Saturday, August 25, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
David Letterman
Last night the Texas Rangers beat the Baltimore Orioles 30 to 3. And today, the crooked NBA ref said, “Hey, don’t look at me.”
I haven’t seen 30 on a scoreboard since the Nicks.
According to a new study, people are sexually active well into their 80s. First I say, "arghargh." Secondly, I would say, "God bless Cher."
According to U.S. intelligence, Iraq Prime Minister Maliki is an ineffective leader, unable to work with his cabinet, has poor communication skills . . . oh wait a minute . . . that’s President Bush.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Senior Citizen Pick-Up Lines
10. "Wanna swap teeth?"
9. "Are you a model, or were you one during the Truman administration?"
8. "Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?"
7. "What's a nice girl like you doing in . . . wait, where am I?"
5. "Excuse me while I slip into something orthopedic"
3. "Wanna see my cane?"
1. "Hi, I'm Dave Letterman"
Craig Ferguson
It’s a great day for senior citizens. There’s a new study that says people can retain an active sex life well into their 80s. Apparently old people get it on how they drive . . . go slow, run out of gas, can’t remember your name . . .
Sex well into their 80s . . . Good news for Aston Kutcher.
Another thing that has come out today. Seniors spend more time in front of a computer than young people. Which I believe, actually, because it takes them so long to turn it on.
Not such a great day for Atlanta. They’re considering banning baggy pants. The pants drag too low and expose too much. Apparently Atlanta politicians are worried about the crack problem.
David Letterman
Last night the Texas Rangers beat the Baltimore Orioles 30 to 3. And today, the crooked NBA ref said, “Hey, don’t look at me.”
I haven’t seen 30 on a scoreboard since the Nicks.
According to a new study, people are sexually active well into their 80s. First I say, "arghargh." Secondly, I would say, "God bless Cher."
According to U.S. intelligence, Iraq Prime Minister Maliki is an ineffective leader, unable to work with his cabinet, has poor communication skills . . . oh wait a minute . . . that’s President Bush.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Senior Citizen Pick-Up Lines
10. "Wanna swap teeth?"
9. "Are you a model, or were you one during the Truman administration?"
8. "Ever done it in a Craftmatic adjustable bed?"
7. "What's a nice girl like you doing in . . . wait, where am I?"
5. "Excuse me while I slip into something orthopedic"
3. "Wanna see my cane?"
1. "Hi, I'm Dave Letterman"
Craig Ferguson
It’s a great day for senior citizens. There’s a new study that says people can retain an active sex life well into their 80s. Apparently old people get it on how they drive . . . go slow, run out of gas, can’t remember your name . . .
Sex well into their 80s . . . Good news for Aston Kutcher.
Another thing that has come out today. Seniors spend more time in front of a computer than young people. Which I believe, actually, because it takes them so long to turn it on.
Not such a great day for Atlanta. They’re considering banning baggy pants. The pants drag too low and expose too much. Apparently Atlanta politicians are worried about the crack problem.
