Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Yesterday, Hillary’s female campaign manager resigned. You know what that means — Bill got caught again.
Newsweek estimates that Bill Clinton made between 10 and 15 million dollars last year for speaking engagements. That explains why Hillary never speaks to him anymore — she can’t afford it.
As to why he’s still in the race, Mike Huckabee said, “I have nothing else to do.” So it sounds like he really is running for vice president.
Republicans say John McCain is good for business. They didn’t say what business, but I’m guessing the Scooter Store, Doane’s Pills, Craftmatic Adjustable Bed . . .
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Answers To The Question
10. "How Cold Is It?"
9. It's so cold, Donald Trump's hair was shivering and rubbing its paws together
8. It's so cold, in New York City there are more polar bears than rats
7. It's so cold, Democrats are calling for an end to our dependence on foreign cocoa
6. It's so cold, ABC is debuting a new reality series, "Defrosting With The Stars"
5. It's so cold, Matthew McConaughey actually put on a shirt
4. No number 5 — writer suffering hypothermia
3. It's so cold, Romney changed his first name to Mitten
2. It's so cold, Apple just introduced iScarf
1. It's so cold, Barack Obama is campaigning in Puerto Vallarta
David Letterman
Cold here in New York City. So cold, Roger Clemens got injected with hot soup.
So cold, New York Nicks fans stayed for the entire game.
So cold, Donald trump had chapped hair.
Speaking of hair, Amy Winehouse’s hair went into rehab.
Craig Ferguson
Last night, Barack Obama won a Grammy for his audio book. He’s on a roll! “What did you do over the weekend?” “I won four primaries and a Grammy.”
He beat four nominees, including Bill Clinton’s audio book. Barack Obama beating a Clinton? They’re getting kind of used to that.
I’ve heard Bill’s audio book — it’s not that good. it’s two hours of heavy breathing.
Amy Winehouse won five Grammys! She wasn’t there. She couldn’t get a visa for her drugs.
Jay Leno
Yesterday, Hillary’s female campaign manager resigned. You know what that means — Bill got caught again.
Newsweek estimates that Bill Clinton made between 10 and 15 million dollars last year for speaking engagements. That explains why Hillary never speaks to him anymore — she can’t afford it.
As to why he’s still in the race, Mike Huckabee said, “I have nothing else to do.” So it sounds like he really is running for vice president.
Republicans say John McCain is good for business. They didn’t say what business, but I’m guessing the Scooter Store, Doane’s Pills, Craftmatic Adjustable Bed . . .
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Answers To The Question
10. "How Cold Is It?"
9. It's so cold, Donald Trump's hair was shivering and rubbing its paws together
8. It's so cold, in New York City there are more polar bears than rats
7. It's so cold, Democrats are calling for an end to our dependence on foreign cocoa
6. It's so cold, ABC is debuting a new reality series, "Defrosting With The Stars"
5. It's so cold, Matthew McConaughey actually put on a shirt
4. No number 5 — writer suffering hypothermia
3. It's so cold, Romney changed his first name to Mitten
2. It's so cold, Apple just introduced iScarf
1. It's so cold, Barack Obama is campaigning in Puerto Vallarta
David Letterman
Cold here in New York City. So cold, Roger Clemens got injected with hot soup.
So cold, New York Nicks fans stayed for the entire game.
So cold, Donald trump had chapped hair.
Speaking of hair, Amy Winehouse’s hair went into rehab.
Craig Ferguson
Last night, Barack Obama won a Grammy for his audio book. He’s on a roll! “What did you do over the weekend?” “I won four primaries and a Grammy.”
He beat four nominees, including Bill Clinton’s audio book. Barack Obama beating a Clinton? They’re getting kind of used to that.
I’ve heard Bill’s audio book — it’s not that good. it’s two hours of heavy breathing.
Amy Winehouse won five Grammys! She wasn’t there. She couldn’t get a visa for her drugs.
