advance to the AFC Championship game. Also, congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles, they beat Minnesota 27-14. In fact, randy moss was so upset, he wouldn’t show his face or his ass after the game!
Baseball’s new anti-drug plan is being criticized now for not including amphetamines, which are thought to be at least as prevalent as steroids. Amphetamines! You thought baseball was slow before. That’s when they were on speed! How slow is it going to be when you take that away?
Baseball says it will be looking more closely for unusual signs that players are on steroids. Like for example, if Arizona starts winning.
According to court testimony we’re finding out what life was like in Michael Jackson’s bedroom. Apparently it was heavily protected by locks, sensors and security devices. Wow! Michael likes to sleep in a high security environment. Whew, he’s going to love prison. This will work out great.
Letterman
The Jets have just missed two more field goals!
Prince Harry has embarrassed the royal family yet again. He showed up at a party dressed as the Jets kicker.
The flu is going around. Everyone is getting it. In fact the guy that wrote this joke had to go home before he finished it.
This week is an important anniversary. Seven years ago President Clinton said, "I didn’t not have sexual relations with that woman.” He didn’t consider his behavior as sex. I’m thinking, gee had it been me I would have counted it!
The Golden Globes were last night. Everything went pretty good. Angelina Jolie only broke up two marriages.
Joan Rivers was there, along with her daughter Melissa Rivers. They were on the red carpet together. Melissa has some of the characteristics of her mom. Which is nice because Joan doesn’t have them anymore.
Kilborn
(Hosted by Craig Ferguson) A 66-year-old Romanian woman has just given birth to be the oldest woman ever to give birth. That took a lot of courage – from the guy that got her pregnant. Let’s not forget that guy!
There is going to be a "Fear Factor” theme park. All of the food in the park will make you violently ill. So really how different is that from any other theme park?
Leno
I hope you all had a nice holiday. Today of course is Martin Luther King Day, the day we honor the legacy of martin Luther king. We’ve come a long way. We used to divide the country into black and white. Now we divide it into red states and blue states.
President Bush today gave a big speech honoring the life of Martin Luther King. He said, "Martin Luther King hosts my favorite show on CNN.” Finally, somebody said to him, "Um, Mr. President, that’s Larry King.”
It was a big night for "Nip/Tuck” last night. Otherwise known as the Golden Globes. How many watched that thing?
Leonardo Dicaprio won for best actor in "The Aviator”. At the party afterwards he was drinking so much, people actually thought he was a real pilot!
Hillary Clinton also made an appearance. I think she won for "Kill Bill”!
This was the biggest gathering of Hollywood celebrities since the November anti-Bush rally.
They say the Golden Globes is generally looked on as a precursor to the Oscars. Just like the Vibe Awards are a precursor to the next "America’s Most Wanted”.
In an interview in "USA Today”, President Bush said he’s not going to spend more money on "programs that aren’t working.” So I guess the war in Iraq is over. That’s great news. How ‘bout that?
President Bush also told a reporter that he saw his reelection by the American people as their approval to continue the war in Iraq. You know kind of the same way, Bill Clinton felt his reelection meant to the American people they wanted him to keep cheating on Hillary.
Twenty-eight prisoners have escaped from Abu Ghraib Prison. You know, we oughta to keep these guys on a tighter leash. I don’t know what’s going on….apparently one of the bottom guys in the pyramid snuck out.
Actually Prince Harry said today that he isn’t a closet Nazi. Although he does have Nazi clothes in his closet.
Robert Blake and the jury have now been taken to Vitello’s twice. They went at 5 pm. The other day, then back to the courtroom. Then they had to return because Robert Blake left his gun in a booth again.
Great episode of "Medium” earlier tonight on NBC – in this one, Allison contracts the recently dead to find out what happened. The Indianapolis Colts.
Once again the New England Patriots, they beat the Colts to advance to the AFC Championship game. Also, congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles, they beat Minnesota 27-14. In fact, randy moss was so upset, he wouldn’t show his face or his ass after the game!
