Friday, June 29, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
Everyone getting a new iPhone? They say the new iPhone will totally revolutionize the industry. At least until Saturday when they release the iPhone 2.0.
Paris Hilton made her first post-jail appearance on Larry King. She said spending an hour with Larry made her miss solitary confinement.
She told Larry being stripped searched was the most humiliating experience of her life; then she asked Larry, "You make all your guests do that?”
Letterman
Anyone get caught in the blackout last night? Good news. They traced the source of the blackout to Donald Trump’s hair dryer.
Paris says she’s never going to drink and drive again. That’ll be something to see — Paris all tipsy riding the bus.
Paris said she hated prison. There’s some insight.
She said she had to eat mystery meat. I think I’ve actually seen video of her doing that.
Ferguson
A new survey out says California has the worst traffic of any state in the union. We’re No. 1!
I do my part. I carpool. I carpool with the kid from "Two and a Half Men.” I drive; he gives people the finger.
Donald Rumsfeld back in the news. He’s writing a book about his experiences as secretary of Defense. Apparently, he has no problem starting a book, he just has no idea how to end the damn thing.
The Spice Girls are getting back together! That’s great! Your enthusiasm is also phony!
Kimmel
Paris Hilton hysteria is starting to die down. I spotted her at LAX wearing a dark wig and a straw hat. She went to Maui. Which is nice because ever since Don died, Hawaii’s been looking for a new "Ho.”
It’s actually a very risky move on her part, because the cops in Hawaii are savvy to drunk drivers from L.A. ever since the cast of "Lost” arrived on the island.
If you missed Paris’ interview with Larry King, it was about what you’d expect. One interesting tip that she did share: She told Larry that she’s never done drugs. Although it turned out that when she said she’d never done drugs, it meant she’d never had sex with them.
Leno
Everyone getting a new iPhone? They say the new iPhone will totally revolutionize the industry. At least until Saturday when they release the iPhone 2.0.
Paris Hilton made her first post-jail appearance on Larry King. She said spending an hour with Larry made her miss solitary confinement.
She told Larry being stripped searched was the most humiliating experience of her life; then she asked Larry, "You make all your guests do that?”
Letterman
Anyone get caught in the blackout last night? Good news. They traced the source of the blackout to Donald Trump’s hair dryer.
Paris says she’s never going to drink and drive again. That’ll be something to see — Paris all tipsy riding the bus.
Paris said she hated prison. There’s some insight.
She said she had to eat mystery meat. I think I’ve actually seen video of her doing that.
Ferguson
A new survey out says California has the worst traffic of any state in the union. We’re No. 1!
I do my part. I carpool. I carpool with the kid from "Two and a Half Men.” I drive; he gives people the finger.
Donald Rumsfeld back in the news. He’s writing a book about his experiences as secretary of Defense. Apparently, he has no problem starting a book, he just has no idea how to end the damn thing.
The Spice Girls are getting back together! That’s great! Your enthusiasm is also phony!
Kimmel
Paris Hilton hysteria is starting to die down. I spotted her at LAX wearing a dark wig and a straw hat. She went to Maui. Which is nice because ever since Don died, Hawaii’s been looking for a new "Ho.”
It’s actually a very risky move on her part, because the cops in Hawaii are savvy to drunk drivers from L.A. ever since the cast of "Lost” arrived on the island.
If you missed Paris’ interview with Larry King, it was about what you’d expect. One interesting tip that she did share: She told Larry that she’s never done drugs. Although it turned out that when she said she’d never done drugs, it meant she’d never had sex with them.
