Saturday, September 20, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Financial expert say that we are entering a new chapter in the financial markets . . . yeah, Chapter 11.
To give you an idea how bad the economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border.
Barack Obama continues to criticize John McCain’s economic plan. McCain would like to criticize Obama’s plan, but nobody knows what it is yet.
Barack Obama held a fundraiser last week — $28,500 a plate. For that you got gourmet food and Barbra Streisand singing. At Ralph Nader’s fundraiser last week? Double Stuf Oreos and that guy who sang “Who Let the Dogs Out.”
Conan O'Brien
This week at the White House, President Bush hosted the final state dinner of his presidency. Which explains why the first lady finally let him wear his Burger King crown.
Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born that they’ve named a beer after him. So next time you’re in Africa, sit back, relax, and enjoy a tall cold Barackelob Light.
The group Moveon.org has called on John McCain to release all his medical records. In response, McCain told them, “Why don’t you just come down to the warehouse and look around for yourself?”
Cuba announced that they’re going to team up with Russia to build a Cuban space program. The country’s current space program consists of Cubans trying to swim to the moon.
Craig Ferguson
Donald Trump called in to the “Larry King” show the other night. He said he was voting for John McCain. So what, I say.
I have no idea what that thing on his head is voting for.
The Emmys are Sunday. All the people on TV will spend the weekend getting facials, waxing, getting manicures, preparing their push-up bras . . . and the women go even further.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It’s the baseball playoffs. It isn’t easy being a Mets fan. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and this season is no exception. What we do is, we drink. We drink until we pass out.
Yesterday, the federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banks. One expert said it cost Americans $1 trillion dollars. To give you an idea of how much that is, 10 Bill Gateses and 35 Oprahs still don’t add up to a trillion dollars.
How it’s going to be handed out is still unclear. All we know for sure is that it’s a trillion dollars, and it’s going to be hosted by Howie Mandel.
According to a new survey, more Americans would rather watch a football game with Barack Obama than with John McCain, by a margin of 50-47 percent. Mostly because McCain has to get up every 10 minutes to go to the bathroom.
Jay Leno
Financial expert say that we are entering a new chapter in the financial markets . . . yeah, Chapter 11.
To give you an idea how bad the economy is, Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border.
Barack Obama continues to criticize John McCain’s economic plan. McCain would like to criticize Obama’s plan, but nobody knows what it is yet.
Barack Obama held a fundraiser last week — $28,500 a plate. For that you got gourmet food and Barbra Streisand singing. At Ralph Nader’s fundraiser last week? Double Stuf Oreos and that guy who sang “Who Let the Dogs Out.”
Conan O'Brien
This week at the White House, President Bush hosted the final state dinner of his presidency. Which explains why the first lady finally let him wear his Burger King crown.
Barack Obama is so popular in the African town where his father was born that they’ve named a beer after him. So next time you’re in Africa, sit back, relax, and enjoy a tall cold Barackelob Light.
The group Moveon.org has called on John McCain to release all his medical records. In response, McCain told them, “Why don’t you just come down to the warehouse and look around for yourself?”
Cuba announced that they’re going to team up with Russia to build a Cuban space program. The country’s current space program consists of Cubans trying to swim to the moon.
Craig Ferguson
Donald Trump called in to the “Larry King” show the other night. He said he was voting for John McCain. So what, I say.
I have no idea what that thing on his head is voting for.
The Emmys are Sunday. All the people on TV will spend the weekend getting facials, waxing, getting manicures, preparing their push-up bras . . . and the women go even further.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
It’s the baseball playoffs. It isn’t easy being a Mets fan. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and this season is no exception. What we do is, we drink. We drink until we pass out.
Yesterday, the federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banks. One expert said it cost Americans $1 trillion dollars. To give you an idea of how much that is, 10 Bill Gateses and 35 Oprahs still don’t add up to a trillion dollars.
How it’s going to be handed out is still unclear. All we know for sure is that it’s a trillion dollars, and it’s going to be hosted by Howie Mandel.
According to a new survey, more Americans would rather watch a football game with Barack Obama than with John McCain, by a margin of 50-47 percent. Mostly because McCain has to get up every 10 minutes to go to the bathroom.
