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Hillary Plotting to Derail Obama Plans

Hillary Clinton regards fellow Senator Barack Obama as her biggest obstacle to the Democratic nomination for president in 2008, and is already mapping out strategy to derail an Obama campaign.

Clinton believes enthusiasm for an Obama run would diminish as voters get the message about his lack of experience in government and foreign affairs.

In meetings with fellow Democrats, Clinton and her aides – without mentioning Obama by name – stress that experience will be a major factor in determining a successful candidate during difficult times, "an argument that her team will no doubt make in a stronger way against Mr. Obama if they both jump into the race,” the New York Times reports.

Clinton also considers John Edwards a potentially strong candidate, but discounts the threat from Al Gore and John Kerry, according to political insiders she has spoken with.

Before Congress reconvened, Clinton was engaged in nearly nonstop political consultations, seeking feedback for her campaign strategy. She has spoken in person or by telephone with influential Democrats in early-decision states including Iowa and Nevada – which have early caucuses – and New Hampshire, the first primary state.

But she told one New Hampshire Democrat that she would like to delay the formal start of her campaign until later this year and concentrate on her work in the Senate.

"I recommended that she didn’t need to jump in early, that I would like to see some progress in the Senate, and she said she felt the same way,” William Shaheen, a senior New Hampshire aide to Gore in 2000 and Kerry in 2004, told the Times.

"But sometimes events come into it, other people start beating the drum quicker, and you can lose key people if you wait.”

Rockefeller 'Troubled' by Intelligence Void

John Negroponte's impending departure as U.S. intelligence chief Thursday raised new qualms about the future of national security reforms intended to safeguard the United States against Sept. 11-scale attacks.

Both Democrats and Republicans in Congress openly expressed misgivings about a new change in leadership at the helm of the 16-agency intelligence community, barely 21 months after Negroponte became the first director of national intelligence.

"I am deeply troubled by the timing of this announcement and the void of leadership at the top of our intelligence community," Sen. John Rockefeller of West Virginia, Democratic chairman of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence, said in a statement.

To address such concerns, Bush was expected to nominate retired Navy Adm. Mike McConnell to replace Negroponte as early as Friday, a senior administration official said.

McConnell directed the National Security Agency from 1992 to 1996 and intelligence sources speculated that the former military commander would place greater emphasis on the domestic intelligence operations of the FBI and Department of Homeland Security.

Negroponte, whose job was created by Congress in late 2004, became President Bush's top intelligence adviser in April 2005 when U.S. intelligence was still reeling from major lapses involving Iraq and the Sept. 11 attacks.

Experts have given Negroponte high marks for assembling a talented staff of senior intelligence professionals and fostering the seeds of cooperation between agencies including the CIA and FBI.

"He was just beginning to make the progress that the intelligence reform act of 2004 envisioned in improving the collection and analysis and sharing of intelligence information," said Sen. Susan Collins, the Maine Republican who helped write the legislation setting up the new intelligence agency structure.

But word of the 67-year-old career diplomat's move to the No. 2 post at the State Department also brought a sense of relief to others who viewed his agency as another bureaucracy, with 1,500 staff members and a tepid performance record.

John Pike, director of the online think tank GlobalSecurity.org, said Negroponte showed early fortitude in dealings with contractors involved in a top secret satellite project in 2005.

"It was the make or break of whether he could make hard decisions stick. He passed the test," said Pike. "But if he's done anything major since, he's certainly avoided telling anyone about it."

A main concern for critics and advocates alike was that a change in leadership after so short a tenure would disrupt the continuity necessary to shepherd reforms still in their infancy.

Some noted that Negroponte's former principal deputy, Air Force Gen. Michael Hayden, left his post to become CIA director early last year and has not been replaced.

But Richard Posner, a federal appellate judge and a noted authority on intelligence, said McConnell would provide Bush with a candidate who exhibits the right mix of intelligence experience and management skill.

"There's some loss of continuity and it's unfortunate. But this is essentially a management job, and Adm. McConnell seems to offer the right formula," Posner said.

The judge was among several experts including former intelligence officials who viewed Negroponte as best suited to diplomacy.

"This is a chance to get the round peg in the round hole, and the square peg in the square hole," Posner added.

Saddam letter: Key excerpts

A letter written on 5 November by Saddam Hussein has been released by the former Iraqi leader's lawyers. Here are some key excerpts.

In the past, I was, as you all know, in the battlefield of jihad and struggle.

God, exalted by He, wished that I face the same again in the same manner and the same spirit in which we were before the revolution but with a problem that is greater and harsher.

Oh beloved, this harsh situation, which we and our great Iraq are facing, is a new lesson and a new trial for the people by which to be judged, each depending on their intention, so that it becomes an identifier before God and the people in the present and after our current situation becomes a glorious history.

It is, above all, the foundation upon which the success of the future phases of history can be built.

In this situation and in no other, the veritable are the honest and faithful and the opposing are the false.

When the insignificant people use the power given to them by the foreigners to oppress their own people, they are but worthless and lowly. In our country only good must result from what we are experiencing.

To the great nation, to the people of our country, and humanity: Many of you have known the writer of this letter to be faithful, honest, caring for others, wise, of sound judgement, just, decisive, careful with the wealth of the people and the state... and that his heart is big enough to embrace all without discrimination.

His heart aches for the poor and he does not rest until he helps in improving their condition and attends to their needs.

His heart contains all his people and his nation, and he craves to be honest and faithful without differentiating between his people except on the basis of their efforts, efficiency, and patriotism.

'Sacrifice'

Here I am speaking today in your name and for your eyes and the eyes of our nation and the eyes of the just, the people of the truth, wherever their banner is hoisted.

You have known your brother and leader very well and he never bowed to the despots and, in accordance with the wishes of those who loved him, remained a sword and a banner.

This is how you want your brother, son or leader to be... and those who will lead you (in the future) should have the same qualifications.

Here, I offer my soul to God as a sacrifice, and if He wants, He will send it to heaven with the martyrs, or, He will postpone that... so let us be patient and depend on Him against the unjust nations.

In spite of all the difficulties and the storms which we and Iraq had to face, before and after the revolution, God the Almighty did not want death for Saddam Hussein.

But if He wants it this time, it (Saddam's life) is His creation. He created it and He protected it until now.

Thus, by its martyrdom, He will be bringing glory to a faithful soul, for there were souls that were younger than Saddam Hussein that had departed and had taken this path before him. If He wants it martyred, we thank Him and offer Him gratitude, before and after.

'The enemies'

The enemies of your country, the invaders and the Persians, found that your unity stands as a barrier between them and your enslavement.

They planted and grounded their hateful old and new wedge between you.

The strangers who are carrying the Iraqi citizenship, whose hearts are empty or filled with the hatred that was planted in them by Iran, responded to it, but how wrong they were to think that they could divide the noble among our people, weaken your determination, and fill the hearts of the sons of the nation with hatred against each other, instead of against their true enemies that will lead them in one direction to fight under the banner of God is great: The great flag of the people and the nation.

Remember that God has enabled you to become an example of love, forgiveness and brotherly co-existence...

I call on you not to hate because hate does not leave a space for a person to be fair and it makes you blind and closes all doors of thinking and keeps away one from balanced thinking and making the right choice ...

I also call on you not to hate the peoples of the other countries that attacked us and differentiate between the decision-makers and peoples...

'Forgiveness'

Anyone who repents - whether in Iraq or abroad - you must forgive him...

You should know that among the aggressors, there are people who support your struggle against the invaders, and some of them volunteered for the legal defence of prisoners, including Saddam Hussein...

Some of these people wept profusely when they said goodbye to me...

Dear faithful people, I say goodbye to you, but I will be with the merciful God who helps those who take refuge in him and who will never disappoint any faithful, honest believer... God is Great... God is great... Long live our nation... Long live our great struggling people...

Long live Iraq, long live Iraq... Long live Palestine... Long live jihad and the mujahideen.

Saddam Hussein

President and Commander in Chief of the Iraqi Mujahid Armed Forces

[Additional note:]

I have written this letter because the lawyers told me that the so-called criminal court - established and named by the invaders - will allow the so-called defendants the chance for a last word.

But that court and its chief judge did not give us the chance to say a word, and issued its verdict without explanation and read out the sentence - dictated by the invaders - without presenting the evidence.

I wanted the people to know this.

U.S. Border Arrests Drop by One-Third

Arrests of illegal migrants along the U.S.-Mexican border have dropped by more than a third since U.S. National Guard troops started helping with border security, suggesting that fewer people may be trying to cross.

U.S. Border Patrol agents arrested 149,238 fewer people from the start of July through November, down 34 percent from the same period last year, according to monthly figures provided Tuesday by U.S. Border Patrol spokesman Mario Martinez.

Arrests also had dropped by 9 percent for the same period from 2004 to 2005. If the downward trend continues, it would be the first sustained decrease in illegal immigrant arrests since shortly after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

National Guard troops started arriving along the border June 15, and 6,000 were in place by August.

Victor Clark, a Mexican migration expert in Tijuana, says many migrants fear they will confront U.S. soldiers on the border.

"The presence of the National Guard has had a big impact on migrants," he told The Associated Press on Tuesday.

Border Patrol officials usually attribute a drop in arrests to fewer people crossing.

"We have seen some tangible results," Martinez said. "But we'll have to see over the next few months if it holds up. We are optimistic."

The National Guard troops are not allowed to detain migrants and have been limited to monitoring surveillance cameras and body heat detectors, but they have freed Border Patrol agents and "have helped us tremendously to detect illegal migration traffic," Martinez said.

The United States plans to expand the Border Patrol from just over 11,000 agents to about 18,000 by 2008. The U.S. also plans to build 700 miles of additional border fence.

