Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
"Batman" made $150 million over the weekend. The only place with longer lines was customers trying to get their money out of IndyMac Bank.
One of the characters was Two-Face. He appears one way from one side, but is totally different from the other side. I believe he was played by Jesse Jackson.
Osama bin Laden’s driver is now on trial. I understand, during the trial, bin Laden will just wait in the car.
Barack Obama is in Afghanistan. Bill Clinton went with him. At least that’s what he told Hillary . . .
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Questions Asked Of Barack Obama On HIs Trip Overseas
10. "Which countries do you plan to invade based on faulty intelligence?"
9. "Seriously, why the hell do you want this job?"
8. "Are you looking for a great deal on a used camel?"
7. "If you want to visit a war zone, how about the Alex Rodriguez marriage?"
6. "So is Lindsay Lohan actually dating that chick?"
5. "Can you explain the 'feels like' number?"
4. "How many Obamas still living in Ireland?"
3. "If you're elected, will you be an entertaining dumb-ass like Bush?"
2. "Can you do anything about Andy Dick?"
1. "Do you know Batman?"
David Letterman
It was so hot today, Vice President Dick Cheney? He replaced his pacemaker with an ice maker.
So hot today, former Gov. Eliot Spitzer was dating a girl named Margarita.
So hot today, that thing on Donald Trump’s head was panting.
Yesterday down at Yankee Stadium, former Gov. Rudolph Giuliani took his buddy John McCain to the Yankee game. It was Old White Guy Day.
Craig Ferguson
Barack Obama was in Baghdad today meeting with Iraqi leaders. They all asked the same question: “When can you start?”
John McCain is saying Obama’s trip to Iraq is a publicity stunt. I’m getting sick of all this mudslinging — I’ve got a solution that will make everyone happy: President Batman.
Los Angeles made the list of the top 10 most walkable cities in the U.S. Nobody walks in Los Angeles! The only reason we even have sidewalks is so Andy Dick has some place to sleep.
Jay Leno
"Batman" made $150 million over the weekend. The only place with longer lines was customers trying to get their money out of IndyMac Bank.
One of the characters was Two-Face. He appears one way from one side, but is totally different from the other side. I believe he was played by Jesse Jackson.
Osama bin Laden’s driver is now on trial. I understand, during the trial, bin Laden will just wait in the car.
Barack Obama is in Afghanistan. Bill Clinton went with him. At least that’s what he told Hillary . . .
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Questions Asked Of Barack Obama On HIs Trip Overseas
10. "Which countries do you plan to invade based on faulty intelligence?"
9. "Seriously, why the hell do you want this job?"
8. "Are you looking for a great deal on a used camel?"
7. "If you want to visit a war zone, how about the Alex Rodriguez marriage?"
6. "So is Lindsay Lohan actually dating that chick?"
5. "Can you explain the 'feels like' number?"
4. "How many Obamas still living in Ireland?"
3. "If you're elected, will you be an entertaining dumb-ass like Bush?"
2. "Can you do anything about Andy Dick?"
1. "Do you know Batman?"
David Letterman
It was so hot today, Vice President Dick Cheney? He replaced his pacemaker with an ice maker.
So hot today, former Gov. Eliot Spitzer was dating a girl named Margarita.
So hot today, that thing on Donald Trump’s head was panting.
Yesterday down at Yankee Stadium, former Gov. Rudolph Giuliani took his buddy John McCain to the Yankee game. It was Old White Guy Day.
Craig Ferguson
Barack Obama was in Baghdad today meeting with Iraqi leaders. They all asked the same question: “When can you start?”
John McCain is saying Obama’s trip to Iraq is a publicity stunt. I’m getting sick of all this mudslinging — I’ve got a solution that will make everyone happy: President Batman.
Los Angeles made the list of the top 10 most walkable cities in the U.S. Nobody walks in Los Angeles! The only reason we even have sidewalks is so Andy Dick has some place to sleep.
