Monday, April 30, 2007
Mitt Romney Blasts McCain-Feingold
Mitt Romney, who leads the Republican presidential field in fundraising, is strongly denouncing the campaign finance reform law co-authored by one of his chief rivals.
The former Massachusetts governor is vehemently opposed to the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act, saying the revised regulations controlling presidential fundraising impinge on free speech.
His criticisms underscore a major political difference with one of his campaign rivals, Sen. John McCain of Arizona. Romney has also recently criticized McCain on other issues, including immigration.
BCRA is the formal name for the "McCain-Feingold" law, a piece of legislation that reshaped election financing and bolstered McCain's upstart political status when President Bush signed it into law in 2002.
"I favor transparency," Romney told The Associated Press on Thursday between campaign stops in New Hampshire. "Let people make contributions and report it on the Web site, so you know who's contributed to whom, but McCain-Feingold has not worked. It's hurt my party, it hurts First Amendment rights. I think it was a bad bill."
On Wednesday, the same day McCain formally announced his candidacy, Romney said in an Internet posting: "The American people should be able to exercise their First Amendment rights without having to think about hiring a lawyer."
One of the law's authors, Rep. Martin Meehan, D-Mass., said Romney's complaints are rooted in politics.
"The law has been ruled constitutional by every court that has looked at it," said Meehan, who worked with Rep. Chris Shays, R-Conn., on a bill that was merged with McCain-Feingold. "Mitt Romney's criticisms are clearly motivated by his campaign against John McCain."
Other critics say Romney's complaints don't square with his past calls for campaign finance reform, including a 1994 proposal to publicly fund elections by imposing a 10 percent tax on the contributions to candidates choosing to finance their campaigns privately.
A McCain spokesman dismissed Romney's criticism.
"Senator McCain has fought against the corrupting influence of special interest money in politics," said campaign spokesman Danny Diaz. "As we learned last November, it is critically important that our leaders remain committed to representing the interests of the voters that elected them into office."
McCain-Feingold banned the unregulated, unlimited "soft money" contributions from corporations, unions and wealthy individuals to national political parties and federal candidates.
Critics say that ban redirected donations to "527s," special interest groups with less-stringent disclosure requirements. That is part of the reason Romney says McCain-Feingold has had "unintended consequences" and "driven money into secret corners."
A Washington-based government watchdog group that helped draft the bill disputed that interpretation.
"McCain-Feingold didn't ban any form of free speech," said Mary Boyle, spokeswoman for Common Cause. "It just specified how certain broadcast ads before a primary or a general election can be paid for. They said they can't be paid with union or corporate money, only PAC money that has been contributed by individuals, is legally regulated and is disclosed."
The Supreme Court upheld McCain-Feingold in 2003, but that was before President Bush's appointments to the court. Last week, the court heard arguments in a Wisconsin case challenging the law's restrictions on mentioning candidates by name in issue ads run by special interest groups near the election.
Romney trumpeted his views on campaign finance reform during his unsuccessful 1994 campaign to unseat Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass.
Then a millionaire venture capitalist, Romney complained about the cost of the race and said, "For that reason, I would like to have campaign spending limits, and to say, 'We're not going to spend more than this in certain campaigns,' in a campaign for Senate or U.S. representative and so forth. Because otherwise, I think you have money playing far too important a role."
Amid that same race, Romney proposed abolishing political action committees, registering lobbyists, limiting gifts and imposing the 10 percent tax on private donations as an alternative to using personal tax dollars to finance political campaigns.
"I think contributions are fine, I just don't want them to be larger and larger," he said during an October 1994 business forum, a videotape of which is now posted on YouTube.com.
Romney raised $21 million in the first quarter and began the second quarter with nearly $12 million in the bank, the most money of the Republican candidates.
Mitt Romney, who leads the Republican presidential field in fundraising, is strongly denouncing the campaign finance reform law co-authored by one of his chief rivals.
The former Massachusetts governor is vehemently opposed to the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act, saying the revised regulations controlling presidential fundraising impinge on free speech.
His criticisms underscore a major political difference with one of his campaign rivals, Sen. John McCain of Arizona. Romney has also recently criticized McCain on other issues, including immigration.
BCRA is the formal name for the "McCain-Feingold" law, a piece of legislation that reshaped election financing and bolstered McCain's upstart political status when President Bush signed it into law in 2002.
"I favor transparency," Romney told The Associated Press on Thursday between campaign stops in New Hampshire. "Let people make contributions and report it on the Web site, so you know who's contributed to whom, but McCain-Feingold has not worked. It's hurt my party, it hurts First Amendment rights. I think it was a bad bill."
On Wednesday, the same day McCain formally announced his candidacy, Romney said in an Internet posting: "The American people should be able to exercise their First Amendment rights without having to think about hiring a lawyer."
One of the law's authors, Rep. Martin Meehan, D-Mass., said Romney's complaints are rooted in politics.
"The law has been ruled constitutional by every court that has looked at it," said Meehan, who worked with Rep. Chris Shays, R-Conn., on a bill that was merged with McCain-Feingold. "Mitt Romney's criticisms are clearly motivated by his campaign against John McCain."
Other critics say Romney's complaints don't square with his past calls for campaign finance reform, including a 1994 proposal to publicly fund elections by imposing a 10 percent tax on the contributions to candidates choosing to finance their campaigns privately.
A McCain spokesman dismissed Romney's criticism.
"Senator McCain has fought against the corrupting influence of special interest money in politics," said campaign spokesman Danny Diaz. "As we learned last November, it is critically important that our leaders remain committed to representing the interests of the voters that elected them into office."
McCain-Feingold banned the unregulated, unlimited "soft money" contributions from corporations, unions and wealthy individuals to national political parties and federal candidates.
Critics say that ban redirected donations to "527s," special interest groups with less-stringent disclosure requirements. That is part of the reason Romney says McCain-Feingold has had "unintended consequences" and "driven money into secret corners."
A Washington-based government watchdog group that helped draft the bill disputed that interpretation.
"McCain-Feingold didn't ban any form of free speech," said Mary Boyle, spokeswoman for Common Cause. "It just specified how certain broadcast ads before a primary or a general election can be paid for. They said they can't be paid with union or corporate money, only PAC money that has been contributed by individuals, is legally regulated and is disclosed."
The Supreme Court upheld McCain-Feingold in 2003, but that was before President Bush's appointments to the court. Last week, the court heard arguments in a Wisconsin case challenging the law's restrictions on mentioning candidates by name in issue ads run by special interest groups near the election.
Romney trumpeted his views on campaign finance reform during his unsuccessful 1994 campaign to unseat Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass.
Then a millionaire venture capitalist, Romney complained about the cost of the race and said, "For that reason, I would like to have campaign spending limits, and to say, 'We're not going to spend more than this in certain campaigns,' in a campaign for Senate or U.S. representative and so forth. Because otherwise, I think you have money playing far too important a role."
Amid that same race, Romney proposed abolishing political action committees, registering lobbyists, limiting gifts and imposing the 10 percent tax on private donations as an alternative to using personal tax dollars to finance political campaigns.
"I think contributions are fine, I just don't want them to be larger and larger," he said during an October 1994 business forum, a videotape of which is now posted on YouTube.com.
Romney raised $21 million in the first quarter and began the second quarter with nearly $12 million in the bank, the most money of the Republican candidates.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Tenet: Al-Qaida's Nuclear Threat Real
NewsMax - The intelligence community has real concerns that al-Qaida will acquire nuclear weapons to use in a terrorist attack on the U.S., former CIA Director George Tenet confirms.
Tenet – author of the controversial new book "At the Center of the Storm: My Years at the CIA” – also believes it’s likely that al-Qaida already has operatives in the U.S., he disclosed in an interview with CBS’ "60 Minutes” Sunday night and in other tv interviews Monday.
Tenet told CBS interviewer Scott Pelley that in 2003, terrorists in the U.S. were prepared to launch an attack in the New York City subways when the operation was called off by Osama bin Laden’s second in command, Ayman al-Zawahiri, in favor of "something larger.”
A clue to what that "something” could have been is that bin Laden has been trying to acquire nuclear material since 1993, according to Tenet.
"Are these people gonna have a nuclear capability? This confers superpower status on a networked organization that is not a state,” Tenet told Pelley.
"Is it gonna happen? Look, I don’t know. But I worry about it. Because I’ve seen enough to tell me that there’s intent. And when there’s intent, the question is, when does the capability show up? If al-Qaida were to acquire nuclear capability, the thousands of weapons we have would be irrelevant.”
Asked if al-Qaida is in the U.S. right now, Tenet said: "My operational presumption is that they infiltrated a second wave or a third wave into the United States at the time of 9/11. Now can I prove it to you? No. It’s my operational intuition.”
Tenet’s worries about al-Qaida’s nuclear desires seem to corroborate a new book by former FBI consultant Paul Williams due out later this month.
NewsMax - The intelligence community has real concerns that al-Qaida will acquire nuclear weapons to use in a terrorist attack on the U.S., former CIA Director George Tenet confirms.
Tenet – author of the controversial new book "At the Center of the Storm: My Years at the CIA” – also believes it’s likely that al-Qaida already has operatives in the U.S., he disclosed in an interview with CBS’ "60 Minutes” Sunday night and in other tv interviews Monday.
Tenet told CBS interviewer Scott Pelley that in 2003, terrorists in the U.S. were prepared to launch an attack in the New York City subways when the operation was called off by Osama bin Laden’s second in command, Ayman al-Zawahiri, in favor of "something larger.”
A clue to what that "something” could have been is that bin Laden has been trying to acquire nuclear material since 1993, according to Tenet.
"Are these people gonna have a nuclear capability? This confers superpower status on a networked organization that is not a state,” Tenet told Pelley.
"Is it gonna happen? Look, I don’t know. But I worry about it. Because I’ve seen enough to tell me that there’s intent. And when there’s intent, the question is, when does the capability show up? If al-Qaida were to acquire nuclear capability, the thousands of weapons we have would be irrelevant.”
Asked if al-Qaida is in the U.S. right now, Tenet said: "My operational presumption is that they infiltrated a second wave or a third wave into the United States at the time of 9/11. Now can I prove it to you? No. It’s my operational intuition.”
Tenet’s worries about al-Qaida’s nuclear desires seem to corroborate a new book by former FBI consultant Paul Williams due out later this month.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Gore Calls Canada Climate Plan a 'Fraud'
Al Gore condemned Canada's new plan to reduce greenhouse gases, saying it was "a complete and total fraud" because it lacks specifics and gives industry a way to actually increase emissions.
Under the initiative announced Thursday, Canada aims to reduce the current level of greenhouse gas emissions 20 percent by 2020. But the government acknowledged it would not meet its obligations under the Kyoto Protocol, which requires 35 industrialized countries to cut greenhouse-gas emissions by 5 percent below 1990 levels by 2012.
The country's emissions are now 30 percent above 1990 levels.
The conservative government's strategy focuses both on reducing emissions of gases blamed for global warming and improving air quality. But the plan failed to spell out what many of its regulations will look like.
Gore said the plan did not make clear how Canada would reach its 2020 emissions goal. He also criticized the plan for allowing industries to pollute more if they use emissions-cutting technologies while increasing production.
"In my opinion, it is a complete and total fraud," Gore said Saturday. "It is designed to mislead the Canadian people."
He said "intensity reduction" — which allow industries to increase their greenhouse gas outputs as they raise production — was a poll-tested phrase developed by think tanks financed by Exxon Mobil and other large polluters.
Canadian Environment Minister John Baird rejected Gore's criticisms.
"The fact is our plan is vastly tougher than any measures introduced by the administration of which the former vice president was a member," Baird said in a statement.
Baird also invited Gore to discuss climate change and the government's environmental policies with him.
Gore was in Toronto to present his documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth," at a consumer environmental show. He acknowledged that as an American, he had "no right to interfere" in Canadian decision.
However, he said, the rest of the world looks to Canada for moral leadership, and that was why Thursday's announcement was so "shocking."
Canadian opposition Liberal Leader Stephane Dion said Sunday that Gore was right.
"Mr. Baird is embarrassing Canada around the world," Dion said. "The world expects Canada will do its share — more than that, that Canada will be a leader and we are failing the world. We are failing Canadians."
Al Gore condemned Canada's new plan to reduce greenhouse gases, saying it was "a complete and total fraud" because it lacks specifics and gives industry a way to actually increase emissions.
Under the initiative announced Thursday, Canada aims to reduce the current level of greenhouse gas emissions 20 percent by 2020. But the government acknowledged it would not meet its obligations under the Kyoto Protocol, which requires 35 industrialized countries to cut greenhouse-gas emissions by 5 percent below 1990 levels by 2012.
The country's emissions are now 30 percent above 1990 levels.
The conservative government's strategy focuses both on reducing emissions of gases blamed for global warming and improving air quality. But the plan failed to spell out what many of its regulations will look like.
Gore said the plan did not make clear how Canada would reach its 2020 emissions goal. He also criticized the plan for allowing industries to pollute more if they use emissions-cutting technologies while increasing production.
"In my opinion, it is a complete and total fraud," Gore said Saturday. "It is designed to mislead the Canadian people."
He said "intensity reduction" — which allow industries to increase their greenhouse gas outputs as they raise production — was a poll-tested phrase developed by think tanks financed by Exxon Mobil and other large polluters.
Canadian Environment Minister John Baird rejected Gore's criticisms.
"The fact is our plan is vastly tougher than any measures introduced by the administration of which the former vice president was a member," Baird said in a statement.
Baird also invited Gore to discuss climate change and the government's environmental policies with him.
Gore was in Toronto to present his documentary, "An Inconvenient Truth," at a consumer environmental show. He acknowledged that as an American, he had "no right to interfere" in Canadian decision.
However, he said, the rest of the world looks to Canada for moral leadership, and that was why Thursday's announcement was so "shocking."
Canadian opposition Liberal Leader Stephane Dion said Sunday that Gore was right.
"Mr. Baird is embarrassing Canada around the world," Dion said. "The world expects Canada will do its share — more than that, that Canada will be a leader and we are failing the world. We are failing Canadians."
Late Night Jokes
Leno
Alec Baldwin was on "The View” this morning. You can’t say the guy hasn’t been punished. He was on "The View.”
He went on "The View” to say that he wanted to quit acting so he could spend more time with his family. But NBC has refused to let him out of his contract. Isn’t that the luck? He gets on the one NBC show that wasn’t canceled after two weeks . . .
In New York City women are being paid as much as $1,200 to lay on a table in fancy restaurants, naked, and the chef covers them with food. Then people come and eat the food off the naked women. You know what these women are called? A lazy Susan.
Actor Hugh Grant was arrested in London after he attacked a paparazzi photographer outside his house. He kicked the guy and threw a tub of baked beans at him. He was charged with reckless endangerment and assault with a deadly side dish.
Letterman
Today is Arbor Day. Down at the White House, a confused George W. Bush planted an Easter egg.
Celebrity birthdays. Saddam Hussein would have been 70 years old tomorrow. And if you’re looking for a gift, he could really use an air conditioner.
The Pope has gotten rid of limbo. Did you hear about this? Limbo is the place you go to before you go to hell. Here at the "Late Show,” we call that the Green Room.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear At Your Prom
10. "The theme is 'A Night in Gitmo'"
9. "The janitor is making a fresh batch of punch"
8. "I couldn't afford a corsage, so I bought you some iceberg lettuce"
7. "For this next dance, I want all you Sunnis to grab a Shiite"
6. "I plan on having sex tonight — not with you of course"
5. "Would you like to go someplace quiet and discuss the joys of Scientology?"
4. "Surprise! I wore my Spock ears!"
3. "Are you a cop?"
2. "Paris Hilton will attend anything"
1. "Nice dress, Carl"
Conan
Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because she can’t think of a better cheerleader for America. To which Bill Clinton said, "I can think of 20, and I have their phone numbers.”
Even though Sanjaya has been voted off "American Idol,” some viewers are organizing fan clubs. They want to be known as "Fanjayas.” Or by their current name, deaf people.
In an effort to help the environment, Sheryl Crow has proposed using only one square of toilet paper when going to the bathroom. In a related story, don’t ever shake hands with Sheryl Crow.
Ferguson
Oscar season is upon us. "Kickin It Old School” opens today. It’s a movie about a break dancer who wakes up from a 20-year coma. If I had woken up today from a 20-year coma, I’d say, "Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California? What’s that! The Terminator is the governor!”
Everyone would be like, "Cocaine is addictive? Who knew!”
George Michael is gay?
The Sundance Film Festival used to be about independent films. Now Paris Hilton goes to the Sundance Film Festival. It used to be about small movies; now it’s about small handbags, with wee dogs on them.
Leno
Alec Baldwin was on "The View” this morning. You can’t say the guy hasn’t been punished. He was on "The View.”
He went on "The View” to say that he wanted to quit acting so he could spend more time with his family. But NBC has refused to let him out of his contract. Isn’t that the luck? He gets on the one NBC show that wasn’t canceled after two weeks . . .
In New York City women are being paid as much as $1,200 to lay on a table in fancy restaurants, naked, and the chef covers them with food. Then people come and eat the food off the naked women. You know what these women are called? A lazy Susan.
Actor Hugh Grant was arrested in London after he attacked a paparazzi photographer outside his house. He kicked the guy and threw a tub of baked beans at him. He was charged with reckless endangerment and assault with a deadly side dish.
Letterman
Today is Arbor Day. Down at the White House, a confused George W. Bush planted an Easter egg.
Celebrity birthdays. Saddam Hussein would have been 70 years old tomorrow. And if you’re looking for a gift, he could really use an air conditioner.
The Pope has gotten rid of limbo. Did you hear about this? Limbo is the place you go to before you go to hell. Here at the "Late Show,” we call that the Green Room.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear At Your Prom
10. "The theme is 'A Night in Gitmo'"
9. "The janitor is making a fresh batch of punch"
8. "I couldn't afford a corsage, so I bought you some iceberg lettuce"
7. "For this next dance, I want all you Sunnis to grab a Shiite"
6. "I plan on having sex tonight — not with you of course"
5. "Would you like to go someplace quiet and discuss the joys of Scientology?"
4. "Surprise! I wore my Spock ears!"
3. "Are you a cop?"
2. "Paris Hilton will attend anything"
1. "Nice dress, Carl"
Conan
Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because she can’t think of a better cheerleader for America. To which Bill Clinton said, "I can think of 20, and I have their phone numbers.”
Even though Sanjaya has been voted off "American Idol,” some viewers are organizing fan clubs. They want to be known as "Fanjayas.” Or by their current name, deaf people.
In an effort to help the environment, Sheryl Crow has proposed using only one square of toilet paper when going to the bathroom. In a related story, don’t ever shake hands with Sheryl Crow.
