Friday, February 29, 2008
Obama Says Clinton Ad Scares Voters
Democrat Barack Obama accused his rival Hillary Rodham Clinton on Friday of trying to "scare up votes" with a television ad showing sleeping children and asking who would be more qualified to answer a national security emergency call at 3 a.m.
"We've seen these ads before," the Illinois senator said while campaigning in Texas. "They're the kind that play on peoples' fears to scare up votes. Well, it won't work this time. Because the question is not about picking up the phone. The question is: What kind of judgment will you make when you answer?"
To the sound of a ringing phone, the Clinton ad shows children sleeping at night and a mother checking on a child as an announcer says a phone is ringing in the White House and something has happened in the world. It ends with an image of Clinton on the telephone as the announcer asks, "It's 3 a.m. and your children are safely asleep. Who do you want answering the phone?"
In a speech to veterans and their families Friday, Obama responded:
"We've had a red phone moment. It was the decision to invade Iraq. And Senator Clinton gave the wrong answer. George Bush gave the wrong answer. John McCain gave the wrong answer."
Obama said he stood up in 2002 "and said that a war in Iraq would cost us thousands of lives and billions of dollars. I said that it would distract us from the real threat we face and that we should take the fight to al-Qaida in Afghanistan. That's the judgment I made on the most important foreign policy decision of our generation, and that's the kind of judgment I'll show when I answer that phone in the White House as President of the United States."
"That's the judgment we need at 3 a.m. And that's the judgment that I am running for President to provide," he added.
The Clinton ad began airing in Texas on Friday morning. The Obama campaign also responded by re-airing an ad in which retired Gen. Merrill McPeak, the Air Force chief of staff from 1990 to 1994, endorses Obama.
Addressing 60 veterans and their families at a town hall meeting at American Legion Post 490 in Houston, Obama said, "Veterans are bearing the brunt of bad decision-making by our leaders."
The president's job is "to keep people safe. ... It means deploying our military wisely," he continued. "War should not be the first resort. ... lt should not be based on politics."
Texas is home to 16 active-duty military bases, including Fort Hood, the nation's largest Army post,
Democrat Barack Obama accused his rival Hillary Rodham Clinton on Friday of trying to "scare up votes" with a television ad showing sleeping children and asking who would be more qualified to answer a national security emergency call at 3 a.m.
"We've seen these ads before," the Illinois senator said while campaigning in Texas. "They're the kind that play on peoples' fears to scare up votes. Well, it won't work this time. Because the question is not about picking up the phone. The question is: What kind of judgment will you make when you answer?"
To the sound of a ringing phone, the Clinton ad shows children sleeping at night and a mother checking on a child as an announcer says a phone is ringing in the White House and something has happened in the world. It ends with an image of Clinton on the telephone as the announcer asks, "It's 3 a.m. and your children are safely asleep. Who do you want answering the phone?"
In a speech to veterans and their families Friday, Obama responded:
"We've had a red phone moment. It was the decision to invade Iraq. And Senator Clinton gave the wrong answer. George Bush gave the wrong answer. John McCain gave the wrong answer."
Obama said he stood up in 2002 "and said that a war in Iraq would cost us thousands of lives and billions of dollars. I said that it would distract us from the real threat we face and that we should take the fight to al-Qaida in Afghanistan. That's the judgment I made on the most important foreign policy decision of our generation, and that's the kind of judgment I'll show when I answer that phone in the White House as President of the United States."
"That's the judgment we need at 3 a.m. And that's the judgment that I am running for President to provide," he added.
The Clinton ad began airing in Texas on Friday morning. The Obama campaign also responded by re-airing an ad in which retired Gen. Merrill McPeak, the Air Force chief of staff from 1990 to 1994, endorses Obama.
Addressing 60 veterans and their families at a town hall meeting at American Legion Post 490 in Houston, Obama said, "Veterans are bearing the brunt of bad decision-making by our leaders."
The president's job is "to keep people safe. ... It means deploying our military wisely," he continued. "War should not be the first resort. ... lt should not be based on politics."
Texas is home to 16 active-duty military bases, including Fort Hood, the nation's largest Army post,
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton criticized the media the other night, during the debates, for always asking her the first question. I don’t know. Is that her biggest concern? The way the polls are going right now, she’s very close to being asked her last question.
Here’s a crazy story. According to The New York Times, even though both of John McCain’s parents were American citizens and were serving in the armed forces at the time, there could be a constitutional argument he can’t be president because he wasn’t born in this country, he was born in Panama. Now they are questioning if Ralph Nader is eligible because it turns out that he doesn’t appear to be born on planet earth.
Sen. Larry Craig . . . you know, America’s favorite restroom enthusiast, is now seeking intern applications for the summer term. In fact, the first question he asks when you go in for the interview is, “You’re not a cop, are you?”
He’s looking for them on eHarmony.com. He wants all 29 dimensions of compatibility.
David Letterman
Cold here today. So cold, that thing on Amy Winehouse’s head? It mated it with that thing on Donald Trump’s head.
So cold, that at the Metropolitan Museum, the mummy closed the lid.
Hillary Clinton is down there in Texas, campaigning hard. She pulling out all the stops. Today, she was campaigning in a rawhide pantsuit.
Pundits say she has different personalities: One day she has one personality, the next day another. Today, she is Brunehilde, the dominatrix.
Conan O'Brien
Today, there were strange developments for John McCain. The New York Times reported that John McCain may be constitutionally barred from becoming president because he was born outside the United States in the Panama Canal Zone. When he heard this, McCain said, “That’s ridiculous. When I was born, there was no Panama Canal.”
Ralph Nader is running for president again. He announced that his running mate is going to be a former city supervisor of San Francisco, Matt Gonzales. This bold moves ensures that Nader gets the vote of . . . Matt Gonzales.
During a press conference today, President Bush said the following: “It’s important we make the economy strong so families can put money on their tables.” Then Bush said Americans should deposit food in their bank accounts.
Valerie Bertinelli in the news. She says the rumors aren’t true that she and Kirstie Alley have stopped speaking to each other. However, Bertinelli did admit that the rumors are true that no one cares.
Craig Ferguson
Not such a great day for John McCain. It turns out he might not be able to run for president because he was born outside of America. I think this is unfair! When John McCain was born, America hadn’t been discovered yet.
Great day for Katie Holmes! Rumor has she is expecting again. She told a friend she expects to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet. She may be just talking about Tom Cruise.
Terrible news for Michael Jackson. News is he is filing bankruptcy, and he is being forced to sell Neverland Ranch. It’s too bad Michael has to sell the Neverland: It’s a huge estate that covers 2,800 acres; it has an amusement park; it can sleep up to 50 children uncomfortably . . .
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Today is Leap Day. They have Leap Day so we have one day longer to squeeze in another episode of “American Idol.”
Two men and two women were eliminated today. It’s up to you America to figure out which were the men and which were the women.
Another show everybody loves is “America’s Next Top Model.” They’re in their 10th season in 4 ½ years. It’s amazing.
Police in Los Angeles are looking into charges that someone may have drugged Britney Spears. They have a photo of the suspect. [Photo of Britney Spears.]
Jay Leno
Hillary Clinton criticized the media the other night, during the debates, for always asking her the first question. I don’t know. Is that her biggest concern? The way the polls are going right now, she’s very close to being asked her last question.
Here’s a crazy story. According to The New York Times, even though both of John McCain’s parents were American citizens and were serving in the armed forces at the time, there could be a constitutional argument he can’t be president because he wasn’t born in this country, he was born in Panama. Now they are questioning if Ralph Nader is eligible because it turns out that he doesn’t appear to be born on planet earth.
Sen. Larry Craig . . . you know, America’s favorite restroom enthusiast, is now seeking intern applications for the summer term. In fact, the first question he asks when you go in for the interview is, “You’re not a cop, are you?”
He’s looking for them on eHarmony.com. He wants all 29 dimensions of compatibility.
David Letterman
Cold here today. So cold, that thing on Amy Winehouse’s head? It mated it with that thing on Donald Trump’s head.
So cold, that at the Metropolitan Museum, the mummy closed the lid.
Hillary Clinton is down there in Texas, campaigning hard. She pulling out all the stops. Today, she was campaigning in a rawhide pantsuit.
Pundits say she has different personalities: One day she has one personality, the next day another. Today, she is Brunehilde, the dominatrix.
Conan O'Brien
Today, there were strange developments for John McCain. The New York Times reported that John McCain may be constitutionally barred from becoming president because he was born outside the United States in the Panama Canal Zone. When he heard this, McCain said, “That’s ridiculous. When I was born, there was no Panama Canal.”
Ralph Nader is running for president again. He announced that his running mate is going to be a former city supervisor of San Francisco, Matt Gonzales. This bold moves ensures that Nader gets the vote of . . . Matt Gonzales.
During a press conference today, President Bush said the following: “It’s important we make the economy strong so families can put money on their tables.” Then Bush said Americans should deposit food in their bank accounts.
Valerie Bertinelli in the news. She says the rumors aren’t true that she and Kirstie Alley have stopped speaking to each other. However, Bertinelli did admit that the rumors are true that no one cares.
Craig Ferguson
Not such a great day for John McCain. It turns out he might not be able to run for president because he was born outside of America. I think this is unfair! When John McCain was born, America hadn’t been discovered yet.
Great day for Katie Holmes! Rumor has she is expecting again. She told a friend she expects to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet. She may be just talking about Tom Cruise.
Terrible news for Michael Jackson. News is he is filing bankruptcy, and he is being forced to sell Neverland Ranch. It’s too bad Michael has to sell the Neverland: It’s a huge estate that covers 2,800 acres; it has an amusement park; it can sleep up to 50 children uncomfortably . . .
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Today is Leap Day. They have Leap Day so we have one day longer to squeeze in another episode of “American Idol.”
Two men and two women were eliminated today. It’s up to you America to figure out which were the men and which were the women.
Another show everybody loves is “America’s Next Top Model.” They’re in their 10th season in 4 ½ years. It’s amazing.
Police in Los Angeles are looking into charges that someone may have drugged Britney Spears. They have a photo of the suspect. [Photo of Britney Spears.]
Thursday, February 28, 2008
McCain Tags Dems on Trade Treaty
ROUND ROCK, Texas -- Republican John McCain said the desire by Democratic presidential rivals Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama to renegotiate the North American Free Trade Agreement would jeopardize crucial military support from Canada.
McCain used a town-hall style meeting Friday at Dell Inc. headquarters to emphasize his support for NAFTA. The effects of the 1994 trade pact are still hotly debated, but studies indicate the deal has resulted in record exports from Texas to Canada and Mexico.
Trade and national security are "interconnected with each other," the Arizona senator said.
"One of our greatest assets in Afghanistan are our Canadian friends. We need our Canadian friends, and we need their continued support in Afghanistan," McCain said. "So what do we do? The two Democratic candidates for president say they're going to unilaterally abrogate NAFTA.
"How do you think the Canadian people are going to react to that?" McCain said.
In fact, Clinton and Obama did not say they would abrogate the agreement; the word "abrogate" means to abolish or repeal.
Rather, both Democrats said at a debate Tuesday in Cleveland they would insist on renegotiating NAFTA and would threaten to opt out of the agreement unless Canada and Mexico come to the negotiating table.
"I will say we will opt out of NAFTA unless we renegotiate it, and we renegotiate on terms that are favorable to all of America," Clinton said.
Obama agreed: "I will make sure that we renegotiate ... I think we should use the hammer of a potential opt-out as leverage to ensure that we actually get labor and environmental standards that are enforced."
McCain, speaking to reporters later Friday, allowed, "maybe they're not saying 'abrogate.'"
"They're saying 'radically restructure,'" he said. "I think Canada would
ROUND ROCK, Texas -- Republican John McCain said the desire by Democratic presidential rivals Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama to renegotiate the North American Free Trade Agreement would jeopardize crucial military support from Canada.
McCain used a town-hall style meeting Friday at Dell Inc. headquarters to emphasize his support for NAFTA. The effects of the 1994 trade pact are still hotly debated, but studies indicate the deal has resulted in record exports from Texas to Canada and Mexico.
Trade and national security are "interconnected with each other," the Arizona senator said.
"One of our greatest assets in Afghanistan are our Canadian friends. We need our Canadian friends, and we need their continued support in Afghanistan," McCain said. "So what do we do? The two Democratic candidates for president say they're going to unilaterally abrogate NAFTA.
"How do you think the Canadian people are going to react to that?" McCain said.
In fact, Clinton and Obama did not say they would abrogate the agreement; the word "abrogate" means to abolish or repeal.
Rather, both Democrats said at a debate Tuesday in Cleveland they would insist on renegotiating NAFTA and would threaten to opt out of the agreement unless Canada and Mexico come to the negotiating table.
"I will say we will opt out of NAFTA unless we renegotiate it, and we renegotiate on terms that are favorable to all of America," Clinton said.
Obama agreed: "I will make sure that we renegotiate ... I think we should use the hammer of a potential opt-out as leverage to ensure that we actually get labor and environmental standards that are enforced."
McCain, speaking to reporters later Friday, allowed, "maybe they're not saying 'abrogate.'"
"They're saying 'radically restructure,'" he said. "I think Canada would
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Another Democratic debate last night. This time in Ohio. The big winner? “American Idol.”
This has been their 20th debate! C’mon! I mean, Hillary hasn’t been alone with Bill that many times.
They’re saying this is the biggest thing to happen in Cleveland since . . . ever, I guess.
Hillary and Obama debated who the Republicans are most afraid of. I don’t want to take sides, but I think it’s pretty obvious who Republicans are most afraid of — John McCain.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. She’s getting pretty desperate. Today, she accused Barack of attending a party at Jose Canseco’s house.
People are saying she has a new personality every day of the campaign. For instance, today, she is Madam Lasonga, the mind reader at the carnival.
Bill Clinton has been getting in the way of Hillary’s campaign. And she’s really upset about it. So upset, she’s encouraged him to start dating again.
Ralph Nader is running for president. Today is his birthday: Happy birthday to Ralph Nader. He is 74. No, wait — that’s how many votes he’ll get.
Conan O'Brien
Good news for everybody. Last night was the final Democratic debate. I think there was 110 of those.
Trouble for Barack Obama last night. He’s usually so smooth. He mispronounced the word Massachusetts twice, and then he mispronounced the word filibuster. Which explains why this morning Barack Obama was endorsed by President Bush.
A photo has been circulating of Obama in a turban. This should actually help Obama with a key group of voters in New York: taxi drivers.
In sports: The Florida Marlins have announced they will form an all-male, plus-size cheerleading squad. They will be called the Marlin Brandos.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Britain. They had a 5.2 earthquake in Britain. Prince Charles said he knew it was coming . . . the horses were acting up. Especially Camilla.
There are some birthdays today: Ralph Nader and Elizabeth Taylor. Two very different people, of course. One is a crazy old bitch who is out of touch with reality, the other one is Liz Taylor.
I was at the dentist today. I had a tooth removed. It was the last of my British teeth: I’m an American citizen now. Next week I’ll remove all my Speedos.
I can’t be responsible for what I’m saying; I’m heavily medicated.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It’s freezing all over the country. The Midwest is frozen solid.
What we do to keep warm here is we gather around Paris Hilton.
Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho is in the news again. Not only hasn’t he stepped down from his Senate seat, he’s actually looking for summer interns. He’s looking for juniors and seniors in college who have an interest in politics and know how to keep their mouths shut.
The deadline is mid-March. If you’re interested, slip your resume under the third stall from the left in the Meridian’s men’s room off I-84.
Jay Leno
Another Democratic debate last night. This time in Ohio. The big winner? “American Idol.”
This has been their 20th debate! C’mon! I mean, Hillary hasn’t been alone with Bill that many times.
They’re saying this is the biggest thing to happen in Cleveland since . . . ever, I guess.
Hillary and Obama debated who the Republicans are most afraid of. I don’t want to take sides, but I think it’s pretty obvious who Republicans are most afraid of — John McCain.
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. She’s getting pretty desperate. Today, she accused Barack of attending a party at Jose Canseco’s house.
People are saying she has a new personality every day of the campaign. For instance, today, she is Madam Lasonga, the mind reader at the carnival.
Bill Clinton has been getting in the way of Hillary’s campaign. And she’s really upset about it. So upset, she’s encouraged him to start dating again.
Ralph Nader is running for president. Today is his birthday: Happy birthday to Ralph Nader. He is 74. No, wait — that’s how many votes he’ll get.
Conan O'Brien
Good news for everybody. Last night was the final Democratic debate. I think there was 110 of those.
Trouble for Barack Obama last night. He’s usually so smooth. He mispronounced the word Massachusetts twice, and then he mispronounced the word filibuster. Which explains why this morning Barack Obama was endorsed by President Bush.
A photo has been circulating of Obama in a turban. This should actually help Obama with a key group of voters in New York: taxi drivers.
In sports: The Florida Marlins have announced they will form an all-male, plus-size cheerleading squad. They will be called the Marlin Brandos.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Britain. They had a 5.2 earthquake in Britain. Prince Charles said he knew it was coming . . . the horses were acting up. Especially Camilla.
There are some birthdays today: Ralph Nader and Elizabeth Taylor. Two very different people, of course. One is a crazy old bitch who is out of touch with reality, the other one is Liz Taylor.
I was at the dentist today. I had a tooth removed. It was the last of my British teeth: I’m an American citizen now. Next week I’ll remove all my Speedos.
I can’t be responsible for what I’m saying; I’m heavily medicated.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It’s freezing all over the country. The Midwest is frozen solid.
What we do to keep warm here is we gather around Paris Hilton.
Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho is in the news again. Not only hasn’t he stepped down from his Senate seat, he’s actually looking for summer interns. He’s looking for juniors and seniors in college who have an interest in politics and know how to keep their mouths shut.
The deadline is mid-March. If you’re interested, slip your resume under the third stall from the left in the Meridian’s men’s room off I-84.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Clinton May Challenge Texas Vote Rules
LAREDO, Texas -- Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign has raised the possibility of a challenge to Texas' primary and caucus rules just days before the contest, drawing a warning against legal action from the state's Democratic Party.
Aides to Clinton said earlier this week they were alarmed at the lack of clarity about many of the caucus rules and expressed their concerns on a conference call with staff for rival Barack Obama and state party officials. Texas has a two-step voting process, with a primary and then caucuses shortly after the polls close.
Specifically, Clinton aides questioned a provision allowing caucus attendees to vote to move the location if they choose to do so, and whether people who had cast so-called "provisional ballots" in the primary would have their votes counted in the caucus.
Clinton political director Guy Cecil said he asked party officials to spell out the rules in memo form and to send them to both campaigns.
"We want to see the results in writing, and we reserve the right to challenge something if we don't believe it reflects something that was discussed on the call," he said.
