Thursday, February 24, 2005
Late-Night Jokes
Leno
Well folks, it’s official. We have just set a new all-time record for rain here in California. A new record and we did it without steroids.
Actually President Bush has had a great trip to Europe. He wanted to stay longer but with the falling dollar we can't afford it.
Speaking of sports - spring training has begun down in Arizona – the so-called Cactus League. You know why they call it the Cactus League? Because of all the needles.
Sports idiot Jose Canseco still all over the news promoting his book about steroids. He admits to putting steroids in his body for most of his career. You know, we know what he’s putting in his body. What the hell is he putting in his hair. Did he somehow gain access to Al Sharpton’s hair care products?
Michael Jackson’s fate is now in the hands of four men and eight women. As opposed to his usual crowd – eleven boys and one chimp.
Folks it is now official, 30 years after the TV show went off the air, there is going to be a "Wonder Woman” movie. Finally something to fill the gap for lesbians since "Xena” went off the air.
Conan
The Michael Jackson trial has started. When Michael first got to court after being released from the hospital hundreds of fans turned out to support him. But just last night only a dozen fans were there when he left the courthouse. Michael blamed the turnout on the rainy weather and being a school night.
Today President Bush had a meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The meeting had two translators, and they still had a rough time. Mainly trying to figure out the translation for "okie dokie”.
The Oscars are this weekend and Joan River and Star Jones will once again be competing for interviews up and down the red carpet. If a confrontation takes place it could get…ugly and fat.
Leno
Well folks, it’s official. We have just set a new all-time record for rain here in California. A new record and we did it without steroids.
Actually President Bush has had a great trip to Europe. He wanted to stay longer but with the falling dollar we can't afford it.
Speaking of sports - spring training has begun down in Arizona – the so-called Cactus League. You know why they call it the Cactus League? Because of all the needles.
Sports idiot Jose Canseco still all over the news promoting his book about steroids. He admits to putting steroids in his body for most of his career. You know, we know what he’s putting in his body. What the hell is he putting in his hair. Did he somehow gain access to Al Sharpton’s hair care products?
Michael Jackson’s fate is now in the hands of four men and eight women. As opposed to his usual crowd – eleven boys and one chimp.
Folks it is now official, 30 years after the TV show went off the air, there is going to be a "Wonder Woman” movie. Finally something to fill the gap for lesbians since "Xena” went off the air.
Conan
The Michael Jackson trial has started. When Michael first got to court after being released from the hospital hundreds of fans turned out to support him. But just last night only a dozen fans were there when he left the courthouse. Michael blamed the turnout on the rainy weather and being a school night.
Today President Bush had a meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The meeting had two translators, and they still had a rough time. Mainly trying to figure out the translation for "okie dokie”.
The Oscars are this weekend and Joan River and Star Jones will once again be competing for interviews up and down the red carpet. If a confrontation takes place it could get…ugly and fat.
