Friday, December 15, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
President Bush’s gift list is smaller than last year. Just need to get one gift for England and that’s about it this year.
He is now at his lowest approval rating ever. Twenty-four percent. And if a presidential election were held today – John Kerry would still find a way to lose.
John Kerry is going to Iraq to visit with the troops. That should boost morale. Lets hope he has some new jokes!
Doctor Jack Kevorkian is up for parole this June. He has been approved to be let go as long as he promises not to kill anymore people. It’s the same deal they gave O.J.
Letterman
"Rocky 6” is now in the theater. Don’t kid yourself, Rocky is getting old. In this movie he climbs into the ring and says, "What am I in here for?”
Let’s hope Rocky has something left for number 7!
President Bush says that he is not going to rush into anymore decisions on Iraq. He’s going to consider all advice and options. You know what this means? He’s drinking again.
President Bush is hosting a summit on malaria down in Washington. He has promised not invade malaria.
Letterman
"Everybody's in a great mood because it's a beautiful day here in New York City. Isn't it a lovely day here in the city? It's so nice here in New York City, earlier today, Michael Richards hugged Al Roker."
"It was so beautiful today, Taco Bell customers were actually walking to the emergency room."
"Celebrity birthday – do you like celebrity birthdays? Big celebrity birthday coming up – Jesus. Happy birthday."
"Now here's something kind of sad: you know the Pillsbury doughboy? Poppin' Fresh, I believe is his name. The man who created the Pillsbury doughboy passed away at the age of 91. He will be cremated at 400 degrees for 20 minutes."
"You know what's going to happen? Pretty soon, you'll be able to go to the theater to see another Rocky movie. Are you excited about the new Rocky movie? Rocky number six, as I understand what it is. And don't kid yourself, Rocky is getting old. He climbs into the ring and he says, 'What did I come in here for?'"
"But, seriously, 'Rocky 6' looks great. I just hope he saved a little something for 'Rocky 7.'"
"Well, this is interesting: President Bush refuses now to rush any decision on Iraq. Yeah, he said he's going to be listening to advice, he's going to weigh his alternatives, considering his options – he must be drinking again."
"As a matter of fact, earlier today down in Washington at the White House, President Bush hosted a malaria summit. Hosted a malaria summit – and at the end of the gathering, he promised he would not invade malaria."
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Least Popular Mall Stores
Top Ten Least Popular Mall Stores
10. Big, Tall & Gay
9. Ahmedinejad & Fitch
8. Dentistry Shack
7. Burlington Goat Factory
6. Old Gravy
5. Frederick's of Trenton
4. Billy Dee Williams-Sonoma
3. Just Croutons
2. Larry King's Suspenders World
1. Taco Bell
Leno
President Bush’s gift list is smaller than last year. Just need to get one gift for England and that’s about it this year.
He is now at his lowest approval rating ever. Twenty-four percent. And if a presidential election were held today – John Kerry would still find a way to lose.
John Kerry is going to Iraq to visit with the troops. That should boost morale. Lets hope he has some new jokes!
Doctor Jack Kevorkian is up for parole this June. He has been approved to be let go as long as he promises not to kill anymore people. It’s the same deal they gave O.J.
Letterman
"Rocky 6” is now in the theater. Don’t kid yourself, Rocky is getting old. In this movie he climbs into the ring and says, "What am I in here for?”
Let’s hope Rocky has something left for number 7!
President Bush says that he is not going to rush into anymore decisions on Iraq. He’s going to consider all advice and options. You know what this means? He’s drinking again.
President Bush is hosting a summit on malaria down in Washington. He has promised not invade malaria.
Letterman
"Everybody's in a great mood because it's a beautiful day here in New York City. Isn't it a lovely day here in the city? It's so nice here in New York City, earlier today, Michael Richards hugged Al Roker."
"It was so beautiful today, Taco Bell customers were actually walking to the emergency room."
"Celebrity birthday – do you like celebrity birthdays? Big celebrity birthday coming up – Jesus. Happy birthday."
"Now here's something kind of sad: you know the Pillsbury doughboy? Poppin' Fresh, I believe is his name. The man who created the Pillsbury doughboy passed away at the age of 91. He will be cremated at 400 degrees for 20 minutes."
"You know what's going to happen? Pretty soon, you'll be able to go to the theater to see another Rocky movie. Are you excited about the new Rocky movie? Rocky number six, as I understand what it is. And don't kid yourself, Rocky is getting old. He climbs into the ring and he says, 'What did I come in here for?'"
"But, seriously, 'Rocky 6' looks great. I just hope he saved a little something for 'Rocky 7.'"
"Well, this is interesting: President Bush refuses now to rush any decision on Iraq. Yeah, he said he's going to be listening to advice, he's going to weigh his alternatives, considering his options – he must be drinking again."
"As a matter of fact, earlier today down in Washington at the White House, President Bush hosted a malaria summit. Hosted a malaria summit – and at the end of the gathering, he promised he would not invade malaria."
Letterman's Top Ten
Top Ten Least Popular Mall Stores
Top Ten Least Popular Mall Stores
10. Big, Tall & Gay
9. Ahmedinejad & Fitch
8. Dentistry Shack
7. Burlington Goat Factory
6. Old Gravy
5. Frederick's of Trenton
4. Billy Dee Williams-Sonoma
3. Just Croutons
2. Larry King's Suspenders World
1. Taco Bell