Cecil on Friday denied that the campaign planned to sue the party, which will manage roughly 8,700 caucuses Tuesday evening.
"There were no veiled threats of lawsuits of any kind," Cecil said of the conference call.
Texas party officials said they believed Cecil was threatening legal action and wrote a letter to him and to Obama senior strategist Steve Hildebrand reflecting that concern.
"If it is true that litigation is imminent between one or both of your campaigns and the Texas Democratic Party, such action could prove to be a tragedy for a reinvigorated democratic process that is involving a record number of participants here in Texas and across the nation," party attorney Chad Dunn wrote. "Litigation regarding the TDP could cripple the momentum of a resurging Texas Democratic Party and ultimately the November 2008 election."
The letter also noted that many of Clinton's senior campaign advisers in Texas had helped to develop the rules governing the state's caucus system. A Texas party official also noted that former President Clinton won the state's caucuses in 1992 and 1996 following the same rules.
Obama has had a clear edge in caucuses, winning 13 to her two.
Texas has 193 delegates up for grabs Tuesday. Of those delegates, 126 will come from the primary, and 67 from the caucus.
LAREDO, Texas -- Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign has raised the possibility of a challenge to Texas' primary and caucus rules just days before the contest, drawing a warning against legal action from the state's Democratic Party.
Aides to Clinton said earlier this week they were alarmed at the lack of clarity about many of the caucus rules and expressed their concerns on a conference call with staff for rival Barack Obama and state party officials. Texas has a two-step voting process, with a primary and then caucuses shortly after the polls close.
Specifically, Clinton aides questioned a provision allowing caucus attendees to vote to move the location if they choose to do so, and whether people who had cast so-called "provisional ballots" in the primary would have their votes counted in the caucus.
Clinton political director Guy Cecil said he asked party officials to spell out the rules in memo form and to send them to both campaigns.
"We want to see the results in writing, and we reserve the right to challenge something if we don't believe it reflects something that was discussed on the call," he said.
Cecil on Friday denied that the campaign planned to sue the party, which will manage roughly 8,700 caucuses Tuesday evening.
"There were no veiled threats of lawsuits of any kind," Cecil said of the conference call.
Texas party officials said they believed Cecil was threatening legal action and wrote a letter to him and to Obama senior strategist Steve Hildebrand reflecting that concern.
"If it is true that litigation is imminent between one or both of your campaigns and the Texas Democratic Party, such action could prove to be a tragedy for a reinvigorated democratic process that is involving a record number of participants here in Texas and across the nation," party attorney Chad Dunn wrote. "Litigation regarding the TDP could cripple the momentum of a resurging Texas Democratic Party and ultimately the November 2008 election."
The letter also noted that many of Clinton's senior campaign advisers in Texas had helped to develop the rules governing the state's caucus system. A Texas party official also noted that former President Clinton won the state's caucuses in 1992 and 1996 following the same rules.
Obama has had a clear edge in caucuses, winning 13 to her two.
Texas has 193 delegates up for grabs Tuesday. Of those delegates, 126 will come from the primary, and 67 from the caucus.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
The ratings are in: This year’s Oscars had the lowest ratings ever. In fact, they were so low, the winners were able to thank the people who watched by name.
They were so low, NBC may pick it up as a series.
Former candidate Chris Dodd has given his support for Barack Obama. You know what that means: Dozens more people will now vote for Obama.
Political experts are now saying it is impossible for Hillary Clinton to win, and everyone is urging her to call it quits and go home to Bill, except of course, Bill: “Stay out there, Honey. Keep fighting!”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Ralph Nader Campaign Promises
10. Fund universal health care by making Wesley Snipes pay his taxes
9. Give the presidency a rumpled, Walter Matthau quality
8. The freezing over of Hell should solve our global warming crisis
7. Get those people off that island in "Lost"
6. Send Gary Busey in to annoy and confuse our enemies
5. Can fill out a pantsuit better than Hillary
4. Will hover in polls between 1% and "Statistically Insignificant
3. Force Starbucks to identify their sizes "Small," "Medium," and "Large"
3. Force Starbucks to identify their sizes "Small
2. Will not sleep with lobbyists, or for that matter anyone else
1. Get Bush re-elected like in 2000
David Letterman
What a story. Diablo Cody was a former stripper. She won an Academy Award for best screenplay. And today, on my lunch hour, I go into Flashdancers right across the street, and all of the girls were writing screenplays on their laptops.
These may be the lowest ratings for the Academy Awards ever. They won’t know until the show ends.
Here’s some champagne excitement: Ralph Nader is running for president.
Ralph Nader looks like a guy who comes into town once a year for supplies.
Conan O'Brien
Tonight in Cleveland, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are debating one another for the 20th time. Experts are calling it “redundant," "unnecessary," and "the most exciting thing that ever happened in Cleveland."
Yesterday, someone released a photo of Barack Obama wearing a traditional African dress. As a result, Barack has been offered a starring role in "Big Momma's House III."
Ralph Nader announced that he's once again going to run for president. Nader says he's running because he's tired of Mike Huckabee stealing all the “no chance in hell” vote.
Starbucks has announced that they're introducing a coffee that costs only one dollar. Apparently the catch is you have to purchase it at Dunkin' Donuts.
Craig Ferguson
Barack Obama said if they make a movie about his life, he would like Will Smith to play him. And Hillary said she would want an older woman who looks good in a pantsuit. So obviously she’s picked John Travolta.
According to a new poll, Hillary’s lead in Ohio is slipping, and I was really surprised by that. When I heard a presidential candidate slipped, I thought — that is John McCain, obviously.
For three whole hours today, the whole world stood still. Starbucks in America closed for three hours today — every one in America! Starbucks says the training will “transform the customer experience.” You know what they should do if they want to transform the customer experience? How about not charging five bucks for a cup of coffee?
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It was a tough day for America. From 5:30 to 8:30 tonight, every Starbucks was closed. It was terrible. For three full hours, people everywhere were forced to pay a reasonable amount for coffee.
Fortunately, President Bush gave FEMA the go-ahead to tap into the nation’s mochaccino reserve.
They closed the store to retrain the staff on the use of expresso machines. What happened?
Starbucks released a statement that said, “We are understand that many of our loyal customers will be inconvenienced by the closings, but since they are all addicted to our products, we don’t care.”
Jay Leno
The ratings are in: This year’s Oscars had the lowest ratings ever. In fact, they were so low, the winners were able to thank the people who watched by name.
They were so low, NBC may pick it up as a series.
Former candidate Chris Dodd has given his support for Barack Obama. You know what that means: Dozens more people will now vote for Obama.
Political experts are now saying it is impossible for Hillary Clinton to win, and everyone is urging her to call it quits and go home to Bill, except of course, Bill: “Stay out there, Honey. Keep fighting!”
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Ralph Nader Campaign Promises
10. Fund universal health care by making Wesley Snipes pay his taxes
9. Give the presidency a rumpled, Walter Matthau quality
8. The freezing over of Hell should solve our global warming crisis
7. Get those people off that island in "Lost"
6. Send Gary Busey in to annoy and confuse our enemies
5. Can fill out a pantsuit better than Hillary
4. Will hover in polls between 1% and "Statistically Insignificant
3. Force Starbucks to identify their sizes "Small," "Medium," and "Large"
3. Force Starbucks to identify their sizes "Small
2. Will not sleep with lobbyists, or for that matter anyone else
1. Get Bush re-elected like in 2000
David Letterman
What a story. Diablo Cody was a former stripper. She won an Academy Award for best screenplay. And today, on my lunch hour, I go into Flashdancers right across the street, and all of the girls were writing screenplays on their laptops.
These may be the lowest ratings for the Academy Awards ever. They won’t know until the show ends.
Here’s some champagne excitement: Ralph Nader is running for president.
Ralph Nader looks like a guy who comes into town once a year for supplies.
Conan O'Brien
Tonight in Cleveland, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton are debating one another for the 20th time. Experts are calling it “redundant," "unnecessary," and "the most exciting thing that ever happened in Cleveland."
Yesterday, someone released a photo of Barack Obama wearing a traditional African dress. As a result, Barack has been offered a starring role in "Big Momma's House III."
Ralph Nader announced that he's once again going to run for president. Nader says he's running because he's tired of Mike Huckabee stealing all the “no chance in hell” vote.
Starbucks has announced that they're introducing a coffee that costs only one dollar. Apparently the catch is you have to purchase it at Dunkin' Donuts.
Craig Ferguson
Barack Obama said if they make a movie about his life, he would like Will Smith to play him. And Hillary said she would want an older woman who looks good in a pantsuit. So obviously she’s picked John Travolta.
According to a new poll, Hillary’s lead in Ohio is slipping, and I was really surprised by that. When I heard a presidential candidate slipped, I thought — that is John McCain, obviously.
For three whole hours today, the whole world stood still. Starbucks in America closed for three hours today — every one in America! Starbucks says the training will “transform the customer experience.” You know what they should do if they want to transform the customer experience? How about not charging five bucks for a cup of coffee?
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It was a tough day for America. From 5:30 to 8:30 tonight, every Starbucks was closed. It was terrible. For three full hours, people everywhere were forced to pay a reasonable amount for coffee.
Fortunately, President Bush gave FEMA the go-ahead to tap into the nation’s mochaccino reserve.
They closed the store to retrain the staff on the use of expresso machines. What happened?
Starbucks released a statement that said, “We are understand that many of our loyal customers will be inconvenienced by the closings, but since they are all addicted to our products, we don’t care.”
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
McCain a Liberal?
RICHARDSON, Texas -- Maybe all the criticism from Rush Limbaugh is sinking in.
Republican presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain almost called himself a liberal on Thursday, getting ahead of himself as he contrasted himself with the Democratic candidates.
"I'm a proud, conservative, liberal Republi- Hello! Easy there," McCain said, laughing along with his audience at Texas Instruments Inc.
He corrected himself immediately. "Let me say this: I am a proud, conservative Republican, and both of my possible or likely opponents today are liberal Democrats."
A "liberal" label is sometimes applied to McCain by conservative foes such as Limbaugh who dislike some of his moderate stances and his willingness to work with Democrats. Still, the Arizona senator has made inroads with many critics since becoming the GOP nominee-in-waiting.
McCain was answering a question about whether he would aggressively campaign against Democratic Sens. Barack Obama or Hillary Rodham Clinton.
"Yessir, I will, but I also want to say, I think Americans are a little bit tired of all these negative ads," McCain said. "I want to assure you that I have in this primary, and in my past election campaigns, and in this one, I will conduct a respectful debate."
Then he made one more slip: "Now, it'll be dispirited _ it'll be spirited, because there are stark differences," McCain said.
He concluded: "So there will be strong differences of views and policies in the future of America."
RICHARDSON, Texas -- Maybe all the criticism from Rush Limbaugh is sinking in.
Republican presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain almost called himself a liberal on Thursday, getting ahead of himself as he contrasted himself with the Democratic candidates.
"I'm a proud, conservative, liberal Republi- Hello! Easy there," McCain said, laughing along with his audience at Texas Instruments Inc.
He corrected himself immediately. "Let me say this: I am a proud, conservative Republican, and both of my possible or likely opponents today are liberal Democrats."
A "liberal" label is sometimes applied to McCain by conservative foes such as Limbaugh who dislike some of his moderate stances and his willingness to work with Democrats. Still, the Arizona senator has made inroads with many critics since becoming the GOP nominee-in-waiting.
McCain was answering a question about whether he would aggressively campaign against Democratic Sens. Barack Obama or Hillary Rodham Clinton.
"Yessir, I will, but I also want to say, I think Americans are a little bit tired of all these negative ads," McCain said. "I want to assure you that I have in this primary, and in my past election campaigns, and in this one, I will conduct a respectful debate."
Then he made one more slip: "Now, it'll be dispirited _ it'll be spirited, because there are stark differences," McCain said.
He concluded: "So there will be strong differences of views and policies in the future of America."
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Ralph Nader has decided to run for president. Well you thought Mike Huckabee didn’t know when to quit.
In fact, Ralph Nader’s campaign slogan? “It’s me again.”
You know who is thrilled that Nader is back in the race? John McCain, he’s not the oldest guy anymore.
Problems for Hillary Clinton: There are 14 states to go, and she only has 12 pantsuits left.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard At The Academy Awards
10. "I'm pretty sure Jack Nicholson is asleep under those sunglasses"
9. "Another refill, Mr. Busey?"
8. "The award for sound mixing . . . finally"
7. "Somebody tell Michael Moore the buffet is for after the show"
6. "Only four more hours? Man, this thing is flying"
5. "Damn, I have 'The Hottie And The Nottie' in my Academy Awards pool"
4. "Eddie Brill says there were too many foreigners in the audience"
3. "No Number 3 — writer still watching Academy Awards"
2. "No, Ms. Fonda, It's 'No Country For Old Men'"
1. "Why can't more Academy Award winners be strippers?"
David Letterman
This just in: Barack Obama says he has a plan for getting us out of the Academy Awards.
The show was very long. I think it takes a lot of nerve for a show that is 4 ½ hours long to give out an award for editing.
The thing was so long I thought I was hosting.
Elton John had a party afterwards. Jack Nicholson was there and so was Jack Black. It was a pretty good hand: two jacks and a queen.
Conan O'Brien
I stayed up and watched the Oscars last night. Javier Bardem delivered part of his acceptance speech in Spanish. He said he did that because he wanted everyone in California to understand him.
According to the Nielsen ratings, this year’s Oscars may be the lowest ever. Apparently, America isn’t as gay as it used to be.
The Oscar for Best Screen Play was won by Diablo Cody. Diablo Cody is a former stripper. That’s her real name. Her stripper name was Ann Patterson.
Things getting nasty between the Clinton and Obama campaigns. Hillary Clinton’s campaign has been circulating a photo of Barack Obama in a traditional Somali dress. Meanwhile, Obama’s campaign has been circulating a photo of Hillary wearing a traditional Somali pantsuit.
Craig Ferguson
Ralph Nader has announced he is for running president again. His announcement has filled millions of people with excitement and hope.
And these people are called Republicans.
Hillary Clinton’s campaign is trying to embarrass Barack Obama. They’ve circulated pictures of Obama wearing Somali tribal dress. Obama wanted to strike back, but there are no pictures of Hillary wearing a dress.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I didn’t go to any Oscar parties last night. I’m not into the Hollywood scene, especially with the whole “not being invited to any of them” thing.
I played it cool and stayed at home.
Our security guard Veatrice had an Oscar party though. It’s still going on.
There was a lot of weirdness last night. Gary Busey accosted Jennifer Garner last night. I’m glad she finally found somebody.
Jay Leno
Ralph Nader has decided to run for president. Well you thought Mike Huckabee didn’t know when to quit.
In fact, Ralph Nader’s campaign slogan? “It’s me again.”
You know who is thrilled that Nader is back in the race? John McCain, he’s not the oldest guy anymore.
Problems for Hillary Clinton: There are 14 states to go, and she only has 12 pantsuits left.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard At The Academy Awards
10. "I'm pretty sure Jack Nicholson is asleep under those sunglasses"
9. "Another refill, Mr. Busey?"
8. "The award for sound mixing . . . finally"
7. "Somebody tell Michael Moore the buffet is for after the show"
6. "Only four more hours? Man, this thing is flying"
5. "Damn, I have 'The Hottie And The Nottie' in my Academy Awards pool"
4. "Eddie Brill says there were too many foreigners in the audience"
3. "No Number 3 — writer still watching Academy Awards"
2. "No, Ms. Fonda, It's 'No Country For Old Men'"
1. "Why can't more Academy Award winners be strippers?"
David Letterman
This just in: Barack Obama says he has a plan for getting us out of the Academy Awards.
The show was very long. I think it takes a lot of nerve for a show that is 4 ½ hours long to give out an award for editing.
The thing was so long I thought I was hosting.
Elton John had a party afterwards. Jack Nicholson was there and so was Jack Black. It was a pretty good hand: two jacks and a queen.
Conan O'Brien
I stayed up and watched the Oscars last night. Javier Bardem delivered part of his acceptance speech in Spanish. He said he did that because he wanted everyone in California to understand him.
According to the Nielsen ratings, this year’s Oscars may be the lowest ever. Apparently, America isn’t as gay as it used to be.
The Oscar for Best Screen Play was won by Diablo Cody. Diablo Cody is a former stripper. That’s her real name. Her stripper name was Ann Patterson.
Things getting nasty between the Clinton and Obama campaigns. Hillary Clinton’s campaign has been circulating a photo of Barack Obama in a traditional Somali dress. Meanwhile, Obama’s campaign has been circulating a photo of Hillary wearing a traditional Somali pantsuit.
Craig Ferguson
Ralph Nader has announced he is for running president again. His announcement has filled millions of people with excitement and hope.
And these people are called Republicans.
Hillary Clinton’s campaign is trying to embarrass Barack Obama. They’ve circulated pictures of Obama wearing Somali tribal dress. Obama wanted to strike back, but there are no pictures of Hillary wearing a dress.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I didn’t go to any Oscar parties last night. I’m not into the Hollywood scene, especially with the whole “not being invited to any of them” thing.
I played it cool and stayed at home.
Our security guard Veatrice had an Oscar party though. It’s still going on.
There was a lot of weirdness last night. Gary Busey accosted Jennifer Garner last night. I’m glad she finally found somebody.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Obama Hits Clinton on NAFTA Support
LORAIN, Ohio -- Barack Obama accused Democratic presidential rival Hillary Rodham Clinton on Sunday of trying to walk away from a long record of support for NAFTA, the free trade agreement that he said has cost 50,000 jobs in Ohio, site of next week's primary.
At the same time, he said attempts to repeal the trade deal "would probably result in more job losses than job gains in the United States."
One day after Clinton angrily accused him of distorting her record on the North American Free Trade Agreement in mass mailings, the Illinois senator was eager to rekindle the long-distance debate, using passages from the former first lady's book as well as her own words.
"Ten years after NAFTA passed, Senator Clinton said it was good for America," Obama said. "Well, I don't think NAFTA has been good for America _ and I never have."
"The fact is, she was saying great things about NAFTA until she started running for president," Obama told an audience at a factory that makes wall board, located in a working class community west of Cleveland.
"A couple years after it passed, she said NAFTA was a 'free and fair trade agreement' and that it was 'proving its worth.' And in 2004, she said, "I think, on balance, NAFTA has been good for New York and America," he said.
The trade agreement has long been unpopular in the industrial Midwest, where critics blame it for lost jobs and shuttered factories, many of which once employed union workers who tend to vote Democratic.
Ohio and Texas both hold primaries next week, with 334 delegates combined, and former President Clinton has said publicly his wife probably needs to win both of them if she is to win the Democratic presidential nomination.
