Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
President Bush spoke about the war in Iraq again today. This week marks the fifth anniversary of the beginning of the war. Bush said turning back now would harm all the gains we’ve made. You know, like 100 dollars for a barrel of oil, a worthless dollar, a recession.
Today John McCain was in England where he visited his birthplace . . . Stonehenge.
According to a new poll out today, John McCain is now in a double digit lead over the Democrats. Give you an idea just how far ahead John McCain is in the polls, today Hillary offered him the vice presidency.
Some more embarrassing revelations for Hillary Clinton today. According to a report released by the national archives, it now seems that Hillary Clinton was in the White House the day Bill was having sex with Monica. In fact this is the first documented proof that Bill has had sex . . . with Hillary under the same roof.
Conan O'Brien
A new survey shows that beer drinkers prefer John McCain to Hillary Clinton. Which is surprising because you’d think Hillary would be more popular with guys who like a “cold one.”
Starbucks has canceled its plans to sell a one-dollar cup of coffee. A company spokesman said, “You’ll still be able to get a one-dollar cup of coffee at Starbucks but it’s going to cost you eight bucks.”
In Los Angeles, a 500-pound man was arrested for stealing food from a restaurant. Police say it took five minutes to catch the suspect and two hours to pat him down.
Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is threatening to sue one of her biggest fans because he’s trying to put out a Harry Potter encyclopedia. The man says he’s not happy about being sued by Rowling — but at least it’s technically some form of contact with a girl.
Jay Leno
President Bush spoke about the war in Iraq again today. This week marks the fifth anniversary of the beginning of the war. Bush said turning back now would harm all the gains we’ve made. You know, like 100 dollars for a barrel of oil, a worthless dollar, a recession.
Today John McCain was in England where he visited his birthplace . . . Stonehenge.
According to a new poll out today, John McCain is now in a double digit lead over the Democrats. Give you an idea just how far ahead John McCain is in the polls, today Hillary offered him the vice presidency.
Some more embarrassing revelations for Hillary Clinton today. According to a report released by the national archives, it now seems that Hillary Clinton was in the White House the day Bill was having sex with Monica. In fact this is the first documented proof that Bill has had sex . . . with Hillary under the same roof.
Conan O'Brien
A new survey shows that beer drinkers prefer John McCain to Hillary Clinton. Which is surprising because you’d think Hillary would be more popular with guys who like a “cold one.”
Starbucks has canceled its plans to sell a one-dollar cup of coffee. A company spokesman said, “You’ll still be able to get a one-dollar cup of coffee at Starbucks but it’s going to cost you eight bucks.”
In Los Angeles, a 500-pound man was arrested for stealing food from a restaurant. Police say it took five minutes to catch the suspect and two hours to pat him down.
Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is threatening to sue one of her biggest fans because he’s trying to put out a Harry Potter encyclopedia. The man says he’s not happy about being sued by Rowling — but at least it’s technically some form of contact with a girl.
