Saturday, November 3, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Jay Leno
My Halloween was marred. Horrible incident. A kid dressed as O.J. broke into my house and stole all my candy.
Dennis Kucinich admitted during the debate the other night that he had seen a UFO close up. Dennis Kucinich doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would see a UFO. He seems like the kind of guy you’d see coming out of a UFO.
Hillary Clinton’s meltdown during the debates the other night continues to be the big story. Even Bill Clinton said it was Hillary’s worst performance since their honeymoon.
The Atlanta International Airport is now considering shorter flushes in its bathrooms to help cope with the drought. Shorter flushes on their toilets. Or as Sen. Larry Craig calls that, speed dating.
David Letterman
Joe Girardi was introduced today as the new manager of the New York Yankees. Girardi says it’s going to be tough coming up with a team on only a $300 million payroll.
Democratic debate last night. Tough night for Bill Richardson. During the entire debate, the only question Tim Russert asked was, “. . . And you are?
Does anyone know anything about Dennis Kucinich running for president? Can you prove it?
In the debate he claimed he once saw a UFO. He also claims aliens introduced him to his hot wife.
Conan O'Brien
Political experts are criticizing Hillary Clinton’s performance at the recent debate as her worst performance of the year. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “That’s what you think.”
Last night the New Jersey Devils played their first home game in the new $380 million stadium. Newark residents say the new arena is classy place to get shot outside of.
This week Wal-Mart started selling a $199 computer. What they don’t tell you is the computer is actually an Etch-a-Sketch taped to a toaster oven.
Craig Ferguson
It’s World Vegan Day. Strict vegetarian day. So be kind to vegetables.
I had an uncle who was a strict vegetarian. When he died there was a big turn up at his funeral.
Jessica Alba has announced that she will never do a nude scene in a movie. Never. I wrote a whole screen play for nothing!
A hunter in Minnesota is recovering after he was shot by his dog. His dog! In the dog’s defense, the man was wearing a Michael Vick jersey.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
What a crazy Halloween in Hollywood last night. I saw more half-naked women on the streets last night than I usually see here.
Some of them were actually women too, which is nice for a change.
My arm is killing me from throwing eggs last night.
Jay Leno
My Halloween was marred. Horrible incident. A kid dressed as O.J. broke into my house and stole all my candy.
Dennis Kucinich admitted during the debate the other night that he had seen a UFO close up. Dennis Kucinich doesn’t seem like the type of guy who would see a UFO. He seems like the kind of guy you’d see coming out of a UFO.
Hillary Clinton’s meltdown during the debates the other night continues to be the big story. Even Bill Clinton said it was Hillary’s worst performance since their honeymoon.
The Atlanta International Airport is now considering shorter flushes in its bathrooms to help cope with the drought. Shorter flushes on their toilets. Or as Sen. Larry Craig calls that, speed dating.
David Letterman
Joe Girardi was introduced today as the new manager of the New York Yankees. Girardi says it’s going to be tough coming up with a team on only a $300 million payroll.
Democratic debate last night. Tough night for Bill Richardson. During the entire debate, the only question Tim Russert asked was, “. . . And you are?
Does anyone know anything about Dennis Kucinich running for president? Can you prove it?
In the debate he claimed he once saw a UFO. He also claims aliens introduced him to his hot wife.
Conan O'Brien
Political experts are criticizing Hillary Clinton’s performance at the recent debate as her worst performance of the year. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “That’s what you think.”
Last night the New Jersey Devils played their first home game in the new $380 million stadium. Newark residents say the new arena is classy place to get shot outside of.
This week Wal-Mart started selling a $199 computer. What they don’t tell you is the computer is actually an Etch-a-Sketch taped to a toaster oven.
Craig Ferguson
It’s World Vegan Day. Strict vegetarian day. So be kind to vegetables.
I had an uncle who was a strict vegetarian. When he died there was a big turn up at his funeral.
Jessica Alba has announced that she will never do a nude scene in a movie. Never. I wrote a whole screen play for nothing!
A hunter in Minnesota is recovering after he was shot by his dog. His dog! In the dog’s defense, the man was wearing a Michael Vick jersey.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
What a crazy Halloween in Hollywood last night. I saw more half-naked women on the streets last night than I usually see here.
Some of them were actually women too, which is nice for a change.
My arm is killing me from throwing eggs last night.
