Thursday, January 29, 2009
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Barack Obama is trying to reach out to the Muslim world. He appeared in a Muslim TV show called, “How I Met Your Mullah.”
Gov. Rod Blagojevich was on television comparing himself to Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King. I think he looks more like Skippy from “Family Ties.”
Earlier this week, all e-mail service at the White House completely collapsed. Everything had to be written on paper by hand. It was like John McCain had been elected president.
Freezing weather this week. The roads were so icy, Al Gore almost didn’t make it to his global warming speech.
David Letterman
A woman in California gave birth to eight babies. Of course, now she’s looking to move to a much larger shoe.
The governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich . . . they’re trying to get him out of there. He looks like the guy who tells you you need new brake pads.
He looks like the insurance guy who keeps calling you “captain.”
According to experts, Barack Obama is the most famous person in the world. Here’s why: There are now more people in the world.
Conan O'Brien
Bruce Springsteen is going to perform at the Super Bowl — and oddsmakers are laying odds on what song he will play first. The odds are 2 to 1 that he’ll play “Born in the USA” and 25,000 to 1 that he’ll play “I’m A Little Teacup.”
President Obama still hasn’t gotten used to the White House — today on his way into the Oval Office he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. White House employees said at first it made them laugh — then a wave of nostalgia washed over them.
President Obama said that people in Washington can’t handle harsh winter weather like people in Chicago. To be fair, Chicago is shielded from snow and ice by the protective dome of Gov. Blagojevich’s hair.
NBC just announced a new deal with American Airlines to show NBC programming on its flights. So look for a lot more planes making emergency landings in the Hudson.
Craig Ferguson
A pair of shoes worn by Sarah Palin sold for $2,000 in an online auction. Apparently, the shoes have magical powers. They allow the wearer to step into situations they are totally unqualified for.
Mickey Rourke plays a wrestler in a new movie. Now he’s becoming a real-life wrestler. I wonder if he will be wearing a pair of special shoes he bought in an online auction . . .
He’s going to be in WrestleMania 25. I want to watch, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to follow it. I didn’t see WrestleMania 1-24.
Jay Leno
Barack Obama is trying to reach out to the Muslim world. He appeared in a Muslim TV show called, “How I Met Your Mullah.”
Gov. Rod Blagojevich was on television comparing himself to Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King. I think he looks more like Skippy from “Family Ties.”
Earlier this week, all e-mail service at the White House completely collapsed. Everything had to be written on paper by hand. It was like John McCain had been elected president.
Freezing weather this week. The roads were so icy, Al Gore almost didn’t make it to his global warming speech.
David Letterman
A woman in California gave birth to eight babies. Of course, now she’s looking to move to a much larger shoe.
The governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich . . . they’re trying to get him out of there. He looks like the guy who tells you you need new brake pads.
He looks like the insurance guy who keeps calling you “captain.”
According to experts, Barack Obama is the most famous person in the world. Here’s why: There are now more people in the world.
Conan O'Brien
Bruce Springsteen is going to perform at the Super Bowl — and oddsmakers are laying odds on what song he will play first. The odds are 2 to 1 that he’ll play “Born in the USA” and 25,000 to 1 that he’ll play “I’m A Little Teacup.”
President Obama still hasn’t gotten used to the White House — today on his way into the Oval Office he tried to mistakenly open a window that he thought was a door. White House employees said at first it made them laugh — then a wave of nostalgia washed over them.
President Obama said that people in Washington can’t handle harsh winter weather like people in Chicago. To be fair, Chicago is shielded from snow and ice by the protective dome of Gov. Blagojevich’s hair.
NBC just announced a new deal with American Airlines to show NBC programming on its flights. So look for a lot more planes making emergency landings in the Hudson.
Craig Ferguson
A pair of shoes worn by Sarah Palin sold for $2,000 in an online auction. Apparently, the shoes have magical powers. They allow the wearer to step into situations they are totally unqualified for.
Mickey Rourke plays a wrestler in a new movie. Now he’s becoming a real-life wrestler. I wonder if he will be wearing a pair of special shoes he bought in an online auction . . .
He’s going to be in WrestleMania 25. I want to watch, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to follow it. I didn’t see WrestleMania 1-24.