Other measures may also be deterring crossers. In July, U.S. and Mexican officials started working together to prosecute human smugglers on both sides of the border.

U.S. immigration officials also have been raiding U.S. companies for illegal workers. Earlier this month, 1,300 people were detained in a sweep of meatpacking plants in six states.

Added to that, smugglers have increased their fees, charging as much as $3,000 to hide migrants in their cars and drive them across the border. Before the National Guard troops arrived, the price was about $2,000, migrant activists say.

Still, border experts say the downturn may be temporary while smugglers search for new routes and migrants come up with the money to pay the higher fees.

Edgar Velasquez acknowledges it's become tougher to cross. He spent three days walking in freezing temperatures through the remote mountain country west of Tucson, Ariz., and still was caught.

Agents found a body in those mountains Dec. 19. But that did not deter Velasquez, who said he planned to slip across the Arizona border during the holiday week when he hoped the U.S. patrols will be short-handed as agents take vacations.

"I imagine they also want to be with their families," said Velasquez, resting in the border city of Nogales before embarking on his illegal odyssey to reach a construction job in Florida.

Gustavo Soto, a spokesman with the U.S. Border Patrol Tucson sector, said smugglers often tell migrants there are less border agents out in the desert on holidays or when the weather is bad, "even though we have surveillance on the border 24/7" and 365 days a year.

Some migrants are simply giving up after a single try, something that was almost unheard of only a few years ago.

Esther Ardia walked for nearly three days as temperatures dropped to 14 degrees in the Arizona desert, trying to get back to her job at a North Carolina pine tree farm.

Ardia, 21, couldn't keep up with the group of about 30 illegal migrants and was abandoned by her smuggler after her legs cramped up. She was picked up by the Border Patrol and returned to Mexico.

"I knew it would be hard, but I thought I could make it," said Ardia. "It's very hard. I'm not going to try (to cross) again."

Saddam Letter to Iraq

Saddam Hussein called on Iraqis not to hate the U.S.-led forces that invaded Iraq in 2003 in a farewell letter posted on a Web site Wednesday, a day after an appeals court upheld the former dictator's death sentence and ordered him to be hanged within one month.

One of Saddam's attorneys, Issam Ghazzawi, confirmed to The Associated Press in Jordan that the letter was authentic, saying it was written by Saddam on Nov. 5 - the day he was convicted by an Iraqi tribunal for ordering the killings of scores of Shiite Muslims in the city of Dujail in 1982.

"I call on you not to hate because hate does not leave space for a person to be fair and it makes you blind and closes all doors of thinking," the letter said.

Ghazzawi said the letter was released on Tuesday and published on Saddam's former Baath Party's Web site on Wednesday.

The deposed leader said he was writing the letter because his lawyers had told him the Iraqi High Tribunal which tried his case would give him an opportunity to say a final word.

"But that court and its chief judge did not give us the chance to say a word, and issued its verdict without explanation and read out the sentence - dictated by the invaders - without presenting the evidence," Saddam wrote.

"Dear faithful people," Saddam added, "I say goodbye to you, but I will be with the merciful God who helps those who take refuge in him and who will never disappoint any honest believer."

The letter was released as Saddam's last legal means of avoiding execution came under question. A spokesman for President Jalal Talabani said Wednesday the appeals court order upholding the death sentence might not require Talabani's approval to carry out the execution.

Iraqi officials had said such a decision must be ratified by Talabani and Iraq's two vice presidents. But presidential spokesman Hiwa Osman said that was not necessarily the case.

"Some people believe there is no need for his approval," Osman said. "We still have to hear from the court as to how the procedure can be carried out."

Meanwhile, some Saddam loyalists threatened to retaliate if the ousted Iraqi leader is executed, warning in a posting on the same Baath Party Web site that carried Saddam's letter they would target U.S. interests anywhere.

"The Baath and the resistance are determined to retaliate, with all means and everywhere, to harm America and its interests if it commits this crime," the statement said, referring to Baath fighters as "the resistance."

The Baath Party was disbanded after U.S.-led forces overthrew Saddam in 2003. The Web site is believed to be run from Yemen, where a number of exiled members of the party are based.

In its ruling Tuesday, the appeals court said Saddam must be hanged within 30 days for his role in the Dujail killings. The appeals court also affirmed death sentences for two of Saddam's co-defendants, including his half brother. It ruled that life imprisonment for a third was too lenient and demanded he too be sentenced to death.

Some Iraqis said Saddam should be hanged immediately, but others feared Iraq's bloodletting could escalate if the former dictator is executed at a time when sectarian attacks are already on the rise.

"Executing him now is dangerous. The situation is very bad. Things need to be calmer," said Saadia Mohamed Majed, a 60-year-old Shiite in Baghdad who wants the penalty to be postponed for at least three years. Shiites endured persecution under Saddam and his fellow Sunni Arab leaders, and many are eager to remove a symbol of the old regime.

The court's decision came on a particularly bloody day in Baghdad, when at least 54 Iraqis died in bombings and police discovered 49 apparent victims of sectarian reprisal killings.

Many Baghdad neighborhoods were jittery on Wednesday amid fears that Sunni Arab insurgents would target Shiite areas in revenge attacks. There was a heavy police presence in the downtown area of Karrada, and parents picked up their children from a school after reports of a car bomb in the area.

Violence appeared to be relatively minimal, though, with one car bomb explosion killing eight civilians and wounding 10 near an Iraqi army checkpoint in the capital, police said.

Two Latvian soldiers were also killed and three were wounded when a roadside bomb exploded under their Humvee, the Latvian Defense Ministry said. Latvia has about 130 troops serving with a Polish contingent in Diwaniyah, 80 miles south of Baghdad.

Saddam's defense lawyers, who are based in Amman, Jordan, urged Arab governments and the United Nations to intervene to stop the execution.

"Otherwise, all may be participating in what is going on, either actually or due to their silence in face of the crimes, which are being committed in Iraq in the name of democracy," the lawyers said in an e-mail statement to The Associated Press.

The statement signed by "the Defense Committee for President Saddam Hussein" said the court's rejection of Saddam's appeal was part of the "continued shedding of pure Iraqi blood by the current regime in Iraq, which (is) directly connected with the American occupation."

An expert on war crimes speculated the sentence might be carried out very quickly.

"I won't be surprised if there's just an announcement in several days saying the sentence has been carried out. The ruling says the sentence has to be carried out within 30 days, but it doesn't say you need to wait," said Michael Scharf, a professor at Case Western Reserve University School of Law.

Human Rights Watch, which opposes the execution, said the law creating the Iraqi High Tribunal mandates that death sentences can never be commuted. However, international law says that when a death sentence is given, there must be an opportunity for it to be commuted, the group said.

"There's some real confusion as to who has the authority to ratify the death sentence," said Richard Dicker, director of the group's International Justice Program.

The legal maneuvering in Baghdad was of little concern in the northern Kurdish city of Irbil, where people who suffered under Saddam's brutal rule celebrated the decision upholding his death sentence.

Saddam is currently in the midst of another trial, charged with genocide and other crimes during a 1987-88 military crackdown on Kurds in northern Iraq. An estimated 180,000 Kurds died during the operation. That trial was adjourned until Jan. 8, but experts have said the trial of Saddam's co-defendants is likely to continue even if he is executed.

Saddam is being held at Camp Cropper, an American military prison close to Baghdad's airport. U.S. military officials did not say whether the former dictator will now be turned over to the Iraqis in anticipation of his execution.

Saddam was captured while hiding in a hole in the ground near his home village north of Baghdad in December 2003, eight months after he fled the capital ahead of advancing American troops.

Liberals Coming 'Out of the Basement'

There's one certainty for the Capitol's most liberal lawmakers now that Democrats will control Congress: They won't have to meet in the basement anymore.

"One time they put us in the most obscure, smallest meeting room in the farthest corner," Oregon Rep. Peter DeFazio said of life for progressive Democrats under GOP control. Now, "we should be able to score a regular and accessible meeting place."

That may be the easy part.

Accustomed to pleading in obscurity for causes like universal health care, come January these progressives from Northern California, Massachusetts and elsewhere will be part of the congressional majority and in a position to actually do something about them.

Yet they risk getting pinched between liberals itching for impeachment hearings and a quick end to the Iraq war, and more centrist Democrats looking to make common cause with Republicans on fiscal issues.

And that's assuming progressives can settle on their own goals from a long list of priorities, including universal health care, action on the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, voting reform and fixing the trade imbalance.

"Most of us had one drink on election night and then got really sober," said Rep. Jim McDermott, D-Wash. "We're sort of in the dog-who-caught-the-bus situation. Now that we have it, what do we do with it?"

The Progressive Caucus, founded in 1991 over frustration with the policies of the first Bush administration, claimed 63 members this year and says it is the largest active Democratic caucus in the House. The moderate New Democrats and Blue Dog Democrats have more than 40 members each, with significant overlap.

The 41 new Democratic House members elected in November include a number of moderates in Republican-leaning districts. The Blue Dogs already claim nine new recruits while the Progressive Caucus only names two to date (though it says more are expected), signaling potential difficulties ahead for progressives facing off against newly empowered moderates.

"The vast majority, maybe two-thirds of the Democratic Caucus, or over two-thirds, are not members of the Progressive Caucus, and that says volumes," said Rep. Dennis Cardoza, D-Calif., a Blue Dog member.

But expectations from left-wing constituencies are high after 12 years that saw scant discussion of liberal priorities like health care reform, education investment, affordable housing and trade protections. Troop withdrawal from Iraq is perhaps the top issue, though progressives don't have a unified position on how fast it should happen.