Vermont and Rhode Island also hold primaries on March 4, but have far fewer delegates and have not attracted nearly as much attention.
On another issue, Obama said he was not concerned that Republicans might attempt to depict him as unpatriotic if he becomes the Democratic nominee.
Asked about a series of events, such as not placing his hand over his heart during the national anthem, he said, "The way I will respond to it is with the truth. That I owe everything I am to this country."
He also said patriotism had more than one definition, and that Republicans had presided over a war "in which our troops did not get the body armor they needed" or were sent into the war zone without enough training.
Polls show Clinton with a narrowing lead in Ohio, where trade has long been a sensitive issue.
Given that backdrop, the issue is the core of Obama's drive to win the Ohio primary and possibly force Clinton from the race.
At the news conference, he noted that she had said Saturday that the agreement was negotiated by President George H.W. Bush, and passed and signed into law while her husband was in the White House.
He said Clinton has "essentially presented herself as co-president during the Clinton years. Every good thing that happened she says she was a part of and so the notion that you can selectively pick what you take credit for and then run away from what isnt politically convenient, that doesnt make sense."
On Saturday, Clinton called attention to her plan to fix problems with NAFTA and a commitment against any future trade deals "unless they are positive for American workers."
To an audience of Boilermakers Union members and their families, Obama promised the same thing, with particular attention paid to labor and environmental concerns.
"Now, if we're honest with ourselves, we'll acknowledge that we can't stop globalization in its tracks and that some of these jobs aren't coming back," he said. "But what I refuse to accept is that we have to stand idly by while workers watch their jobs get shipped overseas."
LORAIN, Ohio -- Barack Obama accused Democratic presidential rival Hillary Rodham Clinton on Sunday of trying to walk away from a long record of support for NAFTA, the free trade agreement that he said has cost 50,000 jobs in Ohio, site of next week's primary.
At the same time, he said attempts to repeal the trade deal "would probably result in more job losses than job gains in the United States."
One day after Clinton angrily accused him of distorting her record on the North American Free Trade Agreement in mass mailings, the Illinois senator was eager to rekindle the long-distance debate, using passages from the former first lady's book as well as her own words.
"Ten years after NAFTA passed, Senator Clinton said it was good for America," Obama said. "Well, I don't think NAFTA has been good for America _ and I never have."
"The fact is, she was saying great things about NAFTA until she started running for president," Obama told an audience at a factory that makes wall board, located in a working class community west of Cleveland.
"A couple years after it passed, she said NAFTA was a 'free and fair trade agreement' and that it was 'proving its worth.' And in 2004, she said, "I think, on balance, NAFTA has been good for New York and America," he said.
The trade agreement has long been unpopular in the industrial Midwest, where critics blame it for lost jobs and shuttered factories, many of which once employed union workers who tend to vote Democratic.
Ohio and Texas both hold primaries next week, with 334 delegates combined, and former President Clinton has said publicly his wife probably needs to win both of them if she is to win the Democratic presidential nomination.
Vermont and Rhode Island also hold primaries on March 4, but have far fewer delegates and have not attracted nearly as much attention.
On another issue, Obama said he was not concerned that Republicans might attempt to depict him as unpatriotic if he becomes the Democratic nominee.
Asked about a series of events, such as not placing his hand over his heart during the national anthem, he said, "The way I will respond to it is with the truth. That I owe everything I am to this country."
He also said patriotism had more than one definition, and that Republicans had presided over a war "in which our troops did not get the body armor they needed" or were sent into the war zone without enough training.
Polls show Clinton with a narrowing lead in Ohio, where trade has long been a sensitive issue.
Given that backdrop, the issue is the core of Obama's drive to win the Ohio primary and possibly force Clinton from the race.
At the news conference, he noted that she had said Saturday that the agreement was negotiated by President George H.W. Bush, and passed and signed into law while her husband was in the White House.
He said Clinton has "essentially presented herself as co-president during the Clinton years. Every good thing that happened she says she was a part of and so the notion that you can selectively pick what you take credit for and then run away from what isnt politically convenient, that doesnt make sense."
On Saturday, Clinton called attention to her plan to fix problems with NAFTA and a commitment against any future trade deals "unless they are positive for American workers."
To an audience of Boilermakers Union members and their families, Obama promised the same thing, with particular attention paid to labor and environmental concerns.
"Now, if we're honest with ourselves, we'll acknowledge that we can't stop globalization in its tracks and that some of these jobs aren't coming back," he said. "But what I refuse to accept is that we have to stand idly by while workers watch their jobs get shipped overseas."
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Lewis Switches Support to Obama
WASHINGTON -- Civil rights leader John Lewis dropped his support for Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential bid Wednesday in favor of Barack Obama.
Lewis, a Democratic congressman from Atlanta, is the most prominent black leader to defect from Clinton's campaign in the face of near-unanimous black support for Obama in recent voting. He also is a superdelegate who gets a vote at this summer's national convention in Denver.
In a written statement, Lewis said Obama's campaign "represents the beginning of a new movement in American political history" and that he wants "to be on the side of the people."
"After taking some time for serious reflection on this issue, I have decided that when I cast my vote as a superdelegate at the Democratic convention, it is my duty ... to express the will of the people," the statement said.
Lewis' endorsement had been a coveted prize among the Democratic candidates thanks to his standing as one of the most prominent civil rights leaders of the 1960s.
"John Lewis is an American hero and a giant of the civil rights movement, and I am deeply honored to have his support," Obama said in a statement.
Clinton, questioned about Lewis during a satellite interview with Houston television station KTRK, said: "I understand he's been under tremendous pressure. He's been my friend. He will always be my friend. At the end of the day it's not about who is supporting us, it's about what we're presenting, what our positions are, what our experiences and qualifications are and I think that voters are going to decide."
Lewis first announced his Clinton endorsement in October and has appeared on her behalf on television and at events across the country, at one point accusing Obama supporters of trying to fan the flames of race against her. Clinton has frequently cited his support in trying to establish her credentials among minority voters, saying she saw her campaign as a continuation of his work.
But Lewis came under intense pressure to get behind Obama after his constituents supported the Illinois senator roughly 3-to-1 in Georgia's Feb. 5 primary, and about 90 percent of black voters statewide voted for Obama, according to exit polls. The support among black voters nationwide to Obama's candidacy mirrors Lewis' Georgia district.
His change of heart follows a similar move by Rep. David Scott, a black Democrat who represents a neighboring district. It also comes a week after the Rev. Markel Hutchins, a young Atlanta minister, announced he would challenge Lewis in the Democratic congressional primary this summer.
Hutchins, 30, has seized on Lewis' waffling in the presidential contest as evidence that the 68-year-old congressman is out of touch.
"Today's announcement by Representative Lewis was clearly prompted by political expediency," Hutchins said Wednesday. "It is time for a change. It is time to send somebody to Congress who is actually willing to represent the district."
Earlier this month, Lewis' office disputed media reports that he said he would switch candidates, or was at least reconsidering. But until Wednesday. Lewis refused to answer questions clarifying his position.
He said Wednesday afternoon he had called former President Clinton and Sen. Clinton but had not reached them.
Lewis' announcement comes on the same day as another superdelegate, Sen. Byron Dorgan of North Dakota, endorsed Obama, citing the presidential hopeful's record on trade.
The Obama campaign also said more than 1 million people have contributed to the campaign _ a threshold crossed on Wednesday. Many donors have given $25 or $50, he said. The average donation is a little more than $100.
"We have funded this campaign at the grass-roots level," campaign manager David Plouffe told reporters on a conference call. "It's really built on the backs of the American people who are getting involved in this campaign. Most of the people giving us money are also volunteering."
Dorgan said Obama has supported key trade issues. "He and I feel the same way. We both believe in trade and plenty of it. We just insist it that it be fair to our country _ the rules be fair."
NAFTA, the free trade agreement with Canada and Mexico, is unpopular with blue-collar workers whose votes are critical in the Democratic primary Tuesday in Ohio.
Obama has won 11 straight primaries and caucuses since Super Tuesday, increased his advantage in the all-important delegate count and has attracted the support of his congressional colleagues. On Tuesday, he secured the endorsement of one-time presidential candidate Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut.
Clinton has been endorsed by 13 of her Senate colleagues, Obama 10.
WASHINGTON -- Civil rights leader John Lewis dropped his support for Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential bid Wednesday in favor of Barack Obama.
Lewis, a Democratic congressman from Atlanta, is the most prominent black leader to defect from Clinton's campaign in the face of near-unanimous black support for Obama in recent voting. He also is a superdelegate who gets a vote at this summer's national convention in Denver.
In a written statement, Lewis said Obama's campaign "represents the beginning of a new movement in American political history" and that he wants "to be on the side of the people."
"After taking some time for serious reflection on this issue, I have decided that when I cast my vote as a superdelegate at the Democratic convention, it is my duty ... to express the will of the people," the statement said.
Lewis' endorsement had been a coveted prize among the Democratic candidates thanks to his standing as one of the most prominent civil rights leaders of the 1960s.
"John Lewis is an American hero and a giant of the civil rights movement, and I am deeply honored to have his support," Obama said in a statement.
Clinton, questioned about Lewis during a satellite interview with Houston television station KTRK, said: "I understand he's been under tremendous pressure. He's been my friend. He will always be my friend. At the end of the day it's not about who is supporting us, it's about what we're presenting, what our positions are, what our experiences and qualifications are and I think that voters are going to decide."
Lewis first announced his Clinton endorsement in October and has appeared on her behalf on television and at events across the country, at one point accusing Obama supporters of trying to fan the flames of race against her. Clinton has frequently cited his support in trying to establish her credentials among minority voters, saying she saw her campaign as a continuation of his work.
But Lewis came under intense pressure to get behind Obama after his constituents supported the Illinois senator roughly 3-to-1 in Georgia's Feb. 5 primary, and about 90 percent of black voters statewide voted for Obama, according to exit polls. The support among black voters nationwide to Obama's candidacy mirrors Lewis' Georgia district.
His change of heart follows a similar move by Rep. David Scott, a black Democrat who represents a neighboring district. It also comes a week after the Rev. Markel Hutchins, a young Atlanta minister, announced he would challenge Lewis in the Democratic congressional primary this summer.
Hutchins, 30, has seized on Lewis' waffling in the presidential contest as evidence that the 68-year-old congressman is out of touch.
"Today's announcement by Representative Lewis was clearly prompted by political expediency," Hutchins said Wednesday. "It is time for a change. It is time to send somebody to Congress who is actually willing to represent the district."
Earlier this month, Lewis' office disputed media reports that he said he would switch candidates, or was at least reconsidering. But until Wednesday. Lewis refused to answer questions clarifying his position.
He said Wednesday afternoon he had called former President Clinton and Sen. Clinton but had not reached them.
Lewis' announcement comes on the same day as another superdelegate, Sen. Byron Dorgan of North Dakota, endorsed Obama, citing the presidential hopeful's record on trade.
The Obama campaign also said more than 1 million people have contributed to the campaign _ a threshold crossed on Wednesday. Many donors have given $25 or $50, he said. The average donation is a little more than $100.
"We have funded this campaign at the grass-roots level," campaign manager David Plouffe told reporters on a conference call. "It's really built on the backs of the American people who are getting involved in this campaign. Most of the people giving us money are also volunteering."
Dorgan said Obama has supported key trade issues. "He and I feel the same way. We both believe in trade and plenty of it. We just insist it that it be fair to our country _ the rules be fair."
NAFTA, the free trade agreement with Canada and Mexico, is unpopular with blue-collar workers whose votes are critical in the Democratic primary Tuesday in Ohio.
Obama has won 11 straight primaries and caucuses since Super Tuesday, increased his advantage in the all-important delegate count and has attracted the support of his congressional colleagues. On Tuesday, he secured the endorsement of one-time presidential candidate Sen. Chris Dodd of Connecticut.
Clinton has been endorsed by 13 of her Senate colleagues, Obama 10.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Fact Check: Clinton, Obama and NAFTA
WASHINGTON -- Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama are paying a price for artful dodges on trade over the years.
Thanks to past equivocations, the Democratic presidential candidates have left themselves open to the criticisms and misrepresentations they are now turning against each other as they scramble to dissociate themselves from a trade agreement they once praised _ with qualifications.
The root of their ambivalence is their shared belief in "free and fair trade," which, on the surface, almost anyone can subscribe to.
The problem is that "fair" trade means restrictions on "free" trade, a gloss-over that allows politicians to have it both ways when saying where they stand on NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement, and similar deals.
In picking apart the other's this-but-that position, they are seizing on the "this," and ignoring the "that," in the interest of winning voters in the primary next week in Ohio, where the trade deal is blamed for lost jobs.
The dustup spilled into the streets Tuesday when dozens of protesters who oppose free trade gathered outside Clinton's office in New York City. Several apparently shackled themselves to a front door of the building before police came.
THE SPIN:
Obama on his position: "I don't think NAFTA has been good for Americans, and I never have."
Obama on her position: "She was saying great things about NAFTA until she started running for president."
Obama campaign mailer in Ohio: "Hillary Clinton believed NAFTA was a 'boon' to our economy," and "Only Barack Obama consistently opposed NAFTA."
THE FACTS:
Obama has been consistently ambivalent.
In his 2004 Senate campaign, he said the U.S. should pursue more deals such as NAFTA, and argued more broadly that his opponent's call for tariffs would spark a trade war. AP reported then that the Illinois senator had spoken of enormous benefits having accrued to his state from NAFTA, while adding that he also called for more aggressive trade protections for U.S. workers.
"We need free trade but also fair trade," he said, taking the dodge.
Obama is correct that Clinton has praised NAFTA in various ways, but he leaves out the qualifications she's expressed along the way.
And she did not say NAFTA was a "boon," as the mailer states on its ominous cover, depicting a locked factory gate. "Boon" was a newspaper's characterization of her position, which is reprinted inside the mailer.
THE SPIN:
Clinton on her position: NAFTA was "negotiated under President George H.W. Bush and it was passed during my husband's presidency. But I was always uncomfortable about certain aspects of it, and I have always made that clear."
Clinton mailer on Obama's position: "Ohio needs to know the truth about Obama's position on Protecting American Workers and NAFTA."
THE FACTS:
Her implication that NAFTA was simply a spillover from the first President Bush and passively made law under President Clinton ignores the fierce lobbying Bill Clinton engaged in to get the deal ratified by Congress. Hillary Clinton helped him in that effort.
President Clinton used his faith in free trade as a core issue to distinguish himself from Democratic orthodoxy and establish a "third way" between politics of the left and right.
Hillary Clinton counted NAFTA among her husband's leading accomplishments, despite her publicly expressed misgivings about parts of it.
In 1996, when the pact was three years old, she said the trade deal with Mexico and Canada was giving U.S. workers a chance to compete. "That's what a free and fair trade agreement like NAFTA is all about," she said. "I think NAFTA is proving its worth."
In a speech to the centrist Democratic Leadership Council in 2002, she said this of her husband's record:
"The economic recovery plan stands first and foremost as a testament to both good ideas and political courage. National service. The Brady bill. Family leave. NAFTA. Investment in science and technology. New markets....
"All of these came out of some very fundamental ideas about what would work. The results speak for themselves."
The Clinton mailer accurately quoted news stories from 2004 describing Obama's call for more NAFTA-like agreements and his belief that the deal has brought benefits to his state. But the mailer was strikingly selective, leaving out qualifications he emphasized at the time, and were closely linked in the news stories.
In one such example, he said: "The problem in a lot of our trade agreements is that the administration tends to negotiate on behalf of multinational companies instead of workers and communities."
WASHINGTON -- Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama are paying a price for artful dodges on trade over the years.
Thanks to past equivocations, the Democratic presidential candidates have left themselves open to the criticisms and misrepresentations they are now turning against each other as they scramble to dissociate themselves from a trade agreement they once praised _ with qualifications.
The root of their ambivalence is their shared belief in "free and fair trade," which, on the surface, almost anyone can subscribe to.
The problem is that "fair" trade means restrictions on "free" trade, a gloss-over that allows politicians to have it both ways when saying where they stand on NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement, and similar deals.
In picking apart the other's this-but-that position, they are seizing on the "this," and ignoring the "that," in the interest of winning voters in the primary next week in Ohio, where the trade deal is blamed for lost jobs.
The dustup spilled into the streets Tuesday when dozens of protesters who oppose free trade gathered outside Clinton's office in New York City. Several apparently shackled themselves to a front door of the building before police came.
THE SPIN:
Obama on his position: "I don't think NAFTA has been good for Americans, and I never have."
Obama on her position: "She was saying great things about NAFTA until she started running for president."
Obama campaign mailer in Ohio: "Hillary Clinton believed NAFTA was a 'boon' to our economy," and "Only Barack Obama consistently opposed NAFTA."
THE FACTS:
Obama has been consistently ambivalent.
In his 2004 Senate campaign, he said the U.S. should pursue more deals such as NAFTA, and argued more broadly that his opponent's call for tariffs would spark a trade war. AP reported then that the Illinois senator had spoken of enormous benefits having accrued to his state from NAFTA, while adding that he also called for more aggressive trade protections for U.S. workers.
"We need free trade but also fair trade," he said, taking the dodge.
Obama is correct that Clinton has praised NAFTA in various ways, but he leaves out the qualifications she's expressed along the way.
And she did not say NAFTA was a "boon," as the mailer states on its ominous cover, depicting a locked factory gate. "Boon" was a newspaper's characterization of her position, which is reprinted inside the mailer.
THE SPIN:
Clinton on her position: NAFTA was "negotiated under President George H.W. Bush and it was passed during my husband's presidency. But I was always uncomfortable about certain aspects of it, and I have always made that clear."
Clinton mailer on Obama's position: "Ohio needs to know the truth about Obama's position on Protecting American Workers and NAFTA."
THE FACTS:
Her implication that NAFTA was simply a spillover from the first President Bush and passively made law under President Clinton ignores the fierce lobbying Bill Clinton engaged in to get the deal ratified by Congress. Hillary Clinton helped him in that effort.
President Clinton used his faith in free trade as a core issue to distinguish himself from Democratic orthodoxy and establish a "third way" between politics of the left and right.
Hillary Clinton counted NAFTA among her husband's leading accomplishments, despite her publicly expressed misgivings about parts of it.
In 1996, when the pact was three years old, she said the trade deal with Mexico and Canada was giving U.S. workers a chance to compete. "That's what a free and fair trade agreement like NAFTA is all about," she said. "I think NAFTA is proving its worth."
In a speech to the centrist Democratic Leadership Council in 2002, she said this of her husband's record:
"The economic recovery plan stands first and foremost as a testament to both good ideas and political courage. National service. The Brady bill. Family leave. NAFTA. Investment in science and technology. New markets....
"All of these came out of some very fundamental ideas about what would work. The results speak for themselves."
