Thursday, July 24, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Barack Obama was in Israel today. I think he was trying a little too hard to impress the Jewish people. He kept introducing himself as “Baruck Obama.”
Did you see Barack wearing that traditional Jewish yarmulke? He looked very Jewish. In fact, Jesse Jackson said, "I’d like to circumcise him."
This week, NBC News defended their coverage of Barack Obama. They’ve been accused of giving him more favorable treatment than John McCain. And today NBC New denied it. They said, “That’s ridiculous. We’ve never even heard of John McCain.”
I don’t want to say McCain is running a lackluster campaign, but his Secret Service code name is “Bob Dole.”
David Letterman
Osama bin Laden’s driver is on trial. Maybe you’ve seen him at airports holding up a sign that says, “Fanatical Wackjob.”
Barack Obama is behaving very presidential. He’s in the Middle East, and he met with leaders of Israel and Jordan. Not to be outdone, John McCain was in the park today playing checkers with Ed Koch.
They love Obama.. Apparently he’s able to pronounce Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Craig Ferguson
Celebrity birthdays today: Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter” and Monica Lewinsky. One is famous for working magic with a powerful wand, and the other is Harry Potter.
It was announced today that Los Angeles is banning plastic bags. So say goodbye to Pamela Anderson.
Barack Obama is introducing Kanye West at a Chicago concert. I think he’s trying to win over all the hip-hop fans who support John McCain.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The new “X-Files” movie comes out today. I’m a big fan, but it’s been 10 years since the last “X-Files” movie . . . I’m not sure I remember which one is Mully and which one is Scoulder.
Hurricane Dolly made landfall in Texas today. I know there are only so many names to choose from, but how are we supposed to take a hurricane named “Dolly” seriously?
Not since Hurricane Teddy Ruckston have we faced a more menacing-sounding hurricane.
The news media really gets to spread its wings over the name [video clips of multiple newscasters saying “Hello Dolly”].
Jay Leno
Barack Obama was in Israel today. I think he was trying a little too hard to impress the Jewish people. He kept introducing himself as “Baruck Obama.”
Did you see Barack wearing that traditional Jewish yarmulke? He looked very Jewish. In fact, Jesse Jackson said, "I’d like to circumcise him."
This week, NBC News defended their coverage of Barack Obama. They’ve been accused of giving him more favorable treatment than John McCain. And today NBC New denied it. They said, “That’s ridiculous. We’ve never even heard of John McCain.”
I don’t want to say McCain is running a lackluster campaign, but his Secret Service code name is “Bob Dole.”
David Letterman
Osama bin Laden’s driver is on trial. Maybe you’ve seen him at airports holding up a sign that says, “Fanatical Wackjob.”
Barack Obama is behaving very presidential. He’s in the Middle East, and he met with leaders of Israel and Jordan. Not to be outdone, John McCain was in the park today playing checkers with Ed Koch.
They love Obama.. Apparently he’s able to pronounce Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Craig Ferguson
Celebrity birthdays today: Daniel Radcliffe from “Harry Potter” and Monica Lewinsky. One is famous for working magic with a powerful wand, and the other is Harry Potter.
It was announced today that Los Angeles is banning plastic bags. So say goodbye to Pamela Anderson.
Barack Obama is introducing Kanye West at a Chicago concert. I think he’s trying to win over all the hip-hop fans who support John McCain.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The new “X-Files” movie comes out today. I’m a big fan, but it’s been 10 years since the last “X-Files” movie . . . I’m not sure I remember which one is Mully and which one is Scoulder.
Hurricane Dolly made landfall in Texas today. I know there are only so many names to choose from, but how are we supposed to take a hurricane named “Dolly” seriously?
Not since Hurricane Teddy Ruckston have we faced a more menacing-sounding hurricane.
The news media really gets to spread its wings over the name [video clips of multiple newscasters saying “Hello Dolly”].
