Thursday, September 20, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Fox announced their new stars for the new season of “Skating with Celebrities.” The first celebrity to skate? Phil Spector.
This is amazing to me. The jurors in the Phil Spector murder trial have reached an impasse. They cannot come up with a verdict. Now the defense is asking for a mistrial. A mistrial? I think that’s the whole problem. I think the jury missed the whole trial!
Former President Bill Clinton was in town. He was giving a speech at the home of a wealthy campaign contributor in Brentwood when the power went out last night. L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was there too. Embarrassing moment when the lights came back on . . . they both had their hand on the same woman’s ass.
CNN’s Lou Dobbs will be off their air for two weeks after a tonsillectomy. I thought this was kind of mean — while he’s recovering; CNN is replacing him with an illegal immigrant.
Conan O'Brien
Earlier today O.J. Simpson was charged with 11 criminal counts including kidnapping, robbery, and assault. Afterwards, O.J. said, “Wow. Now I really have done it all!”
O.J. was released on bail on the condition that he surrender his passport and that he not leave the United States. O.J. said, “Let me get this straight — I can only kill people in this country?”
Yesterday in his speech, Jesse Jackson criticized Barack Obama saying that he is acting like he is white. Obama said that Jackson’s comments were hurtful and they completely ruined his night at the Jimmy Buffett concert.
A private school in New York raised its tuition so much that now it only has two students. As a result, this year’s graduation has only two categories: valedictorian and dumbass.
Craig Ferguson
Today O.J. Simpson was charged. Seven felonies. Seven felonies! He said if he knew how much trouble he was going to get into, he would have just murdered the guy.
The Phil Spector trial is also a mess. The jury is split 7-5. Seven like the blonde wig, five like his afro.
Not such a great day for that student who was Tasered at the John Kerry speech in Florida. If you’ve ever heard John Kerry speak, being Tasered is a bit less painful.
“I can still hear him! Taser me again, bro!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
A lot of O.J. to cover. In case you didn’t hear, O.J. is back on the loose. He was released on $125,000 bail.
He could get life in prison for all this. Kill two people, you get nothing. But steal your own football jersey — you go away for life.
Britney Spears has some legal troubles of her own. She’s been dropped by her manager and dropped by her lawyer. She’s been dropped now almost as much as her children.
All she has left now are her dogs and a swimming pool filled with YooHoo.
Jay Leno
Fox announced their new stars for the new season of “Skating with Celebrities.” The first celebrity to skate? Phil Spector.
This is amazing to me. The jurors in the Phil Spector murder trial have reached an impasse. They cannot come up with a verdict. Now the defense is asking for a mistrial. A mistrial? I think that’s the whole problem. I think the jury missed the whole trial!
Former President Bill Clinton was in town. He was giving a speech at the home of a wealthy campaign contributor in Brentwood when the power went out last night. L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was there too. Embarrassing moment when the lights came back on . . . they both had their hand on the same woman’s ass.
CNN’s Lou Dobbs will be off their air for two weeks after a tonsillectomy. I thought this was kind of mean — while he’s recovering; CNN is replacing him with an illegal immigrant.
Conan O'Brien
Earlier today O.J. Simpson was charged with 11 criminal counts including kidnapping, robbery, and assault. Afterwards, O.J. said, “Wow. Now I really have done it all!”
O.J. was released on bail on the condition that he surrender his passport and that he not leave the United States. O.J. said, “Let me get this straight — I can only kill people in this country?”
Yesterday in his speech, Jesse Jackson criticized Barack Obama saying that he is acting like he is white. Obama said that Jackson’s comments were hurtful and they completely ruined his night at the Jimmy Buffett concert.
A private school in New York raised its tuition so much that now it only has two students. As a result, this year’s graduation has only two categories: valedictorian and dumbass.
Craig Ferguson
Today O.J. Simpson was charged. Seven felonies. Seven felonies! He said if he knew how much trouble he was going to get into, he would have just murdered the guy.
The Phil Spector trial is also a mess. The jury is split 7-5. Seven like the blonde wig, five like his afro.
Not such a great day for that student who was Tasered at the John Kerry speech in Florida. If you’ve ever heard John Kerry speak, being Tasered is a bit less painful.
“I can still hear him! Taser me again, bro!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
A lot of O.J. to cover. In case you didn’t hear, O.J. is back on the loose. He was released on $125,000 bail.
He could get life in prison for all this. Kill two people, you get nothing. But steal your own football jersey — you go away for life.
Britney Spears has some legal troubles of her own. She’s been dropped by her manager and dropped by her lawyer. She’s been dropped now almost as much as her children.
All she has left now are her dogs and a swimming pool filled with YooHoo.