The Clinton mailer accurately quoted news stories from 2004 describing Obama's call for more NAFTA-like agreements and his belief that the deal has brought benefits to his state. But the mailer was strikingly selective, leaving out qualifications he emphasized at the time, and were closely linked in the news stories.
In one such example, he said: "The problem in a lot of our trade agreements is that the administration tends to negotiate on behalf of multinational companies instead of workers and communities."
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Now that he’s the Republican front-runner, it looks like John McCain has changed his position on torture. He’s now in favor of waterboarding, but only in very limited cases. Like if you’re editor of The New York Times.
I’m sure you’ve heard this story by now — The New York Times alleges that John McCain had an inappropriate relationship with a young female lobbyist. I haven’t seen McCain this angry since “Matlock” was canceled.
They say this woman traveled around with McCain to his campaign stops and she also flew aboard his private jet. You know what they call a young woman who travels around with a 71-year-old man? A nurse!
The New York Times did it again. Today they released a story suggesting Hillary was sleeping with Bill. There’s only so much you can believe.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Film Is Not Going To Be Winning An Academy Award
10. It's 90 minutes of credits
9. Plot involves Matthew McConaughey's death-defying quest to find a shirt
8. It was directed by Steven Spielbaum
7. Awkward 20-minute part where actor has hiccoughs
6. To save money on special effects, film's monsters are stunt guys in green ping pong ball covered leotards
5. During movie, you hear sound guy grumble, "Oh, come on"
4. No number 4 — writer still stuck on Jet Blue flight — still a reference, people
3. Only honor it received was "Most Graphic Depiction of Raccoon Sex"
2. There's never been a Best Picture with "Hottie" or "Nottie" in the title
1. It was rated H.C.T.S. for "Holy Crap, This Sucks"
David Letterman
Academy Awards on Sunday. Side effects include nausea, stomach pains, and sexual dysfunction.
Academy Awards is like a flight on Jet Blue. You sit there for six hours hoping it will take off.
The statue, the Oscar, is 13 ½ inches tall, weighs 8 ½ pounds, and . . . no, that’s Tom Cruise.
Conan O'Brien
Sen. Hillary Clinton has once again accused Barack Obama of plagiarizing a speech from another politician. Hillary said, “Plagiarizing is the second worst kind of cheating.”
Sen. John McCain has been accused of having an affair with a woman who was a lobbyist for a cable television company. During their affair, the cable lobbyist would show up at McCain’s house sometime between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m.
This week, footage surfaced of Sen. Ted Kennedy singing in Spanish to a Latino group. There was an awkward moment when someone in the crowd pointed at Kennedy’s head and said, “Look — the piñata is singing!”
The Pentagon says it successfully shot down an old satellite over the Pacific Ocean. According to the Pentagon, this is the largest object to be shot down since Star Jones was fired by “The View.”
Craig Ferguson
This week: Obama won, Hillary lost, and John McCain showed us he’s not as old as we thought.
He showed us he can still show a lady a good time . . . as long as he’s in bed by 8 o’clock.
Kirstie Alley is starting her own weight-loss company. Here’s how it works: You send her 30 bucks, and she comes to your house and stands next to you.
It’s the Oscars! The Oscars is like a gay Super Bowl, without Eli Manning. It’s just the manning.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Sunday is the Academy Awards. None of us were invited.
A great story about Aston Kucher’s birthday party. Apparently, a bar tender who worked at the party tested positive for hepatitis A, which is extremely contagious, and there were a ton of celebrities there . . . Demi Moore, Madonna, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler, Javier Bardem, who’s nominated for Best-Supporting Actor . . . all could have hepatitis A, which is now like the coolest thing, like the Kabbalah bracelets.
Since Javier Bardem is going to be at the Oscars, he could wind up exposing everyone at the Oscars. You have to hand it to that Ashton Kutcher . . . he’s always finding new ways to screw with famous people.
Don’t think of it as a debilitating liver disease, think of it as a Punk’d that lasts a lifetime.
Jay Leno
Now that he’s the Republican front-runner, it looks like John McCain has changed his position on torture. He’s now in favor of waterboarding, but only in very limited cases. Like if you’re editor of The New York Times.
I’m sure you’ve heard this story by now — The New York Times alleges that John McCain had an inappropriate relationship with a young female lobbyist. I haven’t seen McCain this angry since “Matlock” was canceled.
They say this woman traveled around with McCain to his campaign stops and she also flew aboard his private jet. You know what they call a young woman who travels around with a 71-year-old man? A nurse!
The New York Times did it again. Today they released a story suggesting Hillary was sleeping with Bill. There’s only so much you can believe.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your Film Is Not Going To Be Winning An Academy Award
10. It's 90 minutes of credits
9. Plot involves Matthew McConaughey's death-defying quest to find a shirt
8. It was directed by Steven Spielbaum
7. Awkward 20-minute part where actor has hiccoughs
6. To save money on special effects, film's monsters are stunt guys in green ping pong ball covered leotards
5. During movie, you hear sound guy grumble, "Oh, come on"
4. No number 4 — writer still stuck on Jet Blue flight — still a reference, people
3. Only honor it received was "Most Graphic Depiction of Raccoon Sex"
2. There's never been a Best Picture with "Hottie" or "Nottie" in the title
1. It was rated H.C.T.S. for "Holy Crap, This Sucks"
David Letterman
Academy Awards on Sunday. Side effects include nausea, stomach pains, and sexual dysfunction.
Academy Awards is like a flight on Jet Blue. You sit there for six hours hoping it will take off.
The statue, the Oscar, is 13 ½ inches tall, weighs 8 ½ pounds, and . . . no, that’s Tom Cruise.
Conan O'Brien
Sen. Hillary Clinton has once again accused Barack Obama of plagiarizing a speech from another politician. Hillary said, “Plagiarizing is the second worst kind of cheating.”
Sen. John McCain has been accused of having an affair with a woman who was a lobbyist for a cable television company. During their affair, the cable lobbyist would show up at McCain’s house sometime between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m.
This week, footage surfaced of Sen. Ted Kennedy singing in Spanish to a Latino group. There was an awkward moment when someone in the crowd pointed at Kennedy’s head and said, “Look — the piñata is singing!”
The Pentagon says it successfully shot down an old satellite over the Pacific Ocean. According to the Pentagon, this is the largest object to be shot down since Star Jones was fired by “The View.”
Craig Ferguson
This week: Obama won, Hillary lost, and John McCain showed us he’s not as old as we thought.
He showed us he can still show a lady a good time . . . as long as he’s in bed by 8 o’clock.
Kirstie Alley is starting her own weight-loss company. Here’s how it works: You send her 30 bucks, and she comes to your house and stands next to you.
It’s the Oscars! The Oscars is like a gay Super Bowl, without Eli Manning. It’s just the manning.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Sunday is the Academy Awards. None of us were invited.
A great story about Aston Kucher’s birthday party. Apparently, a bar tender who worked at the party tested positive for hepatitis A, which is extremely contagious, and there were a ton of celebrities there . . . Demi Moore, Madonna, Kate Hudson, Liv Tyler, Javier Bardem, who’s nominated for Best-Supporting Actor . . . all could have hepatitis A, which is now like the coolest thing, like the Kabbalah bracelets.
Since Javier Bardem is going to be at the Oscars, he could wind up exposing everyone at the Oscars. You have to hand it to that Ashton Kutcher . . . he’s always finding new ways to screw with famous people.
Don’t think of it as a debilitating liver disease, think of it as a Punk’d that lasts a lifetime.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
The New York Times says that John McCain had a close, personal relationship with a beautiful, young, female lobbyist. Do you believe this? Think about it. A senator, who’s a Republican having sex with a woman.
If it does turn out to be true, then John McCain’s critics have a point — he really does act more like a Democrat.
They say this woman works for the telecommunications lobby. Apparently, she called McCain out of the blue and asked, “Are you happy with your current sex provider?”
Hillary Clinton still doing very well in one state: the state of denial.
David Letterman
John McCain may have had an inappropriate relationship with a young blonde. Sounds like presidential material to me.
The woman is now in Phase 1 of a Washington scandal: denial.
Phase 2 is book deal.
Phase 3 is nude for Playboy.
Conan O'Brien
The New York Times is claiming John McCain, who is 71 years old, had an inappropriate relationship with a woman who is a Washington lobbyist. The good news is there’s no footage.
Political experts say this could be huge for McCain because he’s married, and the woman he’s accused of having the relationship is 31 years younger than him. In a related story today, McCain was endorsed by Bill Clinton.
The Spice Girls have offered to perform at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday party. When he heard this, Mandela said, “Thanks, but I’ve already made plans to enjoy myself.”
The store Sharper Image has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The bankruptcy was filed using the Sharper Image Bankruptcy-Filing, Folding-Bicycle, Massage Chair.
Craig Ferguson
There was an earthquake in Nevada. Over where they have legalized prostitution, a brothel was damaged — one man had to freed from a crack.
Tough day for John McCain. But don’t worry — all the sex happened before there was video.
The New York Times said McCain had an affair years ago. I think it was with Joan of Ark.
Apparently, John McCain had an affair with a lobbyist from a telecommunications company. He was roaming on nights and weekends.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Academy Awards are just across the street. They’ve got the red carpet out, they’ve even covered the storm drains in case it rains so Keira Knightley doesn’t wash down the sewer.
The unthinkable happened today. My friend, “Man Show” co-host, Adam Carolla, was on Oprah Winfrey. Trampolines all over America are hanging at half mast.
I figured out something today. Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama met in Texas today. But of course nobody watched because of “American Idol.”
Jay Leno
The New York Times says that John McCain had a close, personal relationship with a beautiful, young, female lobbyist. Do you believe this? Think about it. A senator, who’s a Republican having sex with a woman.
If it does turn out to be true, then John McCain’s critics have a point — he really does act more like a Democrat.
They say this woman works for the telecommunications lobby. Apparently, she called McCain out of the blue and asked, “Are you happy with your current sex provider?”
Hillary Clinton still doing very well in one state: the state of denial.
David Letterman
John McCain may have had an inappropriate relationship with a young blonde. Sounds like presidential material to me.
The woman is now in Phase 1 of a Washington scandal: denial.
Phase 2 is book deal.
Phase 3 is nude for Playboy.
Conan O'Brien
The New York Times is claiming John McCain, who is 71 years old, had an inappropriate relationship with a woman who is a Washington lobbyist. The good news is there’s no footage.
Political experts say this could be huge for McCain because he’s married, and the woman he’s accused of having the relationship is 31 years younger than him. In a related story today, McCain was endorsed by Bill Clinton.
The Spice Girls have offered to perform at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday party. When he heard this, Mandela said, “Thanks, but I’ve already made plans to enjoy myself.”
The store Sharper Image has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The bankruptcy was filed using the Sharper Image Bankruptcy-Filing, Folding-Bicycle, Massage Chair.
Craig Ferguson
There was an earthquake in Nevada. Over where they have legalized prostitution, a brothel was damaged — one man had to freed from a crack.
Tough day for John McCain. But don’t worry — all the sex happened before there was video.
The New York Times said McCain had an affair years ago. I think it was with Joan of Ark.
Apparently, John McCain had an affair with a lobbyist from a telecommunications company. He was roaming on nights and weekends.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Academy Awards are just across the street. They’ve got the red carpet out, they’ve even covered the storm drains in case it rains so Keira Knightley doesn’t wash down the sewer.
The unthinkable happened today. My friend, “Man Show” co-host, Adam Carolla, was on Oprah Winfrey. Trampolines all over America are hanging at half mast.
I figured out something today. Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama met in Texas today. But of course nobody watched because of “American Idol.”
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Happy Black History Month! And if Barack Obama keeps winning, Hillary could be history.
Barack Obama won two more states. That makes 10 in a row. I think the only way Hillary’s going to get into the White House now is if she uses that tunnel Bill dug to sneak out.
If she loses one more, she’s going to be signed by the L.A. Clippers.
This week on TV, John McCain said, “No new taxes.” You know who else said that . . . Wesley Snipes.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Martha Stewart And Emeril Lagasse Dinner Party Tips
10. Now thanks to Dominos 2-pizza deal, I can host a full blown dinner for 14 bucks
9. Run out of cream? In a pinch you can substitute Martha Stewart's white semi-gloss paint
8. Before cooking, lick poultry to make sure it doesn't taste "Salmonella-y"
7. Keep Regis away from the cooking sherry
6. Bam! Sorry, I always had wanted to do that
5. An apron is a great substitute for pants
4. For plump and juicy meats, inject that stuff Roger Clemens uses
3. Wait until dishes have been cleared before telling guests, "You just ate monkey"
2. Never let Jane Fonda make a toast
1. Whatever you do, don't invite Letterman
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Texas. They’re really nervous over at the Hillary camp. To give you an idea how nervous she is, she showed up in a pantsuit and chaps.
Last week in Wisconsin, she showed up in a cheese pantsuit.
There’s already trouble down there in Texas. Bill got into a shouting match with an oil well.
Hillary is worried that Bill will wander off in Texas, so today she had him branded and gelded.
Conan O'Brien
More good news for Barack Obama. Yesterday, Barack Obama won the Wisconsin primary. This makes Obama the first black man to win a primary in Wisconsin, and the first black man to go to Wisconsin.
More bad news for Hillary Clinton. Yesterday, the founders of Ben & Jerry’s announced they are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary. They decided not to endorse Hillary after they realized nobody would buy a flavor called Nutbuster Crunch.
This is weird: The band Abba is upset with John McCain. The band wants John McCain to stop using their song on his campaign route. When asked about it, John McCain said, “Who cares about Abba? Kids today are into the Bee Gees.”
Yesterday, Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down. He will be replaced by his brother Raul. According to the State Department, Raul is the Jim Belushi of Central America.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Hillary Clinton. She was crushed last night in Wisconsin and Hawaii. Hillary is so desperate, last night she told Bill she’d sleep with him to get his vote.
Hillary says Barack Obama is all about words, not action. But if the Clintons are back are in White House, there will be a whole lot of action going on.
Steven Spielberg pulled out of the Beijing Olympics. He wasn’t competing or anything . . . he was the artistic adviser. He quit because of China’s poor record on human rights. Chinese officials were so upset they couldn’t torture anyone all week.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I want to announce that I am not part of the 143 million pounds of recalled meat.
The FDA has ruled that I am both safe and delicious to eat.
President Bush is going to blow up that defective spy satellite. His plan is to blow up one a month until he leaves office.
Jay Leno
Happy Black History Month! And if Barack Obama keeps winning, Hillary could be history.
Barack Obama won two more states. That makes 10 in a row. I think the only way Hillary’s going to get into the White House now is if she uses that tunnel Bill dug to sneak out.
If she loses one more, she’s going to be signed by the L.A. Clippers.
This week on TV, John McCain said, “No new taxes.” You know who else said that . . . Wesley Snipes.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Martha Stewart And Emeril Lagasse Dinner Party Tips
10. Now thanks to Dominos 2-pizza deal, I can host a full blown dinner for 14 bucks
9. Run out of cream? In a pinch you can substitute Martha Stewart's white semi-gloss paint
8. Before cooking, lick poultry to make sure it doesn't taste "Salmonella-y"
7. Keep Regis away from the cooking sherry
6. Bam! Sorry, I always had wanted to do that
5. An apron is a great substitute for pants
4. For plump and juicy meats, inject that stuff Roger Clemens uses
3. Wait until dishes have been cleared before telling guests, "You just ate monkey"
2. Never let Jane Fonda make a toast
1. Whatever you do, don't invite Letterman
David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Texas. They’re really nervous over at the Hillary camp. To give you an idea how nervous she is, she showed up in a pantsuit and chaps.
Last week in Wisconsin, she showed up in a cheese pantsuit.
There’s already trouble down there in Texas. Bill got into a shouting match with an oil well.
Hillary is worried that Bill will wander off in Texas, so today she had him branded and gelded.
Conan O'Brien
More good news for Barack Obama. Yesterday, Barack Obama won the Wisconsin primary. This makes Obama the first black man to win a primary in Wisconsin, and the first black man to go to Wisconsin.
More bad news for Hillary Clinton. Yesterday, the founders of Ben & Jerry’s announced they are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary. They decided not to endorse Hillary after they realized nobody would buy a flavor called Nutbuster Crunch.
This is weird: The band Abba is upset with John McCain. The band wants John McCain to stop using their song on his campaign route. When asked about it, John McCain said, “Who cares about Abba? Kids today are into the Bee Gees.”
Yesterday, Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down. He will be replaced by his brother Raul. According to the State Department, Raul is the Jim Belushi of Central America.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Hillary Clinton. She was crushed last night in Wisconsin and Hawaii. Hillary is so desperate, last night she told Bill she’d sleep with him to get his vote.
Hillary says Barack Obama is all about words, not action. But if the Clintons are back are in White House, there will be a whole lot of action going on.
Steven Spielberg pulled out of the Beijing Olympics. He wasn’t competing or anything . . . he was the artistic adviser. He quit because of China’s poor record on human rights. Chinese officials were so upset they couldn’t torture anyone all week.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I want to announce that I am not part of the 143 million pounds of recalled meat.
The FDA has ruled that I am both safe and delicious to eat.
President Bush is going to blow up that defective spy satellite. His plan is to blow up one a month until he leaves office.
Late Nite Jokes
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Happy Black History Month! And if Barack Obama keeps winning, Hillary could be history.
Barack Obama won two more states. That makes 10 in a row. I think the only way Hillary’s going to get into the White House now is if she uses that tunnel Bill dug to sneak out.
If she loses one more, she’s going to be signed by the L.A. Clippers.
This week on TV, John McCain said, “No new taxes.” You know who else said that . . . Wesley Snipes.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Martha Stewart And Emeril Lagasse Dinner Party Tips
10. Now thanks to Dominos 2-pizza deal, I can host a full blown dinner for 14 bucks
9. Run out of cream? In a pinch you can substitute Martha Stewart's white semi-gloss paint
8. Before cooking, lick poultry to make sure it doesn't taste "Salmonella-y"
7. Keep Regis away from the cooking sherry
6. Bam! Sorry, I always had wanted to do that
5. An apron is a great substitute for pants
4. For plump and juicy meats, inject that stuff Roger Clemens uses
3. Wait until dishes have been cleared before telling guests, "You just ate monkey"
2. Never let Jane Fonda make a toast
1. Whatever you do, don't invite Letterman
Late Show with David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Texas. They’re really nervous over at the Hillary camp. To give you an idea how nervous she is, she showed up in a pantsuit and chaps.
Last week in Wisconsin, she showed up in a cheese pantsuit.
There’s already trouble down there in Texas. Bill got into a shouting match with an oil well.
