Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
John Edwards is continuing his "Poverty Tour” around America. Today he visited with a group of people who get their hair cut at a place called "a barber shop.” He was horrified at their stories. Combs and blue liquid . . .
And Hillary Clinton is working hard to win the women’s vote; they say her campaign has six full-time staffers just for women’s "outreach.” And another six full-time staffers to keep women out of Bill’s reach.
The White House announced that right after President Bush got his colonoscopy on Saturday, he played with his dogs and then rode his bike. How old is he, 12?
I finally saw "Sicko.” But enough about Michael Vick.
Letterman
Beautiful day to sit at an outdoor café and watch a street blow up.
While you’re in town, don’t miss "Shakespeare and the Crater.”
Happy birthday to Barry Bonds! Forty-three years old today. Barry tested positive for cake.
Over the weekend, President Bush had his annual physical and he had one of those colonoscopies; now he knows what it feels like to be invaded.
Ferguson
Big day for me. I got fingerprinted today. It was part of my citizenship application . . .
What’s the name of that rehab center she went to in Malibu? Promises, it is called isn’t it? Broken Promises I think.
It seems to me that the swanky celebrity rehab doesn’t work as well as the just regular people rehab. Just my opinion.
Kimmel
Lindsay Lohan was arrested this morning for arranging dog fights in her home.
Lindsay got her second DUI in two months today. When they took her in, they also found a small amount of cocaine on her, or in her, they didn’t specify. Her father says he feels partially responsible. He says the fighting between him and his ex-wife put a lot of pressure on Lindsay. Also — he sold her the coke.
What happened to the alcohol-monitoring bracelet she was wearing? I thought those things were accurate! They’re built by a Chinese toothpaste company.
This weekend President Bush was having five polyps removed. Initially he didn’t want to have them removed; he said they were doing a heck of a job. But doctors convinced him. They also found an impacted Scooter in the president’s Libby.
Leno
John Edwards is continuing his "Poverty Tour” around America. Today he visited with a group of people who get their hair cut at a place called "a barber shop.” He was horrified at their stories. Combs and blue liquid . . .
And Hillary Clinton is working hard to win the women’s vote; they say her campaign has six full-time staffers just for women’s "outreach.” And another six full-time staffers to keep women out of Bill’s reach.
The White House announced that right after President Bush got his colonoscopy on Saturday, he played with his dogs and then rode his bike. How old is he, 12?
I finally saw "Sicko.” But enough about Michael Vick.
Letterman
Beautiful day to sit at an outdoor café and watch a street blow up.
While you’re in town, don’t miss "Shakespeare and the Crater.”
Happy birthday to Barry Bonds! Forty-three years old today. Barry tested positive for cake.
Over the weekend, President Bush had his annual physical and he had one of those colonoscopies; now he knows what it feels like to be invaded.
Ferguson
Big day for me. I got fingerprinted today. It was part of my citizenship application . . .
What’s the name of that rehab center she went to in Malibu? Promises, it is called isn’t it? Broken Promises I think.
It seems to me that the swanky celebrity rehab doesn’t work as well as the just regular people rehab. Just my opinion.
Kimmel
Lindsay Lohan was arrested this morning for arranging dog fights in her home.
Lindsay got her second DUI in two months today. When they took her in, they also found a small amount of cocaine on her, or in her, they didn’t specify. Her father says he feels partially responsible. He says the fighting between him and his ex-wife put a lot of pressure on Lindsay. Also — he sold her the coke.
What happened to the alcohol-monitoring bracelet she was wearing? I thought those things were accurate! They’re built by a Chinese toothpaste company.
This weekend President Bush was having five polyps removed. Initially he didn’t want to have them removed; he said they were doing a heck of a job. But doctors convinced him. They also found an impacted Scooter in the president’s Libby.