"We'll need progressives to use their committee chairmanships to help put big ideas back on the agenda," said Robert Borosage, co-director of Campaign for America's Future, which participates in a bimonthly strategy session that includes aides to progressive House members.

Liberals will have little patience for Democrats who prefer to play ball with President Bush and the Republicans, Borosage added. "This is not a time when people are going to have much patience for that kind of collaboration," he said.

Some progressives are already signaling that if necessary, they'll face down their own Democratic leaders to advance their priorities. Rep. Maurice Hinchey, D-N.Y., said he wants to see a thorough investigation of the Iraq war, including the rationale for the invasion, and is prepared to challenge party leaders to get it.

"I think most of the leadership understands this. But if leadership wants the wrong thing, then that's what we'll have to do," Hinchey said.

Progressives have already had to disappoint some constituents by deciding not to pursue impeachment hearings against President Bush. "That's a huge, huge disappointment to people in my district," said Rep. Lynn Woolsey, who co-chairs the Progressive Caucus with fellow Northern California Democrat Barbara Lee.

The decision underscores something most House progressives have agreed on: at least at first, they'll scale back their grand plans and focus on goals they can accomplish.

That means backing Speaker-elect Nancy Pelosi - a Progressive Caucus member before she became Democratic leader - on her agenda for the House's first 100 legislative hours. It calls for increasing the minimum wage, reducing energy company subsidies, lowering student loan costs and negotiating prices for Medicare prescription drugs.

After that, progressives hope to turn to their pet causes. But there's one fate they want to avoid: losing the Democratic majority and being forced back into the basement. And that's a powerful incentive to compromise.

"As long as everyone is willing to understand that they are part of the whole, then I think we'll play very well together," said Rep. Michael Capuano, D-Mass., a Progressive Caucus member. "And if we don't, then I think we will be in the minority again."

Goldman Sues O.J. for Book-Deal Bucks

Ronald Goldman's father sued O.J. Simpson on Tuesday, seeking any money the former NFL star received for a canceled book deal and TV interview that told a hypothetical tale of how he would have killed his ex-wife and Goldman.

The federal lawsuit filed in California by Fred Goldman's Indianapolis-based attorney accuses Simpson of "fraudulent conveyance" and alleges that he created a shell corporation that received at least $1.1 million as part of the TV interview and book, titled "If I Did It."

Attorney Jonathan Polak said Lorraine Brooke Associates was created in March using the middle name of Simpson's two children. The lawsuit calls it a "sham entity" formed to defraud Ron Goldman's relatives by preventing them from claiming any of more than $38 million Simpson owes the family from a judgment against him in a wrongful death lawsuit.

Goldman's lawsuit seeks about $1.1 million plus punitive damages, although Polak said he believed Simpson has already spent the money he received from News Corp., the owner of Fox Broadcasting and publisher HarperCollins.

Polak said the lawsuit's true aim is to determine how the book and TV interview deals were reached.

"The question in this lawsuit is not about what's in their bank account right now," he said. "The issue is, can we unwind this series of transactions and hold those we believe truly are responsible accountable financially?"

Polak said he believes Judith Regan — who was fired last week as a publisher by HarperCollins — and Rupert Murdoch, owner of News Corp., need "to come clean" on their knowledge of how Simpson was reimbursed for the deal.

Andrew Butcher, a News Corp. spokesman, said he could not comment on the possibility of Murdoch being deposed.

He said News Corp. has been working with Goldman's family to answer questions about the book deal.

"From the very start, we'd offered every assistance to the family of Ron Goldman. Any information they have asked for regarding the contracts for the Simpson book, we have given them," Butcher said.

Polak said he has asked News Corp. to destroy all copies of the book, as well as copies of the interview with Fox that was to have aired. He also wants News Corp. to assign all rights to those books and interviews to the Goldman family.

Butcher said News Corp. has destroyed all copies of "If I Did It" but objected to the request to assign the rights to the Goldmans.

"You don't own the rights to someone's book in perpetuity," he said. "It doesn't work that way. It's more complicated."

Simpson told The Associated Press last month that he took part in the project solely for personal profit and acknowledged that any financial gain was "blood money."

Simpson would not say how much he was paid in advance, only that it was less than the $3.5 million reported. He said the money already has been spent, some of it on tax obligations.

Messages seeking comment were left Tuesday with Simpson's attorney, Yale Galanter.

Simpson was acquitted of criminal charges in the 1994 killings.

In 1997, a civil court jury, using a lesser standard of proof than is required at a criminal trial, found Simpson liable for Nicole Brown Simpson's and Goldman's stabbing deaths. The jury ordered him to pay about $19.7 million to Goldman's family — an amount Polak said has grown to more than $38 million with interest.

Fred Goldman said in a statement that he was eager to learn who worked with Simpson on the deal.

"We will not stop until we are able to shine the light of truth on those that acted in concert with him," he said.

Late Nite Jokes

Leno

Big announcement from Senator Hillary Clinton. She now says that she wouldn’t have voted to authorize president bush’s attack on Iraq if she knew what she knows now. Big deal. She wouldn’t have married bill Clinton if she knew what she knows now.

The president of Iran an embarrassing setback after voters in Iran elected members of the opposing party in local elections ... Apparently he and president bush have more in common then they realize.

President Bush said this week that Mary Cheney, the vice president’s lesbian daughter that is pregnant, will make a fine mom and a darn good dad too.

There is now a new law outlawing melting down pennies and nickels for profit. Based on current metal prices, both pennies and nickels are worth more melted down. Leave it to the government to figure out a way to lose money while making money. They are making money and their still losing money doing it.

I read this in the wall street journal today: The new trend in Christmas cards this year are "DVD cards” – instead of a letter about your family and what you did this year, you put your yearly memories on a DVD which I really enjoy getting ... you know why? They make great coasters.

Every year since I was a kid I hear people say that Christmas has become too commercialized. You ever hear people say that? Do you think atheist ever complain that Christmas hasn’t become commercialized enough? Do you think they complain that people are too caught up in the true meaning of Christmas? I think you have to be in a certain state of mind for it to be funny. You know the Yule log they show on TV every year. You know, the log in the fireplace burning. Now one of the cable networks is now showing the Yule log in HDTV. This way you can see with absolute clarity that you have no life.

As I’m sure you’ve heard by now, "time” magazine has named "everyone” their person of the year. They said everyone in the world is person of the year. And yet, al gore still came in second. How does that work? They made everyone person of the year, for transforming the information age by using the internet. Remember when you had to be an influential person, someone who changed the world to be "time’s person of the year”? Now all you have to do is download porn. You’re person of the year.

Today in Maine police arrested three illegal Mexican immigrants. How lost were these guys? "San Diego? San Diego?”

This weekend NBC is airing the movie "The Year Without Santa Claus.” It’s about Santa not wanting to do Christmas one year and he tries to get away from everyone. What better place for Santa to hide than NBC primetime! No chance of anyone seeing him there. Santa you are safe.

Conan

Today at the White House, President Bush signed a deal that would send nuclear fuel and know-how to India. When asked about the Indian deal, President Bush said, "It's the least we can do after stealing their land."

Over the weekend Senator Hillary Clinton was asked about President Bush and she said, "I'm not going to believe this President again." Hillary said, "To be fair, I stopped believing Presidents about 10 years ago."

This week in Arizona, the FBI arrested a group of military recruiters who were dealing cocaine from their recruiting offices. When asked about the cocaine, the recruiters said, "How else can we do more before 9 a.m. than most people do all day?"

Robert Gates, the new Secretary of Defense, was sworn in today, and during his speech he thanked his 93-year-old mother. After the speech, Gates' 93-year-old mother told her boy to go out there and kick the Kaiser's ass.

A record company is holding a contest to find an unknown singer to sing with Justin Timberlake at the Grammys. Apparently, they've narrowed "the unknown singer" down to any of the other guys from N'Sync.

The current Miss USA may have her title taken away because she recently spotted making out in a bar with Miss Teen USA. Those who witnessed the kiss say they haven't seen people chant "USA" like that since the 1980 Olympics.

Bono 'Alarmed' By Democrats' AIDS Fund Snub

U2 rocker Bono stormed away from meetings with incoming Democratic leaders in disappointment over their failure to commit to a previously proposed $1 billion outlay to fight AIDS.

"I'm alarmed we could not get a commitment from the Democratic leadership to prevent the loss of $1 billion in the continuing resolution to fight AIDS, malaria and extreme poverty," the rock star said in a statement after the meetings in Washington with Democrats, including incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

President Bush had proposed that amount in the past, the New York Post reported.

"I don't know who's to blame,” Bono said. "Democrats are blaming Republicans, Republicans are blaming Democrats.

"But the million people who were expecting [mosquito] bed nets don’t know who to blame. They just know that a promise made by the United States to keep their families safe is in danger of being broken next year.”

According to the Post, Congressional leaders are expected to freeze the budgets of federal agencies, making it unlikely additional funds will be provided.

Late Nite Jokes

Letterman

"You know, today, ladies and gentlemen, is the busiest mailing day of the year. Yep, the Post Office today handled 900 million pieces of mail. They didn’t deliver them, they just handled them.”

"And as a matter of fact, ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow is the busiest day for people to get on the phone to a relative and say, ‘It may not be there until after Christmas, but it’s coming, so look for it.’”

"Any NBA fans here, basketball fans? You heard about the big brawl over the weekend, the Nuggets and the Knicks down at Madison Square Garden. I don’t know why, I don’t know why this happened, but when it was over, Kobe Bryant’s wife got another diamond.”

"Quite a brawl, but the fans, the fans were reluctant to be part of it. And I’m thinking, well, of course, nobody wants to throw a $15 beer.”