Hillary is worried that Bill will wander off in Texas, so today she had him branded and gelded.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
More good news for Barack Obama. Yesterday, Barack Obama won the Wisconsin primary. This makes Obama the first black man to win a primary in Wisconsin, and the first black man to go to Wisconsin.
More bad news for Hillary Clinton. Yesterday, the founders of Ben & Jerry’s announced they are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary. They decided not to endorse Hillary after they realized nobody would buy a flavor called Nutbuster Crunch.
This is weird: The band Abba is upset with John McCain. The band wants John McCain to stop using their song on his campaign route. When asked about it, John McCain said, “Who cares about Abba? Kids today are into the Bee Gees.”
Yesterday, Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down. He will be replaced by his brother Raul. According to the State Department, Raul is the Jim Belushi of Central America.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Hillary Clinton. She was crushed last night in Wisconsin and Hawaii. Hillary is so desperate, last night she told Bill she’d sleep with him to get his vote.
Hillary says Barack Obama is all about words, not action. But if the Clintons are back are in White House, there will be a whole lot of action going on.
Steven Spielberg pulled out of the Beijing Olympics. He wasn’t competing or anything . . . he was the artistic adviser. He quit because of China’s poor record on human rights. Chinese officials were so upset they couldn’t torture anyone all week.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I want to announce that I am not part of the 143 million pounds of recalled meat.
The FDA has ruled that I am both safe and delicious to eat.
President Bush is going to blow up that defective spy satellite. His plan is to blow up one a month until he leaves office.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Happy Black History Month! And if Barack Obama keeps winning, Hillary could be history.
Barack Obama won two more states. That makes 10 in a row. I think the only way Hillary’s going to get into the White House now is if she uses that tunnel Bill dug to sneak out.
If she loses one more, she’s going to be signed by the L.A. Clippers.
This week on TV, John McCain said, “No new taxes.” You know who else said that . . . Wesley Snipes.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Martha Stewart And Emeril Lagasse Dinner Party Tips
10. Now thanks to Dominos 2-pizza deal, I can host a full blown dinner for 14 bucks
9. Run out of cream? In a pinch you can substitute Martha Stewart's white semi-gloss paint
8. Before cooking, lick poultry to make sure it doesn't taste "Salmonella-y"
7. Keep Regis away from the cooking sherry
6. Bam! Sorry, I always had wanted to do that
5. An apron is a great substitute for pants
4. For plump and juicy meats, inject that stuff Roger Clemens uses
3. Wait until dishes have been cleared before telling guests, "You just ate monkey"
2. Never let Jane Fonda make a toast
1. Whatever you do, don't invite Letterman
Late Show with David Letterman
Hillary Clinton is campaigning in Texas. They’re really nervous over at the Hillary camp. To give you an idea how nervous she is, she showed up in a pantsuit and chaps.
Last week in Wisconsin, she showed up in a cheese pantsuit.
There’s already trouble down there in Texas. Bill got into a shouting match with an oil well.
Hillary is worried that Bill will wander off in Texas, so today she had him branded and gelded.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
More good news for Barack Obama. Yesterday, Barack Obama won the Wisconsin primary. This makes Obama the first black man to win a primary in Wisconsin, and the first black man to go to Wisconsin.
More bad news for Hillary Clinton. Yesterday, the founders of Ben & Jerry’s announced they are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary. They decided not to endorse Hillary after they realized nobody would buy a flavor called Nutbuster Crunch.
This is weird: The band Abba is upset with John McCain. The band wants John McCain to stop using their song on his campaign route. When asked about it, John McCain said, “Who cares about Abba? Kids today are into the Bee Gees.”
Yesterday, Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down. He will be replaced by his brother Raul. According to the State Department, Raul is the Jim Belushi of Central America.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Hillary Clinton. She was crushed last night in Wisconsin and Hawaii. Hillary is so desperate, last night she told Bill she’d sleep with him to get his vote.
Hillary says Barack Obama is all about words, not action. But if the Clintons are back are in White House, there will be a whole lot of action going on.
Steven Spielberg pulled out of the Beijing Olympics. He wasn’t competing or anything . . . he was the artistic adviser. He quit because of China’s poor record on human rights. Chinese officials were so upset they couldn’t torture anyone all week.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I want to announce that I am not part of the 143 million pounds of recalled meat.
The FDA has ruled that I am both safe and delicious to eat.
President Bush is going to blow up that defective spy satellite. His plan is to blow up one a month until he leaves office.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Congratulations to the new nation of Kosovo. They gained their independence this week. Of course, President Bush was shocked when he heard this. He said, “Independence? But we haven’t even invaded them yet.”
President Bush is in Africa this week. Again, I don’t really think he understands the African nation. Today, he was asked if he was looking forward to seeing Rwanda and he said, “You mean my secretary of state?” “No, that’s Condoleezza . . . Rwanda's a country."
The Wall Street Journal reports this week that the candy industry is so worried about falling candy sales they are now adding caffeine to their candy. Well, that’s every parent’s worst nightmare — a fat kid who’s up all night.
More bad news for Roger Clemens. Doctors keep finding more and more side effects from taking steroids. Now it turns out if you take them you may have trouble telling the truth.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons Fidel Castro Is Retiring
10. He has accepted the role of Dr. Ramon Vazquez on "General Hospital"
9. Achieved his goal of getting Cuba's unemployment rate under 83%
8. Wants to spend more time interrogating his family
7. Just got Season One of "Gilmore Girls"
6. Caught injecting human growth hormone into his wife, Debbie Castro
5. Too many tacos
4. He was adopted by Angelina Jolie — honestly, how crazy would that be?
3. Always promised himself he'd quit torturing when it stopped being fun
2. Jane Fonda called him a . . .
1. 49 years at the same job? Who am I, Letterman?
David Letterman
I want to get this off my chest: For the past 20 years, I have been using performance-enhancing vodka.
Yesterday, Andy Pettitte apologized for using growth hormone. Nothing yet from Jane Fonda.
Hillary Clinton is desperate to win in Wisconsin. Today, she was campaigning wearing a cheese pantsuit.
The pressure is getting to the Clintons. Today, Bill got into a screaming match with a cow.
Conan O'Brien
Cuban dictator Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down, ending five decades of rule. The biggest surprise is when Castro announced he’s going to retire in Miami.
President Bush is in Africa. Yesterday he was reading to students from “The Cat in the Hat.” There was an awkward moment when one of the students told Bush, “Sir, this is a college.”
Good news for Barack Obama. The founders of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton. Which makes sense, because "BaRocky Road" is a much catchier name than "Pantsuits & Cream."
The Spice Girls say they want to play for Nelson Mandela’s 90 birthday party. When he heard this he said, “No thanks — I’d rather go back to prison.”
Craig Ferguson
About time Castro retired. He is almost 81 years old — that is the same age as John McCain.
Castro announced his retirement on the Internet. This is the man who blocked the Internet in his own country.
He has a blog. Probably has a MySpace page as well — “Current mood: Evil.”
Fidel is being replaced by a younger, sexier Castro: his younger brother Raul. Is this even possible? Can you imagine a country run by one family for years and years and years? That could never happen here . . .
Jay Leno
Congratulations to the new nation of Kosovo. They gained their independence this week. Of course, President Bush was shocked when he heard this. He said, “Independence? But we haven’t even invaded them yet.”
President Bush is in Africa this week. Again, I don’t really think he understands the African nation. Today, he was asked if he was looking forward to seeing Rwanda and he said, “You mean my secretary of state?” “No, that’s Condoleezza . . . Rwanda's a country."
The Wall Street Journal reports this week that the candy industry is so worried about falling candy sales they are now adding caffeine to their candy. Well, that’s every parent’s worst nightmare — a fat kid who’s up all night.
More bad news for Roger Clemens. Doctors keep finding more and more side effects from taking steroids. Now it turns out if you take them you may have trouble telling the truth.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons Fidel Castro Is Retiring
10. He has accepted the role of Dr. Ramon Vazquez on "General Hospital"
9. Achieved his goal of getting Cuba's unemployment rate under 83%
8. Wants to spend more time interrogating his family
7. Just got Season One of "Gilmore Girls"
6. Caught injecting human growth hormone into his wife, Debbie Castro
5. Too many tacos
4. He was adopted by Angelina Jolie — honestly, how crazy would that be?
3. Always promised himself he'd quit torturing when it stopped being fun
2. Jane Fonda called him a . . .
1. 49 years at the same job? Who am I, Letterman?
David Letterman
I want to get this off my chest: For the past 20 years, I have been using performance-enhancing vodka.
Yesterday, Andy Pettitte apologized for using growth hormone. Nothing yet from Jane Fonda.
Hillary Clinton is desperate to win in Wisconsin. Today, she was campaigning wearing a cheese pantsuit.
The pressure is getting to the Clintons. Today, Bill got into a screaming match with a cow.
Conan O'Brien
Cuban dictator Fidel Castro announced he is stepping down, ending five decades of rule. The biggest surprise is when Castro announced he’s going to retire in Miami.
President Bush is in Africa. Yesterday he was reading to students from “The Cat in the Hat.” There was an awkward moment when one of the students told Bush, “Sir, this is a college.”
Good news for Barack Obama. The founders of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton. Which makes sense, because "BaRocky Road" is a much catchier name than "Pantsuits & Cream."
The Spice Girls say they want to play for Nelson Mandela’s 90 birthday party. When he heard this he said, “No thanks — I’d rather go back to prison.”
Craig Ferguson
About time Castro retired. He is almost 81 years old — that is the same age as John McCain.
Castro announced his retirement on the Internet. This is the man who blocked the Internet in his own country.
He has a blog. Probably has a MySpace page as well — “Current mood: Evil.”
Fidel is being replaced by a younger, sexier Castro: his younger brother Raul. Is this even possible? Can you imagine a country run by one family for years and years and years? That could never happen here . . .
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Happy President’s Day — or as Mitt Romney calls it, Monday.
Today we celebrate the birthdays of Presidents Washington and Lincoln, or as President Bush calls them, Mr. Quarter and Mr. Penny.
Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail. She’s been speaking about Black History Month. She’s been saying, “America’s come so far that today, a black man can grow up and one day be vice president.”
Hillary has lost the last eight primaries in a row. So any crying from now on is going to be real.
David Letterman
Out in California, they recalled 143 million pounds of tainted beef. That’s one triple-stacked burger at Wendy’s.
A hundred forty three pounds of tainted beef! I believe that’s the largest amount of tainted meat since Roger Clemens.
How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary.
John McCain seems reinvigorated. He has a new campaign slogan, “he’ll lead you into the 21st century.” I like it better than his old slogan, “he’ll lead you into assisted living.”
Conan O'Brien
Hillary Clinton is accusing Barack Obama of plagiarizing a speech by a Massachusetts governor. She may have a point: The speech was entitled “I love chowda.”
Over the weekend in Ohio, former President Bill Clinton had an angry confrontation with a heckler who claimed at one point Bill Clinton made physical contact. Clinton denied any physical contact, but again, he always does.
President Bush is in Africa right now. He met the president of Tanzania and gave him a pair of Shaquille O’Neil sneakers. The president of Tanzania was thrilled and said he plans to use Shaq’s shoes as a house for hundreds of people.
Yesterday, the Department of Agriculture recalled 145 million pounds of beef. Experts say this is the largest recall of beef since Star Jones had liposuction.
Craig Ferguson
There was a story on “60 Minutes” last night that said the happiest people on earth are not Americans. The Danish are the happiest people! I’m not surprised — they make Legos in Denmark.
Who doesn’t like Logos? Al-Qaida, that’s about it.
I’ve heard Danish women are beautiful. [Picture of two Lego figurines.]
My favorite thing from Denmark is Danish bacon. Take that, Canada!
Jay Leno
Happy President’s Day — or as Mitt Romney calls it, Monday.
Today we celebrate the birthdays of Presidents Washington and Lincoln, or as President Bush calls them, Mr. Quarter and Mr. Penny.
Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail. She’s been speaking about Black History Month. She’s been saying, “America’s come so far that today, a black man can grow up and one day be vice president.”
Hillary has lost the last eight primaries in a row. So any crying from now on is going to be real.
David Letterman
Out in California, they recalled 143 million pounds of tainted beef. That’s one triple-stacked burger at Wendy’s.
A hundred forty three pounds of tainted beef! I believe that’s the largest amount of tainted meat since Roger Clemens.
How about the presidential campaign. Barack Obama and John Edwards got together over the weekend. Edwards may endorse Barack Obama. Although his hair is leaning towards Hillary.
John McCain seems reinvigorated. He has a new campaign slogan, “he’ll lead you into the 21st century.” I like it better than his old slogan, “he’ll lead you into assisted living.”
Conan O'Brien
Hillary Clinton is accusing Barack Obama of plagiarizing a speech by a Massachusetts governor. She may have a point: The speech was entitled “I love chowda.”
Over the weekend in Ohio, former President Bill Clinton had an angry confrontation with a heckler who claimed at one point Bill Clinton made physical contact. Clinton denied any physical contact, but again, he always does.
President Bush is in Africa right now. He met the president of Tanzania and gave him a pair of Shaquille O’Neil sneakers. The president of Tanzania was thrilled and said he plans to use Shaq’s shoes as a house for hundreds of people.
Yesterday, the Department of Agriculture recalled 145 million pounds of beef. Experts say this is the largest recall of beef since Star Jones had liposuction.
Craig Ferguson
There was a story on “60 Minutes” last night that said the happiest people on earth are not Americans. The Danish are the happiest people! I’m not surprised — they make Legos in Denmark.
Who doesn’t like Logos? Al-Qaida, that’s about it.
I’ve heard Danish women are beautiful. [Picture of two Lego figurines.]
My favorite thing from Denmark is Danish bacon. Take that, Canada!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Hillary, Obama Make Big Payoffs to Superdelegates
Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama are letting their wallets do the talking when it comes to wooing superdelegates, a new study reveals.
"While it would be unseemly for the candidates to hand out thousands of dollars to primary voters, or to the delegates pledged to represent the will of those voters, elected officials serving as superdelegates have received about $890,000 from Obama and Clinton in the form of campaign contributions over the last three years," the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics reported, according to the Boston Globe.
There are about 800 superdelegates -- elected officials, party leaders, and others -- who are expected to play a key role in determining which candidate wins the Democratic presidential nomination.
The Center for Responsive Politics says Obama's PAC has contributed more than $694,000 to superdelegates since 2005. Clinton's political action committee has distributed about $195,000 to superdelegates.
Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama are letting their wallets do the talking when it comes to wooing superdelegates, a new study reveals.
"While it would be unseemly for the candidates to hand out thousands of dollars to primary voters, or to the delegates pledged to represent the will of those voters, elected officials serving as superdelegates have received about $890,000 from Obama and Clinton in the form of campaign contributions over the last three years," the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics reported, according to the Boston Globe.
There are about 800 superdelegates -- elected officials, party leaders, and others -- who are expected to play a key role in determining which candidate wins the Democratic presidential nomination.
The Center for Responsive Politics says Obama's PAC has contributed more than $694,000 to superdelegates since 2005. Clinton's political action committee has distributed about $195,000 to superdelegates.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Bush Chides Congress Over Spy Law Lapse
WASHINGTON -- President Bush scolded Congress for allowing a government eavesdropping law to expire at midnight Saturday, saying the failure to act will make it more difficult to track terrorists and "we may lose a vital lead that could prevent an attack on America."
Bush used his weekly radio address to escalate his war of words with the Democratic leadership of Congress. The Democrats accuse Bush of fear-mongering and misrepresenting the facts.
The president wanted the House to approve a Senate bill that would have renewed a law that made it easier for the government to spy on foreign phone calls and e-mails that pass through the United States. Bush opposed a temporary extension of the bill, and lawmakers left for a 12-day recess without extending the law.
"Some congressional leaders claim that this will not affect our security," the president said. "They are wrong. Because Congress failed to act, it will be harder for our government to keep you safe from terrorist attack. At midnight, the attorney general and the director of National Intelligence will be stripped of their power to authorize new surveillance against terrorist threats abroad. This means that as terrorists change their tactics to avoid our surveillance, we may not have the tools we need to continue tracking them—and we may lose a vital lead that could prevent an attack on America."
Democrats chose Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, a former U.S. attorney and attorney general of Rhode Island, to deliver their Saturday radio address on the same subject.
"We know this president dislikes compromise, but this time he has taken his stubborn approach too far," Whitehouse said. "He is whipping up false fears, and creating artificial confrontation. As the president himself said in the Rose Garden, 'There is really no excuse for letting this critical legislation expire. So let's get it done.'
"But the president instead chose political gamesmanship, rejecting a short extension of the Protect America Act that would allow Congress to complete its work," Whitehouse said. "Make no mistake: If the surveillance law expires, if any intelligence loss results, it is President Bush's choice. Period."
White House officials seethed over the fact that the House, rather than passing the eavesdropping bill, approved contempt citations against two Bush confidants, chief of staff Joshua Bolten and former counsel Harriet Miers, over their refusal to cooperate with an investigation into the firings of U.S. attorneys.
"House leaders chose politics over protecting the country—and our country is at greater risk as a result," Bush said.
"My administration will take every step within our power to minimize the damage caused by the House's irresponsible behavior," he said. "Yet it is still urgent that Congress act. The Senate has shown the way by approving a good, bipartisan bill. The House must pass that bill as soon as they return to Washington from their latest recess."
WASHINGTON -- President Bush scolded Congress for allowing a government eavesdropping law to expire at midnight Saturday, saying the failure to act will make it more difficult to track terrorists and "we may lose a vital lead that could prevent an attack on America."
Bush used his weekly radio address to escalate his war of words with the Democratic leadership of Congress. The Democrats accuse Bush of fear-mongering and misrepresenting the facts.
The president wanted the House to approve a Senate bill that would have renewed a law that made it easier for the government to spy on foreign phone calls and e-mails that pass through the United States. Bush opposed a temporary extension of the bill, and lawmakers left for a 12-day recess without extending the law.
"Some congressional leaders claim that this will not affect our security," the president said. "They are wrong. Because Congress failed to act, it will be harder for our government to keep you safe from terrorist attack. At midnight, the attorney general and the director of National Intelligence will be stripped of their power to authorize new surveillance against terrorist threats abroad. This means that as terrorists change their tactics to avoid our surveillance, we may not have the tools we need to continue tracking them—and we may lose a vital lead that could prevent an attack on America."
Democrats chose Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse, a former U.S. attorney and attorney general of Rhode Island, to deliver their Saturday radio address on the same subject.
"We know this president dislikes compromise, but this time he has taken his stubborn approach too far," Whitehouse said. "He is whipping up false fears, and creating artificial confrontation. As the president himself said in the Rose Garden, 'There is really no excuse for letting this critical legislation expire. So let's get it done.'
