Saturday, October 18, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
John McCain got some good news today: The Charleston Daily Mail endorsed him, saying that since he will only be a one-term president, he can do the right thing to make tough decisions. When they told him the endorsement was for only four years, McCain said, “Four years — that’s great. My doctor only gave me two.”
Is anyone buying this whole “Joe the plumber” thing? Turns out that’s not his full name. It’s “Joe Hussein the plumber.”
I think Republicans are relieved by this whole Joe the plumber thing — a guy who gets down on his knees in front of a toilet and is not Sen. Larry Craig.
The economy’s in bad shape. Today I saw a pimp driving a Kia.
David Letterman
Sen. John McCain was on the program. He kept referring to me as “that one.”
McCain has unveiled his new campaign persona: "Fighting Underdog.” And if that doesn’t work, he’s going to be “Tyrannical Sea Captain.” And if that doesn’t work, “Fun-Loving Gaucho.” “Cruise Ship Gigolo.” “Heartless Press Agent.”
“W.” opens today. If there’s one thing I can’t get enough of, it’s the Bush family.
I’m proud to say that I’m in “W.” I have a small part. I play the guy who gets peppered with birdshot by Dick Cheney.
Conan O'Brien
The presidential campaign is finally winding down. It seems like forever. This campaign began in 1955.
In a speech earlier this week, John McCain said, “I’ve been fighting for the United States since I was 17.” Then he said, “Of course, back then, it was called Pangaea.”
This week in Tennessee, a man named his newborn baby after Sarah Palin. The man named her Sarah Palin after he asked her to name three countries and she just stared blankly into space.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
In less than three weeks, we will elect a new president — I am going to go out on a limb and predict that it will be either Sen. John McCain or Sen. Barack Obama.
Or maybe two of The Jonas Brothers, who knows.
Obama and McCain appeared together at the annual Al Smith dinner in New York City. It’s traditional for candidates to giver funny speeches. Obama and McCain were both funny. McCain said, “Even in this room full of proud Democrats, I can’t shake that feeling that some are pulling for me . . . I’m delighted to see you here, tonight, Hillary.”
Jay Leno
John McCain got some good news today: The Charleston Daily Mail endorsed him, saying that since he will only be a one-term president, he can do the right thing to make tough decisions. When they told him the endorsement was for only four years, McCain said, “Four years — that’s great. My doctor only gave me two.”
Is anyone buying this whole “Joe the plumber” thing? Turns out that’s not his full name. It’s “Joe Hussein the plumber.”
I think Republicans are relieved by this whole Joe the plumber thing — a guy who gets down on his knees in front of a toilet and is not Sen. Larry Craig.
The economy’s in bad shape. Today I saw a pimp driving a Kia.
David Letterman
Sen. John McCain was on the program. He kept referring to me as “that one.”
McCain has unveiled his new campaign persona: "Fighting Underdog.” And if that doesn’t work, he’s going to be “Tyrannical Sea Captain.” And if that doesn’t work, “Fun-Loving Gaucho.” “Cruise Ship Gigolo.” “Heartless Press Agent.”
“W.” opens today. If there’s one thing I can’t get enough of, it’s the Bush family.
I’m proud to say that I’m in “W.” I have a small part. I play the guy who gets peppered with birdshot by Dick Cheney.
Conan O'Brien
The presidential campaign is finally winding down. It seems like forever. This campaign began in 1955.
In a speech earlier this week, John McCain said, “I’ve been fighting for the United States since I was 17.” Then he said, “Of course, back then, it was called Pangaea.”
This week in Tennessee, a man named his newborn baby after Sarah Palin. The man named her Sarah Palin after he asked her to name three countries and she just stared blankly into space.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
In less than three weeks, we will elect a new president — I am going to go out on a limb and predict that it will be either Sen. John McCain or Sen. Barack Obama.
Or maybe two of The Jonas Brothers, who knows.
Obama and McCain appeared together at the annual Al Smith dinner in New York City. It’s traditional for candidates to giver funny speeches. Obama and McCain were both funny. McCain said, “Even in this room full of proud Democrats, I can’t shake that feeling that some are pulling for me . . . I’m delighted to see you here, tonight, Hillary.”