"You know, ladies and gentlemen, there’s a new ‘Rocky’ film opening. Listen to this, the President knew about it and failed to act in time.”

"But in this new ‘Rocky’ film, Rocky fights the heavy-set Dreamgirl.”

"You know, the Mel Gibson motion picture ‘Apocalypto’? A week ago – tremendous business, number one movie in the country. A week ago – tremendous, number one movie in the country. This week, nothing – guess who Mel is blaming?”

"How many of you folks have been to the Olive Garden? Anybody ever eaten at the Olive Garden? Three hundred people have gotten sick now eating at the Olive Garden. And I eat at the Olive Garden all the time. You’ve got to be careful, you’ve got to know the menu. Check the menu out, know what you are ordering. Here is what you avoid, stay away from this: it’s the ‘chicken-catch-a-coli.’”

Leno

I was up late last night partying with Miss USA.

Did you hear about that? Miss USA is being stripped of her crown for behavioral matters. She will no longer be able to perform her duties. What? What duties? She can no longer wave?

Hanukkah has started. I have a friend that converted to Christianity from Judaism last week. Not because of the faith, but because he hadn’t bought his wife a gift yet. He needed that extra week.

Did you know President Bush is the first president to light a menorah in the White House? President Clinton was actually the first to light candles in the Oval Office for mood lighting.

Tiger Woods won his 11th tournament for 2006 yesterday. 11! In terms for the Raiders that would be three seasons.

Momentum is still building for Barack Obama. Do you know what his middle name is? Hussein. It could have been worse – it could be Kerry.

"Time” magazine has come out with its person of the year. It’s you. It’s everyone. This year it is everyone. My question though – if we are all the person of the year why should we have to pay $4.95 for a copy? Shouldn’t we all be given a copy for free?

'We Will Win, We Have to Win'

The White House took a step back Monday from President Bush's confident assertion two months ago that "absolutely, we're winning" the war in Iraq.

"I'm not playing the game any more," said White House press secretary Tony Snow. "It's one of those things where you end up ... trying to summarize a complex situation with a single word or gerund, and - or even a participle."

Snow was questioned repeatedly on the point because former Secretary of State Colin Powell said on Sunday that the situation in Iraq is "grave and deteriorating, and we're not winning, we are losing. We haven't lost."

Bush's declaration - at a news conference on Oct. 25 - was challenged, albeit indirectly, by Robert Gates, the new defense secretary, who raised some eyebrows at his confirmation hearing on Dec. 5 by saying, when asked whether the U.S. was winning in Iraq, "No, sir."

Snow, asked Monday if Bush still believes the United States is winning, said, "I think at this point it ceases to be fruitful to jump into this." He said that "we will win and we have to win."

Late Nite Jokes

Leno

How about this weather? It was so cold Jessica Simpson let Jack Frost nip at her nose just so she could look more like her sister Ashlee.

I almost didn’t make it here tonight. I was out late partying with miss USA. Did you hear about this? Miss USA, Tara Connor from Kentucky, could be stripped of her crown this week for "behavioral issues”. She’s reportedly partying too much and that’s preventing her from performing her official duties, which are what? She’s miss USA. What do they do? You’ve so drunk you can’t wave now?

Of course we are right in the middle of Hanukah. Hanukah started last Friday. Christmas is, of course, next week. I had a Jewish friend of mine converted to Christianity last Thursday. It wasn’t for religious reasons, he just hadn’t bought his wife a gift yet and needed the extra time. "What’s the next holiday? Make me one of those.”

Did you know that President Bush was the first U.S. president to light a menorah at the white house. Although Bill Clinton was the first president to use candles for mood lighting in the oval office. The aroma ones.

President Bush is going to announce his new plan to keep the Sunnis and Shiites from trying to kill each other. Hey, good luck! We can’t even keep the New York Knicks and Denver Nuggets from trying to kill each other. Did you see that huge brawl yesterday at Madison Square Garden during the Knicks/Nugget game? A bunch of players were suspended for up to ten games. Carmelo Anthony suspended for 15 games. It’s a miracle no one was seriously injured. Witnesses say it could have been worse, but luckily the Knicks punches were all air balls.

Over the weekend Indiana Senator Evan Bayh dropped out of the presidential race. I didn’t even know that he had dropped in. Momentum continues for Barack Obama’s campaign. In fact, do you know what Barack Obama’s middle name is - -Hussein. Hussein! It could be worse – it could be Kerry.

Time magazine has named "you” as ‘person of the year.’ that’s right, everyone is being honored by the magazine. They say "you” the public have the biggest affect on the world this year by using the internet. Of course, guys are going, "what? We got an award for looking at porn?”

You know people are going to start putting that on their resume. 2004 worked at the carwash. 2005 manned the window at McDonald’s. Oh and 2006 I was "Time” magazine "person of the year.” Here’s my question, if we’re all "person of the year” why should we have to pay $4.95 to read about it? We won, shouldn’t we be getting a free copy?

One of India’s top computer service firms announced today it is going to start outsourcing its work to Egypt. They have so much work they are outsourcing to Egypt. You know what’s going to happen here—we’re going to call India for computer help, the call will get sent to Egypt and they’ll be so busy they’ll send it to a company in Arizona that can do it cheaper because they hired illegal workers from Mexico. Full circle.

Speaking of that, a California company that was hired to build a fence along the border with Mexico has been charged with hiring illegal immigrants. Isn’t that unbelievable? Prosecutors say this is the worst case of irony they've ever seen.

The Roman Catholic archdiocese in Los Angeles has agreed to pay $60 million to settle 45 sexual abuse lawsuits. This is all part of the church’s new, "We have left the child’s behind” program.

Congratulations to Britain’s Prince William. He’s graduated from the prestigious Sandhurst military academy as an army officer. Today president bush called him to say "you know, your dad can get you out of this. It’s not too late.”

Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones had a birthday today. Happy birthday to him. No word on how old he is, the autopsy results not in yet. But we should know…

Letterman's Top Ten

Top Ten Miss USA Excuses

10. "Thought a slutty Miss USA could help make America popular again"

9. "Haven't been myself since I heard Rumsfeld was retiring"

8. "Cracked under the pressure of having to smile and wave at people for a year"

7. "Russians drugged my sushi"

6. "If a hot babe can't get drunk, sleep around and make out with her female roommate, the terrorists have won"

5. "I told them my talent was 'beer pong'"

4. "It's Isiah Thomas' fault"

3. "Too drunk to think of a number 3"

2. "Wanted to skip straight to the has-been portion of my career"

1. "Why should Paris Hilton get all the 'drunken whore' ink?"

'You' Are Time Mag's 'Person of the Year'

Congratulations! You are the Time magazine "Person of the Year."

The annual honor for 2006 went to each and every one of us, as Time cited the shift from institutions to individuals - citizens of the new digital democracy, as the magazine put it. The winners this year were anyone using or creating content on the World Wide Web.

"If you choose an individual, you have to justify how that person affected millions of people," said Richard Stengel, who took over as Time's managing editor earlier this year. "But if you choose millions of people, you don't have to justify it to anyone."

The magazine did cite 26 "People Who Mattered," from North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il to Pope Benedict XVI to the troika of President Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

And Stengel said if the magazine had decided to go with an individual, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was the likely choice. "It just felt to me a little off selecting him," Stengel said.

The 2006 "Person of the Year" package hits newsstands Monday. The cover shows a white keyboard with a mirror for a computer screen where buyers can see their reflection.

It was not the first time the magazine went away from naming an actual person for its "Person of the Year." In 1966, the 25-and-under generation was cited; in 1975, American women were named; and in 1982, the computer was chosen.

"I always love it when it's a person - and it is a person, not a computer or something like that," Stengel said. "We just felt there wasn't a single person who embodied this phenomenon."

Last year's winners were Bill and Melinda Gates and rock star Bono, who were cited for their charitable work and activism aimed at reducing global poverty and improving world health.

O.J. Simpson's would-be publisher fired

O.J. Simpson's would-be publisher, Judith Regan, was fired Friday, her sensational, scandalous tenure at Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. (NWS) ending with the tersest of announcements.

"Judith Regan's employment with HarperCollins has been terminated effective immediately," HarperCollins CEO Jane Friedman said in a statement. "The REGAN publishing program and staff will continue as part of the HarperCollins General Books Group."

Friedman offered no reason for the announcement, but it comes less than a month after Murdoch's cancellation of Simpson's hypothetical murder confession, "If I Did It," a planned book and Fox television interview that was greeted with instant and near-universal disgust when announced.

HarperCollins did not immediately return phone and e-mail messages seeking additional comment. A message left with Regan's publicist was not immediately returned.

An industry force since the 1980s, when she produced best-sellers by Drew Barrymore and Kathie Lee Gifford for Simon & Schuster, Regan has been labeled a "foul-mouthed tyrant" and the "enfant terrible of American publishing." She is also widely envied - if not admired - for her gift of attracting attention to her books and to herself.

Since 1994, she has headed the ReganBooks imprint at News Corp.'s HarperCollins, an ideal fit for Murdoch's tabloid tastes. Regan has published a long list of racy best-sellers, including Jose Canseco's "Juiced" and Jenna Jameson's "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star," and is the rare publisher of interest to gossip columnists, notably for a rumored affair with former New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik.

She often clashed with her more temperate peers and is widely believed to have had tense relations with Friedman. Last year, Regan moved her offices to Los Angeles, further distancing herself from corporate officials in New York.

Longtime ReganBooks author Jess Walter said he was "flabbergasted" by her firing.

"I think Judith was misunderstood by people," said Walter, a National Book Award finalist last month for his novel, "The Zero."

