Friday, July 25, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
In Berlin, Barack Obama spoke to a crowd of over 200,000 people. In fact, he was so eager to please the Germans, he promised to name David Hasselhoff as his vice president.
History shows that it’s pretty easy to get a big crowd of Germans together. The problems comes when they start marching.
Have you heard John McCain’s new campaign slogan? “Hey guys, I’m over here!”
To give you an idea how bad things are for McCain right now, the only way he could have less coverage is if he had a prime time show on NBC.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten NASA Excuses
10. Didn't think it was a big deal
9. We would like to visit these aliens, but gas is so darn expensive
8. Too much Tang
7. Been sort of preoccupied with this giant asteroid that's headed toward Earth
6. We were waiting to reveal it on a very special episode of the "Tyra Banks Show"
5. Hey, chillax, Bro
4. No number 4 — writer abducted by aliens
3. Too upset to talk after what happened to Pluto
2. Busy trying to confirm evidence of an A-Rod/Madonna sex video
1. Our leader isn't as bright as their leader
David Letterman
Barack Obama is in the Mideast. He has met with the Israelis and the Palestinians . . . not to be outdone, John McCain also had a very busy day. He spent the day in the waiting room at Just Tires.
Bin Laden’s driver is on trial. Bin Laden loved the guy, but he finally had to fire him because he got tired of hearing how he used to be the driver for John Mellencamp.
Celebrity birthdays: Happy birthday to Barry Bonds — 44 today. And earlier today, he tested positive for cake.
Craig Ferguson
Celebrity birthdays: Barry Bonds and Jennifer Lopez. Both very different, of course. One is known for that gorgeous backside, and the other is J-Lo.
Today is National Tequila Day! That means tomorrow is National Wake Up in a Dumpster Day.
Barack Obama was in Germany today, and 100,000 people showed up. There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France surrendered just in case.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Barack Obama was in Germany today. Huge crowds turned out to hear him speak. I guess it was the first black guy they’ve seen since Milli Vanilli left the country.
He’s like a rock star over there . . . which is impressive until you hear that David Hasselhoff is also like a rock star over there.
It was quite the Barack-tober fest.
Things are so bad for John McCain that when I did a Google search for his name I turned up nothing. It’s true! It must have been a glitch or something, but fortunately he doesn’t know how to get on the Internet.
Jay Leno
In Berlin, Barack Obama spoke to a crowd of over 200,000 people. In fact, he was so eager to please the Germans, he promised to name David Hasselhoff as his vice president.
History shows that it’s pretty easy to get a big crowd of Germans together. The problems comes when they start marching.
Have you heard John McCain’s new campaign slogan? “Hey guys, I’m over here!”
To give you an idea how bad things are for McCain right now, the only way he could have less coverage is if he had a prime time show on NBC.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten NASA Excuses
10. Didn't think it was a big deal
9. We would like to visit these aliens, but gas is so darn expensive
8. Too much Tang
7. Been sort of preoccupied with this giant asteroid that's headed toward Earth
6. We were waiting to reveal it on a very special episode of the "Tyra Banks Show"
5. Hey, chillax, Bro
4. No number 4 — writer abducted by aliens
3. Too upset to talk after what happened to Pluto
2. Busy trying to confirm evidence of an A-Rod/Madonna sex video
1. Our leader isn't as bright as their leader
David Letterman
Barack Obama is in the Mideast. He has met with the Israelis and the Palestinians . . . not to be outdone, John McCain also had a very busy day. He spent the day in the waiting room at Just Tires.
Bin Laden’s driver is on trial. Bin Laden loved the guy, but he finally had to fire him because he got tired of hearing how he used to be the driver for John Mellencamp.
Celebrity birthdays: Happy birthday to Barry Bonds — 44 today. And earlier today, he tested positive for cake.
Craig Ferguson
Celebrity birthdays: Barry Bonds and Jennifer Lopez. Both very different, of course. One is known for that gorgeous backside, and the other is J-Lo.
Today is National Tequila Day! That means tomorrow is National Wake Up in a Dumpster Day.
Barack Obama was in Germany today, and 100,000 people showed up. There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France surrendered just in case.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Barack Obama was in Germany today. Huge crowds turned out to hear him speak. I guess it was the first black guy they’ve seen since Milli Vanilli left the country.
He’s like a rock star over there . . . which is impressive until you hear that David Hasselhoff is also like a rock star over there.
It was quite the Barack-tober fest.
Things are so bad for John McCain that when I did a Google search for his name I turned up nothing. It’s true! It must have been a glitch or something, but fortunately he doesn’t know how to get on the Internet.