Ferguson
Oscar season is upon us. "Kickin It Old School” opens today. It’s a movie about a break dancer who wakes up from a 20-year coma. If I had woken up today from a 20-year coma, I’d say, "Arnold Schwarzenegger is the governor of California? What’s that! The Terminator is the governor!”
Everyone would be like, "Cocaine is addictive? Who knew!”
George Michael is gay?
The Sundance Film Festival used to be about independent films. Now Paris Hilton goes to the Sundance Film Festival. It used to be about small movies; now it’s about small handbags, with wee dogs on them.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Herd of Jets Flies Debating Democrats
A flock of small jets took flight from Washington Thursday, each carrying a Democratic presidential candidate to South Carolina for the first debate of the political season.
For Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Obama, Chris Dodd and Joe Biden, it was wheels up shortly after they voted in favor of legislation requiring that U.S. troops begin returning home from Iraq in the fall.
No one jet pooled, no one took commercial flights to save money, fuel or emissions.
All but Biden, who flew on a private jet, chartered their flights _ a campaign expense of between $7,500 and $9,000.
Federal Election Commission rules allow candidates to pay only the equivalent of first-class fare to fly on private jets owned by corporations or other special interests. But a Senate ethics bill approved earlier this year would require senators flying on corporate jets to pay full charter rates. The legislation must still be reconciled with a House bill and has yet to become law.
Several senators running for president are abiding by it anyway, either paying charter cost or avoiding corporate jets altogether, as Obama and Republican Sen. John McCain have done. Dodd pays full charter rates when he flies on private planes. The Clinton and Biden campaigns did not immediately explain their policies.
Candidates who follow the more lenient FEC rules have a financial advantage.
Democrat John Edwards, for example, regularly uses a jet owned by Dallas trial lawyer Fred Baron, who is also the finance chairman of his presidential campaign. His campaign pays first-class rate for those flights. Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney also flies on corporate jets and pays first-class rates.
Under FEC reimbursement regulations, a candidate flying in a corporate or union jet must pay the first-class rate unless the flight's destination does not have scheduled commercial service. In that case, the candidate must pay the cost of chartering the plane.
For candidates who are now eschewing corporate jets, the cost difference can be significant.
For example, a one-way first class ticket on United Airlines with four days advance notice is $694 per person. A typical one-way charter flight on a small Lear jet seating six people would cost about $9,000.
Critics of corporate jet flights for politicians say the difference in cost makes a private jet an extraordinary special benefit and can give corporate executives or union leaders unusual access to a candidate.
Thursday's debate, set on the campus of South Carolina State University in Orangeburg, S.C., made for some whirlwind scheduling. Clinton, for instance, was scheduled to return to Washington Friday morning for an 8 a.m. address to the New York State United Teachers 35th Annual Representative Assembly, then fly back to South Carolina for an 11 a.m. event in Greenville.
A flock of small jets took flight from Washington Thursday, each carrying a Democratic presidential candidate to South Carolina for the first debate of the political season.
For Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Obama, Chris Dodd and Joe Biden, it was wheels up shortly after they voted in favor of legislation requiring that U.S. troops begin returning home from Iraq in the fall.
No one jet pooled, no one took commercial flights to save money, fuel or emissions.
All but Biden, who flew on a private jet, chartered their flights _ a campaign expense of between $7,500 and $9,000.
Federal Election Commission rules allow candidates to pay only the equivalent of first-class fare to fly on private jets owned by corporations or other special interests. But a Senate ethics bill approved earlier this year would require senators flying on corporate jets to pay full charter rates. The legislation must still be reconciled with a House bill and has yet to become law.
Several senators running for president are abiding by it anyway, either paying charter cost or avoiding corporate jets altogether, as Obama and Republican Sen. John McCain have done. Dodd pays full charter rates when he flies on private planes. The Clinton and Biden campaigns did not immediately explain their policies.
Candidates who follow the more lenient FEC rules have a financial advantage.
Democrat John Edwards, for example, regularly uses a jet owned by Dallas trial lawyer Fred Baron, who is also the finance chairman of his presidential campaign. His campaign pays first-class rate for those flights. Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney also flies on corporate jets and pays first-class rates.
Under FEC reimbursement regulations, a candidate flying in a corporate or union jet must pay the first-class rate unless the flight's destination does not have scheduled commercial service. In that case, the candidate must pay the cost of chartering the plane.
For candidates who are now eschewing corporate jets, the cost difference can be significant.
For example, a one-way first class ticket on United Airlines with four days advance notice is $694 per person. A typical one-way charter flight on a small Lear jet seating six people would cost about $9,000.
Critics of corporate jet flights for politicians say the difference in cost makes a private jet an extraordinary special benefit and can give corporate executives or union leaders unusual access to a candidate.
Thursday's debate, set on the campus of South Carolina State University in Orangeburg, S.C., made for some whirlwind scheduling. Clinton, for instance, was scheduled to return to Washington Friday morning for an 8 a.m. address to the New York State United Teachers 35th Annual Representative Assembly, then fly back to South Carolina for an 11 a.m. event in Greenville.
Late Night Jokes
Leno
Tonight was the first Democratic presidential debate. The debate was only on MSNBC. Projected winner? Anybody with CNN or Fox.
Congressman and presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney, this week. Political pundits say Dennis Kucinich is that rare candidate capable of waging two hopeless campaigns at the same time.
The FDA says there’s no evidence that marijuana treats any disease. Hey there’s no evidence that HMOs treat any disease either but they’re not banning those.
Astronomers now say they have discovered the existence of an "earth-like” planet, with an atmosphere that could sustain life, nearly 120 trillion miles away from us out in deep space. Here’s the amazing part: It already has three Starbucks.
Letterman
How about that Rosie O’Donnell? She’s left "The View,” and she’s rumored to be hiding out in the mountainous region of Afghanistan.
Did anybody see the [Democratic] debate? It was really weird. After the rebuttal, John Edwards demanded two minutes for conditioner.
Regis Philbin went back to work today on his own show. Regis Philbin, after his triple bypass surgery, is a changed man. As a matter of fact, I watched his nurse change him backstage.
Conan
The first Democratic debate was held tonight. It featured Hillary Clinton facing off with seven men. Or as Bill Clinton calls it, the worst porn movie plot ever.
Yesterday President Bush visited New York City, and before his visit, the city filled in all the potholes near the school. Not only that, before the president’s visit, the school hid all of the sharp objects and covered all the electric sockets with plastic.
Hugh Grant’s been arrested because he got mad and threw a container of baked beans at a photographer. So far people aren’t sure which is more embarrassing, being arrested with a prostitute, or being arrested for throwing baked beans.
Ferguson
Regis Philbin is back on TV today. Regis is back on television the first day of sweeps. Coincidence? Yes, probably. Sweeps, if you don’t know, is when the networks put on all their best to try and up the advertising. We don’t hold our best stuff for sweeps . . . we throw out the same crap all year round.
Richard Gere is in trouble. The Indian government put a warrant out for his arrest, because he made out with an Indian actress. The Indian authorities said the kiss transgressed all limits of vulgarity. I really hope they don’t get this show over in India.
He’s not the only celebrity in trouble. Hugh Grant attacked a paparazzi with a Tupperware full of baked beans. When will this madness end? Baked beans aren’t usually used as a weapon. Maybe indirectly as a chemical weapon.
Kimmel
Today was "Take Your Daughter or Son to Work Day.” It used to be, "Take Your Daughter to Work Day,” but they changed it because they want boys to know it’s OK to work too.
More bad news for Snoop Dogg. He has been banned from Australia. He tried to get in there to cohost the MTV Australian Music Video Awards, but the immigration minister said, "You cannot come in because of your criminal record.” This is really unfair. We let Crocodile Dundee run around here with a 4-foot long machete . . .
He is still allowed in Jamaica though.
Leno
Tonight was the first Democratic presidential debate. The debate was only on MSNBC. Projected winner? Anybody with CNN or Fox.
Congressman and presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney, this week. Political pundits say Dennis Kucinich is that rare candidate capable of waging two hopeless campaigns at the same time.
The FDA says there’s no evidence that marijuana treats any disease. Hey there’s no evidence that HMOs treat any disease either but they’re not banning those.
Astronomers now say they have discovered the existence of an "earth-like” planet, with an atmosphere that could sustain life, nearly 120 trillion miles away from us out in deep space. Here’s the amazing part: It already has three Starbucks.
Letterman
How about that Rosie O’Donnell? She’s left "The View,” and she’s rumored to be hiding out in the mountainous region of Afghanistan.
Did anybody see the [Democratic] debate? It was really weird. After the rebuttal, John Edwards demanded two minutes for conditioner.
Regis Philbin went back to work today on his own show. Regis Philbin, after his triple bypass surgery, is a changed man. As a matter of fact, I watched his nurse change him backstage.
Conan
The first Democratic debate was held tonight. It featured Hillary Clinton facing off with seven men. Or as Bill Clinton calls it, the worst porn movie plot ever.
Yesterday President Bush visited New York City, and before his visit, the city filled in all the potholes near the school. Not only that, before the president’s visit, the school hid all of the sharp objects and covered all the electric sockets with plastic.
Hugh Grant’s been arrested because he got mad and threw a container of baked beans at a photographer. So far people aren’t sure which is more embarrassing, being arrested with a prostitute, or being arrested for throwing baked beans.
Ferguson
Regis Philbin is back on TV today. Regis is back on television the first day of sweeps. Coincidence? Yes, probably. Sweeps, if you don’t know, is when the networks put on all their best to try and up the advertising. We don’t hold our best stuff for sweeps . . . we throw out the same crap all year round.
Richard Gere is in trouble. The Indian government put a warrant out for his arrest, because he made out with an Indian actress. The Indian authorities said the kiss transgressed all limits of vulgarity. I really hope they don’t get this show over in India.
He’s not the only celebrity in trouble. Hugh Grant attacked a paparazzi with a Tupperware full of baked beans. When will this madness end? Baked beans aren’t usually used as a weapon. Maybe indirectly as a chemical weapon.
Kimmel
Today was "Take Your Daughter or Son to Work Day.” It used to be, "Take Your Daughter to Work Day,” but they changed it because they want boys to know it’s OK to work too.
More bad news for Snoop Dogg. He has been banned from Australia. He tried to get in there to cohost the MTV Australian Music Video Awards, but the immigration minister said, "You cannot come in because of your criminal record.” This is really unfair. We let Crocodile Dundee run around here with a 4-foot long machete . . .
He is still allowed in Jamaica though.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Al-Qaida Wants U.S. War With Iran
This article was written by Randy Hall, editor and staff writer at CNSNews.com
Al Qaeda terrorists are attempting to provoke a war between the United States and Iran in the hopes that they will "take each other out," a Middle East analyst said Thursday.
"The al Qaeda organization sees Iran as one of its great enemies," Bruce Reidel, a senior fellow with the Saban Center for Middle East Policy at the Brookings Institution, said during a conference call briefing.
This was because al Qaeda - "a very strict Sunni Islamist organization" - views Iran's Shia faith as apostasy, he said.
"What al Qaeda in Iraq now most fears is not the continuing deployment of American forces," he argued. "They've come to the conclusion we're going to leave, whether it's in 2008 or 2009."
Reidel said the terrorists' key concern is "what comes afterwards" and specifically the worry that Iraq will be "very Shia-dominated" and "very closely aligned with Iran."
"So they've openly talked about the advisability of getting their two great enemies to go to war with each other" in the hopes that they will "take each other out," he added.
"Al Qaeda would especially like a full-scale U.S. invasion and occupation of Iran, which would presumably oust the Shi'ite regime in Tehran, further antagonize Muslims worldwide and expand al Qaeda's battlefield against the United States," Reidel argued.
"The biggest danger," he added, "is that al Qaeda will deliberately provoke a war with a 'false-flag' operation - say, a terrorist attack carried out in a way that would make it appear as though it were Iran's doing.
"The United States should be extremely wary of such deception," Reidel said. "In the event of an attack, accurately assigning blame will require very careful intelligence work.
"In the ultimate world of al Qaeda, they envision freeing the Muslim world of Western influence and forcing Western powers out - and by that, they also mean Israel, which they see as the ultimate example of Western intrusion into the Muslim world," he asserted.
"During 2002, we had al Qaeda on the ropes in Afghanistan and Pakistan," Reidel said. "We should have relentlessly gone after the al Qaeda leadership. We should have put unremitting pressure on the Pakistanis to do everything they could, and we should have sourced, funded and manned the effort in Afghanistan to finish the job.
"Instead, we made a mistake, a decision to go after a war in Iraq that we didn't need to fight, which diverted resources and created a cause celebre that al Qaeda has exploited quite effectively," Reidel said.
The analyst suggested that to regain momentum in the war on terror, the West needs to "decapitate the leadership. We need to go after Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri and their lieutenants in the badlands of Pakistan.
"Secondly, we need to do more in the battle of ideas," he said. "Al Qaeda has been able to exploit the American and British invasion of Iraq as a recipe of western colonialism again."
Reidl also argued for "a phased, orderly withdrawal from Iraq ... in a way in which we enhance the legitimacy of the Iraqi government that we're going to leave behind."
He conceded that al Qaeda terrorists would claim credit "for any American defeat" but argued that "I think it's time we recognize that Iraq is more a trap than an opportunity."
Reidl praised the State Department for its handling of Iran.
"We now have two United Nations Security Council resolutions demanding that Iran cease development of its nuclear weapons program and starting to apply targeted, specific sanctions," he noted.
Such an approach will require patience and building international consensus, but "engaging in more gunboat diplomacy with the Iranians is a recipe for falling into an al Qaeda trap once more," Reidl said.
Thomas Donnelly, a resident fellow with the conservative American Enterprise Institute, described Reidel's contention as a "complex bank shot."
"The idea we should be wary of al Qaeda deception, luring us into various kinds of deeper involvement in the Islamic world, is an argument that's been used in regard to both Afghanistan and Iraq," he told Cybercast News Service.
"I don't think we should put much credence [in Reidel's theory]," Donnelly added. "At the very least, we can't really know if al Qaeda's strategy is following such a line."
At the same time, "we have a number of pressing concerns about Iran, from its nuclear program to its support for terrorist organizations like Hizballah and Hamas," he said.
"These kinds of concerns would far override how Osama bin Laden would react to U.S. military action against Iran - not that I'm anxious to get into such a conflict," Donnelly said.
"The danger for al Qaeda, of course, is that an extended American presence is actually a huge defeat for them, as has been the case in Afghanistan and is actually in Iraq," he added. "I'm also quite sure that the one thing al Qaeda would most celebrate as a victory is an American withdrawal from Iraq."
This article was written by Randy Hall, editor and staff writer at CNSNews.com
Al Qaeda terrorists are attempting to provoke a war between the United States and Iran in the hopes that they will "take each other out," a Middle East analyst said Thursday.
"The al Qaeda organization sees Iran as one of its great enemies," Bruce Reidel, a senior fellow with the Saban Center for Middle East Policy at the Brookings Institution, said during a conference call briefing.
This was because al Qaeda - "a very strict Sunni Islamist organization" - views Iran's Shia faith as apostasy, he said.
"What al Qaeda in Iraq now most fears is not the continuing deployment of American forces," he argued. "They've come to the conclusion we're going to leave, whether it's in 2008 or 2009."
Reidel said the terrorists' key concern is "what comes afterwards" and specifically the worry that Iraq will be "very Shia-dominated" and "very closely aligned with Iran."
"So they've openly talked about the advisability of getting their two great enemies to go to war with each other" in the hopes that they will "take each other out," he added.
"Al Qaeda would especially like a full-scale U.S. invasion and occupation of Iran, which would presumably oust the Shi'ite regime in Tehran, further antagonize Muslims worldwide and expand al Qaeda's battlefield against the United States," Reidel argued.
"The biggest danger," he added, "is that al Qaeda will deliberately provoke a war with a 'false-flag' operation - say, a terrorist attack carried out in a way that would make it appear as though it were Iran's doing.
"The United States should be extremely wary of such deception," Reidel said. "In the event of an attack, accurately assigning blame will require very careful intelligence work.
"In the ultimate world of al Qaeda, they envision freeing the Muslim world of Western influence and forcing Western powers out - and by that, they also mean Israel, which they see as the ultimate example of Western intrusion into the Muslim world," he asserted.
"During 2002, we had al Qaeda on the ropes in Afghanistan and Pakistan," Reidel said. "We should have relentlessly gone after the al Qaeda leadership. We should have put unremitting pressure on the Pakistanis to do everything they could, and we should have sourced, funded and manned the effort in Afghanistan to finish the job.
"Instead, we made a mistake, a decision to go after a war in Iraq that we didn't need to fight, which diverted resources and created a cause celebre that al Qaeda has exploited quite effectively," Reidel said.
The analyst suggested that to regain momentum in the war on terror, the West needs to "decapitate the leadership. We need to go after Osama bin Laden, Ayman al-Zawahiri and their lieutenants in the badlands of Pakistan.
"Secondly, we need to do more in the battle of ideas," he said. "Al Qaeda has been able to exploit the American and British invasion of Iraq as a recipe of western colonialism again."
Reidl also argued for "a phased, orderly withdrawal from Iraq ... in a way in which we enhance the legitimacy of the Iraqi government that we're going to leave behind."
He conceded that al Qaeda terrorists would claim credit "for any American defeat" but argued that "I think it's time we recognize that Iraq is more a trap than an opportunity."
Reidl praised the State Department for its handling of Iran.
"We now have two United Nations Security Council resolutions demanding that Iran cease development of its nuclear weapons program and starting to apply targeted, specific sanctions," he noted.
Such an approach will require patience and building international consensus, but "engaging in more gunboat diplomacy with the Iranians is a recipe for falling into an al Qaeda trap once more," Reidl said.
Thomas Donnelly, a resident fellow with the conservative American Enterprise Institute, described Reidel's contention as a "complex bank shot."
"The idea we should be wary of al Qaeda deception, luring us into various kinds of deeper involvement in the Islamic world, is an argument that's been used in regard to both Afghanistan and Iraq," he told Cybercast News Service.
"I don't think we should put much credence [in Reidel's theory]," Donnelly added. "At the very least, we can't really know if al Qaeda's strategy is following such a line."
At the same time, "we have a number of pressing concerns about Iran, from its nuclear program to its support for terrorist organizations like Hizballah and Hamas," he said.
"These kinds of concerns would far override how Osama bin Laden would react to U.S. military action against Iran - not that I'm anxious to get into such a conflict," Donnelly said.
"The danger for al Qaeda, of course, is that an extended American presence is actually a huge defeat for them, as has been the case in Afghanistan and is actually in Iraq," he added. "I'm also quite sure that the one thing al Qaeda would most celebrate as a victory is an American withdrawal from Iraq."