Baseball’s new anti-drug plan is being criticized now for not including amphetamines, which are thought to be at least as prevalent as steroids. Amphetamines! You thought baseball was slow before. That’s when they were on speed! How slow is it going to be when you take that away?
Baseball says it will be looking more closely for unusual signs that players are on steroids. Like for example, if Arizona starts winning.
According to court testimony we’re finding out what life was like in Michael Jackson’s bedroom. Apparently it was heavily protected by locks, sensors and security devices. Wow! Michael likes to sleep in a high security environment. Whew, he’s going to love prison. This will work out great.
Letterman
The Jets have just missed two more field goals!
Prince Harry has embarrassed the royal family yet again. He showed up at a party dressed as the Jets kicker.
The flu is going around. Everyone is getting it. In fact the guy that wrote this joke had to go home before he finished it.
This week is an important anniversary. Seven years ago President Clinton said, "I didn’t not have sexual relations with that woman.” He didn’t consider his behavior as sex. I’m thinking, gee had it been me I would have counted it!
The Golden Globes were last night. Everything went pretty good. Angelina Jolie only broke up two marriages.
Joan Rivers was there, along with her daughter Melissa Rivers. They were on the red carpet together. Melissa has some of the characteristics of her mom. Which is nice because Joan doesn’t have them anymore.
Kilborn
(Hosted by Craig Ferguson) A 66-year-old Romanian woman has just given birth to be the oldest woman ever to give birth. That took a lot of courage – from the guy that got her pregnant. Let’s not forget that guy!
There is going to be a "Fear Factor” theme park. All of the food in the park will make you violently ill. So really how different is that from any other theme park?
Monday, January 17, 2005
Carville: Democrats Should Resist Bush
SPARTANBURG, SC (Talon News) -- Democratic strategist James Carville is asking for a commitment from one million activists to "stand strong in the face of Republican" initiatives in 2005 to counter President George W. Bush's "bullying political tactics and his dangerous second-term agenda."
In an e-mail to Democratic supporters on Thursday, Carville said he is looking at this new year and decided to have "a fighting spirit" to counter the "Republicans' malarkey."
Carville said Republicans want people to think the recent presidential election was about a mandate from the American people.
"President Bush has already made plain what he means by 'cooperation,'" Carville quipped in the e-mail. "He tells us what to do and we're supposed to cooperate."
He added, "So now, it's time to tell the President what we think of his bullying political tactics and his dangerous second-term agenda."
To that end, Carville suggests to Democratic supporters that they need one million people to pledge their commitment to the Democratic Party before Bush's inauguration on January 20, 2005.
"Be one of the million who stepped forward. Act right now," Carville pleaded.
"Look, Bush and the Republicans can only get their way in 2005 if we Democrats forget our own power," Carville explained. "They only win if we choose to stop fighting. But if we stick together, we can transform American politics."
"They know that a second-term President has no more than 18 months to force his agenda through -- and they won't waste a minute," Carville exclaimed. "If we let them, they'll weaken economic security at home and weaken America's most important alliances abroad. They'll stack the courts, abuse the legislative process and change the rules whenever they see fit."
Carville concluded, "These people are playing for keeps, and we better do the same. This is no time to hold back. We've got to fight forward with every ounce of energy we have."
Utilizing the class warfare tactics that were his trademark as a consultant for former President Bill Clinton, Carville said to reach this goal he will need "more than a thousand committed grassroots Democrats for every plush limousine, chock full of smug special interest lobbyists, that will be gliding through Washington during the Bush inaugural."
"It's our country, not theirs, and we will never let them win," Carville quipped.
SPARTANBURG, SC (Talon News) -- Democratic strategist James Carville is asking for a commitment from one million activists to "stand strong in the face of Republican" initiatives in 2005 to counter President George W. Bush's "bullying political tactics and his dangerous second-term agenda."
In an e-mail to Democratic supporters on Thursday, Carville said he is looking at this new year and decided to have "a fighting spirit" to counter the "Republicans' malarkey."
