Monday, February 7, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
You all excited about the Super Bowl? As you know, they have extra security at the Super Bowl. Just in case a terrorist tries to get in or a breast tries to get out.
This year it’s going to be broadcast in high definition. This way you’ll actually be able to see the tears forming in the Philadelphia fans eyes.
Kev, I will be fair and say the Eagles could win the Super Bowl. Just like Coors could win the Bud Bowl.
Everybody was commenting the other night that Stephen Breyer was the only Supreme Court justice there for the State of the Union. Turns out Justice Scalia was also there. But he was in Dick Cheney’s pocket.
President Bush announced he wants Americans to have their own private personal fund. Or as John Kerry calls that, "the wife”.
New Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice is on a tour of all our European allies. That's should take about 15 minutes.
It looks like we’ll be hearing a lot about the "No Child Left Behind” program over the next few months. But enough about Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe has agreed to testify against him. Today Michael called Robert Blake and said, "How do you get to Vitello's?"
Jackson said in the Geraldo interview that he designed Neverland so he could enjoy the childhood he never had. Drinking wine while going through your porn collection? Hey I never had that childhood either. What childhood is that?
Jackson said in the Geraldo interview that he designed Neverland so he could enjoy the childhood he never had. You know he's been saying this since he was 20.
Michael Jackson is 46. You've had a childhood for 26 years. Quit saying you never had a childhood. You've now had the longest childhood in the world. You've never had an adulthood. That's what you've never had.
Budweiser announced they are coming out with a beer that has caffeine in it. "I am so tired in the morning. I really don't get moving until I have my first cup of beer."
Beer with caffeine? Who is this for? People that don't want to risk falling asleep after having sex with an ugly person?
I'm not making this up in Switzerland, a company is marketing a beer directed at gay people. If you drink too much you're pulled over by a cop, a construction worker, an Indian, a cowboy....
It comes in bottle although most guys like it in the can.
Leno
You all excited about the Super Bowl? As you know, they have extra security at the Super Bowl. Just in case a terrorist tries to get in or a breast tries to get out.
This year it’s going to be broadcast in high definition. This way you’ll actually be able to see the tears forming in the Philadelphia fans eyes.
Kev, I will be fair and say the Eagles could win the Super Bowl. Just like Coors could win the Bud Bowl.
Everybody was commenting the other night that Stephen Breyer was the only Supreme Court justice there for the State of the Union. Turns out Justice Scalia was also there. But he was in Dick Cheney’s pocket.
President Bush announced he wants Americans to have their own private personal fund. Or as John Kerry calls that, "the wife”.
New Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice is on a tour of all our European allies. That's should take about 15 minutes.
It looks like we’ll be hearing a lot about the "No Child Left Behind” program over the next few months. But enough about Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson's ex-wife Debbie Rowe has agreed to testify against him. Today Michael called Robert Blake and said, "How do you get to Vitello's?"
Jackson said in the Geraldo interview that he designed Neverland so he could enjoy the childhood he never had. Drinking wine while going through your porn collection? Hey I never had that childhood either. What childhood is that?
Jackson said in the Geraldo interview that he designed Neverland so he could enjoy the childhood he never had. You know he's been saying this since he was 20.
Michael Jackson is 46. You've had a childhood for 26 years. Quit saying you never had a childhood. You've now had the longest childhood in the world. You've never had an adulthood. That's what you've never had.
Budweiser announced they are coming out with a beer that has caffeine in it. "I am so tired in the morning. I really don't get moving until I have my first cup of beer."
Beer with caffeine? Who is this for? People that don't want to risk falling asleep after having sex with an ugly person?
I'm not making this up in Switzerland, a company is marketing a beer directed at gay people. If you drink too much you're pulled over by a cop, a construction worker, an Indian, a cowboy....
It comes in bottle although most guys like it in the can.
