Saturday, April 7, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
What a crowd! . . . or at Easter time, what I like to call my "peeps.”
I heard the annual Easter egg hunt at the White House is going to be a little different this year. Instead of eggs, they’re hiding Alberto Gonzales’ e-mails.
If the jokes don’t seem as good today, the Jewish writers are off for Passover.
The Christian writers are off for Good Friday, so the entire monologue is written by Muslim extremists.
Conan
Easter weekend is here. President Bush is spending six days at his ranch in Texas. He says he will not attend the annual White House Easter egg roll. When asked why, the president said, "Last year someone ruined it by inviting a bunch of children.
The other day in Los Angeles a woman was arrested after she was caught trying to sneak into Tom Cruise’s house. When Katie Holmes saw the woman, she told her, "Be careful — it’s easy to get in, impossible to get out.”
Saw this in the paper today. In Alaska, scientists have caught a fish that is at least a hundred years old. Not surprisingly they found it at a Long John Silvers.
It came with tarter sauce. The fresh catch of the day.
Ferguson
It’s not just any Friday, it’s Good Friday! I’ll be coloring eggs. I like the Cadbury chocolate eggs. The commercial shows the rabbit laying eggs. What kind of mutant is that? If you see a rabbit laying little brown chocolate eggs, you shouldn’t be eating them.
Big movie opening today. "Grindhouse.” Rose McGowan plays a girl with a machine gun leg. Dick Cheney’s dream girl.
How do you pull the trigger? You don’t want it going off every time you sneeze.
I just hope the movie doesn’t give Heather Mills any ideas . . . that bitter divorce with Paul McCartney.
Leno
What a crowd! . . . or at Easter time, what I like to call my "peeps.”
I heard the annual Easter egg hunt at the White House is going to be a little different this year. Instead of eggs, they’re hiding Alberto Gonzales’ e-mails.
If the jokes don’t seem as good today, the Jewish writers are off for Passover.
The Christian writers are off for Good Friday, so the entire monologue is written by Muslim extremists.
Conan
Easter weekend is here. President Bush is spending six days at his ranch in Texas. He says he will not attend the annual White House Easter egg roll. When asked why, the president said, "Last year someone ruined it by inviting a bunch of children.
The other day in Los Angeles a woman was arrested after she was caught trying to sneak into Tom Cruise’s house. When Katie Holmes saw the woman, she told her, "Be careful — it’s easy to get in, impossible to get out.”
Saw this in the paper today. In Alaska, scientists have caught a fish that is at least a hundred years old. Not surprisingly they found it at a Long John Silvers.
It came with tarter sauce. The fresh catch of the day.
Ferguson
It’s not just any Friday, it’s Good Friday! I’ll be coloring eggs. I like the Cadbury chocolate eggs. The commercial shows the rabbit laying eggs. What kind of mutant is that? If you see a rabbit laying little brown chocolate eggs, you shouldn’t be eating them.
Big movie opening today. "Grindhouse.” Rose McGowan plays a girl with a machine gun leg. Dick Cheney’s dream girl.
How do you pull the trigger? You don’t want it going off every time you sneeze.
I just hope the movie doesn’t give Heather Mills any ideas . . . that bitter divorce with Paul McCartney.