Carville said Republicans want people to think the recent presidential election was about a mandate from the American people.
"President Bush has already made plain what he means by 'cooperation,'" Carville quipped in the e-mail. "He tells us what to do and we're supposed to cooperate."
He added, "So now, it's time to tell the President what we think of his bullying political tactics and his dangerous second-term agenda."
To that end, Carville suggests to Democratic supporters that they need one million people to pledge their commitment to the Democratic Party before Bush's inauguration on January 20, 2005.
"Be one of the million who stepped forward. Act right now," Carville pleaded.
"Look, Bush and the Republicans can only get their way in 2005 if we Democrats forget our own power," Carville explained. "They only win if we choose to stop fighting. But if we stick together, we can transform American politics."
"They know that a second-term President has no more than 18 months to force his agenda through -- and they won't waste a minute," Carville exclaimed. "If we let them, they'll weaken economic security at home and weaken America's most important alliances abroad. They'll stack the courts, abuse the legislative process and change the rules whenever they see fit."
Carville concluded, "These people are playing for keeps, and we better do the same. This is no time to hold back. We've got to fight forward with every ounce of energy we have."
Utilizing the class warfare tactics that were his trademark as a consultant for former President Bill Clinton, Carville said to reach this goal he will need "more than a thousand committed grassroots Democrats for every plush limousine, chock full of smug special interest lobbyists, that will be gliding through Washington during the Bush inaugural."
"It's our country, not theirs, and we will never let them win," Carville quipped.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Blogging for Dollars
Journalists think blogging makes everyone one of them, but not everyone wants to be a journalist. That's the lesson from a long-running discussion among prominent political bloggers that spilled into the pages of the Friday Wall Street Journal.
The Journal's lede: "Howard Dean's presidential campaign hired two Internet political 'bloggers' as consultants so that they would say positive things about the former governor's campaign in their online journals, according to a former high-profile Dean aide."
Chris Suellentrop: The "high-profile aide" is Zephyr Teachout, the former head of Internet outreach for Dean. Teachout earlier this week blogged on the subject of "Financially Interested Blogging." She wrote, in part, "In this past election, at least a few prominent bloggers were paid as consultants by candidates and groups they regularly blogged about."
Teachout named two prominent bloggers in particular: Jerome Armstrong of myDD.com and Markos Moulitsas Zuniga of Daily Kos. "On Dean's campaign, we paid Markos and Jerome Armstrong as consultants, largely in order to ensure that they said positive things about Dean."
"We paid them over twice as much as we paid two staffers of similar backgrounds, and they had several other clients," Teachout wrote. "While they ended up also providing useful advice, the initial reason for our outreach was explicitly to buy their airtime."
"To be very clear, they never committed to supporting Dean for the payment—but it was very clearly, internally, our goal." In the past, Teachout has also fingered Matthew Gross for writing about Erskine Bowles while Gross was on the candidate's payroll.
Armstrong and Moulitsas have complained vociferously on their blogs about Teachout's post and about the Journal's story. If the two men were journalists, those disclosures would be woefully insufficient. But Armstrong and Moulitsas aren't journalists. Nor does having a blog make someone a journalist.
Journalists think blogging makes everyone one of them, but not everyone wants to be a journalist. That's the lesson from a long-running discussion among prominent political bloggers that spilled into the pages of the Friday Wall Street Journal.
The Journal's lede: "Howard Dean's presidential campaign hired two Internet political 'bloggers' as consultants so that they would say positive things about the former governor's campaign in their online journals, according to a former high-profile Dean aide."
Chris Suellentrop: The "high-profile aide" is Zephyr Teachout, the former head of Internet outreach for Dean. Teachout earlier this week blogged on the subject of "Financially Interested Blogging." She wrote, in part, "In this past election, at least a few prominent bloggers were paid as consultants by candidates and groups they regularly blogged about."
Teachout named two prominent bloggers in particular: Jerome Armstrong of myDD.com and Markos Moulitsas Zuniga of Daily Kos. "On Dean's campaign, we paid Markos and Jerome Armstrong as consultants, largely in order to ensure that they said positive things about Dean."
