Friday, January 23, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Because of the flubbed oath of office the other day, Chief Justice John Roberts went over to the White House last night and gave Barack Obama the oath again. Some legal scholars were concerned that since the oath was not given properly, we legally did not have anybody at the helm for 36 hours. Hey, big deal — we haven't had anybody at the helm for eight years.
Even though there was a lot of coverage of the inauguration here, in Iran, state TV completely ignored it — no film, no radio. It was like the inauguration wasn't even happening. No, I'm sorry, that was Fox news.
Obama signed an executive order calling for the closure of Gitmo within a year. Know how he can make sure it closes even faster? Make it a bank.
Obama also issued an executive order banning gifts from lobbyists to anyone serving in his administration. In fact, they even went down and removed the gas pump that Exxon had installed in Dick Cheney's office.
Conan O'Brien
Today, President Barack Obama signed the order to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. And, in the spirit of ending torture, Obama also ended the New Kids on the Block tour.
Earlier today, President Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton all appeared together at a press conference. There was an awkward moment when both men realized they were wearing the same suit as Hillary.
Obama's chief of staff has ordered federal agencies to freeze funding on a lot of projects that President Bush tried to push through in his final days. So for now, The National Scooby Doo Museum remains a distant dream.
Shortly after his inauguration, Obama spoke on the phone to the leader of the Palestinians and the leader of the Israelis. Both men started their call by asking Obama, "Hey — what was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"
Craig Ferguson
Oscar nominations came out today. “Benjamin Button” got 13. That’s as many as people who have actually seen the movie.
Today was Hillary Clinton’s first day as secretary of state. She’s now in charge of all foreign affairs. Bill Clinton will still handle all domestic affairs.
President Barack Obama signed the executive order to close down Guantanamo Bay. I was against Gitmo from the get-go.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
All of Hollywood is abuzz with news of the Oscar nominations: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” got 13 nominations, one for each hour of running time.
If you haven’t seen it you should; it’s like “Forrest Gump” meets “Forrest Gump.”
President Barack Obama has been busy. Already he’s done more in two days than Bush did in his entire presidency.
Jay Leno
Because of the flubbed oath of office the other day, Chief Justice John Roberts went over to the White House last night and gave Barack Obama the oath again. Some legal scholars were concerned that since the oath was not given properly, we legally did not have anybody at the helm for 36 hours. Hey, big deal — we haven't had anybody at the helm for eight years.
Even though there was a lot of coverage of the inauguration here, in Iran, state TV completely ignored it — no film, no radio. It was like the inauguration wasn't even happening. No, I'm sorry, that was Fox news.
Obama signed an executive order calling for the closure of Gitmo within a year. Know how he can make sure it closes even faster? Make it a bank.
Obama also issued an executive order banning gifts from lobbyists to anyone serving in his administration. In fact, they even went down and removed the gas pump that Exxon had installed in Dick Cheney's office.
Conan O'Brien
Today, President Barack Obama signed the order to close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. And, in the spirit of ending torture, Obama also ended the New Kids on the Block tour.
Earlier today, President Obama, Vice President Joe Biden, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton all appeared together at a press conference. There was an awkward moment when both men realized they were wearing the same suit as Hillary.
Obama's chief of staff has ordered federal agencies to freeze funding on a lot of projects that President Bush tried to push through in his final days. So for now, The National Scooby Doo Museum remains a distant dream.
Shortly after his inauguration, Obama spoke on the phone to the leader of the Palestinians and the leader of the Israelis. Both men started their call by asking Obama, "Hey — what was the deal with Aretha Franklin's hat?"
Craig Ferguson
Oscar nominations came out today. “Benjamin Button” got 13. That’s as many as people who have actually seen the movie.
Today was Hillary Clinton’s first day as secretary of state. She’s now in charge of all foreign affairs. Bill Clinton will still handle all domestic affairs.
President Barack Obama signed the executive order to close down Guantanamo Bay. I was against Gitmo from the get-go.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
All of Hollywood is abuzz with news of the Oscar nominations: “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” got 13 nominations, one for each hour of running time.
If you haven’t seen it you should; it’s like “Forrest Gump” meets “Forrest Gump.”
President Barack Obama has been busy. Already he’s done more in two days than Bush did in his entire presidency.
