Friday, April 24, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
David Letterman
According to a new poll, 2 out of 3 New Yorkers would like to have Eliot Spitzer again as their governor. Well sure — 2 out of 3 New Yorkers are hookers.
The guy got stuff done. He had a reputation for being on top of everything.
Bernie Madoff’s wife, Ruth, is saying she has her own money. She says she has $62 million in savings. She says it’s not swindle money; it’s not fraud money; it’s money she made from yard sales.
It’s money she says she saved by switching to GEICO.
Craig Ferguson
“Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” is returning to prime time. Due to the recession, it’s been renamed “Who Wants Five Bucks and a Taco.”
Michael Jackson’s limo has been in an accident. There was no damage to the limo; however, Michael Jackson’s face suffered $1 million in improvements.
William Shakespeare’s birthday today. He’s 445 years old. Almost as old as Larry King.
Jimmy Fallon
I was watching Larry King interviewing Levi Johnston, the father of Bristol Palin’s baby. He asked, “Exactly where did sex occur in the Palin’s house?” And then, it was incredible . . . my TV threw up.
I heard that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "The Hills" will be getting married this weekend. And if you'd like to send a gift, they're registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond Shameless.
Police in North Carolina are looking for a pregnant woman who attempted to rob a bank at gunpoint. FBI sketch artists have just released a sonogram. Be careful everyone she is armed and lactating.
David Letterman
According to a new poll, 2 out of 3 New Yorkers would like to have Eliot Spitzer again as their governor. Well sure — 2 out of 3 New Yorkers are hookers.
The guy got stuff done. He had a reputation for being on top of everything.
Bernie Madoff’s wife, Ruth, is saying she has her own money. She says she has $62 million in savings. She says it’s not swindle money; it’s not fraud money; it’s money she made from yard sales.
It’s money she says she saved by switching to GEICO.
Craig Ferguson
“Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” is returning to prime time. Due to the recession, it’s been renamed “Who Wants Five Bucks and a Taco.”
Michael Jackson’s limo has been in an accident. There was no damage to the limo; however, Michael Jackson’s face suffered $1 million in improvements.
William Shakespeare’s birthday today. He’s 445 years old. Almost as old as Larry King.
Jimmy Fallon
I was watching Larry King interviewing Levi Johnston, the father of Bristol Palin’s baby. He asked, “Exactly where did sex occur in the Palin’s house?” And then, it was incredible . . . my TV threw up.
I heard that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of "The Hills" will be getting married this weekend. And if you'd like to send a gift, they're registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond Shameless.
Police in North Carolina are looking for a pregnant woman who attempted to rob a bank at gunpoint. FBI sketch artists have just released a sonogram. Be careful everyone she is armed and lactating.