"We paid them over twice as much as we paid two staffers of similar backgrounds, and they had several other clients," Teachout wrote. "While they ended up also providing useful advice, the initial reason for our outreach was explicitly to buy their airtime."
"To be very clear, they never committed to supporting Dean for the payment—but it was very clearly, internally, our goal." In the past, Teachout has also fingered Matthew Gross for writing about Erskine Bowles while Gross was on the candidate's payroll.
Armstrong and Moulitsas have complained vociferously on their blogs about Teachout's post and about the Journal's story. If the two men were journalists, those disclosures would be woefully insufficient. But Armstrong and Moulitsas aren't journalists. Nor does having a blog make someone a journalist.
Saturday, January 15, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
One week from tonight, President Bush will be sworn in once again as president of the United States. And interestingly, this will mark only the second time in four years his hand has touched a book.
It was also announced for the inaugural, Bush will attend nine parties in one night. Nine parties ... he’s trying to break his old record at Yale.
Ted Kennedy said today the Democratic Party is still the majority party. So you know what that means: Ted’s been drinking again.
After nearly two years, the White House announced the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is over. Of course it won’t really be over till the French say, "OK, we’re ready to go in." Then you know for sure.
You know what’s amazing – there were more weapons found at Vitello’s restaurant than there were in Iraq.
(Talking about Prince Harry.) Isn’t that unbelievable? It was one of these trendy parties where everyone was told to make a fashion statement and apparently Harry misunderstood, "Oh, fashion statement ... I thought you said make a fascist statement."
I tell you, man, his father was mad. His father said he was ashamed of the actions of his son ... and Prince Charles wasn’t too happy either.
The Commerce Department reported America’s trade deficit soared to an all-time high of $60 billion in November. It’s so bad that Mexicans are going to India to find good American jobs.
The U.S. Department of Education has a new slogan: Our students may be behind the rest of the world, but they’re on top of their teachers.
It happened again today – this is like an epidemic. A teacher’s aide at a central Florida high school has been arrested for having sex with a 15-year-old student. She’s not even a teacher – she’s a "teacher’s aide." What, was the teacher overloaded with kids to have sex having with the other kids, they have to bring an aide in?
At a school in Virginia, President Bush announced tough new reading standards for high school students. He wants ninth-graders to read at an eighth-grade level by the time they’re in the 12th grade.
The NFL today announced their fine against Minnesota Viking receiver Randy Moss for his little mooning incident. Remember they were going to fine him $5,000? They fined him $10,000. That’s $5,000 per cheek.
Major League Baseball has announced new, tougher steroid testing policies. The new steroid rules would impose a $100,000 fine for a five-time steroid offender. You know the old penalty for a five-time steroid offender? The Most Valuable Player trophy.
Don King is suing ESPN for $2.5 billion for defamation. $2.5 billion! That’s almost as much money as he stole from Mike Tyson!
Boxing promoter Don King is suing ESPN for $2.5 billion. He claimed they showed him in a bad light. Which I think would be daylight, wouldn’t it?
I’m very excited. I got an invitation to Donald Trump’s wedding. Unfortunately I will not be able to go but, ah, I’ll catch the next one.
Actually, I enjoy going to Trump weddings. I like to get there early so I don’t miss the reading of the prenuptial agreement.
How many watched NBC’s show "The Biggest Loser" the other night? One of the female finalists, Kelly Minner, did not win. But she lost 79 pounds. She looked great. In fact, she said: "I look great now, I feel great now. And I’ve stopped getting those annoying phone calls from Bill Clinton.”
A couple in Romania has named their baby "Yahoo" because they met on the Yahoo! Web site, in the personal ads. The baby joins their two other children, Google and Asian Porn.
The Los Angeles Health Department says the Internet is responsible for an increase in syphilis among gay men. You know, if your computer is giving you syphilis, maybe it’s time to clean your keyboard!
Letterman
I think our audience has been getting better and better since we started random urine testing.
