Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
What a hot day today! I was sweating like Eddie Murphy on Father’s Day.
It was so hot today, Kobe Bryant said he wanted to be traded to a hockey team.
The New York Times says Ralph Nader is thinking about running for president again. Nader says he rejects the term "spoiler.” Still a lot better than "loser.”
Paris Hilton will do her first interview Wednesday with Larry King. They’re billing it as "cranky meets skanky.”
Letterman
How great is summer time in New York City! Everything is festive. All the potholes are full of dip.
Yesterday was the annual Gay Pride parade here in New York City. The parade seemed very long. Here’s why: The parade marchers kept stopping to redecorate the store windows.
Saddam Hussein’s buddy Chemical Ali has been sentenced to death. I feel bad for his wife, Chemical Shirley.
Ferguson
We’re out of power as you can tell. I don’t know what happened . . . maybe Katie Couric left her hair dryer on or something.
Maybe we blew a fuse trying to cryogenically freeze Bob Barker.
Gov. Schwarzenegger has declared this show a disaster area. Unfortunately he did that before the power went out.
Over the weekend, I went to Venice Beach. I went into the ocean, got hit by a wave, and the ocean pulled my trunks completely off. And then threw me onto the beach, naked. And I think, "Well, this is not so bad. Maybe a 'Baywatch' lifeguard will come over and save me. Next thing I know, I’m getting mouth-to-mouth by David Hasselhoff. Ahhh, the taste of hamburger and whiskey.
Leno
What a hot day today! I was sweating like Eddie Murphy on Father’s Day.
It was so hot today, Kobe Bryant said he wanted to be traded to a hockey team.
The New York Times says Ralph Nader is thinking about running for president again. Nader says he rejects the term "spoiler.” Still a lot better than "loser.”
Paris Hilton will do her first interview Wednesday with Larry King. They’re billing it as "cranky meets skanky.”
Letterman
How great is summer time in New York City! Everything is festive. All the potholes are full of dip.
Yesterday was the annual Gay Pride parade here in New York City. The parade seemed very long. Here’s why: The parade marchers kept stopping to redecorate the store windows.
Saddam Hussein’s buddy Chemical Ali has been sentenced to death. I feel bad for his wife, Chemical Shirley.
Ferguson
We’re out of power as you can tell. I don’t know what happened . . . maybe Katie Couric left her hair dryer on or something.
Maybe we blew a fuse trying to cryogenically freeze Bob Barker.
Gov. Schwarzenegger has declared this show a disaster area. Unfortunately he did that before the power went out.
Over the weekend, I went to Venice Beach. I went into the ocean, got hit by a wave, and the ocean pulled my trunks completely off. And then threw me onto the beach, naked. And I think, "Well, this is not so bad. Maybe a 'Baywatch' lifeguard will come over and save me. Next thing I know, I’m getting mouth-to-mouth by David Hasselhoff. Ahhh, the taste of hamburger and whiskey.
