Friday, June 22, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
I guess you’ve heard by now . . . there’s a video of Kobe Bryant trashing his fellow Lakers. The good news? This is the first evidence that Kobe’s even aware there’s other members on the team.
It was announced this week that Hillary Clinton has finally picked a theme song for her campaign. Now if she can just pick out a position on Iraq. That would be great. We could move on.
Hillary Clinton has picked "You and I” by Celine Dion as her campaign theme song. And in a related story, John McCain’s campaign song is also by Celine Dion — it’s the theme from "Titanic.”
In Dubai, officials say they want to become the next Orlando. They say the oil money will dry up and they want to build a giant Middle East theme park. They say it’ll be just like Disneyland. The only difference is that every half hour when Prince Charming kisses Snow White, they’ll both be stoned to death for immodesty.
Conan
This week, Ozzie Osbourne sold his mansion in Los Angeles. Ozzie said he had to sell the house because he said, "I could never find it.”
Hillary Clinton has a new campaign ad that spoofs "The Sopranos.” Hillary’s calling the ad a lot of fun, and Bill is calling it a chilling window into his personal health.
It’s been reported that "Nightmare on Elm street” Director Wes Craven is suing Pauly Shore. That’s right — the man who gave you nightmares is being sued by Wes Craven.
Ferguson
Great day for Rosie O’Donnell. She’s meeting with producers of "The Price Is Right” and being considered for Bob Barker’s replacement. They’re also considering Drew Carrey. It’s a dilemma for me. I don’t know who to root for. I’m friends with both of them. They both should get the job. They could share clothes.
I’ve known them both for quite some time. I’ve never seen them in the same room together though . . . Could it be?
NBC is going to pay Paris Hilton a million bucks for a first interview when she gets out of the slammer. A million bucks! I’d spend 23 days in jail for a million damn dollars! I’d spend 23 days in jail for the company.
I’d go to find an audience, that’s why I’d go.
Leno
I guess you’ve heard by now . . . there’s a video of Kobe Bryant trashing his fellow Lakers. The good news? This is the first evidence that Kobe’s even aware there’s other members on the team.
It was announced this week that Hillary Clinton has finally picked a theme song for her campaign. Now if she can just pick out a position on Iraq. That would be great. We could move on.
Hillary Clinton has picked "You and I” by Celine Dion as her campaign theme song. And in a related story, John McCain’s campaign song is also by Celine Dion — it’s the theme from "Titanic.”
In Dubai, officials say they want to become the next Orlando. They say the oil money will dry up and they want to build a giant Middle East theme park. They say it’ll be just like Disneyland. The only difference is that every half hour when Prince Charming kisses Snow White, they’ll both be stoned to death for immodesty.
Conan
This week, Ozzie Osbourne sold his mansion in Los Angeles. Ozzie said he had to sell the house because he said, "I could never find it.”
Hillary Clinton has a new campaign ad that spoofs "The Sopranos.” Hillary’s calling the ad a lot of fun, and Bill is calling it a chilling window into his personal health.
It’s been reported that "Nightmare on Elm street” Director Wes Craven is suing Pauly Shore. That’s right — the man who gave you nightmares is being sued by Wes Craven.
Ferguson
Great day for Rosie O’Donnell. She’s meeting with producers of "The Price Is Right” and being considered for Bob Barker’s replacement. They’re also considering Drew Carrey. It’s a dilemma for me. I don’t know who to root for. I’m friends with both of them. They both should get the job. They could share clothes.
I’ve known them both for quite some time. I’ve never seen them in the same room together though . . . Could it be?
NBC is going to pay Paris Hilton a million bucks for a first interview when she gets out of the slammer. A million bucks! I’d spend 23 days in jail for a million damn dollars! I’d spend 23 days in jail for the company.
I’d go to find an audience, that’s why I’d go.