It’s been warm out. It’s warm everywhere. It’s so warm in London that Prince Harry got out his summer Nazi uniform.
Prince Harry started a controversy when he wore a Nazi uniform to a party. Hip guy! (Sarcastic tone)
Sounds like to me someone is in need of a queer makeover!
This is a fascinating story. Officials at a zoo in Anchorage, Alaska, are trying to figure out why an elephant at the zoo is always depressed. Do you think it could have anything to do with being in Anchorage?
President Bush said today that Saddam Hussein never had weapons of mass destruction. But he did go on to say that there’s strong evidence that he had an illegal nanny.
Conan
The White House has announced that Ruben Studdard will sing at President Bush’s inauguration. A Republican spokesman said that Ruben is appearing because he’s one of the red states.
Courtney Love is selling her Manhattan apartment for $6 million. Actually, the apartment is free but it will cost $6 million to clean it.
Sharon Osbourne says that she is going to make a movie about her family. Right now she’s having trouble finding someone to play the role of her husband, Ozzy – and also she’s having trouble finding her husband, Ozzy.
Kilborn
(Show now hosted by Craig Ferguson) Back in England Prince Harry is in trouble for wearing a Nazi uniform to a party. This is bad. An association with the royals is bad for Nazis.
I just lost knighthood on that one. I’ll just stay in the states now.
The rain has stopped here in L.A. Now crews are filling in the potholes with Botox.
Major League Baseball has a new testing policy for every drug. Jason Giambi was confused and thought that meant to try every drug.
Experts say that there is one side effect to steroid use that they are just now learning about. There’s a chance you might become governor of California.
Leno
One week from tonight, President Bush will be sworn in once again as president of the United States. And interestingly, this will mark only the second time in four years his hand has touched a book.
It was also announced for the inaugural, Bush will attend nine parties in one night. Nine parties ... he’s trying to break his old record at Yale.
Ted Kennedy said today the Democratic Party is still the majority party. So you know what that means: Ted’s been drinking again.
After nearly two years, the White House announced the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is over. Of course it won’t really be over till the French say, "OK, we’re ready to go in." Then you know for sure.
You know what’s amazing – there were more weapons found at Vitello’s restaurant than there were in Iraq.
(Talking about Prince Harry.) Isn’t that unbelievable? It was one of these trendy parties where everyone was told to make a fashion statement and apparently Harry misunderstood, "Oh, fashion statement ... I thought you said make a fascist statement."
I tell you, man, his father was mad. His father said he was ashamed of the actions of his son ... and Prince Charles wasn’t too happy either.
The Commerce Department reported America’s trade deficit soared to an all-time high of $60 billion in November. It’s so bad that Mexicans are going to India to find good American jobs.
The U.S. Department of Education has a new slogan: Our students may be behind the rest of the world, but they’re on top of their teachers.
It happened again today – this is like an epidemic. A teacher’s aide at a central Florida high school has been arrested for having sex with a 15-year-old student. She’s not even a teacher – she’s a "teacher’s aide." What, was the teacher overloaded with kids to have sex having with the other kids, they have to bring an aide in?
At a school in Virginia, President Bush announced tough new reading standards for high school students. He wants ninth-graders to read at an eighth-grade level by the time they’re in the 12th grade.
The NFL today announced their fine against Minnesota Viking receiver Randy Moss for his little mooning incident. Remember they were going to fine him $5,000? They fined him $10,000. That’s $5,000 per cheek.
Major League Baseball has announced new, tougher steroid testing policies. The new steroid rules would impose a $100,000 fine for a five-time steroid offender. You know the old penalty for a five-time steroid offender? The Most Valuable Player trophy.
Don King is suing ESPN for $2.5 billion for defamation. $2.5 billion! That’s almost as much money as he stole from Mike Tyson!
Boxing promoter Don King is suing ESPN for $2.5 billion. He claimed they showed him in a bad light. Which I think would be daylight, wouldn’t it?
I’m very excited. I got an invitation to Donald Trump’s wedding. Unfortunately I will not be able to go but, ah, I’ll catch the next one.
