Friday, February 22, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
The New York Times says that John McCain had a close, personal relationship with a beautiful, young, female lobbyist. Do you believe this? Think about it. A senator, who’s a Republican having sex with a woman.
If it does turn out to be true, then John McCain’s critics have a point — he really does act more like a Democrat.
They say this woman works for the telecommunications lobby. Apparently, she called McCain out of the blue and asked, “Are you happy with your current sex provider?”
Hillary Clinton still doing very well in one state: the state of denial.
David Letterman
John McCain may have had an inappropriate relationship with a young blonde. Sounds like presidential material to me.
The woman is now in Phase 1 of a Washington scandal: denial.
Phase 2 is book deal.
Phase 3 is nude for Playboy.
Conan O'Brien
The New York Times is claiming John McCain, who is 71 years old, had an inappropriate relationship with a woman who is a Washington lobbyist. The good news is there’s no footage.
Political experts say this could be huge for McCain because he’s married, and the woman he’s accused of having the relationship is 31 years younger than him. In a related story today, McCain was endorsed by Bill Clinton.
The Spice Girls have offered to perform at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday party. When he heard this, Mandela said, “Thanks, but I’ve already made plans to enjoy myself.”
The store Sharper Image has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The bankruptcy was filed using the Sharper Image Bankruptcy-Filing, Folding-Bicycle, Massage Chair.
Craig Ferguson
There was an earthquake in Nevada. Over where they have legalized prostitution, a brothel was damaged — one man had to freed from a crack.
Tough day for John McCain. But don’t worry — all the sex happened before there was video.
The New York Times said McCain had an affair years ago. I think it was with Joan of Ark.
Apparently, John McCain had an affair with a lobbyist from a telecommunications company. He was roaming on nights and weekends.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Academy Awards are just across the street. They’ve got the red carpet out, they’ve even covered the storm drains in case it rains so Keira Knightley doesn’t wash down the sewer.
The unthinkable happened today. My friend, “Man Show” co-host, Adam Carolla, was on Oprah Winfrey. Trampolines all over America are hanging at half mast.
I figured out something today. Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama met in Texas today. But of course nobody watched because of “American Idol.”
Jay Leno
The New York Times says that John McCain had a close, personal relationship with a beautiful, young, female lobbyist. Do you believe this? Think about it. A senator, who’s a Republican having sex with a woman.
If it does turn out to be true, then John McCain’s critics have a point — he really does act more like a Democrat.
They say this woman works for the telecommunications lobby. Apparently, she called McCain out of the blue and asked, “Are you happy with your current sex provider?”
Hillary Clinton still doing very well in one state: the state of denial.
David Letterman
John McCain may have had an inappropriate relationship with a young blonde. Sounds like presidential material to me.
The woman is now in Phase 1 of a Washington scandal: denial.
Phase 2 is book deal.
Phase 3 is nude for Playboy.
Conan O'Brien
The New York Times is claiming John McCain, who is 71 years old, had an inappropriate relationship with a woman who is a Washington lobbyist. The good news is there’s no footage.
Political experts say this could be huge for McCain because he’s married, and the woman he’s accused of having the relationship is 31 years younger than him. In a related story today, McCain was endorsed by Bill Clinton.
The Spice Girls have offered to perform at Nelson Mandela’s 90th birthday party. When he heard this, Mandela said, “Thanks, but I’ve already made plans to enjoy myself.”
The store Sharper Image has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The bankruptcy was filed using the Sharper Image Bankruptcy-Filing, Folding-Bicycle, Massage Chair.
Craig Ferguson
There was an earthquake in Nevada. Over where they have legalized prostitution, a brothel was damaged — one man had to freed from a crack.
Tough day for John McCain. But don’t worry — all the sex happened before there was video.
The New York Times said McCain had an affair years ago. I think it was with Joan of Ark.
Apparently, John McCain had an affair with a lobbyist from a telecommunications company. He was roaming on nights and weekends.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Academy Awards are just across the street. They’ve got the red carpet out, they’ve even covered the storm drains in case it rains so Keira Knightley doesn’t wash down the sewer.
The unthinkable happened today. My friend, “Man Show” co-host, Adam Carolla, was on Oprah Winfrey. Trampolines all over America are hanging at half mast.
I figured out something today. Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama met in Texas today. But of course nobody watched because of “American Idol.”
