Friday, April 18, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
I watched the debate between Hillary and Barack last night. As you know Hillary is trying to appeal to the blue-collar voters. She's drinking; she's talking about hunting and fishing. And it's working. In the latest poll she's up eight points in the "mullet vote."
President Bush announced his plan this week to limit greenhouse gases — he said he will ban all greenhouses.
Yesterday of course was Pope Benedict's birthday. Happy birthday to him. They had a little party for him at the White House. As you know the Pope does not drink; he does not do drugs; and he has taken a vow of celibacy. So, it's pretty safe to say no congressmen showed up for that party.
At the party, Pope Benedict spoke out against evil. And then Dick Cheney gave the rebuttal.
David Letterman
Beautiful sunny day. Down in Washington, it was so sunny, the Pope was wearing his stained glass sunglasses.
These trips can be kind of tricky; often there can be some confusion and embarrassment. The Pope, after the mass, accidentally gave the last rites to John McCain.
The Pope said the mass and then took off in the Popemobile, and President Bush followed him in the dopemobile.
The Pope and President Bush met privately at the White House, and they prayed together. And I believe it was the first time anyone had been on their knees in the Oval Office since . . . well . . .
Craig Ferguson
Edward Laurens, the father of the chaos theory, died today. His services will be held someplace completely random.
There’s a woman on YouTube talking about her divorce. She signed a prenup, married a Broadway producer, got divorced and now she’s unhappy with the settlement. When I heard this I was shocked. A Broadway producer marrying a woman?!?
I don’t know much about prenups . . unfortunately . . .
You don’t want to fight with a Broadway producer. He might send some of his powerful Broadway friends to mess you up — like the cast of “Cats” or something.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Sens. Clinton and Obama debated in Philadelphia. Their 21st debate. Which to me, is about 16 too many.
On the Republican side, John McCain has been feeling a little left out. Last night he organized a debate against himself.
The good news is the opinion polls show he leads himself 52 to 48 percent.
Jay Leno
I watched the debate between Hillary and Barack last night. As you know Hillary is trying to appeal to the blue-collar voters. She's drinking; she's talking about hunting and fishing. And it's working. In the latest poll she's up eight points in the "mullet vote."
President Bush announced his plan this week to limit greenhouse gases — he said he will ban all greenhouses.
Yesterday of course was Pope Benedict's birthday. Happy birthday to him. They had a little party for him at the White House. As you know the Pope does not drink; he does not do drugs; and he has taken a vow of celibacy. So, it's pretty safe to say no congressmen showed up for that party.
At the party, Pope Benedict spoke out against evil. And then Dick Cheney gave the rebuttal.
David Letterman
Beautiful sunny day. Down in Washington, it was so sunny, the Pope was wearing his stained glass sunglasses.
These trips can be kind of tricky; often there can be some confusion and embarrassment. The Pope, after the mass, accidentally gave the last rites to John McCain.
The Pope said the mass and then took off in the Popemobile, and President Bush followed him in the dopemobile.
The Pope and President Bush met privately at the White House, and they prayed together. And I believe it was the first time anyone had been on their knees in the Oval Office since . . . well . . .
Craig Ferguson
Edward Laurens, the father of the chaos theory, died today. His services will be held someplace completely random.
There’s a woman on YouTube talking about her divorce. She signed a prenup, married a Broadway producer, got divorced and now she’s unhappy with the settlement. When I heard this I was shocked. A Broadway producer marrying a woman?!?
I don’t know much about prenups . . unfortunately . . .
You don’t want to fight with a Broadway producer. He might send some of his powerful Broadway friends to mess you up — like the cast of “Cats” or something.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
Sens. Clinton and Obama debated in Philadelphia. Their 21st debate. Which to me, is about 16 too many.
On the Republican side, John McCain has been feeling a little left out. Last night he organized a debate against himself.
The good news is the opinion polls show he leads himself 52 to 48 percent.