"The Judith I knew was nothing like the tabloid headlines," he said. "Judith has always been a good friend and one of the few people who never lied to me. Having dealt with publishing and Hollywood, I can't say that about everyone."

Regan has often complained that her more literary side has been overlooked, pointing out that she has published books by Wally Lamb, Douglas Coupland and Jess Walter. The Simpson project, announced the day before the National Book Award ceremony, quickly overshadowed Walter's nomination.

Upcoming titles from ReganBooks include a memoir from former Pentagon aide Douglas Feith, an architect of the U.S. war in Iraq; and sports writer Peter Golenbock's "7: The Mickey Mantle Novel," a raunchy, fictionalized account of the baseball great that has angered some of Mantle's admirers.

Late Nite Jokes

Conan

Scientists are saying that if global warming doesn’t stop the oceans could rise as much as four and a half feet. One thing all scientists can agree on is that Gary Coleman is going to drown.

The White House has hired a new pastry chef. The uncomfortable thing is that he was also hired to be the Secretary of Defense.

Over 250 people got sick after eating at an Indiana Olive Garden restaurant. People are afraid this will ruin Indiana’s reputation for fine Italian food.

Plastic surgeons have been using Botox for years to fight wrinkles, but now doctors are saying that Botox can also be used to relieve constipation. Which is good - because if you can't move your face, you should at least be able to move your bowels.

In a recent interview, Kirstie Alley says she makes her boyfriends wait six months before she'll have sex with them. They insist on waiting twelve months.

Letterman

"I'm so glad you people are here tonight. You seem like a wonderful, nice friendly group and thank God and God bless you. Last night we had a horrible audience. Halfway through the show, the Baker commission declared the situation grave and deteriorating."

"Here's good news, I guess: New York City has banned trans fat from fast foods. Don't worry, you can still get E. Coli."

"You folks been to Taco Bell lately? They have a wonderful new menu item, it's the 'Taco Apocalypto.'"

"But you know, Taco Bell's slogan for a long, long time was 'Think outside the bun.' That was their slogan. They have changed the slogan now, it's a little different: the slogan is 'Look outside for the ambulance.'"

"Well, it's that time, a couple months away from the big Super Bowl – you folks excited about the Super Bowl? And they announced the entertainment for this year's Super Bow half time – it will be Prince. Prince, Prince – that's great. Did they even look at my audition tape?"

"But how about Christmas? It's exciting, isn't it? Isn't it? I was up shopping at Bloomingdale's today and I was in the elevator and they were playing – Kenny G was playing in the elevator and I gave him a nice tip."

"And tonight, by the way, is the beginning of Hanukkah, and everybody is in the Hanukkah spirit. Earlier today, yes, earlier today, a Giants receiver dropped a matzo ball."

"First night of Hanukkah – down in Washington, D.C., a confused George W. Bush went hunting for colored eggs."

Ferguson

Of course tonight is a very special Friday night. It is the first night of Hanukkah tonight. Happy Hanukkah everybody. Very busy party season starts in Los Angeles now. Tonight after the show, I’ll be going to Mel Gibson’s Hanukkah party. Then I’m going over to Kramer’s to celebrate Kwanzaa.

The Pentagon held a party today. The farewell party for Donald Rumsfeld. They did. They actually had a farewell party. Everyone in Washington said party was disaster, but Rumsfeld insists, no it was a success and the party is still going on. No one can figure how to get out of the party.

Sen. Kerry Bashes Bush in Egypt

NewsMax - Senator John Kerry, visiting Egypt Thursday during a tour of the Middle East, accused the Bush administration of neglecting the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Kerry met Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and said they discussed Iraq as well as the Israeli-Palestinian dispute.

"I have always believed that the Middle East peace process is the critical issue of the region, and it has not been focused on for the past 6-7 years adequately," the Massachusetts Democrat told reporters after meeting Mubarak. "I think there has been a huge loss of opportunities."

Kerry, who narrowly lost to President Bush in the 2004 election, is also planning to visit Iraq, Lebanon, Syria, Jordan and Israel.

The senator said he agreed with the recommendation of the Iraq Study Group that the U.S. should engage adversaries such as Iran and Syria in trying to curb the conflict in Iraq. The recommendation was contained in the report by the bipartisan commission to the White House last week.

"I think it is important to talk and have a dialogue, but you don't give up our principles and you don't make deals that are against your larger interest. Syria needs to understand that and also Iran, but I think it is important to begin a discussion," Kerry said.

President Bush has expressed reluctance to seek help from Syria or Iran on Iraq because of their support for militant groups as well as Syria's alleged interference in Lebanon and Iran's suspected pursuit of nuclear weapons.

Late Nite Jokes

Leno

President Bush’s gift list is smaller than last year. Just need to get one gift for England and that’s about it this year.

He is now at his lowest approval rating ever. Twenty-four percent. And if a presidential election were held today – John Kerry would still find a way to lose.

John Kerry is going to Iraq to visit with the troops. That should boost morale. Lets hope he has some new jokes!

Doctor Jack Kevorkian is up for parole this June. He has been approved to be let go as long as he promises not to kill anymore people. It’s the same deal they gave O.J.

Letterman

"Rocky 6” is now in the theater. Don’t kid yourself, Rocky is getting old. In this movie he climbs into the ring and says, "What am I in here for?”

Let’s hope Rocky has something left for number 7!

President Bush says that he is not going to rush into anymore decisions on Iraq. He’s going to consider all advice and options. You know what this means? He’s drinking again.

President Bush is hosting a summit on malaria down in Washington. He has promised not invade malaria.

Letterman

"Everybody's in a great mood because it's a beautiful day here in New York City. Isn't it a lovely day here in the city? It's so nice here in New York City, earlier today, Michael Richards hugged Al Roker."

"It was so beautiful today, Taco Bell customers were actually walking to the emergency room."

"Celebrity birthday – do you like celebrity birthdays? Big celebrity birthday coming up – Jesus. Happy birthday."

"Now here's something kind of sad: you know the Pillsbury doughboy? Poppin' Fresh, I believe is his name. The man who created the Pillsbury doughboy passed away at the age of 91. He will be cremated at 400 degrees for 20 minutes."

"You know what's going to happen? Pretty soon, you'll be able to go to the theater to see another Rocky movie. Are you excited about the new Rocky movie? Rocky number six, as I understand what it is. And don't kid yourself, Rocky is getting old. He climbs into the ring and he says, 'What did I come in here for?'"

"But, seriously, 'Rocky 6' looks great. I just hope he saved a little something for 'Rocky 7.'"

"Well, this is interesting: President Bush refuses now to rush any decision on Iraq. Yeah, he said he's going to be listening to advice, he's going to weigh his alternatives, considering his options – he must be drinking again."

"As a matter of fact, earlier today down in Washington at the White House, President Bush hosted a malaria summit. Hosted a malaria summit – and at the end of the gathering, he promised he would not invade malaria."

Letterman's Top Ten

Top Ten Least Popular Mall Stores

Top Ten Least Popular Mall Stores

10. Big, Tall & Gay

9. Ahmedinejad & Fitch

8. Dentistry Shack

7. Burlington Goat Factory

6. Old Gravy

5. Frederick's of Trenton

4. Billy Dee Williams-Sonoma

3. Just Croutons

2. Larry King's Suspenders World

1. Taco Bell

MoveOn.org Fined by FEC

Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and MoveOn.org Voter Fund, two outside groups that played key roles in the 2004 presidential election, reached an agreement with the Federal Election Commission to pay nearly $450,000 for various violations.

The two groups, along with the League of Conservation Voters, settled charges that they failed "to register and file disclosure reports as federal political committees and accepted contributions in violation of federal limits and source prohibitions," the FEC said in a statement Wednesday.

The commission approved the three settlements on a vote of 6-0.

The FEC's unanimous decision to approve the agreements goes to the heart of campaign tactics that reached full bloom in the 2004 presidential campaign. At issue was the emergence of nonprofit political groups, called 527 organizations based on the section of the Internal Revenue Service code that government their activities, that operated as independent campaigns attacking Kerry or Bush.

The group listed as Swift Boat Veterans and POWs for Truth will pay $299,500. In the 2004 campaign, the group leveled unsubstantiated allegations about Democratic nominee Sen. John Kerry's military record in Vietnam.

MoveOn.org will pay $150,000. The liberal organization challenged President Bush on various issues in the campaign.

The League of Conservation Voters will pay $180,000. The group ran anti-Bush ads on environmental issues.

The civil penalties were the first of this magnitude since the Supreme Court upheld most of the campaign finance law passed by Congress in 2002 that barred political parties from raising unlimited amounts of money from corporations, unions and wealthy individuals.

The FEC concluded that the three 527 organizations violated campaign finance laws because they expressly stated their desire to influence the presidential election in their fundraising, their public statements or their advertisements. Such activity, the FEC said, could only be conducted by political committee registered with the FEC that abide by contribution limits and public disclosure requirements.

Commission Chairman Michael Toner said the penalties send a "strong message" and set "important touchstones for the future."

"This will have significant implications for the 2008 presidential race," he said. "527 organizations are on clear notice about what their legal obligations are."

According to reports filed with the Internal Revenue Service this year, Swift Boat Veterans did not raise any money in 2006, but spent $320,000 on legal fees to the Washington firm of Patton Boggs. Bob Perry, the main financier for the Swift Boat ads, spent $9 million financing other organizations in the 2006 election.

MoveOn.org shut down its Voter Fund organization in 2004, and drove its campaign activity through its political action committee, which raised more than $27 million in the 2006 election cycle. MoveOn also operates a nonprofit organization, MoveOn.org Civic Action, that advocates positions on national issues.

