Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Today, when he heard Lehman Brothers was going bankrupt, President Bush said, “Now where am I going to get discount suits?”
John McCain was watching the Sarah Palin interview with Charlie Gibson the other night, and he turned to his wife and said, “She looks really familiar.”
A lot of people thought Gibson was talking down to her. Like when he asked her about the Bush Doctrine. Well, a lot people don’t what it is. But many know it by its other name — “Murphy’s Law.”
August was a big fundraising month for the candidates: Barack Obama set a record for fundraising in August — $66 million. John McCain raised $47 million. Ralph Nader got a $10 gift card from Jamba Juice.
Conan O'Brien
More facts surfacing about Sarah Palin’s background every day. Sarah Palin’s father says that they shoot 90 percent of the meat their family eats. The other 10 percent they hit with their pick-up truck.
The other day John McCain appeared on the show "The View," and one of the hosts accused McCain of being a liar. She may have a point, because McCain started the interview by saying, "Ladies, you look beautiful.”
Republican strategist Karl Rove recently said that John McCain’s attack ads go too far and aren’t truthful. Then Rove said, "I’ve never been so proud.”
On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Nader said, "This is disappointing; I wanted to embarrass myself in all 50 states.”
Craig Ferguson
This week, Karl Rove said that John McCain’s attack ads on Barack Obama have gone too far. When Karl Rove says you’ve gone too far . . . that’s like Mel Gibson saying you’ve had too much to drink.
It’s like Keith Richards telling Amy Winehouse to ease up on the drugs . . .
Did you see the Sarah Palin interview? The state trooper from Alaska says that Palin is lying in the interview. She lied on national television . . . I’d say someone is ready for the White House!
John McCain was on “The View.” He just took a real beating on “The View” . . . the yelling, the swearing, the sweating, the fist shaking . . . and that was just him trying to get up off his chair.
Jay Leno
Today, when he heard Lehman Brothers was going bankrupt, President Bush said, “Now where am I going to get discount suits?”
John McCain was watching the Sarah Palin interview with Charlie Gibson the other night, and he turned to his wife and said, “She looks really familiar.”
A lot of people thought Gibson was talking down to her. Like when he asked her about the Bush Doctrine. Well, a lot people don’t what it is. But many know it by its other name — “Murphy’s Law.”
August was a big fundraising month for the candidates: Barack Obama set a record for fundraising in August — $66 million. John McCain raised $47 million. Ralph Nader got a $10 gift card from Jamba Juice.
Conan O'Brien
More facts surfacing about Sarah Palin’s background every day. Sarah Palin’s father says that they shoot 90 percent of the meat their family eats. The other 10 percent they hit with their pick-up truck.
The other day John McCain appeared on the show "The View," and one of the hosts accused McCain of being a liar. She may have a point, because McCain started the interview by saying, "Ladies, you look beautiful.”
Republican strategist Karl Rove recently said that John McCain’s attack ads go too far and aren’t truthful. Then Rove said, "I’ve never been so proud.”
On Election Day, Ralph Nader will appear on the presidential ballot in only 45 states. Nader said, "This is disappointing; I wanted to embarrass myself in all 50 states.”
Craig Ferguson
This week, Karl Rove said that John McCain’s attack ads on Barack Obama have gone too far. When Karl Rove says you’ve gone too far . . . that’s like Mel Gibson saying you’ve had too much to drink.
It’s like Keith Richards telling Amy Winehouse to ease up on the drugs . . .
Did you see the Sarah Palin interview? The state trooper from Alaska says that Palin is lying in the interview. She lied on national television . . . I’d say someone is ready for the White House!
John McCain was on “The View.” He just took a real beating on “The View” . . . the yelling, the swearing, the sweating, the fist shaking . . . and that was just him trying to get up off his chair.