Actually, I enjoy going to Trump weddings. I like to get there early so I don’t miss the reading of the prenuptial agreement.
How many watched NBC’s show "The Biggest Loser" the other night? One of the female finalists, Kelly Minner, did not win. But she lost 79 pounds. She looked great. In fact, she said: "I look great now, I feel great now. And I’ve stopped getting those annoying phone calls from Bill Clinton.”
A couple in Romania has named their baby "Yahoo" because they met on the Yahoo! Web site, in the personal ads. The baby joins their two other children, Google and Asian Porn.
The Los Angeles Health Department says the Internet is responsible for an increase in syphilis among gay men. You know, if your computer is giving you syphilis, maybe it’s time to clean your keyboard!
Letterman
I think our audience has been getting better and better since we started random urine testing.
It’s been warm out. It’s warm everywhere. It’s so warm in London that Prince Harry got out his summer Nazi uniform.
Prince Harry started a controversy when he wore a Nazi uniform to a party. Hip guy! (Sarcastic tone)
Sounds like to me someone is in need of a queer makeover!
This is a fascinating story. Officials at a zoo in Anchorage, Alaska, are trying to figure out why an elephant at the zoo is always depressed. Do you think it could have anything to do with being in Anchorage?
President Bush said today that Saddam Hussein never had weapons of mass destruction. But he did go on to say that there’s strong evidence that he had an illegal nanny.
Conan
The White House has announced that Ruben Studdard will sing at President Bush’s inauguration. A Republican spokesman said that Ruben is appearing because he’s one of the red states.
Courtney Love is selling her Manhattan apartment for $6 million. Actually, the apartment is free but it will cost $6 million to clean it.
Sharon Osbourne says that she is going to make a movie about her family. Right now she’s having trouble finding someone to play the role of her husband, Ozzy – and also she’s having trouble finding her husband, Ozzy.
Kilborn
(Show now hosted by Craig Ferguson) Back in England Prince Harry is in trouble for wearing a Nazi uniform to a party. This is bad. An association with the royals is bad for Nazis.
I just lost knighthood on that one. I’ll just stay in the states now.
The rain has stopped here in L.A. Now crews are filling in the potholes with Botox.
Major League Baseball has a new testing policy for every drug. Jason Giambi was confused and thought that meant to try every drug.
Experts say that there is one side effect to steroid use that they are just now learning about. There’s a chance you might become governor of California.
Friday, January 14, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
We’ve had record rain fall last week in L.A. To give you an idea of how much rain we’ve had, the Chia Pet I threw in the garbage is now is blocking my driveway.
It’s now official. We’ve stopped the search for weapons of mass destruction. Well, thank God we stopped that search before we did something crazy! What a mess that would have been had we actually gone in there.
A police detective testified yesterday that he feared he would have been Robert Blake’s next victim. So apparently he’s also suicidal.
The NFL commissioner is expected to fine Randy Moss $5,000 for his actions at last weekend’s game. He also had some stern words for Moss. He said, "We’re watching your ass!"
Kobe Bryant and the Lakers are playing the Nuggets in Denver tonight. Kobe’s wife is excited because any time Kobe goes to Colorado she gets jewelry.
A woman in Chicago has given birth to the lightest baby ever – 8 ounces! The father is passing out cigars that say "It’s a supermodel!"
Mel Gibson is putting out a book version of "The Passion." A book version? Isn’t that the Bible? I realized Mel was talented, but wow!
Letterman
The U.S. has stopped the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. We spent two years looking and the closest we got was two pounds of rancid mutton.
The Michael Jackson trial will be going on soon. Cameras aren’t allowed in the courtroom, so the E Channel is going to re-create the trial every day with actors. They’re looking for actors and actresses to play the roles. I will be playing the role of Tito.
They’re having a difficult time of casting. When you think about it, for Michael Jackson they need to find a bleached-faced man that’s had seven nose jobs. They asked Diana Ross but she was busy.