"We welcome the FEC clamping down on pop-up 527s, set up just to influence elections and funded only by big money, since that would almost certainly put Swift Boat Veterans and similar groups out of business," said Wes Boyd, a co-founder of MoveOn.org.

Late Nite Jokes

Letterman

"By the way, welcome to New York City. Isn’t this a great time to be in New York City? You know what is the best thing about New York City this time of year during the holidays? The children, the faces of the kids, am I right? The faces of the kids, and take a good look at those faces because you may have to pick them out of a lineup.”

"Has anybody started Christmas shopping yet? The hottest toy, the biggest toy seller so far for the holidays is this new Elmo doll. Have you read about this? Have you seen it? Apparently, it will bend over – the doll bends over, it will fall on the floor and roll around, it has what they call ‘interactive tickle spots’ – I’m sorry, that’s Paris Hilton.”

"Ladies and gentlemen, here’s great news: Sylvester Stallone has a new ‘Rocky’ movie. I’ve actually seen the new ‘Rocky’ movie and it’s not that exciting. It’s about how Rocky develops a hamburger grill.”

"But it’s interesting, Sylvester Stallone says that he abstained from sex while making his latest ‘Rocky’ sequel. Abstained from sex while he was making the sequel, and I was thinking, ‘Well, hey, Sylvester, how about going ahead and having sex and abstain from making sequels?’”

"Listen to this: a new poll, one in five Americans believe that they can’t trust President Bush. One in five Americans can’t trust President Bush. To put it another way, more Americans would be comfortable accepting a ride from Nicole Richie than trusting President Bush.”

"You know, they had the Iraqi commission report and President Bush says he will now not make a decision about getting out of Iraq till 2007. He says he wants to give it some careful thought – yeah, unlike getting us into Iraq.”

"This is an anniversary, you know what happened in 2003, on this day in 2003? We found Saddam Hussein. Remember that? And isn’t it nice that since Saddam Hussein has been captured, we haven’t had to worry about terrorism or nuts with nuclear weapons?”

"Are you always looking for ways to lose weight? Well, according to a new report, you can lose 200 calories a day by having sex. Two hundred calories a day by having sex – I burn up 200 calories just trying to get the safety cap off the Viagra. But I was thinking about it, 200 calories a day – so, well, hell, instead of going on the Jenny Craig diet, you know, you can just go on Jenny Craig.”

Letterman's Top Ten

Top Ten Signs You Are Not One Of The Most Fascinating People Of 2006

10. You're 37, but you still answer the phone, "Hello, mommy?"

9. Only person who'll interview you is Barbara Walters' nephew, Duane Walters

8. You spend your paycheck on strippers and Slim Jim's

7. Favorite topic of conversation? Thumbtacks

6. Al Gore told you to stop drinking on and on

5. Proudest day was when you unscrambled "dgo" in the "Jumble"

4. Your catchphrase is "Can't, I'm allergic"

3. The public adores you - "The public" being your garage full of raccoons

2. You convened the Iraq study group to determine the state of your underpants

1. You're in charge of onions at Taco Bell


Leno

I come out here and I see all these people coming at me. I feel like Nicole Richie going the wrong way on the freeway. That’s been the big story here in Hollywood for the last couple of days. Nicole Richie arrested on a DUI. At first Nicole tried to hide from the police by pretending to be a dashboard ornament. She admitted to officers that she had taken vicodin. In fact, it was obvious that she swallowed it whole because you could still see the vicodin pill sticking out of each side of her throat. I guess she took the vicodin as a painkiller in anticipation of a head on collision. That shows she’s thinking. I’m not sure where she was going. But I think we can safely rule out hometown buffet.

The federal government conducted raids yesterday of illegal immigrants at swift meat packing plants all around the country. 1,300 illegal workers – or as we call that in L.A., a home depot parking lot. It’s expected that the 1,300 illegal workers will be processed today, deported on Thursday, and hopefully back at work by Friday.

A judge has ruled because all paper money feels the same, the government discriminates against the blind. I think that is unfair. The government doesn’t discriminate against the blind. Isn’t that who lead us into Iraq? A top strategist at the pentagon says the war on terror could take 100 years. Today President Bush warned against setting these timetables. President Bush said today, “I will not be rushed into a decision on Iraq.” I guess one time is enough for him.

The new head of the house intelligence committee, congressman Sylvester Reyes, failed a quiz on terrorist organizations given to him by the congressional quarterly... He didn’t know the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite. He didn’t seem to know what Hezbollah was. So apparently the term “intelligence committee” is just a suggestion, not a requirement.

The idiot president of Iran is holding a conference on whether or not the holocaust took place. Oh shut up. The good news? The conference is being catered by Taco Bell.

The FBI says there’s now a surge in crystal meth labs out in the wooded areas to evade detection. They’re urging hunters to be on the lookout. They say meth labs hidden in wooded areas are dangerous because wildlife can unintentionally discover the drugs and eat them. So if you see a bear who should be hibernating, but he’s doing jazzerobics instead, approach with caution.

The justice department announced that a record number of americans are behind bars this year. And those are just Cincinnati Bengals. Eight Bengals players have been arrested just this year. To which Oakland raider fans said, “why can’t you arrest any of our players?!”

A company announced this week they are now coming out with chewable birth control pills. Hey guys, let me tell you something, if the girl you are having sex with says she wants the chewable ones, she’s way too young. Okay? If she wants Flintstones on them, you’re going to jail!

In the current “Vogue” magazine there’s an interview with Angelina Jolie and she said that she is not really into snuggling, cuddling, hugging, or crying. You thought guys liked her before. Dream girl!

Tony Snow Challenges Senator to ‘Duel’

En garde, Sen. Gordon Smith! White House press secretary Tony Snow may challenge you to a duel.

Responding to a charge by Sen. Gordon Smith, R-Ore., that the U.S. handling of the war in Iraq has been "criminal" and "absurd," Snow told reporters that it was the killing of U.S. soldiers, not the conduct of the war itself, that was "immoral," according to Editor & Publisher.

Asked by a reporter during a White House press briefing if he was just going to "blow it off" in dealing with Smith's charge that the president's policy may be criminal and immoral, by simply saying we just disagree, Snow asked "And what would you like me to say?

"Should I do duels at 10 paces?"

Here, according to E&P is how it went:

Reporter: Republican Sen. Gordon Smith, last week, said, "Our soldiers patrolling the same streets in the same way, being blown up by the same bombs day after day, it's absurd. It may even be criminal," and that he can no longer support this. What is your reaction to a Republican senator saying that what's going on right now in Iraq is criminal?

Snow: Well, we dispute the "criminal" part, obviously, and at the same time, understand the senator's concern.

We share the concern about not doing well enough fast enough. But do not assume that people are simply being blown up. They are on missions. And as General Corelli said last week, "There's not an engagement our people have lost, but it is still important to continue the work of building greater capability and capacity on the part of the Iraqi government and helping them out."

People on both sides are going to have disagreements, much as Joe Lieberman, formerly a Democrat, apparently run out of his party for disagreeing with what was seen as orthodoxy at that time . . .

Reporter: Republican Sen. Smith is challenging the strategy. What he basically said yesterday, as well, was, when you do the same thing over and over again without a clear strategy for victory, that is dereliction, that is deeply immoral. Such is the dispute. He's saying what the president is doing is immoral.

Snow: Well, then we disagree.

Reporter: You're just going to blow it off? A Republican senator is saying the president's policy may be criminal and it's immoral, and you're just saying, we just disagree?

Snow: And what would you like me to say? Should I do duels at 10 paces?

Reporter: Don't you think you should answer for that? You're saying — you've said from this podium over and over that the strategy is a victory, right? And you have a Republican senator is saying there is no clear strategy, that you don't have a strategy.

Snow: Well, let's let Sen. Smith hear what the president has to say. We understand that this is a time where politics are emotional in the wake of an election. And you know what? Sen. Smith is entitled to his opinion. But I'm not sure exactly what you would like —

Reporter: Well, how about answering the central thrust about the strategy, not about, like, politics —

Snow: OK, the strategy is pretty simple. If you take a look, for instance — if you take a look at the Baker-Hamilton commission report, what do they talk about?

They talk about building greater capability on the part of the Iraqis so that you can have an Iraqi government that governs itself, sustains itself, defends itself, who's ally in the war on terror is a democracy.

I don't think it's immoral to be a democracy. I don't think it's immoral to have a state that is able to stand up and defend itself against acts of terror. I don't think it's immoral to defend the Iraqi people against acts of terrorism aimed at Muslims.

Reporter: The senator is not saying that's immoral. He's saying that the U.S. — he's saying, of course democracy is a great goal . . .

Snow: You know what, Ed? Ed, I'll tell you what. You're engaging in an argument and you're trying to fill in the gaps . . .

Reporter: It's not an argument. It's a Republican senator saying it, not me. It's a Republican senator saying it, and he's not . . . Are you saying Republican Sen. Smith is not in favor of democracy?

Snow: Well, I don't know. You just said he said it's immoral; when I listed the elements of the policy, you said that's not what he was talking about. So please tell me what he was talking about.

Reporter: He's saying that day after day, U.S. soldiers are . . . caught up in the middle of a civil war — not about the government there —

Snow: OK, here's what's immoral: the killing of American soldiers. We agree.

Late Nite Jokes

Conan

Dennis Kucinich, who ran for President in '04, announced he's running again in '08. Coincidentally, '04 is the number of votes Kucinich received.

Over the weekend, Ohio State quarterback Troy Smith won the Heisman Trophy but today when he tried to fly home, airline security wouldn't let the Heisman Trophy onboard the plane. Apparently, the Heisman has been considered a deadly weapon ever since O.J. Simpson won one.