Late Night Jokes
Leno
The story that has rocked show business: Rosie O’Donnell announced that she’s leaving "The View.” The sad part: None of the other hosts on "The View” heard what she said because they were all talking at the same time.
In other news, President Bush sent out an e-mail today asking people to send money to the Republican Party. How come those e-mails never get deleted?
Former presidential candidate, Tom Vilsack announced this week that he will now endorse Hillary Clinton for president. When Hillary heard the news she said, "Who’s Tom Vilsack?”
Prime Minister Tony Blair says that bad drivers kill more people and are a bigger threat to the world than war and disease. In fact, I read that in the paper this morning in the car as I was driving to work.
Letterman
Beautiful day. It was warm and still. Actually the only breeze we had was from the Yankees blowing another game.
President Bush sneaked into town yesterday. He landed his helicopter right in Central Park. Security was very tight. He stepped out of the helicopter and Cheney covered him with his shotgun.
Big news: Rosie O’Donnell is leaving "The View.” After making that announcement, she shaved her head and checked into rehab.
Do you believe the turnover at that show? It makes the Iraqi government look stable.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons Rosie O'Donnell Is Leaving "The View"
10. Couldn't maintain rigorous one-hour-a-day work schedule
9. It's been awkward ever since she threw Joy Behar through a plate glass window
8. Gearing up for the Kucinich-O'Donnell 2008 campaign
7. Fed up with Elisabeth Hasselbeck being sweet
6. Taking time off to be with her fiance Donald Trump
5. She feels she can get more feuding done by working at home
4. No number four — writer too despondent after hearing the news
3. Can make more money wrasslin' gators in Florida
2. Tired of empty gin bottles in Barbara Walters' office
1. Tested positive for steroids
Conan
McDonald’s has just introduced a Happy Meal with toys inspired by "American Idol.” The toys include a microphone, sunglasses, and a Paula Abdul shot glass.
New York City Mike Bloomberg says he wants to copy an anti-poverty program that’s currently used in Mexico. He wants to use it here. Apparently Mexico has a great anti-poverty program — it’s called a bus ticket to Los Angeles.
Jessica Simpson’s father has offered to manage Britney Spears’ career. When asked why he wants to manage Britney, he said, "She‘s like the third untalented daughter I never had.”
Former N.J. Gov. Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife says in her new book that McGreevey is not really homosexual. She’s says he’s not really homosexual. McGreevey was furious and said, "How many guys do you have to screw to get your wife to call you gay?”
Ferguson
It’s a great day for Rosie O’Donnell. She’s off of "The View.” Right after Rosie announced that she’s leaving, Donald Trump went after her saying bad things . . . He will not let that go! Eventually, Rosie and Trump are going to have incredible make-up sex.
Rosie will run her fingers through his hair . . . Trump will grab it and say, "Give it back!”
I’ve heard rumors that Rosie might replace Bob Barker on "The Price Is Right.” You can never know, because Bob Barker anoints his successor. Everybody knows that. He picks his successor by biting them on the neck.
Astronomers made an amazing discovery. A new planet that may be able to support life. You know name scientists have given this planet? 581C. Can’t they do better than that? That doesn’t sound like a planet — that sounds like an apartment.
Kimmel
Rosie O’Donnell announced that her reign of terror is over. Let me be the first to say, congratulations, Rosie. In nine short months, you’ve transformed morning television from a peaceful land of movie plugs and menopause chat into a vile and sadistic battlefield littered with clumps of Donald Trump’s hair, Elisabeth Hasseklbeck, and piles and piles of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
Interesting that she made this announcement three days before the NFL draft.
Of course the other ladies on "The View,” pretended to be sad to see her go.
Leno
The story that has rocked show business: Rosie O’Donnell announced that she’s leaving "The View.” The sad part: None of the other hosts on "The View” heard what she said because they were all talking at the same time.
In other news, President Bush sent out an e-mail today asking people to send money to the Republican Party. How come those e-mails never get deleted?
Former presidential candidate, Tom Vilsack announced this week that he will now endorse Hillary Clinton for president. When Hillary heard the news she said, "Who’s Tom Vilsack?”
Prime Minister Tony Blair says that bad drivers kill more people and are a bigger threat to the world than war and disease. In fact, I read that in the paper this morning in the car as I was driving to work.
Letterman
Beautiful day. It was warm and still. Actually the only breeze we had was from the Yankees blowing another game.
President Bush sneaked into town yesterday. He landed his helicopter right in Central Park. Security was very tight. He stepped out of the helicopter and Cheney covered him with his shotgun.
Big news: Rosie O’Donnell is leaving "The View.” After making that announcement, she shaved her head and checked into rehab.
Do you believe the turnover at that show? It makes the Iraqi government look stable.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons Rosie O'Donnell Is Leaving "The View"
10. Couldn't maintain rigorous one-hour-a-day work schedule
9. It's been awkward ever since she threw Joy Behar through a plate glass window
8. Gearing up for the Kucinich-O'Donnell 2008 campaign
7. Fed up with Elisabeth Hasselbeck being sweet
6. Taking time off to be with her fiance Donald Trump
5. She feels she can get more feuding done by working at home
4. No number four — writer too despondent after hearing the news
3. Can make more money wrasslin' gators in Florida
2. Tired of empty gin bottles in Barbara Walters' office
1. Tested positive for steroids
Conan
McDonald’s has just introduced a Happy Meal with toys inspired by "American Idol.” The toys include a microphone, sunglasses, and a Paula Abdul shot glass.
New York City Mike Bloomberg says he wants to copy an anti-poverty program that’s currently used in Mexico. He wants to use it here. Apparently Mexico has a great anti-poverty program — it’s called a bus ticket to Los Angeles.
Jessica Simpson’s father has offered to manage Britney Spears’ career. When asked why he wants to manage Britney, he said, "She‘s like the third untalented daughter I never had.”
Former N.J. Gov. Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife says in her new book that McGreevey is not really homosexual. She’s says he’s not really homosexual. McGreevey was furious and said, "How many guys do you have to screw to get your wife to call you gay?”
Ferguson
It’s a great day for Rosie O’Donnell. She’s off of "The View.” Right after Rosie announced that she’s leaving, Donald Trump went after her saying bad things . . . He will not let that go! Eventually, Rosie and Trump are going to have incredible make-up sex.
Rosie will run her fingers through his hair . . . Trump will grab it and say, "Give it back!”
I’ve heard rumors that Rosie might replace Bob Barker on "The Price Is Right.” You can never know, because Bob Barker anoints his successor. Everybody knows that. He picks his successor by biting them on the neck.
Astronomers made an amazing discovery. A new planet that may be able to support life. You know name scientists have given this planet? 581C. Can’t they do better than that? That doesn’t sound like a planet — that sounds like an apartment.
Kimmel
Rosie O’Donnell announced that her reign of terror is over. Let me be the first to say, congratulations, Rosie. In nine short months, you’ve transformed morning television from a peaceful land of movie plugs and menopause chat into a vile and sadistic battlefield littered with clumps of Donald Trump’s hair, Elisabeth Hasseklbeck, and piles and piles of Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
Interesting that she made this announcement three days before the NFL draft.
Of course the other ladies on "The View,” pretended to be sad to see her go.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Giuliani Blasts Democrats' 'Socialized Medicine'
Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani on Friday accused his Democratic rivals of embracing health care plans that would amount to socialized medicine.
The former New York City mayor, responding to comments in the first Democratic primary debate Thursday night, claimed Democrats favor "mandatory" universal health care and the plans would only exacerbate the cost of care by putting the system in the hands of bureaucrats.
"They're moving toward socialized medicine so fast, it'll make your head spin," Giuliani said, adding that private solutions could help bring down the cost of care. "When we want to cover poor people, as we should, we give them vouchers."
Democratic candidates renewed their calls for universal health care during a debate in South Carolina, saying that a new system would help streamline costs and cover the nation's 45 million uninsured.
Among the top-tier Democratic candidates, John Edwards has offered a specific health care plan that would require everyone to have health insurance.
Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., used the debate to describe a health care plan that would increase coverage by allowing the uninsured to buy into a plan similar to the one for federal employees, improve technology to cut costs and provide government-funded catastrophic insurance to prevent business from going bankrupt when they offer health insurance.
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York has not offered a specific proposal, saying she is still listening to voters on the issue.
Earlier this week, Giuliani drew a sharp rebuke from the Democratic candidates for suggesting that the United States could face another major terrorist attack if a Democrat is elected in 2008.
He didn't back down from the comments.
On Friday, Giuliani also argued that Democrats are unwilling to reform the nation's education system with charter schools. He said that as mayor he struggled to reform New York's schools.
"We weren't really able to fundamentally reform them," Giuliani said, adding that he was naive to think he could. "They have to be (reformed) if they are going to be a ladder out of poverty."
Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani on Friday accused his Democratic rivals of embracing health care plans that would amount to socialized medicine.
The former New York City mayor, responding to comments in the first Democratic primary debate Thursday night, claimed Democrats favor "mandatory" universal health care and the plans would only exacerbate the cost of care by putting the system in the hands of bureaucrats.
"They're moving toward socialized medicine so fast, it'll make your head spin," Giuliani said, adding that private solutions could help bring down the cost of care. "When we want to cover poor people, as we should, we give them vouchers."
Democratic candidates renewed their calls for universal health care during a debate in South Carolina, saying that a new system would help streamline costs and cover the nation's 45 million uninsured.
Among the top-tier Democratic candidates, John Edwards has offered a specific health care plan that would require everyone to have health insurance.
Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., used the debate to describe a health care plan that would increase coverage by allowing the uninsured to buy into a plan similar to the one for federal employees, improve technology to cut costs and provide government-funded catastrophic insurance to prevent business from going bankrupt when they offer health insurance.
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York has not offered a specific proposal, saying she is still listening to voters on the issue.
Earlier this week, Giuliani drew a sharp rebuke from the Democratic candidates for suggesting that the United States could face another major terrorist attack if a Democrat is elected in 2008.
He didn't back down from the comments.
On Friday, Giuliani also argued that Democrats are unwilling to reform the nation's education system with charter schools. He said that as mayor he struggled to reform New York's schools.
"We weren't really able to fundamentally reform them," Giuliani said, adding that he was naive to think he could. "They have to be (reformed) if they are going to be a ladder out of poverty."
Late Night Jokes
Leno
Finally a beautiful day in Los Angeles. It was actually hot today. It was so hot, I was sweating like Alec Baldwin on "take your daughter to work” day.
The price of gasoline continues to rise here in Los Angeles, $3.70 a gallon. Highest in the nation. In fact, I saw John Edwards driving a Prius to get a $400 haircut.
At a speech in New York City, Hillary Clinton said that when she gets to the White House in 2009 she’s afraid to see what’s she’s going to find under the rug in the Oval Office. I don’t think the Clintons are the best people to be talking about the rug in the Oval Office.
In a speech Sunday, before a church group, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome said that he is going to make San Francisco a sanctuary for illegal immigrants so they can go there and not worry about being deported to their home country of Los Angeles.
Letterman
The mayor of New York City, Mayor Bloomberg, has announced that he wants to plant a million trees in New York City. A million trees in New York City. Or as Donald Trump calls it, a blight on the landscape.
News from Washington D.C.: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says that despite the criticism of his performance, he will not resign. Despite the criticism, he will not resign. It’s like I have a twin.
Hillary Clinton says that if she’s elected, she will name her husband "roving ambassador to the world." Former President Bill Clinton will be the roving ambassador to the world. Let me think about this . . . Bill Clinton traveling around the world without his wife . . . No, I can’t see anything going wrong there.
President Bush is in town. He attended a big fundraiser on Park Avenue as part of his pet program, "No Cash Left Behind.”
Conan
Busy day at the White House. Earlier today President bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited president Bush to visit Machu Pichu Bush said, "Great! I love Pokemon.”
Bill Clinton announced he would be traveling to Russia to attend the funeral of former president of Russia, Boris Yeltsin. At least that’s what he’s telling Hillary.
While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles working on "American Idol,” his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves, but Cowell described them as "amateurish and uninspired."
Archaeologists in Miami have unearthed part of a human skeleton that is almost 3,000 years old. Apparently they found the 3,000-year-old skeleton when they X-rayed Larry King.
Ferguson
Not such a great day for the "Girls Gone Wild” guy, Joe Francis. He got sentenced to 35 days in jail for contempt of court in Florida. And he cried. He didn’t want to be photographed going to jail so he pulled his T-shirt up over his head.
I saw this headline about bees today. "Bees Vanish.” Bees are disappearing! This is worrying for me. I’m a B-list celebrity!
Worker bees are disappearing. But the hives are still filled with queen bees. So it’s just a bunch of queen bees lying around, not doing any work. Bunch of queens lyiong around not doing any work . . . It’s like Hollywood!
Kimmel
World class entertainers gathered this weekend for a good cause, the annual White House Press Correspondents Dinner. Last year, Stephen Colbert was the headline. I guess he may have been a little too funny for their liking, because this year they went with a slightly safer choice. They’ve exhumed Rich Little to be the emcee. Now when we finally need Dick Cheney to shoot an old man, he’s nowhere to be found.
Sheryl Crow was at this dinner. I guess she was there to raise awareness about global warming. She has an interesting plan. Sheryl Crow is encouraging people to only use one square of toilet paper when they go to the bathroom. So in other words, don’t ever shake Sheryl Crow’s hand.
This explains why Lance Armstrong never let her sit on his bicycle seat.
Leno
Finally a beautiful day in Los Angeles. It was actually hot today. It was so hot, I was sweating like Alec Baldwin on "take your daughter to work” day.
The price of gasoline continues to rise here in Los Angeles, $3.70 a gallon. Highest in the nation. In fact, I saw John Edwards driving a Prius to get a $400 haircut.
At a speech in New York City, Hillary Clinton said that when she gets to the White House in 2009 she’s afraid to see what’s she’s going to find under the rug in the Oval Office. I don’t think the Clintons are the best people to be talking about the rug in the Oval Office.
In a speech Sunday, before a church group, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome said that he is going to make San Francisco a sanctuary for illegal immigrants so they can go there and not worry about being deported to their home country of Los Angeles.
Letterman
The mayor of New York City, Mayor Bloomberg, has announced that he wants to plant a million trees in New York City. A million trees in New York City. Or as Donald Trump calls it, a blight on the landscape.
News from Washington D.C.: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says that despite the criticism of his performance, he will not resign. Despite the criticism, he will not resign. It’s like I have a twin.
Hillary Clinton says that if she’s elected, she will name her husband "roving ambassador to the world." Former President Bill Clinton will be the roving ambassador to the world. Let me think about this . . . Bill Clinton traveling around the world without his wife . . . No, I can’t see anything going wrong there.
President Bush is in town. He attended a big fundraiser on Park Avenue as part of his pet program, "No Cash Left Behind.”
Conan
Busy day at the White House. Earlier today President bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited president Bush to visit Machu Pichu Bush said, "Great! I love Pokemon.”
Bill Clinton announced he would be traveling to Russia to attend the funeral of former president of Russia, Boris Yeltsin. At least that’s what he’s telling Hillary.
While Simon Cowell was in Los Angeles working on "American Idol,” his home in London was robbed. Police say it was the work of professional thieves, but Cowell described them as "amateurish and uninspired."
Archaeologists in Miami have unearthed part of a human skeleton that is almost 3,000 years old. Apparently they found the 3,000-year-old skeleton when they X-rayed Larry King.
Ferguson
Not such a great day for the "Girls Gone Wild” guy, Joe Francis. He got sentenced to 35 days in jail for contempt of court in Florida. And he cried. He didn’t want to be photographed going to jail so he pulled his T-shirt up over his head.
I saw this headline about bees today. "Bees Vanish.” Bees are disappearing! This is worrying for me. I’m a B-list celebrity!
Worker bees are disappearing. But the hives are still filled with queen bees. So it’s just a bunch of queen bees lying around, not doing any work. Bunch of queens lyiong around not doing any work . . . It’s like Hollywood!
Kimmel
World class entertainers gathered this weekend for a good cause, the annual White House Press Correspondents Dinner. Last year, Stephen Colbert was the headline. I guess he may have been a little too funny for their liking, because this year they went with a slightly safer choice. They’ve exhumed Rich Little to be the emcee. Now when we finally need Dick Cheney to shoot an old man, he’s nowhere to be found.
Sheryl Crow was at this dinner. I guess she was there to raise awareness about global warming. She has an interesting plan. Sheryl Crow is encouraging people to only use one square of toilet paper when they go to the bathroom. So in other words, don’t ever shake Sheryl Crow’s hand.
This explains why Lance Armstrong never let her sit on his bicycle seat.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
'Punish' Florida If It Moves Primary
Not only will Florida be punished if it moves up its presidential primary, but Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean said any Democratic candidate who steps foot in the state will be too.
Dean acknowledges that Florida is the state most likely to jump ahead of states like California and New York which are moving up to the Feb. 5 primary, but it, and any other state, will do so at a cost.
He said he supports a Jan. 19 caucus in Nevada and a Jan. 29 primary in South Carolina because it adds more diversity to the process.
Florida lawmakers make a similar argument. The state has a mix of cultures, ethnicity and race; urban and rural areas; and Southerners and transplants from the north that make it look much like the country as a whole. That, and its size they say, should give it more say in deciding the presidency.
Not only will Florida be punished if it moves up its presidential primary, but Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean said any Democratic candidate who steps foot in the state will be too.
Dean acknowledges that Florida is the state most likely to jump ahead of states like California and New York which are moving up to the Feb. 5 primary, but it, and any other state, will do so at a cost.
He said he supports a Jan. 19 caucus in Nevada and a Jan. 29 primary in South Carolina because it adds more diversity to the process.
Florida lawmakers make a similar argument. The state has a mix of cultures, ethnicity and race; urban and rural areas; and Southerners and transplants from the north that make it look much like the country as a whole. That, and its size they say, should give it more say in deciding the presidency.
Late Night Jokes
Leno
All the big candidates were out campaigning on the big Earth Day weekend. They had some good ideas. John McCain suggested we bomb Iran using just hybrid planes.
Newt Gingrich says the next time he cheats on his wife, he’ll leave the lights off to save energy.
Hillary Clinton has vowed to wear only organically grown pantsuits.
Did you see Bill Clinton picking up some trash on the beach? Did you see that? Then he gave her cab fare home.
Letterman
It was hot today. Coming to work today, I see a rabbi rolling a keg of beer down the street.
So hot Kelly Ripa was cohosting with Ted Williams.
It’s the allergy season. It’s so bad here in New York City that the crack dealers have started to sell antihistamines.
