Friday, October 10, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Everyone is talking about how boring the debate was the other night. Experts say neither candidate scored a knockout punch. But I don’t know about that — after about 10 minutes, I was out like a light.
Obama says there’s nothing to the accusation of a friendship with ‘60s radical Bill Ayers. He says Ayers was a person he knew early in his career, but now plays no role in his campaign. Kind of like the Clintons.
In describing her beautiful home, Sarah Palin says that when she stands on her porch she can see the moon. You know what that means — she’s now qualified to be an astronaut.
AIG executives asked for and got another $37 billion. Earlier this week, they announced they are going on another retreat. This time with golf and massages at the Ritz Carlton. You know, instead of a bailout, how about locking these guys up with no bail?
David Letterman
Beautiful day in New York City: 72 and sunny. John McCain? Seventy-three and cranky.
I like John McCain. He looks like the guy at Home Depot who mixes paint.
At the debate, John McCain referred to Barack Obama as “that one.” McCain later apologized. He got confused — he thought he was at the bakery.
President Bush announced he’s taking over the banks. Well . . . crisis over!
Conan O'Brien
Today is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. Or as we call it the O’Brien house, Thursday.
On Saturday night, Sarah Palin is going to drop the first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers’ hockey game. Then Palin will spend the rest of the game trying to keep the hockey players out of her daughter’s penalty box.
This week, independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader announced that he is opening up 22 campaign offices nationwide. Which means that every Nader supporter will get his or her own office.
Members of the press corps are complaining that Barack Obama’s airplane is cramped and has a terrible odor. So finally, with just one month until the election, we’ve found the comedic take on Obama: He has a smelly plane.
Craig Ferguson
Madonna started her new tour in New York. At the concert, she said she is going to kick Sarah Palin’s ass. That would be one sexy underpants pillow fight.
Madonna and Sarah Plain are very different, of course. One is an insane celebrity who has no business discussing politics, and the other one is Madonna.
It’s Leif Ericson Day — the anniversary of the Viking Leif Ericson landing in the North American continent a thousand years ago. Ericson was a long-haired warrior from the icy north who liked to kill things. He was the Sarah Palin of his time.
He probably read more newspapers, though.
Jay Leno
Everyone is talking about how boring the debate was the other night. Experts say neither candidate scored a knockout punch. But I don’t know about that — after about 10 minutes, I was out like a light.
Obama says there’s nothing to the accusation of a friendship with ‘60s radical Bill Ayers. He says Ayers was a person he knew early in his career, but now plays no role in his campaign. Kind of like the Clintons.
In describing her beautiful home, Sarah Palin says that when she stands on her porch she can see the moon. You know what that means — she’s now qualified to be an astronaut.
AIG executives asked for and got another $37 billion. Earlier this week, they announced they are going on another retreat. This time with golf and massages at the Ritz Carlton. You know, instead of a bailout, how about locking these guys up with no bail?
David Letterman
Beautiful day in New York City: 72 and sunny. John McCain? Seventy-three and cranky.
I like John McCain. He looks like the guy at Home Depot who mixes paint.
At the debate, John McCain referred to Barack Obama as “that one.” McCain later apologized. He got confused — he thought he was at the bakery.
President Bush announced he’s taking over the banks. Well . . . crisis over!
Conan O'Brien
Today is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar. Or as we call it the O’Brien house, Thursday.
On Saturday night, Sarah Palin is going to drop the first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers’ hockey game. Then Palin will spend the rest of the game trying to keep the hockey players out of her daughter’s penalty box.
This week, independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader announced that he is opening up 22 campaign offices nationwide. Which means that every Nader supporter will get his or her own office.
Members of the press corps are complaining that Barack Obama’s airplane is cramped and has a terrible odor. So finally, with just one month until the election, we’ve found the comedic take on Obama: He has a smelly plane.
Craig Ferguson
Madonna started her new tour in New York. At the concert, she said she is going to kick Sarah Palin’s ass. That would be one sexy underpants pillow fight.
Madonna and Sarah Plain are very different, of course. One is an insane celebrity who has no business discussing politics, and the other one is Madonna.
It’s Leif Ericson Day — the anniversary of the Viking Leif Ericson landing in the North American continent a thousand years ago. Ericson was a long-haired warrior from the icy north who liked to kill things. He was the Sarah Palin of his time.
He probably read more newspapers, though.