"But the president instead chose political gamesmanship, rejecting a short extension of the Protect America Act that would allow Congress to complete its work," Whitehouse said. "Make no mistake: If the surveillance law expires, if any intelligence loss results, it is President Bush's choice. Period."
White House officials seethed over the fact that the House, rather than passing the eavesdropping bill, approved contempt citations against two Bush confidants, chief of staff Joshua Bolten and former counsel Harriet Miers, over their refusal to cooperate with an investigation into the firings of U.S. attorneys.
"House leaders chose politics over protecting the country—and our country is at greater risk as a result," Bush said.
"My administration will take every step within our power to minimize the damage caused by the House's irresponsible behavior," he said. "Yet it is still urgent that Congress act. The Senate has shown the way by approving a good, bipartisan bill. The House must pass that bill as soon as they return to Washington from their latest recess."
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Kindness, Then Sharp Words, From Clinton
LYNDHURST, Ohio -- Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton smothered Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain with kindness on Friday, then declared her rivals wrong on the issues and vowed to beat both in her quest for the presidency.
She said Obama, her Democratic foe, has run an "extraordinary campaign," and called McCain, the likely Republican nominee, "a man of great heroism."
But she said McCain represents "more of the same" in Iraq, and she cast Obama as an obstacle to universal health care. She also unveiled a tough new ad against Obama, accusing him of dodging debates.
Her remarks came on a day when she characterized herself as the "candidate of, from and for the middle class of America" and endeavored to keep her Democratic coalition in Ohio intact against a hard-charging Obama.
Obama's brochures to voters, she said, "sound like they've been written by the health insurance industry and the Republicans, talking about how we can't possibly get to universal health care."
"My opponent has given up the fight before we've ever started," she told a gathering of Democrats at a party fundraiser outside Akron.
Clinton has relied on working-class Democrats for much of her support in six weeks of presidential primary contests across the country and is counting on them even as Obama racks up important union endorsements.
The former first lady and New York senator is running a three-pronged strategy as she heads into the high-stakes March 4 primaries in Ohio and Texas. She is honing a tough new populist message, she is sharpening her criticism of Obama and she is presenting herself as the candidate who is better schooled in the intricacies of government policy.
"I've never seen a candidate so wealthy in information," Martha Hanon, a retired teacher, gushed to Clinton during a discussion Friday of economic issues in a packed chili restaurant here.
Clinton did show off her grasp of details, easily reciting facts and figures on subjects from foreclosure to foster care. The occasion was a round-table session designed to feature Clinton's proposal to address credit card abuses, but the discussion strayed to a variety of economic issues.
Throughout the day, Clinton demonstrated her new approach and easily slipped from policy to combat.
"We're going to end every single tax break that still exists in the federal tax code that gives one penny of your money to anybody who exports a job. Those days are done," she said, her voice rising. "It is wrong that an investment money manager in Wall Street making $50 million a year gets a lower tax rate than a teacher, a nurse, a truck driver, and autoworker making $50,000 a year."
"You know sometimes I hear people saying on TV or I read in the papers: 'Look she gets so intense, she gets all upset.' Well, you're right, I am upset!"
Later, at a packed high school gym outside Cleveland she repeated what is becoming her standard anti-Obama line.
"There is a big difference between speeches and solutions, between talk and action," she said. "I just believe that if you were hiring a president I would be the one you would hire for the job."
She has even altered Obama's signature chant of hope _ "Yes we can!" _ into one of determination _ "Yes we will!"
Clinton has been especially hitting Obama on health care, saying his proposal wouldn't achieve universal care because he does not require everybody to obtain health insurance. Clinton's plan has such a mandate, Obama's does not. Obama aims to make insurance more affordable by offering government subsidies to those who can't afford it.
She also unveiled a tough ad in Wisconsin on Friday that criticizes Obama for declining to debate her in Wisconsin, although the two have debated nearly a dozen times, and accuses him of "hiding behind false attack ads."
Clinton advisers, conceding Obama's ability to motivate voters, say she needs to distinguish herself from Obama by stressing substance, offering more contrasts with her rival and making a direct appeal to workers.
Clinton is working hard to project herself as a champion of workers who, as she said, is from the middle class. But though she grew up in a middle-class family in Illinois, she also attended elite East Coast colleges, became a lawyer, was the nation's first lady, is now a senator and has enough wealth that she could lend her campaign $5 million.
But Obama, who has relied on a coalition of African-American voters and well-educated upscale Democrats, has been winning labor endorsements that could cut into Clinton's base of core supporters. On Friday, he was endorsed by the Service Employees International Union, a powerful political force with 1.9 million members.
Obama now leads the chase for nomination delegates 1,280-1,218. While Clinton aides have argued the importance of accumulating delegates, they are now beginning to emphasize the significance of the states she has won.
"We've learned there is this binary way that we're deciding who is doing well," said U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y., an informal adviser who was traveling with Clinton. "One is the delegate count and the other is winning states."
Clinton has won large states such as California, New Jersey and her home state of New York. Winning Ohio and Texas would be additional big prizes.
"These are the states that Democrats have to do well in if we're going to win the presidency," Weiner said.
Public polls place Clinton comfortably ahead in Ohio, but Weiner and others predicted that the race would tighten significantly in the state.
LYNDHURST, Ohio -- Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton smothered Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain with kindness on Friday, then declared her rivals wrong on the issues and vowed to beat both in her quest for the presidency.
She said Obama, her Democratic foe, has run an "extraordinary campaign," and called McCain, the likely Republican nominee, "a man of great heroism."
But she said McCain represents "more of the same" in Iraq, and she cast Obama as an obstacle to universal health care. She also unveiled a tough new ad against Obama, accusing him of dodging debates.
Her remarks came on a day when she characterized herself as the "candidate of, from and for the middle class of America" and endeavored to keep her Democratic coalition in Ohio intact against a hard-charging Obama.
Obama's brochures to voters, she said, "sound like they've been written by the health insurance industry and the Republicans, talking about how we can't possibly get to universal health care."
"My opponent has given up the fight before we've ever started," she told a gathering of Democrats at a party fundraiser outside Akron.
Clinton has relied on working-class Democrats for much of her support in six weeks of presidential primary contests across the country and is counting on them even as Obama racks up important union endorsements.
The former first lady and New York senator is running a three-pronged strategy as she heads into the high-stakes March 4 primaries in Ohio and Texas. She is honing a tough new populist message, she is sharpening her criticism of Obama and she is presenting herself as the candidate who is better schooled in the intricacies of government policy.
"I've never seen a candidate so wealthy in information," Martha Hanon, a retired teacher, gushed to Clinton during a discussion Friday of economic issues in a packed chili restaurant here.
Clinton did show off her grasp of details, easily reciting facts and figures on subjects from foreclosure to foster care. The occasion was a round-table session designed to feature Clinton's proposal to address credit card abuses, but the discussion strayed to a variety of economic issues.
Throughout the day, Clinton demonstrated her new approach and easily slipped from policy to combat.
"We're going to end every single tax break that still exists in the federal tax code that gives one penny of your money to anybody who exports a job. Those days are done," she said, her voice rising. "It is wrong that an investment money manager in Wall Street making $50 million a year gets a lower tax rate than a teacher, a nurse, a truck driver, and autoworker making $50,000 a year."
"You know sometimes I hear people saying on TV or I read in the papers: 'Look she gets so intense, she gets all upset.' Well, you're right, I am upset!"
Later, at a packed high school gym outside Cleveland she repeated what is becoming her standard anti-Obama line.
"There is a big difference between speeches and solutions, between talk and action," she said. "I just believe that if you were hiring a president I would be the one you would hire for the job."
She has even altered Obama's signature chant of hope _ "Yes we can!" _ into one of determination _ "Yes we will!"
Clinton has been especially hitting Obama on health care, saying his proposal wouldn't achieve universal care because he does not require everybody to obtain health insurance. Clinton's plan has such a mandate, Obama's does not. Obama aims to make insurance more affordable by offering government subsidies to those who can't afford it.
She also unveiled a tough ad in Wisconsin on Friday that criticizes Obama for declining to debate her in Wisconsin, although the two have debated nearly a dozen times, and accuses him of "hiding behind false attack ads."
Clinton advisers, conceding Obama's ability to motivate voters, say she needs to distinguish herself from Obama by stressing substance, offering more contrasts with her rival and making a direct appeal to workers.
Clinton is working hard to project herself as a champion of workers who, as she said, is from the middle class. But though she grew up in a middle-class family in Illinois, she also attended elite East Coast colleges, became a lawyer, was the nation's first lady, is now a senator and has enough wealth that she could lend her campaign $5 million.
But Obama, who has relied on a coalition of African-American voters and well-educated upscale Democrats, has been winning labor endorsements that could cut into Clinton's base of core supporters. On Friday, he was endorsed by the Service Employees International Union, a powerful political force with 1.9 million members.
Obama now leads the chase for nomination delegates 1,280-1,218. While Clinton aides have argued the importance of accumulating delegates, they are now beginning to emphasize the significance of the states she has won.
"We've learned there is this binary way that we're deciding who is doing well," said U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, D-N.Y., an informal adviser who was traveling with Clinton. "One is the delegate count and the other is winning states."
Clinton has won large states such as California, New Jersey and her home state of New York. Winning Ohio and Texas would be additional big prizes.
"These are the states that Democrats have to do well in if we're going to win the presidency," Weiner said.
Public polls place Clinton comfortably ahead in Ohio, but Weiner and others predicted that the race would tighten significantly in the state.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
It’s Valentine’s Day. What do you call it when Bill and Hillary get together on Valentine’s Day? A fundraiser.
This has not been a good week for Hillary. I guess Bill bought her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day . . . turns out seven of the roses have committed to Michelle Obama.
Mexican President Felipe Calderon is visiting the United States. Before hand he came here, he sent his advance team — all 12 million of them.
Bad news for Roger Clemens. Today he tested positive for B.S.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Jane Fonda Excuses
10. It was nickel beer day at IHOP
9. Seemed like something people would want to hear first thing in the morning
8. Katie Couric used to say it all the time
7. It's not such a bad word when you think about it
6. Roker likes it when I talk dirty
5. It was today's entry on my Word-of-the-Day calendar
4. Too many years listening to Ted Turner
3. Ain't been right since injection from Roger Clemens' trainer
2. That pinhead Lauer dared me
1. Trying to be romantic on Valentine's Day
David Letterman
It’s Valentine’s Day. Here’s what I do on Valentine’s Day. I have my assistant send me a big box of candy so people don’t think I’m a loser.
A woman in California is being studied because she says she remembers everything from the last 12 years. And I’m thinking, “Wait a minute — isn’t that every woman?”
Have you been watching the Roger Clemens congressional hearings? He denies being injected by his trainer. But what I thought was interesting was every time they mentioned “buttocks,” Sen. Larry Craig swooned.
Conan O'Brien
It’s Valentine’s Day. So if you’re watching this show right now, I guess things didn’t go very well.
During this past week, many people have been saying that Barack Obama has an edge over Hillary Clinton because of his wife Michelle. Actually, the only person saying that is Bill Clinton.
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito gave a speech in New Jersey yesterday and he condemned the show "The Sopranos" because he says it makes New Jersey look bad. Which really isn’t true — New Jersey makes New Jersey look bad.
Earlier this week at the Westminster Dog Show, a dog named Uno became the first beagle ever to win Best In Show. To celebrate, the beagle says he plans to drink out of the toilet and party with some bitches.
Craig Ferguson
Bill Clinton had a big Valentine’s Day celebration today, got a fancy hotel room covered in candles and rose petals for the woman he loves . . . then he went home to Hillary.
Valentine’s Day started out as an ancient Roman fertility festival. What would happen is a young nobleman would charge through the street naked, striking people with a leather thong for good luck. It is like a party at Elton John’s house.
Valentines Day ads have been on for a month now. “Get her flowers; send her flowers; she really wants flowers. Flowers or you die. Flowers, flowers, flowers.” Every guy has his own flower strategy, but I prefer the single red rose. Simple, romantic, easy to steal from the cemetery.
Just make sure you rip off the note: “We miss you, Grandpa.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Happy Valentine’s Day. Remember guys — the cheapest way to get flowers is still the cemetery.
President Bush has less than a year left in office. He’s trying to squeeze as many free trips as he can. Today he was in Africa.
He’s meeting with African leaders. Last time he refused to meet with anyone other than Babar the cartoon elephant.
Jay Leno
It’s Valentine’s Day. What do you call it when Bill and Hillary get together on Valentine’s Day? A fundraiser.
This has not been a good week for Hillary. I guess Bill bought her a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day . . . turns out seven of the roses have committed to Michelle Obama.
Mexican President Felipe Calderon is visiting the United States. Before hand he came here, he sent his advance team — all 12 million of them.
Bad news for Roger Clemens. Today he tested positive for B.S.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Jane Fonda Excuses
10. It was nickel beer day at IHOP
9. Seemed like something people would want to hear first thing in the morning
8. Katie Couric used to say it all the time
7. It's not such a bad word when you think about it
6. Roker likes it when I talk dirty
5. It was today's entry on my Word-of-the-Day calendar
4. Too many years listening to Ted Turner
3. Ain't been right since injection from Roger Clemens' trainer
2. That pinhead Lauer dared me
1. Trying to be romantic on Valentine's Day
David Letterman
It’s Valentine’s Day. Here’s what I do on Valentine’s Day. I have my assistant send me a big box of candy so people don’t think I’m a loser.
A woman in California is being studied because she says she remembers everything from the last 12 years. And I’m thinking, “Wait a minute — isn’t that every woman?”
Have you been watching the Roger Clemens congressional hearings? He denies being injected by his trainer. But what I thought was interesting was every time they mentioned “buttocks,” Sen. Larry Craig swooned.
Conan O'Brien
It’s Valentine’s Day. So if you’re watching this show right now, I guess things didn’t go very well.
During this past week, many people have been saying that Barack Obama has an edge over Hillary Clinton because of his wife Michelle. Actually, the only person saying that is Bill Clinton.
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito gave a speech in New Jersey yesterday and he condemned the show "The Sopranos" because he says it makes New Jersey look bad. Which really isn’t true — New Jersey makes New Jersey look bad.
Earlier this week at the Westminster Dog Show, a dog named Uno became the first beagle ever to win Best In Show. To celebrate, the beagle says he plans to drink out of the toilet and party with some bitches.
Craig Ferguson
Bill Clinton had a big Valentine’s Day celebration today, got a fancy hotel room covered in candles and rose petals for the woman he loves . . . then he went home to Hillary.
Valentine’s Day started out as an ancient Roman fertility festival. What would happen is a young nobleman would charge through the street naked, striking people with a leather thong for good luck. It is like a party at Elton John’s house.
Valentines Day ads have been on for a month now. “Get her flowers; send her flowers; she really wants flowers. Flowers or you die. Flowers, flowers, flowers.” Every guy has his own flower strategy, but I prefer the single red rose. Simple, romantic, easy to steal from the cemetery.
Just make sure you rip off the note: “We miss you, Grandpa.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Happy Valentine’s Day. Remember guys — the cheapest way to get flowers is still the cemetery.
President Bush has less than a year left in office. He’s trying to squeeze as many free trips as he can. Today he was in Africa.
He’s meeting with African leaders. Last time he refused to meet with anyone other than Babar the cartoon elephant.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Rocker Tells Huckabee to Lay Off Song
CONCORD, N.H. -- The chief songwriter and founder of the band Boston has more than a feeling that he's being ripped off by Mike Huckabee.
In a letter to the Republican presidential hopeful, Tom Scholz complains that Huckabee is using his 1970s smash hit song "More Than a Feeling" without his permission. A former member of the band, Barry Goudreau, has appeared with Huckabee at campaign events, and they have played the song with Huckabee's band, Capitol Offense.
Scholz, who said Goudreau left the band more than 25 years ago after a three-year stint, objects to the implication that the band and one of its members has endorsed Huckabee's candidacy.
"Boston has never endorsed a political candidate, and will all due respect, would not start by endorsing a candidate who is the polar opposite of most everything Boston stands for," wrote Scholz, adding that he is supporting Democratic Sen. Barack Obama. "By using my song, and my band's name Boston, you have taken something of mine and used it to promote ideas to which I am opposed. In other words, I think I've been ripped off, dude!"
Fred Bramante, who was chairman of Huckabee's New Hampshire campaign, called the allegations ridiculous. He said he attended dozens of Huckabee rallies in New Hampshire and other states and never heard Huckabee play "More Than a Feeling," other than when Goudreau campaigned with him in Iowa in October.
"Governor Huckabee plays 'Sweet Home Alabama.' Does that mean Lynard Skynard is endorsing him? He plays 'Louie Louie.' Does that mean The Kingsmen are endorsing him? To me, it's ridiculous," he said. "Never once has he said, 'The band Boston endorses me.'
Tensions between Scholz and some of the early band members date from the early 1980s, when CBS Inc. sued the band over delays in recording new albums. The company's Epic Records label recorded the band's first two releases: "Boston," in 1976, and "Don't Look Back," in 1978.
Scholz _ who wrote, engineered, and laid down nearly all the instrumental tracks on the first album _ countersued for the rights to the band's name and music. Three members of the original band, including Goudreau, testified for the record company, which lost.
In his letter, Scholz referred to Huckabee as the "straight talk candidate," but that label more often is applied to Sen. John McCain, who has had his own troubles when it comes to his musical playlist. Last week, McCain's campaign agreed to stop playing John Mellencamp's songs "Our Country" and "Pink Houses" at his rallies after the liberal rocker complained.
Mellencamp had supported Democrat John Edwards, who recently dropped out of the race.
Other candidates have had better luck selecting songs. Celine Dion said she was "thrilled" that Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton used her song, "You and I" as her official campaign anthem. Obama frequently blares U2's "City of Blinding Lights" at his events.
CONCORD, N.H. -- The chief songwriter and founder of the band Boston has more than a feeling that he's being ripped off by Mike Huckabee.
In a letter to the Republican presidential hopeful, Tom Scholz complains that Huckabee is using his 1970s smash hit song "More Than a Feeling" without his permission. A former member of the band, Barry Goudreau, has appeared with Huckabee at campaign events, and they have played the song with Huckabee's band, Capitol Offense.
Scholz, who said Goudreau left the band more than 25 years ago after a three-year stint, objects to the implication that the band and one of its members has endorsed Huckabee's candidacy.
"Boston has never endorsed a political candidate, and will all due respect, would not start by endorsing a candidate who is the polar opposite of most everything Boston stands for," wrote Scholz, adding that he is supporting Democratic Sen. Barack Obama. "By using my song, and my band's name Boston, you have taken something of mine and used it to promote ideas to which I am opposed. In other words, I think I've been ripped off, dude!"