President Bush is standing behind Attorney General Roberto Gonzales. He says Alberto Gonzales is an honorable man. And you know what that means — George is drinking again.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Things I Learned From "American Idol"
10. The camera adds 10 pounds to your mohawk
9. Work hard and make sacrifices; you can finish in 7th place
8. It's very important to "keep it real, dawg."
7. I should have gone for the Immunity Idol — oh wait, that's "Survivor"
6. On-camera Simon is a bit nasty, but off-camera, he's a total jerk
5. Voting for yourself 100 times an hour causes some wicked carpal tunnel
4. When you forget the words, just do this (Sanjaya belts out, "OHHHHHHH")
3. Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"
2. Nothing
1. America loves performers with bad hair — right, Dave?
Ferguson
I had a week off last week; I was on vacation. I went to New York, and I was on the David Letterman show. Dave keeps that studio freezing cold. It’s freezing in there! I think that’s where they store Bob Barker [host of "Price Is Right”].
I did "The View” while I was there. It was kind of nice, because last time I was on "The View,” it was breastfeeding week. Don’t get me wrong, I like breasts, and I like feeding, but when they’re put together on a show, I kind of feel I’m not needed.
Last weekend I was in Las Vegas. I was doing some standup shows. I love Las Vegas. I love the celebrity impersonators. I love the billboards they’ve got up on The Strip. They got a guy who looks like Frank Sinatra, and the guy who looks a bit like Madonna . . .
Leno
All the big candidates were out campaigning on the big Earth Day weekend. They had some good ideas. John McCain suggested we bomb Iran using just hybrid planes.
Newt Gingrich says the next time he cheats on his wife, he’ll leave the lights off to save energy.
Hillary Clinton has vowed to wear only organically grown pantsuits.
Did you see Bill Clinton picking up some trash on the beach? Did you see that? Then he gave her cab fare home.
Letterman
It was hot today. Coming to work today, I see a rabbi rolling a keg of beer down the street.
So hot Kelly Ripa was cohosting with Ted Williams.
It’s the allergy season. It’s so bad here in New York City that the crack dealers have started to sell antihistamines.
President Bush is standing behind Attorney General Roberto Gonzales. He says Alberto Gonzales is an honorable man. And you know what that means — George is drinking again.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Things I Learned From "American Idol"
10. The camera adds 10 pounds to your mohawk
9. Work hard and make sacrifices; you can finish in 7th place
8. It's very important to "keep it real, dawg."
7. I should have gone for the Immunity Idol — oh wait, that's "Survivor"
6. On-camera Simon is a bit nasty, but off-camera, he's a total jerk
5. Voting for yourself 100 times an hour causes some wicked carpal tunnel
4. When you forget the words, just do this (Sanjaya belts out, "OHHHHHHH")
3. Honestly, I thought I was auditioning for "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"
2. Nothing
1. America loves performers with bad hair — right, Dave?
Ferguson
I had a week off last week; I was on vacation. I went to New York, and I was on the David Letterman show. Dave keeps that studio freezing cold. It’s freezing in there! I think that’s where they store Bob Barker [host of "Price Is Right”].
I did "The View” while I was there. It was kind of nice, because last time I was on "The View,” it was breastfeeding week. Don’t get me wrong, I like breasts, and I like feeding, but when they’re put together on a show, I kind of feel I’m not needed.
Last weekend I was in Las Vegas. I was doing some standup shows. I love Las Vegas. I love the celebrity impersonators. I love the billboards they’ve got up on The Strip. They got a guy who looks like Frank Sinatra, and the guy who looks a bit like Madonna . . .
Monday, April 23, 2007
Catholic Archbishop Blasts Sheryl Crow
NewsMax - Calling Sheryl Crow "a high profile proponent of the destruction of innocent lives," the Roman Catholic archbishop of St. Louis resigned as head of a children's medical charity that featured the singer for a benefit concert.
Archbishop Raymond Burke resigned as chairman of the Cardinal Glennon Children's Foundation after its board of governors refused to pull the plug on Crow's Saturday concert in St. Louis.
She is "well-known as an abortion activist" and proponent of stem cell research, he said in a statement on Wednesday, and her appearance is "an affront to the identity and mission of the medical center, dedicated as it is to the service of life and Christ's healing mission."
Burke's conservative views are well known. He suggested during the 2004 presidential campaign that Democratic candidate John Kerry, a Catholic, should be denied communion because of his views on abortion.
"When, for economic gain, a Catholic institution associates itself with such a high profile proponent of the destruction of innocent lives, members of the church and other people of good will have the right to be confirmed in their commitment to the gospel of life," he added.
A fact sheet distributed by the archdiocese said Crow's views amount to "giving scandal," which it said the Catholic Catechism defines as "an attitude or behavior which leads another to evil."
NewsMax - Calling Sheryl Crow "a high profile proponent of the destruction of innocent lives," the Roman Catholic archbishop of St. Louis resigned as head of a children's medical charity that featured the singer for a benefit concert.
Archbishop Raymond Burke resigned as chairman of the Cardinal Glennon Children's Foundation after its board of governors refused to pull the plug on Crow's Saturday concert in St. Louis.
She is "well-known as an abortion activist" and proponent of stem cell research, he said in a statement on Wednesday, and her appearance is "an affront to the identity and mission of the medical center, dedicated as it is to the service of life and Christ's healing mission."
Burke's conservative views are well known. He suggested during the 2004 presidential campaign that Democratic candidate John Kerry, a Catholic, should be denied communion because of his views on abortion.
"When, for economic gain, a Catholic institution associates itself with such a high profile proponent of the destruction of innocent lives, members of the church and other people of good will have the right to be confirmed in their commitment to the gospel of life," he added.
A fact sheet distributed by the archdiocese said Crow's views amount to "giving scandal," which it said the Catholic Catechism defines as "an attitude or behavior which leads another to evil."
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Democrats Furious over Giuliani Remark
Democratic presidential candidates on Wednesday rebuked Republican rival Rudy Giuliani for suggesting that the United States could face another major terrorist attack if a Democrat is elected in 2008. The former New York mayor did not back down.
Illinois Sen. Barack Obama said Giuliani, who was in office on Sept. 11, 2001, should not be making the terrorist threat into "the punchline of another political attack."
"Rudy Giuliani today has taken the politics of fear to a new low and I believe Americans are ready to reject those kind of politics," Obama said in a statement.
Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards said Giuliani knows better than to suggest there is a "superior Republican way to fight terrorism." Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said protecting the country from terrorism "shouldn't be a political football."
"It should be a solemn responsibility that all of us pledge to fulfill regardless of what party we're in," she said when asked about her fellow New Yorker's comment at a Capitol Hill news conference.
Giuliani stood by his comments Wednesday, saying Democrats don't understand the threat posed by terrorists.
"They do not seem to get the fact that there are people, terrorists in this world, really dangerous people that want to come here and kill us," Giuliani said on "The Sean Hannity Show," according to a transcript distributed by his campaign. "They want to take us back to not being as alert which to me will just extend this war much, much longer."
He was defending his remark Tuesday in New Hampshire, where he echoed sentiments expressed by other Republicans in election time. The former mayor said if a Democrat is elected, "it sounds to me like we're going on defense. We're going to wave the white flag there."
But, he said, if a Republican wins, "we will remain on offense" trying to anticipate what the terrorists are going to do and "trying to stop them before they do it."
In 2004, President Bush was re-elected after claiming that Democratic Sen. John Kerry would waver in the face of terrorist threats. Vice President Dick Cheney suggested a vote for Kerry would risk another terrorist attack.
In the 2006 election, Bush political strategist Karl Rove accused Democrats of clinging to a pre-Sept. 11 mind-set - but Democrats came out on top in the majority of midterm races.
"America's mayor should know that when it comes to 9-11 and fighting terrorists, America is united," Obama said. "We know we can win this war based on shared purpose, not the same divisive politics that question your patriotism if you dare to question failed policies that have made us less secure."
Edwards, the 2004 vice presidential nominee making a second run for the White House, said it's wrong to suggest Republicans are better at fighting terror.
"The current Republican administration led us into a war in Iraq that has made us less safe and undermined the fight against al-Qaida," Edwards said in a statement. "If that's the Republican way to fight terror, Giuliani should know that the American people are looking for a better plan."
The Democratic National Committee accused Giuliani of failing to prepare for the World Trade Center attacks, among other criticisms of his record.
"So far Rudy's rhetoric sounds like more of the same failed policies, incompetence and arrogance we've had to suffer for the past six years," said DNC spokeswoman Karen Finney.
Another Republican presidential candidate, Arizona Sen. John McCain, wouldn't say whether he agreed with Giuliani's suggestion. "I can't judge whether somebody else would cause an attack on America," McCain told reporters aboard his campaign bus in New Hampshire.
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who succeeded Giuliani and also is a potential presidential candidate, said he doesn't see terrorism as a partisan issue.
"There are some people I think who would do a better job fighting terrorism than others, but I don't think there's any party affiliations, no partisanship in that," Bloomberg said.
Democratic presidential candidates on Wednesday rebuked Republican rival Rudy Giuliani for suggesting that the United States could face another major terrorist attack if a Democrat is elected in 2008. The former New York mayor did not back down.
Illinois Sen. Barack Obama said Giuliani, who was in office on Sept. 11, 2001, should not be making the terrorist threat into "the punchline of another political attack."
"Rudy Giuliani today has taken the politics of fear to a new low and I believe Americans are ready to reject those kind of politics," Obama said in a statement.
Former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards said Giuliani knows better than to suggest there is a "superior Republican way to fight terrorism." Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton said protecting the country from terrorism "shouldn't be a political football."
"It should be a solemn responsibility that all of us pledge to fulfill regardless of what party we're in," she said when asked about her fellow New Yorker's comment at a Capitol Hill news conference.
Giuliani stood by his comments Wednesday, saying Democrats don't understand the threat posed by terrorists.
"They do not seem to get the fact that there are people, terrorists in this world, really dangerous people that want to come here and kill us," Giuliani said on "The Sean Hannity Show," according to a transcript distributed by his campaign. "They want to take us back to not being as alert which to me will just extend this war much, much longer."
He was defending his remark Tuesday in New Hampshire, where he echoed sentiments expressed by other Republicans in election time. The former mayor said if a Democrat is elected, "it sounds to me like we're going on defense. We're going to wave the white flag there."
But, he said, if a Republican wins, "we will remain on offense" trying to anticipate what the terrorists are going to do and "trying to stop them before they do it."
In 2004, President Bush was re-elected after claiming that Democratic Sen. John Kerry would waver in the face of terrorist threats. Vice President Dick Cheney suggested a vote for Kerry would risk another terrorist attack.
In the 2006 election, Bush political strategist Karl Rove accused Democrats of clinging to a pre-Sept. 11 mind-set - but Democrats came out on top in the majority of midterm races.
"America's mayor should know that when it comes to 9-11 and fighting terrorists, America is united," Obama said. "We know we can win this war based on shared purpose, not the same divisive politics that question your patriotism if you dare to question failed policies that have made us less secure."
Edwards, the 2004 vice presidential nominee making a second run for the White House, said it's wrong to suggest Republicans are better at fighting terror.
"The current Republican administration led us into a war in Iraq that has made us less safe and undermined the fight against al-Qaida," Edwards said in a statement. "If that's the Republican way to fight terror, Giuliani should know that the American people are looking for a better plan."
The Democratic National Committee accused Giuliani of failing to prepare for the World Trade Center attacks, among other criticisms of his record.
"So far Rudy's rhetoric sounds like more of the same failed policies, incompetence and arrogance we've had to suffer for the past six years," said DNC spokeswoman Karen Finney.
Another Republican presidential candidate, Arizona Sen. John McCain, wouldn't say whether he agreed with Giuliani's suggestion. "I can't judge whether somebody else would cause an attack on America," McCain told reporters aboard his campaign bus in New Hampshire.
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg, who succeeded Giuliani and also is a potential presidential candidate, said he doesn't see terrorism as a partisan issue.
"There are some people I think who would do a better job fighting terrorism than others, but I don't think there's any party affiliations, no partisanship in that," Bloomberg said.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Rove Debates Warming with Crow, David
Their college tour ended, Sheryl Crow and Laurie David describe their efforts to stop global warming as part of the "most important mission" of the times. That's the hope of Grammy-winning rocker Crow and David, who produced "An Inconvenient Truth," the global warming movie that won the Oscar for best documentary.
"It's great to go out and play music, and I love that, too. And it's also nice to make money. But this is not that," Crow said in an interview on Sunday. "This is a whole bunch of people dedicating their time, their lives, working for free, for a mission. And it is the most important mission."
The pair rode a biodiesel bus on an 11-stop college tour to raise awareness about global warming by engaging students on the topic. It began earlier this month at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and was timed to end on Earth Day.
Crow and David spoke before appearing at the tour's last show at George Washington University with country stars Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. Singer Carole King and David's husband, Larry, along with environmental advocate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. also were on hand.
Laurie David said that "federal inaction is no longer acceptable" and they are pressing for Congress to enact a bill to impose mandatory curbs on carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases within two years. She predicted the 2008 election would revolve around three main issues: jobs, terrorism and temperature.
"I just feel like if this isn't addressed by this administration, if this administration isn't hearing this message loud and clear, then I feel like there's an irresponsibility," Crow said.
The two women also planned to meet with House Energy Chairman John Dingell, D-Mich., and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., on Monday.
They unsuccessfully tried to change the thinking of Karl Rove, President Bush's top adviser, at a correspondents' dinner Saturday night. "I honestly thought that I was going to change his mind, like, right there and then," Laurie David said.
Their college tour ended, Sheryl Crow and Laurie David describe their efforts to stop global warming as part of the "most important mission" of the times. That's the hope of Grammy-winning rocker Crow and David, who produced "An Inconvenient Truth," the global warming movie that won the Oscar for best documentary.
"It's great to go out and play music, and I love that, too. And it's also nice to make money. But this is not that," Crow said in an interview on Sunday. "This is a whole bunch of people dedicating their time, their lives, working for free, for a mission. And it is the most important mission."
The pair rode a biodiesel bus on an 11-stop college tour to raise awareness about global warming by engaging students on the topic. It began earlier this month at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, and was timed to end on Earth Day.
Crow and David spoke before appearing at the tour's last show at George Washington University with country stars Tim McGraw and Faith Hill. Singer Carole King and David's husband, Larry, along with environmental advocate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. also were on hand.
Laurie David said that "federal inaction is no longer acceptable" and they are pressing for Congress to enact a bill to impose mandatory curbs on carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases within two years. She predicted the 2008 election would revolve around three main issues: jobs, terrorism and temperature.
"I just feel like if this isn't addressed by this administration, if this administration isn't hearing this message loud and clear, then I feel like there's an irresponsibility," Crow said.
The two women also planned to meet with House Energy Chairman John Dingell, D-Mich., and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., on Monday.
They unsuccessfully tried to change the thinking of Karl Rove, President Bush's top adviser, at a correspondents' dinner Saturday night. "I honestly thought that I was going to change his mind, like, right there and then," Laurie David said.
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
I talked about this last night. John Edwards got a $400 haircut. Now the latest is, Hillary Clinton may have spent $200 getting her back waxed.
A new study says that heart disease is related to erectile dysfunction. No wonder Dick Cheney has been so grumpy all the time.
According to a news report out today, on the average, 2006 was the safest year for airlines. It’s mostly due to JetBlue. You can’t have an accident if you never leave the runway.
Wal-Mart announced this week they’re going to open thousands of health-care clinics in their stores. Apparently they got a great deal on some really cheap doctors from China.
Letterman
Sunday is Earth Day. In honor of Earth Day, all of today’s jokes have been recycled.
In honor of Earth Day, Donald Trump’s hair was declared a protected wetland.
Spring is nice. So nice earlier today over at Grant’s Tomb, Grant was out front with his Igloo cooler.
Spring is horrible for allergies. Doubly bad here in the city because we have to deal with rat dander.
Leno
I talked about this last night. John Edwards got a $400 haircut. Now the latest is, Hillary Clinton may have spent $200 getting her back waxed.
A new study says that heart disease is related to erectile dysfunction. No wonder Dick Cheney has been so grumpy all the time.
According to a news report out today, on the average, 2006 was the safest year for airlines. It’s mostly due to JetBlue. You can’t have an accident if you never leave the runway.
Wal-Mart announced this week they’re going to open thousands of health-care clinics in their stores. Apparently they got a great deal on some really cheap doctors from China.
Letterman
Sunday is Earth Day. In honor of Earth Day, all of today’s jokes have been recycled.
In honor of Earth Day, Donald Trump’s hair was declared a protected wetland.
Spring is nice. So nice earlier today over at Grant’s Tomb, Grant was out front with his Igloo cooler.
Spring is horrible for allergies. Doubly bad here in the city because we have to deal with rat dander.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Sen. Harry Reid on Iraq: 'This War Is Lost'
U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said on Thursday he told President George W. Bush the Iraq war was lost and the recent U.S. troop increase had accomplished nothing.
Reid, the Senate's top Democrat, described part of a meeting with Bush at the White House on Wednesday - the same day bombs killed almost 200 people in Baghdad in the worst day of violence since a U.S.-backed security crackdown was launched there earlier this year.
"This is the message I took to the president," Reid said at a news conference.
"Now I believe myself . . . that this war is lost, and that the surge is not accomplishing anything, as indicated by the extreme violence in Iraq yesterday," said Reid, of Nevada.
"I know I was like the odd guy out yesterday at the White House, but at least I told him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted to hear," he added.
Suspected Sunni al Qaeda militants detonated a string of bombs in mostly Shi'ite areas of Baghdad on Wednesday. The worst was a truck bombing that killed 140 people in the deadliest single insurgent attack since the 2003 U.S.-led invasion.
In their meeting, Bush and congressional Democrats failed to settle their fight over funding for the Iraq war, as lawmakers pressed Bush to accept a troop withdrawal timetable.
The White House and its Republican allies call such timetables "surrender dates" and say Bush will reject them. The president accuses Democrats of trying to micromanage the war, and has vowed to veto any bill that includes a pullout date.
"The (Iraq) war can only be won diplomatically, politically and economically, and the president needs to come to that realization," Reid said.
Bush is adding 30,000 troops to the war effort, mostly in Baghdad, although not all have arrived. Washington has 146,000 troops in Iraq and more than 3,200 U.S. soldiers have lost their lives there.
Reid said he did not think more U.S. troops could help. "I think it's failed, I say that without any question," he said of the troop increase.
Reid said his message for Bush was to recall a turning point in the Vietnam War, in the mid 1960s, when Reid said President Lyndon Johnson decided to send thousands more troops to Vietnam despite knowing the conflict was not winnable.
