Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
As I’m sure you know by now, a judge has turned down Scooter Libby’s request to delay his prison term. In fact, the judge gave him an extra three months just for having that stupid name, Scooter. Not the name you want to have going into prison.
I guess you heard, there’s a huge problem with the Russian space station. The computers failed. The whole computer system went down. Pretty scary. But they’re hoping they can fix the problem and call tech support when they fly over India.
Actually, two thirds of it have been fixed. Although the system that controls oxygen manufacture had been down for two days. And you know what happens when astronauts don’t get enough oxygen. They drive 900 miles in a diaper to kidnap other astronauts. You have to be very careful.
According to a new study 30 percent of Cubans are overweight. The other 70 percent are still in Cuba.
Conan
Barack Obama’s Secret Service code name is "Renegade.” Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is still using her old Secret Service code name, "Ballbuster.”
Republican presidential candidate Sam Brownback kicked off a 1,200 mile campaign trip in Iowa. Brownback said, "I’m not going to stop until I find someone who knows who the hell I am.”
Bob Barker retired last Friday. He has endorsed Rosie O’Donnell to become the host of "The Price Is Right.” If she takes the job, Rosie will end each show by saying, "Please remember to spay or neuter Donald Trump.”
Scientists in Japan have developed an umbrella that has Internet access and allows users to search the Internet while they walk. An electronic device that you carry in a rain storm. What could possibly go wrong?
Ferguson
Not such a great day for the international space station. All the space station’s computers crashed. It must be terrifying for these astronauts. No way to download porn.
The airport in Milan, Italy, had to be shut down because it was overrun by rabbits. Animals are out of control. Italian rabbits at the airport. Last week, German squirrels were attacking people. German and Italians working together . . . does this sound familiar?!?
Here in America we’re safe from rabbits. We have Elmer Fudd to protect us [picture of Dick Cheney].
Leno
As I’m sure you know by now, a judge has turned down Scooter Libby’s request to delay his prison term. In fact, the judge gave him an extra three months just for having that stupid name, Scooter. Not the name you want to have going into prison.
I guess you heard, there’s a huge problem with the Russian space station. The computers failed. The whole computer system went down. Pretty scary. But they’re hoping they can fix the problem and call tech support when they fly over India.
Actually, two thirds of it have been fixed. Although the system that controls oxygen manufacture had been down for two days. And you know what happens when astronauts don’t get enough oxygen. They drive 900 miles in a diaper to kidnap other astronauts. You have to be very careful.
According to a new study 30 percent of Cubans are overweight. The other 70 percent are still in Cuba.
Conan
Barack Obama’s Secret Service code name is "Renegade.” Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton is still using her old Secret Service code name, "Ballbuster.”
Republican presidential candidate Sam Brownback kicked off a 1,200 mile campaign trip in Iowa. Brownback said, "I’m not going to stop until I find someone who knows who the hell I am.”
Bob Barker retired last Friday. He has endorsed Rosie O’Donnell to become the host of "The Price Is Right.” If she takes the job, Rosie will end each show by saying, "Please remember to spay or neuter Donald Trump.”
Scientists in Japan have developed an umbrella that has Internet access and allows users to search the Internet while they walk. An electronic device that you carry in a rain storm. What could possibly go wrong?
Ferguson
Not such a great day for the international space station. All the space station’s computers crashed. It must be terrifying for these astronauts. No way to download porn.
The airport in Milan, Italy, had to be shut down because it was overrun by rabbits. Animals are out of control. Italian rabbits at the airport. Last week, German squirrels were attacking people. German and Italians working together . . . does this sound familiar?!?
Here in America we’re safe from rabbits. We have Elmer Fudd to protect us [picture of Dick Cheney].
