Thursday, June 26, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
David Letterman
Great news for New York City garbage men: They can now wear shorts in the summer. It’s all part of the mayor’s plan to beautify the city.
I know what you’re thinking: New York City has garbage men?
John McCain has a bandage on his head. Here’s what happened: He tried to answer the iron.
Bill Clinton is campaigning for Obama. President Bush is campaigning for McCain. And I’m thinking, “Wow. This could really be the year for Ralph Nader.”
Craig Ferguson
The Democrats have announced there will be no fried foods at their conventions. Hooray! That means Al Gore won’t be there.
It’s Carly Simon’s and George Michael’s birthday today. Both are very different of course — one’s an older woman who apparently slept her way through Hollywood . . . the other’s Carly Simon.
The Dutch think the world’s going to end on Dec. 12, 2012. It has to do with the Mayan calendar. That and a lot of pot smoking.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Next week is the Fourth of July. I will be celebrating as I always do. I get completely naked; I go up on the roof and sing the national anthem at the top of my lungs.
The networks always run these fireworks safety videos to make sure no one has any fun on the Fourth of July.
I know they’re supposed to make us scared of fireworks, but after seeing them I feel this intense desire to blow something up.
The only thing we learn from these videos is it’s a bad time of year to be a mannequin.
David Letterman
Great news for New York City garbage men: They can now wear shorts in the summer. It’s all part of the mayor’s plan to beautify the city.
I know what you’re thinking: New York City has garbage men?
John McCain has a bandage on his head. Here’s what happened: He tried to answer the iron.
Bill Clinton is campaigning for Obama. President Bush is campaigning for McCain. And I’m thinking, “Wow. This could really be the year for Ralph Nader.”
Craig Ferguson
The Democrats have announced there will be no fried foods at their conventions. Hooray! That means Al Gore won’t be there.
It’s Carly Simon’s and George Michael’s birthday today. Both are very different of course — one’s an older woman who apparently slept her way through Hollywood . . . the other’s Carly Simon.
The Dutch think the world’s going to end on Dec. 12, 2012. It has to do with the Mayan calendar. That and a lot of pot smoking.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Next week is the Fourth of July. I will be celebrating as I always do. I get completely naked; I go up on the roof and sing the national anthem at the top of my lungs.
The networks always run these fireworks safety videos to make sure no one has any fun on the Fourth of July.
I know they’re supposed to make us scared of fireworks, but after seeing them I feel this intense desire to blow something up.
The only thing we learn from these videos is it’s a bad time of year to be a mannequin.