U.S. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said on Thursday he told President George W. Bush the Iraq war was lost and the recent U.S. troop increase had accomplished nothing.
Reid, the Senate's top Democrat, described part of a meeting with Bush at the White House on Wednesday - the same day bombs killed almost 200 people in Baghdad in the worst day of violence since a U.S.-backed security crackdown was launched there earlier this year.
"This is the message I took to the president," Reid said at a news conference.
"Now I believe myself . . . that this war is lost, and that the surge is not accomplishing anything, as indicated by the extreme violence in Iraq yesterday," said Reid, of Nevada.
"I know I was like the odd guy out yesterday at the White House, but at least I told him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted to hear," he added.
Suspected Sunni al Qaeda militants detonated a string of bombs in mostly Shi'ite areas of Baghdad on Wednesday. The worst was a truck bombing that killed 140 people in the deadliest single insurgent attack since the 2003 U.S.-led invasion.
In their meeting, Bush and congressional Democrats failed to settle their fight over funding for the Iraq war, as lawmakers pressed Bush to accept a troop withdrawal timetable.
The White House and its Republican allies call such timetables "surrender dates" and say Bush will reject them. The president accuses Democrats of trying to micromanage the war, and has vowed to veto any bill that includes a pullout date.
"The (Iraq) war can only be won diplomatically, politically and economically, and the president needs to come to that realization," Reid said.
Bush is adding 30,000 troops to the war effort, mostly in Baghdad, although not all have arrived. Washington has 146,000 troops in Iraq and more than 3,200 U.S. soldiers have lost their lives there.
Reid said he did not think more U.S. troops could help. "I think it's failed, I say that without any question," he said of the troop increase.
Reid said his message for Bush was to recall a turning point in the Vietnam War, in the mid 1960s, when Reid said President Lyndon Johnson decided to send thousands more troops to Vietnam despite knowing the conflict was not winnable.
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
On Capitol Hill Attorney General Alberto Gonzales raised his right hand, swore to tell the truth, and then everybody had a good laugh and went back to what they were doing.
He testified that he had nothing to hide. Well, not any more, he deleted everything.
Laura Bush said in an interview today that she can’t fall asleep without reading. As opposed to her husband who can’t read without falling asleep.
Campaign records reveal John Edwards is using campaign money to get $400 haircuts. Edwards insists that this is in keeping with his view that there are two Americas: one that pays $400 for a haircut and the other America that spends its money on stupid things like rent and food.
Letterman
Six days of rain! We’ve had so much water, today the Statue of Liberty, honest to God, was holding up her skirt.
Earlier today, the Rutgers women’s basketball team received an apology from Al Roker.
It was so gloomy and depressing today, Katie Couric was downgraded from perky to peppy.
They say that John Edwards gets expensive facials. What is the deal with Democratic candidates? A male candidate gets facials and the female candidates wear pantsuits.
Kimmel
It’s been 24 hours since Ryan Seacrest told Sanjaya to get out and go home. But now I have zero interest in American Idol! It’s like "Nightmare on Elm Street” without Freddy Kruger.
Tyra Banks is making her case for the most annoying person on television. She has her own daytime talk show, and I think she has a line of fat suits she’s selling now.
I was struck by the plight of one aspiring model named Britney. Britney had a little trouble remembering her dialogue. They were doing like a fake makeup commercial. [Video of Britney: "I just had a really hard time with it because of my short-term memory loss. I got hit by a car when I was 17, and I cracked my head open and got about eight staples in my head, and that affected my short-term memory." Tyra asks another question and video repeats over and over the same line by Britney.]
Leno
On Capitol Hill Attorney General Alberto Gonzales raised his right hand, swore to tell the truth, and then everybody had a good laugh and went back to what they were doing.
He testified that he had nothing to hide. Well, not any more, he deleted everything.
Laura Bush said in an interview today that she can’t fall asleep without reading. As opposed to her husband who can’t read without falling asleep.
Campaign records reveal John Edwards is using campaign money to get $400 haircuts. Edwards insists that this is in keeping with his view that there are two Americas: one that pays $400 for a haircut and the other America that spends its money on stupid things like rent and food.
Letterman
Six days of rain! We’ve had so much water, today the Statue of Liberty, honest to God, was holding up her skirt.
Earlier today, the Rutgers women’s basketball team received an apology from Al Roker.
It was so gloomy and depressing today, Katie Couric was downgraded from perky to peppy.
They say that John Edwards gets expensive facials. What is the deal with Democratic candidates? A male candidate gets facials and the female candidates wear pantsuits.
Kimmel
It’s been 24 hours since Ryan Seacrest told Sanjaya to get out and go home. But now I have zero interest in American Idol! It’s like "Nightmare on Elm Street” without Freddy Kruger.
Tyra Banks is making her case for the most annoying person on television. She has her own daytime talk show, and I think she has a line of fat suits she’s selling now.
I was struck by the plight of one aspiring model named Britney. Britney had a little trouble remembering her dialogue. They were doing like a fake makeup commercial. [Video of Britney: "I just had a really hard time with it because of my short-term memory loss. I got hit by a car when I was 17, and I cracked my head open and got about eight staples in my head, and that affected my short-term memory." Tyra asks another question and video repeats over and over the same line by Britney.]
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Fox News Stops Broadcast of Cho Videos
With a backlash developing against the media for airing sickening pictures from Virginia Tech shooter Cho Seung-Hui, Fox News Channel said Thursday it would stop and other networks said they would severely limit their use.
NBC News was the recipient Wednesday of Cho's package of rambling, hate-filled video and written messages, with several pictures of him posing with a gun. Contents began airing on "Nightly News," and its rivals quickly used them, too.
Family members of victims canceled plans to appear on NBC's "Today" show Thursday because they "were very upset" with the network for showing the pictures, "Today" host Meredith Vieira said.
Virginia State Police Col. Steve Flaherty - who praised NBC Wednesday for coming to authorities first with the package - said Thursday he was disappointed with what the network showed.
"I just hate that a lot of people not used to seeing that type of image had to see it," he said.
NBC said the material was aired because it helped to answer the question of why Cho killed 32 people and himself on the Virginia Tech campus Monday.
"The decision to run this video was reached by virtually every news organization in the world, as evidenced by coverage on television, on Web sites and in newspapers," NBC said in a statement.
"We have covered this story - and our unique role in it - with extreme sensitivity, underscored by our devoted efforts to remember and honor the victims and heroes of this tragic incident."
NBC and its MSNBC cable outlet will "severely limit" use of these pictures going forward,
"Today" host Matt Lauer said, a restriction echoed by ABC News. At both CBS News and CNN, producers will need explicit approval from their bosses to use them going forward.
Fox News announced on the air late Thursday morning that it would no longer air Cho's material, saying "sometimes you change your mind."
These decisions, of course, came more than 12 hours after the pictures became available, after they already made their impact. The news cycle dictates they would be used less, anyway.
"It has value as breaking news," said ABC News spokesman Jeffrey Schneider, "but then becomes practically pornographic as it is just repeated ad nauseam."
Jon Klein, president of CNN U.S., said the decision to air it was a tough call.
"As breaking news, it's pertinent to our understanding of why this was done," he said. "Then, once the public has seen the material and digested it, then it's fair to say, 'How much should we be showing it?' I think it's to the credit of news organizations that they are dialing back."
NBC News said it had no indication why Cho chose it for his message. A Postal Service time stamp shows it was mailed at 9:01 a.m. Monday, during the two hours between his first shooting at a Virginia Tech dorm and his massacre at a classroom building.
With a backlash developing against the media for airing sickening pictures from Virginia Tech shooter Cho Seung-Hui, Fox News Channel said Thursday it would stop and other networks said they would severely limit their use.
NBC News was the recipient Wednesday of Cho's package of rambling, hate-filled video and written messages, with several pictures of him posing with a gun. Contents began airing on "Nightly News," and its rivals quickly used them, too.
Family members of victims canceled plans to appear on NBC's "Today" show Thursday because they "were very upset" with the network for showing the pictures, "Today" host Meredith Vieira said.
Virginia State Police Col. Steve Flaherty - who praised NBC Wednesday for coming to authorities first with the package - said Thursday he was disappointed with what the network showed.
"I just hate that a lot of people not used to seeing that type of image had to see it," he said.
NBC said the material was aired because it helped to answer the question of why Cho killed 32 people and himself on the Virginia Tech campus Monday.
"The decision to run this video was reached by virtually every news organization in the world, as evidenced by coverage on television, on Web sites and in newspapers," NBC said in a statement.
"We have covered this story - and our unique role in it - with extreme sensitivity, underscored by our devoted efforts to remember and honor the victims and heroes of this tragic incident."
NBC and its MSNBC cable outlet will "severely limit" use of these pictures going forward,
"Today" host Matt Lauer said, a restriction echoed by ABC News. At both CBS News and CNN, producers will need explicit approval from their bosses to use them going forward.
Fox News announced on the air late Thursday morning that it would no longer air Cho's material, saying "sometimes you change your mind."
These decisions, of course, came more than 12 hours after the pictures became available, after they already made their impact. The news cycle dictates they would be used less, anyway.
"It has value as breaking news," said ABC News spokesman Jeffrey Schneider, "but then becomes practically pornographic as it is just repeated ad nauseam."
Jon Klein, president of CNN U.S., said the decision to air it was a tough call.
"As breaking news, it's pertinent to our understanding of why this was done," he said. "Then, once the public has seen the material and digested it, then it's fair to say, 'How much should we be showing it?' I think it's to the credit of news organizations that they are dialing back."
NBC News said it had no indication why Cho chose it for his message. A Postal Service time stamp shows it was mailed at 9:01 a.m. Monday, during the two hours between his first shooting at a Virginia Tech dorm and his massacre at a classroom building.
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
There was a scary moment yesterday for Newt Gingrich. At first newt got worried when he heard the IRS this year was cracking down on cheaters. Then he realized guys who cheat on their taxes, not their wives.
Because of the storms back east, over two hundred fifty thousand people are still without power. In fact, it is so bad in Washington D.C., Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had to resort to destroying emails by hand.
FEMA told congress this week that a revised emergency response plan it was ordered to develop after hurricane Katrina will not be ready by hurricane season. There’s a shock. FEMA not ready? That’s hard to believe. It’s only been two years. I’m surprised that FEMA even knows when hurricane season is.
This week, during appearances in Denver, John Kerry reopened the door to running for president in 2008. You know, somebody should really lock that door. It just keeps swinging open and closing... Kerry said he talked it over with his wife. You know, he needs to raise enough money for a campaign. Which in Kerry’s case is the same thing. Talking it over with his wife and raising [money]...
John Edwards has a new campaign slogan. "Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat.”
According to the "Boston Globe” presidential candidate, John Edwards got two, $400 haircuts at a Beverly Hills salon. Four hundred bucks for a haircut. He also said that he got a $225 facial at a place called the "pink sapphire.” The pink sapphire... doesn’t that sound like something that shows up on your credit card statement, and you quickly have to explain to the wife. "What? It’s a haircut place. It’s a haircut place honey.”
Republican candidate Mitt Romney says that Hillary Clinton is wrong when she says that it takes a village to raise a child. Back when Hillary’s book came out Romney said that Hillary was right, it does take a village to raise a child. For a lifelong hunter this guy sure shoots himself in the foot a lot.
Hugh Hefner announced that he is backing Hillary Clinton. Hillary actually likes Hugh Hefner. Not to be confused with Bill who likes Huge Heifers. That’s a whole different thing.
In a recent interview, first lady Laura Bush said she can't fall asleep at night without reading. She says that her nightstand holds so many books she fears it may collapse. I guess that makes it easy to tell what side of the bed is hers.
Here’s an interesting piece of trivia. Fifty-two years ago today Albert Einstein died. Einstein’s brain was later studied by researchers, who kept his brain inside a portable beer cooler. Einstein’s brain was in a beer cooler. Which, I believe, is the closest that Einstein ever got to attending a NASCAR race.
Scientists this week announced they have discovered proof that chickens were related to dinosaurs. You know, I admit I’ve had some pretty old pieces of chicken from KFC, but I had no idea...
Don Imus apologized to another girls basketball team today: The New York Knicks.
Finally, in royal family news, Prince William has broken with his longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton, under pressure from his family because she was a commoner. I guess they felt this would ruin the royal family’s 900 years of inbreeding.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your NBA Referee Is Nuts
10. Keeps nude photos of NBA Commissioner David Stern in his wallet
9. Refers to the ball as "Peggy" - now that's nuts
8. Refuses to let substitutes come out of the game unless they give two weeks notice
7. Puts ball under his shirt; claims he's carrying LeBron's baby
6. Every time someone makes a basket, he screams "Goooaaaallll!"
5. Thinks the Knicks rebuilding plan is working
4. He has a 24-second clock over his bed - that's worse than calling the ball "Peggy"
3. Well, he's the only one out there on ice skates
2. Allows players extra free throw if they give him a cigarette
1. Asks Kobe for tips on maintaining a monogamous relationship
Leno
There was a scary moment yesterday for Newt Gingrich. At first newt got worried when he heard the IRS this year was cracking down on cheaters. Then he realized guys who cheat on their taxes, not their wives.
Because of the storms back east, over two hundred fifty thousand people are still without power. In fact, it is so bad in Washington D.C., Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had to resort to destroying emails by hand.
FEMA told congress this week that a revised emergency response plan it was ordered to develop after hurricane Katrina will not be ready by hurricane season. There’s a shock. FEMA not ready? That’s hard to believe. It’s only been two years. I’m surprised that FEMA even knows when hurricane season is.
This week, during appearances in Denver, John Kerry reopened the door to running for president in 2008. You know, somebody should really lock that door. It just keeps swinging open and closing... Kerry said he talked it over with his wife. You know, he needs to raise enough money for a campaign. Which in Kerry’s case is the same thing. Talking it over with his wife and raising [money]...
John Edwards has a new campaign slogan. "Shampoo, Rinse, Repeat.”
According to the "Boston Globe” presidential candidate, John Edwards got two, $400 haircuts at a Beverly Hills salon. Four hundred bucks for a haircut. He also said that he got a $225 facial at a place called the "pink sapphire.” The pink sapphire... doesn’t that sound like something that shows up on your credit card statement, and you quickly have to explain to the wife. "What? It’s a haircut place. It’s a haircut place honey.”
Republican candidate Mitt Romney says that Hillary Clinton is wrong when she says that it takes a village to raise a child. Back when Hillary’s book came out Romney said that Hillary was right, it does take a village to raise a child. For a lifelong hunter this guy sure shoots himself in the foot a lot.
Hugh Hefner announced that he is backing Hillary Clinton. Hillary actually likes Hugh Hefner. Not to be confused with Bill who likes Huge Heifers. That’s a whole different thing.
In a recent interview, first lady Laura Bush said she can't fall asleep at night without reading. She says that her nightstand holds so many books she fears it may collapse. I guess that makes it easy to tell what side of the bed is hers.
Here’s an interesting piece of trivia. Fifty-two years ago today Albert Einstein died. Einstein’s brain was later studied by researchers, who kept his brain inside a portable beer cooler. Einstein’s brain was in a beer cooler. Which, I believe, is the closest that Einstein ever got to attending a NASCAR race.
Scientists this week announced they have discovered proof that chickens were related to dinosaurs. You know, I admit I’ve had some pretty old pieces of chicken from KFC, but I had no idea...
Don Imus apologized to another girls basketball team today: The New York Knicks.
Finally, in royal family news, Prince William has broken with his longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton, under pressure from his family because she was a commoner. I guess they felt this would ruin the royal family’s 900 years of inbreeding.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Signs Your NBA Referee Is Nuts
10. Keeps nude photos of NBA Commissioner David Stern in his wallet
9. Refers to the ball as "Peggy" - now that's nuts
8. Refuses to let substitutes come out of the game unless they give two weeks notice
7. Puts ball under his shirt; claims he's carrying LeBron's baby
6. Every time someone makes a basket, he screams "Goooaaaallll!"
5. Thinks the Knicks rebuilding plan is working
4. He has a 24-second clock over his bed - that's worse than calling the ball "Peggy"
3. Well, he's the only one out there on ice skates
2. Allows players extra free throw if they give him a cigarette
1. Asks Kobe for tips on maintaining a monogamous relationship
Late Nite Jokes
Letterman
"How about this, ladies and gentlemen – we’re already getting sucked up into the 2008 Presidential campaign. Are you fascinated and interested in the 2008 Presidential campaign? Thank you, I appreciate you playing along. Listen to this: John Edwards, Presidential hopeful John Edwards had a $400 Beverly Hills haircut. That’s a lot of dough. I mean, honest to God, ladies and gentlemen, this hairpiece didn’t cost me $400…But here’s the worst part: earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial.”
"You know what’s exciting is the ‘American Idol’? Do you folks watch the ‘American Idol’? And you know what? It looks like that kid Sanjaya could win the whole thing. When is Al Sharpton going to step in on this one?”
"Happy anniversary, by the way, to Larry King, celebrating 50 years in broadcasting. Happy anniversary to him. And I want to say something: you watch that show, Larry has not lost a step. Any night, you can still hear Larry say, ‘Clifton, New Jersey, you’re on with Suzanne Pleshette.’ That Larry King, though, you think about it: take away his good looks and his silky voice and what do you have?”
"By God, here’s good news, ladies and gentlemen: our good friend Regis Philbin is returning to his show a week from Thursday, a week from tomorrow. That will be tremendous. And, you know, he had what turned out to be a triple bypass surgery, and the same guys who did my surgery also did Regis Philbin’s surgery. They’re tremendous. And the pain is, you really don’t feel much because they go in through your wallet.”
"And Regis is doing great. He’s in tremendous shape. And I was thinking about it: this is not the first major surgery Regis has had. Are you aware of this? Remember seven year ago, he had Kathie Lee removed.”
Letterman
"How about this, ladies and gentlemen – we’re already getting sucked up into the 2008 Presidential campaign. Are you fascinated and interested in the 2008 Presidential campaign? Thank you, I appreciate you playing along. Listen to this: John Edwards, Presidential hopeful John Edwards had a $400 Beverly Hills haircut. That’s a lot of dough. I mean, honest to God, ladies and gentlemen, this hairpiece didn’t cost me $400…But here’s the worst part: earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial.”
"You know what’s exciting is the ‘American Idol’? Do you folks watch the ‘American Idol’? And you know what? It looks like that kid Sanjaya could win the whole thing. When is Al Sharpton going to step in on this one?”