Earlier today, Lindsay Lohan issued a statement saying she hasn't had a drink in a week. When asked how she did it, Lindsay said, "I passed out six and a half days ago."

Nicole Richie was arrested for a DUI after she was caught driving the wrong way on the freeway. Police knew Richie was going the wrong way because she was headed towards a restaurant.

This week in China, the pollution is so bad that residents are being asked to stay indoors. As a result, most Chinese people are staying home and ordering American.

Earlier today, the Taco Bell restaurants that had closed during the E. coli outbreak re-opened and assured customers everything is fine. Taco Bell's spokesman said, "Our customers can go back to experiencing the quality diarrhea they're used to.

Leno

A lot of people are now getting interested in the origin of Barak Obama’s name. It turns out his name is actually Kenyan. It’s the Kenyan word for "Hillary’s worst nightmare.”

A U.N. study has found that methane gas causes more global warming than man. Unless the man has ate at Taco Bell.

Something like 30 people have gotten e.coli from Taco Bell. Don’t you remember the good old days when at fast food chains you only had to worry about finding the occasional finger in your food?

Actually the Taco Bell in New Jersey has reopened as a cruise ship. They just opened it back up and pushed it out to sea.

Half of American consumers are buying gift cards this Christmas. The other half are women.

I can’t decide which happy holiday movie I want to go see. It’s either "Apocalypto” or "Blood Diamond”! I can’t decide.

Letterman

“I’m so glad you people are here. You seem like a nice group. But Last night, what a terrible audience – oh, rough, ugly, and they were heckling me in Mayan.

Have you folks seen the new Mel Gibson movie, ‘Apolcalypto’?” Well, it’s apparently – the whole movie is in ancient Mayan, and I’m thinking to myself, if I want to see a movie that’s incomprehensible in language, well, I’ll just go see ‘Rocky Balboa.’”

“How about that Heisman Trophy winner, Troy Smith, from Ohio State, huh? You know, he was taking his Heisman Trophy home with him and they wouldn’t let him through airport security. Yeah, we can’t get Bin Laden, but we’ve got the Heisman, by God.”

“Did you hear about this? You know the big controversy in the NBA? They introduced a brand-new synthetic ball. Were you aware of this? They’re now playing with a brand-new synthetic ball. And now, people hated it, the players all hated the new synthetic ball, so the league announced that they are going back to the old leather ball. Coincidentally, that’s what Larry King’s wife says when she goes home.”

“Anybody here from Ohio? Well, Dennis Kucinich has announce that he’s running for President in 2008, from Ohio. In a related story, somewhere a tree fell in the forest.”

“Did you hear about this? Former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet was buried yesterday. I believe his last words were, ‘Maybe I’ll have just one more chalupa.’”

“Nicole Richie – how about this? – was arrest for D.U.I. Now, this is serious – she knew she was in trouble when the cops slapped the cuffs around her waist.”

“You like medical surveys and studies about medicine and human activity? Boy, I know I do. And there’s a new study: according to – when you have sex, it burns around 200 calories, when you have sex, 200 calories, yeah. Hell, I burn 200 calories just getting the safety lid off the Viagra.”

Christmas Returns at Seattle Airport

Christmas trees are going back up at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport.

Pat Davis, president of the Port of Seattle commission, which directs airport operations, said late Monday that maintenance staff would restore the 14 plastic holiday trees, festooned with red ribbons and bows, that were removed over the weekend because of a rabbi's complaint that holiday decor did not include a menorah.

Airport managers believed that if they allowed the addition of an 8-foot-tall menorah to the display, as Seattle Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky had requested, they would also have to display symbols of other religions and cultures, which was not something airport workers had time for during the busiest travel season of the year, Airport Director Mark Reis said earlier Monday.

Port officials received word Monday afternoon that Bogomilsky's organization would not file a lawsuit at this time over the placement of a menorah, Davis said in a statement.

"Given that, the holiday trees will be replaced as quickly as possible," he said.

Davis added that the rabbi "never asked us to remove the trees; it was the port's decision based on what we knew at the time."

There were no immediate plans to display a menorah, airport spokesman Bob Parker said, saying restoration of the trees was expected to take place overnight Monday.

"A key element in moving forward will be to work with the rabbi and other members of the community to develop a plan for next year's holiday decorations at the airport," the port statement said.

The rabbi has also offered to give the port an electric menorah to display, said his lawyer, Harvey Grad.

"We are not going to be the instrument by which the port holds Christmas hostage," Grad said, emphasizing the rabbi never sought removal of the trees, but addition of the menorah.

The rabbi had received "all kinds of calls and emails," many of them "odious," Grad said, adding he was "trying to figure out how this is consistent with the spirit of Christmas."

Thirteen trees had sat above foyers that lead outside to the airport drive. The largest tree, which Reis estimated to be 15 or 20 feet tall, was placed in a large lobby near baggage claim for international arrivals.

After the removal, some airline workers decorated ticketing counters with their own miniature Christmas trees.

Customer service agents with Frontier Airlines pooled their money Monday morning to buy four 1-foot-high Christmas trees, which they placed on the airline's ticketing counter. Atop a Delta counter, workers put up a tree several feet tall.

The airlines lease space for ticket counters from the airport, and can display trees there if they want, Reis said.

Late Nite Jokes

Leno

A new U.N report says that methane gas from cows is a bigger contributor to global warming than emissions from automobiles. So this explains Al Gore’s weight gain. Singled handedly he has been taking care of the problem one hamburger at a time.

Smog is bad in Tehran, Iran. Apparently they have a huge problem there. It’s so bad that scientists can’t even see the nuclear bomb right in front of them while they’re working.

Mel Gibson’s "Apocalypto” is a big hit at the box office. It’s about a group of people that vanish in Mexico. The original title was "From Here to Wal-Mart”.

Actor Wesley Snipes has been arrested. Still no word yet on Osama bin Laden.

Conan

Kevin Federline might be competing in an upcoming pro-wrestling event. I never thought I would ever say this, but I expected better out of pro-wrestling.

Letterman

"Thank you so much, and welcome to a show of this kind. Welcome to this kind of show – or as the staff calls it, 'Apocalypto.'"

"Now, here is another surprise: you know what the number one movies was? 'Apolcalypto' – how many of you folks got a chance to sneak out and see 'Apocalypto'? It's a Mel Gibson movie and chronicles the collapse of the Mayan civilization, and you know who Mel is blaming for that."

"'Apocalpyto' – but it is a terribly violent motion picture. It shows bloody human sacrifices, and Donald Rumsfeld is calling it the 'feel-good movie of the year.'"

"Let me ask you a question: do you like science? Do you also like scientific discoveries? You know, when I came out here, I could tell. Scientists have found a 50 million-year-old shrimp, 50 million-year-old shrimp – it was in the seafood salad at Taco Bell."

"By the way, Taco Bell has a new menu item: it is the 'chili con coli'... Talk abut thinking outside the bun. What? Look out."

"And how about the new Iraq study group? They have release their 142-page report. And President Bush has not commented. He said, 'I'm not going to comment on this until I've completely ignored it.'"

"Here is some good news: Dick Cheney's daughter, who happens to be a lesbian, is pregnant. You can't get me on this one."

Leno

The Christmas tree at the White House fell over. Actually, it didn’t really fall. What happened was president Bush was standing next to it when a photographer walked into the room and apparently the tree was trying to distance himself from President Bush.

President Bush has received a copy of the 96 page Iraq study group report. When they gave it to him President Bush said, "Don’t tell me how it ends.” And they said, "It doesn’t.”

Happy birthday to senator John Kerry. This is his 63rd birthday. They threw him a surprise party for him. Well, they think he was surprised…with his personality it’s hard to tell. Instead of blowing out the candles he just talked to them until all the life just flickered out.

According to a U.N. report, methane gas from cows is more damaging to the environment than automobile emissions... That explains why Al Gore has put on so much weight ... He is trying to single-handedly rid the world of cows, one cheeseburger at a time.

If you think smog is bad here, it’s being reported that the city of Tehran in Iran is having a huge smog problem. Apparently the smog in that city is so bad Iranian scientists can’t even see the nuclear bomb they claim they’re not working on.

Mel Gibson’s new movie "Aapocalypto” is the number one movie in the country. It’s about a huge group of people who vanish from Mexico. In fact, the original title was "from here to Wal-mart.” But they changed it later.

Speaking of that, a man in a Wal-mart in Oklahoma…shopping at Wal-mart, found a plastic bag of cocaine on one of it’s shelves. Here’s the interesting part, it was marked down to $1.35. They really do have low prices. No one can figure out how it got there. They are now saying that they don’t believe the cocaine belonged to an employee because nobody working at Wal-mart can afford cocaine. In fact, one elderly greeter said, "the wife and I can barely afford a hit of crystal meth on the weekends.”

This week a group of evangelical ministers have started working with the reverend Ted Haggard…remember he got caught with a male prostitute…they are working with him on his "restoration plan" to transform him from gay to straight. They say they're going to spend a lot of time counseling him and having "soul-bearing" talks and then they will sit around and discuss their feelings. Doesn't that sound kind of gay?

It has happened again. In Fort Collins, Colorado, a 29-year-old female schoolteacher is accused of having sexual relations with a 17-year-old male student. According to the court affidavit, they did everything except actually have sex. They simulated sex with their clothes on. Or as we call that when I was in high school, the prom.

A woman in fort wayne, Indiana is suing because she got shot in her car at a Taco Bell drive through restaurant. She said that Taco Bell should have done more to protect her from people. Hey, Taco Bell can’t even protect her from their own food. Bullets are the least of your problems at Taco Bell. Because of this e. Coli outbreak, Taco Bell is going to have to make major changes in their sanitation procedures... Or, maybe just lower their price.

