Saturday, December 27, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard At The Bush Family Christmas
10. "Condi's gooned on egg nog — mission accomplished"
9. "It was nice of the White House to hire Sarah Palin to work the coat check"
8. "When all is said and done, history will show that this get-together sucked"
7. "Cheney's stopping by — charge the defibrillator"
6. "Please don't spoil this occasion by talking about the economy, climate change, Iraq, Afghanistan, collapse of the Republican Party, or approval ratings"
5. "He's spent three-and-a-half hours trying to pronounce 'Chanukah'"
4. "The Ghost of Christmas Past is here to remind us how great things were under Clinton"
3. "Why is Barack Obama moving his stuff into the Oval Office?"
2. "The red cheeks. The huge belly — Al Gore's here!"
1. "What do you get for the guy who's wrecked everything?"
David Letterman
Every New Year’s in Times Square, they drop the ball. Not this year. Angry investors are dropping Bernie Madoff off a building.
I will not be in Times Square this year. If I want to watch a ball drop, I’ll watch the Detroit Lions.
Christmas is over. Sidewalk Santas are now back to selling crack.
I think my son was disappointed at what he got this year. After opening his gifts, he started throwing shoes at me.
Craig Ferguson
Christmas is over. Isn’t it great? You don’t have to see your family until next Thanksgiving.
I didn’t get what I wanted this year. What I really wanted was the day off after Christmas.
The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day where I come from. It comes from opening the donation boxes after Christmas. Priests would hand out money to the poor. We could do that here in America — the day after Christmas we could give help to the needy: the hobos, the poor, like the car companies . . . the banks . . .
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Things Overheard At The Bush Family Christmas
10. "Condi's gooned on egg nog — mission accomplished"
9. "It was nice of the White House to hire Sarah Palin to work the coat check"
8. "When all is said and done, history will show that this get-together sucked"
7. "Cheney's stopping by — charge the defibrillator"
6. "Please don't spoil this occasion by talking about the economy, climate change, Iraq, Afghanistan, collapse of the Republican Party, or approval ratings"
5. "He's spent three-and-a-half hours trying to pronounce 'Chanukah'"
4. "The Ghost of Christmas Past is here to remind us how great things were under Clinton"
3. "Why is Barack Obama moving his stuff into the Oval Office?"
2. "The red cheeks. The huge belly — Al Gore's here!"
1. "What do you get for the guy who's wrecked everything?"
David Letterman
Every New Year’s in Times Square, they drop the ball. Not this year. Angry investors are dropping Bernie Madoff off a building.
I will not be in Times Square this year. If I want to watch a ball drop, I’ll watch the Detroit Lions.
Christmas is over. Sidewalk Santas are now back to selling crack.
I think my son was disappointed at what he got this year. After opening his gifts, he started throwing shoes at me.
Craig Ferguson
Christmas is over. Isn’t it great? You don’t have to see your family until next Thanksgiving.
I didn’t get what I wanted this year. What I really wanted was the day off after Christmas.
The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day where I come from. It comes from opening the donation boxes after Christmas. Priests would hand out money to the poor. We could do that here in America — the day after Christmas we could give help to the needy: the hobos, the poor, like the car companies . . . the banks . . .