"Happy anniversary, by the way, to Larry King, celebrating 50 years in broadcasting. Happy anniversary to him. And I want to say something: you watch that show, Larry has not lost a step. Any night, you can still hear Larry say, ‘Clifton, New Jersey, you’re on with Suzanne Pleshette.’ That Larry King, though, you think about it: take away his good looks and his silky voice and what do you have?”
"By God, here’s good news, ladies and gentlemen: our good friend Regis Philbin is returning to his show a week from Thursday, a week from tomorrow. That will be tremendous. And, you know, he had what turned out to be a triple bypass surgery, and the same guys who did my surgery also did Regis Philbin’s surgery. They’re tremendous. And the pain is, you really don’t feel much because they go in through your wallet.”
"And Regis is doing great. He’s in tremendous shape. And I was thinking about it: this is not the first major surgery Regis has had. Are you aware of this? Remember seven year ago, he had Kathie Lee removed.”
Friday, April 13, 2007
Hillary Clinton Headed to Rutgers
Hillary Clinton will try to make more political hay out of the Don Imus controversy by visiting Rutgers University – home of the women’s basketball team disparaged by the now fired talk show host.
Clinton will visit the school’s Eagleton Institute of Politics on Monday, April 16, to deliver an address on "Women and Public Leadership.”
On Wednesday, Clinton sent out a mass e-mail to her closest supporters saying Imus’ comments about the team showed "small-minded bigotry and coarse sexism,” and calling on recipients to join her in sending the Rutgers women a message of support.
As NewsMax reported, Sen. Clinton may have had a personal motive to take on Imus – the talker had constantly attacked her on the air, even referring to her often as "satan” or the "devil.”
After Hillary’s planned trip to Rutgers was reported by the New York Daily News’ blog Mouth of the Potomac, one posted comment read: "The Queen of Pander strikes again.”
Another read: "Maybe she’ll go to Duke University next?”
Hillary Clinton will try to make more political hay out of the Don Imus controversy by visiting Rutgers University – home of the women’s basketball team disparaged by the now fired talk show host.
Clinton will visit the school’s Eagleton Institute of Politics on Monday, April 16, to deliver an address on "Women and Public Leadership.”
On Wednesday, Clinton sent out a mass e-mail to her closest supporters saying Imus’ comments about the team showed "small-minded bigotry and coarse sexism,” and calling on recipients to join her in sending the Rutgers women a message of support.
As NewsMax reported, Sen. Clinton may have had a personal motive to take on Imus – the talker had constantly attacked her on the air, even referring to her often as "satan” or the "devil.”
After Hillary’s planned trip to Rutgers was reported by the New York Daily News’ blog Mouth of the Potomac, one posted comment read: "The Queen of Pander strikes again.”
Another read: "Maybe she’ll go to Duke University next?”
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Last night on Fox News, host Sean Hannity said his opinion of the Don Imus scandal is that conservatives are going to be the victims of this. So Don Imus insults the Rutgers women’s basketball team and who’s the victim? Rich white guys.
Hillary Clinton has announced she's going to meet with Rutgers women's basketball team. Haven't these women suffered enough?
Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani getting some flack for not knowing the price of a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. They always ask them that. But he does know what a wedding cake cost because he bought three of them.
According to Glamour magazine, it takes the average woman 11 minutes to get aroused. The problem is that by the time the average woman is aroused the guy’s been asleep for nine minutes.
Letterman
It’s tax season. Earlier to day, Britney Spears checked herself into an H&R Block.
Here's a great story: A guy in Alaska goes fishing and he catches a 90-year-old fish, a 90-year-old fish. You know, I look at it this way — if I want a 90-year-old fish, I'll just order the seafood platter at Red Lobster.
Guess what else? It's also the 77th birthday of the Twinkie. And I was surprised, because I thought the only 77-year-old Twinkie was Goldie Hawn.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Things I, Dave Letterman, Have Learned In 60 Years
10. You save a lot of money by making your own hairpieces
9. If I stay healthy, maybe I can make it to 100 — like Regis
8. I owe my success to two groups of viewers: prisoners and shut-ins
7. "Lather" and "rinse" are fine, but "repeat" is just a scam to sell more shampoo
6. Them redneck jokes never get old
5. At staff parties, I always get stuck talking to a guy named "Shecky"
4. For some reason, "Dancing With the Stars" keeps sending my audition tape back
3. Can't think of anything funny? How about this: [video of monkey getting a root canal]
2. If you're missing "The Rachel Ray Show," you're missing out
1. Cookies is tasty
Conan
More people running for president. Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president. But in his official filing, he misspelled the word "president.” Political experts say it’s all part of his plan to attract Bush supporters.
In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton says she doesn’t lie awake at night worrying about attacks from political opponents. She does lie awake at night wondering where the hell her husband is.
A marathon will be run at the North Pole. The winner is the guy who runs 26 miles and can still find his testicles.
Carmen Electra has agreed to be the host of a TV show where women wrestle each other naked. The bad news is, the show is called "The View.”
Ferguson
Not such a great day for Don Imus. It was very hard to know who would go first, Imus or Sanjaya.
I wouldn’t worry about Imus. He’s already working on a new show, "The Amazing Racist.”
What Imus said, I mean cut it out. You should practice self-censorship. I mean, I said I wouldn’t do any jokes about Britney Spears. What did this kid ever do? She put on a schoolgirl outfit and sang, "Oops. I did it again.” This is not Karl Rove! If Karl Rove put on a schoolgirl’s outfit and sang, "Ooops, I did it again,” that would be a crime.
Kimmel
The weather around the whole country today is like something you’d see in a movie. It seems pretty obvious to me that God is sending us a message to stop voting for Sanjaya already.
Chicago has been hit especially hard. Chicagoans are forced to plunge their hands into deep-dish pizzas just to stay warm.
The bad weather even affected the president of Chicago. Oprah had a special hip-hop dancing show which she almost had to cancel on account of the bitter cold.
Leno
Last night on Fox News, host Sean Hannity said his opinion of the Don Imus scandal is that conservatives are going to be the victims of this. So Don Imus insults the Rutgers women’s basketball team and who’s the victim? Rich white guys.
Hillary Clinton has announced she's going to meet with Rutgers women's basketball team. Haven't these women suffered enough?
Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani getting some flack for not knowing the price of a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. They always ask them that. But he does know what a wedding cake cost because he bought three of them.
According to Glamour magazine, it takes the average woman 11 minutes to get aroused. The problem is that by the time the average woman is aroused the guy’s been asleep for nine minutes.
Letterman
It’s tax season. Earlier to day, Britney Spears checked herself into an H&R Block.
Here's a great story: A guy in Alaska goes fishing and he catches a 90-year-old fish, a 90-year-old fish. You know, I look at it this way — if I want a 90-year-old fish, I'll just order the seafood platter at Red Lobster.
Guess what else? It's also the 77th birthday of the Twinkie. And I was surprised, because I thought the only 77-year-old Twinkie was Goldie Hawn.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Things I, Dave Letterman, Have Learned In 60 Years
10. You save a lot of money by making your own hairpieces
9. If I stay healthy, maybe I can make it to 100 — like Regis
8. I owe my success to two groups of viewers: prisoners and shut-ins
7. "Lather" and "rinse" are fine, but "repeat" is just a scam to sell more shampoo
6. Them redneck jokes never get old
5. At staff parties, I always get stuck talking to a guy named "Shecky"
4. For some reason, "Dancing With the Stars" keeps sending my audition tape back
3. Can't think of anything funny? How about this: [video of monkey getting a root canal]
2. If you're missing "The Rachel Ray Show," you're missing out
1. Cookies is tasty
Conan
More people running for president. Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president. But in his official filing, he misspelled the word "president.” Political experts say it’s all part of his plan to attract Bush supporters.
In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton says she doesn’t lie awake at night worrying about attacks from political opponents. She does lie awake at night wondering where the hell her husband is.
A marathon will be run at the North Pole. The winner is the guy who runs 26 miles and can still find his testicles.
Carmen Electra has agreed to be the host of a TV show where women wrestle each other naked. The bad news is, the show is called "The View.”
Ferguson
Not such a great day for Don Imus. It was very hard to know who would go first, Imus or Sanjaya.
I wouldn’t worry about Imus. He’s already working on a new show, "The Amazing Racist.”
What Imus said, I mean cut it out. You should practice self-censorship. I mean, I said I wouldn’t do any jokes about Britney Spears. What did this kid ever do? She put on a schoolgirl outfit and sang, "Oops. I did it again.” This is not Karl Rove! If Karl Rove put on a schoolgirl’s outfit and sang, "Ooops, I did it again,” that would be a crime.
Kimmel
The weather around the whole country today is like something you’d see in a movie. It seems pretty obvious to me that God is sending us a message to stop voting for Sanjaya already.
Chicago has been hit especially hard. Chicagoans are forced to plunge their hands into deep-dish pizzas just to stay warm.
The bad weather even affected the president of Chicago. Oprah had a special hip-hop dancing show which she almost had to cancel on account of the bitter cold.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Sale of U.K. Hostage Stories Sparks Fury
Britain's Defence Ministry came under fire on Sunday for allowing 15 sailors and marines held by Iran for 13 days to sell their stories to the media.
The ministry said it had waived rules barring serving military personnel from selling their stories because of huge public interest in the case. "These are considered to be exceptional circumstances," a ministry spokeswoman said.
Some popular British newspapers pay people for their sensational stories to boost sales. The spokeswoman said the 15 would be able to keep fees which press reports estimated could total as much as 250,000 pounds ($493,500).
The 15 were freed last Thursday after being seized by Iranian forces in the Shatt al-Arab waterway between Iraq and Iran. Iran said they were detained for entering its waters illegally. Britain said they were in Iraqi waters.
Several of the sailors and marines, particularly the only woman among them, Faye Turney, became well known after they were shown repeatedly on Iranian television during the standoff.
On their return to Britain, the sailors and marines said they were blindfolded, bound, kept in isolation and told they faced up to seven years in jail.
William Hague, foreign affairs spokesman of the opposition Conservative Party, said the decision to let the 15 sell their stories set an important precedent and the Conservatives would raise questions about it when parliament re-opened on April 16.
He said the armed forces would gradually lose dignity and respect if military personnel were allowed to sell their stories whenever they had been in a difficult situation.
ACTS OF HEROISM
"There are incredible acts of heroism ... on a weekly, daily basis sometimes in operations in Afghanistan and Iraq but they are not written about," Hague told Sky News.
Hague said the Conservatives would also ask the government to make a statement on the circumstances surrounding the capture of the 15 and what would be done to stop it happening again.
Menzies Campbell, leader of the opposition Liberal Democrats, predicted a public backlash against the decision to let the 15 sell their stories because in the same week they came home safely, six more British soldiers were killed in Iraq.
Colonel Bob Stewart, former commander of British peacekeeping forces in Bosnia, told the BBC the decision to let them publish was unprecedented and called the capture "hardly one of the most glorious annals of royal naval history."
Max Clifford, Britain's best-known celebrity agent, said letting the sailors and marines tell their story was "purely a propaganda exercise."
"The Ministry of Defence are very keen for them to do it ... The public are more likely to believe them than they are the Ministry of Defence or the politicians," he told the BBC.
London and Tehran are at loggerheads over Iran's nuclear program and British Prime Minister Tony Blair has accused "elements of the Iranian regime" of financing, arming and supporting terrorism in Iraq.
Defending itself in the face of the outcry, the Ministry of Defence said on Sunday it had granted permission to ensure the navy and the ministry "had sight" of what the former detainees were going to say.
.
Britain's Defence Ministry came under fire on Sunday for allowing 15 sailors and marines held by Iran for 13 days to sell their stories to the media.
The ministry said it had waived rules barring serving military personnel from selling their stories because of huge public interest in the case. "These are considered to be exceptional circumstances," a ministry spokeswoman said.
Some popular British newspapers pay people for their sensational stories to boost sales. The spokeswoman said the 15 would be able to keep fees which press reports estimated could total as much as 250,000 pounds ($493,500).
The 15 were freed last Thursday after being seized by Iranian forces in the Shatt al-Arab waterway between Iraq and Iran. Iran said they were detained for entering its waters illegally. Britain said they were in Iraqi waters.
Several of the sailors and marines, particularly the only woman among them, Faye Turney, became well known after they were shown repeatedly on Iranian television during the standoff.
On their return to Britain, the sailors and marines said they were blindfolded, bound, kept in isolation and told they faced up to seven years in jail.
William Hague, foreign affairs spokesman of the opposition Conservative Party, said the decision to let the 15 sell their stories set an important precedent and the Conservatives would raise questions about it when parliament re-opened on April 16.
He said the armed forces would gradually lose dignity and respect if military personnel were allowed to sell their stories whenever they had been in a difficult situation.
ACTS OF HEROISM
"There are incredible acts of heroism ... on a weekly, daily basis sometimes in operations in Afghanistan and Iraq but they are not written about," Hague told Sky News.
Hague said the Conservatives would also ask the government to make a statement on the circumstances surrounding the capture of the 15 and what would be done to stop it happening again.
Menzies Campbell, leader of the opposition Liberal Democrats, predicted a public backlash against the decision to let the 15 sell their stories because in the same week they came home safely, six more British soldiers were killed in Iraq.
Colonel Bob Stewart, former commander of British peacekeeping forces in Bosnia, told the BBC the decision to let them publish was unprecedented and called the capture "hardly one of the most glorious annals of royal naval history."
Max Clifford, Britain's best-known celebrity agent, said letting the sailors and marines tell their story was "purely a propaganda exercise."
"The Ministry of Defence are very keen for them to do it ... The public are more likely to believe them than they are the Ministry of Defence or the politicians," he told the BBC.
London and Tehran are at loggerheads over Iran's nuclear program and British Prime Minister Tony Blair has accused "elements of the Iranian regime" of financing, arming and supporting terrorism in Iraq.
Defending itself in the face of the outcry, the Ministry of Defence said on Sunday it had granted permission to ensure the navy and the ministry "had sight" of what the former detainees were going to say.
.
CBS News: Katie Couric 'Unaware' of Plagiarized Essay
"CBS Evening News" anchor Katie Couric may vividly recall her first library card, but the network says she was unaware that her online video essay about the virtues of libraries was largely a work of plagiarism.
CBS News said this week the April 4 installment of "Katie Couric's Notebook" consisted mostly of passages lifted verbatim from a Wall Street Journal column by Jeffrey Zaslow that was published in March.
The producer responsible for Couric's piece was fired on Monday night, hours after the Journal contacted CBS News to complain, network spokeswoman Sandy Genelius said on Tuesday.
The essay was immediately removed from the CBS News Web site, and a correction was posted in its place. The network did not identify the producer who was fired.
Although the text for the minute-long video was written in first person - introduced by Couric with the line, "I still remember when I got my first library card" - Couric did not compose the piece herself and was unaware that much of it was plagiarized, Genelius said.
"She was stunned, and very upset," Genelius said on Wednesday. "It's the same reaction we all had."
The mishap comes as CBS continues to lag in third place in the network news ratings, behind ABC and NBC, seven months after Couric's much-ballyhooed debut as the first woman solo anchor of a major U.S. evening newscast - for a salary reportedly worth $15 million a year.
Couric, who gained celebrity status co-hosting America's top-ranked morning show "Today" on NBC for 15 years, has had no comment of her own on the plagiarism episode.
Some Internet-based media watchers took issue with the language CBS used in its correction, which acknowledged that "much of the material" in Couric's piece "came from Mr. Zaslow" without attribution, but referred to the transgression as "an omission."
"This is a case of plagiarism, not omission," wrote the Web site Regret the Error, which reports on issues of accuracy and ethics in the media.
The author of The Daily Background blog, Arlen Parsa, faulted Couric for letting others write her own commentaries.
Genelius said Couric met with a group of producers weekly to discuss upcoming topics for her "Notebook" video essays, and "she does write some of them herself."
"Sometimes the text is written by the producer," she added. "That's the way television generally works. It's a very collaborative medium."
"CBS Evening News" anchor Katie Couric may vividly recall her first library card, but the network says she was unaware that her online video essay about the virtues of libraries was largely a work of plagiarism.
CBS News said this week the April 4 installment of "Katie Couric's Notebook" consisted mostly of passages lifted verbatim from a Wall Street Journal column by Jeffrey Zaslow that was published in March.
The producer responsible for Couric's piece was fired on Monday night, hours after the Journal contacted CBS News to complain, network spokeswoman Sandy Genelius said on Tuesday.
The essay was immediately removed from the CBS News Web site, and a correction was posted in its place. The network did not identify the producer who was fired.
Although the text for the minute-long video was written in first person - introduced by Couric with the line, "I still remember when I got my first library card" - Couric did not compose the piece herself and was unaware that much of it was plagiarized, Genelius said.
"She was stunned, and very upset," Genelius said on Wednesday. "It's the same reaction we all had."
The mishap comes as CBS continues to lag in third place in the network news ratings, behind ABC and NBC, seven months after Couric's much-ballyhooed debut as the first woman solo anchor of a major U.S. evening newscast - for a salary reportedly worth $15 million a year.
Couric, who gained celebrity status co-hosting America's top-ranked morning show "Today" on NBC for 15 years, has had no comment of her own on the plagiarism episode.
Some Internet-based media watchers took issue with the language CBS used in its correction, which acknowledged that "much of the material" in Couric's piece "came from Mr. Zaslow" without attribution, but referred to the transgression as "an omission."
"This is a case of plagiarism, not omission," wrote the Web site Regret the Error, which reports on issues of accuracy and ethics in the media.
The author of The Daily Background blog, Arlen Parsa, faulted Couric for letting others write her own commentaries.
Genelius said Couric met with a group of producers weekly to discuss upcoming topics for her "Notebook" video essays, and "she does write some of them herself."
"Sometimes the text is written by the producer," she added. "That's the way television generally works. It's a very collaborative medium."
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
New York was so cold today, people were shaking like Don Imus at the Apollo Theatre.
Don Imus has been fired from MSNBC. I don’t know what he’s going to do now, but I think he can rule out coaching basketball.
I guess Imus learned an important lesson: Once you go black, you ain’t coming back.
A recent study showed that the country of Mexico is generally very accepting of same-sex marriages. Or as they call them down there, "Juan-on-Juan” relationships.
Letterman
Well, now that it’s official: What am I going to do with Anna Nicole’s baby?
How about that Don Imus thing? He apologized to the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team . . . and in my life, I’ve had to apologize to women, but it’s usually in bed.
If I were Don Imus, I wouldn’t be saying anything about other people’s hair.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Ways to Make Tax Time More Fun
10. Everything that goes to the IRS, I lick.
9. Every time I write the number 8, I draw a hat on top to make it look like a snowman.
8. I try to deduct items that don’t exist, like a jimrod . . . they’ll be trying to figure that one out for years.
7. With each tax return, include some of your favorite "Yo accountant’s so fat” jokes. Like "Yo accountant’s so fat, he gets to claim his giant ass as a dependent.”
