Saturday, June 30, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
As I’m sure you know, President Bush's immigration bill failed to pass. To be fair, this is not the first time in his life George Bush has heard the words "failed to pass."
It was voted down by the Senate. I wondered why the help at Wal-Mart seemed a little testy today.
In fact, some illegal aliens are so angry, they’re threatening to leave the country.
They said the Senate switchboard completely shut down after they got over 10,000 calls protesting this immigration bill. Ten thousand calls . . . all from Lou Dobbs.
Letterman
Hot today in New York City. Tell me if you don’t think this is odd: The UPS guy, today, asked me if I’d put sun lotion on his legs.
If you have an oyster bar in your town, try this: Go to the oyster bar, sit down, order coffee, whatever you’re going to order, then when they’re not looking, fill your pants with shaved ice.
Ever been in a New York City cab? On a hot day like this, kind of a dilemma: Do you roll up the windows to keep the air conditioning in, or do you roll them down to air out the driver?
Ferguson
It’s been a crazy week. Paris Hilton went on "Larry King.” Out of habit, Larry asked her for a divorce.
The iPhone came out today. People were camping out all night in front of the store. These people are pathetic, really . . . oh come on — get a life. Especially the people behind me in line. They were noisy.
Two movies opened today, the cartoon "Ratatouille,” and Michael Moore’s "Sicko.” Two very different movies: One is about a big rat who’s obsessed with food, always getting into trouble, and the other one is "Ratatouille.”
Kimmel
The iPhone comes out today. The summer release date coincides perfectly with the first day of pushing people in the pool with their phones in the pockets.
Another presidential debate last night. One of 90 scheduled before the election in November.
Democrats gathered at Howard University in Washington, D.C. Joe Biden talked about AIDS in the community. He’s against it.
Leno
As I’m sure you know, President Bush's immigration bill failed to pass. To be fair, this is not the first time in his life George Bush has heard the words "failed to pass."
It was voted down by the Senate. I wondered why the help at Wal-Mart seemed a little testy today.
In fact, some illegal aliens are so angry, they’re threatening to leave the country.
They said the Senate switchboard completely shut down after they got over 10,000 calls protesting this immigration bill. Ten thousand calls . . . all from Lou Dobbs.
Letterman
Hot today in New York City. Tell me if you don’t think this is odd: The UPS guy, today, asked me if I’d put sun lotion on his legs.
If you have an oyster bar in your town, try this: Go to the oyster bar, sit down, order coffee, whatever you’re going to order, then when they’re not looking, fill your pants with shaved ice.
Ever been in a New York City cab? On a hot day like this, kind of a dilemma: Do you roll up the windows to keep the air conditioning in, or do you roll them down to air out the driver?
Ferguson
It’s been a crazy week. Paris Hilton went on "Larry King.” Out of habit, Larry asked her for a divorce.
The iPhone came out today. People were camping out all night in front of the store. These people are pathetic, really . . . oh come on — get a life. Especially the people behind me in line. They were noisy.
Two movies opened today, the cartoon "Ratatouille,” and Michael Moore’s "Sicko.” Two very different movies: One is about a big rat who’s obsessed with food, always getting into trouble, and the other one is "Ratatouille.”
Kimmel
The iPhone comes out today. The summer release date coincides perfectly with the first day of pushing people in the pool with their phones in the pockets.
Another presidential debate last night. One of 90 scheduled before the election in November.
Democrats gathered at Howard University in Washington, D.C. Joe Biden talked about AIDS in the community. He’s against it.
