Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
It was hot today, wasn’t it? I’ll tell you I was sweating more than Bill Clinton looking at lingerie at Lane Bryant.
It so different living in Beverly Hills when it’s hot. It’s just different. Like the kids out here, when it gets hot, in my neighborhood they set up a lemonade tasting stand.
Did you see all those doctors last week involved in that terrorist attack at the Glasgow airport? How scary was that? You thought the docs at your HMO were bad.
Happy birthday to President Bush, who turned 61 on Friday. But since he’s the president, he had his age commuted down to 59.
Letterman
Here’s how hot it is in New York City today. Over at St. Patrick’s, the holy water is whistling.
So hot down there in Washington, D.C., a chunk of ice fell off of Dick Cheney.
So hot Scooter Libby wishes he was in the cooler.
So hot Ted Williams said, "Who’s crazy now?”
Conan
Earlier today a new list of the Seven Wonders of the World were unveiled and the list includes the Great wall of China, The Taj Mahal and the Coliseum in Rome. After seeing the list, President Bush asked, "What about Space Mountain?
This week, the city of Pamplona, Spain is hosting the annual running of the bulls. Or as the bulls call it, the annual trampling of the jerks.
Nicole Richie has finally confirmed that she is pregnant. Richie said she could tell she was pregnant when she started throwing up twice as often.
Miss New Jersey is claiming that someone has embarrassing photos of her and is trying to blackmail her. Apparently, the embarrassing photos show her in a sash that reads, "New Jersey."
Ferguson
Did you watch the Live Earth concert against global warming? Neither did I!
I was shoveling coal into my styrofoam factory, enjoying roast penguin.
James Hetfield of the band Metallica was detained at the airport in London because they thought he was a terrorist. James Hetfield! [Picture of Hetfield with Saddam Hussein’s head superimposed.]
Leno
It was hot today, wasn’t it? I’ll tell you I was sweating more than Bill Clinton looking at lingerie at Lane Bryant.
It so different living in Beverly Hills when it’s hot. It’s just different. Like the kids out here, when it gets hot, in my neighborhood they set up a lemonade tasting stand.
Did you see all those doctors last week involved in that terrorist attack at the Glasgow airport? How scary was that? You thought the docs at your HMO were bad.
Happy birthday to President Bush, who turned 61 on Friday. But since he’s the president, he had his age commuted down to 59.
Letterman
Here’s how hot it is in New York City today. Over at St. Patrick’s, the holy water is whistling.
So hot down there in Washington, D.C., a chunk of ice fell off of Dick Cheney.
So hot Scooter Libby wishes he was in the cooler.
So hot Ted Williams said, "Who’s crazy now?”
Conan
Earlier today a new list of the Seven Wonders of the World were unveiled and the list includes the Great wall of China, The Taj Mahal and the Coliseum in Rome. After seeing the list, President Bush asked, "What about Space Mountain?
This week, the city of Pamplona, Spain is hosting the annual running of the bulls. Or as the bulls call it, the annual trampling of the jerks.
Nicole Richie has finally confirmed that she is pregnant. Richie said she could tell she was pregnant when she started throwing up twice as often.
Miss New Jersey is claiming that someone has embarrassing photos of her and is trying to blackmail her. Apparently, the embarrassing photos show her in a sash that reads, "New Jersey."
Ferguson
Did you watch the Live Earth concert against global warming? Neither did I!
I was shoveling coal into my styrofoam factory, enjoying roast penguin.
James Hetfield of the band Metallica was detained at the airport in London because they thought he was a terrorist. James Hetfield! [Picture of Hetfield with Saddam Hussein’s head superimposed.]
