Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
At the debate earlier, Barack Obama took a page from Sarah Palin’s book and walked up to John McCain and said, “May I call you old?”
The debate took place in Nashville, Tenn., which is perfect — the economy right now is kind of like a bad country song: “I lost my girl; I lost my house . . .”
The debate was held in “town-hall” style — which means instead of ignoring the moderator’s questions, the candidates could ignore the voters directly.
The town-hall format is John McCain’s favorite, as opposed to Barack Obama’s favorite way — "Sermon on the Mount."
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Watching A Bad Presidential Debate
10. It's a town hall debate, but the town is in a mountainous region of Pakistan
9. Tom Brokaw leaves early to catch 9:15 showing of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua"
8. Topics fall into the categories "Domestic policy," "ForeignPpolicy," and "Burt Reynolds Films of the '70s"
7. Keep arguing about who has more friends on Facebook
6. Candidate says, "Why you hatin'?" Other responds, "Why you buggin'?"
5. It's covered by CBS, NBC, ABC, and the Howard 100 News team
4. Candidates ignore questions and gossip about which Senate pages are sluts
3. The yodeling competition
2. Disproportionate amount of questions about "The Hills"
1. It's 90 minutes of folksy phrases and winking
David Letterman
The second presidential debate was last night. The debate got off to an awkward start when a confused John McCain asked Barack Obama, “May I call you Joe?”
It was a “town-hall” format, meaning candidates could walk around the stage. It was pretty successful — John McCain only wandered off twice.
McCain was walking around a little confused — he started singing “Sweet Caroline.”
This was the second presidential debate — things are really starting to look bad for Hillary.
Conan O'Brien
People who didn’t want to watch the presidential debate were able to switch over to watch Paris Hilton’s new reality show. In honor of the debate, tonight’s episode of Paris’ show featured Paris having sex in the "town-hall format.”
Some of the questions for the debate were submitted by people on the Internet. When faced with the Internet questions, John McCain said he refuses to engage with wizards or warlocks.
In a recent speech, Sarah Palin referred to Afghanistan as "our neighboring country." Then she promised to find Osama bin Laden in the mountains of Toronto.
President Bush gave a speech today about the economy, and he said that he believes that “anyone who makes bad decisions should fail.” Then Bush looked around the room and said, "Hey, why did it get so quiet in here?”
Craig Ferguson
The Dow is going down faster than O.J. Simpson in prison.
The debate was last night — McCain prepared by putting new tennis balls on his walker.
The media treats these guys like their too cute to question seriously — like they’re The Jonas Brothers or something.
Jay Leno
At the debate earlier, Barack Obama took a page from Sarah Palin’s book and walked up to John McCain and said, “May I call you old?”
The debate took place in Nashville, Tenn., which is perfect — the economy right now is kind of like a bad country song: “I lost my girl; I lost my house . . .”
The debate was held in “town-hall” style — which means instead of ignoring the moderator’s questions, the candidates could ignore the voters directly.
The town-hall format is John McCain’s favorite, as opposed to Barack Obama’s favorite way — "Sermon on the Mount."
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Watching A Bad Presidential Debate
10. It's a town hall debate, but the town is in a mountainous region of Pakistan
9. Tom Brokaw leaves early to catch 9:15 showing of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua"
8. Topics fall into the categories "Domestic policy," "ForeignPpolicy," and "Burt Reynolds Films of the '70s"
7. Keep arguing about who has more friends on Facebook
6. Candidate says, "Why you hatin'?" Other responds, "Why you buggin'?"
5. It's covered by CBS, NBC, ABC, and the Howard 100 News team
4. Candidates ignore questions and gossip about which Senate pages are sluts
3. The yodeling competition
2. Disproportionate amount of questions about "The Hills"
1. It's 90 minutes of folksy phrases and winking
David Letterman
The second presidential debate was last night. The debate got off to an awkward start when a confused John McCain asked Barack Obama, “May I call you Joe?”
It was a “town-hall” format, meaning candidates could walk around the stage. It was pretty successful — John McCain only wandered off twice.
McCain was walking around a little confused — he started singing “Sweet Caroline.”
This was the second presidential debate — things are really starting to look bad for Hillary.
Conan O'Brien
People who didn’t want to watch the presidential debate were able to switch over to watch Paris Hilton’s new reality show. In honor of the debate, tonight’s episode of Paris’ show featured Paris having sex in the "town-hall format.”
Some of the questions for the debate were submitted by people on the Internet. When faced with the Internet questions, John McCain said he refuses to engage with wizards or warlocks.
In a recent speech, Sarah Palin referred to Afghanistan as "our neighboring country." Then she promised to find Osama bin Laden in the mountains of Toronto.
President Bush gave a speech today about the economy, and he said that he believes that “anyone who makes bad decisions should fail.” Then Bush looked around the room and said, "Hey, why did it get so quiet in here?”
Craig Ferguson
The Dow is going down faster than O.J. Simpson in prison.
The debate was last night — McCain prepared by putting new tennis balls on his walker.
The media treats these guys like their too cute to question seriously — like they’re The Jonas Brothers or something.