6. This time of year, I don’t wear underpants.
5. I don’t think it would be possible to make tax time more fun.
4. Awww crap. It’s tax time?!?
3. The big stack of papers on my desk? I pour some maple syrup and eat ‘em like pancakes.
2. Every year I get to leave the office for five minutes to be part of this stupid Top Ten list.
1. When I finish my work for the season, I treat myself to a whore.
Conan
The White House wants to appoint a high-powered official to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and issue directions to the Pentagon and the State Department . . . This person would be called the president of the United States.
House Speaker Pelosi announced she’s considering taking another controversial trip, this time to Iran. And even worse, when she gets back, she’s going fishing with Don Imus.
A producer has been fired from CBS News because Katie Couric taped a story for the news that turned out to be plagiarized from The Wall Street Journal. Viewers became suspicious when they noticed that Couric was reading the story directly out of The Wall Street Journal.
Ferguson
Did you see "American Idol?” The guest judge was J-Lo. Guest-judge Jennifer Lopez. For once, Simon Cowell wasn’t the biggest ass on the show.
Not such a great day for Don Imus. He’s been fired. I don’t think the radio station understands what’s going on. They’ve replaced him with Kramer.
Rudy Giuliani got into trouble because of that presidential question that he was asked — what was the price of a gallon of milk. That’s the question that shows you know the common people.
That doesn’t bother me. What I want to know is, Does the president know the price of the war in Iraq?
Car manufacturers are making cars that change colors. Blue car means you’re depressed . . . red car means you’re angry . . . a rainbow-colored car means . . . . you like to drive on the other side of the road . . .
Kimmel
Sanjaya finally eliminated from American Idol. Not really, he’s still in. But for a moment there, you actually experienced what it would be like to be Sanjaya-free, and for that, I envy you.
Not since Paris Hilton has someone become so famous with so little talent.
I’m sure you know by now, Larry Birkhead won the Anna Nicole baby sweepstakes.
You know, he sold the kid on eBay for 40 million bucks.
Leno
New York was so cold today, people were shaking like Don Imus at the Apollo Theatre.
Don Imus has been fired from MSNBC. I don’t know what he’s going to do now, but I think he can rule out coaching basketball.
I guess Imus learned an important lesson: Once you go black, you ain’t coming back.
A recent study showed that the country of Mexico is generally very accepting of same-sex marriages. Or as they call them down there, "Juan-on-Juan” relationships.
Letterman
Well, now that it’s official: What am I going to do with Anna Nicole’s baby?
How about that Don Imus thing? He apologized to the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team . . . and in my life, I’ve had to apologize to women, but it’s usually in bed.
If I were Don Imus, I wouldn’t be saying anything about other people’s hair.
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Ways to Make Tax Time More Fun
10. Everything that goes to the IRS, I lick.
9. Every time I write the number 8, I draw a hat on top to make it look like a snowman.
8. I try to deduct items that don’t exist, like a jimrod . . . they’ll be trying to figure that one out for years.
7. With each tax return, include some of your favorite "Yo accountant’s so fat” jokes. Like "Yo accountant’s so fat, he gets to claim his giant ass as a dependent.”
6. This time of year, I don’t wear underpants.
5. I don’t think it would be possible to make tax time more fun.
4. Awww crap. It’s tax time?!?
3. The big stack of papers on my desk? I pour some maple syrup and eat ‘em like pancakes.
2. Every year I get to leave the office for five minutes to be part of this stupid Top Ten list.
1. When I finish my work for the season, I treat myself to a whore.
Conan
The White House wants to appoint a high-powered official to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and issue directions to the Pentagon and the State Department . . . This person would be called the president of the United States.
House Speaker Pelosi announced she’s considering taking another controversial trip, this time to Iran. And even worse, when she gets back, she’s going fishing with Don Imus.
A producer has been fired from CBS News because Katie Couric taped a story for the news that turned out to be plagiarized from The Wall Street Journal. Viewers became suspicious when they noticed that Couric was reading the story directly out of The Wall Street Journal.
Ferguson
Did you see "American Idol?” The guest judge was J-Lo. Guest-judge Jennifer Lopez. For once, Simon Cowell wasn’t the biggest ass on the show.
Not such a great day for Don Imus. He’s been fired. I don’t think the radio station understands what’s going on. They’ve replaced him with Kramer.
Rudy Giuliani got into trouble because of that presidential question that he was asked — what was the price of a gallon of milk. That’s the question that shows you know the common people.
That doesn’t bother me. What I want to know is, Does the president know the price of the war in Iraq?
Car manufacturers are making cars that change colors. Blue car means you’re depressed . . . red car means you’re angry . . . a rainbow-colored car means . . . . you like to drive on the other side of the road . . .
Kimmel
Sanjaya finally eliminated from American Idol. Not really, he’s still in. But for a moment there, you actually experienced what it would be like to be Sanjaya-free, and for that, I envy you.
Not since Paris Hilton has someone become so famous with so little talent.
I’m sure you know by now, Larry Birkhead won the Anna Nicole baby sweepstakes.
You know, he sold the kid on eBay for 40 million bucks.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Sen. John McCain: I Chose 'Right Road' on Iraq
Republican presidential contender John McCain on Wednesday called the four-year Iraq conflict "necessary and just" and accused anti-war Democrats, including their leading White House candidates, of recklessness.
Struggling to reinvigorate his troubled campaign, McCain reiterated his long-time criticism that President Bush initially went to war without a plan to succeed. But he also backed the commander in chief's recent troop increase and said he is right to veto legislation that places conditions on the war.
"In Iraq, only our enemies were cheering" when House Democrats enthusiastically passed legislation setting a timetable for a troop withdrawal, the Arizona Republican said in prepared remarks of a speech to cadets at the Virginia Military Institute.
"A defeat for the United States is a cause for mourning, not celebrating," he added.
Staking his candidacy on the war's outcome, McCain planted himself firmly on the side of the president he hopes to succeed and the three out of every four Republicans who view the war as a worthy cause.
McCain's remarks came a week after he made his fifth trip to Iraq, where he caught tremendous flack for saying he saw signs of progress in Baghdad and was cautiously optimistic - even as he toured the capital under heavy military guard. Iraqis accused him of painting too rosy a picture and U.S. critics called him out of step with reality.
The episode threatened to undercut his credibility on a signature issue, defense, and the speech was meant to portray McCain as someone who puts the country's interests above presidential politics.
Addressing cadets at the military college, he cast himself as the most qualified Republican candidate to counter Democratic calls for withdrawal.
He ignored his GOP rivals, all of whom support the president on the war but none of whom has McCain's military experience or has been as closely aligned with the conflict as the senator. Instead, McCain assailed Democrats in Congress, including "their leading candidates for president."
McCain said the Democrats' pullout policy was politically expedient but strategically disastrous. He accused them of acting in "giddy anticipation of the next election."
"Lets put aside for a moment the small politics of the day," he said. "The judgment of history should be the approval we seek, not the temporary favor of the latest public opinion poll."
Calling the war "necessary and just," McCain said those like him who support Bush's troop increase chose the "hard road" but "right road."
"Democrats, who deny our soldiers the means to prevent an American defeat, have chosen another road," he said, referring to the standoff between Democrats in control of Congress and Bush over war funding. "It may appear to be the easier course of action, but it is a much more reckless one, and it does them no credit even if it gives them an advantage in the next election."
A former Navy pilot, McCain is the only top-tier Republican candidate to have served in the military and he is the senior Republican on the Senate Armed Services Committee.
Once the chief GOP critic on how the U.S. was waging the war, McCain became Bush's top Senate pitchman in January as he sought to sell skeptics on the troop increase. The senator had long sought more forces and his political fate became entwined with the new strategy.
The latest Associated Press-Ipsos poll showed that a majority of Americans say going to war in Iraq was a mistake and half call it a hopeless cause. But among Republicans, roughly three in four say the United States made the right decision in going to war and call the cause worthy.
Republican presidential contender John McCain on Wednesday called the four-year Iraq conflict "necessary and just" and accused anti-war Democrats, including their leading White House candidates, of recklessness.
Struggling to reinvigorate his troubled campaign, McCain reiterated his long-time criticism that President Bush initially went to war without a plan to succeed. But he also backed the commander in chief's recent troop increase and said he is right to veto legislation that places conditions on the war.
"In Iraq, only our enemies were cheering" when House Democrats enthusiastically passed legislation setting a timetable for a troop withdrawal, the Arizona Republican said in prepared remarks of a speech to cadets at the Virginia Military Institute.
"A defeat for the United States is a cause for mourning, not celebrating," he added.
Staking his candidacy on the war's outcome, McCain planted himself firmly on the side of the president he hopes to succeed and the three out of every four Republicans who view the war as a worthy cause.
McCain's remarks came a week after he made his fifth trip to Iraq, where he caught tremendous flack for saying he saw signs of progress in Baghdad and was cautiously optimistic - even as he toured the capital under heavy military guard. Iraqis accused him of painting too rosy a picture and U.S. critics called him out of step with reality.
The episode threatened to undercut his credibility on a signature issue, defense, and the speech was meant to portray McCain as someone who puts the country's interests above presidential politics.
Addressing cadets at the military college, he cast himself as the most qualified Republican candidate to counter Democratic calls for withdrawal.
He ignored his GOP rivals, all of whom support the president on the war but none of whom has McCain's military experience or has been as closely aligned with the conflict as the senator. Instead, McCain assailed Democrats in Congress, including "their leading candidates for president."
McCain said the Democrats' pullout policy was politically expedient but strategically disastrous. He accused them of acting in "giddy anticipation of the next election."
"Lets put aside for a moment the small politics of the day," he said. "The judgment of history should be the approval we seek, not the temporary favor of the latest public opinion poll."
Calling the war "necessary and just," McCain said those like him who support Bush's troop increase chose the "hard road" but "right road."
"Democrats, who deny our soldiers the means to prevent an American defeat, have chosen another road," he said, referring to the standoff between Democrats in control of Congress and Bush over war funding. "It may appear to be the easier course of action, but it is a much more reckless one, and it does them no credit even if it gives them an advantage in the next election."
A former Navy pilot, McCain is the only top-tier Republican candidate to have served in the military and he is the senior Republican on the Senate Armed Services Committee.
Once the chief GOP critic on how the U.S. was waging the war, McCain became Bush's top Senate pitchman in January as he sought to sell skeptics on the troop increase. The senator had long sought more forces and his political fate became entwined with the new strategy.
The latest Associated Press-Ipsos poll showed that a majority of Americans say going to war in Iraq was a mistake and half call it a hopeless cause. But among Republicans, roughly three in four say the United States made the right decision in going to war and call the cause worthy.
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Folks, I have some exciting news: I’m not the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.
Yesterday, President Bush outlined his guest-worker program. Or as we call that in L.A., the nanny!
Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards, as well as a number of other Democratic candidates, say they will not participate in a presidential debate next month because the debate is on Fox News. And Fox News is biased. How are you going to stand up to terrorists when you’re afraid of fox news?
According to a survey by Playboy magazine, 3 percent of women can’t remember their natural hair color. You know what you call these women? Blondes.
Letterman
Spring in New York City means the auto show. The auto show will be at the Javits Center until Monday, or until all the cars are stolen.
This just in: The NAACP reception for Don Imus has been canceled.
It’s tax time. Earlier today, Naomi Campbell hit her maid in the head with her calculator.
Conan
The White House finally got around to having its annual Easter egg roll. There were a couple of cartoon characters there, including Bugs Bunny and Charlie Brown. Afterwards, President Bush said, "Finally a Summit meeting I enjoyed.”
An image of the Virgin Mary appeared in a tree along the Mexican border. Not surprisingly, the tree snuck into the U.S. two weeks ago.
Baseball experts say that, last week, cold weather caused the number of homeruns to plunge to its lowest level since 1993. In fact, Barry Bonds said, "My ass is so frozen, I can’t even get the needle in.”
Ferguson
Disneyland has announced they’re now allowing same-sex couples to have their fantasy weddings in their theme parks. Finally, Buzz Lightyear doesn’t have to hide his love for Woody anymore.
Very cold on the East Coast. Just to stay warm, Don Imus hugged Al Sharpton.
The Mel Gibson collection was released on DVD today. Just in time for Passover.
Madonna and The Police have signed on to play Al Gore’s benefit — the concert to save the planet. It’s about time, because the musicians of the ’80s should do their part for the environment. It all started with the hairspray thing . . . that was them.
Kimmel
The Bahamian court decreed that Larry Birkhead is indeed the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s 7-month-old daughter. Upon hearing the news, a jubilant Larry Birkhead scooped baby Dannielynn up and locked her in a nearby safety deposit box.
She’s worth more than Yankee Stadium. You can’t be too careful.
This of course means that the father is not Anna Nicole’s lawyer slash pretend husband Howard K. Stern. Poor guy, I almost feel sorry for him. I heard him say, "I changed that kid’s diaper twice for this?”
Leno
Folks, I have some exciting news: I’m not the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.
Yesterday, President Bush outlined his guest-worker program. Or as we call that in L.A., the nanny!
Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards, as well as a number of other Democratic candidates, say they will not participate in a presidential debate next month because the debate is on Fox News. And Fox News is biased. How are you going to stand up to terrorists when you’re afraid of fox news?
According to a survey by Playboy magazine, 3 percent of women can’t remember their natural hair color. You know what you call these women? Blondes.
Letterman
Spring in New York City means the auto show. The auto show will be at the Javits Center until Monday, or until all the cars are stolen.
This just in: The NAACP reception for Don Imus has been canceled.
It’s tax time. Earlier today, Naomi Campbell hit her maid in the head with her calculator.
Conan
The White House finally got around to having its annual Easter egg roll. There were a couple of cartoon characters there, including Bugs Bunny and Charlie Brown. Afterwards, President Bush said, "Finally a Summit meeting I enjoyed.”
An image of the Virgin Mary appeared in a tree along the Mexican border. Not surprisingly, the tree snuck into the U.S. two weeks ago.
Baseball experts say that, last week, cold weather caused the number of homeruns to plunge to its lowest level since 1993. In fact, Barry Bonds said, "My ass is so frozen, I can’t even get the needle in.”
Ferguson
Disneyland has announced they’re now allowing same-sex couples to have their fantasy weddings in their theme parks. Finally, Buzz Lightyear doesn’t have to hide his love for Woody anymore.
Very cold on the East Coast. Just to stay warm, Don Imus hugged Al Sharpton.
The Mel Gibson collection was released on DVD today. Just in time for Passover.
Madonna and The Police have signed on to play Al Gore’s benefit — the concert to save the planet. It’s about time, because the musicians of the ’80s should do their part for the environment. It all started with the hairspray thing . . . that was them.
Kimmel
The Bahamian court decreed that Larry Birkhead is indeed the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s 7-month-old daughter. Upon hearing the news, a jubilant Larry Birkhead scooped baby Dannielynn up and locked her in a nearby safety deposit box.
She’s worth more than Yankee Stadium. You can’t be too careful.
This of course means that the father is not Anna Nicole’s lawyer slash pretend husband Howard K. Stern. Poor guy, I almost feel sorry for him. I heard him say, "I changed that kid’s diaper twice for this?”
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
McCain Defends Imus: 'He Has Apologized'
Presidential hopeful John McCain said he would still appear on Don Imus’ program despite the morning talk show host’s derogatory comments about the Rutgers women’s basketball team.
"He has apologized," said the Arizona Republican, whose presidential candidacy has been backed by Imus on the air.
"He said that he is deeply sorry. I'm a great believer in redemption. Whether he needs to do more in order to satisfy the concerns of people like the members of that team, that's something that's between him and them. But I have made many mistakes in my life . . . and I have apologized, and most people have accepted that apology."
Baseball star Cal Ripken Jr., who was scheduled to appear on Imus' show this week to promote a book, has canceled his appearance, according to the Washington Times.
Imus' radio show originates from WFAN in New York City and is syndicated nationally by Westwood One, both of which are managed by CBS. The show reached an estimated 361,000 viewers on MSNBC in the first three months of the year, up 39 percent from last year. That's the best competitive position it has ever achieved against CNN, which had 372,000 viewers during the same period.
Presidential hopeful John McCain said he would still appear on Don Imus’ program despite the morning talk show host’s derogatory comments about the Rutgers women’s basketball team.
"He has apologized," said the Arizona Republican, whose presidential candidacy has been backed by Imus on the air.
"He said that he is deeply sorry. I'm a great believer in redemption. Whether he needs to do more in order to satisfy the concerns of people like the members of that team, that's something that's between him and them. But I have made many mistakes in my life . . . and I have apologized, and most people have accepted that apology."
Baseball star Cal Ripken Jr., who was scheduled to appear on Imus' show this week to promote a book, has canceled his appearance, according to the Washington Times.
Imus' radio show originates from WFAN in New York City and is syndicated nationally by Westwood One, both of which are managed by CBS. The show reached an estimated 361,000 viewers on MSNBC in the first three months of the year, up 39 percent from last year. That's the best competitive position it has ever achieved against CNN, which had 372,000 viewers during the same period.
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Do you believe the weather? It was snowing in Washington! It was so white, people thought the republicans were back in charge.
It was so cold in Georgia, Newt Gingrich had another affair just to stay warm.
Snow on Easter is pretty unusual, isn’t it? In fact, today, a confused Keith Richards mixed it with his dad and snorted it.
In an effort to prove he really is a hunter, presidential candidate Mitt Romney shot and killed the Easter Bunny.
Letterman
Cold for spring isn’t it? It was so cold up there at Yankee Stadium, the beer was cold.
It was so cold Barry Bonds tested positive for chowder.
Barack Obama is on the show tonight. He wants to make two major announcements. One: He is announcing his plan to end the war, and Two: he wants to announce his plan to cancel "The View.”
Here in New York City, people go crazy for Easter. Today down in Washington D.C. there was the big annual Easter egg hunt. No surprise here, the $87 billion egg coloring contract went to Halliburton.
Conan
President Bush hard at work on the immigration issue. Earlier to day, President Bush was in Arizona inspecting an unmanned plane that’s used to patrol the border. At least the plane was supposed to be unmanned — turns out they found six Mexicans inside.
Nice celebrity story: Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest recently traveled to one of the poorest villages in Africa to visit with the children. The first thing the African children said was, "What’s the frickin’ deal with Sanjaya!?!”
In a new interview with George Michael announced that despite repeated requests, he will never be part of a reunion with the ‘80s group Wham!. In case you’re curious, the repeated requests all come from the other guys in Wham!.
