Thursday, April 19, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Letterman
"How about this, ladies and gentlemen – we’re already getting sucked up into the 2008 Presidential campaign. Are you fascinated and interested in the 2008 Presidential campaign? Thank you, I appreciate you playing along. Listen to this: John Edwards, Presidential hopeful John Edwards had a $400 Beverly Hills haircut. That’s a lot of dough. I mean, honest to God, ladies and gentlemen, this hairpiece didn’t cost me $400…But here’s the worst part: earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial.”
"You know what’s exciting is the ‘American Idol’? Do you folks watch the ‘American Idol’? And you know what? It looks like that kid Sanjaya could win the whole thing. When is Al Sharpton going to step in on this one?”
"Happy anniversary, by the way, to Larry King, celebrating 50 years in broadcasting. Happy anniversary to him. And I want to say something: you watch that show, Larry has not lost a step. Any night, you can still hear Larry say, ‘Clifton, New Jersey, you’re on with Suzanne Pleshette.’ That Larry King, though, you think about it: take away his good looks and his silky voice and what do you have?”
"By God, here’s good news, ladies and gentlemen: our good friend Regis Philbin is returning to his show a week from Thursday, a week from tomorrow. That will be tremendous. And, you know, he had what turned out to be a triple bypass surgery, and the same guys who did my surgery also did Regis Philbin’s surgery. They’re tremendous. And the pain is, you really don’t feel much because they go in through your wallet.”
"And Regis is doing great. He’s in tremendous shape. And I was thinking about it: this is not the first major surgery Regis has had. Are you aware of this? Remember seven year ago, he had Kathie Lee removed.”
Letterman
"How about this, ladies and gentlemen – we’re already getting sucked up into the 2008 Presidential campaign. Are you fascinated and interested in the 2008 Presidential campaign? Thank you, I appreciate you playing along. Listen to this: John Edwards, Presidential hopeful John Edwards had a $400 Beverly Hills haircut. That’s a lot of dough. I mean, honest to God, ladies and gentlemen, this hairpiece didn’t cost me $400…But here’s the worst part: earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial.”
"You know what’s exciting is the ‘American Idol’? Do you folks watch the ‘American Idol’? And you know what? It looks like that kid Sanjaya could win the whole thing. When is Al Sharpton going to step in on this one?”
"Happy anniversary, by the way, to Larry King, celebrating 50 years in broadcasting. Happy anniversary to him. And I want to say something: you watch that show, Larry has not lost a step. Any night, you can still hear Larry say, ‘Clifton, New Jersey, you’re on with Suzanne Pleshette.’ That Larry King, though, you think about it: take away his good looks and his silky voice and what do you have?”
"By God, here’s good news, ladies and gentlemen: our good friend Regis Philbin is returning to his show a week from Thursday, a week from tomorrow. That will be tremendous. And, you know, he had what turned out to be a triple bypass surgery, and the same guys who did my surgery also did Regis Philbin’s surgery. They’re tremendous. And the pain is, you really don’t feel much because they go in through your wallet.”
"And Regis is doing great. He’s in tremendous shape. And I was thinking about it: this is not the first major surgery Regis has had. Are you aware of this? Remember seven year ago, he had Kathie Lee removed.”