This weekend, we also had the opening of the film, "Unaccompanied Minors.” Or as [ex-]congressman Mark Foley calls it, "The greatest movie ever made.”

Letterman's Top Ten

10. "Are my affairs in order?"

9. "Why is the counter kid wearing a hazmat suit?"

8. "Will the hot sauce kill the bacteria?"

7. "Is this how they poisoned that Russian spy?"

6. "Do I really want to succumb to a taco-related death?"

5. "Should I go somewhere safer for lunch like Fallujah?"

4. "Will this help me meet the recommended E.coli daily requirement?"

3. (No number 3 -- writer ate a bad chalupa)

2. "What would Kristie Alleyy do?"

1. "Wait - when was Taco Bell not tainted with E.coli?"

Afghan Warlord: GOP Loss a Win for Militants

In a rare video message, Afghan insurgent leader Gulbuddin Hekmatyar claims that American troops will be forced out of Afghanistan like the Soviets before them.

The leader of the Hezb-e-Islami militant group also touts the Republican Party defeat in last month's U.S. midterm elections as a victory for militants fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq.

"It seems that every bullet that mujahedeen had fired toward the Americans in Iraq and Afghanistan has turned into a vote against Bush," Hekmatyar said in the undated video statement received by Associated Press Television in Pakistan.

"There is no doubt that is a great victory and success for Afghan and Iraqi mujahedeen," he said. "I am convinced that the fate [the] Soviet Union faced is awaiting America as well."

The bespectacled and bearded Hekmatyar, who wore a neat black turban, speaks in an undisclosed location in front of a rattan backdrop. He is wrapped in a light gray shawl.

It was not clear where or when the three-minute video was made. But the reference to the mid-term elections, when the Republican Party of U.S. President George W. Bush lost control of the U.S. Senate and Congress to the Democrats, indicated it was recorded after Nov. 7.

Hezb-e-Islami is active in eastern Afghanistan along the Pakistan border where U.S. forces are deployed. Western security officials suspect Hekmatyar is hiding in the border area. This year has seen an escalation in the insurgency led by the former ruling Taliban.

"Very soon we will see that, God willing, American troops will leave Afghanistan and Iraq with their heads bowed down," Hekmatyar said in the video.

Hekmatyar was a leader of the mujahedeen that fought the Soviet occupation of the 1980s and was briefly Afghan prime minister during the civil war of the early 1990s that cost tens of thousands of lives.

New Intel Chief Reyes Flunks Terror Quiz

Rep. Silvestre Reyes has been tapped by Nancy Pelosi to chair the House Intelligence Committee. But it seems the Texas Democrat suffers from a serious lack of intelligence about the terrorist organizations his committee will deal with in the war on terrorism.

During an interview with Congressional Quarterly National Security Editor Jeff Stein, Reyes was asked whether al-Qaida was a Sunni or Shiite organization.

"Al-Qaida, they have both,” Reyes answered. "You’re talking about predominantly? . . . Predominantly, probably Shiite.”

In fact, al-Qaida was founded by Osama bin Laden as a Sunni organization, and its members view Shiites as heretics.

Stein then asked if Reyes knew who Hezbollah was. "Hezbollah,” Reyes replied. "Uh, Hezbollah . . .” He never did offer an answer.

Stein told CNN that he was "amazed” by Reyes’ lack of basic knowledge about the two terrorist groups.

"If you’re the baseball commissioner and you don’t know the difference between the Yankees and the Red Sox, you don’t know baseball,” Stein said. "You’re not going to have the respect of the people you work with.”

Reyes is not alone among elected officials when it comes to a lack of basic knowledge about Islam and the Middle East. Stein said that when he interviewed two other Intelligence Committee members last year – Reps. Jo Ann Davis, R-Va., and Terry Everett, R-Ala. – both were "flummoxed” by basic questions about Sunnis and Shiites.

The lack of familiarity with Islamic and Middle Eastern culture extends even to U.S. officials in Iraq. The recent report from the Iraq Study Group disclosed that only about two dozen of the 1,000 staffers at the U.S. Embassy in Baghdad have some knowledge of the Arabic language – and just six are fluent.

State Dept. Skips CIA, Goes Google

The U.S. State Department recently asked the CIA to identify Iranians who could be sanctioned for their role in their country’s nuclear-weapons program.

The CIA refused.

So the State Department did an end run around the agency and found at least some of what it was looking for – by using Google.

A junior foreign-service officer at the department typed search terms such as "Iran and nuclear” into the search engine and selected those with the most hits, the Washington Post reported.

The list was submitted to the CIA for approval, but again the agency refused to cooperate, claiming its agents on the Iran desk were already overworked and the disclosure could compromise its intelligence sources.

So the State Department cut the list further and resubmitted it.

Eventually the list was whittled down to 12 individuals the CIA did approve, although none is believed to be directly connected to Iran’s secret military effort to produce a nuclear warhead, according to the Post.

The 12 Iranians could be subject to travel bans or curbs on their business dealings under a draft resolution now being considered at the United Nations.

Late Nite Jokes

Leno

Washington, D.C. is going to be smoke free. You won’t be able to smoke anywhere in D.C. The one exception is federal buildings. You know how this happened? Force of habit. All part of, "Do as we say, not as we do.”

The House Ethics Committee has found that Mark Foley didn’t do anything illegal. They said it was willful ignorance, but he broke no law. What law? The Cardinal Bernard Law?

Who was the chair of this committee? Michael Jackson?

Today the Christmas tree at the White House blew over. It was leaning too far to the right.

Have you put up Christmas lights? People here in Beverly Hills get a little crazy. My neighbor has a live nativity scene out on the front lawn. Baby Jesus is being played by Gary Coleman.

The Seminole Nation is going to purchase the Hard Rock Café chain. It’s now going to be called the "Hard Like Rock Café”.

CBS has a new reality show coming out called "Armed and Famous”. Celebrities are going to train to be in law enforcement. Celebrities with guns – nothing can go wrong there! I think this is the break Robert Blake has been looking for.

We tried to book Wesley Snipes for the show tonight but he was already booked.

Santorum Warns of 'Islamic Fascism' Threat

In a departing speech Wednesday on the Senate floor, Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum warned of the growing threat of what he calls "Islamic fascism."

It was a familiar theme for Santorum, the No. 3 Senate Republican, who lost in the Nov. 7 general election to Democrat Bob Casey. Throughout his campaign, he warned of the escalating threats from countries such as Iran, Venezuela and North Korea.

Santorum, a two-term incumbent, said Wednesday his one regret about not returning for the next Congress is that he won't be able to focus on the issue of energy security.

"It is lunacy, it is suicidal to continue to allow the energy markets at the levels they are now given the fact that a vast majority of those energy dollars are going to people who want to kill us and destroy everything we believe in," Santorum said. "We can no longer play games with our energy security."

Santorum, who has not announced his future plans, said he will continue to work on issues related to Syria and Iran.

"I will do my best after I leave this place to continue to confront these enemies and to give the United States the opportunity to succeed in this war," Santorum said.

Earlier Wednesday, Santorum voted against confirming Robert Gates as defense secretary. Gates, who was confirmed by the Senate, was named by President Bush to replace Donald H. Rumsfeld. Santorum said the U.S. needs to confront Iran rather than "engaging someone who is at war with us. I think he is in error."

As he did in his campaign in a series of speeches throughout Pennsylvania, Santorum referred on Wednesday to what he said were multiple forces trying to undermine the United States as the "gathering storm" - a phrase that is also the title of Churchill's memoir about the causes of World War II.

He said he was advised not to talk about the issue in the campaign, but he felt as a senator it was important to discuss the issues critical at the time. He said he still believes that "Islamic fascism" is the biggest enemy of the time.

He said it's an unpopular battle and U.S. leaders have "not had the courage to stand up and define the enemy as to who they are and study and understand them and explain to the American people who they are."

Late Nite Jokes

Ferguson

"It has been a funny year, a year of public apologies ...”

"Mel Gibson of course apologized for his drunken anti-Semitic tirade in Malibu. Well, he didn’t really apologize, what he said was he apologized on behalf of the tequila that made him do it. The Jose Cuervo. So basically he blamed the Mexican people for making him blame the Jewish people.”

"Tom Cruise apologized to Brooke Shields for saying she shouldn’t take the anti-depressants. They actually became such good friends, Brooke went to his wedding. And she had a great time. Of course she had a great time, she’s on anti-depressants.”

"You know who owes me an apology, Britney Spears ... throughout the whole K-Fed I was on her side. And then, there was the picture on the internet of her showing her undercarriage. I don’t know if you saw it – it was not a good look…It put me off the ladies, turned me gay for 5 days.”

No One-on-One Iran Talks

The White House on Wednesday said it has ruled out one-on-one talks with Iran about Iraq unless Tehran suspends nuclear activities, after the Iraq Study Group recommended more engagement with the Islamic republic.

The report by the bipartisan panel recommended that the White House overcome its resistance to dealing directly with Iran and Syria.

"It's not clear . . . whether the report advocates one-on-one talks with Iran, there is talk about developing a support group," White House spokesman Tony Snow said.

"There may be a difference between one-on-one talks with Iran, which is something that we have ruled out," he said. "Unless Iran verifiably suspends its enrichment and reprocessing activities."

President George W. Bush has repeatedly said Iran must suspend its nuclear activities program. "The president believes that Iran has to change its behavior," Snow said.

He emphasized that the White House would look carefully at the recommendations of the Iraq Study Group. "I don't want to rule out entirely because it's worth taking a look at what all this means."