Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
I guess Resident Evil drew a lot of attention this past weekend. Not the movie, the Iranian president.
As you know, Mahmoud I’m-a-nut-job has arrived in the United States. You know he was issued a visa to come here. Isn’t that amazing? You need a visa to get into the United States? When did they start with that?
You know the interesting part? After he landed he actually drove his own cab in from the airport.
Hillary Clinton gave an interview to the gay magazine The Advocate and when asked about the rumor that she was a lesbian Hillary denied it. Hillary said that she is not a lesbian. A confused President Bush said today that he has no problem with anyone being a lesbian as long they are in this country legally.
David Letterman
Beautiful day in New York City. It is so nice today, migrating birds turned back.
So nice today, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was barred from Ben & Jerry’s.
What a great week: Lunatic Dictator Week in New York City.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here to visit the U.N. and also to recover some stolen sports memorabilia.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten O.J. Simpson Excuses
10. "It was a rare lapse in judgement"
9. "Thought, 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'"
7. "Honestly, I miss the prison lasagna"
5. "Thought kidnapping would really round out my resume"
3. "Too much soup"
2. "Oh, like you never conducted a sting operation to steal back stolen sports memorabilia"
1. "C'mon, it's not like I killed somebody"
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave a speech today. Lots of people upset about it. New Yorkers said, “If we want to hear a short-tempered Iranian man yell at us, we’ll take a cab.”
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke at a conference on global warming and he said, “The time has come to stop looking back at the Kyoto Protocol.” Afterwards, people said he didn’t solve anything, but it was fun hearing Arnold say, “K-y-o-t-o P-r-o-t-o-c-o-l.”
This Saturday, President Bush will be on hand in Washington, to celebrate the 7th Annual National Book Festival. President Bush is very excited about the festival because he has been named “Cliff’s Notes Man of the Year.”
It’s been reported that O.J. Simpson’s girlfriend is younger than his daughter. When O.J. first met the woman, he said, “I can’t date you. I’m old enough to murder your father.”
Craig Ferguson
The president of Iran is visiting. President I’m-a-dinner-jacket.
He said there are no gay people in Iran. Well I could have told you there are no gay people in Iran when he turned up in those shoes and that jacket.
He’s like Borat but not funny. There’s no gay people in Iran because he killed them!
I went to this nation’s capital over the weekend. Hooters!
Jay Leno
I guess Resident Evil drew a lot of attention this past weekend. Not the movie, the Iranian president.
As you know, Mahmoud I’m-a-nut-job has arrived in the United States. You know he was issued a visa to come here. Isn’t that amazing? You need a visa to get into the United States? When did they start with that?
You know the interesting part? After he landed he actually drove his own cab in from the airport.
Hillary Clinton gave an interview to the gay magazine The Advocate and when asked about the rumor that she was a lesbian Hillary denied it. Hillary said that she is not a lesbian. A confused President Bush said today that he has no problem with anyone being a lesbian as long they are in this country legally.
David Letterman
Beautiful day in New York City. It is so nice today, migrating birds turned back.
So nice today, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was barred from Ben & Jerry’s.
What a great week: Lunatic Dictator Week in New York City.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is here to visit the U.N. and also to recover some stolen sports memorabilia.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten O.J. Simpson Excuses
10. "It was a rare lapse in judgement"
9. "Thought, 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'"
7. "Honestly, I miss the prison lasagna"
5. "Thought kidnapping would really round out my resume"
3. "Too much soup"
2. "Oh, like you never conducted a sting operation to steal back stolen sports memorabilia"
1. "C'mon, it's not like I killed somebody"
Conan O'Brien
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gave a speech today. Lots of people upset about it. New Yorkers said, “If we want to hear a short-tempered Iranian man yell at us, we’ll take a cab.”
Earlier today, Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke at a conference on global warming and he said, “The time has come to stop looking back at the Kyoto Protocol.” Afterwards, people said he didn’t solve anything, but it was fun hearing Arnold say, “K-y-o-t-o P-r-o-t-o-c-o-l.”
This Saturday, President Bush will be on hand in Washington, to celebrate the 7th Annual National Book Festival. President Bush is very excited about the festival because he has been named “Cliff’s Notes Man of the Year.”
It’s been reported that O.J. Simpson’s girlfriend is younger than his daughter. When O.J. first met the woman, he said, “I can’t date you. I’m old enough to murder your father.”
Craig Ferguson
The president of Iran is visiting. President I’m-a-dinner-jacket.
He said there are no gay people in Iran. Well I could have told you there are no gay people in Iran when he turned up in those shoes and that jacket.
He’s like Borat but not funny. There’s no gay people in Iran because he killed them!
I went to this nation’s capital over the weekend. Hooters!
