Saturday, July 28, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
A panel investigating NASA found "a heavy use of alcohol by astronauts before launches.” On at least two occasions, astronauts were allowed to fly while so intoxicated they actually posed a health risk. Isn’t that unbelievable? Drinking. That’s why they call it the Kennedy Space Center.
They said today on one mission, the astronauts were so drunk they were actually wearing their diapers on their heads.
More bad news today for John McCain. John McCain’s media team has resigned. But McCain says he intends to stay in the race, according to the campaign’s new media spokesman, John McCain.
The New York City Department of Aging is now giving free condoms to senior citizens. So good news for Regis.
Letterman
The city is finally fixing that [Lexington Avenue] crater. Thank God they removed that tow truck. They also found Jimmy Hoffa.
The explosion was very big. Now, experts are learning many of our rats are suffering partial hearing loss.
So hot outside my cab driver was fanning himself with his forged visa.
So hot Chuck and Larry moved in with Ben and Jerry.
Ferguson
"The Simpsons” movie opens today. It’s very controversial because apparently Bart Simpson has a nude scene. Matt Groening, creator of the Simpsons, describes it as a "tasteful oblong.”
For publicity, they’ve turned about a dozen 7-Elevens into Kwik-e Marts. They’ve used this marketing strategy for movies before: For the "Harold & Kumar” movie they turned parking lots into White Castle restaurants, and for the last three "Star Wars” movies they turned a great franchise into crap.
Cartoon characters can go on forever. All you need is the actors who do the voices. Bart Simpson’s voice isn’t even done by a guy. It’s done by a woman named Nancy Cartwright. She also, by the way, does the voice for soccer star David Beckham.
Leno
A panel investigating NASA found "a heavy use of alcohol by astronauts before launches.” On at least two occasions, astronauts were allowed to fly while so intoxicated they actually posed a health risk. Isn’t that unbelievable? Drinking. That’s why they call it the Kennedy Space Center.
They said today on one mission, the astronauts were so drunk they were actually wearing their diapers on their heads.
More bad news today for John McCain. John McCain’s media team has resigned. But McCain says he intends to stay in the race, according to the campaign’s new media spokesman, John McCain.
The New York City Department of Aging is now giving free condoms to senior citizens. So good news for Regis.
Letterman
The city is finally fixing that [Lexington Avenue] crater. Thank God they removed that tow truck. They also found Jimmy Hoffa.
The explosion was very big. Now, experts are learning many of our rats are suffering partial hearing loss.
So hot outside my cab driver was fanning himself with his forged visa.
So hot Chuck and Larry moved in with Ben and Jerry.
Ferguson
"The Simpsons” movie opens today. It’s very controversial because apparently Bart Simpson has a nude scene. Matt Groening, creator of the Simpsons, describes it as a "tasteful oblong.”
For publicity, they’ve turned about a dozen 7-Elevens into Kwik-e Marts. They’ve used this marketing strategy for movies before: For the "Harold & Kumar” movie they turned parking lots into White Castle restaurants, and for the last three "Star Wars” movies they turned a great franchise into crap.
Cartoon characters can go on forever. All you need is the actors who do the voices. Bart Simpson’s voice isn’t even done by a guy. It’s done by a woman named Nancy Cartwright. She also, by the way, does the voice for soccer star David Beckham.
