Friday, October 17, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Both Barack Obama and John McCain were talking about this guy “Joe the plumber.” Here’s what’s sad about the Joe the plumber story: Last month, he was an investment banker.
Joe the plumber has been all over the place: “Good Morning America” . . . Fox News . . . This plumber has done more interviews than Sarah Palin since being chosen by John McCain.
John McCain has said that he wants to help this man. Here’s what he should do: Have him re-pipe all of McCain’s houses. That would be a job for life.
I just got the story from The New York Times on Joe the plumber: His name is not Joe; he’s not a licensed plumber; and he owes back taxes. So it sounds like he has the best plan for taxes — don’t pay them.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Messages Left On Joe The Plumber's Answering Machine
10. "Hey, heard you mentioned in the debate. Now can you come over and get the hairball out of my drain?"
9. "Joe Six Pack calling; what are you trying to pull?"
8. "Sorry, wrong number. I was looking for Larry the Cable Guy"
7. "Dude — did you get to meet Fannie Mae?"
6. "This is Sarah Palin, do you consider yourself a maverick plumber?"
5. "You had a better night than Joe the Dodgers' manager"
4. "This is Bob Schieffer. Hijack one of my debates again and I'll bust your kneecaps with a pipe wrench"
3. "Joe, you gotta get a copy of this 'Late Show Fun Facts' book — it's hilarious!"
2. "It's Brian from the 'Late Show,' are you available tonight if McCain cancels?"
1. "It's Madonna, are you seeing anybody?"
David Letterman
“Joe the plumber” has become quite the celebrity. After the debate, he was rushed to Washington to unclog the valve on Dick Cheney.
Everyone has Joe the plumber fever. Even the Statue of Liberty was holding a plunger.
At one point during the debate, John McCain brought up Barack Obama’s relationship with ‘60s radical William Ayers. Then, Barack Obama brought up McCain’s relationship with John Brown at Harper’s Ferry.
Hillary Clinton was at the debate. And I thought, “Is it really a good idea to be leaving Bill at home alone?”
Conan O'Brien
A full 67 percent of Americans say they’ve seen enough and they don’t want any more presidential debates. The other 33 percent are plumbers who want to hear their name on television.
By the way — John McCain mentioned ‘Joe the plumber’ during last night’s debate 21 times. Experts are already comparing it to the 2004 debate when President Bush wouldn’t shut up about Larry the Cable Guy.
More details coming out about Joe the plumber: For instance, his real name’s not Joe, and he’s not a licensed plumber. However, the McCain campaign insists that the "the" is accurate.
During the debate, Hillary Clinton watched from the audience of Hofstra University’s auditorium. Bill Clinton was also at Hofstra University — but he watched from the Delta Gamma sorority house.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Some people said that McCain seemed angry and overly emotional at the debate. I don’t know. I saw two very cool, very confident, unflappable men up there. Unfortunately, one of them was the moderator, Bob Schieffer.
The general consensus seemed to be that McCain didn’t do a whole lot to turn things around. Part of the reason is he does a lot of weird stuff with his face.
He blinks like he is sending Morse code through the TV set.
Jay Leno
Both Barack Obama and John McCain were talking about this guy “Joe the plumber.” Here’s what’s sad about the Joe the plumber story: Last month, he was an investment banker.
Joe the plumber has been all over the place: “Good Morning America” . . . Fox News . . . This plumber has done more interviews than Sarah Palin since being chosen by John McCain.
John McCain has said that he wants to help this man. Here’s what he should do: Have him re-pipe all of McCain’s houses. That would be a job for life.
I just got the story from The New York Times on Joe the plumber: His name is not Joe; he’s not a licensed plumber; and he owes back taxes. So it sounds like he has the best plan for taxes — don’t pay them.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Messages Left On Joe The Plumber's Answering Machine
10. "Hey, heard you mentioned in the debate. Now can you come over and get the hairball out of my drain?"
9. "Joe Six Pack calling; what are you trying to pull?"
8. "Sorry, wrong number. I was looking for Larry the Cable Guy"
7. "Dude — did you get to meet Fannie Mae?"
6. "This is Sarah Palin, do you consider yourself a maverick plumber?"
5. "You had a better night than Joe the Dodgers' manager"
4. "This is Bob Schieffer. Hijack one of my debates again and I'll bust your kneecaps with a pipe wrench"
3. "Joe, you gotta get a copy of this 'Late Show Fun Facts' book — it's hilarious!"
2. "It's Brian from the 'Late Show,' are you available tonight if McCain cancels?"
1. "It's Madonna, are you seeing anybody?"
David Letterman
“Joe the plumber” has become quite the celebrity. After the debate, he was rushed to Washington to unclog the valve on Dick Cheney.
Everyone has Joe the plumber fever. Even the Statue of Liberty was holding a plunger.
At one point during the debate, John McCain brought up Barack Obama’s relationship with ‘60s radical William Ayers. Then, Barack Obama brought up McCain’s relationship with John Brown at Harper’s Ferry.
Hillary Clinton was at the debate. And I thought, “Is it really a good idea to be leaving Bill at home alone?”
Conan O'Brien
A full 67 percent of Americans say they’ve seen enough and they don’t want any more presidential debates. The other 33 percent are plumbers who want to hear their name on television.
By the way — John McCain mentioned ‘Joe the plumber’ during last night’s debate 21 times. Experts are already comparing it to the 2004 debate when President Bush wouldn’t shut up about Larry the Cable Guy.
More details coming out about Joe the plumber: For instance, his real name’s not Joe, and he’s not a licensed plumber. However, the McCain campaign insists that the "the" is accurate.
During the debate, Hillary Clinton watched from the audience of Hofstra University’s auditorium. Bill Clinton was also at Hofstra University — but he watched from the Delta Gamma sorority house.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Some people said that McCain seemed angry and overly emotional at the debate. I don’t know. I saw two very cool, very confident, unflappable men up there. Unfortunately, one of them was the moderator, Bob Schieffer.
The general consensus seemed to be that McCain didn’t do a whole lot to turn things around. Part of the reason is he does a lot of weird stuff with his face.
He blinks like he is sending Morse code through the TV set.