Fred Bramante, who was chairman of Huckabee's New Hampshire campaign, called the allegations ridiculous. He said he attended dozens of Huckabee rallies in New Hampshire and other states and never heard Huckabee play "More Than a Feeling," other than when Goudreau campaigned with him in Iowa in October.
"Governor Huckabee plays 'Sweet Home Alabama.' Does that mean Lynard Skynard is endorsing him? He plays 'Louie Louie.' Does that mean The Kingsmen are endorsing him? To me, it's ridiculous," he said. "Never once has he said, 'The band Boston endorses me.'
Tensions between Scholz and some of the early band members date from the early 1980s, when CBS Inc. sued the band over delays in recording new albums. The company's Epic Records label recorded the band's first two releases: "Boston," in 1976, and "Don't Look Back," in 1978.
Scholz _ who wrote, engineered, and laid down nearly all the instrumental tracks on the first album _ countersued for the rights to the band's name and music. Three members of the original band, including Goudreau, testified for the record company, which lost.
In his letter, Scholz referred to Huckabee as the "straight talk candidate," but that label more often is applied to Sen. John McCain, who has had his own troubles when it comes to his musical playlist. Last week, McCain's campaign agreed to stop playing John Mellencamp's songs "Our Country" and "Pink Houses" at his rallies after the liberal rocker complained.
Mellencamp had supported Democrat John Edwards, who recently dropped out of the race.
Other candidates have had better luck selecting songs. Celine Dion said she was "thrilled" that Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton used her song, "You and I" as her official campaign anthem. Obama frequently blares U2's "City of Blinding Lights" at his events.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Not a good night for Hillary Clinton. She got the pantsuit beaten off of her.
Barack Obama now considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her.
As you know, Barack has won the last eight primaries. I haven’t seen hillary this worried since they opened a Hooters in Chappaqua.
Actually they say the race between Barack and Hillary could be decided by the voters of Texas. Texas! Which is a comfort — when it comes to providing smart politicians, Texas is the place you want to be.
David Letterman
Lot of rain today. So rainy, Amy Winehouse’s hair jumped up and shook itself dry.
How about the presidential race? Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. Indications are she getting a little nervous, maybe a little desperate. Earlier today, she showed up wearing a painted-on pantsuit.
How about that Mitt Romney? I’m going to miss him. He’s like the archaeologist who ignored the curse of the mummy’s tomb.
Conan O'Brien
Big news for us, the writers' strike is finally over. While our writers were gone, Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama all declared their support for the writers' strike. Meanwhile, President Bush announced he’s in favor of a readers' strike.
Sen. Hillary Clinton has now lost eight primaries in a row to Barack Obama. Hillary dismissed Obama’s success by saying, "He’s only winning states with a huge African-American population — like Maine."
After John McCain swept yesterday’s primaries, he purposely stole a line Barack Obama’s been using: "I’m fired up and ready to go." When Obama heard this, he stole a line McCain’s been using: "I’m old and not sure where I am."
This week a man in Florida was arrested for hitting the manager of a Taco Bell in the face with a bag full of Tacos. Afterwards, the Taco Bell manager said, “It’s weird, my tacos usually don’t attack me until I’m in the bathroom.”
Craig Ferguson
There is a massive winter storm over in New York. How cold is it? Donald Trump is taking precautions; he is wearing three toupees.
The Westminster Dog Show was on TV last night. I thought it was on last week, but then I realized no I was watching “Sex and the City.”
Westminster Dog Show is the granddaddy of them all. It is the Oscars of dog shows. It's just like the Oscars, except the speeches are shorter and slightly less butt-sniffing.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The writers’ strike is over! I’m just excited to get new episodes of “Army Wives” back.
Another gift from the comedy gods: Baseball great Roger Clemens sat in front of Congress today, to answer questions about whether or not he used performance-enhancing drugs. Clemens says he didn’t; his former trainer says he did. I might be the only one who believes them both.
I only know this: I watched this thing for three hours and I have not heard the word buttocks used so often in congressional hearings since the last time Oliver North showed up wearing a banana hammock.
They’re very focused on buttocks because it takes their minds off the economy and the war and all that other stuff.
Jay Leno
Not a good night for Hillary Clinton. She got the pantsuit beaten off of her.
Barack Obama now considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her.
As you know, Barack has won the last eight primaries. I haven’t seen hillary this worried since they opened a Hooters in Chappaqua.
Actually they say the race between Barack and Hillary could be decided by the voters of Texas. Texas! Which is a comfort — when it comes to providing smart politicians, Texas is the place you want to be.
David Letterman
Lot of rain today. So rainy, Amy Winehouse’s hair jumped up and shook itself dry.
How about the presidential race? Hillary Clinton is trailing Barack Obama. Indications are she getting a little nervous, maybe a little desperate. Earlier today, she showed up wearing a painted-on pantsuit.
How about that Mitt Romney? I’m going to miss him. He’s like the archaeologist who ignored the curse of the mummy’s tomb.
Conan O'Brien
Big news for us, the writers' strike is finally over. While our writers were gone, Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama all declared their support for the writers' strike. Meanwhile, President Bush announced he’s in favor of a readers' strike.
Sen. Hillary Clinton has now lost eight primaries in a row to Barack Obama. Hillary dismissed Obama’s success by saying, "He’s only winning states with a huge African-American population — like Maine."
After John McCain swept yesterday’s primaries, he purposely stole a line Barack Obama’s been using: "I’m fired up and ready to go." When Obama heard this, he stole a line McCain’s been using: "I’m old and not sure where I am."
This week a man in Florida was arrested for hitting the manager of a Taco Bell in the face with a bag full of Tacos. Afterwards, the Taco Bell manager said, “It’s weird, my tacos usually don’t attack me until I’m in the bathroom.”
Craig Ferguson
There is a massive winter storm over in New York. How cold is it? Donald Trump is taking precautions; he is wearing three toupees.
The Westminster Dog Show was on TV last night. I thought it was on last week, but then I realized no I was watching “Sex and the City.”
Westminster Dog Show is the granddaddy of them all. It is the Oscars of dog shows. It's just like the Oscars, except the speeches are shorter and slightly less butt-sniffing.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The writers’ strike is over! I’m just excited to get new episodes of “Army Wives” back.
Another gift from the comedy gods: Baseball great Roger Clemens sat in front of Congress today, to answer questions about whether or not he used performance-enhancing drugs. Clemens says he didn’t; his former trainer says he did. I might be the only one who believes them both.
I only know this: I watched this thing for three hours and I have not heard the word buttocks used so often in congressional hearings since the last time Oliver North showed up wearing a banana hammock.
They’re very focused on buttocks because it takes their minds off the economy and the war and all that other stuff.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Awkward moment in Hillary Clinton’s campaign. I guess she told her staff to call Democrats with money, and they called Barack Obama.
They did a poll on whether Bill’s campaigning for Hillary helped her or hurt her. Well, 38 percent thought it helped; 36 percent thought it hurt. Then 26 percent said, “He never told me he was married!”
The government is now going to hand out rebate checks to try to restore confidence in the U.S. economy. The bad news is, half the people want the money in euros, and half want the money in pesos.
An earthquake hit Mexico yesterday. Fortunately, they were all in L.A. at the time.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Abraham Lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today
10. This guy is hilarious, but seriously, who's your president?
9. I'd like to "emancipate" Angelina Jolie
8. Sweet merciful Lord, these Applebee's riblets are delicious
7. I hope the writers' strike is over! I need my "Desperate Housewives"
6. The framers of the Constitution would care less about who injected what in their ass
5. I'm here to unite our great nation over unbelievable deals on brand-name mattresses
4. Good heavens, McCain is still around?
3. What's with the freakishly short hats?
2. Speaking of ancient dead guys, how's Letterman doing?
1. Seriously, what the hell is happening on "Lost"?
David Letterman
Cold today in New York City. So cold, Leona Helmsley left $12 million to a polar bear.
So cold, Al Gore wasn’t answering his phone.
So cold, that thing on Amy Winehouse’s head went into hibernation.
So cold, Amy Winehouse was letting people live in her hair.
Craig Ferguson
Bad news for Hillary Clinton. She’s lost more primaries! She’s calling her supporters to let them know her campaign is not in financial trouble. The embarrassing part is she’s calling them collect.
Earlier today Hillary promised that her husband wouldn’t be involved in any sex scandals if she were elected president. Also today, Bill Clinton backed Barack Obama.
It’s National Pancake Day! To celebrate, the International House of Pancakes, IHOP, is giving away pancakes until 10 p.m. I went earlier but some bastard had eaten all the pancakes. Damn you, Drew Carey!
Jay Leno
Awkward moment in Hillary Clinton’s campaign. I guess she told her staff to call Democrats with money, and they called Barack Obama.
They did a poll on whether Bill’s campaigning for Hillary helped her or hurt her. Well, 38 percent thought it helped; 36 percent thought it hurt. Then 26 percent said, “He never told me he was married!”
The government is now going to hand out rebate checks to try to restore confidence in the U.S. economy. The bad news is, half the people want the money in euros, and half want the money in pesos.
An earthquake hit Mexico yesterday. Fortunately, they were all in L.A. at the time.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Abraham Lincoln Would Say If He Were Alive Today
10. This guy is hilarious, but seriously, who's your president?
9. I'd like to "emancipate" Angelina Jolie
8. Sweet merciful Lord, these Applebee's riblets are delicious
7. I hope the writers' strike is over! I need my "Desperate Housewives"
6. The framers of the Constitution would care less about who injected what in their ass
5. I'm here to unite our great nation over unbelievable deals on brand-name mattresses
4. Good heavens, McCain is still around?
3. What's with the freakishly short hats?
2. Speaking of ancient dead guys, how's Letterman doing?
1. Seriously, what the hell is happening on "Lost"?
David Letterman
Cold today in New York City. So cold, Leona Helmsley left $12 million to a polar bear.
So cold, Al Gore wasn’t answering his phone.
So cold, that thing on Amy Winehouse’s head went into hibernation.
So cold, Amy Winehouse was letting people live in her hair.
Craig Ferguson
Bad news for Hillary Clinton. She’s lost more primaries! She’s calling her supporters to let them know her campaign is not in financial trouble. The embarrassing part is she’s calling them collect.
Earlier today Hillary promised that her husband wouldn’t be involved in any sex scandals if she were elected president. Also today, Bill Clinton backed Barack Obama.
It’s National Pancake Day! To celebrate, the International House of Pancakes, IHOP, is giving away pancakes until 10 p.m. I went earlier but some bastard had eaten all the pancakes. Damn you, Drew Carey!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Candidates Donate to Superdelegates
WASHINGTON -- Campaign committees controlled by Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton have donated at least $890,000 to the campaigns of superdelegates, according to a report by a group that tracks money in politics.
Obama donated the largest amount, about $694,000, to those campaigns in the past three years, according to the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics. Clinton donated $195,500.
Both campaigns are furiously lobbying for support among the Democratic Party's nearly 800 superdelegates, who will be free to support whomever they choose at the convention, regardless of the outcome of the primaries. Superdelegates include all Democratic members of Congress, Democratic governors and other party officials.
If the candidates continue to split delegates in the primaries, superdelegates could decide the nominee. It takes 2,025 delegates to win the nomination.
"People put a lot of trust in their elected officials to represent them," said Massie Ritsch, spokesman for the Center for Responsive Politics. "It would be particularly unpalatable if money seemed to be a factor in who ultimately got the nomination."
On Thursday, the delegate count stood at 1,276 for Obama and 1,220 for Clinton after the Democratic National Committee released an updated list of superdelegates that dropped supporters of both candidates.
Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin, an Obama supporter, is no longer a superdelegate because she left her position with National Conference of Democratic Mayors. Rep. Tom Lantos of California, who died Monday, also was removed from the list. He had endorsed Clinton.
Spokesmen for Obama and Clinton said donations were not used to gain endorsements from superdelegates.
"Obviously, Senator Obama has fought hard for the Democratic Party, donating to Democratic candidates, raising money for Democratic candidates and traveling to events to help build the party all over the country," Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton said.
The study tracked donations received by members of Congress from the candidates' leadership PACs and from their candidate committees. It tracked donations made to governors by examining the presidential candidates' expenditures.
Among the findings:
_ Since 2005, Obama's committees gave $228,000 to superdelegates who have endorsed him, $363,900 to those who were still undecided, and $102,400 to those who have endorsed Clinton.
_Clinton's committee's gave $95,000 to superdelegates who have endorsed her, $88,000 to those who were still neutral, and $12,500 to those who have endorsed Obama.
WASHINGTON -- Campaign committees controlled by Sens. Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton have donated at least $890,000 to the campaigns of superdelegates, according to a report by a group that tracks money in politics.
Obama donated the largest amount, about $694,000, to those campaigns in the past three years, according to the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics. Clinton donated $195,500.
Both campaigns are furiously lobbying for support among the Democratic Party's nearly 800 superdelegates, who will be free to support whomever they choose at the convention, regardless of the outcome of the primaries. Superdelegates include all Democratic members of Congress, Democratic governors and other party officials.
If the candidates continue to split delegates in the primaries, superdelegates could decide the nominee. It takes 2,025 delegates to win the nomination.
"People put a lot of trust in their elected officials to represent them," said Massie Ritsch, spokesman for the Center for Responsive Politics. "It would be particularly unpalatable if money seemed to be a factor in who ultimately got the nomination."
On Thursday, the delegate count stood at 1,276 for Obama and 1,220 for Clinton after the Democratic National Committee released an updated list of superdelegates that dropped supporters of both candidates.
Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin, an Obama supporter, is no longer a superdelegate because she left her position with National Conference of Democratic Mayors. Rep. Tom Lantos of California, who died Monday, also was removed from the list. He had endorsed Clinton.
Spokesmen for Obama and Clinton said donations were not used to gain endorsements from superdelegates.
"Obviously, Senator Obama has fought hard for the Democratic Party, donating to Democratic candidates, raising money for Democratic candidates and traveling to events to help build the party all over the country," Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton said.
The study tracked donations received by members of Congress from the candidates' leadership PACs and from their candidate committees. It tracked donations made to governors by examining the presidential candidates' expenditures.
Among the findings:
_ Since 2005, Obama's committees gave $228,000 to superdelegates who have endorsed him, $363,900 to those who were still undecided, and $102,400 to those who have endorsed Clinton.
_Clinton's committee's gave $95,000 to superdelegates who have endorsed her, $88,000 to those who were still neutral, and $12,500 to those who have endorsed Obama.
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Yesterday, Hillary’s female campaign manager resigned. You know what that means — Bill got caught again.
Newsweek estimates that Bill Clinton made between 10 and 15 million dollars last year for speaking engagements. That explains why Hillary never speaks to him anymore — she can’t afford it.
As to why he’s still in the race, Mike Huckabee said, “I have nothing else to do.” So it sounds like he really is running for vice president.
Republicans say John McCain is good for business. They didn’t say what business, but I’m guessing the Scooter Store, Doane’s Pills, Craftmatic Adjustable Bed . . .
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Answers To The Question
10. "How Cold Is It?"
9. It's so cold, Donald Trump's hair was shivering and rubbing its paws together
8. It's so cold, in New York City there are more polar bears than rats
7. It's so cold, Democrats are calling for an end to our dependence on foreign cocoa
6. It's so cold, ABC is debuting a new reality series, "Defrosting With The Stars"
5. It's so cold, Matthew McConaughey actually put on a shirt
4. No number 5 — writer suffering hypothermia
3. It's so cold, Romney changed his first name to Mitten
2. It's so cold, Apple just introduced iScarf
1. It's so cold, Barack Obama is campaigning in Puerto Vallarta
David Letterman
Cold here in New York City. So cold, Roger Clemens got injected with hot soup.
So cold, New York Nicks fans stayed for the entire game.
So cold, Donald trump had chapped hair.
Speaking of hair, Amy Winehouse’s hair went into rehab.
Craig Ferguson
Last night, Barack Obama won a Grammy for his audio book. He’s on a roll! “What did you do over the weekend?” “I won four primaries and a Grammy.”
He beat four nominees, including Bill Clinton’s audio book. Barack Obama beating a Clinton? They’re getting kind of used to that.
I’ve heard Bill’s audio book — it’s not that good. it’s two hours of heavy breathing.
Amy Winehouse won five Grammys! She wasn’t there. She couldn’t get a visa for her drugs.
Jay Leno
Yesterday, Hillary’s female campaign manager resigned. You know what that means — Bill got caught again.
Newsweek estimates that Bill Clinton made between 10 and 15 million dollars last year for speaking engagements. That explains why Hillary never speaks to him anymore — she can’t afford it.
As to why he’s still in the race, Mike Huckabee said, “I have nothing else to do.” So it sounds like he really is running for vice president.
Republicans say John McCain is good for business. They didn’t say what business, but I’m guessing the Scooter Store, Doane’s Pills, Craftmatic Adjustable Bed . . .
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Answers To The Question
10. "How Cold Is It?"
9. It's so cold, Donald Trump's hair was shivering and rubbing its paws together
8. It's so cold, in New York City there are more polar bears than rats
7. It's so cold, Democrats are calling for an end to our dependence on foreign cocoa
6. It's so cold, ABC is debuting a new reality series, "Defrosting With The Stars"
5. It's so cold, Matthew McConaughey actually put on a shirt
4. No number 5 — writer suffering hypothermia
3. It's so cold, Romney changed his first name to Mitten
2. It's so cold, Apple just introduced iScarf
1. It's so cold, Barack Obama is campaigning in Puerto Vallarta
David Letterman
Cold here in New York City. So cold, Roger Clemens got injected with hot soup.
So cold, New York Nicks fans stayed for the entire game.
So cold, Donald trump had chapped hair.
Speaking of hair, Amy Winehouse’s hair went into rehab.
Craig Ferguson
Last night, Barack Obama won a Grammy for his audio book. He’s on a roll! “What did you do over the weekend?” “I won four primaries and a Grammy.”
He beat four nominees, including Bill Clinton’s audio book. Barack Obama beating a Clinton? They’re getting kind of used to that.
I’ve heard Bill’s audio book — it’s not that good. it’s two hours of heavy breathing.
Amy Winehouse won five Grammys! She wasn’t there. She couldn’t get a visa for her drugs.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Huckabee Intends to Stay In
WASHINGTON -- Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee is resisting calls from some Republicans for him to abandon his presidential campaign.
Huckabee, who is trailing Sen. John McCain substantially in the hunt for delegates, said Monday that "the goal is to win, and nobody has 1,191 delegates yet."
Appearing in an interview on CNN, he said he won't step aside "as long as my guys are still waving the pom-poms."
Huckabee told NBC's "Today" show that "it's not a healthy thing for our party to sort of become lethargic, say it's (the presidential race) is over, have a coronation."
WASHINGTON -- Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee is resisting calls from some Republicans for him to abandon his presidential campaign.
