Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
Yesterday, kids all over America spent the day looking for Easter eggs. Today, parents in New York at Bear Stearns spent the day trying to find their nest eggs.
Today at the White House, President Bush hosted the annual Easter Egg Roll, where kids roll Easter eggs across the White House lawn with spoons. What fun that must be for kids — if this was 1908.
Big controversy after State Department officials looked at passport files for the three major candidates. Turns out they got a hold of John McCain’s Social Security number. Know what it is? 3.
Former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson says he still considers himself loyal to the Clinton family despite endorsing Barack Obama. Loyal! Even Bill was more faithful to Hillary than that!
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs The Government Is Spying On You
10. You turn on television and see a live feed of your shower
9. While you're ordering pizza, mysterious voice on the phone tells you to forget the mushrooms
8. There's been an ice cream truck parked outside your house for nine months
7. Your dog has an antenna
6. You came home early and found an agent dusting your wife for prints
5. Your cat has an antenna
4. After eating a falafel, your name was added to the "Do Not Fly" list
3. Drudge Report features exclusive news about your breakfast
2. CIA director Hayden calls and says, "Judging by these surveillance photos, you should get that thing on your ass looked at"
1. During State of the Union, president suggests you to ask your doctor about Levitra
David Letterman
Yesterday’s Easter Egg Hunt in Central Park was amazing. They found 1,500 eggs. Fifteen hundred eggs. And three dead guys.
Everybody was in the Easter spirit. In fact, former Gov. Eliot Spitzer spent the day with someone named Bunny.
Two State Department officials were fired — this is a bit of a scandal — because they were looking at Barack Obama’s passport files. Not only that, the same person was looking at John McCain’s Civil War record.
Sen. Larry Craig did not sign up for re-election. He’s not going to run for office again . . . Don’t let the stall door hit you on the way out, Larry.
Craig Ferguson
The White House held their annual Easter Egg Roll. They do it every year. And just like every year, the president got all confused again . . . he ordered the egg roll and a side of rice.
Celebrity birthdays today: Payton manning and Star Jones. One is an unstoppable machine that will destroy anything that gets in the way, the other is Payton Manning.
People magazine has published the first pictures of Jennifer Lopez’s twins. I got all excited and went out and bought the magazine . . . and it’s pictures of her children! Not what I expected at all.
Jay Leno
Yesterday, kids all over America spent the day looking for Easter eggs. Today, parents in New York at Bear Stearns spent the day trying to find their nest eggs.
Today at the White House, President Bush hosted the annual Easter Egg Roll, where kids roll Easter eggs across the White House lawn with spoons. What fun that must be for kids — if this was 1908.
Big controversy after State Department officials looked at passport files for the three major candidates. Turns out they got a hold of John McCain’s Social Security number. Know what it is? 3.
Former New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson says he still considers himself loyal to the Clinton family despite endorsing Barack Obama. Loyal! Even Bill was more faithful to Hillary than that!
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs The Government Is Spying On You
10. You turn on television and see a live feed of your shower
9. While you're ordering pizza, mysterious voice on the phone tells you to forget the mushrooms
8. There's been an ice cream truck parked outside your house for nine months
7. Your dog has an antenna
6. You came home early and found an agent dusting your wife for prints
5. Your cat has an antenna
4. After eating a falafel, your name was added to the "Do Not Fly" list
3. Drudge Report features exclusive news about your breakfast
2. CIA director Hayden calls and says, "Judging by these surveillance photos, you should get that thing on your ass looked at"
1. During State of the Union, president suggests you to ask your doctor about Levitra
David Letterman
Yesterday’s Easter Egg Hunt in Central Park was amazing. They found 1,500 eggs. Fifteen hundred eggs. And three dead guys.
Everybody was in the Easter spirit. In fact, former Gov. Eliot Spitzer spent the day with someone named Bunny.
Two State Department officials were fired — this is a bit of a scandal — because they were looking at Barack Obama’s passport files. Not only that, the same person was looking at John McCain’s Civil War record.
Sen. Larry Craig did not sign up for re-election. He’s not going to run for office again . . . Don’t let the stall door hit you on the way out, Larry.
Craig Ferguson
The White House held their annual Easter Egg Roll. They do it every year. And just like every year, the president got all confused again . . . he ordered the egg roll and a side of rice.
Celebrity birthdays today: Payton manning and Star Jones. One is an unstoppable machine that will destroy anything that gets in the way, the other is Payton Manning.
People magazine has published the first pictures of Jennifer Lopez’s twins. I got all excited and went out and bought the magazine . . . and it’s pictures of her children! Not what I expected at all.
