Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Late Nite Jokes
Leno
President Bush spent Thanksgiving weekend at Camp David with a small group of friends and family. He would have spent it with a large group but there are no Republicans left in Washington.
It takes five hours to serve turkey in Beverly Hills. Everyone has five dads, so each needs to carve the turkey. There’s the real dad, the step dad, the donor dad…
Have you heard about the tur-duck-en? Very popular. A chicken inside a duck inside a turkey. They now have Tum-alka-pepto after you eat a tur-duc-ken. It’s a Tums stuck to an Alka-Seltzer covered in Pepto Bismal.
A popular item this year is gift cards. There’s nothing like saying, "I don’t care, I don’t know what you want, but have this and you’ll find something you like at this store”.
Some people are saying that soon we’ll have universal gift cards. Cards that can be used at any store. Didn’t that used to be called money?
The Hollywood Christmas Parade was this weekend. This years theme was "Why wait until December?”
Texas A&M University is doing research on making cotton edible. Making food from cotton. If it goes over well they should put it on a stick and start selling it at county fairs across the country.
Letterman
I was reading a periodical and medical researchers say that a number of people have a condition where they have sex in their sleep. Isn’t that crazy? That reminds me of a condition called marriage.
Conan
President Bush is in Europe. Today he visited the country of Estonia. He thanked them for sending troops to Iraq. His exact words were, "Those two guys are doing a good job.”
The upcoming "Nativity Story” movie has its world premiere at the Vatican. There was an awkward moment when some guy in the back said to the Pope, "Hey pal, take off that big hat so we can see.”
Leno
President Bush spent Thanksgiving weekend at Camp David with a small group of friends and family. He would have spent it with a large group but there are no Republicans left in Washington.
It takes five hours to serve turkey in Beverly Hills. Everyone has five dads, so each needs to carve the turkey. There’s the real dad, the step dad, the donor dad…
Have you heard about the tur-duck-en? Very popular. A chicken inside a duck inside a turkey. They now have Tum-alka-pepto after you eat a tur-duc-ken. It’s a Tums stuck to an Alka-Seltzer covered in Pepto Bismal.
A popular item this year is gift cards. There’s nothing like saying, "I don’t care, I don’t know what you want, but have this and you’ll find something you like at this store”.
Some people are saying that soon we’ll have universal gift cards. Cards that can be used at any store. Didn’t that used to be called money?
The Hollywood Christmas Parade was this weekend. This years theme was "Why wait until December?”
Texas A&M University is doing research on making cotton edible. Making food from cotton. If it goes over well they should put it on a stick and start selling it at county fairs across the country.
Letterman
I was reading a periodical and medical researchers say that a number of people have a condition where they have sex in their sleep. Isn’t that crazy? That reminds me of a condition called marriage.
Conan
President Bush is in Europe. Today he visited the country of Estonia. He thanked them for sending troops to Iraq. His exact words were, "Those two guys are doing a good job.”
The upcoming "Nativity Story” movie has its world premiere at the Vatican. There was an awkward moment when some guy in the back said to the Pope, "Hey pal, take off that big hat so we can see.”
