Thursday, May 21, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. He's going to turn it into a Pontiac dealership.
Vice President Biden is on a trip to Bosnia, Serbia, and Kosovo. The White House is calling it "Operation Keep Biden Away From a Microphone."
He goes to Antarctica next.
The economy is bad. It's so bad, Amy Winehouse is now snorting only Diet Coke.
David Letterman
Trump magazine is going out of business. So you see, the recession isn't all bad.
I have a subscription. Tremendous magazine: real estate column, financial report, and of course, the monthly hair tip.
Michael Vick is now out of prison. He's on house arrest. The judge gave him strict, specific instructions: "Staaaaaaay."
Cher's birthday today. She's 63. She'll be on display at the New York City Museum of Natural History.
Craig Ferguson
Michael Vick was released from prison. Just to be safe, Scooby Doo has moved to Canada.
Cher is 63 today. I think her boobs are only 5, and her butt is 2.
Big "American Idol" finale last night. More people vote for "American Idol" than in the presidential election. That's not true. But maybe to get more people involved in politics, we should have the candidates sign their positions. They could have a sing-off.
Jimmy Fallon
It's Fleet Week in New York City. Lots of sailors strolling around. Or as Clay Aiken calls it, hunting season.
Both President Obama and Dick Cheney will give competing speeches tomorrow on national security and terrorism. It's kind of like "American Idol," except one of them got voted off months ago.
The Somali pirate on trial in Manhattan was indicted on 10 charges of piracy. His bail was set at 100 doubloons.
Jay Leno
President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. He's going to turn it into a Pontiac dealership.
Vice President Biden is on a trip to Bosnia, Serbia, and Kosovo. The White House is calling it "Operation Keep Biden Away From a Microphone."
He goes to Antarctica next.
The economy is bad. It's so bad, Amy Winehouse is now snorting only Diet Coke.
David Letterman
Trump magazine is going out of business. So you see, the recession isn't all bad.
I have a subscription. Tremendous magazine: real estate column, financial report, and of course, the monthly hair tip.
Michael Vick is now out of prison. He's on house arrest. The judge gave him strict, specific instructions: "Staaaaaaay."
Cher's birthday today. She's 63. She'll be on display at the New York City Museum of Natural History.
Craig Ferguson
Michael Vick was released from prison. Just to be safe, Scooby Doo has moved to Canada.
Cher is 63 today. I think her boobs are only 5, and her butt is 2.
Big "American Idol" finale last night. More people vote for "American Idol" than in the presidential election. That's not true. But maybe to get more people involved in politics, we should have the candidates sign their positions. They could have a sing-off.
Jimmy Fallon
It's Fleet Week in New York City. Lots of sailors strolling around. Or as Clay Aiken calls it, hunting season.
Both President Obama and Dick Cheney will give competing speeches tomorrow on national security and terrorism. It's kind of like "American Idol," except one of them got voted off months ago.
The Somali pirate on trial in Manhattan was indicted on 10 charges of piracy. His bail was set at 100 doubloons.