Huckabee, who is trailing Sen. John McCain substantially in the hunt for delegates, said Monday that "the goal is to win, and nobody has 1,191 delegates yet."
Appearing in an interview on CNN, he said he won't step aside "as long as my guys are still waving the pom-poms."
Huckabee told NBC's "Today" show that "it's not a healthy thing for our party to sort of become lethargic, say it's (the presidential race) is over, have a coronation."
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Romney Wins Conservatives' Straw Poll
WASHINGTON -- Talk about cold comfort.
Mitt Romney, who dropped out of the Republican presidential race on Thursday, won a straw poll of conservative activists on Saturday, edging out likely nominee John McCain.
Ballots for the straw poll conducted at the Conservatives Political Action Conference were collected Thursday morning through Friday afternoon. Romney, the former Massachusetts governor, quit the race in a midday speech to the conference on Thursday.
In the straw poll vote, Romney got 35 percent and McCain 34 percent. Mike Huckabee and Rep. Ron Paul of Texas tied with 12 percent.
Romney won the straw poll at the conference last year.
On another question, two-thirds said they would vote for McCain if he's the eventual nominee, two in 10 said they would vote for someone else and about one in 10 said they would not vote.
WASHINGTON -- Talk about cold comfort.
Mitt Romney, who dropped out of the Republican presidential race on Thursday, won a straw poll of conservative activists on Saturday, edging out likely nominee John McCain.
Ballots for the straw poll conducted at the Conservatives Political Action Conference were collected Thursday morning through Friday afternoon. Romney, the former Massachusetts governor, quit the race in a midday speech to the conference on Thursday.
In the straw poll vote, Romney got 35 percent and McCain 34 percent. Mike Huckabee and Rep. Ron Paul of Texas tied with 12 percent.
Romney won the straw poll at the conference last year.
On another question, two-thirds said they would vote for McCain if he's the eventual nominee, two in 10 said they would vote for someone else and about one in 10 said they would not vote.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Ann Coulter: I'm a Hillary Girl
By: Philip V. Brennan
Because Republicans are nominating what she calls an "open-borders, anti-tax cut, anti-free speech, global-warming hysteric, pro-human experimentation 'Republican' — which is to say a Democrat," Ann Coulter's alternative to John McCain is either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.
While the onetime "Goldwater girl" says she's deserting the GOP this time around, she doesn't exactly swoon over Hillary, warning that "If Hillary is elected president, we'll have a four-year disaster," which is what Coulter wants because it would revive the GOP and win back the White House four years later.
"With Republicans ferociously opposing her," Ann says, it would bring "Republicans zooming back into power, as we did in 1980 and 1994, and 2000. I also predict more Oval Office incidents with female interns."
Hillary, however, is not the target of her newest column — It is John McCain she's after:
"As the expression goes, given a choice between a Democrat and a Democrat, voters will always choose the Democrat. The only question remaining is: Hillary or Obama?"
"On the litmus test issues of our time, only partially excluding Iraq, McCain is a liberal."
"He excoriated Samuel Alito as too 'conservative.'"
"He promoted amnesty for 20 million illegal immigrants."
"He abridged citizens' free speech (in favor of the media) with McCain-Feingold."
"He hysterically opposes waterboarding terrorists and wants to shut down Guantanamo."
"He denounced the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth."
"He opposes ANWR and supports the global warming cult, even posturing with fellow mountebank Arnold Schwarzenegger in front of solar panels."
"The only site that would have been more appropriate for Schwarzenegger in endorsing McCain would have been in front of an abortion clinic," she added.
There was lots more but the above suffices to suggest that Ann doesn't think all that highly of John McCain.
Electing Hillary she suggests would result in the GOP coming back in 2012. Electing McCain on the other hand would ruin the Republican Party.
"If McCain is elected president, we'll have a four-year disaster, with the Republicans in Congress co-opted by 'our' president, followed by 30 years of Democratic rule," Ann concludes.
"There's your choice, America, " she wrote.
By: Philip V. Brennan
Because Republicans are nominating what she calls an "open-borders, anti-tax cut, anti-free speech, global-warming hysteric, pro-human experimentation 'Republican' — which is to say a Democrat," Ann Coulter's alternative to John McCain is either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.
While the onetime "Goldwater girl" says she's deserting the GOP this time around, she doesn't exactly swoon over Hillary, warning that "If Hillary is elected president, we'll have a four-year disaster," which is what Coulter wants because it would revive the GOP and win back the White House four years later.
"With Republicans ferociously opposing her," Ann says, it would bring "Republicans zooming back into power, as we did in 1980 and 1994, and 2000. I also predict more Oval Office incidents with female interns."
Hillary, however, is not the target of her newest column — It is John McCain she's after:
"As the expression goes, given a choice between a Democrat and a Democrat, voters will always choose the Democrat. The only question remaining is: Hillary or Obama?"
"On the litmus test issues of our time, only partially excluding Iraq, McCain is a liberal."
"He excoriated Samuel Alito as too 'conservative.'"
"He promoted amnesty for 20 million illegal immigrants."
"He abridged citizens' free speech (in favor of the media) with McCain-Feingold."
"He hysterically opposes waterboarding terrorists and wants to shut down Guantanamo."
"He denounced the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth."
"He opposes ANWR and supports the global warming cult, even posturing with fellow mountebank Arnold Schwarzenegger in front of solar panels."
"The only site that would have been more appropriate for Schwarzenegger in endorsing McCain would have been in front of an abortion clinic," she added.
There was lots more but the above suffices to suggest that Ann doesn't think all that highly of John McCain.
Electing Hillary she suggests would result in the GOP coming back in 2012. Electing McCain on the other hand would ruin the Republican Party.
"If McCain is elected president, we'll have a four-year disaster, with the Republicans in Congress co-opted by 'our' president, followed by 30 years of Democratic rule," Ann concludes.
"There's your choice, America, " she wrote.
Labels: HC
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Amazing how quickly things change in politics. I was discussing it this morning with my driver, Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney threw in the monogrammed towel.
That leaves McCain and Huckabee. The old guy and the preacher. Which brings up the philosophical question: Which one is closer to God?
Hillary Clinton has the support of Bill Clinton, L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, and San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, or as she calls them, the party unfaithful.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You Won't Be Winning A Grammy
10. Your CD is used to torture Gitmo detainees
9. Closest you've been to the music industry is when a drunk mistook you for Ruben Studdard
8. You're like Amy Winehouse, only less talented and crazier
7. There is no categroy for Outstanding Tambourine Solo
6. After your songs are downloaded, iTunes e-mails a receipt and an apology
5. Your single is 4 minutes of "Testing one, two..testing one, two, three..."
4. Up against Diddy for "Best Diddy"
3. Band's name: Mike & The Huckabees (We could also have accepted Mitt & The Romneys)
2. Your album just went aluminum — Hi-ohhhh!
1. Who gives a crap? The Giants kicked Patriot Ass!
David Letterman
Fashion Week this week. Hillary Clinton was wearing her strapless pantsuit.
Rudy Giuliani is announcing his own line of clothing. It comes apart at the seams.
How about that Mitt Romney? He looks like a doctor with a miracle cure for arthritis.
He looks like a lawyer in a Yellow Pages ad.
Conan O'Brien
President Bush says during his last year in office, he will visit more countries than in any other year of his presidency. He says he will accomplish all of this in one weekend by going to EPCOT Center.
Last week, prison guards had to use tear gas to break up prison riots in New Jersey. When the tear gas didn’t work, the guards sprayed the prisoners with New Jersey air.
Craig Ferguson
Happy birthday to Gary Coleman. He turns 40! It seems like just yesterday he was only this tall.
Martin Scorsese, the director, unveiled his new movie about The Rolling Stones. It’s called “Old Fellas.”
I feel sorry for Amy Winehouse. All that fame and money . . . no wonder she’s gone a little crackie.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I went to see “Cloverfield,” and during the movie, I had to go to the bathroom. Holding court in the men’s room was Ron Jeremy, adult film star. He was complaining about how disgusting the movie was. All I could think was, “Are you kidding me? How disgusting this movie was? Have you ever seen one of your own?”
Democrats are split pretty evenly between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I say, when in doubt let your favorite celebrity decide for you. I usually vote for whomever Cher is voting for.
Jay Leno
Amazing how quickly things change in politics. I was discussing it this morning with my driver, Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney threw in the monogrammed towel.
That leaves McCain and Huckabee. The old guy and the preacher. Which brings up the philosophical question: Which one is closer to God?
Hillary Clinton has the support of Bill Clinton, L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, and San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, or as she calls them, the party unfaithful.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You Won't Be Winning A Grammy
10. Your CD is used to torture Gitmo detainees
9. Closest you've been to the music industry is when a drunk mistook you for Ruben Studdard
8. You're like Amy Winehouse, only less talented and crazier
7. There is no categroy for Outstanding Tambourine Solo
6. After your songs are downloaded, iTunes e-mails a receipt and an apology
5. Your single is 4 minutes of "Testing one, two..testing one, two, three..."
4. Up against Diddy for "Best Diddy"
3. Band's name: Mike & The Huckabees (We could also have accepted Mitt & The Romneys)
2. Your album just went aluminum — Hi-ohhhh!
1. Who gives a crap? The Giants kicked Patriot Ass!
David Letterman
Fashion Week this week. Hillary Clinton was wearing her strapless pantsuit.
Rudy Giuliani is announcing his own line of clothing. It comes apart at the seams.
How about that Mitt Romney? He looks like a doctor with a miracle cure for arthritis.
He looks like a lawyer in a Yellow Pages ad.
Conan O'Brien
President Bush says during his last year in office, he will visit more countries than in any other year of his presidency. He says he will accomplish all of this in one weekend by going to EPCOT Center.
Last week, prison guards had to use tear gas to break up prison riots in New Jersey. When the tear gas didn’t work, the guards sprayed the prisoners with New Jersey air.
Craig Ferguson
Happy birthday to Gary Coleman. He turns 40! It seems like just yesterday he was only this tall.
Martin Scorsese, the director, unveiled his new movie about The Rolling Stones. It’s called “Old Fellas.”
I feel sorry for Amy Winehouse. All that fame and money . . . no wonder she’s gone a little crackie.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I went to see “Cloverfield,” and during the movie, I had to go to the bathroom. Holding court in the men’s room was Ron Jeremy, adult film star. He was complaining about how disgusting the movie was. All I could think was, “Are you kidding me? How disgusting this movie was? Have you ever seen one of your own?”
Democrats are split pretty evenly between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I say, when in doubt let your favorite celebrity decide for you. I usually vote for whomever Cher is voting for.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Romney's Withdrawal Speech
Excerpts of Republican Mitt Romney's speech Thursday to the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, in which he announced he was suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, as transcribed by CQ Transcriptions.
Now, last year _ last year CPAC gave me the send-off I needed. At the time, I was in single digits in the polls, and I was facing household names in the Republican contest. As of today, more than 4 million people have given me their vote for president. That's good, yes.
That's, of course, less than Senator McCain's 4.7 million, but quite a statement, nonetheless.
Eleven states have given me their nod, compared to his 13. Thank you to those 11.
Of course, because size does matter, he's doing quite a bit better with the number of delegates he's got.
Now, to all of you, thank you, here, for caring enough about America to show up, to speak up, to stand up for conservative principles.
As I said to you last year, conservative principles are needed now more than ever. We face a new generation of challenges: challenges which threaten our prosperity, our security and our future.
I'm convinced that unless America changes course, we could become the France of the 21st century.
Still a great nation, but not the leader of the world, not the superpower. And to me that's unthinkable.
And finally, let's consider the greatest challenge facing America, and for that matter facing the entire civilized world: the threat of radical, violent jihad.
As you know, in one wing of the world of Islam there's a conviction that all governments should be destroyed and replaced by a religious caliphate. These jihadists will battle any form of democracy because to them democracy is blasphemous, because it says that citizens, not God, shape the law. They find the idea of human equality to be equally offensive. They hate everything we believe about freedom just as we hate everything they believe about radical jihad.
To battle this threat, we've sent the most courageous and brave soldiers in the world.
But their numbers have been depleted by the Clinton years, when troops were reduced by 500,000, when almost 80 ships were retired from our Navy, and when our human intelligence was slashed by 25 percent.
We were told we were getting a peace dividend. We got the dividend; we didn't get the peace.
In the face of evil and radical jihad, and given the inevitable military ambitions of China, we must act to rebuild our military might, raise military spending to 4 percent of our GDP, purchase the most modern armament, reshape our fighting forces for the asymmetric demands we now face, and give the veterans the care they deserve.
Soon the face of liberalism in America will have a new name. Whether it's Barack or Hillary, the result would be the same if they were to be able to...
(BOOING)
... if they were to be able to win the presidency. The opponents of American culture would push the throttle, devising new justifications for judges to depart from the Constitution. And economic neophytes would layer heavier and heavier burdens on employers and families, slowing our economy, opening the way for foreign competition to further erode our lead.
Even though we face an uphill fight, I know that many in this room are fully behind my campaign.
AUDIENCE: Mitt! Mitt! Mitt! Mitt!
ROMNEY: You are with me all the way to the convention. Fight on, just like Ronald Reagan did in 1976.
But there is an important difference from 1976. Today we are a nation at war. And Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror: They would retreat, declare defeat.
And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that would make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child's play. About this, I have no doubt.
Now, I disagree with Senator McCain on a number of issues, as you know.
But I agree with him on doing whatever it takes to be successful in Iraq, and finding and executing Osama bin Laden.
And I agree with him on eliminating al-Qaida and terror worldwide.
Now, if I fight on, in my campaign, all the way to the convention ... I want you to know, I've given this a lot of thought _ I'd forestall the launch of a national campaign and, frankly, I'd make it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win.
Frankly, in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.
This isn't an easy decision. I hate to lose.
My family, my friends, you, my supporters across the country, you've given a great deal to get me to where I have a shot to becoming president. If this were only about me, I'd go on. But it's never been only about me.
I entered this race _ I entered this race because I love America. And because I love America, in this time of war, I feel I have to now stand aside for our party and for our country.
AUDIENCE: No! No!
ROMNEY: You guys are great.
I will continue to stand for conservative principles. I'll fight alongside you for all the things we believe in. And one of the things we believe in is that we cannot allow the next president of the United States to retreat in the face of evil extremism.
It is the common task of each generation and the burden of liberty to preserve this country, expand its freedoms and renew its spirit, so that its noble past is prologue to its glorious future.
To this task, accepting this burden, we're all dedicated. And I firmly believe, by the providence of the Almighty, that we will succeed beyond our fondest hope.
America must always remain, as it has always been, the hope of the Earth.
Thank you so very much. I love you. Thank you.
Excerpts of Republican Mitt Romney's speech Thursday to the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, in which he announced he was suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination, as transcribed by CQ Transcriptions.
Now, last year _ last year CPAC gave me the send-off I needed. At the time, I was in single digits in the polls, and I was facing household names in the Republican contest. As of today, more than 4 million people have given me their vote for president. That's good, yes.
That's, of course, less than Senator McCain's 4.7 million, but quite a statement, nonetheless.
Eleven states have given me their nod, compared to his 13. Thank you to those 11.
Of course, because size does matter, he's doing quite a bit better with the number of delegates he's got.
Now, to all of you, thank you, here, for caring enough about America to show up, to speak up, to stand up for conservative principles.
As I said to you last year, conservative principles are needed now more than ever. We face a new generation of challenges: challenges which threaten our prosperity, our security and our future.
I'm convinced that unless America changes course, we could become the France of the 21st century.
Still a great nation, but not the leader of the world, not the superpower. And to me that's unthinkable.
And finally, let's consider the greatest challenge facing America, and for that matter facing the entire civilized world: the threat of radical, violent jihad.
As you know, in one wing of the world of Islam there's a conviction that all governments should be destroyed and replaced by a religious caliphate. These jihadists will battle any form of democracy because to them democracy is blasphemous, because it says that citizens, not God, shape the law. They find the idea of human equality to be equally offensive. They hate everything we believe about freedom just as we hate everything they believe about radical jihad.
To battle this threat, we've sent the most courageous and brave soldiers in the world.
But their numbers have been depleted by the Clinton years, when troops were reduced by 500,000, when almost 80 ships were retired from our Navy, and when our human intelligence was slashed by 25 percent.
We were told we were getting a peace dividend. We got the dividend; we didn't get the peace.
In the face of evil and radical jihad, and given the inevitable military ambitions of China, we must act to rebuild our military might, raise military spending to 4 percent of our GDP, purchase the most modern armament, reshape our fighting forces for the asymmetric demands we now face, and give the veterans the care they deserve.
Soon the face of liberalism in America will have a new name. Whether it's Barack or Hillary, the result would be the same if they were to be able to...
(BOOING)
... if they were to be able to win the presidency. The opponents of American culture would push the throttle, devising new justifications for judges to depart from the Constitution. And economic neophytes would layer heavier and heavier burdens on employers and families, slowing our economy, opening the way for foreign competition to further erode our lead.
Even though we face an uphill fight, I know that many in this room are fully behind my campaign.
AUDIENCE: Mitt! Mitt! Mitt! Mitt!
ROMNEY: You are with me all the way to the convention. Fight on, just like Ronald Reagan did in 1976.
But there is an important difference from 1976. Today we are a nation at war. And Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror: They would retreat, declare defeat.
And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that would make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child's play. About this, I have no doubt.
Now, I disagree with Senator McCain on a number of issues, as you know.
But I agree with him on doing whatever it takes to be successful in Iraq, and finding and executing Osama bin Laden.
And I agree with him on eliminating al-Qaida and terror worldwide.
Now, if I fight on, in my campaign, all the way to the convention ... I want you to know, I've given this a lot of thought _ I'd forestall the launch of a national campaign and, frankly, I'd make it easier for Senator Clinton or Obama to win.
Frankly, in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.
This isn't an easy decision. I hate to lose.
My family, my friends, you, my supporters across the country, you've given a great deal to get me to where I have a shot to becoming president. If this were only about me, I'd go on. But it's never been only about me.
I entered this race _ I entered this race because I love America. And because I love America, in this time of war, I feel I have to now stand aside for our party and for our country.
AUDIENCE: No! No!
ROMNEY: You guys are great.
I will continue to stand for conservative principles. I'll fight alongside you for all the things we believe in. And one of the things we believe in is that we cannot allow the next president of the United States to retreat in the face of evil extremism.
It is the common task of each generation and the burden of liberty to preserve this country, expand its freedoms and renew its spirit, so that its noble past is prologue to its glorious future.
To this task, accepting this burden, we're all dedicated. And I firmly believe, by the providence of the Almighty, that we will succeed beyond our fondest hope.
America must always remain, as it has always been, the hope of the Earth.
Thank you so very much. I love you. Thank you.
