Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Late Night Jokes
Leno
Saturday, President Bush underwent a colonoscopy. It was performed by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
White house spokesman Scott Stanzel said that during the procedure President Bush was asleep but responsive. So how is that different than any other day?
Wal-Mart is considering investing in the retail business in China, but there are employee issues of slave labor, horrible working conditions, and brutal treatment. But China said, "Oh, Wal-Mart is welcome any way.”
I read this in the paper today: A restaurant in West Virginia is selling a 10-pound hamburger. It comes with lettuce, tomato, and an organ donor card.
Letterman
To give you an idea of how fast summer has gone by, earlier today, Rosie O’Donnell reported to the Minnesota Vikings training camp.
Anybody here in town last week when that big chunk of Lexington Avenue blew up? Now there’s this huge crater. It’s already becoming a tourist attraction. For $50 a team of burros will take you to the bottom.
President Bush had his physical over the weekend; he had a colonoscopy. In order to pay for that procedure, bush had to pretend to marry a fireman.
The doctors found five polyps. And I was thinking, "Well, hell . . . maybe we should send these guys out to find bin Laden."
Ferguson
There is a new host for "The Price Is Right.” Drew Carey is the new host! He used to be my boss. Now he’s the boss of Bob Barker’s beauties. There’ll be strip Plinko . . . and all-you-can-eat showcase showdowns.
Not such a great day for England. They’ve had the worst flooding ion 50 years. The water’s so high that Hogwarts was flooded and Harry Potter drowned.
Soccer star David Beckham played his first soccer match on Saturday, as part of the L.A. soccer team. I think "played” is probably the wrong word. He was only on for 10 minutes. He was on for 10 minutes, took off his sweaty jockstrap, and went home. Exactly what I do here every night.
Leno
Saturday, President Bush underwent a colonoscopy. It was performed by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.
White house spokesman Scott Stanzel said that during the procedure President Bush was asleep but responsive. So how is that different than any other day?
Wal-Mart is considering investing in the retail business in China, but there are employee issues of slave labor, horrible working conditions, and brutal treatment. But China said, "Oh, Wal-Mart is welcome any way.”
I read this in the paper today: A restaurant in West Virginia is selling a 10-pound hamburger. It comes with lettuce, tomato, and an organ donor card.
Letterman
To give you an idea of how fast summer has gone by, earlier today, Rosie O’Donnell reported to the Minnesota Vikings training camp.
Anybody here in town last week when that big chunk of Lexington Avenue blew up? Now there’s this huge crater. It’s already becoming a tourist attraction. For $50 a team of burros will take you to the bottom.
President Bush had his physical over the weekend; he had a colonoscopy. In order to pay for that procedure, bush had to pretend to marry a fireman.
The doctors found five polyps. And I was thinking, "Well, hell . . . maybe we should send these guys out to find bin Laden."
Ferguson
There is a new host for "The Price Is Right.” Drew Carey is the new host! He used to be my boss. Now he’s the boss of Bob Barker’s beauties. There’ll be strip Plinko . . . and all-you-can-eat showcase showdowns.
Not such a great day for England. They’ve had the worst flooding ion 50 years. The water’s so high that Hogwarts was flooded and Harry Potter drowned.
Soccer star David Beckham played his first soccer match on Saturday, as part of the L.A. soccer team. I think "played” is probably the wrong word. He was only on for 10 minutes. He was on for 10 minutes, took off his sweaty jockstrap, and went home. Exactly what I do here every night.