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is going to appear on the show "Pimp My Ride.” This is, of course, great news for fans of the show, but bad news for the guy who does the closed captioning.
Ferguson
Charles Simonyi became the latest billionaire to go into space with the Russians. He’s Martha Stewart’s boyfriend, this guy. If I was Martha Stewart’s boyfriend I’d be going too.
Wasn’t it Lance Bass who was going to go into space? Then he just came out of the closet instead. Just as fabulous and the clothes are better.
The crab season has been delayed because of the cold in Maryland. It’s a week or a month late. I don’t trust anything that walks sideways. At least not sober. There’s only two creatures that walk sideways — crabs and lawyers.
Kimmel
Easter Sunday yesterday. Catholics all around the world celebrated the resurrection of "The Sopranos.”
Only eight episodes of "The Sopranos” left, so after that we’ll have to get all of our televised violence from "The View.”
In Washington D.C., the first lady hosted the White House’s annual Easter egg roll. President Bush had a lot of fun; he found three eggs, which is a new record for him.
Leno
Do you believe the weather? It was snowing in Washington! It was so white, people thought the republicans were back in charge.
It was so cold in Georgia, Newt Gingrich had another affair just to stay warm.
Snow on Easter is pretty unusual, isn’t it? In fact, today, a confused Keith Richards mixed it with his dad and snorted it.
In an effort to prove he really is a hunter, presidential candidate Mitt Romney shot and killed the Easter Bunny.
Letterman
Cold for spring isn’t it? It was so cold up there at Yankee Stadium, the beer was cold.
It was so cold Barry Bonds tested positive for chowder.
Barack Obama is on the show tonight. He wants to make two major announcements. One: He is announcing his plan to end the war, and Two: he wants to announce his plan to cancel "The View.”
Here in New York City, people go crazy for Easter. Today down in Washington D.C. there was the big annual Easter egg hunt. No surprise here, the $87 billion egg coloring contract went to Halliburton.
Conan
President Bush hard at work on the immigration issue. Earlier to day, President Bush was in Arizona inspecting an unmanned plane that’s used to patrol the border. At least the plane was supposed to be unmanned — turns out they found six Mexicans inside.
Nice celebrity story: Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest recently traveled to one of the poorest villages in Africa to visit with the children. The first thing the African children said was, "What’s the frickin’ deal with Sanjaya!?!”
In a new interview with George Michael announced that despite repeated requests, he will never be part of a reunion with the ‘80s group Wham!. In case you’re curious, the repeated requests all come from the other guys in Wham!.
California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he is going to appear on the show "Pimp My Ride.” This is, of course, great news for fans of the show, but bad news for the guy who does the closed captioning.
Ferguson
Charles Simonyi became the latest billionaire to go into space with the Russians. He’s Martha Stewart’s boyfriend, this guy. If I was Martha Stewart’s boyfriend I’d be going too.
Wasn’t it Lance Bass who was going to go into space? Then he just came out of the closet instead. Just as fabulous and the clothes are better.
The crab season has been delayed because of the cold in Maryland. It’s a week or a month late. I don’t trust anything that walks sideways. At least not sober. There’s only two creatures that walk sideways — crabs and lawyers.
Kimmel
Easter Sunday yesterday. Catholics all around the world celebrated the resurrection of "The Sopranos.”
Only eight episodes of "The Sopranos” left, so after that we’ll have to get all of our televised violence from "The View.”
In Washington D.C., the first lady hosted the White House’s annual Easter egg roll. President Bush had a lot of fun; he found three eggs, which is a new record for him.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Tenn. Newspaper 'Endorses' Fred Thompson
Former Republican U.S. Sen. Fred Thompson has not yet said if he is a presidential candidate, but a Chattanooga editorial page has joined a "draft Fred" movement with an endorsement of the actor and attorney 19 months before the election.
The Chattanooga Times Free Press has two separate opinion pages, and the traditionally conservative side under the masthead of the Chattanooga Free Press published the endorsement editorial Monday, saying Thompson "has not declined" growing encouragement for him to seek the presidency.
"It is significant that while there are many actively seeking the presidency of the United States, there is one outstanding individual who is not - but is being sought because he has demonstrated many unique qualities of sound principle, possesses wisdom gained from proved experience, has admirable qualities of character and has displayed a cooperative spirit of good will that could inspire a great majority of Americans to unify enthusiastically to elect him," the editorial said.
Thompson, who is running third in a few national polls without doing anything more than acknowledging he was thinking about running, could not be reached for comment.
Republican U.S. Rep. Zach Wamp of Chattanooga, identified in the editorial as being among leaders ofthe candidate draft movement, said Thompson plans to meet in two weeks with a group of about 60 members of Congress in Washington.
"Even the prospect of Fred Thompson running is the best choice in the Republican field," Wamp said.
Wamp said that while Thompson has not said he is a candidate he "looks and sounds like somebody who is doing more than thinking about it."
Former Republican U.S. Sen. Fred Thompson has not yet said if he is a presidential candidate, but a Chattanooga editorial page has joined a "draft Fred" movement with an endorsement of the actor and attorney 19 months before the election.
The Chattanooga Times Free Press has two separate opinion pages, and the traditionally conservative side under the masthead of the Chattanooga Free Press published the endorsement editorial Monday, saying Thompson "has not declined" growing encouragement for him to seek the presidency.
"It is significant that while there are many actively seeking the presidency of the United States, there is one outstanding individual who is not - but is being sought because he has demonstrated many unique qualities of sound principle, possesses wisdom gained from proved experience, has admirable qualities of character and has displayed a cooperative spirit of good will that could inspire a great majority of Americans to unify enthusiastically to elect him," the editorial said.
Thompson, who is running third in a few national polls without doing anything more than acknowledging he was thinking about running, could not be reached for comment.
Republican U.S. Rep. Zach Wamp of Chattanooga, identified in the editorial as being among leaders ofthe candidate draft movement, said Thompson plans to meet in two weeks with a group of about 60 members of Congress in Washington.
"Even the prospect of Fred Thompson running is the best choice in the Republican field," Wamp said.
Wamp said that while Thompson has not said he is a candidate he "looks and sounds like somebody who is doing more than thinking about it."
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Mitt Romney: Add 100,000 Troops to U.S. Forces
Republican Mitt Romney believes the United States needs to increase its defense spending, refocus its alliances on terrorism and reduce bureaucracy so U.S. organizations can do good works across the globe.
In a speech prepared for delivery Tuesday night at the George Bush Presidential Library and Museum in College Station, Texas, the GOP presidential candidate also was to call for spending 4 percent of the nation's gross domestic product on defense, up from 3.9 percent.
In addition, he proposes adding 100,000 troops to the armed forces, according to excerpts of his remarks supplied to The Associated Press.
"Today we face a new generation of challenges globally and here at home," Romney's text says.
"We will do as Americans have always done: We will rise to the occasion."
The speech comes as Romney aims to expand his foreign policy portfolio.
The former Massachusetts governor has served only one term in elective office, but he ran the 2002 Winter Olympic Games and has been traveling around the world during the past year in an effort to increase his understanding of international hotspots.
One of his rivals, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., is planning a similar speech on Wednesday at the Virginia Military Institute. McCain is struggling to regain his footing after Romney outraised him last week, taking in $23 million in donations to McCain's $12.5 million. McCain also was criticized for insisting Baghdad was safe even as he toured the Iraqi capital under heavy military guard.
In his remarks, Romney takes aim at former President Clinton, now an ally of his host, the former President Bush. The two work together on Hurricane Katrina relief projects.
Slides from a PowerPoint presentation that will accompany Romney's remarks depict declines in military spending during Clinton's presidency from 1993 to 2001, and suggest such military might be restored.
Bush's son, the current President Bush, gained the White House in 2001, and Clinton's wife, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., now joins Romney among the candidates vying to succeed him.
In his text, Romney also suggests reorienting alliances such as NATO to focus them on global terrorism, while also reducing government red tape so non-governmental organizations can do more goodwill work on behalf of the nation.
Republican Mitt Romney believes the United States needs to increase its defense spending, refocus its alliances on terrorism and reduce bureaucracy so U.S. organizations can do good works across the globe.
In a speech prepared for delivery Tuesday night at the George Bush Presidential Library and Museum in College Station, Texas, the GOP presidential candidate also was to call for spending 4 percent of the nation's gross domestic product on defense, up from 3.9 percent.
In addition, he proposes adding 100,000 troops to the armed forces, according to excerpts of his remarks supplied to The Associated Press.
"Today we face a new generation of challenges globally and here at home," Romney's text says.
"We will do as Americans have always done: We will rise to the occasion."
The speech comes as Romney aims to expand his foreign policy portfolio.
The former Massachusetts governor has served only one term in elective office, but he ran the 2002 Winter Olympic Games and has been traveling around the world during the past year in an effort to increase his understanding of international hotspots.
One of his rivals, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., is planning a similar speech on Wednesday at the Virginia Military Institute. McCain is struggling to regain his footing after Romney outraised him last week, taking in $23 million in donations to McCain's $12.5 million. McCain also was criticized for insisting Baghdad was safe even as he toured the Iraqi capital under heavy military guard.
In his remarks, Romney takes aim at former President Clinton, now an ally of his host, the former President Bush. The two work together on Hurricane Katrina relief projects.
Slides from a PowerPoint presentation that will accompany Romney's remarks depict declines in military spending during Clinton's presidency from 1993 to 2001, and suggest such military might be restored.
Bush's son, the current President Bush, gained the White House in 2001, and Clinton's wife, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., now joins Romney among the candidates vying to succeed him.
In his text, Romney also suggests reorienting alliances such as NATO to focus them on global terrorism, while also reducing government red tape so non-governmental organizations can do more goodwill work on behalf of the nation.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Fred Thompson Starts Campaign Effort
Former Sen. Fred Thompson has begun assembling the core of a campaign team in preparation for a possible run for the Republican presidential nomination in 2008.
While the "Law & Order” actor has not decided whether he will run or not, "he is getting more serious every day,” an adviser told The Politico.
"He is now starting to talk to people to really calibrate what it would take to run a successful campaign. He’s talking to some of the top unaligned strategists and fund-raisers.”
Thompson – who did not seek re-election as a senator from Tennessee in 2002 – has also met with major Republican players who work for other presidential campaigns, sources told The Politico.
Thompson placed third among Republicans in a recent USA Today/Gallup poll, garnering 12 percent of the vote behind former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and Sen. John McCain from Arizona. It was the first Gallup poll taken after Thompson announced on March 11 that he may run for the White House.
Advisers say Thompson has been encouraged by the response at a time when many conservative Republicans are unhappy with the GOP front-runners for 2008.
Syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak said last week that Thompson is "the talk of GOP political circles.”
Former Sen. Fred Thompson has begun assembling the core of a campaign team in preparation for a possible run for the Republican presidential nomination in 2008.
While the "Law & Order” actor has not decided whether he will run or not, "he is getting more serious every day,” an adviser told The Politico.
"He is now starting to talk to people to really calibrate what it would take to run a successful campaign. He’s talking to some of the top unaligned strategists and fund-raisers.”
Thompson – who did not seek re-election as a senator from Tennessee in 2002 – has also met with major Republican players who work for other presidential campaigns, sources told The Politico.
Thompson placed third among Republicans in a recent USA Today/Gallup poll, garnering 12 percent of the vote behind former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and Sen. John McCain from Arizona. It was the first Gallup poll taken after Thompson announced on March 11 that he may run for the White House.
Advisers say Thompson has been encouraged by the response at a time when many conservative Republicans are unhappy with the GOP front-runners for 2008.
Syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak said last week that Thompson is "the talk of GOP political circles.”
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
What a crowd! . . . or at Easter time, what I like to call my "peeps.”
I heard the annual Easter egg hunt at the White House is going to be a little different this year. Instead of eggs, they’re hiding Alberto Gonzales’ e-mails.
If the jokes don’t seem as good today, the Jewish writers are off for Passover.
The Christian writers are off for Good Friday, so the entire monologue is written by Muslim extremists.
Conan
Easter weekend is here. President Bush is spending six days at his ranch in Texas. He says he will not attend the annual White House Easter egg roll. When asked why, the president said, "Last year someone ruined it by inviting a bunch of children.
The other day in Los Angeles a woman was arrested after she was caught trying to sneak into Tom Cruise’s house. When Katie Holmes saw the woman, she told her, "Be careful — it’s easy to get in, impossible to get out.”
Saw this in the paper today. In Alaska, scientists have caught a fish that is at least a hundred years old. Not surprisingly they found it at a Long John Silvers.
It came with tarter sauce. The fresh catch of the day.
Ferguson
It’s not just any Friday, it’s Good Friday! I’ll be coloring eggs. I like the Cadbury chocolate eggs. The commercial shows the rabbit laying eggs. What kind of mutant is that? If you see a rabbit laying little brown chocolate eggs, you shouldn’t be eating them.
Big movie opening today. "Grindhouse.” Rose McGowan plays a girl with a machine gun leg. Dick Cheney’s dream girl.
How do you pull the trigger? You don’t want it going off every time you sneeze.
I just hope the movie doesn’t give Heather Mills any ideas . . . that bitter divorce with Paul McCartney.
Leno
What a crowd! . . . or at Easter time, what I like to call my "peeps.”
I heard the annual Easter egg hunt at the White House is going to be a little different this year. Instead of eggs, they’re hiding Alberto Gonzales’ e-mails.
If the jokes don’t seem as good today, the Jewish writers are off for Passover.
The Christian writers are off for Good Friday, so the entire monologue is written by Muslim extremists.
Conan
Easter weekend is here. President Bush is spending six days at his ranch in Texas. He says he will not attend the annual White House Easter egg roll. When asked why, the president said, "Last year someone ruined it by inviting a bunch of children.
The other day in Los Angeles a woman was arrested after she was caught trying to sneak into Tom Cruise’s house. When Katie Holmes saw the woman, she told her, "Be careful — it’s easy to get in, impossible to get out.”
Saw this in the paper today. In Alaska, scientists have caught a fish that is at least a hundred years old. Not surprisingly they found it at a Long John Silvers.
It came with tarter sauce. The fresh catch of the day.
Ferguson
It’s not just any Friday, it’s Good Friday! I’ll be coloring eggs. I like the Cadbury chocolate eggs. The commercial shows the rabbit laying eggs. What kind of mutant is that? If you see a rabbit laying little brown chocolate eggs, you shouldn’t be eating them.
Big movie opening today. "Grindhouse.” Rose McGowan plays a girl with a machine gun leg. Dick Cheney’s dream girl.
How do you pull the trigger? You don’t want it going off every time you sneeze.
I just hope the movie doesn’t give Heather Mills any ideas . . . that bitter divorce with Paul McCartney.
Friday, April 6, 2007
John Edwards' Wife Scared by 'Rabid Republican'
Elizabeth Edwards says she is scared of the "rabid, rabid Republican" who owns property across the street from her Orange County home - and she doesn't want her kids going near the gun-toting neighbor.
Edwards, the wife of Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, particularly recalls the time neighbor Monty Johnson brought out a gun while chasing workers investigating a right of way off his property. The Edwards family has yet to meet Johnson in person.
"I wouldn't be nice to him anyway," Edwards said in an interview. "I don't want my kids anywhere near some guy who when he doesn't like somebody, the first thing he does is pull a gun out. It scares the business out of me."
But Johnson defended the occasion he brandished a gun, saying those on his land didn't have the proper approval.
"I use the gun for protection, and I considered that an appropriate time," Johnson said. "Sometimes you have to take drastic measures."
Edwards views Johnson as a "rabid, rabid Republican" who refuses to clean up his "slummy" property just to spite her family, whose lavish 28,000-square-foot estate is nearby on 102 wooded acres.
Johnson, 55, acknowledges his Republican roots. But he takes offense to the suggestion he has purposefully left his property, including an old garage that he leases for use as a car shop, in dilapidated condition.
Johnson said he has lived his entire life on the property, which he said his family purchased before the Great Depression. He said he's spent a lot of money to try and fix up the 42-acre tract.
"I have to budget. I have to leave within my means," Johnson said. "I don't have millions of dollars to fix the place."
Johnson, who has posted a "Go Rudy Giuliani 2008" sign on a fence just 100 feet from the entrance to the Edwards' driveway, has criticized Edwards for the scale of their nearby home.
The property and home, which includes an indoor basketball court, an indoor handball court and an indoor pool, is valued at $5.3 million.
The Edwardses are still putting the final touches on the property, which they purchased in 2003.
"I thought he was supposed to be for the poor people," Johnson said. "But does he ever socialize with any poor people? He doesn't speak to me."
Johnson said he has put his property on the market, in part blaming the high property taxes for his decision to leave. He also wants to move for another reason.
"I don't want to live somewhere where someone's always complaining about me," he said.
Elizabeth Edwards says she is scared of the "rabid, rabid Republican" who owns property across the street from her Orange County home - and she doesn't want her kids going near the gun-toting neighbor.
Edwards, the wife of Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, particularly recalls the time neighbor Monty Johnson brought out a gun while chasing workers investigating a right of way off his property. The Edwards family has yet to meet Johnson in person.
"I wouldn't be nice to him anyway," Edwards said in an interview. "I don't want my kids anywhere near some guy who when he doesn't like somebody, the first thing he does is pull a gun out. It scares the business out of me."
But Johnson defended the occasion he brandished a gun, saying those on his land didn't have the proper approval.
"I use the gun for protection, and I considered that an appropriate time," Johnson said. "Sometimes you have to take drastic measures."
Edwards views Johnson as a "rabid, rabid Republican" who refuses to clean up his "slummy" property just to spite her family, whose lavish 28,000-square-foot estate is nearby on 102 wooded acres.
Johnson, 55, acknowledges his Republican roots. But he takes offense to the suggestion he has purposefully left his property, including an old garage that he leases for use as a car shop, in dilapidated condition.
Johnson said he has lived his entire life on the property, which he said his family purchased before the Great Depression. He said he's spent a lot of money to try and fix up the 42-acre tract.
"I have to budget. I have to leave within my means," Johnson said. "I don't have millions of dollars to fix the place."
Johnson, who has posted a "Go Rudy Giuliani 2008" sign on a fence just 100 feet from the entrance to the Edwards' driveway, has criticized Edwards for the scale of their nearby home.
The property and home, which includes an indoor basketball court, an indoor handball court and an indoor pool, is valued at $5.3 million.
The Edwardses are still putting the final touches on the property, which they purchased in 2003.
"I thought he was supposed to be for the poor people," Johnson said. "But does he ever socialize with any poor people? He doesn't speak to me."
Johnson said he has put his property on the market, in part blaming the high property taxes for his decision to leave. He also wants to move for another reason.
"I don't want to live somewhere where someone's always complaining about me," he said.
