Thursday, October 30, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Just six days from today, we’ll know for sure exactly which candidate will be suing the other for voter fraud.
Barack Obama’s 30-minute infomercial appeared on three major networks: Fox, NBC, and CBS. Of course NBC was thrilled — to be considered a major network.
During the ad, NBC was showing “Pushing Daisies.” Which is the name of the McCain ad.
The Democrats’ definition of the rich keeps going down: Barack said no one making under $250,000 a year will see a tax increase. Then he said no one making under $200,000 will see a tax increase. Then Joe Biden said no one making under $150,000 will see a tax increase. I think we’re going to see a tax increase.
David Letterman
Cold here in New York City. So cold, John McCain’s teeth were chattering . . . on the night stand.
I just got my 2009 Sarah Palin calendar. It’s pretty hot stuff. In April, Sarah Palin is in a bikini firing a state trooper.
They’re saying there’s some friction between John McCain and Sarah Palin. Staffers suspected there was something wrong when McCain started referring to Palin as “that one.”
They say that recently, on a campaign bus trip, John McCain actually snubbed Sarah Palin. To be fair, she was busy on the bus trip. She was shooting squirrels out the window.
Conan O'Brien
Yesterday in Washington, the Secret Service arrested a man who climbed over the White House fence. The Secret Service told the man, “Get back here, Mr. President, you have two more months."
Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Apparently, if you watched the entire infomercial, Barack threw in a free set of Ginsu knives or a BeDazzler.
On NBC, Barack Obama’s infomercial pre-empted the new show “Knight Rider.” So Obama is not even president yet, and he’s already making America a better place."
It was reported that Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the conservative co-host of “The View,” has been receiving death threats. This is the first time there’s been a death threat at the “The View” since Barbara Walters accidentally ate Star Jones’ lunch.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Cloris Leachman — she was voted off of “Dancing with the Stars” last night. It seems that America can’t wait until Election Day to vote against a senior citizen.
Today, Barack Obama hit back at the charges that he’s a socialist by joking that since he shared his toys as a child, he must be a communist. To which John McCain responded, “You had toys as child? I had to play with dinosaurs.”
There is more political fallout today. Apparently, because of arguments over their political stances, “The View’s” Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Joy Behar are no longer speaking. Two down, three to go.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It was infomercial night in America. Three major television networks, CBS, NBC, and Fox, along with MSNBC, Univision, TV1, and BET, joined together to take Barack Obama’s money from him.
In an effort to catch up to Obama, McCain is digging in as hard as he can. Sarah Palin too. On the heels of the success they’ve had with Joe the plumber, they’ve been bringing in other characters. Last week they had “Richard the forest.”
On Monday, Sarah Palin introduced the best one yet: “Tito the builder.”
Jay Leno
Just six days from today, we’ll know for sure exactly which candidate will be suing the other for voter fraud.
Barack Obama’s 30-minute infomercial appeared on three major networks: Fox, NBC, and CBS. Of course NBC was thrilled — to be considered a major network.
During the ad, NBC was showing “Pushing Daisies.” Which is the name of the McCain ad.
The Democrats’ definition of the rich keeps going down: Barack said no one making under $250,000 a year will see a tax increase. Then he said no one making under $200,000 will see a tax increase. Then Joe Biden said no one making under $150,000 will see a tax increase. I think we’re going to see a tax increase.
David Letterman
Cold here in New York City. So cold, John McCain’s teeth were chattering . . . on the night stand.
I just got my 2009 Sarah Palin calendar. It’s pretty hot stuff. In April, Sarah Palin is in a bikini firing a state trooper.
They’re saying there’s some friction between John McCain and Sarah Palin. Staffers suspected there was something wrong when McCain started referring to Palin as “that one.”
They say that recently, on a campaign bus trip, John McCain actually snubbed Sarah Palin. To be fair, she was busy on the bus trip. She was shooting squirrels out the window.
Conan O'Brien
Yesterday in Washington, the Secret Service arrested a man who climbed over the White House fence. The Secret Service told the man, “Get back here, Mr. President, you have two more months."
Earlier tonight, Barack Obama aired a half-hour infomercial to attract more voters. Apparently, if you watched the entire infomercial, Barack threw in a free set of Ginsu knives or a BeDazzler.
On NBC, Barack Obama’s infomercial pre-empted the new show “Knight Rider.” So Obama is not even president yet, and he’s already making America a better place."
It was reported that Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the conservative co-host of “The View,” has been receiving death threats. This is the first time there’s been a death threat at the “The View” since Barbara Walters accidentally ate Star Jones’ lunch.
Craig Ferguson
Not a great day for Cloris Leachman — she was voted off of “Dancing with the Stars” last night. It seems that America can’t wait until Election Day to vote against a senior citizen.
Today, Barack Obama hit back at the charges that he’s a socialist by joking that since he shared his toys as a child, he must be a communist. To which John McCain responded, “You had toys as child? I had to play with dinosaurs.”
There is more political fallout today. Apparently, because of arguments over their political stances, “The View’s” Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Joy Behar are no longer speaking. Two down, three to go.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It was infomercial night in America. Three major television networks, CBS, NBC, and Fox, along with MSNBC, Univision, TV1, and BET, joined together to take Barack Obama’s money from him.
In an effort to catch up to Obama, McCain is digging in as hard as he can. Sarah Palin too. On the heels of the success they’ve had with Joe the plumber, they’ve been bringing in other characters. Last week they had “Richard the forest.”
On Monday, Sarah Palin introduced the best one yet: “Tito the builder.”
