Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
The big story is the Supreme Court. President Obama has found his nominee. She is Federal Appeals Judge Sonia Sotomayor. A Latino woman. You know what that means — Ruth Bader Ginsburg will no longer be the hot chick on the court.
If confirmed she would be the country’s first Hispanic justice. Her first order of business? Deporting Lou Dobbs.
The Republicans were a little disappointed. When they heard Obama say he might appoint a minority, they said, “Oh great, a Republican!” Then they realized.
Judge Sotomayor seemed overwhelmed today. She said it really won’t sink in until she hears Rush Limbaugh say he hopes she fails. Then she knows . . .
Craig Ferguson
"Night at the Museum" made a bazillion dollars over the weekend. There's a sex museum in Amsterdam — I hope that's where they make the next one.
I would hate to actually spend a real night in a museum. All those ancient fossils and dusty old bones . . . if I wanted that I'd watch "60 Minutes."
The museum I do like is Madam Tussauds Wax Museum in London. There's a figure of Sean Connery that's very lifelike. You can tell it's fake only because he's holding a drink that still has some left in it.
Jimmy Fallon
President Obama has nominated Sonia Sotomayor as the first female Hispanic justice on the Supreme Court. Obama said it will help keep the court from leaning too far to the white.
She grew up in the Bronx. She said, "Don't be fooled by the robes I got, I'm still Sonia from the block."
North Korea test-fired two missiles after they detonated a nuclear bomb. OK North Korea we get it — you have a small penis.
In West Virginia, a clown returning from a kid's party was arrested for drunk driving. Police say he tried to turn the breathalizer into a giraffe.
Jay Leno
The big story is the Supreme Court. President Obama has found his nominee. She is Federal Appeals Judge Sonia Sotomayor. A Latino woman. You know what that means — Ruth Bader Ginsburg will no longer be the hot chick on the court.
If confirmed she would be the country’s first Hispanic justice. Her first order of business? Deporting Lou Dobbs.
The Republicans were a little disappointed. When they heard Obama say he might appoint a minority, they said, “Oh great, a Republican!” Then they realized.
Judge Sotomayor seemed overwhelmed today. She said it really won’t sink in until she hears Rush Limbaugh say he hopes she fails. Then she knows . . .
Craig Ferguson
"Night at the Museum" made a bazillion dollars over the weekend. There's a sex museum in Amsterdam — I hope that's where they make the next one.
I would hate to actually spend a real night in a museum. All those ancient fossils and dusty old bones . . . if I wanted that I'd watch "60 Minutes."
The museum I do like is Madam Tussauds Wax Museum in London. There's a figure of Sean Connery that's very lifelike. You can tell it's fake only because he's holding a drink that still has some left in it.
Jimmy Fallon
President Obama has nominated Sonia Sotomayor as the first female Hispanic justice on the Supreme Court. Obama said it will help keep the court from leaning too far to the white.
She grew up in the Bronx. She said, "Don't be fooled by the robes I got, I'm still Sonia from the block."
North Korea test-fired two missiles after they detonated a nuclear bomb. OK North Korea we get it — you have a small penis.
In West Virginia, a clown returning from a kid's party was arrested for drunk driving. Police say he tried to turn the breathalizer into a giraffe.
