Friday, January 30, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Gov. Rod Blagojevich was convicted and removed from office. No longer governor. By a vote of 59 to nothing . . . so close.
So that’s one corrupt politician down, 126,388 more to go.
It’s not over. He could still go to jail. In fact, he will be the first Illinois governor to go to jail since the last one . . . and the one before that . . and then there were a couple more . . .
So now the lieutenant governor will now move up and he will be sworn in. Blagojevich still doesn’t get it. When he heard the lieutenant governor was going to get his seat, Blagojevich said, “You mean for free?”
David Letterman
Cold outside. Wow. So cold, remember that woman who had eight babies? They went back in.
So cold, the state of Illinois impeached Al Roker.
Rod Blagojevich spoke for 47 minutes at his impeachment hearing. It really took its toll on him. Afterwards, they had to rush him to the emergency room at Supercuts.
On this date in 2002, President Bush gave his “Axis of Evil” speech. The Axis of Evil was Iran, Iraq, and Dick Cheney.
Conan O'Brien
Political experts are wondering what the future will hold for Gov. Rod Blagojevich. On the bright side, he has been offered a job by Supercuts for the “before” picture.
This week on CNN, they’ve been showing a blueprint of the White House to help viewers visualize the layout of the west wing. When he saw it, former President Bush said, “So that’s where the bathroom was.”
The government of Iceland collapsed because of the financial; crisis. Apparently, the only person to ever make money in Iceland is Bjork.
According to a new study, there’s been an increase of illegal immigrants living in Canada. That must be some tunnel.
Craig Ferguson
The state Senate kicked Rod Blagojevich out today. He did the smart thing any criminal would do — he asked Oprah for a pardon.
It’s Oprah’s birthday today. If you’re looking to get her something special for her birthday, forget it — she’s already got two.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck from “The View,” announced that she’s pregnant. She’ll have to deal with the crying, diaper changes, drooling, and when she’s done with Barbara Walters, then she’ll have to look after the baby.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Today is Oprah’s 55th birthday. When are they going to make this an official holiday?
We should switch Arbor Day to Oprah Day. It’s just two letters off.
I feel bad for her pal, Stedman. What do you get the woman who has her own president?
Rod Blagojevich finally showed up for his impeachment trial. He spoke for 47 minutes. They were finally able to nab him with a butterfly net and some AquaNet.
Jay Leno
Gov. Rod Blagojevich was convicted and removed from office. No longer governor. By a vote of 59 to nothing . . . so close.
So that’s one corrupt politician down, 126,388 more to go.
It’s not over. He could still go to jail. In fact, he will be the first Illinois governor to go to jail since the last one . . . and the one before that . . and then there were a couple more . . .
So now the lieutenant governor will now move up and he will be sworn in. Blagojevich still doesn’t get it. When he heard the lieutenant governor was going to get his seat, Blagojevich said, “You mean for free?”
David Letterman
Cold outside. Wow. So cold, remember that woman who had eight babies? They went back in.
So cold, the state of Illinois impeached Al Roker.
Rod Blagojevich spoke for 47 minutes at his impeachment hearing. It really took its toll on him. Afterwards, they had to rush him to the emergency room at Supercuts.
On this date in 2002, President Bush gave his “Axis of Evil” speech. The Axis of Evil was Iran, Iraq, and Dick Cheney.
Conan O'Brien
Political experts are wondering what the future will hold for Gov. Rod Blagojevich. On the bright side, he has been offered a job by Supercuts for the “before” picture.
This week on CNN, they’ve been showing a blueprint of the White House to help viewers visualize the layout of the west wing. When he saw it, former President Bush said, “So that’s where the bathroom was.”
The government of Iceland collapsed because of the financial; crisis. Apparently, the only person to ever make money in Iceland is Bjork.
According to a new study, there’s been an increase of illegal immigrants living in Canada. That must be some tunnel.
Craig Ferguson
The state Senate kicked Rod Blagojevich out today. He did the smart thing any criminal would do — he asked Oprah for a pardon.
It’s Oprah’s birthday today. If you’re looking to get her something special for her birthday, forget it — she’s already got two.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck from “The View,” announced that she’s pregnant. She’ll have to deal with the crying, diaper changes, drooling, and when she’s done with Barbara Walters, then she’ll have to look after the baby.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Today is Oprah’s 55th birthday. When are they going to make this an official holiday?
We should switch Arbor Day to Oprah Day. It’s just two letters off.
I feel bad for her pal, Stedman. What do you get the woman who has her own president?
Rod Blagojevich finally showed up for his impeachment trial. He spoke for 47 minutes. They were finally able to nab him with a butterfly net and some AquaNet.