Courtney Love is selling her Manhattan apartment for $6 million. Actually it’s being sold for $1 million. The other $5 million is for everything in the medicine cabinet.
Conan
Did you see the last episode of "The Biggest Loser" last night? The winner was a guy from Spokane, Washington, that lost 122 pounds, 8 inches off his waist and all his dignity.
Britney Spears has written a letter to Christina Aguilera to end their feud. I’m not sure if the letter will work, though, because it starts out with "Dear Skank."
According to the New York Post, Donald Trump has invited both his ex-wives to his wedding. Both ex-wives have turned the invitation down because they’re both busy. However, they have both said they will attend the next one.
Star Jones is now speaking about her extravagant wedding. She says that the extravagant wedding was her way of bringing out the 8-year-old inside her. She also went on to say that she ate a 9- and 10-year-old.
Kilborn
(Now hosted by Craig Ferguson) Welcome to the Late Late Show! Coming to you from L.A., where it’s very wet. Lots of flooding going on here. They say 5,000 homes and 10,000 Starbucks have been lost.
All of America has been asking the same question about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breaking up: Is there a sex tape?
The prosecutors in the Michael Jackson case are looking for a way to get Jackson. They’re now focusing on the new law – three tykes and you’re out.
Leno
We’ve had record rain fall last week in L.A. To give you an idea of how much rain we’ve had, the Chia Pet I threw in the garbage is now is blocking my driveway.
It’s now official. We’ve stopped the search for weapons of mass destruction. Well, thank God we stopped that search before we did something crazy! What a mess that would have been had we actually gone in there.
A police detective testified yesterday that he feared he would have been Robert Blake’s next victim. So apparently he’s also suicidal.
The NFL commissioner is expected to fine Randy Moss $5,000 for his actions at last weekend’s game. He also had some stern words for Moss. He said, "We’re watching your ass!"
Kobe Bryant and the Lakers are playing the Nuggets in Denver tonight. Kobe’s wife is excited because any time Kobe goes to Colorado she gets jewelry.
A woman in Chicago has given birth to the lightest baby ever – 8 ounces! The father is passing out cigars that say "It’s a supermodel!"
Mel Gibson is putting out a book version of "The Passion." A book version? Isn’t that the Bible? I realized Mel was talented, but wow!
Letterman
The U.S. has stopped the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. We spent two years looking and the closest we got was two pounds of rancid mutton.
The Michael Jackson trial will be going on soon. Cameras aren’t allowed in the courtroom, so the E Channel is going to re-create the trial every day with actors. They’re looking for actors and actresses to play the roles. I will be playing the role of Tito.
They’re having a difficult time of casting. When you think about it, for Michael Jackson they need to find a bleached-faced man that’s had seven nose jobs. They asked Diana Ross but she was busy.
Courtney Love is selling her Manhattan apartment for $6 million. Actually it’s being sold for $1 million. The other $5 million is for everything in the medicine cabinet.
Conan
Did you see the last episode of "The Biggest Loser" last night? The winner was a guy from Spokane, Washington, that lost 122 pounds, 8 inches off his waist and all his dignity.
Britney Spears has written a letter to Christina Aguilera to end their feud. I’m not sure if the letter will work, though, because it starts out with "Dear Skank."
According to the New York Post, Donald Trump has invited both his ex-wives to his wedding. Both ex-wives have turned the invitation down because they’re both busy. However, they have both said they will attend the next one.
Star Jones is now speaking about her extravagant wedding. She says that the extravagant wedding was her way of bringing out the 8-year-old inside her. She also went on to say that she ate a 9- and 10-year-old.
Kilborn
(Now hosted by Craig Ferguson) Welcome to the Late Late Show! Coming to you from L.A., where it’s very wet. Lots of flooding going on here. They say 5,000 homes and 10,000 Starbucks have been lost.
All of America has been asking the same question about Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breaking up: Is there a sex tape?
The prosecutors in the Michael Jackson case are looking for a way to get Jackson. They’re now focusing on the new law – three tykes and you’re out.
